Hi I am currenctly on the 6th (?) page of the first chapter of my new multi-chapter.

It's been two years in this site guys...

;-; I'm so old...

I recently deleted a one-shot because it did not fit in with HOA. I think it was one of my bests however, so if you want to read here is the link:

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/3069650/1/Insane-Asylum

All rights belonging to my avatar go to the rightful owner. I do not own this picture, the idea, person or anything.

Hey! I'm MiaAndOak, but feel free to call me Mia. Thank you so much for visiting my profile, it means a lot. If you want to look at some of my stories, go ahead! They're not the best. They're not perfect. They are sloppy and not well written. But that's my writing. I type and publish. Everyone has different styles I guess. I feel that if I just add on additional details to make the story longer I get bored. I don't ever want to get bored with my writing. It's a passion and a part of life for me. I am working on

I am a fifteen year old girl, and live in America. I love to laugh and be surrounded by friends. Nothing makes me happier! Other than like, meeting a unicorn. Or a panda that's wearing a toga, eating a taco. A Mexican panda! Yeah!

When I first started on this site, my stories were not well written. They still are not perfect, but I think over the year and a half I have been here, I have matured. Thank you to all my lovely reviewers for supporting me and showing interest in my stories.

I love to meet new people, so if you want to talk feel free to leave a review or Private Message me. I like to give advice and help people. Enough said though, lets get on to stuff about me!

Thought(s) or Random Things that I may just Post on Here:

When you see that one of your favorite authors went into retirement... You die a little inside.

My bed is so warm, and the world is so cold.

I want to get up because I am hungry... But... I'm comfy.

I have been out of school for two months because I have been sick. It kills me a little... FOREVER ALONE!

Quote(s):

"I SEE EM' TROLLING... THEY FLAMIN'!"

"This is not the reality I wanted."

"SOY UN DORITO!"

"Ayy Girl!"

"'Dis is Mordney present."

"We hate... Bugs."

"Dibidibidis."

"I LOST MY PANTS RIPPITO FLIPPITO SUPER SLOW MOTION"

I will add more in time...

Favorite Artists/Bands/Singers:

SHINee! XXX Nicki Minaj, Gotye, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Gym Class Heros, The Wanted, Sia, Usher, Taylor Swift, John Mayer, The Ready Set, The Band Perry, Plain White T's, Owl City, Coldplay, 1D, Maroon 5, LMFAO (even though they broke up), Lady Antebellum, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Jonas Brothers, Imogen Heap, Hot Chelle Rae, Carly Rae Jepson, Glee Cast, Fun, Flo Rida, Far East Movement, David Choi, Eminem, Demi Lovato, Christina Perry.

Favorite Colors:

Pearl Blue, Peach, Navy, Gold, Silver, Gray, Hot Pink, Lavender, Black, Neon Green, Neon Yellow, Neon Pink, Neon Blue, Neon Orange, Neon Purple

Favorite Activities:

Guitar, Writing, Hanging with friends, Reading, Listening to music, Organizing, Shopping and YouTube!

Favorite Foods

Salad, Strawberries, Blueberries, Apples, Pasta, Nutella, Onion Rings with Ranch Dressing, Popcorn

Favorite Candies:

Milky Ways, Nerds, Hershey Drops, Skittles, M&M’s, Sour Gummy Worms, Gum, Chocolate Chips, Tic-Tacs, Caramel

Favorite Places:

Home, France, Spain, Italy, Washington D.C., Boston, New York, Guernsey, England, and if you're a SHAWOL... you know where else. ;)

Favorite TV Shows:

House of Anubis, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Bones, Hello Baby Season 2

Favorite Bible Verses:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” --Jeremiah 29:11

The word of the Lord came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. " "Ah, Sovereign Lord," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth." --Jeremiah 1:4-9

"The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all." --Psalm 103:19

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."-- Proverbs 3:5-6

"... say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.""--Isaiah 35:4

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." --John 14:27

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof my salvation, my stronghold." --Psalms 18:2

OoOoO

Questions!

1. How are you feeling right now?

I’m good! Kinda tired. How are you?

2. How old are you?

I am fifteen!

3. What grade are you in?

Imma freshman in High School!

4. What did you do today/What are you doing today?

I have mono. I woke up at one, ate, took a nap, ate again. Le sigh... My life = ...

5. Where are you right now?

Here!

6. What’s your favorite number?

Six, ironically.

7. Do you have any friends on FF?

Yes, tons in fact. Here are my lifelines! Their names are in order from when I first got on FanFiction to now: allyouneedislove1797, Bubbles of Angst, A Reviewing Reader, Lyds22.

8. Are you in a relationship?

Nope. I’M A SINGLE PRINGLE! :D Or should I say... Soy un Dorito... AHAHAHA!! XD

9. What are you thinking about?

My friend just texted me, so I guess about the conversation and such.

10. Are you popular?

I don’t want to be full of myself, so in the middle of popular and unknown.

11. Are you pretty?

I was voted second prettiest in my class, but that had to be fake in my opinion.

12. Are you emotional?

I am very emotional, and can also make myself cry.

13. Who did you last converse with?

Hmm... BFF.

14. What can you reach without moving anything but your arm?

Some books, a picture, and a candle. Of course, my laptop. And my phone. And gum. Lots of stuff, I suppose.

15. Phone number?

1-800-NO-WAY-YOU-CREEP.

16. Last thing you ate/drank?

Mexican rice and beans.

17. Do you support gay rights?

I… I don’t know really.

18. What religion are you?

I am Roman Catholic and proud!

19. Zodiac sign?

Leo. Rawr.

20. What is your homepage for your computer?

Google! (I do not own. If I did, I would be living on my own private island)

21. Are you listening to music now?

No. I always do though.

22. What do you carry in your purse or handbag?

I don't carry one. Until I get my license, I do not see a point. However, if I did it would include keys (HAHA! I just said that, but I am so obsessed... Almighty Diva Key.), extra cosmetics for freshening up, my phone and earphones, pepper spray, a swiss army knife, a wallet with my cards and license, and a small notebook and pen for writing down story ideas. You never know when one comes to you!

23. How long does it take for you to get ready in the morning?

That's a really tough question. Showering takes like, 15 minutes (I take long showers, they help me relax), my makeup takes five as well as breakfast and my outfit, and my hair about ten. However, for some odd reason that I can't explain I am always in a rush. I wake up at 5 a.m. but have to get to the bus at six thirty. I don't understand what happens to the extra minutes.

24. Is their a celebrity you look up to?

I look up to Demi Lovato, because of her amazing talent and her ability to stay strong.

OoOoO

What would you do?

1. You are starting a new school and some girls come up and begin to make fun of you. What do you say?

a. Ignore it. They're not worth your breath.

b. Start to cry. It's only your first day!

c. Totally go diva on them.

C. I would never let someone do that to me or anyone else. I would probably go all out and start cursing. I rarely curse, but I would in this case to scare them off.

2. You see someone shoplifting. You...

a. It's not your problem. Why worry?

b. Frown and say a few choice words under your breath.

c. Tell a worker.

I would call a worker. Crimes are a boo-boo!

Fun/Random stuff!

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1: At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars; see if they slow down

2: Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3: Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4: Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5: Put decaf in the coffee maker (home or work). When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso

6: In your memo book, on all your checks, put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7: Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8: Dont use any punctuation

9: As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10: Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11: Specify that your drive-thru order is "TO GO"

12: Sing along at the opera

13: Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14: Put mosquito netting around your work area (or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name "Rock Bottom"

17: When the cash comes out of the ATM yell, "I WON, I WON!!!!!!!!!"

18: When exiting the zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives they're loose"

19: Tell your children (or younger sibling) that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile!

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.

23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.

33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell people that you can see their aura.

35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

OoOoO

If you’re against stereotypes, copy and paste this onto your profile and bold the ones that you identify with.

Stereotypes

I’m SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I’m EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I’m BLACK so I MUST carry a gun.

I’m BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz

I’m JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I’m HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I’m ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I’m JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I’m GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I’m a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I’m ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I’m a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I’m RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I’m ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don’t have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I’m REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. (I'm not old enough to vote)

I’m DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I’m SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I’m a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I’m IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I’m INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I’m NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I’m a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I’m a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I’m a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I’m RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.

I’m a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I’m CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I’m NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I’m a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I’m POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I’m ITALIAN, so I MUST have a “big one”.

I’m EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I’m PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I’m INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I’m a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. (LOL I don't know)

I’m COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I’m RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.

I’m GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.

I’m BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I’m PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I’m SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I’m POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I’m HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I’m PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I MUST be violent.

I’m a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.

I’m BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I’m a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I’m SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly.

I’m a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.

I’m a PUNK so I MUST only wear black and date only other punks.

I’m ASIAN, so I MUST be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I’m CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I’m MIXED so I MUST be screwed up.

I’m MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I’m in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I’m BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I’m MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I’m WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I’m black.

I’m GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I’m HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I’m NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I’m OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I’m PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don’t wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I’m on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I’m YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I’m MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I’m BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon.

I’m BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I’m an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I’m a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I’m a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don’t like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I’m a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn’t hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don’t.

I don’t like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I’m DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I’m a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.

I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.

I’m TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I’m an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I’m INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I’m WELSH so I MUST love sheep.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A’S or A-B’s, so I MUST have no social life.

I’m SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear skirts.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I’m a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I’m DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I’m a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I’m an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I’m ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, or future.

I don’t like YAOI or YURI, so I MUST be a HOMOPHOBE.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I CHAT; I MUST be having cyber sex.

I’m PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.

I’m PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.

I'm BI, so I must love every single person I see.

I’m CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion.

I’m SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I’m a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love SLASH, so I MUST be GAY.

I DON’T CURSE THAT MUCH, so I MUST be an outcast.

I like GAMES, ANIME, and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.

I’m SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I’m GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I’m Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I’m NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can’t help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist.

I’m a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems.

I like FIRE so I MUST be an arsonist.

I’m a CUTTER so I MUST want to commit SUICIDE.

I have been to THERAPY so I MUST be crazy.

I have been ABUSED, so I MUST be an abuser.

I’m a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

OoOoO

Funny Quotes!

Something to think about: If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetballs? Oh, deep, I know.

Everything is funny as long as it's happening to someone else

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun sitting on your shoulder.

Last night I was laying in bed, looking up at the stars and I thought . . . WHERE THE HECK IS THE CEILING?

Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, it doesn't matter because you're a mile away from him, and you've got his shoes.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about having cookies?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Keep smiling; it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

We must never, ever be mean to stupid people. If we are, they might go away. Then who would we laugh at?

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

It’s retarded it’s ridiculous it’s re-dic-u-tard-ed.

What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick.

Boys are like Slinky's . . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

Slinky escalator = endless fun

People tell me I'm weird and I say "You just figured that out?"

Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you.

I don't have a short attention span, I just - ooh, a kitty!

I'm not insane . . . I just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Isn't it funny how people who want quiet are always the loudest telling people to shut up?

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyways.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people and their questions.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed enough already.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

There's no place like home . . . but Wal-mart's close.

You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their own way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

Don't worry about the people in your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

The rules only apply if you get caught.

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the w's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, very afraid!

Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

You're a great friend, but if zombies chase us . . . I'm tripping you.

So many stupid people, so little duct tape.

I'm too tired to punch you. Would you please run your face into my fist repeatedly?

I have multiple personalities, and none of them like you.

I don't understand white crayons! Why are they here? What do they want from us?

"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.

Get real. No one's going to form a single-file line if the building's on FIRE!

The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.

OoOoO

Thank you so much for visiting my profile! Bye…

No seriously, you can go now…

Pillowpets, COME!