Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know!!

Month 1

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile

FEMALE COMEBACKS!!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

If you found this funny, post it on your profile

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?! Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What the hell can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

20 Things to do at Walmart:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms (or shoes) and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

17. Throw skittles at people and yell, "Taste the rainbow!'

18. Go the toy section, get a light-saber and start challenging people to a jedi match.

19. Follow a random person and if they turn and ask why are you following me yell, "No I won't have sex with you!"

20. Whenever someone puts something in their cart, put it back on the shelf when they aren't looking. When they begin to say bad words, call them a potty mouth and tell them to scrub their mouths with soap.

Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things and add another one to the list! XD

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Choose--me or your life.

Boy: My life.

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

I LOVE THESE THINGS

If you are so obsessed with the series you can practically quote parts of the book (or chapters), copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon and/or Eclipse, copy and pastes this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something twice, and when someone said something, you had no recollection of saying it either time, copy and paste to your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1.) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2.) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3.) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

4.) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5.) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6.) In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling
diamonds".

7.) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the
prophecy".

8.) Dont use any punctuation

9.) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10.) Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious
face.

11.) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12.) Sing along at the opera.

13.) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical
sounds all day at work.

14.) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15.) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.

16.) Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock
Bottom.

17.) When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18.) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19.) Tell your children over dinner "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go..."

20.) And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity…
e-mail this to someone to make them smile and laugh. It’s called therapy.

What a boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her

When she stares at your mouth, kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don’t let go

When she starts cussing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet, she's thinking of how to say I love you.

When she ignores you, give her your attention

When she pulls away, pull her back

When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying, just hold her and don’t say a word

When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared, protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn’t answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up

When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does

When she misses you, she's hurting inside

When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away

When she says it’s over, she still wants you to be hers

When she re-posts this bulletin, she wants you to read it

Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything

When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go

When she says she's okay, don’t believe it, talk with her, because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her; call her before you sleep and after you wake up

Treat her like she's all that matters to you

Tease her and let her tease you back

Stay up all night with her when she's sick

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it’s stupid

Give her the world; let her wear your clothes

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her, let her know she's important

Kiss her in the pouring rain

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking babe?"

Girls,

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot.

Who calls you back when you hang up on him.

Who’ll lie under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead.

Who keeps your picture in his wallet.

Who wants to show you off to the world even when you’re in sweatpants.

Who holds your hand in front of all his friends.

Who thinks you’re beautiful without makeup.

One who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you.

The one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER!