Recent Updates

: 11/17/09 - altered and updated profile
: 09/10/09 - uploaded Cat's Eye, a Sailor Moon one-shot.
: 07/17/09 - uploaded POKEMON: The Search for Truth, chapter one.
: 07/01/09 - uploaded The Search For Life and Death, chapter two.

ATTENTION ALL READERS

No, I am NOT dead. Just so you know.

I apologize for updating... almost nothing in forever. I loaded up my college schedule this semester more than I had realized when I scheduled. I have also been hired at another job, so now I am going to college, working two jobs, and am a moderator on a Pokemon RPG. On top of that, I just started NaNoWriMo. Needless to say, fanfiction has taken a step back in my life.

I apologize to everyone who wants to read/finish reading my fics. I promise, most of this will be finished... at some point. I wish I could give a more definite time than that, but considering the unpredictability of real life, I cannot.

I will say that, once I have time again to truly devote myself to fanfiction, one of my main exploits will be to finish Light Summons, probably followed by Love Will Find A Way. I'm fairly certain that The Search For Life and Death is going to take a few years to finish and, while that is the case, I DO love the story and will one day finish it.

Currently, however, I am working on my original novel on NaNoWriMo, and that comes first, because, my dear readers, I am a starving writer and need the money. Also, it would be lovely to be able to quit my job and escape the claws of my abusive boss.

If any of you are interested, the finished chapters of my novel being written for NaNoWriMo will be posted on my website, and you are welcome to come and read them, but asked to comment.

I apologize to anyone who was hoping for fanfiction this semester. I would if I could, but we all know that real life, though it sucks, takes precedence.

Feel free to PM me, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

~ Umbrae Calamitas

- ABOUT ME -

Name: Umbrae Calamitas
Age: 21
Birthday: April 29th
Gender: Female
Hair Color: Blonde
Eye Color: Blue
Occupation: Published author, clerk, secretary, pet-sitter, and full-time university student (English: Creative Writing)
Hobbies: Writing, drawing, reading, watching movies, playing video games, playing RPGs, listening to music, going for long walks, looking up new vocabulary, and trying new types of food.
Random Facts About Me:

- I'm a procrastinator. This is why I write so much during the school year - I procrastinate my homework by writing fanfiction. Productive, huh?
- I'm addicted to learning, but I hate homework and exams.
- If I could make a career out of going to school, I would be a student forever.
- I want to be a vampire.
- I drink way too much coffee.
- I have an obsession with looking up new vocab words and using them in conversation.
- I find a sort of sadistic amusement in people having to ask me what a word means when I'm speaking.
- I am an individualist. I despise conformity.
- I am a published author, as of 2002, and am working on my novel at the moment (hence my slow updates).
- I write slash and am bisexual. I therefore take offense when someone insults a pairing because it is boy/boy or girl/girl. If you don't like it, stop reading.
- I am a ranter. I know big words and I use them well. :D
- I have a sense of humor, but tend to ignore it in favor of sarcasm. Lots and lots of sarcasm.

- IN PROGRESS -

Danny Phantom

What the Eyes See
Summary: The eyes see many things: what is, what may be, and often only that which they wish. A collaboration of one-shots as/after people learn Danny's secret. WIP
- 1. Danny's Hands (Family/Hurt/Comfort - PG for some thoughts): When Danny was a little boy, his father always played a game with him. When he learns that Danny is the Ghost Boy, he has to remind Danny that the game doesn’t stop just because some things change.
- 2. Acceptance (Angst - T for character death): Maddie will love her son, no matter what.
- 3. Red Hands (Angst - T for violence and character death): Pending submission: She found out what he was; that he was the source of all of her pain. She ended him, and now her hands were red.
- 4. A Mother's Love (Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - T for violence): Pending submission: When Maddie discovers that Danny Fenton and Danny Phantom are one in the same, he thinks that she can never love him, so he runs away into the Ghost Zone. But a mother will do anything for her son - even follow him into the depths of Hell.
Genre: Various - depends on chapter.
Rating: PG-T (ratings and warnings listed on chapter summary and in Author's Notes.
Status: In progress.

Digimon

Love Will Find A Way
Summary: Gatomon would do anything to have Wizardmon back, but when her wishes land her in the arms of the enemy, can a newly-revived Wizardmon save Gatomon, save Kari, and defeat Myotismon again?
Rating: K+
Warning: Violence
Genre: Drama/Angst/Adventure/Romance
Ship(s): Gatomon/Wizardmon; Kari/TK
Status: In progress.

Harry Potter

The Search For Life and Death
Summary: When Harry is rescued from the Dursleys, deaf, mute, and barely alive, the others must help him cope with years of abuse and his new disabilities. As a strange bond awakens between he and his friends, they all come into powers that haven't been seen in millennia, while suffering from dreams about strange artifacts and a white phoenix named Life, who holds the secret to Voldemort's destruction, or his victory. (Fifth year, AU)
1. The Nightmare:
- 2. Convincing:
- 3. pending...
Rating: T
Warning: Features child abuse, graphic violence, gore, mild to moderate language, dark themes, and slash.
Genre: Action/Adventure/Drama/Angst
Ship(s): Remus/Sirius, Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Neville/Luna
Status: In progress!

Pokemon

POKEMON: The Search for Truth
Summary: Follow Tuesday Berdison as she begins her pokemon journey, seeking to find her missing father and discover her own identity. Stumbling into bad luck and big adventures, she makes great friends, and some even greater foes.
Rating: T
Warning: Violence, language, gore, and dark themes
Genre: Adventure/Drama/Action/Fantasy/Angst/Romance
Ship(s): OC/OC
Status: In progress!

Sailor Moon

Stumble
Summary: ((Sequel to one-shot, Cat's Eye)) The Sailor Senshi are unsure what to make of their new "friend," Hagasaki Koneko, so they have decided to watch her. However, some bad things are starting to happen around Tokyo, and Koneko is always there.
Rating: K+
Warning: Minor language, minor violence
Genre: Drama/Adventure
Ship(s): Usagi/Mamoru, Ami/OC (see Jai-Kun's stories), Artemis/Luna
Status: In progress.

Slayers

Purpose
Summary: Xellos' resolve has been shaken by a realization and the words of a little boy. By orders of Beastmaster, he travels with Lina and company to find the human incarnation of the Lord of Nightmares. When they do, however, what is it Xellos will ask?
Rating: T
Warning: Violence, language.
Genre: Drama/Adventure/Romance/Humor
Ship(s): Xellos/Filia, Zelgadis/Amelia, Lina/Gourry
Status: Undergoing rewrite.

YuGiOh!

Light Summons
Summary: ((Sequel to Dark Summons)) Joey has been turned into a dog by some unknown force, but he's not the only one. Soon, the others begin to follow, being trapped into random animal forms. Seto Kaiba, however, doesn't seem to be the cause of said phenomenon, as Mokuba has also been trapped in another form. An ancient promise of revenge whispers on the air, and all of the answers may lie in the new girl that has just come to Domino High, and seems to have taken a liking to Yami... or is it something else? Their pasts come back to haunt them, as three thousand year old lies are dispelled, and repressed memories are resurfaced.
Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance/Drama
Rating: T
Warning: Violence, gore, language, dark themes
Ship(s): Ryou/Bakura, Yugi/Yami, Joey/Seto, Serenity/Tristan, OC/OC
Status: In progress.
Fanart:
- Larien Sagira

- UPCOMING FICS -

Harry Potter

The Prank (title subject to change)
Summary: What if Sirius wasn't the one to tell Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack? What if he simply took the blame to save one of his friends from a more severe punishment? What if everyone, however, believed he was the one who did it, and he was cast out of the Marauders due to one boy's cowardice? Would Remus be able to realize the truth in time enough to save his innocent friend - his dearest friend who was only alive this long thanks to the hope brought on by friendship? What happens when that hope is lost and Sirius hasn't nothing left to look forward to than the abuse of his family and the hatred of the people he once called friend? Can the others save him, before it's too late?
Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance
Rating: T
Warning: Violence, child abuse, language, and dark themes
Pairing(s): Remus/Sirius, James/Lily
Status: In planning process.

YuGiOh!

Close Your Eyes to See
Summary: Ryou is in love with Bakura, but he's too afraid to say anything. Bakura is in love with Ryou, but admitting such a love is weakness. When he gets particularly stressed out, Bakura tells Ryou that he hates him, before storming off. Ryou, believing that no one could possibly ever love him if Bakura can't, tries to end his life. Yugi knows something, but will he tell Bakura this secret he promised to keep, and will that even be enough to save a dying Ryou?
Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst
Rating: T
Warning: Attempted suicide, language, slash/yaoi/shonen ai
Pairing(s): Ryou/Bakura, Yugi/Yami
Status: Chapter outline complete.

Flames of the Heart
Summary: Yugi is in love with Yami, but the spirit of the Puzzle could never love a pathetic weakling like him. Yami is worried about Yugi, but the small boy snaps at the spirit when he tries to confront him, and Yami retreats to the Puzzle to do as Yugi bid him, while Yugi retreats to his own Soul Room. Within the confines of his Soul Room, however, his self-loathing takes physical form to fulfill his tormented desire to rid Yami of his weakness. Can Yami overcome his own feelings in time enough to rescue his aibou? And how can you save someone from themselves?
Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst
Rating: T
Warning: Yaoi/Slash/Shonen ai
Pairing(s): Yami/Yugi
Status: Chapter outline complete.

Phenomenon
Summary: The town of Domino is home to a number of fascinating creatures; some of them are humans with extraordinary powers, and others are inhuman creatures born with powers that can be used for good or for evil. A facility has been erected on the outskirts of this town, where they study these humans in order to determine the causes of their powers, and their every weakness. But Domino has an even bigger secret: there is a darkness that has been present, dwelling within the shadows from the times of Ancient Egypt, and now it is rising again. The only hope that the world has to survive this deadly encounter is a young boy, his group of mismatched friends, and an ancient puzzle containing the spirit of a cursed pharaoh. AU (Based off of a novel that I am currently working on; I'm testing the waters with the idea. I reserve the right to hunt down and eat the spleen of anyone who dares to steal it. Ta!)
Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Supernatural/Romance
Rating: T
Warning: Language, violence, slash/yaoi
Pairing(s): Yami/Yugi, Bakura/Ryou, Seto/Joey
Status: In progress, unposted.

Zelda

Ocarina of Time, AU
Summary: When Link, a Hyrulian child born without a shadow, was on his way to give the Forest Emerald to Princess Zelda, he met a little peasant girl and a strange boy claiming to be her bodyguard. The three become fast friends and make a promise to remain so for life. After gathering the Sacred Stones with the help of a Wolfos bound to him by the dying words of the Great Deku Tree, Link is sealed within the Sacred Realm for seven years, trained to be a great fighter by a mysterious, nameless spirit. Seven years later, he awakens to a world ravaged by darkness, and takes up the Master Sword to claim his destiny. Aided by the Wolfos who remains loyally attached to his side, he is later joined by Sheik, a mysteriously skilled Sheikah boy, who buries his emotions, and keeps his past hidden even deeper. There is something about this boy, however, Link realizes, that reminds him of his past. Something about him that seems so very familiar, as they work together to return the temples to light, save Hyrule, and find the seven-year-lost Princess of Destiny, in hopes to finally defeat Ganon, and rid his evil from the world. AU (Sheik is his own person - yes, damnit!)
Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy/Romance
Rating: T
Warning: Violence, gore, language, slash/yaoi
Pairing(s): Sheik/Link
Status: Still being contemplated on whether or not it should be written.

- 10 FAVORITE AUTHORS -
(This list changes every so often, depending on my fanfiction mood. The authors aren't listed in any particular order.)

Bored Beyond Belief

AmberPalette

Enjie Yekcam

Jai-kun

Erika

Richefic

Nitte iz

save changes to normal

StandAlone

Cordria

- TOP WIP FICS THAT I WANT UPDATED -

Closed Break, by save changes to normal

Plunge, by Cordria

- TOP 5 -

CATS

:Favorite Fics:

- Good as Gold, by rainjewel
- Tug, My Heartstrings, by Cleo Leo
- Prestidigitation, by Calibama
- Tingles, by RosylaGypsy
- On Thin Ice, by StarWarsMuffin

:Favorite Characters:

- Mr. Mistoffolees
- Rum Tum Tugger
- Munkustrap
- Etcetera
- Bombulurina

:Favorite Pairings:

- Rum Tum Tugger/Mr. Mistoffolees
- Mr. Mistofollees/Munkustrap (converted by rainjewel's Right as Rain and sequel, Good as Gold)

Danny Phantom

:Favorite Fics:

- Masks, by Cordria
- Phantom's Sketchbook, by AkoyaMizuno
- Shenanigans, by Faith's Melody
- The Reality of Virtual Reality, by Artgirl4
- Complications, by HiddenAuthor

:Favorite Characters:

- Danny
- Sam
- Dani
- Clockwork
- Ember

:Favorite Pairings:

- Danny/Sam
- Jack/Maddie

:Completed Fics by Me:

- At the End
- The Open Door

Digimon

:Favorite Fics:

- Chi's Journey, by Gatomon2006
- The Vigil, by SilvorMoon
- Digimon Adventure: The Chris and Alissa Version, by Gatomon2006
- Sinful Virtues in the Digital World, by Living.Arrow87
- By My Life or Death, by Wingleader Sora Jade

:Favorite Characters:

- Wizardmon
- Gatomon
- Kari
- TK
- Ken

:Favorite Pairings:

- Wizardmon/Gatomon
- TK/Kari
- Davis/Ken
- Matt/Sora
- Davis/Kari

:Completed Fics by Me:

- You Are My Light
- In My Dreams

Dresden Files

:Favorite Fics:

- Famous Last Words, by IncandescentKitsune
- The Nut, by JTheGoblinKing
- Fever, by ShadoutCarver
- The New World, by Joon
- Trickster Makes the World, by Joon

:Favorite Characters:

- Bob (Hrothbert of Bainbridge)
- Harry Dresden
- Connie/Karrin Murphy
- Morgan
- Bianca

:Favorite Pairings:

- Harry/Bob
- Harry/Murphy

Harry Potter

:Favorite Fics:

- Never Alone, Never Again, by Bored Beyond Belief
- A Certain Kind of Madness, by xxanglophilexx
- Claustrophobia, by Celebony
- Killing Hope Saving Sanity, by Enjie Yekcam
- A Sleep Like Unto Death, by Kick Flaw

:Favorite Characters:

- Sirius
- Remus
- McGonagall
- Fred and George
- Peeves

:Favorite Pairings:

- Sirius/Remus
- Harry/Hermione
- Ron/Hermione
- James/Lily

:Completed Fics by Me:

Always, My Love

Betrayal's Redemption

Doubt

Firewhiskey

Forgotten

Hypothermia

Invisible

It Hurts to Know You Love Me

Maraudering Mayhem

The Stars Are Bright Tonight

The Wolf is Prowling

Inuyasha

:Favorite Fics:

- A Tail Over a Wound, by Kazima Kuwabara
- I Know Who You Are, by AmberPalette
- Broken Heart, Broken Mind, by Warrior of Forest
- Are You My Father, by filledelmer
- I've Missed You, by Kazima Kuwabara

:Favorite Characters:

- Souta
- Inuyasha
- Sesshoumaru
- Shippou
- Kagome

:Favorite Pairings:

- Inuyasha/Kagome
- Rin/Kohaku
- Miroku/Sango

Lord of the Rings

:Favorite Fics:

- While the Ring Went South, by Thundera Tiger
- Reflections in the Dark, by Thundera Tiger
- Musings by Torchlight, by Thundera Tiger
- What Becomes of Snow, by RadcliffePotter
- Hunting, by ThunderaTiger

:Favorite Characters:

- Legolas
- Aragorn
- Boromir
- Pippin
- Gandalf

:Favorite Pairings:

- Aragorn/Arwen
- Aragorn/Legolas
- Frodo/Sam
- Merry/Pippin
- Legolas/Gimli

National Treasure

:Favorite Fics:

- Closed Break, by save changes to normal
- Baby Genius, by Praetorian Guard

:Favorite Characters:

- Riley Poole
- Benjamin Gates
- Patrick Gates
- Abigail Chase

:Favorite Pairings:

- Ben/Riley
- Ben/Abigail
- Patrick/Emily

NCIS

:Favorite Fics:

:Favorite Characters:

- Abby
- Tony
- Gibbs
- McGee
- Ziva

:Favorite Pairings:

- Tony/Ziva
- Abby/McGee
- Gibbs/Tony - father/son
- Tony/Abby - brother/sister

Phineas and Ferb

:Favorite Fics:

:Favorite Characters:

- Ferb
- Phineas
- Perry
- Lawrence
- Major Monogram

:Favorite Pairings:

- Phineas/Isabella
- Linda/Lawrence
- Candace/Jeremy
- Stacy/Coltrane
- Ginger/Baljeet

Pokemon

:Favorite Fics:

- Fairy Tale, by Raichu
- Some Angels Fall, by Meredith T. Tasaki

:Favorite Characters:

- Professor Samuel Oak (Sammy)
- James
- Meowth
- Tracy
- Ash

:Favorite Pairings:

- Sammy/Ash
- Ash/Pikachu
- Ash/Misty

Sailor Moon

:Favorite Fics:

- Watching Over You, by Jai-kun
- Playing Matchmaker, by Lady Starra
- Study Break, by Jai-kun

:Favorite Characters:

- Luna
- Artemis
- Darien
- Shingo
- Lina

:Favorite Pairings:

- Serena/Darien
- Luna/Artemis

:Completed Fics by Me:

- Cat's Eye

Slayers

:Favorite Fics:

- Only Stone on the Outside, by Dreamsinger
- Night Light, by AmberPalette
- Light in Darkness, by Shiho Hahnenfuss
- Real Roses Have Thorns, by Kittel Kat
- Friend Type, by Earth Star

:Favorite Characters:

- Zelgadis
- Amelia
- Xellos
- Valteira
- Rodimus and Zolf

:Favorite Pairings:

- Zelgadis/Amelia
- Lina/Gourry
- Xellos/Filia

X-Men: Evolution

:Favorite Fics:

- Rips, by GoldFox
- Meow, by BlueRascal
- The Window, by MizzMarvel
- Blackout, by BlueRascal
- A Train Journey, by Alex E. Andras

:Favorite Characters:

- Kurt (Nightcrawler)
- Rogue
- Kitty (ShadowCat)
- Remy (Gambit)
- Professor Xavier

:Favorite Pairings:

- Lance/Kitty
- Kurt/Kitty
- Scott/Jean
- Logan/Rogue

YuGiOh!

:Favorite Fics:

- It's A Wonderful World, by fallen-angel-of-repression
- Greater Than A Pharaoh, Lesser Than A Slave, by Wolf Flash
- Bond of Flame, by StandAlone
- Bright Shadows, by animestargirl
- Do You Dream of Me, by laryna6

:Favorite Characters:

- Ryou
- Bakura
- Yami/Atemu
- Yugi
- Tristan

:Favorite Pairings:

- Ryou/Bakura
- Yami/Yugi
- Seto/Joey
- Tristan/Serenity
- Duke/Serenity

:Completed Fics by Me:

Blind

Dark Summons

Fading Souls
- Part One: Darkness' Claim
- Part Two: The Loss of Light
- Part Three: Purple Tears (Sequel to Darkness' Claim.)
- Part Four: My Love, My Light, My Soul (Sequel to The Loss of Light.)

Kiss Me, Kill Me

Starlit Lies

Zelda

:Favorite Fics:

- Confessions of a Teenage, Blonde Bombshell, by Aubuyn
- Red, the Color of, by Aubuyn
- Rest From the Rain, by zeffyface
- Soup and Solace, by Lady Kasai
- The Return of the Shadow, by BeyShadow

:Favorite Characters:

- Sheik (his own person, yes, damnit!)
- Link
- Saria
- Zelda
- Impa

:Favorite Pairings:

- Sheik/Link
- Saria/Mido

:Completed Fics by Me:

- A True Friend

- QUOTES-

"And I haven't quite mastered being in two places at the same time." -Mom

"Maybe they ate him." -me
"Mmm... cannibalism." -Dustin

:Talking about politics: "I don't need it crammed up my ass and jammed down my throat." -Mom
"Yes, because then it doesn't have anywhere else to go." -Me

"They say that great wealth is a curse. Well, may God strike me and may I never recover." -Patrick Juola

“Is it not possible, nay probable, that my life is the product of my or someone else’s imagination?” – Bender, Futurama

"We'll be sailing through material." -Psychology professor
"I'll bring my life jacket for when I fall off the boat." -Me

"I think it's interesting that when you play a lesbian, people ask you if you're a lesbian, but if you play a serial killer, nobody asks if you're a serial killer." -Nora Dunn, actress

"No go, and let the fic procreate!" -Me

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies." -Gene Hill

"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." -John Steinbeck

"People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." -Faith Resnick

"I used to look at my dog Smokey and think, 'If you were a little smarter you could tell me what you were thinking,' and he'd look at me like he was saying, 'If you were a little smarter, I wouldn't have to.'" -Fred Jungclaus

"May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts." -unknown

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner." -Lynda Montgomery

"I once complained to my father that I didn't seem to be able to do things the same way other people did. Dad's advice? 'Margo, don't be a sheep. People hate sheep. They eat sheep.'" -Margo Kaufman

"Remember: the early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten." -unknown

"If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on the cat." -unknown

"Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons." -Robertson Davies, (1913 - 1995) Canadian author

"My mind is a strange creature that breeds with weird thoughts and lays foul-smelling eggs in my imagination." - me

- FANFICTION QUOTES -

'Oh, I’m sorry Ganon! Was that Hydrobromic Acid I just poured in your eyes? Here, let me wipe it out with some sand paper.' -Confessions of a Teenage, Blonde Bombshell, by Aubuyn (LoZ)

'I escaped, heading in the direction of Victoria’s Secret, hoping to commit suicide by using some skimpy underwear as a noose.' -Confessions of a Teenage, Blonde Bombshell, by Aubuyn (LoZ)

'Or perhaps it was just pure stubbornness. Wow, hello, incarnation of Seto Kaiba.' -Dark Summons, chapter thirteen, by Umbrae Calamitas (YGO)

'James was rather an expert with denial, as he had demonstrated throughout the six years during which Lily had repeatedly told him that she wanted him to fall off a cliff and die, which, in James’s mind, had translated to, “I love you; marry me.”' -A Certain Kind of Madness, chapter three, by xxanglophilexx (HP)

'Bakura grinned (in such a manner that, miles away, Yami huggled Yugi closer, glancing suspiciously about in fear), kissing Ryou again, before tucking the chocolate-eyed youth into his embrace.' -Sick, by Ivydoll (YGO)

'"I am becoming," Yami announced cooly, "a 'hippie'."' -Yugi and Yami's Cosmic Journey, by Meredith T. Tasaki (YGO)

'"But... see! You're sadistic! You can't be a hippie! They believe in peace, and love, and mind-altering substances!" Yugi latched on to his new argument.
-- "I believe in that. And if only everyone else did, too, my life would be so much easier. Just think about it! Seto Kaiba, and Yami Bakura, and Yami Malik, and Shadi and Noah and Pegasus just imagine how much easier our lives would be if, instead of making silly, ill-thought-out plans to take over the world, they had just sat at home, loving their families, working for world peace, and altering their minds?"
-- Yugi was lost in the vision for a moment. "You have no idea what a mind-altering substance is, do you?"
-- "Their minds could use a little altering. Couldn't possibly do any harm."' -Yugi and Yami's Cosmic Journey, by Meredith T. Tasaki (YGO)

"Don't make me come in there, Yami, we've got better things to do."
-- "...I could take you." -Clutter, chapter two, by Meredith T. Tasaki (YGO)

'Off you hag! Off! Off! Off!' -Shakespeare is Evil, by Vamp468 (YGO)

'Problem being that I don’t have any other options. He was fairly certain that Phantom wouldn’t respond to a seance.' -Phantom's Sketchbook, chapter five, by AkoyaMizuno (DP)

“That's our Prongs,” Sirius said far too cheerfully, thumping James on his thankfully dry back, as the other Marauders finally made their presence known. “Able to lodge his foot two feet down his throat in 30 seconds flat.” -Hold Me While I'm Here, by Nitte iz.

'Now. Name two other ingredients which should not be combined, and explain why: Fred Weasley.'
'Porridge and owl droppings,' came the prompt answer, 'because if it happens again my mum'll kill me.'... — R.J. Anderson

“Moi? Blather? I should hope not. And no, nothing about the red-haired, green-eyed, most beautiful goddess of Gryffindor tower right now, Wormy. Rather, I’d like to discuss a certain canine, if you get my drift.”
“You mean Sirius?”
“Not quite.”
“McGonagall?”
“No—that would be feline.”
“Snivellus?”
“No—that would be asinine. I meant Remus! I would like to talk about Remus.”
“Well you could have just said so. What about Remus?” -SOB, by yourmomismyheart

“You do that, Prongsyboy.” I lean over and ruffle his hair for the hell of it. Experience says that he will now squawk like a bird, flap his arms at me, and run over to the mirror, in another hopeless attempt to fix that mop he calls his hair.
“Caw!” And there he goes. I manage to successfully avoid the flailing arms, allowing me to fully enjoy the spectacle that is putting Prongs in front of a mirror. I swear, he’s like a bleeding peacock. -Reason Why “Liking” Remus is wrong by Sirius Black, by RankEgg

“Tsk tsk, Remus, you’re letting the side down!” I joke. “Now that I’m off the dating radar, you should be filling the gap, sleeping with everything with a pulse, and the occasional thing without one.” -Reason Why “Liking” Remus is wrong by Sirius Black, by RankEgg

I can’t pull away from him. We’re like two giant magnets pulled together by nature. Two canines running in a forest. Two libertines doing drugs together in a toilet. Monroe and Kennedy. Lennon and McCartney. Nash and Jarman. Black and Lupin. -Reason Why “Liking” Remus is wrong by Sirius Black, by RankEgg

“I need you to set these two straight for me. You know, un-gay them with your bazookas.” -Reason Why “Liking” Remus is wrong by Sirius Black, by RankEgg

"Oh c'mon, with a teacher that looks like that, who wouldn't want to go?" he waggled his eyebrows.
"George!" Fred gasped mockingly, "How could you say that? Are you in love with another?"
Hermione face-palmed as Harry hid a smile behind his glass of juice. It was another morning with the twins.
Shooting his brother a comically wide-eyed look, George grabbed his twin's hand reverently. "Never! You know you're the only one for me!"
"Oh George!" Fred gushed, starry-eyed.
"Oh Fred!" George sighed.
"Hold me!"
The resident bookworm sighed exasperatedly as the twins glomped each other. "Honestly, where do they get it from?" Hermione said sideways to Ron. "Your parents are such nice, proper people." - History of Magic, by Lizeth

“‘Do not use albuterol inhaler near flame or source of heat. Inhaler may explode if exposed to high temperatures.’” I grinned. “Fire in the hole.” - Closed Break, by save changes to normal.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you, you crazy, crazy Spanish man!” - Closed Break, by save changes to normal

But no, he isn’t stalking her, and he isn’t spying on her, and he definitely isn’t collecting little tidbits she’d throw away and keeping them in some kind of misguided shrine to her. If he ever got that way, he’d hope someone would stop him. Violently if necessary. - Watching Over You, by Jai-kun

“Monty Python.” I confirmed.
“As your last words.” He sounded as though he was trying to wrap his mind around it.
“Well, I never got a chance to use that quote before now, and since I’m about to die, I figured what the hell.” - Famous Last Words, by IncandescentKitsune

Professor Snape’s lips twitched, and Harry looked at him intensely. Could it have been a smile? No wait, the world was still here. Hell still burned. - Dumbledore's Army, by Bobmin356

“Uncle Vernon. If you order me around in any way this summer. If you insult me, or my parents, or any of my friends even, I’ll take great pleasure in punishing you. I’ll transfigure you into a roll of TP just like this one here,” Harry pointed to the toilet tissue, “and I’ll spend the rest of the summer wiping my arse with you!” - Harry Potter and the Power of Time, by RossWrock.

As always...

Live long. Live well. Write. Read. Dream.