In the beginning was the word ...
and the word was: 'OOPS!'
... followed closely by: 'BUGGER.'
... followed a short while later by the
term: 'OH, SOD IT.'

Welcome to my profile. If you would look to the left, you would notice the display of used pitchforks, anal probes (also used, though we like to call it "well-loved"), paperclips, and extremely naughty letters to your mother.

Take one. They're free.

Attention, Ducklings

11/7/09 - There was other news here, but it's gone now, yaaay.

After three long years, Avarice is finally finished - chapter-wise. The story itself has hardly begun, and it's only going to go downhill from here. Like I've said before - if you're reading it, anyway - if you want to laugh, have fun, make fun of Zim being retarded.. then you better start over from the beginning, because the rest of the trilogy isn't anything like that.

Yes, trilogy.

Hopefully it won't take me three years to write THEM.

(in other news, listening to both the Invader Zim Original Soundtrack and Zimphony is very inspirational for IZ stuff - why do you think a story that hardly updated got the two final chapters up within a day of each other?)

About Me

I am a seventy-five year old prickly octopus currently residing on planet Uranus.

I type all these wonderful stories for you with my face, and they are created using the creativeness probe my masters the Spanky Bottoms installed in my brain.

It hurts when I blink.

Surgeon General's Warning: Cyanide and Insomnia is not an actual octopus. She is a deranged eighteen-year-old human with the memory span of a goldfish, about as kind as a barbed anal probe, and has been obsessed with Invader Zim for three years and still going strong.

She only wishes she were cool enough to be an octopus.

Stories

Completed Shit Slash One-Shots:

Avarice - Avarice means greed. In this case, the greed of one who will stop at nothing to gain the power of the Irken Empire.. even if the rest of the known universe has to suffer for it. (Invader Zim)

Lovestruck - Just in time for Valentine's Day, Professor Membrane has created his own version of Cupid. When it escapes, it's up to GIR, Mimi, and Zim's computer to save the day. Dear Irk, they're doomed. (Invader Zim)

Do You Think I'm Sexy? - There are three types of questions: ones you can't answer, ones you shouldn't answer, and ones you need someone else to answer. (Invader Zim)

The Box - -gurgles- Really.. really.. old. One shot. Made love to the crack fairy. I swear it. (FF9.. I think)

Shit I'm Currently Working On (no matter how slowly)

Acrimony - Sequel to Avarice. They thought they'd had her, but she escaped. Now she's the one holding them captive, and she wants revenge. Blood will be shed. Lives will be lost. No one will escape with body or sanity intact, even if they hardly had any to lose. (Invader Zim)

Glitches - Dib has tried pretty much everything in the seemingly neverending quest to discover Zim's weaknesses. But the newest thing he tries.. might not be worth the trouble it causes for both of them. (Invader Zim)

Plinth - The Irken Empire has a problem. The Tallest are missing, presumed dead. And no one has stepped up to take their place, no one nearly tall enough to register as one. They've checked every Irken... except one. (Invader Zim)

Lycanthropy - Zim could care less about the occult, the weird, and the supernatural. However, it seems the occult, the weird, and the supernatural have quite the interest in Zim.. (Invader Zim)

Shit I Should Be Working On

.. pretty much anything in the "currently working on" list thar XD Procrastination sucks.

Shit I Would LIKE To Work On

Homicide - Due to a little.. "accident", Zim finds the best way to solve unimaginable rage and pain: homicide. (Invader Zim)

Too Sexy - Sort of a sequel to Do You Think I'm Sexy?, in which Purple's apparent sexiness goes to his head. Also a one-shot. I think. (Invader Zim)

Seven - The SIR unit belonging to an OID1 Invader brings his master's frozen-alive body to Zim in hopes he could "cure" him, being the only Irken in the area. Well, he does - but there's a problem: the Invader is actually competent. You know what that means. (Invader Zim)

We're Lost.. Again - What happens in the woods stays in the woods. (Invader Zim)

The Return of the Return of Keef - Basically, Keef's back. Again. A venture with head-explodey goo just won't do for this boy. To understand that, please read the script of the Return of Keef. You'll feel smart. (Invader Zim)

Sexual Re-Education - Zim sees things no Irken was meant to see.. and can't stop seeing them. (Invader Zim)

It's Gotta Be Five O'Clock Somewhere - Purple gets thoroughly fitsmaced. Bad stuff happens. (Invader Zim)

Nameless collection of Dib shorts, written from Dib's point of view. (Invader Zim)

Aaaand all the drabbles and ficlets that fly through my brain-meats. Mmyep.

Shit That Is Very, Very Dead (Macabre Trophies)

How Like a Fallen Angel - The only one that might be re-done in the distant future.

Super Kai! - ... No.

The Love of a Demon - This thing is an abomination compared to my stuff now. Just look at its update date. Ugh. The only reason it's still here is because Avarice hasn't bested it in words yet.

EDIT: Avarice finally beat TLoaD's ass in words. The only real reason I STILL have it is purely sentimental value, seeing as it is my first ever fanfiction to be posted. That will change shortly.

Quotes

"Cute girls should know how to cook? .. it's a good think I'm not cute, then." - Myself, reading it on a thread on Gaia.

"Everyone should wear a Snuggie. It's the best rapewear ever." - Paraphrased from my friend's babbling on MSN XD

"YES. IT HAD A SOUL. AND YOU DESTROYED IT. DD:

It's not destroyed. But it is hiding under the bed and whimpering a bit. o-o" - a conversation on Gaia, of course.

"Gaia isn't life, dear. You're comparing apples and pliers." - yet another person on Gaia

"Yea verily, though I charge through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am driving a house-sized mass of "fuck you."" - I.. have no idea XD

More to come as I think of/find them.

Other Shit

A FAQ!

.. oh, wait, no one looks at this anymore. Carry on.

That is all.