|The Lord Of The Words|
Author has written 10 stories for Baldur's Gate, Sherlock Holmes, Teen Titans, Dungeons and Dragons, Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy VII, StarCraft, and Icewind Dale.
And a good YoHo to you people! I'll keep my real name under lock and key, because I'm a nutty paranoid freak. Wha ha ha! But you, yes you...the one reading this...may call me Horse. It's my nickname, and honestly, I and everyone I know uses it more than my real name anyway. Heh.
Actually, I've decided to update my profile, as I like to keep myself updated, and I've felt I've let thing go for far too long. So, let me start things out. I've been on FanFic for quite a while now, as I have this annoying habit to come up with all sorts of new and improved story ideas, and I feel more than slightly compelled to jot them down. And if I can share them with y'all, then it makes it better. Actually, I write these stories to quell my own insatiable desire to write, as if I did not, my head would begin to mutate into an even more grotesque form. And as of right now, my head is ugly enough, thank you. An explosion complete with brain matter would promptly follow.
Secondly, as I've said before many times, I write these stories to entertain my fellow readers and what few fans I have. Like I say, it's all for you guys baby!
I'll actually be adding some new stories to my already impressive list quite soon, if I can ever dislodge my head from my ass long enough to do it. I won't say what they are, I like keeping my fans guessing, but hopefully they'll be some of my better stories, the sort that don't bore the crap out of someone. Those aren't very good. It may take a little time for me to perfect them enough before I post them, so just keep a leery eye out. They'll pop up eventually, as soon as I have enough to keep a person occupied.
Now, I'll address something that I am personally sickened and ashamed of. But regardless of my distaste for it, here it is. Yes, I am fully aware that in the recent months I almost literally dropped off the face of the Earth, and have only been in the slightest of contact with my fellows. But as this update to my profile might suggest, I'm back, and better than ever. The old "new and improved" thing. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I've been working my fingers to the bone, and then working the bone to even less bone, not to mention thinking up new and tantalizing new ideas to tickle my readers proverbial thought pallet. Sorry if that sounds a bit weird, I'm still working all the kinks out of my writing style. It's been far too long...
Of course, in my own defense, I have a reason for that. Well, two reasons. First, I was sort of in a funk for a while, and I just didn't feel motivated to type anything. I could have, that's true enough, but if I'm not feeling it, feeling the stories ripping through my brain, than when I type it'll be shallow, pallid, and jaded. It just wouldn't have the same impact any longer. And I won't do that, not to myself, and certainly not to you guys. Nope, that ain't happening. So, I've been patient, as the urge to write will come back in due course, a burning passion that I can hold back no longer. It has before. And I'm happy to report that it's broken free of my mental harnesses, and now, there's no stopping it.
And the other reason, also quite valid I'm certain you'll agree, was more in the department of technical problems. I have many talents, writing being one of them, as I'm sure all of you will agree, but computer tech is not one of my most predominant of skills. When my computer breaks, I have little idea how to fix it. Some people are good with cars, able to fix the motors and change oil and air filters, others know computers, pulling its circuits out and replacing this and that. Personally, I'm good at fixing toilets...a rather unsavory job I'll say, and leave that subject there. But I can't fix my computer when it goes bye-bye. And unfortunately, I am a jinx when it comes to computers, as I have a irritating tendency to break the damn things just by looking at them. And on this, I shit you not. I've seriously killed a computer just by looking at it. Granted, it only happened once, but it happened nonetheless. Coincidence? I think NOT!
Anywho, I get viruses, spyware, all that garbage piles into my computer to have a huge party, and since I'm not schooled on how to remove them, my computer goes up the river and sinks. So, I've had to wait a while to get proper technical support, which I just recently received, and now I'm back on the fast track to Now-Town. Or...something...It's only a matter of time before it dies again, but I'll worry about that when it happens, though I'm thinking to be on the safe side I'll learn how to type blindfolded so I don't accidentally look at my computer and commit computerscide (And just in case you're wondering, yes, I just made that up; yes, it's not that good of a joke; and yes, I'm aware the I'm a doofus. Deal with it.)
So with all those problems solved, my current stories will be coming back to the forefront, hopefully to the same degree of quality they were previously. As always, I try and make my stories as clear cut as possible, still making the spelling, grammar, and all that nonsense (and yet it isn't nonsense), as correct as I can, though if I make a mistake, then I'm allowed to. They're my works damnit! And again, as I've said before, I'll try and update them when I am able, but as I've also said, I am but one man, with only my lowly mortal powers to rely on, which ain't saying much.
As I've said (which as you may notice is my new favorite phrase), I hate leaving my works unfinished, and it makes me feel dirty and defiled to do so. Therefore, I may be revisiting some of my stuff here that has been left somewhat abandoned. Of course, it's not intentional, it's just, somethings are harder to type than others. Some stories, the chapters come one after another, like drops of acid rain falling within close proximity to a nuclear plant. Other, one must all but forcibly wring the paragraphs and dialogue out of the mind, twisting it like a lightly moistened shred of pygmy hair (a somewhat unnerving experience).
I'd also like to mention that if you read something, and you have an opinion about my writing, feel free to drop me a line. If you want to comment, please do, if you want to point out a mistake on my part, please do, if you want make a friendly criticism, please do. I've no qualms about someone burning my work either, so knock yourselves out if you truly feel it's necessary, though if you do leave derogatory comments, do yourself the decency to leave a reason as to why, else you'll just make yourself sound like a hate-loving weirdo. Other than that, I very much enjoy hearing advice and feedback, it's always good, if you like. And even though pressed for time as I am (I'm already pushing my schedule by being here), if one is kind enough to read and comment on my stories, I generally try and return the favor by reading their stories, even if the material subject is unfamiliar to me. I like reading as much as I like writing.
Bah, I've said enough. No sense in boring you. As I've said, dear friends and readers, my job here is to entertain you with fanciful tales that I concoct to delight and dazzle. This profile was not necessary for you to read to enjoy my awesome stories, but it can't hurt I suppose, just giving you some insight to me. And as a bonus to you die-hard readers, if you've truly read that much of my senseless drivel that I've typed thus far, than you are worthy in my eyes, and feel free to drop by my home (at any hour, as I don't really sleep much these days), and I'll be more than happy to thank you, as well as bake you some cookies. That's right folks, I bake, and personally, I'm damn good at it. You want sweets, you come see Horse.
Anywho, I've think I've bloviated long enough. So, I'll leave you to it, parting ways with a few interesting facts about the super cool guy that is me, and a few of my most favorite of quotes...Sit back, relax, get yourself a drink, and prepare to be wowed by my...stuff. Enjoy y'all!
Real Name: Heh, what did I just get finished typing? Call me Horse people!
Age: Old enough to drink, but not old enough to die...yet...
Gender: Take a wild guess...
Location: U.S.A. (If that's not general enough, then try Tennsesee. If that's not general enough, try the city of New Tazewell. And if that's not general enough, then...I don't know, use a phone-book.)
Personality: Weird, ego-centric somewhat, very insensitive, quiet, eccentric, and with a slight hint of guiltless remorse...Nutty paranoid freak remember? (Wild cackle)
Interests: Reading, Writing (Duh), Sword-Fighting(And for the hundredth time, YES I am serious about this), playing games of all sorts, baking delicious treats for no particular reason, driving long distances for no particular reason, collecting an assortment of music for my listening enjoyment, painting tiny metal figurines for hours on end, and other less legal things...Heh
Musical Preferences: I have unusual taste in music: 80's, some 70's(though not many), music from my favorite video games, movie soundtrack, and a few random favorite artists (Billy Joel, Meatloaf, Elton John, John Williams), plus Classical and Anime music. To put it simply, when I happen to hear a song I like, regardless of what it is, I add it to my collection.
Favorite Television Programs: Samurai Jack (#1 favorite with a bullet), Family Guy, Venture Brothers, Futurama, The Tick (the cartoon version), Death Note, Avatar: Last Airbender, Case Closed.
Favorite Works of Cinema: Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Fight Club, The Shawshank Redemption, The Big Lebowski, How To Train Your Dragon.
Favorite Electronic Stimulation Games: Mass Effect series (My all-time favorite), Dungeons & Dragons, Ace Combat series, Starcraft series, Warcraft series, The Legend of Zelda series, Assassin's Creed series, plus more.
Favorite Characters of Fiction: Samurai Jack, Sephiroth, Solid Snake, L, Vash the Stampede, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, Garrus Vakerian, Dr. Orpheus.
Interesting Facts: I happen to share my personality with a four hundred pound Buddhist gentleman named Sir Winston Butterbottom. He has a passion for fine wines, is a terribly boring conversationalist, and he has a streak of mischievousness that borders on the near insane. A word of caution: do not provoke him, as though he is a Buddhist and they are know for pacifism, know that I am not, and a favorite hobby of his is to use my hands in less than productive ways. You have been warned...
Favorite Quotes I've Collected And Use At Various Times For No Particular Reason: (Not mine, but favorites of mine)
"Laugh and grow fat."
"Ooo, that's some tough talk coming from a man who wears a basket on his head!"
"You can either apologize, or we can skip right to the part where I break your face."
"I have a shotgun."
"What is this task Oh Knights of...Knights who until recently said NI!"
"You've obviously exceeded your lowborn heritage, and surged to the vanguard of goonery."
"I think it was two ninja's taped together to make one giant ninja!"
"Alright, who wants a taste?"-
"WHO ELSE WANTS SOME!"
"It is with this hand that I begin labeling my waffle! It is with this hand that I finish labeling my waffle!"
"All of life's problems can be solved with force... And if it's not working, then you're not using enough."
"BRING IT ON!"
And my personal favorite...
"Even the most fiendish and meticulously planned scheme can be undone by a good telepath."
Final Thoughts: Everyone in the world is too angry. Do yourself a favor and pick a fight. You'll feel a lot better. (The other person might not, but meh, that's life)
The Horse (aka. The Lord of the Words)
Good Hunting everyone...
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