Author has written 8 stories for Omen, Jaws, Maximum Ride, Hunger Games, Phantom of the Opera, Of Mice and Men, and Death Note.
Nobody needs to know my real name, but on this site, my name is Kaen, so just call me that. I have an ambition to be an author when I grow up, and I really should be working on something I can actually get published, but I really love fan fiction, so that's what I'm going to write for now. I love my stories and I really hope you do too!
I have a really good friend who uses this site. Her pen name is MangaLuver1423. She can't upload stories yet, but trust me, she's got some really good ones on the way! Go check out her profile.
Why yes, this IS a ridiculously long profile. Thank you for noticing.
Author Profile -
Name: Kaen Okami
Likes: Writing, reading, classic Disney, video games that aren't all just about graphics and shooting the crap out of everything (Legend of Zelda, Final Fantasy, etc.) stand-up comedians (especially George Carlin), YouTube, English, golden retrievers, the Nostalgia Critic, chocolate, anime (Naruto and Death Note FTW), the Angry Video Game Nerd, rock and alternative music, friends, swimming, Tom and Jerry, good books, horror movies, quizzes, anything funny, FANFICTION.
Dislikes: Boredom, everything having to do with freaking TWILIGHT (*rant rant rant*), math, tomatoes, my mild trypanophobia (Ha! Now you have to go look up what that means), SYOT (Send Your Own Tribute) fics in the Hunger Games archive, screwing things up, artificial berry flavors, fear, Justin Bieber, most insects (especially wasps and large spiders), crazy Justin Bieber fangirls, annoying things/people, book characters I think were deliberately modeled after Justin Bieber to appeal to the teenage girl population *coughDYLAN!cough, unnecessary crappy sequels, THE BAT CREDIT CARD! (OCs: Oh, no...*run away*).
House at Hogwarts: Ravenclaw
Political Party: Les Amis d'ABC. What, that's not a political party? Damn it...All right then. AVIAN-AMERICANS FTW!
Favorite Color: Any shade of blue.
Favorite Singers/Bands/Composers: Linkin Park, James Durbin, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Sonata Arctica, Evanescence, Within Temptation, Bon Jovi, Nobuo Uematsu, Hans Zimmer etc.
Favorite Movies: The Omen, Damien: Omen II, The Terminator, Terminator 2 (arguably the best sequel ever), The Outsiders, Phantom of the Opera, Scream, Alien, Aliens (arguably the second best sequel ever), The Sandlot, My Cousin Vinnie, Jaws, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Lion King, The Great Mouse Detective, The Lion King II, The Matrix trilogy, etc.
Favorite Books: The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, Maximum Ride and Daniel X by James Patterson, Skippy Dies by Paul Murray, the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, Room by Emma Donoghue, etc.
Top 4 Favorite Plays/Musicals:
1. Phantom of the Opera (My eternal obsession)
2. Les Miserables
3. West Side Story
4. Romeo and Juliet (Mercutio FTW, Romeo's an irritating drama-queen / pansy...XD)
I am fictionally married to: Uchiha Sasuke - Naruto (He might be an emo, but he's MY emo!), Cloud Strife - Final Fantasy VII, Dallas Winston - The Outsiders, Gale Hawthorne - The Hunger Games, Fang - Maximum Ride, Riku - Kingdom Hearts, Dennis Hoey - Skippy Dies, Daniel X - Daniel X, Enjolras - Les Mis, Light Yagami - Death Note (Yes, I am entirely aware of what his last name backwards is. And so is he. He's not amused. I am, though. :P).
As for my religion, I am Christian, but I most definitely will not shove my personal beliefs down your throat. I prefer to keep them to myself, thank you. Despite the stereotype, I will not dislike people just because they hold different beliefs than I do (or have a different sexual orientation). It's not my or anyone else's place to judge. Everyone's human, what's there to judge?
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says "if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven."
My Personal Preference for Pairings -
Hunger Games -
I am a proud supporter of Galeniss, Kale, whatever you want to call it. Peeta's a sweet, caring, wonderful guy, and I don't hate him AT ALL, but I just can't see him and Katniss together romantically. Yes, I have read Mockingjay through to the fluffy little epilogue, but Peeta and Katniss always seemed more like close friends than lovers. Gale and Katniss felt to me like the more deep-rooted, closer, better match. And let me clarify one thing that contains Mockingjay spoilers so if you haven't read that yet scroll somewhere else NOW - Did Gale launch those bombs? No. Did he send Prim into a war zone? No. Did he want to hurt Katniss or Prim at all? No. Who was responsible for all that? That manipulating b*tch Coin. She deserved everything she got from Katniss. *evil grin* Besides, can you really call a pairing Peeniss or Katpee? Yeah, I didn't think so.
I love the Naruhina pairing. Love, love, love it. Hinata started off weak and nervous and constantly doubting herself, but she matured into a strong, confident kunoichi who can fight for herself, and still retained the shy sweetness and caring heart that made me like her. This was partly due to Naruto's influence on her, and I think he would be a good match for her. They balance each other out. And I think Naruto loves her too, he's just realizing it slower.
As for Narusaku, I think Grenade by Bruno Mars exemplifies their relationship. Stupid Sakura having Naruto doing everything and just whining about it in the background...Can't she see she's only hurting him?
Sasusaku...Okay, I might have a soft spot for this pairing. But I will only support it if Sakura stops being an ungrateful, useless, whining pink-haired b*tch. I know she's made an effort to improve herself, and succeeded to an extent, but even after all that training and her transformation into a shinobi that's much more worthy of respect if anything, she still hasn't done much to help Naruto in the long run and she still hasn't garnered my acceptance. Even if I did go as her for Halloween one time...But the stupid armband kept falling off...Anyway. If she can prove that she truly has grown to love Sasuke, and actually does something to help him and/or Naruto, I may come to like their pairing. Otherwise, Uchiha Sasuke is mine forever! Mwahahahahahahaha!
Final Fantasy VII-
Though I will admit that Cloud/Tifa is the more canonical seeming pairing, I will continue to support Cloud/Aeris. This, I believe, is the true pairing. Cloud and Tifa knew each other from childhood, but Tifa didn't really notice him until he joined AVALANCHE. Aeris always seemed to love him more, from the very beginning, and he visibly returned those feelings. Yes, I know Cloud and Tifa ended up living together, and yes, I know that something had to have happened between Cloud and Tifa under the Highwind that night *wink wink, but I believe that Cloud only feels for Tifa as a friend, and loves Aeris. A little bit of proof for you - In the ending cutscene, when Cloud and Tifa are climbing out of the pit or whatever, Cloud starts talking about going to see Aeris, WHILE HE IS HOLDING TIFA IN HIS ARMS, NOT TWO FREAKING INCHES AWAY FROM HIS BODY. And the date scene for the game - Though the choices you make effect who takes Cloud on a date, the default is Aeris, not Tifa. Though it might be interesting if the default was Barret or Yuffie and you had to really make your choices carefully to get Aeris or Tifa...But that wasn't the point. Now, I will read and like good Cloti fics, but I really do love a sweet Cleris fic.
Maximum Ride -
FAX FAX FAX FAX FAX. All the mother-freaking way. I don't care how the series turns out, Max and Fang will always belong together. They had a great relationship going, until Dylan came along and threw the beautiful Faxness into chaos. I really don't like Dylan. He's as plastic as a Ken doll, he has no personality, he blames all the trouble he's causing on Fang, and he probably shot Bambi's mom, too! He can either die in a hole or go be with Maya. Think about that, about the possibility of Maylan or Daya. If she has the same genetic makeup as Max, won't Dylan's programming work so that he can love her too? Mylan is too...too perfectly engineered. Max and Dylan are literally made to fit each other, but that isn't what a real relationship should be built on. It should be built on close companionship, true affection that develops over time, matching and complimenting personalities...all things Max and Fang have in their relationship. I hardly think that would change in such a short amount of time. Fax will always be the true pairing of the series, no matter what James Patterson says, and even if it can only live on this site. FAX FOREVER!
On a lighter note, Ella and Iggy are finally canon! Woo-hoo! We fans CALLED IT! Hooray for canonical Eggyness!
SCREW TWILIGHT. SCREW EDWARD. SCREW BELLA. DAMN THEM ALL TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL WHERE THEY SHALL BURN SOME MORE AFTER I SET THEM ALL ON FIRE. THANK YOU.
Les Miserables -
I originally supported Eponine/Marius, even thought I only found about two stories that were different from the rest and that I liked.
Eponine: Which, incidentally, is about the number of fans Cosette has. *grin*
Cosette: WHAT?! WHY YOU LITTLE - !
Kaen: Get out of here, you two, you're not part of this! By the way, if anyone wants to know, I only remember the name of one of those fics - Eponine: StreetratFighterLover? by PenAndInkPrincess. It's really very good, I highly recommend reading it.
Anyway, I am not supporting Eponine/Marius anymore. The pairing is unrealistic and most fics of that pairing are the same. Besides, most Marius/Cosette fics are cute, sweet, and fluffy, and I rather like that.
I do like Eponine/Montparnasse fics, but the pairings I truly support are the aforementioned M/C, and my favorite now, E/E - Eponine and Enjolras. I have been converted from E/M to E/E by an absolutely, all-around brilliant author - twostrandsofmelody. Her stories are amazing, and I would highly suggest reading all of them. Not just the Les Mis ones, but the Phantom and (dare I say it?) Love Never Dies fics too. The characters are perfectly in-character and the stories are excellent. She's my favorite author for the Les Mis and Phantom categories. The Les Mis stories in particular are so good that they made me a devout supporter of the Eppie-Enji pairing. Plus, it's a pairing of my two favorite Les Mis characters, so it's pretty perfect! And think about it - Enji is a great guy, and he'd see past Eppie's appearance and background to see the awesomeness that lies beneath it. It could happen, if Enji made his feelings known to her. And let's face it, who wouldn't pick Enjolras over Marius if given the choice?
All right, now here comes the Big Debate... *raises twin katanas in self-defense position*
Phantom of the Opera -
I have shipped Raoul/Christine since I first saw Phantom, and I don't intend to write any other way. I love Erik to death, but I really can't see him and Christine working out romantically, unless you're twostrandsofmelody and can pull that kind of thing off in a fic perfectly. Now, just because I strongly favor the R/C pairing, doesn't mean I hate E/C with a burning passion. I will read and like E/C fics, but only if they are A) good, B) realistic, and C) don't drastically change Raoul's character from the very start and change him from the sweet, gentle guy he is into an evil jerk to justify Christine leaving him for Erik. I actually have a soft spot for everyone's favorite (or least favorite) foppish Vicomte, and I don't like people writing him out of character like that, whether they like him or not. The same goes for Christine. Okay, I know what most phans think of the canonical pair: Christine is an idiotic, airheaded girl who deliberately tried to break Erik's heart and Raoul's a cruel, vain, pushy aristocrat who can't not be possessive or abusive or an alcoholic, and he probably shot Bambi's mom too. But come on, really?! Christine never wanted to hurt anybody, least of all her teacher. Even if she didn't love him, she must have cared for him somehow. And give the poor girl a break, she was only sixteen, she was frightened, and Erik was putting her under tremendous pressure. You can't really blame her for not wanting to go with him. Especially if her other option was marrying a guy like Raoul... :)
Erik: *brandishes punjab lasso*
Kaen: Hey, relax, Erik!
Erik: What did you mean by that last sentence?
Kaen: That Raoul's not as bad as everyone makes him out to be! And if you were thinking of punjabbing me... *smirks and raises hand* Hand at the level of my eye! Ha ha! I remembered! You know, if you think about it, it's not that hard to remember, especially if they sing it like twenty times over...
Okay, let's move on to the really misunderstood character: Raoul. He's hated and made fun of much more than Christine is. (You never hear of the phrase Christine-Bashing, do you?) But honestly, does he deserve it? If you think about it, Raoul is one freaking awesome fop! He truly does love Christine (not that Erik doesn't, don't think I'm saying that) and he was ready to die to protect her. Although I will admit, it's tough to balance that against Erik, who would kill for her - Which is better or worse, you have to decide? He's a sweet, caring person who would do anything for the person he loves, and despite the "misunderstandings" - as he put it while trying to explain to his beloved daughter (an OC of mine) why everyone hates her parents after rabid phangirls massed in front of de Chagny manor with torches, pitchforks, and their homemade punjab lassos, demanding a sacrifice of either him or Christine - he didn't want to get Erik killed just because he hated him (and was a little jealous of him, I think) he was only trying to keep Christine out of danger. She kept telling him how scared she was of what Erik was doing, and he only had her best interests at heart. He loved her and only wanted to keep her safe and happy, and that's one of the OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND -
Erik: *facepalm* Kaen...
Kaen: Oh, come on, Internet memes aren't THAT bad!
- reasons that Love Never Dies is completely unrealistic. Raoul's not an idiot - though he does act the fool sometimes - and he'd be smart enough not to gamble away his family fortune and then turn into a drunk wife-beater. That's mostly because as mentioned before, he loves Christine, would never do anything to hurt her, etc., etc., but partly because if he does, Erik and I will make him wear the Cone of Shame. And Raoul does not like the Cone of Shame...
Long story short, don't write Raoul and Christine out of character, because they're great and it's not writing them as who they really are, which I think takes a lot away from the story. Seriously, people, you have to think of some canon, even if you're writing an uncanon pairing.
(I personally will never accept the OOC mess known as Love Never Dies as canon...Honestly, the movie industry's been degraded enough by crappy sequels, this did not need to happen to a masterpiece like Phantom. The music is lovely - of course it is, it's Lloyd-Webber, albeit at his lowest - but the plot...Holy mother of God, the plot. It's a badly written, poorly thought out, completely unnecessary E/C fanfic! That's all it is! What evil force compelled Andrew Lloyd-Webber to bring that abomination to life, I don't think we want to know. I swear, the freaking devil must have been involved with that...
Adrian and Damien Thorn: Why do we always get blamed for everything?!
Kaen: All right, I'll drop the rant now, I'm not bringing you two into this... )
A wonderful example of a great E/C fic is The True Distortion by twostrandsofmelody. The characters are perfectly in character, it's well-written, Raoul starts out in-character and his descent into abusive alcoholic makes sense, and it's in all categories the best E/C fic I've ever read, and one of the best Phantom fics in general. I highly recommend reading it. Anyway, the phanfic I'm writing now, Tenebris Lux, focuses mainly on OC/OC pairings, but it is also an R/C fic. I think there are many possibilities for nice, sweet fics to be written for this often-overshadowed pairing. With Tenebris Lux, I'm hoping to supplement the serious lack of R/C on this site, and I really would like to start reading others.
Copy and Paste Section! -
If you would stand up for your favorite pairings and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name after mine: Mind Seeker, Dewdrop13, Medalis, Invisibool, DeaMii22, Mythscaenger, puckabrina-percabeth-fax101(OK my name makes it OBVIOUS), Silkmouse, Qille, Kaen Okami
If you claim to have no life and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever gone to edit your profile, saw all your cut and paste things, and thought "DAMN! That is a lot of crap!" copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you realize that by joining this site, you are a part of something special, paste this into your profile.
If you appreciate the beauty of movie soundtracks and own at least one, paste this into your profile.
If you've ever really wanted to give a certain cartoon character a hug, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you wonder who started these thingamawhatevers, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever seen an animated movie so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.
Disney...You are more than what you have become. You must retake your place in the circle of media conglomerates. If you wish for another Disney Renaissance and get the classic Disney back for a new generation to grow up with, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Princess and the Frog and Tangled are good signs! Keep it going, Disney!)
If you hate Twilight with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, copy and paste this into your profile, grab a bat, and let's find Robert Pattinson!
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.
WHETHER IT'S BETWEEN TWO MALES, TWO FEMALES, OR A MALE AND A FEMALE, LOVE IS LOVE!! ...if you agree, put this in your profile.
If you easily finish one novel a day, copy/paste onto profile.
If you've ever wanted to give a movie or show character a flyingtacklehug, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you wish you could just grow wings and fly away from your problems, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are a member of the LFC fan club, (Love fictional Characters,) copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think you should be able to watch what you want on TV without being called immature, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile.
95 of teens would cry if all the Twilight books in the world were going to burn. If you're one of the 5 that bring their own box of matches post this on your profile.
A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. Best friends Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.
A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.
A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.
A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Dear Team Edward,
You say Stephanie Meyer, we say Gaston Leroux.
You watch Twilight, we watch MANY versions of Phantom of the Opera.
You love Edward, we love Erik.
Edward has a volvo, Erik has a chandelier.
You listen to Bella's lullaby, we listen to the Music of the Night.
Edward sparkles, which makes Erik more deadly and sexy.
But, you see, there's still one problem...
Only Erik can exist! Sincerely, Team Erik.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( but that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I was hoping it was going to be frozen... darn.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!!...)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a plastic bag of carrots from the school cafeteria: "Ingredients: Carrots." (What? Darnit, I was expecting mangos!)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and put this on your profile to bring a smile to someone (maybe even a chuckle)...
What High School Musical has Taught Us
1. If you wish to show your inability or dislike for dancing, it's perfectly reasonable to break out in a dance number.
2. College? It's not important, as long as you can hang out with your friends.
3. If your love is strong enough, fireworks will go off, and lanterns will fly away as you and your boyfriend kiss.
4. Playing sports is a hint that it's time to break into song.
5. Don't worry about being rude/mean because in the end things will work out for you.
6. School spirit is a must. Especially during the summer.
7. Your friends are not human and should always be addressed by the name of their school mascot.
8. Yes! You can paint your locker pink! Screw the school board.
9. You can be a chef, lifeguard, or golf assistant...no experience needed!
10. A guy can never wear too much bronzer.
11. Lakes are the equilivant of mirrors. They can show your reflection perfectly!
12. It is possible to memorize a 3 minute song over the course of 30 seconds...and sing it perfectly!
13. It doesn't matter that you're not a staff member... You can still attend any and all staff events.
14. The phrase 'more moves than an octopus in a wrestling match' is something that can be used in everyday conversation
15. There are two bells that get you out of school. The first one tells you to start singing and dancing, the second announces you should stop.
16. Even though its the last day of school, its okay to leave stuff in the locker for the summer.
17. If your family is 'saving pennies' for your college education and gives you a junky truck to drive because they 'can't afford anything else', it is normal for their kitchen to have expensive granite counter tops and a $7,000 fridge.
18. Pianos can float now. Go ahead, try it.
19. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear girl's capris.
20. If you're upset, just run through a golf course, jumping and spinning, while singing 'Bet on it'...you won't fall at any point, and no one will stop and think 'what the flip?'.
21. You can send telepathic messages to your mom to tell her to pick you up just as you're finishing your breakup song with your boyfriend.
22. A resort can be highly successful when there are way more employees than guests.
23. 'And she stepped on the ball' is actually quite funny. You just need to put it into context.
24. One family can apparently control an entire city, including all educational institutions in the area.
25. It's good manners to refer to your mother as a 'backstabber'
26. Turkey imported from Maine is much better than any other turkey. In fact, it's fabulous...
27. Apparently, it is now possible to hire an entire high school to be the staff at an upscale country club.
28. Iced tea from England is blue
29. Water Bug is a really cute, funny, and romantic pet name.
30. Being a teenage paparazzi at school and taking multiple pictures of the same two people is not weird or creepy in any way
31 .When your girlfriend tells you that your shoes don't match your tie, you must do a stupid looking surfer move to see if she's right, you can't just look down.
32. Take two small saucepan lids and bang them together. You'll find they make the exact same sound as a large GONG. Go on, have a go.
33. It IS possible to have any object in the world come in pink & engraved with your initials.
34. If you are the basketball star of your school, you can get yourself, as well as the rest of the school, summer jobs.
35. Lava Springs apparently had no employees, since they had to hire a whole new staff.
36. Don't change your friends, change your dreams.
37. 'What team?' 'Wildcats!''GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!' can fix any problem.
38. Basketball scholarships at the University of Albuquerque depend completely on your musical performance skills
39. Guitars and speaker equipment can be placed near a pool safely.
40.When you frolic with your girlfriend in the golf course, you get in trouble. When you frolic by yourself and sing, nothing happens, of course.
41. Zac Efron has a huge mouth, in the literal sense.
And it's all true!
You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...
1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
2. You see someone in a white lab coat then run off screaming.
3. You've called one of your siblings/friends/family members Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel.
4. You refuse to talk to anyone who's named Ari.
5. You claim you have wings.
6. You drool when you hear the word 'Fang'.
7. You daydream about meeting the flock.
8. You've reread Maximum Ride about 3 times or more.
9. You look for the flock's theme songs and get excited when you find one that fits perfect.
10. You study about birds.
11. You hate science class/refuse to dissect any type of animal.
12. You have a crush on Iggy or Fang or both.
13. You read Fang's blog daily. Even though you know it's JP talking.
14. You're waiting for your 'Nick Ride'.
15. You are counting down the days for the next book. (Which is coming out February 2012)
16. You will go to the first opening for the movie, even if it's at midnight.
17. You look in the mirror cautiously to make sure your reflection is not an Eraser.
18. You hate dog crates.
19. You think scientists are evil.
20. You argue with people if Max is a girl's name or a guy's.
21. When your spending the night at a friend's, you say you'll take first watch.
22. You've found a new respect for blind people.
23. You think MR is the best series ever and you want to meet James Patterson, author.
24. You say 'U and A' a lot.
25. You think you have a Voice like Max.
26. You've gotten your Online Friends hooked on it.
27. You use sarcastic remarks from MR.
28. You know what 'Fax' is.
29. You were one of the characters from MR for Halloween.
30. You claim to have brain attacks.
31. You protect your thoughts. Angel might be reading them.
32. You give a crazy look to people who don't know what MR is.
33. You daydream of flying.
34. You love chocolate chip cookies.
35. You seriously felt like you were in the book.
36. If you want to become a writer because of MR
37. If they make a poster, shirt, key-chain, button, anything MR you will buy it.
38. If you love Fan-fiction.
39. In school, it's hard to concentrate because you're thinking of Maximum Ride.
40. You want a talking dog.
41. You have kidnapped one or more of the characters or have plans to do so.
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
If you hate soggy fries, mysterious disappearing profiles, getting up before 10:45am on any given day, stupid people, "popular" kids, wanna-be Britneys, Paris Hilton, leafy veggies, warm soda, the killing-off of Sirius Black, getting disconnected from the internet, not being able to find the remote, living without cable, dropping your ice cream scoop, clowns who take their jobs WAY too seriously, hypocritical teachers who don’t like being corrected by you, arcades cheating you off your tokens, losing all your left socks, finding expired food in your bag, dropping soap bars while bathing, city-wide blackouts, cockroaches that crawl over you hand, dropping sewing needles in the couch, people who don’t flush the toilet, annoying waiters, teachers who repeat themselves, the sound of chewing, breaking a lucky number 2 pencil during a test, weird dogs popping out at you, perverted stalker fans, getting tanned, brushing your teeth after drinking orange juice, spinach, people who flame fanfic authors, people who write and post crap on the net, getting lost in a mall, losing a small screw, random plungers being flung at your head causing you to lose the small screw, dropping your cell phone thrice within 30 minutes, typos, post-its that don’t stick, the obsolete VCD, word problems you can’t solve, annoyingly hard logic puzzles, a dripping faucet, not being able to sleep at night, falling asleep in the bathroom, losing, slurping soup with soup spoons, not being able to get that last drop of diet coke in a can, getting paper cuts, finding mysterious bruises on your body, that annoying itch that won't go away no matter how much you scratch it, being called ‘sensitive’ by people whose asses you could kick hands down, not knowing what certain words mean, not having a dictionary to use for knowing what certain words mean, flies that annoy you while you’re eating, forgetting to zip up your fly, sitting in an ant hill, fanfictions that have waaaaaaaaaaaay too many chapters simply because the chapters are realyreallyreallyreally short, not being able to solve a rubix cube under a time limit, not being able to solve a rubix cube, people that beg you for money on Runescape, running out of fishing bait on RuneScape, people asking you to be their gf/bf on RuneScape, people calling you a noob on Runescape when you're 40 levels higher than them and could pwn them in under a minute, the tortuously long wait for your next Netflix disk to hurry up and come already, boring rip-off movies that last for hours, horrible endings to good movies, missing your favorite TV shows, the cancellation of a good show, the end of INU-YASHA, forgetting what you were thinking of 3 seconds ago, watches that say ‘waterproof’ but are not, having cheese stuck under your nails while eating popcorn, having to tell a joke three or more times for people to get it, having a person tell you a joke three or more times cuz you don't get it, mocha-flavored candy, forgetting to write your name on your test paper, forgetting your own birthday was yesterday, people who want you to give a damn, people who suck up to the teacher just because they’re failing the subject for the third time, people who pee on walls, people who think Salmonella is a person, HP crossovers that make no sense, fanfic writers who make HP crossovers that make no sense, cheesy pick-up lines, Pokemon re-runs, getting yourself locked in a closet with your worst enemy, people who aren’t aware of how superior you are to them, running out of gravy while eating KFC, Writer’s block, people who think they’re EMO if they act EMO, people who confuse EMO with GOTH, people who say anime and cartoons are the same, Americans who attempt to recreate anime on their own, people who say Avatar is an anime, people who absolutely will not stop talking when you're reading a fanfiction you've had on your Firefox tab for eight hours, metallic paperclips that rust, people who think Egyptian mythology is boring, Sushi gone wrong, Sushi, accidentally swallowing chewing gum, evil melted marshmallows that want to eat you and take over the world, people that call your cell phone more than ten times in 24 hours, computer Viruses, waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, waking up before 9am, Dora the Explorer, people who discriminate, people who play favorites with kids, then congratulations, you are awesome. Please COPY and PASTE this on your profile and add your name to the list. XxxIshida's GirlxxX, HoldOnToYourTunaCans, SakuraKiss234, I love Neville, Kaen Okami
A black man walked into a restaurant and sat down. A white waiter approached him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen, sir...When I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go into the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you, sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE, and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
A Hunger Games Addict’s Prayer
I promise to remember Rue
When mockingbirds’ songs wake me
I’ll think of Foxface every time
I eat a strange new berry
If my little sister pets a goat
I promise to think of Prim
And if my best friend acts depressed
Then Gale; I’ll think of him
When I toss some wood in the fire
I’ll think of Katniss every time
And I’ll always think of Peeta
When my birthday cake’s sublime
The Capitol will cross my mind
When someone is unfair
I’ll be sure to think of Clove
Each time I pretend to care
I’ll always think of Glimmer
If someone’s pretty, but a dunce
And Thresh will occupy my mind
If I spare someone, something... Once
Whenever I watch a reality show
I will think of the Hunger Games
I’ll sure imagine Haymitch
If someone calls me names
I swear to think of Cato
When I’m homicidally inclined
I’ll make sure I think of Effie
When there’s nothing on my mind
I swear to remember the Hunger Games
And Catching Fire too
It’s important to think of the characters
But they’re NOT mine (So, Collins, don’t sue!)
6 REASONS NOT TO MESS WITH CHILDREN AND WHY THEY ARE CONSIDERED DIABOLICAL
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4. One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the sink. She suddenly notices that her mother had several strands of whitehair on her head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Momma?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something to make me sad or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl pondered this revelation for a while, then said, "Momma, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?"
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael, He's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Kids Are Quick _
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher!
1 - YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first three letters of your name and 'izzle') = Kaeizzle
2 - YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite colour and favourite animal) = Skyblue Wolf
3 - YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and the street you live on) = Elizabeth Locust
4 - YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first three letters of your last name, first two letters of your first) = Amika
5 - YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (your second favorite colour, and favourite drink) = Gold Chocolate-Milk...O_o WTH?
6 - YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (your parents' middle names) = Brady Richard
7 - YOUR GOTH NAME: (bloody and your pet's name) = Bloody Dolly... Whoa, that sounds creepy even to me.
When I realized that "OK" is a sideways stick figure my mind was blown.
About the Kyuubi's chakra color: Some think it's red. Some think its orange. Some think its crimson. If you are one of those who don't give a damn, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile
If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.
SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! If you are really random put this on your profile.
If you would dump your boyfriend/girlfriend upon learning they are racist, copy this into your profile.
If you think it's weird and sad that many girls get up ridiculously early to do their hair and make-up and pick out the perfect outfit EVERY DAY and yet somehow have no time to eat breakfast, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever been so bored you just sat in the computer chair staring at your computer copy this into your profile.
If you know the clowns are out to get you, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are a huge Phantom of the Opera phangirl and proud of it, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you are one of those girls who hates Twilight and likes Narnia and Lord of the Rings, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Erik's face wasn't that bad in the 2004 movie once Christine removed his mask, then copy and paste this onto your profile and sign your pen name. Pearlmaidenredskyla, Queen Madisyn of Narnia, Neverland Child, EriksNewLove, Maxniss Everide, Kaen Okami (Who's next?)
Copy and Paste if you cannot understand anyone who saw POTO and did not immediately become obsessed with it.
If you're writing a novel or book that ISN'T fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile.
Copy and Paste if you absolutely loathe when someone claims to love POTO and all they can say about it is "oh i love that movie i saw it like a year ago it was the one where the lady sings and he stalks her and oh my gawd his face was ugly...haha i know sooo much about it!"
If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.
If you are crazy and proud of it: copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
If you are intolerant of intolerant people, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.
.eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI
If you think that Kristen Stewart is a bad actress and that Robert Pattinson is as ugly as anyone could be in this movie, copy and paste this into your profile. (btw, He ALWAYS looks like he is in pain)
95 of America's teen girls would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers on top of a building about to jump. If you are on of the 5 percent who would yell "Then jump already!!", copy and paste this to your profile.
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off.
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.
If you think that rap is only good when it's spelled with two P's, like Anthony Rapp, copy this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile.
This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him achieve world domination.
SUPPORT THE BUNNY!
98 percent of teenagers has drank alcohol or done drugs. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile
If you have ever heard of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, copy this into your profile. (September 19! Don't forget!)
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!
If you have ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
The 6 truths of life...
1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!
Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
If you see a zombie with a chainsaw running after you, run for your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A computer can beat you at chess, but it's no match for me at kickboxing.
I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by a sparkly thing.
Sometimes you think things like, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" And then it hits you.
There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people who ask them.
The world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus.
It doesn't have to make sense to be funny.
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. But it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
I have a life. I simply choose to spend it on the computer.
Ignore those losers who talk behind your back, it only means you're two steps ahead of them.
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and forget the ones who don’t. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it’d be worth it.
You know you're obsessed with Twilight when you look at your shirtless boyfriend and think, "Sparkle, you fool, sparkle!"
Moms: They're like dads, only smarter.
The hell with the dog, beware of owner.
A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.
When life gives you lemons, you shut up and eat your damn lemons.
Nobody dies a virgin. Life screws us all.
Everyone is gifted. Some just open the package sooner.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I am the future of America. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Some people blame our generation, but did they ever stop to think, who raised us?
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. It's your choice.
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
I live in fantasyland and have oceanfront property.
Why get a boyfriend? If I wanted a stupid animal to follow me around all the time I’d go to the pet store.
"Where are you going?” “Crazy! And I’m driving!”
Today I shall be happier than a bird with a French fry.
God made man, then thought, "I can do better than that," and then He made woman.
By the time you finish reading this you will have wasted five seconds of your life.
By the time you finish reading this you will have finished reading it.
People say you can't live without love. I think oxygen is more important.
Isn't it funny how day-by-day nothing changes, and then when you look back, everything's different?
Love is like war: Easy to start, hard to end, and impossible to forget.
Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.
Behind every successful person lies a pack of haters.
I dream of a better tomorrow…where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
Never look back unless you're planning to go that way.
Another candle on your cake? Don't worry. Be glad you have the strength to blow the damn things out!
I've discovered I often vision the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.
I agree with the dictionary: Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
Don't hit kids. No, seriously. They have guns now.
Practice safe lunch. Use a condiment.
Friends ask you why you’re crying. Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the jerk that made you cry.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
LOL! The perfect thing to type when there is nothing else to say.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
I come with my own background music.
Essay: To explain something that could have been said in two sentences.
It’s music, not noise.
Words are kind of not my thing.
I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome.
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, “Send me a brother.” Santa wrote back, “Send me your mother.”
Are you going to school tomorrow? No, I’m riding my unicorn to Alaska.
Artificial intelligence is no match for real stupidity.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are for.
Admitting you are wrong is to declare you are wiser now than before.
If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, EdwardAddict, Supergirrl, Elemental-ANimal, Mother Nature's Daughter, Cold_Ember, SMARTALIENQT, LilaCaffee, Kaen Okami
If you are crazy and proud of it: copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!
You know you live in 2011 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.
92 percent of the teenage population has switched to Rap. If you are in the 8 percent who still ROCKS, copy & paste this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this to your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" or "Your point being?" or "You just realized this now?" or "Wow, you're even more stupid than you look." or never mind, just copy this to your profile and add your name to this list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the C.O.C.A, Invader Miley Phantom, Phantom Figure, deadzonedragon, Dpbuckeye, 2wingo, HalfGhostPunk, Raven Wolfmoon, iheartmwpp, dracosnumber1girl, and SMARTALIENQT, LilaCaffee, Kaen Okami
Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. EMBRACE THE INNER NERD!
If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.
Book/Movie/YouTube/Fanfiction Etc. Quotes -
"Trust me. Killing things is easier than this. Although, for all I know, I am killing you."
"Can you speed it up a little?"
"No. Shut up and eat your pears."
- Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, The Hunger Games
"Er, Finnick? Maybe some pants?"
"Why? Do you find this" *whips off hospital gown and strikes pose* "distracting?"
-Katniss Everdeen and Finnick Odair, Mockingjay.
"This is what we like to call the heat transfer orb of science!"
"Or as we non-morons call it, a lightbulb."
"HEAT TRANSFER ORB OF SCIENCE!"
"Okay, okay, spaz..."
-Cactuar and Tonberry, and also me and my friend Nicole
"Who's this, your great-aunts?"
"Great-grandmothers, twice removed."
"Shoot, you're ninety-six if you're a day."
"I'm a night."
"Brother, you're a sharp one. Where'd you two ever get to be picked up by a couple of greasy hoods like Pony and Johnny?"
"We really picked them up. We're really Arabian slave traders and we're thinking about shanghaing them. They're worth ten camels apiece at least."
"Five. They don't talk Arabian, I don't think. Say something in Arabian, Johnnycake."
- Two-Bit Mathews, Cherry Valance, and Marcia, The Outsiders
"Here's another question I have. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens... See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people. You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No. You don't see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you?... When's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the sh*t out of his hen, huh? Doesn't happen... 'cause chickens are decent people."
"It's a great country, but it's a strange culture. ... This has got to be the only country in the world that could ever come up with a disease like bulimia; gotta be the only country in the world where some people have no food at all, and other people eat a nourishing meal and puke it up intentionally. This is a country where tobacco kills four hundred thousand people a year, so they ban artificial sweeteners! Because a rat died! You know what I mean? This is a place where gun store owners are given a list of stolen credit cards, but not a list of criminals and maniacs! And now, they're thinking about banning toy guns - and they're gonna keep the f*cking real ones!"
"I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me."
"I don't have pet peeves, I have major psychotic f*cking hatreds! And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out."
"Here's some bumper stickers I'd like to see:
We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.We have a daughter in public school who hasn't been knocked up yet.We have a son in public school who hasn't shot any of his classmates yet. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Plus he knocked up your daughter."
- George Carlin.
"BEHOLD THE ALMIGHTY RUBBER DUCKY!"
-Neo, in benignmilitancy's Pointless Agent Insanity
"Aw, wittle kitty go meow now?"
-Agent Brown, in Pointless Agent Insanity
"My name is John Constantine; IN THE NAME OF THE LORD, I EXCISE YOU FROM THIS BODY!"
-Neo and Agent Smith, in Pointless Agent Insanity
"It's the true question of all existence, my friends…is this really a gun, or do I just think it's a banana?"
-Morpheus, in Pointless Agent Insanity
"NO! NOT MY LAVENDER SMOOTH PRETTYS! COME BACK MY LOVES! PART US NOT, PART US NOT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
-Agent Brown, to his breast implants, in Pointless Agent Insanity
"Busy meaning he gets stoned and makes prank calls to Switzerland asking where the hell all of their cheese mines are."
-Mouse, on Morpheus' claim that he is a very busy man, in Pointless Agent Insanity
"I seriously have to stop the LSD...because Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is actually starting to make sense to me now."
-Agent Smith, Pointless Agent Insanity
"Go to Hellhopenfhagenfwar!"
-Agent Jones, Pointless Agent Insanity
"Rule Number One...I know that Pepsi and Mentos are an interesting combination, but do not blow anything up with them unless you are prepared to vacuum the inside of the car seats and get sucked into Narnia just like we did last time. Rule Number Two: Do not switch each other's bodies. God knows how that happened, but with you two, I suppose anything is possible...Rule Number Three: Do not kick, punch, scratch, tear, pierce, shred, detonate, decimate, annihilate, maul, eradicate, mar, ruin, spraypaint, defecate, or else defile or destroy anything within the planetary radius...Do you understand me so far?"
"Yes, ma'am–sir–Justin Timberlake."
"Good. Oh, I almost forgot the most important rule—Rule Number Four...This, my sirs, is called the ignition. You are to never, under ANY circumstances, touch it. It is the one thing you never touch. You can touch matches, toxins, forks in toasters, open electrical sockets, explosive substances, and nuclear waste, but the ignition is explicitly dangerous to your health. Think of the ignition as my sunglasses: you touch Smith's sunglasses without his written permission, you die a slow, horrible, painful, black roasting death by means of Smith cooking you for dinner...Yes, Jones?"
"Are we gonna be tasty? 'Cause Jones can get awfully bland without a pinch of oregano."
-Agent Smith, Agent Brown, and Agent Jones, Pointless Agent Insanity
"You bastard! You killed him! You killed my chocolate milkshake!...No, don't die, Marty! You're going to live! You're going to live, goddammit, and we're going to have it all! We'll take that vacation in Maui just like you wanted, and we'll get remarried on the beach, and we'll ride all the rides at Fantasy Island, and I promise you, this time I won't throw up from the top car on the Ferris Wheel just to see how high up we are!"
-Neo, Pointless Agent Insanity
"Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left…"
"What the hell is wrong with you? Can't you just stop to ask for directions?"
"I told you, I know where I'm going...you just sit tight."
"Going where?...I can see the Oracle's apartment right there! She's sticking out her tongue at us and giving cookies to an escaping pair of Exiles while tap-dancing on the windowsill with a banner that says 'I JACKED YOUR GPS, STUPID!'"
-A GPS, a passenger Smith clone, and a driving Smith clone, in benignmilitancy's Memoirs of Insanity
"No. Wrong. Cookies are an illusion between those with cake, and those without."
-The Merovingian, Memoirs of Insanity
"I can't cuddle with you when you turn into a baseball! Why are you such a cold-hearted baseball, Trin? WHY?"
-Neo, Memoirs of Insanity
"THE TACO MUST DIE! IT'S ZION OR THE TACO!"
"WHY MUST I CHOOSE?"
"THROW OUT THE DAMN TACO, MORPHEUS!"
"NEVER! My beany preciousssss..."
Trinity and Morpheus, Memoirs of Insanity
"It's easy to be cheery in the morning when you're pre-recorded."
"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"
-Molly Weasley, in Deathly Hallows. Best Mrs. Weasley line EVER, although -
- it should have been Neville who killed Bellatrix, to avenge his parents.
"General Lemarque is dead!"
"Yesss! Th assassination worked...I mean...NUUUUU!"
-Gavroche, Les Amis, and Enjolras in In The Loft's Les Miserable Spoof
"You know something? You're crazy."
"Yeah, because I practice."
-Mark and Damien Thorn, in Damien: Omen II
"What is the door?"
"The door is everything! All that once was and all that will be! The door controls time and space, love and death! The door can see into your mind! THE DOOR CAN SEE INTO YOUR SOUL!!!"
"Really, the door can do all that?"
-Charlie the Unicorn, and the Pink and Purple Unicorns, from Charlie the Unicorn 3
"What's the point of mermaids if you can't have sex with them?"
-Mario Bianchi, from Skippy Dies
"I'll take a potato chip...And eat it!"
-Light Yagami, from Death Note. I will never eat potato chips the same way ever again... =)
"Someone's gonna hang if I don't get my coffee!"
"I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!"
-Luigi Largo and a Gentern, from Repo! The Genetic Opera.
"There's always a chance, Doctor, as long as one can think."
-Basil of Baker Street, from The Great Mouse Detective.
"FOR LEN! AND THE WIZARD! AND TRANSLYVANIANS EVERYWHERE!"
-Me, MangaLuv, and Nicole.
"Me gusta pie!"
-MangaLuv, so many times it's not even funny.
"So you're going to act like me?"
"How do I act?"
"I don't know, pregnant?"
- Kenny and our then-pregnant English teacher, on Kenny sitting in her chair.
"Not all of us have the money to buy out NASA when we die, Potter!"
-Kenny, imitating Draco Malfoy from A Very Potter Musical.
"MEOW MIX, YOU USELESS BAG OF KITTY KIBBLE! I'M GOING TO FEED YOU TO MY HUSBAND!"
- Nicole, on a friend.
"When Sasuke's eyes bleed, it's not blood. It's emo tears."
- Me, on Uchiha Sasuke
"Can I be the teacher?"
*a little bit of time later*
"Okay, Kenny - "
"Erica, please have a seat."
"...Don't make me fight you."
- Kenny and our social studies teacher.
"Noooo! You broke up the Square of Life!"
"Now it's the right triangle of life..."
- Kenny and Shaun, when Kenny was asked to move his seat in class.
"We have a chicken named Frantonybert."
- Kyra, on...I don't really know...
"Romeo thinks with his second head."
- Gina, on Romeo Montague.
"Who names their kid Tybalt? It's just setting him up to be ridiculed all his life!"
- Kenny, on Tybalt Capulet.
"Shakespeare was a dirty old man."
- Substitute English teacher, on suggestive themes in Romeo and Juliet.
"Just please use language that is English in my class."
"Can we speak Parseltongue?"
- Gina and our science teacher.
"Go, Balthasar! Use Razor Leaf!"
- Me, during a discussion on how Balthasar sounds like the name of a Pokemon.
"I think Yoshi should be President."
- Me, after Kenny said it would be awesome if Wolverine were President.
"Look at the big gay dance!"
"I just bombed your big gay dance!"
"Did you say you just bombed your big gay dad?"
"No! Lucario set you on fire with his big blue ball!"
"Lucario's a big gay dance!"
"Your mom's a big gay dance!"
"Noooo! The Smash Ball is mine! It's mine! It's my child!"
"La la la, sing a happy song!"
"The big gay dance!"
"Your mom's a big gay dance!"
"I'm gonna tell her you said that."
"No! She'll ground me if you tell me!"
"Ryan, your mother said she's a big gay dance."
"Well, you said me."
"No, I didn't - "
"Ryan, your mother said her mother's a big gay dance."
"Gah! You blew me up!"
-My brother and I, playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl after watching Brawl Taunts. Yes, weird things happen when we play two-player video games under the influence of funny crap from YouTube...
"GOD! GOD BEATS ALL! GOD BEATS EVERYTHING!"
-A fellow junior counselor, Nick, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.
"I believe all religions should follow one simple rule - Believe what you want and shut the hell up."
-Me. I found the second part it online, and agreed wholeheartedly. Seriously, that would solve a lot of the world's problems, both in the present and in the past...
"...And crown thy good into temptation, and deliver us from the twilight, amen."
"Deliver us from the Twilight? How did he know?!"
-George Carlin in his Carlin on Campus special, and me reacting to one of the lines. It's amazing how most of the things Carlin talked about back in the 80's and 90's are still issues today. :)
"What's the weirdest pickup line you've ever heard?"
"I want my basilisk in your Chamber of Secrets."
-Lexie and Michael from writing camp, during a game of Truth or Dare.
"Why does this meatloaf have cheese on it?"
"Because God made it so!"
-My brother and I, on dinner.
"The power of Jeffy compels you!"
-Me and Natasha.
"I AM KITTY, HEAR ME ROAR! ...Meow."
"Fallen tree, I dub thee Chuck Norris!"
-Again, my brother.
"What if a possessed cow showed up at your door and a little girl murdered your bus driver?"
-Natasha, recounting a discussion with friends on possession-themed horror movies.
"No one occupies the bathroom like Gaston!"
-Me and Natasha, during a discussion on Beauty and the Beast parodies on YouTube.
"Blessed are those who giveth me cookies!"
- Nick R., as God. Explanation: It was Spirit Week at school, and for Decades Day, Nick decided to be God from Decade -20. He said a good bit of other funny stuff, too, but I can't remember most of them.
"That's a sin, Nick! Jesus didn't die for you to hate ponies!"
-Natasha, after Nick said he didn't like My Little Pony.
"Your heart is like a bowl of rice. EEEEEEEEEEVIL RICE!"
-Nick, to Natasha. God only knows what he has against the poor innocent rice...
"WILLY WONKA KILLED SEVERUS SNAPE!"
-Me. Watch the movie version of Sweeney Todd and you'll probably figure it out. ;)
"How are you doing with this?"
"Um, good, but I got a splinter."
"What does that mean?"
-A student teacher and Faith. ...The number of witty remarks I could make about this are just too numerous to choose from.
"BAWK BAWK CHICKIE CHICKIE BAWK BAWK CHICKIE CHICKIE!"
-MangaLuv's friend Anya. Don't ask.
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