Name: Christina Embrey

Age: 16

Sex: Female

Birthplace: Dayton, Texas

Current Residence: Texas, USA

Favorite Author: I don't have one.

Favorite Book: I'm open minded no favorite here.

Favorite Movie: Tangled

Favorite TV Show: I don't watch a lot of TV.

Favorite Video Game: Dragon Age: Origins

Personal Motto: I don't care. (Actual motto)

Random Fact: I am a member of a Xavi Fangirl Club on Facebook. (Which I didn't make, my friend did.)

Current Obsessions: Alistair Theirin

Current Projects:

Dragon Age: Origins - Their New Life

Fallout 3 - Falling Out: A Lone Wanderer

My imagination (XD) - Won't Back Down

Completed Projects:

Mass Effect - Emerald Green

Pumpkin Scissors - Piro

Notes:

I love Dragon Age.

Favorite Characters: Of the companions you get in the game- 1-Lowest 9-Highest

1. Loghain - I Just Hate The Bastard

2. Leliana - She won't SHUT UP

3. Morrigan - Shes okay, I just don't like her morales

4. Sten - His disapproval and approval system is just weird

5. Zevran - This is actually high on the list. He is a beast and hilarious

6. Oghren - Need I say more?

7. Wynne - Beast of a woman

8. Dog - He's a DOG and a WAR HOUND! Beast

9. Alistair - SEXY MAN SEXY MAN SEXY MAN SEXY MAN SEXY MAN (Sexy man rant for five minutes)

Update Schedule:

Their New life - Obviously I lost that schedule.

Falling Out: A Lone Wanderer - I've decided to change it to whenever I finish a chapter, less stressful for me.

Favorite Pairings For Anime(s) and Video Games (s):

Might as well start with Dragon Age: Origins I guess.

M!CouslandXZevran - Mommy likey.

F!CouslandXAlistair - Couslands are my favorite because you can marry Alistair.

M!CouslandXMorrigan - Morrigan actually opens up and if you choose to go with her In 'Witch Hunt' the DLC, she actually softens a bit I guess.

I haven't had any other romances in the game so I guess this is enough for me.

Fallout 3 now. (Also New Vegas)

M!CourierXArcade - Oh yeah!

M!Lone WandererXSarah Lyons - I actually found out the age diverence between them. 7 years. Damn.

Mass Effect 2 now. I haven't played this game per se, but I've seen a lot of clips and such about it.

M!ShepardXTali - Tali is so adorable.

F!ShepardXJoker - WHY IS HE NOT ROMANCEABLE!

F!ShepardXGarrus - Weird, but cute I guess.

F!ShepardXJacob - Yeah, every guy by the name of Jacob loves to take his shirt off.

Dragon Age 2, this is gonna be interesting.

M!HawkeXAnders - Anders used to be like another Alistair to me, now hes changed :'( Damn you BIOWARE!

M!HawkeXFenris - Oh, especially when Hawke's a Mage. I just love the irony.

F!HawkeXSebastian - No action, but hes cute.

M!HawkeXIsabela - Sausy Minx (Gotta love Zevran's quotes) ain't she?

F!HawkeXVarric - I never thought about a romance between them, until I read the comics by Aimo on Deviant Art.

Dead Rising, God, they always made Frank sound like an old man when he was just 32 years old.

FrankXIsabela - I find that its a slap to Carlito in the face that Frank would be sleepin with his sister. =3

FAKE. It's an anime! A YAOI!

DeeXRyo - Main couple, gotta love it man, gotta love it.

DrakeXJJ - They're my favorite couple only because JJ is so ADORABLE!

RoseXDiana - Yeah Rose, get your filthy hands off of Ryo!

Pumpkin Scissors

AliceXRandel - Love them too much.

Fable 3

PrincessXBen - WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!? WHY CAN'T HE BE ROMANCABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

PrinceXPage - THIS IS A CONSPRACY!

I was going over one of my stories author's profiles and I found some of these paragraph things that people make to go along on your profiles. So here are my favorite ones.

This is a true story. All schools have a class clown, someone that gets on everyones nerves and that no one likes. There was one of these boys in this one school. Nobody liked him at all. He had no friends, the teachers hated him for his disruptiveness, and the students found him annoying beyond belief. He never seemed to care. One day, he had finally stepped on his teachers last nerve. What the teacher did was make everyone in the class stand up and tell the boy something they didn't like about him. As each of the thirty students stood up and said something about him they didn't like, he only sat and didn't seem to mind. All of the students did it.

That day, when school was out, the boy went home, grabbed his dads gun, and shot himself in the head.

If you think that the teacher was to blame, and that what she did was morally wrong and completely shameful, copy and paste this into your profile. Then, if you would have been the one to stand up and say "I'm not going to do this" then add your username to the list. Antire5, EmoWolves of Shadow, Killercat-nya, Juura99, demon-in-training, NRZWolf 13, Nigella00, Chubs34, TheEvilHina

Your One and Only Wish

Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite gender. David

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow? Green

3. Your first initial? C

4. Your month of birth? August

5. Which color do you like more, black or white? Black

6. Name of a person of the same gender as yours. Amanda

7. Your favorite number? 8 or 5, my lucky numbers.

8. Do you like California or Florida more? Neither

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? Lake

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Live in a small town where everyone knows each other and I don't have to be scared of my neighbors.

Are you done? If so, scroll down (don't cheat--) THE ANSWERS

1. You are completely in love with this person. He's my ex and my best friend back stabbed me for him.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. HELL YEAH I AM!

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If your initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. I know.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. O_O BOOYAH! (Not really workin out there...)

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the times but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. I hate things that are hard...

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend. HA! Fuck you, shes my sister.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. AH! FUCK YOU!

8. If you choose...

California: You like adventure.

Florida: You are a laid-back person.

WHAT!? No NEITHER!? I would have chosen Florida then...

9. If you choose...

Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved. Haha Loyalty rules!

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday! I would rather wait until I finish school actually.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" Put this on your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombieand Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

95 of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 who aren't, copy this into your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing their ass off.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you love the music you listen to, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a story in your head, copy and paste this into your profile If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

98 percent of authors confuse "You're" and "Your", or "It's" or "Its". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile.

1% of the authors will pause after typing a sentence if it has "You're" or "Your" in it, just to make sure it's right. Copy and paste onto your if you've ever done that.

If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, or if you write about stuff that you want to read, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever wondered what it was like in another dimension, copy this onto your profile. I

f you think the human identification thing when you log onto fan fiction is slightly annoying sometimes, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever wondered who made up all these copy and paste things, copy this onto your profile.

If fan fiction is to you what MySpace is to other people, copy this onto your profile.

If your profile is a never-ending state of change, copy this onto your profile.

1F YOU C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463, COPY 4ND P4573 17 1N70 YOUR PROF1L3.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. Past four can do as well.

If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.

If you keep a list of one liners to use in your stories, copy and paste to your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are unconcerned by the dismal state of their education, or the fact that their fanfiction is raping the English language. If you're part of the five percent of fanfiction writers/readers who do care about such things, cut and paste this, and then leave reviews for those poor souls who know not what they are doing.

- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

- Chuck Norris banged a mermaid…nine months later, Michael Phelps was born

- Chuck Norris spit on a semi truck. It is now known as Optimus Prime.

- Chuck Norris was born May 6, 1945. The Nazis surrendered on May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

- The game of chess orginally had a piece called the Chuck Norris. It was removed because in one move, it can kill all pawns, knights, and brooks, remove the bishop of his title, de-throne the king, and get the queen pregnant.

- Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

- Once death had a near Chuck Norris experience.

- The world’s top scientists are in debate. Some say that, since only one Chuck Norris exists, he should be put on the endangered species list. Most say that, since one Chuck Norris exists, the rest of the world should be put on the endangered species list.

- Chuck Norris can get McDonald’s for breakfast after 11. At Taco Bell.

- Yoda was picked from Chuck Norris’s nose.

- Chuck Norris knows the Krabby Patty formula

- Chuck Norris once fought Superman; the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

- Chuck Norris is the leading cause of death. Death is number two.

- Someone bet Chuck Norris once that he couldn’t spit over the entire ceiling of a church…Michaelangelo STILL owes him ten bucks.

- On Father’s Day, send Chuck Norris a card…just in case.

- The Spartans were the first official Chuck Norris cheerleading team.

- In the 1950’s, Chuck Norris banged an entire covenant of nuns, who later gave birth the 1975 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history.

- Superman was Chuck Norris for Halloween.

- Mike Tyson’s face tattoo and Chuck Norris’s shoe have the same pattern.

- Aliens exist, but are smart enough to leave Chuck Norris’s planet alone.

- Remember when the T-Rex was chasing the Jeep in Jurassic Park? Well, in reality Chuck Norris was chasing both the T-Rex and the Jeep.

- Most people fear the Grim Reaper; Chuck Norris sees him as a “promising rookie"

44 things a girl would die for.

1-touch her waist

2-talk to her

3-share secrets

4-give her your jacket

5-kiss her slowly and touch her face.

Are you remembering this?

6-hug her

7-hold her

8-laugh with her

9-invite her somewhere

10-let her be with you when you're with your friends

Keep reading

11-smile with her

12-take pics with her

13-pull her onto your lap

14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back

15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.

Are you thinking about someone?

16-always hug her and say "i love you" when you see her

17-kiss her unexpectedly

18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST

19- NEVER ignore her.

20-tell her the way you feel about her!

Oh, and on that last one... u need to show her you mean it too

21-kiss her on the lips

22-Tell her she means everything to you

23-tell her what feels good

24-make her feel loved

25-kiss her in front of other girls you know

26-don't lie to her

27-dont cheat on her

28-take her anywhere she wants

29-instant message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her

30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

Are you still reading this? You better be, its important

31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too.

32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.

33. Kiss her on the cheek (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).

34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her

Remember this next time you are with her

36. when people diss her, stand up for her. take her side no matter what.

37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. (if you mean it)

38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.

39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.

40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHE'S LOVED

41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.

42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.

43. Take her for long walks at night. (she'll feel safe, if you put your arms around her.)

44. Always Remind her how much you love her.

Youll never know when she needs just a lil more love Repost this in 20 sec. or you will lose the one you care about the most!! Guys Repost: "i would do this for her" Girls Repost: 44 things a girl would die for

Girls Don't Realise These things

I'm sorry

that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry

That I was raised with respect and not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry

That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry

that I open your car door and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry

That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry

That I am actually nice and not a jerk

I'm sorry

I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry

I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry

I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.

I'm sorry

That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date

I'm sorry

That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry

That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry

If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry

If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry

that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry

If you read this and know somebody like this but you just don't fucking care

But most of all

I'm sorry

For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry

That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry

I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry

I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry

That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry

That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm sorry

That I cared

I'm sorry

that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies/ always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

This is a real story.

A 16 year old teenager was RAPED. She later learned that she was pregnant with her rapist's child. She wanted an abortion, but her father, a die-hard christian, refused, saying it was her fault she was raped, and it was god's way of punishing her. Or, she was impregnated by a friend, and had the baby without the father, who ran away, if you can call someone like that a father.

She had the baby of a RAPIST, and her grades dropped drastically, as well as her mental condition, physical health, and her happiness. She later killed herself, both due to her father's spite and the stress of being a single, teenae mother, and her bastard child went on to impregnate YET ANOTHER 16 year old, then ran away, as to not deal with the child, thereby restarting the cycle.

If you think abortion is okay in certain circumstances, copy and paste this to your profile. IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS! PER SE: BEING RAPED! But if you don't want the child, then you should've used protection, or PULLED THE FUCK OUT. SERIOUSLY. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFERENT.

If you are a person who knows what a best friend truly is, or not, read on anyway. A best friend is a person that you share many interests with. That's the definition. The reality is that a best friend is a person that, if you were the opposite gender as they were, you would bang them. A person who you accept for who he is, and he does the same. A person that you can walk down a street waving and smiling at cars like a retard, and he'll laugh with you. If you have a person like this, copy and paste to your profile. If you know any other ways, add them on.

If you are a person who values the QUALITY of your freinds over the QUANTITY of them, copy and paste to your profile

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Meanings of a kiss and a gesture

Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"

Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"

Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"

Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"

Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"

Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"

Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"

Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means...

Holding Hands = "We definitely love each other"

Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"

Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"

Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"

Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"

Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"

Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"

picking someone up off their feet = "That they love them fully and would do anything for them"

40 Things To Do In An Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in one corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to open the doors, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open by themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them all to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at every floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises whenever someone else presses a button.

10. Stare, grinning, at another person for a while, then say, "I have new socks on."

11.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square with chalk on the floor then say to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug with the other passengers. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say that you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi, Greg. How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone bends to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend that you're a flight attendant, and review emergency exits with the other passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Yell, "Group hug!", then enforce it.

23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift as you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

26. Walk in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!", then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring--don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, then say, "Is that your final answer?"

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask people what floor they want. Whenever they answer, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

33. Ask loudly, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell different people that you can see their aura.

35. When the door closes, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Start breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air.

38. If you are the only one in the lift, press all the buttons then stand and stare at the door, waiting for someone to come in.

39. If someone looks at you, laugh maniacally and tell them that you're there for the mental health convention.

40. Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce: "It is time..."

I Have A Few Questions . . .

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do stairs go up or down?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

When French people swear do they say “Pardon my English?”

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If a person with Multiple Personality Disorder threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can I'm one of them. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

"If you think that nothing is impossible, then you've obviously never tried slamming a revolving door."

"2 wrongs don't make a right; 3 wrongs do."

"I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."

"I'm a paranoid apathiest. I know someones out to get me and I just don't care."

"If the world was a stage, I'd want to be the one operating the trap door."

"I wonder why people say 'life is so short?' when life is the longest thing that you will ever experience?"

"An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!' "

"You can't have everything... where would you put it?"

"Travel to exotic places, see new things, meet more people and make more friends... then kill them."

"A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and make it sound confusing."

"Never go to sleep with a grudge... plot your revenge!"

"If curiosity killed the cat, then what about it's other lives?"

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying."

"Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if we do, then to HELL with you, here's to ME!"

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."

"I've not failed. I've just found thousand ways that don't work."

"According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless."

"Don't steal. The government hates the competition."

"Tell the truth and run."

"Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to."

"Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate."

"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.."

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."

"Generally, generalizations are wrong."

"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad."

"All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative."

"If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research."

"The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?"

"If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over."

"Whatever you are, be a good one."

"You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."

"You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public."

"Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong."

"The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for."

"If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?"

"Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead."

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."

"We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we percieve reality."

"If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire."

"A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic."

"Have the courage to live. Anyone can die."

"Education is important. School, however, is another matter."

"When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger."

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months."

Friends vs best friends

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for his number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of himself too.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when she rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're a lesbian, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when she breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call her up and whisper, "Seven days, bitch..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in. (In my case I'd just laugh at them and swim)

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run BITCH Run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Dude! Drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste! CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!"

Friends: Will ask you to be their wingman.

Best friends: Will get your ass laid, TONIGHT.

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".\

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".\

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.

No Means No

Guy: "Can we have sex right now?

Girl: "Can we do what?"

Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"

Girl: "Um...no."

Guy: "Why?"

Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my friend..."

Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won't tell."

Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."

Guy: "I'm not special to you?"

Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."

Guy: looks forward and keeps driving. 5 minutes pass...

Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.

Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me.".

Guy: tries to kiss her.

Girl: screams, "Would you stop."

Guy: continues trying.

Girl: moves to the back seat

Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl. Starts to kiss her.

Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."

Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.

Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."

Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard to get".

Girl: crying, continues to fight. Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.

Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"

Guy: puts his hand over her mouth. An hour passes...

Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.

Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, crying.

Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.

Girl: pulls back, "Just take me home, now."

Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.

2 months later...

Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in 2 months."

Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."

Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure to receive.

Doctor: "You are pregnant."

Girl: faints.

The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you." The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got her pregnant...then he lied about it. So completely depressed...the girl commits suicide by drug overdose...

Whoever calls themselves a man and does this to a girl deserves to be slowly tortured and burned then butt raped by huge frickin horses for eternity. For those of you who thinks this is the proper punishment for rapist copy this in your profile so we can spread the word that rape is one of the most disgusting things we as humans can do to one another.