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| Akuma-Heika |
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There is an HP fic which Harry marries Tonks and needs other marriages to claim inheritences. Susan is one and It looks like Katie Bell is the other. I cannot find it though. It might be the Wolves of the NeverNever (Have to check) if anyone can clarify for me that would be great. THe Katie portion was brought about by Susan though. It isn't like many HarryHarem fics. Another fic is one where Naruto takes Ayame in the Ramen stand. I believe it was a harem story and Naruto manipulated her (although she wanted to do it as well, he just played innocent for awhile. Her father comes back from errands and interrupts them. First off I am bad at quick replies for emails so if I haven't replied don't fret I probably haven't seen it yet or have had time to reply. I ask for your patience on my behalf. second off If you support the Yaoi/Yuri filter for the story search engine, paste this into your profile! This is needed! When a single yaoi pairing has more members than the top 5 hetero pairings something needs to be done. I have no problems with homosexuals but damn looking for a teacher fic but I get a guy rapes guy and gets him pregnant...its annoying. Third would it be possible for someone to make it so stories on a person's profile (Their stories and favorites) could be separated by the type (Naruto, BLEACH, Harry Potter, etc.). If possible it would be nice for searching fics both on other profiles and mine. Not sure who to ask so I am banking on someone reading this and knowing who to go to. Something I am adding due to a lot of Naruto fics calling it Juubigan or some other ridiculous name. 悟り眼 or Satorigan The Eyes of Enlightenment. Reason for the name is due to Rinnegan translating to the Eyes of Samsara. In the Eastern Faiths The point of life is to break free of Samsara called enlightenment. Thus the, to me, obvious name for an upgraded version of the Rinnegan. hmm...I'm a American and a bastard of nations lol (my ancestry is very mixed). Only found out about FF after reading a thing on TVTroupers and got hooked. This happened I think Late March 2011. I plan to do beta reading eventually. I have ADHD so I probably won't write any stories seeing as I cannot keep my thoughts organized (or remembered for that matter). This has been chanced; I will have to post five stories to beta read, but I tell you now they will be crap!...most likely. I can come up with good ideas but I am not that motivated so at best they will be storyized challenges. If I post a story and do not say otherwise people use them as basis's for your own stories. A challenge that's more than a paragraph lol. If you do use them however please grant me credit for initial ideas and send me a PM saying you are writing a story, so i can read it! Likes: reading, chess, anime, manga, manwha, manhua, games (Reading Novels both foreign and domestic has become the key if not sole interest of mine as of late as well as fanfics) When it comes to fanfics I don't search for them as much since I have favorited the ones I like and they are moved to the top when updated...problematic though when new stories are written or old ones are updated...if you can, please send me a list of fics. Dislikes: Nazism, Racism (Evolutionism if I had to group the first two up under a religion), rapists, humans in general, Our race has dropped in value as a whole. College Student Currently aiming for an Associate's of Criminal Justice Plan to Get my Master's in History as well but my Doctorate in Divinity for the sole purpose of being able to introduce myself as a Doctor on God lol. Goals/Ambitions: Become President of an Ivy League School and/or Found my own University... Location Hell, Michigan I will start the University of Hell lol. Maybe my own Christian Sect as well but that would come as a pair with the school. I have weird views on some things, and some words for the wise. "Murphy was an optimist."- Smith's Law The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."- James Branch Cabell I am making a list of my top favs due to the fact I keep losing track of them by forgetting to fav them lol (ADHD getting very annoying) BLEACH Life Within Death by King of Everything Evolution by the0espada A Hollowed Existence by BloodFreedom13 Will you Become my Queen? by NeonZangetsu (and its AU) To Find a Purpose in Death by Bruuz One I am asking for help on is a story where Ichigo becomes Arrancar devours the Bount except the chinese girl he gets her pregnant on Aizen's orders and he turns Yoruichi into a Arrancar her bankai lets her transform her zanpaktou into any form and gives her cat hears and a tail. Ichigo's resurrecion looks like a demonic version of his adjucas form while his Segunda Etapa looks like his Vasto Lorde form. He has a second shikai form which is a scythe. I believe he became hollow due to the shattered shaft and forgot his human memories completely until the girl from the Memories of Nobody was born from his blood and restored his memories. I remember all this info but can't find the title any help people? I believe it to be Devastating Consequences. I believe their are others (pretty positive really) but I am having to search through everything to try and find them. I am currently looking through the ANs because a number of these stories reference each other...now I have to find the stories and ANs within them T_T. I had them somewhere (over 700 tabs open with just fanfics...makes it kinda hard to find shit.) BLEACH x Naruto xovers My favorite above all others is A Nihilistic Blade in the Hidden World by Ban Moroichi Naruto: Rebirth of the Arrancar Bloodline by animefan29 Naruto Namikaze: Shinigami Shinobi by Namikaze09 There are others but they aren't bugging me as much as the BLEACH fics. Negima Fang Vice Addiction and By your Enrapture by Traingham Fangs Bathed in Light (not positive about spelling, but it was a early NegiEva I found and have overly enjoyed unfortunately it has been dead for awhile..) Difference of an Instant by King of the Fallen Two more by the author who initially drew me here from TvTroupers lol I think one was called Closed Indoors the other is Child of Mine. (The author is near the top for my fav authors list because his name starts with an A) Master Negi by vianmeor harem story that so far is doing good. Took awhile to receive an update but it has and hopefully that will be made the standard. The Fated Omiai by Repiece the was a xover fic but I believe it was solely in the Negima section. I believe the name was Damaged Goods M Rating elements and vampire crossover from bakemonogatari. by TrixBella The Negima fics are a touchy issue for me. I like a number of them at least initially but some gained annoying aspects (granted some was caused from my marathon reading them for hours and in some cases days). Code Geass More than just a Man by Thanathos (he has a few other stories that are interesting) Code Geass: Power of the Dragons by Silverscale (I will be honest I was worried after reading the first chapter but the second chapter was just released and it was awesome!) Code Geass: Lelouch The Black Flash by AshCrow Knight Power of the Emperor (will see where this goes) Dauntless by Aurora Gale Your Past, My Future by Slavok Another time travel fic but with some differences in premise and direction. Moving Through a Sinful Past by Sehaer haven't read it yet, but I lost a lot of fics, it and looked was interesting. Lelouch of Brittania by Cal Reflector (Fav above all CG favs or at the very least it is top 3) Lelouch of the Second Chance by Kyugan (I also like a story that was inspired by Kyugan's fic and personally I like the other guys better, but Kyugan started the trend for his style of the CG re-through and deserves some recognition. The story is Fate's debt. But I will say this for both of them...to many limes! I feel cheated! I can best describe it as the rug being pulled from under me. I like lemonade not limeade and the same can be said for my preference in fanfictions lol!) Code Geass: Light in the Darkness by Sdebeli Fate's Debt by fujin of shadows It was deleted but has been brought back...but is many chapters behind. Sad for the removal of lemons. never got to copy it before The Purge. Code Geass Megiddo by Wing Zero Alpha (4 years later than original R2 begins and Japan has been destroyed so Lulu had to stay in America and was returned to his royal position. New contrasts made in a few areas. Author is a Suzaku hater but he keeps bashing professional and only in his notes which have realistic ties in them. Suzaku being called on for war-crimes priceless lol.) Better Late than Never by dongaro Hasn't been updated in over a year though. Mild Au/Timeline OOC CC (she sleeps with Tamaki after he asks and when she says no, he says Please and CC spreads her legs...) Armed Resistance by SixTwoSixFour Shirley was made a bitch in this...a scary bitch lol. Grown men crying lol. New Lelouch is interesting. Code Geass: Project Ascension by razgraze grammar's a little bad but as far as I know it is one of a kind. Oath of Blood Icy the Frostbringer Different not bad but definitely unique. A Mother's Affection by EMT0 another unique story Code Geass: Lelouch's Gamble by animefan29 ZLelouch0 Three stories and I like what I have read so far. His Angels and Demons story is truly unique and I advise reading it. I will put up more eventually! Naruto (Something I must put up first is I hate excessive character bashing; if you hate a character the author did his job in creating a FOIL then stop whining and read something else! You think Naruto looks like a bad ass because he kicks Sasuke's ass in 2 seconds flat? I can crush an insect in 2 seconds flat and let me tell you...it's not that impressive. Same rules for Sasuke. People end up writing more bashing material than Plot Device and ruin their own fics...I end up sad, depressed and most of all disappointed. Grow up people!) draco The Perfection challenges Black Flames Dance In The Wind: Rise of Narutoby devilskey Naruto: Ancestry Renewed by pentupfury no longer hear but the naruto fanon community has saved it and an MA rated fic of his...sad neither will be completed/ Team 8 by S'TarKan (slow updates but damn he writes good! might have been abandoned or the author might be dead not sure) Great Sage Naruto (NaruHanabi story) NILF by EroSlackerMicha Rebirth Through Death by Fenris187 (I think) Very good spiritual cross with Naruto becoming Alucard (not instant and not Overpowered...yet). He becomes a Alucard-like Vampire in a similar manner as Alucard did in Hellsing. The Seventh Seal by RaiderXV Naruto: The Betrayed by Jay Frost a demon story that is above average. The Ultimate Kekkai Genkai: The Jagan by M2J MandalorianJedi check this author for any Naruto xovers Adult Arts by ZeroTheDestroyer NaruTsume 18 (probably, hasn't been updated in awhile) Bloody Storm, Burning Wave by pentupfury 18 only!/ in this story "Naruto" is a girl but Kushina had a son before Minato she named Naruto... a Naruto/Naruko story essentially backed up like his other stories. God of Illusion, Host of the Devil's Arm by Thanathos The Dichotomy of Namikaze Naruto by Thundereaper Fang of a demon by KuroKitzune Good story Currently NaruKureAnko and will probably remain that way. Pyro by NHunter My Life isn't beautiful Either Naruto by XxXMorganXxXLEAHXxX Perfection Challenge: Arynia , teixeira64 , Thanathos Scarlet Eyes by TheBullet Blonde Uchiha by My Curse Revived by http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1820475/AvalonNakamura on AFF NHunter has some great stories; some have already been listed. A Fishcake's Affair by Ihateheroes The Sealed Kunai by Kenchi618 Hell Sharingan V2 and Inner Beast by The Fifth Rider of Armageddon Eroninja by The Lemon Sage on AFF now Sweet Release by Xutzy the most original and unique Naruto bloodline story I have seen. Rare pairing with NaruTen (maybe a harem I don't remember the summary) Sasuke's Secret by Tsukune08 CoG Naruto's Other Tenant by NorthSouthGorem Naruto x Prototype Venom Kunoichi by DarkSamuraiX1999 way different than other Naruto Venom crosses Ascension of the Azure God by Ragdain Naruto x BLEACH but Bleach comes later. Uzumaki Naruto: Birth of the New Demon King by pokemaster12 Psudocode Samurai great xovers most are spiritual xovers which is probably why I like them. Naruto: The Nightmare of Konoha dead story but it went far and long and what is up is great! Jinchuuriki of the Darkness by darkvizardking69 a Naruto The Darkness crossover. Fenris187 has some great stories including one of the only two AVP xovers with Naruto I like! The other is held by Psudo Samurai. Fenris however is a spiritual xover. the Cost of Living by livezinshadowz Great Naru Kazu sensei fic (NaruFU pairing) The Orange Beast Of Konoha! good Naruto community. ...i forgot damn ...I can't remember the rest even though I had organized it earlier...fuck I suck. I must say that for xover ideas I must give VFSNAKE some recognition. He comes up with great ideas or takes a challenge and gives a dramatic flair. Occasionally his stories get a little repetitive amongst each other but the core ideas are always awesome and quite often form trends. If someone has a similar story they were probably inspired by him. As I said I will put up more once they join my rankings or I rediscover them! (I am seeing future suffering in the process of rediscovering them). StarCraft Won't lie I only look at these at chance really. Not many of them so possibilities for a really good ones are low. I have found a few though. Her Body's Plaything absolutely amazing fic. Chapters are a little short but releases occur about once a week. Narcissism Massacre by chicogamer17 SC x naruto (Initially only a Character design was utilized but with chapter 2 a possibility of it taking more aspects from Naruto is high. Naruto: Lord of Spines by Uncle Joe SC x Naruto StarCraft 2 Kerrigan's Child by Fanfiction Dragon The Zerg Swarm Harry Potter Consequences » by cwamcd Twin story Dark/Neutral Harry. Heir Black. Harry Potter: Ascension by Writingod Black Heir Harry Narcissa story Pretty good just hope it ends HarryNarcissa as well. Draco's Gift by http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2773804/Kedavra_Lumos A Shadowed Soul by devilblondie On the Way to Greatness by mira mirth Harry Potter and the Veela by Z-bond Landstradd He has a few HP stories. Original one I like is Sorting Hats' stand and its Rewrite * Harry Potter and the Swarm by Beyogi HP x SC Harry performs the Familiar of Zero ritual and gets a Drone as his familiar. The contract makes him the Overmind. Highly recommended! This is his first story and I have been hooked since finding it. Burnt by lastcrazyhorn Black Ascension by Omni Black One of the best HP FF I have read but it has been dead for 6 years now. You will be captivated by it but I warn you not being able to find out how it continues might drive you mad. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7800363/1/Heir_to_the_most_ancient_and_Noble_House_of by Arashi Hanshu Unique elements. Auryn » by Araceil Harry at his death in book 7 has his soul transported to Shi Fuin of Naruto. He becomes Namikaze Hari Naruto's older sister. Very good fic. Old Friends, New Friends by expectopadfootHarryNym http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6375811/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Rejected_Path by zArkham Very good but it is a mature story with some violence and language. Poison Pen by GenkaiFan Very good and unique story. Harry takes a penname and turns Wizarding Britain on its head! Was abandoned with note for the Poison Pen challenge (either as a continuation or version of your own) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7806627/1/Sacrificial_Second_Chance by NayAndHarrHaremFan Harry Potter And The Bloodline Of Lust by O Jordinio O Harem story He has deleted it. Someone made a back up on their blog but I would have to find it again. An Aunt's Love by Emma Lipardi Different, definitely different. Emma has been working on it for 7 years ton of chapters. The Other Potter by Saelia Plenty of twin stories but this one has some twists. One of my three fave twin stories! Harry Potter and Teammates by Tsukune08 http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6926581/1/Thanks_to_a_Snake# by lucky14now slytherin harry Harry Potter: the Serpent Lord by NHunter slytherinish Gryphendor Harry Harry Potter & the Curse's Cure by Dragon-Raptor Harry Potter and the Price of Being Noble by DriftWood1965 a small harem HP,HG,FD,GD and an extremely good story. T rated so safe for most. T rating is mostly for some...distasteful suggestions human trafficking for example. Do not see it directly but it is there. Naruto xover Authors Authors that specialize in xover fics featuring Naruto and usually write at a mid to high level. VFSNAKE animefan29(I have only read 1 of his stories due to time constraints but it was high level and am expecting his others to be good as well ) There are other xovers I like but I will have to look them up. Naruto xovers Naruto: The Bloody Maelstrom by Hector Enix NarutoxD&D The Devil of the Hidden Leaf NarutoxDMC Incubus Naruto: Ascendance to Makai by AvatarofDeath13 Atum Coma: The City Hidden in the Nexus by... NarutoDarkstalkers Naruto Chaos Mage by Naruto Chaos Mage some bad grammar and a massive harem with small harem on the side but good ideas. Not entirely a put everything I like about the series in it story but approaches it at times. D.Gray-man Servant of the Abyss by Code Name - I am NRG AllanRoad Haven't read it yet but it looked promising. Blood by Strikerflame2 An AllanRoad Story 18 only rating though really only applies if you continue reading it on adultfanfiction though. Within the Twilight by Thanathos Bioshock xover Little Big Sister Harry Potter x Bioshock featuring Maria (femHarry) daughter of Elanor Delta Sinclair. Really well done if only it would be resurrected...people read it and review (no flames but constructive criticism is encouraged) Zero's Shock by RougePsyker Bioshock x Zero's Familiar crossover funny as hell! Zero's Familiar many some on this site Unfamiliar Zero x Prototype The Devil of Zero DMC xover The Sword of Zero by Gamer The Blade of the Void by DestrinBriar X, your familiar by zhead The Darkest Void by Corrupto Ingrato Negima cross. Very well written one Puppets of Zero another Negima one where Louise summons the Averncus series and they each obtain the four blessings Shield of God, Heart of god etc. very good but the author dropped it. If interested please read and review it and beg for continuation. If he gets enough reviews it will hopefully have him resurrect it. Hill of Swords I haven't read it but many of the xovers I have read speak of it as if it were the Bible.
by Kyrie-the-leveler Final Fantasy The Gunslinger by Nataku's Wrath FFX with Vincent Just one word to describe it : AWESOME! Good size chapters running for five years most recent chapter done 07/06/2011 so it is being worked on...slowly. The Situation in Hell The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." He was the only one who got an "A" and he deserved it. If your thought this person was a genius post this on your profile and facebook because the Truth must be made know. Akuma-Heika One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Torte’s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings! If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile! LONG LIVE PLUTO! MURPHY'S LAWS THE PRIME AXIOM: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong, will. 2. If the possibility exists of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage. Laws to live by: Murphy's law: 1. If anything can go wrong, it will." 2. "If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way" 3. "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way." Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies: As a discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one. Hanlon's razor: 1. Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. 2. Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice. Amara's Law: "We tend to overestimate the effect of a technology in the short run and underestimate the effect in the long run. Benford's law of controversy: The Passion of an agruement is inversely proportional to the amount of real information available. Dilbert Principal: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management. Gall's Law: "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked." Herblock's Law: If it's good, they'll stop making it. Hutber's Law: "Improvement means deterioration". Littlewood's Law: Individuals can expect a miracle to happen to them at the rate of about one per month. Meadow's Law: One is a tragedy, two is suspicious and three is murder, until proved otherwise. Muphry's Law: If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written. Okrent's Law: The pursuit of balance can create imbalance because sometimes something is true. Parkingson's Law:Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Peter's Principle: In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Reilly's Law: People generally patronize the largest mall in the area. Roemer's Law: A hospital bed built is a bed filled Rothbard's Law: Everyone specializes in his own area of weakness. Sayre's Law: "In any dispute the intensity of feeling is inversely proportional to the value of the stakes at issue." By way of corollary, the law adds: "That is why academic politics are so bitter." Schneier's Law: Any person can invent a security system so clever that she or he can't think of how to break it. Segal's Law A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure." Skitt's Law: a corollary of Muphry's law, variously expressed as "any post correcting an error in another post will contain at least one error itself" or "the likelihood of an error in a post is directly proportional to the embarrassment it will cause the poster." Stigler's Law: No scientific discovery is named after its original discoverer. Sturgeon's Revelation: 90 percent of everything is crap. Sutton's Law: Go where the money is. Wiener's Law: There are no answers, only cross-references. Man Law 1. No wasted beer in the name of humour. 2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control 3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period. 4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home) 5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar. 6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal. 7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you. 8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death. 9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need. 10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets. 11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man. 12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it. 13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours. 14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favour will one day be replayed. 15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun. Addendum to Man Law No. 15: If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats. 16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober. 17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom. 18. You poke it you own it. 19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men. 20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out. 21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day. 22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing). 23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar. 24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances. 25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty. 26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting. 27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies. 28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry" 29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you. 30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch. 31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day. 32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it. 33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved. 34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships. 35. Women can't drive. 36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10. 37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not. 38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support 39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past. 40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket. 41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal. 42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war. 43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room. 44. Sex is more important then talking 45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm. 46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking. 47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat 48. Men will invite other men to Man Law 49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand." 50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not. 51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes. 52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza. 53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup. 54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review. 55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped. 56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbour’s lawn. 57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer. 58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway. 59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment). 60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality. 61. A man purse is still a purse. 62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex. 63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team. 64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life. 65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.) 66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once. 67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service. 68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone. 69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man. 70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex. 71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story. 72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring. 73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only. 74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man. 75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand. 76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men. 77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone. 78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth. 79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch. 80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice. 81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey. 82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys. 83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavoured that comes in a bottle. 84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female. 85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry. 1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph. 2. Your date is using her teeth. 3. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read). 86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing. 87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-toeye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away. 88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man. 89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions. 90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her. 91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO. 92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined. 93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. 94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence. 95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours. 96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw". 97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%) 98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable. 100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case. 101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it. 102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean. 103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional) 104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan. 105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things. 106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood. 107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline. 108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response. 109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes. 110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was. 111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter. 112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole to hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deemed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status. RULES ARE YOU? 1. Perfect? That's a laugh LAST: 1. Friend you saw: Friend or acquaintance. FAVORITES: 1. Number: 1134 EIGHT EMOTIONS: 1. Are you missing someone right now? Not really. ABOUT YOU: 1.Real name? Charles, Carolus, Carlos take your pic FIRSTS: 1. First best friend? David or was it Danial? CURRENTLY: 1. Eating? Nothing, but a Hot Pocket sounds damn good right now... WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? 1. Shorter or taller? Doesn't matter to me. HAVE YOU EVER: 1. Drank bubbles? No, thank God. DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 1. Miracles? Yes, anything can work against the odds. Have had several in the family and three with me. I have cheated death three times; my dad says its because God is not ready for me yet...proof that God is wise lol. Funny Sayings If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience Don't play stupid with an idiot, they'll always win. I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to If explosives didn't solve your problems you obviously weren't using enough of them The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. I'm not as dumb as you look A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." 1. Only in America ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. 10. Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering 15 WAYS TO DRIVE PEOPLE INSANE: 1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 4) In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS." 5) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 6) Don't use any punctuation 7) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 8) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 9) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 10) Sing along at the opera. 11) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 12) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 13) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!" 14) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 15) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." 15 percent of every high school population is considered "Popular". 20 percent is desperate to become a part of the popular 15 percent. 20 percent couldn't care less. 15 percent realize that popularity doesn't matter. 10 are too busy worrying about their grades to care. 5 percent are goths, 5 percent can speak another language fluently, and 5 percent are too stupid to realize that no one likes them. If you are a part of the 5 percent who think the 'unpopular' 85 percent should rebel against the popular 15 percent, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., DigiDestined of Balance, Kuradora,Voice of Mars. 16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things Something I got from Saberfan 123 OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE: Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) I half bold those that partially connect to me. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. On Gluttony456 page Bravery is just a nice way of saying stupidity Caution! Water on road when raining Come to the dark side... WE HAVE COOKIES!! Don't think of yourself as an ugly person...just a beautiful monkey Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back SAVE THE EARTH - it's the only planet that has chocolate What happens when you get scared half to death twice? Ambition is just a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're an idiot I didn't loose my mind, I sold it on Ebay Best friends are the people that know all about you and still put up with you! I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works The funniest thing about this sentence is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's too late to stop reading it, stupid "I'm just here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm outta bubble gum." "You know, I once read that in a fortune cookie." “I'm not oblivious, I’ve just been ignoring you.” A friend tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their ass off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!' One by one the pixies steal my sanity I’d be good if I could, but I can’t so I won’t “Hell was full, so I came back” First person: “I think his brain turned to mush” Second person: “He had a brain?” Money doesn't grow on trees. If it did, then I would be outside raking. “I shouldn’t, but I can, so I will…” "Evil Beware; we have waffles." Best Line in an American cartoon. People have hope, Because they cannot see Death standing behind them. You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it People are morons. I don't have any other explanation. I really don't the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train light travels faster than sound. this is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak lottery: a tax on people who dont understand statistics main reason Santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous I'd kill for a Nobel peace prize If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If everything is coming your way, your in the wrong lane. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Bug me and your dead... Touch me, you'll wish you were dead, try to talk to me for no god damn reason, and You'll die, go to hell, and come back just to repeat the process. Got that? Advertising Blunder of the Century: Naming a condom after a city that is famous for letting its greatest enemy penetrate through its legendary walls to destroy all in its path in the guise of a victory prize. Lesson: There is no such thing as safe sex People can be divided into three groups. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. Those who wonder what happened. Congratulations on being the captain of the third group Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them Straight is something crooked that was bent Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! I want revenge. Is that so wrong? Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done The problem with reality is a lack of background music Last night I played a blank tape on full blast. The mime next door went nuts I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, 7. My mother taught me IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less 16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll (In my case it was my dad for many of these...especially this last one; I must say when I image it...I AM TERRIFIED!!!) When life hands you a lemon, send it back... at high velocity and tied to a cinder block. by MrWriterWriter. REST IN PIECE TOONAMI. From beginning to the very end I was there. I will never forget. Tom and the Absolution A great Character and a funny host you will live on forever in this. If you were there for Toonami from the beginning to end and now wish to honor it post this on your profile. Zaara the black, jmasta32, The Fifth Rider of Armageddon, DarkSamuraiX1999 foxgoddess07, thymistacles, chaosthesith89, Darth Void Sage of the Force, Akuma-Heika If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile PS: Can 2 billion really not read that? If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, Bloodied Sand, PhAnToM SpEaKeRIf you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, Bloodied Sand, PhAnToM SpEaKeRIf you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, Bloodied Sand, PhAnToM SpEaKeRv, Deidara and Toshiros property, Lina-Neko, Gaara's-Bloody-Panda, LadyMimi101, Will of The Abyss - AllenxRoad, Akuma-Heika Funny Quotes Sephiroth’s Sword If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. MountainWind I feel the ‘urge to merge. I like fleshy pink tacos, with extra special sauce Shiroi, the Sannin for the most powerful and legendary summons to ever exist. | |||||||
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