Greetings, my minions. Nice to see that you've taken the time to visit the profile of the semi-insane girl who PM you/reviewed your story. How do I know how you stumbled upon this wonderfully empty page? Simple, I know everything. And unless I accidentally posted a story, theres no other reason why you might have found this page...Unless your Russian...the Russians work in mysterious ways. Well, while I rant about random things, I would like to warn you that if you have any shred of sanity and/or innocence left, you should stop reading now.
Also, I'm not actually in/from the country listed(upper left) I just got bored and changed the settings.
A SMALL NOTE ABOUT MY PROFILE PICTURE:
That picture you can find to the north-west of these words strung together in a thing called a 'pair-o-graph', is a picture from the anime/manga called Tsubasa, and then some other words that specify the type of Tsubasa that it is.
In this picture you may see many strange things.
But its only strange if your sane, and I already told you people to stop reading
BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!!!!!
And if your interested in watching/reading Tsubasa, you should PM my friend EpicNinjaSushi to hear along and amusing rant about any of the following topics:
Gay (yes, just gay)
THINGS I FOUND ON THE INTERNET:
Everything I Learned In Life, I Learned From CLAMP
1. If you're not angsty, you should be.
2. There is no such thing as coincidence.
3. Evil takes the form of four Japanese mangaka.
4. Everything's better in alternate universes.
5. If you're precious to your brother, you're probably doomed.
6. Actually, if you're precious to anyone, you're doomed.
7. In fact, you're probably just doomed anyways.
8. Treasure your eyes. You never know when they'll be taken away.
9. Subtext really does equal buttsex.
10. Everything has a price.
11. The most powerful people are alcoholics.
12. Never trust the bunny/pork bun.
13. True love always prevails. Usually.
14. Love comes in all forms.
15. At least you’re not Subaru.
16. Nothing says love like agreeing to be somebody’s primary food source.
17. If someone comments on your eyes being pretty, you will probably lose them several chapters later.
18. Even if you and your beloved are a canon couple, by the end, you still won’t have kissed.
19. Even in other series, you still will not kiss.
20. If your grandparents are constantly on vacation, they most likely don’t exist.
21. Never carry your most treasured item around with you.
22. Everybody has an evil twin.
23. Tokyo Tower is, more than likely, the source of all evil.
24. If you’re good-looking, you’re doomed or angsty. Probably both.
25. Don’t expect to live a happy life. You’ll only be disappointed.
26. The more they smile, the harder they fall.
27. Your fan base is directly proportional to how angsty you are.
28. Everyone is pretty, even when bleeding or in agony.
29. Torture and mind games are just another way of showing you care.
30. Your boss is bad for you.
31. The world is split into three genders: male, female and androgynous.
32. Blood is aesthetic.
33. It’s not real magic unless you can conjure a two-meter-wide magic circle.
34. Flat strips of paper can reach the same speed as an F1 race car.
35. Fire doesn’t burn unless the plot requires it to.
36. No matter how ripped your shirt gets, it’s not coming off.
37. Men with black hair and glasses (including sunglasses) cannot be trusted.
38. Anyone who says having magic powers is cool could not have been more wrong.
39. It’s possible to store two swords and enough clothing for four people inside the mouth of a bunny/pork bun.
40. Who wears short shorts? Little boy detectives wear short shorts!
41. Four leaf clovers aren’t as lucky as they’re made out to be.
42. If you’re a character voiced by Megumi Ogata/cool/fan favourite/bishounen, you’re doomed.
43. Hell, you’re in a CLAMP anime. You’re doomed.
44. Remember your dreams- they’re the key to the plot.
45. If you can’t whistle, “hyuu” instead.
46. If you feel someone’s watching you, they probably are.
47. If he’s tall, dark and handsome, he’s taken- by the outrageously cute boy standing next to him.
48. Feathers have the ultimate power. Buy a chicken.
49. If your series is happy sugar-coated fairies and gay, you will most likely all die a horrible death at the hand of a psychotic clone.
50. Everything will be alright.
51. Just because you return from a journey, doesn’t mean you’ll return in one piece.
52. Everything happens in Tokyo.
53. Cute stuffed animals make the best magical servants.
54. Swords longer than your height are easy to manage.
55. Attack names/chants are more important than actual skill or experience.
56. Cherry blossoms are a sign of good luck.
57. Cherry blossoms are a sign of bad luck.
58. Cherry blossoms are- sod that, if you see cherry blossoms, run.
59. Even after your heart is pierced by someone's hand, you will still have plenty of time to divulge deep dark secrets/words of wisdom/angst/last words before you actually die.
60. Show your true love not by exchanging rings, but eyes.
61. No one is really happy. They’re just hiding some dark secret.
62. Dressing someone up in cute but outlandish outfits is a sign of great love and affection.
63. The easiest way to solve a love triangle is to kill somebody.
64. Inanimate objects have feelings.
65. Eyes, especially magic ones, are in high demand.
66. Cosplay is completely normal in Tokyo.
67. Love your parents while you can.
68. The general public is oblivious to strange/supernatural/inexplicable/mysterious events/people/objects.
69. Don’t give your name to strangers.
70. Wherever you are, there is a Miyuki somewhere in the background.
71. Apparently, magic allows you to eat other people’s eyes like candy.
72. Walking between a fence and a lamp-post will send you to another time/dimension.
73. Never trust shop owners.
Not in Harry Potter: DH
Quotes/ words that should be in Harry Potter but Aren’t:
- “Geez, Voldemort, stop acting so gay!”
- “Bellatrix, stop groping me. Just…just…go stand over there.”
- “Tell me Lucius, who’s the prettiest ballerina of them all?” Voldemort gave a cold smile at the clearly horrified man.
- “Sooo, what’s REALLY going on between his lordship and that snake, hmm?”
-“Wait a minute,” Harry said. “You want me to put this Snitch where now?”
- “What we need,” Voldemort mused, “is some sort of sign that people can rally around. To keep the masses happy and unrebellious.” Snape gasped. “You mean-” “Yes.” Voldemort allowed a vicious, cold smile to play upon his lips. “What the Death Eaters need, is a theme song.”
- “NO, DAMMIT! I DON’T CARE IF THE POTTER BOY’S BEEN FOUND! AMERICAN IDOL IS ON!”
- “One of you go see if the boy is alive. No, don’t poke him with that, Fenrir!”
-“Damn that Malfoy boy is sexy.” “GINNY!” “What, I was just saying-”
- “Harry Potter, you pathetic twit. Come here so I can smack you properly.”
- “GODDAMMIT, now is not the time for that! We are out here, risking our lives and fighting off Death Eaters, and they are making-out in a girls’ restroom?”
- “Sucks for you, Harry!”
- “Well, the mushrooms looked edible!”
- “Kreacher, how exactly do you snog a pair of trousers? Wait-Don’t answer tha-KREACHER, NOOO!”
-“My Lord, with all due respect, if you do not undo whatever you did to my hair in the next FIVE SECONDS, your eyes won’t be the only things that are slitted.”
-Voldemort rushed on through the night towards his last Horcrux, a crazed look in his eyes. Potter had gotten the ring, he had gotten the locket, but Voldemort would be damned if the blasted boy was going to lay one finger on his bunny slippers!
-“Perhaps Draco will baby-sit the cubs!” “Does Lucius Malfoy have to curse a bitch?”
- “Screw guarding Sirius Black’s old house; let’s go get drunk!”
- “What are you doing here?” Harry asked, bewildered. Draco spun around, did a double-take, then glared at Harry and made an obscene hand gesture.
- “HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIO-” Ron was cut off suddenly when Harry smacked him and yelled “For God’s sake, SHUT THE HELL UP!”
- “I’ll get you, Harry Potter, and your little owl, too!”
-“Snape has a female patronus? Alright, Severus, what aren’t you telling us?”
- Voldemort glared angrily at the house-elf carrying the offending meal. “The Dark Lord,” he explained slowly, “does NOT eat muffins!”
-“Why? Why isn’t it possible?” The Dark Lord raged at his cowering victim. “Tell me WHY!” He snarled as he paced furiously. “My lord, have you considered the possibility that you’re taking your loss to this muggle game a bit too seriously?” Lucius Malfoy offered meekly. “NO I’M NOT TAKING IT TOO SERIOUSLY!” Voldemort roared. “IF I AM TO HAVE A WEAKNESS, IT IS NOT GOING TO BE DDR!”
- “Kreacher angry! Kreacher SMASH!”
-Ron, Hermione, and Harry all stood around the body of their fallen foe. “So, whadda’ya reckon?” Ron asked, gazing at the lifeless form of Voldemort. “Boxers or briefs?”
- And thus, Harry never did get a high school education.
- Victor Krum was one sexually frustrated Quidditch Champion.
- The Boy Who Continued to Live nearly died with laughter when the Malfoys turned up to their disciplinary hearing. Lucius Malfoy was wearing a tux, complete with top hat and cane, while his wife wore a pale blue satin ball gown with elbow-length gloves. Draco was wearing blue jeans and a black tee-shirt that said “I was forced to try and kill Albus Dumbledore, I had to put up with Snape for seven years, the Ministry raided my house more times than I have fingers, I couldn’t get away from Delores Umbrage, Death Eaters moved into my house, Voldemort made fun of me and my family, I had to hurt people to stop my parents from being killed, I watched my Mom and Dad tortured, my wand was stolen, I still haven’t won a Quidditch game against Harry Potter, and all I got was this lousy tattoo, and even that went away after Voldemort’s downfall.” It was the start of a long and lasting friendship.
500 THINGS TO DO AT WAL*MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of tomato juice on the ground, leading to the girls restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible sex and candy"
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, I think we've got a Code 3 in House wares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
44. Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" with various funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying how could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying Good girl, good Bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
56. hide in clothing racks and when someone look in pop out and say do you mind
57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch" from the other aisles.
58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive."
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window the British are coming"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (don't try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
85. If people aren't looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smiley face!"
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbor's name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex)
96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recommended)
97. Grab stickers that say radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice
99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial
100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the middle of a clothes rack.
102. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.
103. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).
104. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customer's items. If the cashier protests, kill them.
106. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene.
107. Climb things.
108. walk around wearing the cloths from the store
109. Look at customers and look away when they look back (repeat)
110. Make Loud noises in the bathroom.
111. Pat guys on the back when using bathroom stall.
112. Play the stereos real loud and dance wildly.
113. Hog up the Xbox or PS2 demo games
114. Flip off the camera
115. get 220 items make the cashier ring them all up, then say you know what I will just take a pack of gum, say to return everything else
116. Put the items back in wrong spots
117. Walk past people and make bodily noises.
118. Format the hard drives on the computers
119. Stand in front of the Wal-Mart greeter and say "Welcome to Wal-Mart" before the greeter can.
120. Have a long conversation with the greeter so that he/she cannot greet customers entering the store or give them a shopping cart.
121. Go to the auto department and get a few jugs of antifreeze, put them in the freezers in the grocery department.
122. Roll a tire down the aisle and chase after it.
123. Go to the electronics department and put on a show for the video cameras.
124. Joust with the rascals (the little motorized wheelchairs at the entrance)
125. Act autistic by yelling "baseball" in a slightly retarded voice
126. Pillow fights with stuffed animals
127. Talk to the clerk in the electronics dept, and every 5 minutes or so yell "No! You are Wrong!"
128. Clip clothing to customers w/out their knowledge, clip-on ties work great
129. Clip a clip on tie to yourself on your back and walk in and out of the store a bunch of times and see if anyone notices
130. Men: Take women's clothing and go to the changing rooms
131. Take embarrassing items (massive amounts of duesche in men's carts works really well, or self enema kits, I do this at work all the time) and hide them in random people's carts
132. Get a blue or red vest from a friend who works at Wal-Mart and walk around helping customers and moving things and talking to other employees.
133. Put on a baseball helmet backwards, a hunting vest, a big stuffed bear under one arm and a pool cue. Tiptoe in and out of isles and yell "BANG" while pointing the pool cue at customers and employees, then jump into an isle where they can't see you.
134. Commando crawl through isles doing the same thing, but roll off into other isles and crawl away as fast as possible. This got me kicked out in under 10 minutes (my personal record). We got away with it that long because my friend explained to one employee that I was "slow" in the head and that I was simply expressing myself.
135. Play Hide and Go seek
136. While playing move stuff out of the shelves and get on the shelf, and put the merchandise in front of you and hide. ! also makes it interesting when people grab for a box and miss
137. Follow a random person around the store, buying the same things they buy
138. Go in without pants... ask an employee where they sell pants.
139. Do your shopping from other peoples carts
140. Go into fitting room and announce loudly "there's no toilet paper in here!"
141. Set up camp in sporting goods using their display items
142. Ask how much for the Big W out front.
143. Ask customer service where the nearest K-mart is
144. Ask if "hanging sex chair swings" are in furniture, sporting goods or toys
145. Remove all pricing stickers from all items before checking out
146. Grab the toys that make noise, turn them on, and hide them all around the store
147. Dress exactly like the manager and walk around the store abusing people.
148. Post 'Found Person' flyers in their 'Missing Persons' billboard.
149. Announce a Blue Light Special on the Wal-Mart P.A.
150. drop adult diapers into people's carts
151. Try to return things with another stores brand name to Wal-Mart
152. Padlock all the carts together
153. Go in wearing a towel and ask for soap
154. Ask to see a selection of their most popular walls.
155. Ask if they have co-ed changing rooms
156. Test out the Riding Mowers.
157. Test out a Ladder. Use it to change some light bulbs
158. hook up voice changer to intercom, and switch between little girl and demonic
159. Act like you've never seen automatic sliding doors.
160. Shake all the soda
161. Make a fort
162. have deep, lengthy conversations...with a mannequin
163. Place Milk back behind the bleach.
164. Dodge ball with the big bouncy balls
165. Drop panties and jars of Vaseline into men's shopping carts
166. Beat a little kid at Nintendo. Make him cry.
167. Buy a bikini for the cute girl at the register
168. Follow random people around and spray everything they touch with Lysol
169. Scream every time the checkout person scans an item
170. Ask if they have seen Mike Rotch. Have them ask over the PA.
171. *even better if your male* Make out with the big plastic Ronald McDonald
172. Play limbo with the brooms
173. put tampons in Elmo's hand
174. Ask the employees to recommend & describe personal lubricants
175. Say loudly "my mom will love this" whilst holding sexy lingerie
176. Ask if the condoms come in women's sizes
177. Go up to a cashier, and ask him/her to page a bogus person. Make up the name.
178. Ask The greeter if sex is allowed in the entertainment section
179. Take the extra buttons from the coats, name them, and talk to them
180. Ask if they have any lingerie with Tinky-Winky on it
181. Take photos of the store and the customers (don't be afraid to get in there face. Also post pics online)
182. Hold desk clerks hostage in the fish section, then threaten to drown em over PA
183. Dress up as Mario and advertise Super Mario Sunshine
184. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
185. u can also throw skittles at people and say taste the rainbow...or take a box
of lucky charms, shoot down the isle screaming "you'll never catch me lucky
186. Great pranks! However, you forgot to mention GRANNY PANTIES!!! They are great for every thing! Put them in peoples carts when they weren't looking, Drop them over fresh fruit and hang them from flowers. Stuff a few pairs in with toys
187. run around the store going 'WEEE-WOOOO, WEEEE-WOOOO, WEEEEEE-WOOOOO'
188. Also, just before the store closes, fall asleep on a couch, and when someone asks you to leave at closing time, tell them you live there.
189. when in the isle that is really full of people suddenly fall on the floor and yell out "IVE BEEN HIT BY FALLING PRICES"
190. Bring Popped popcorn into the store, grab some chairs from wherever, take them to the electronics section and put them in the way of people, sit in them and watch whatever movie they have playing.
191. Go up to couples and go up to the guy (or girl), slap him (or her) and yell," I THOUGHT UP LOVED ME!!ITS OVER!!!"then walk off in a huff
192. Go up to the busiest looking associate and rudely ask them where something is. Just make sure that the something you're looking for is right next to you
193. One thing to do if you really have an extra twenty or fifty dollar bill is to make it stick to the floor in one of the aisles and every time someone tries to pick it up dive straight for them and scream "It's a trap! It's gonna explode!"
194. Hold a box tightly. if people look at you, clutch the box to your chest and say, "Mine."
195. Go to the checkout line and page yourself. Slip away, then come back 5 minutes later, saying you were paged. Repeat until you're told to leave.
196. Stick price stickers to yourself and lay on the conveyer belt. When asked what you're doing, say, "I got hungry and ate all my food."
197. Move the displays into a maze, then stand at the end and congratulate anybody who makes it out.
198. Walk up to an employee, and say "Can I help you?"
199. Act like a manikin. Then when people walk by, scare them or follow them.
200. Talk with fake bad accents or in a language that you don't know.
201. Steal something from someone's cart and run off laughing. Be as conspicuous as possible. When they confront you, say "Blast! Foiled again!" and give the item back.
202. Roll around in the aisles
203. Create your own clothing in the Arts and Crafts section
204. Grab a 100 bucks worth of stuff, check out. When asked for money shrug.
205. Paint the store funny colors
206. Blindfolded. Grab as much clothing as possible in 30 seconds. Try on. YAAAAY!!!
207. Rope of an area walk on it and say and say it will collapse if anyone steps on
208. Walk around and worship random items around the store. Make it look convincing.
209. Announce: Wal-Mart clerks don't get paid enough to even shop at Wal-Mart!
210. Sneak up on old people and scream penis at the top of your lungs then run
211. Shave the Barbies
212. Go to the Pet Dept. and ask if the dead fish are half-price (true story)
213. Grab as many balls you can find and peg them at random kids around the store.
214. Play limbo with the brooms.
215. Hang comforters over a few aisles.
216. After the loudspeaker comes on, shout "Dad, was that you?"
217. Sell the store's stuff to people
218. Fly a kite attached to a bike
219. Give random people a piggyback ride or vice versa
220. Ask people if they believe in magic
221. Have a paper airplane distance contest
222. Have a picnic with some people
223. Make a house out of card board boxes
224. Have a yard sale
225. Attach a video camera to a remote control car. Spy around
226. Buy a Chia Pet and call it Chia Charlie
227. Get some water guns and ATTACK!!
228. Have a competition with someone to see who is less competitive
229. Start hitting yourself in the head and say, SHUT up all of you - SHUT UP especially you Lawrence
230. Stick blueberries up your nose and see how far you can shoot them
231. Strut like John Wayne
232. Take an invisible dog for a walk
233. Talk only in famous catchphrases from movies
234. Three-legged softball or soccer (players are paired off, then each player has one leg tied to their partner's)
235. Throw around an invisible ball and see if you can get people to join you in a game of catch
236. Try to hypnotize someone
237. Verbally Abuse your patio furniture
238. Voice your opinion where no one can hear you
239. Try to not think about penguins (This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.)
240. Pretend you're a robot
241. Pretend to be a car run people over
242. Make a Conga line see how many people will join
243. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other people, "This is MY personal space!"
244. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other people
245. Swat at flies that don't exist.
246. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
247. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
248. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
249. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
250. Greet everyone coming in the store with a warm handshake and ask them to call you
251. Spin until you're dizzy.
252. Put the movie playing on mute and make a dialogue
253. Walk around Wal-Mart every so often pretend to trip on an 'invisible' wire
254. Sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
255. Skip rather than walk.
256. When someone says, "Have a nice day," tell them you have other plans.
257. Walk up to an old lady and say, "You've just said the secret word! Please go to the management for your prize!"
258. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
259. Start a sing-along.
260. Blow spit bubbles.
261. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger. What do you think?"
262. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"
263. Make chalk drawings on the walls.
264. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.
265. When it's silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
266. Start screaming that you lost your pet rat/snake/spider
267. Sing the song that get on everybody's nerves as loud as you can
268. Fart. When the other person starts smelling it, say "It was you"
269. Pretend to be Johnny Depp
270. Chalk the shape of a person on the floor and spray a little ketchup around.
271. Shout, "Look, I'm naked!" just to see how many people actually turn to look.
272. Set up a lemonade stand in the restroom.
273. Yell: 'I Like Toast!!!' when it gets too quiet
274. Stick a price tag on yourself and sit on a shelf
275. Suck on ketchup packs and tell people it's astronaut food
276. Put twisted ketchup packets under the wheels of parked cars and wait
277. Sneak around like you did something wrong
278. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
279. Ask people how to get to Wal-Mart
280. Try to Use Lawn Gnomes as Currency
281. Get on a skateboard stomach first.
282. Go next to random people and shout NO MEANS NO!!!!!
283. Pull price tags off of all the clothes.
284. Stand outside a store and pretend to be a paid advertisement
285. Stand outside a store and pretend to be a paid advertisement for Kmart
286. Take off your shoes and slide on the tile.
288. Start a protest
289. .If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for a half-hour while rocking from side to side.
290. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture".
291. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
292. Ask which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz"
293. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell". Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
294. .Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof"
295. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."
296. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
297. Show people your driver's license or I.D. and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
298. Open up a loaf of bread and make yourself a sandwich. Take it to the checkout lane and see how much they charge you for it. Tell them you added extra mayo.
299. Try to purchase one grape. Repeat until the laughter subsides and they feel obligated to start charging you.
300. Fill a shopping cart with watermelons. Get more carts and fill them with other heavy products. See if you can barricade another customer inside one of the aisles. (Try to capture an old lady; they're slower than the rest of us.)
301. Open up some cheese and crackers and offer samples.
302. Conduct your own Pepsi Challenge.
303. Pay in pennies
304. Pay in postage stamps. (Explain that you accidentally grabbed them instead of your food stamps because you were in a hurry to get out of the house before your alcoholic husband got home.)
305. Put your own surprises in the cereal boxes
306. Post your own "Buy one, get one free!" signs.
307. Rub olive oil all over your stuff. As soon as the cashier expresses a look of disgust, start complaining about how filthy the store is.
308. Take photos of men putting feminine hygiene products into their carts. Tell them they'll be able to download their photos at .
309. Hide your arms under your coat and ask a manager if the store is "armless accessible"
310. One-legged activities
311. Hide a walkie-talkie behind packages of adult undergarments. From the other end of the aisle, see if this is a product that can sell itself.
312. Leave small, expensive, easy-to-scan products in other people's carts.
313. Empty a bottle of aspirin all over the floor and lie down next to it.
314. Tell the cashier that it's great the store is providing jobs to "you people"
315. Pretend you're blind, and enter the fitting room with a seeing-eye dog. Exit the room naked, with the dog wearing your clothes.
316. Knock on the fitting room next to you, and say, "Pa? Is that you?"
317. (Women only) ask the salesperson to bring you several bras much larger than you're capable of wearing. If she suggests you try on a smaller size, tell her that you plan on getting implants.
318. In a whisper, ask questions about where the gun is.
319. Pour water underneath the wall between you and the next fitting room.
320. Confess your sins to the customer in the next fitting room.
321. Pant in a dressing room
322. Groan in a dressing room
323. Giggle in a dressing room
324. Fill the pockets of unwanted clothing with sand.
325. Wait for people to step outside the fitting area to show family members the clothes they're trying on. Hide the clothes they were originally wearing.
326. Enter the fitting room with nothing to try on.
327. Enter the fitting room with only a pair of gloves.
328. Inside the fitting room, put on a pair of pants and a shirt you just purchased at another store, leaving the tags and labels on the clothing. Exit the fitting room running, and see how far you can get before being tackled and having to show your receipt.
329. Say "Yes, officer. He's/she's in there." Then knock aggressively on one of the fitting room doors.
330. See how many sweaters you can put on at one time.
331. Ask people if they want to accept Jesus into their lives.
332. Making as many trips to the fitting room as necessary, see what percentage of the store's total stock you can transport there. Each shelf cleared is worth 5 points. Entire circular racks are worth 25 points. A variation of the game may be played using multiple fitting rooms.
333. Put itching powder in unpurchased underwear.
334. Run around the store while pushing a shopping cart.
335. Go up to people and fall over randomly right in front of them
336. Go up to random shoppers and sneeze on them.
337. Sneeze on the cashiers.
338. "Accidentally" sneeze on every article of clothing you look at.
339. Sneeze on your hands. Then go up to shoppers and shake their hand.
340. Play with the bicycle horns
341. Grab a pair of jeans and put them on your head.
342. Run around the store with them on your head
343. Walk around like a zombie
344. Lay down in the middle of an aisle
345. Sing "I'm a little teacup" really loud in the middle of the store
346. Run around the store in a chicken outfit and "bwak" at them.
347. Sit down in the food court and randomly tell a story
348. Dress up as super man, walk around the store and at random times, and pretend to "save the day."
349. Walk around on your hands and feet
350. Go up and talk with people. During the conversation, randomly change your name.
351. Walk around with both your hands in a bucket
352. Make up a song about shopping carts and sing it really loud at random places
353. Have an argument with yourself in front of the cash register about how you are going to pay.
354. Walk back and forth in an aisle continuously
355. Walk into walls
356. When you take your bags full of items, pick them up slowly and make it look like their way too heavy. (Works best if you only have one small item.)
357. Tell the cashier a story
358. Put socks on your ears
359. Do a sock dance randomly around the store
360. Tap dance randomly
361. Ask an employee if they happen to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit
362. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.
363. Go up to the manager and tell him or her that you've lost your mommy
364. Every time you turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!"
366. Create a costume
367. Wear it around the store
368. Make prank phone calls to Wal-Mart
369. Play with matches
370. Build a pyramid of people
371. Ask why
372. Cheer up a potato
373. Bounce a potato
374. Stand on your head
375. Stand on someone else's head
376. Do aerobic exercises
377. Wear a lampshade on your head
378. Ask people if they want to apply for a unicorn hunting license
379. Award random people prizes
380. Play air guitar
381. Air drums
382. Air keyboard
383. Charge people to come to your air show
384. Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
385. Go to McDonald's and pretend you can't speak English
386. Free the oppressed toasters of America
387. Inflate a beach ball and throw it around the store
388. Chew on your arm until someone notices
389. Run across the room, tag someone and say "You're it."
390. Start a wave
391. Walk around the room begging for spare change
392. Play rock-paper-scissors with yourself. Accuse your left hand of cheating
393. Walk up the aisle yelling, "Popcorn! Hot popcorn here!"
394. Go up to random people, regardless of age, sex, or marital status, and ask them if they'll marry you. If they say yes, act all nervous, stutter something about not being ready for a commitment, and run.
395. Start laughing really hard and say, "Oh, now I get it."
396. Announce your candidacy for President
397. Put your face really close a person while they're facing a different direction, tap them on the shoulder, and watch them jump when they turn to face you
398. Walk into a store that has a sign that says, "Have a penny? Give a penny! Need a penny? Take a penny!" with a HUGE jar of pennies. Take a penny out of the cup, put it into your jar, and walk out.
399. While standing next to someone, unobtrusively reach your arm around their back, and tap them on the opposite shoulder.
400. Tell someone, "Okay, here's what you do: bite down on both your pinky nails really hard for about thirty seconds, and then when I tell you that time is up, link your pinkies and pull really hard." If they ask, "Why?" tell them that it feels really neat. If done correctly, this trick should cause excruciating pain.
401. Tell somebody that's wearing Velcro shoes or slip-ons that their shoelaces are untied.
402. Give somebody a Wet Willy.
403. Take a deck of cards, and say, "Okay, I'm gonna do a magic trick." Ask the person to pick any card, and put it anywhere in the deck. After they have shuffled the deck thoroughly, take the deck back. Ask, "What was your card?" When they tell you, say, "Not only has your card magically come to the top of the deck, but it has also magically turned into..." Pick up the top card, look at it, and name it
404. Exclaim in a crowded place, "No, I won't touch you there for a dollar! No, not two dollars, either!"
405. Approach somebody quietly from behind, grab them, and scream, "Booga booga!" or any other such exclamation loudly. This works extremely well on high strung people.
406. Tap the person on the shoulder continuously, and when you have their attention, just continue tapping them on the shoulder.
407. Another classic is to get about three other people in on a joke that has no meaning at all, and tell it with those three people and the victim in the room. All the people 'in' on the joke laugh, and the victim doesn't get it. When he asks, say, "Oh, never mind. If you don't get it, it's not worth explaining. My favorite is, "A hippo and a penguin are taking a bath together. The hippo says, 'Pass the soap,' and the penguin says, 'No soap. Radio!'"
408. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
409. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
410. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
411. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
412. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
413. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
414. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
415. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
416. Ask people what gender they are.
417. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
418. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
419. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
420. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
421. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
422. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
423. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
424. Cross the road in front of a car, change your mind 3/4 of the way over and turn back. (Particularly good if the driver has honked his horn or shown signs of impatience).
425. If you are in a shop and a child is being told he can't have any chocolate, secretly put a bar (or several) in the cart and wait for the argument at the checkout counter.
426. Recite crossword clues out (very) loud in public, complain if anyone offers advice on the answers.
427. Sing songs out of tune and with incorrect lyrics (preferably accompanying a loud ipod).
428. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before." While in the bathroom
429. Ask people to prove everything they say (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
430. Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."
431. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
432. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
433. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
434. Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
435. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
436. Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
437. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
438. Draw mustaches on posters.
439. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"
440. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
441. Explain "the little green men" in detail to someone, and when they don't believe you, accuse them of being one in disguise.
442. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.
443. Say, "Now how did that get there?" while in the bathroom
444. Go up to someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.
445. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
446. Make scary faces at babies.
447. Scare the dogs that are in cars
448. Poke anyone near you and say, "stop violating my personal space."
449. Look up see how many people you can get to look up
450. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
451. Slap people and tell them to stop grabbing your ass.
452. Smell smoke often and announce it.
453. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
454. Step on the heels of the person in front of you, and ask them to watch where they're going.
455. Take more than 10 items to the express checkout lane
456. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus.
457. Tell strangers that they're "putting on weight nicely."
458. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
459. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweatpants.
460. Tell people they have bad breath.
461. Tell teenagers how things were in your day
462. Walk up to random people and ask them, very seriously, "Do you know the muffin man?"
463. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
464. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
465. When in public, pretend you are selling something in an infomercial.
466. When walking push an invisible cart and make loud squeaky noises.
467. When you're in an argument, no matter what it's about, keep yelling "I don't see your name on it!"
468. Whenever anybody says anything to you. Respond by saying, "I know."
469. Whenever somebody says something, ask what the simplest word they said means. When they explain, ask what the simplest word in their explanation means. Repeat this for the entire conversation
470. Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
471. Constantly wink at a person you don't know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
472. Get a dish towel and bucket and sit on the floor singing "It's a hard knock life for us!"
473. Play blind chicken with 12 friends putting a blind fold on one and them having that person trying to find you.
474. Start Humming the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme song. Whenever someone looks at an item near you scream "TUTLE POWER" and run away as fast as you can.
475. Run up to a new employee in the pet aisle and point to an invisible cash register and say "Hey you! That cash register over there, well um, I think it's magic! It made my little sister (or brother if you have one) disappear!" Wait and see what they say and the expression on their face.
476. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus." When you're in the bathroom
477. Walk up to a person and say I'm the FBI and I heard that you have been shoplifting and we need to check you.
478. When a woman with children walks near you in the toy aisle, throw yourself on the floor, screaming "mommy, I want that toy"
479. Try to fly on a broom. If anyone asks what you are doing tell them in a very annoyed voice, "the brooms don't work!"
480. Walk about 10 centimeters in front of a moving shopping cart and yell "Its gonna get me!"
481. Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, "What aisle are they selling these on?"
482. Pour bubble bath into the fountains in the garden section.
483. run around the store yelling I'm a princess while holding a toy wand.
484. Asking a store clerk "how much?" 3 times after they give you the price.
485. After using the restroom and washing my hands, wet one of your hands then walk up to someone and grab their arm with your soaking wet hand and say, "Don't you just hate it when you pee all over yourself?"
486. when walking down an isle and some stranger is walking behind you bolt around suddenly and say, "Are you following me? Why are you following me?"
487. walk up to strangers that are eating something and ask if you can have a bite. I swear, 50% say no but the other 50% stick it in your face and say "sure!"
488. speak in monotone and laugh in monotone and in rhythm. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
489. Put an empty box on your head and yell, "I am BOXPERSON!" and run around making your own hero-music.
490. Write messages of doom on the sides of random soup cans.
491. Sit down in the cereal aisle and start opening and dumping out cereal. When someone asks what you're doing, say, "I'm looking for the prizes!".
492. Throw tomatoes at people and yell, "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!".
493. Bring items from other stores and put them on the shelves
494. Skip around merrily and hug people
495. Run full-tilt into the candy aisle, grab a 5-pack of Tic-Tacs, and wave them aloft as you proclaim, "At last! The final ingredient! Now I will rule the world!"
496. Walk up to someone, shaking uncontrollably, and stutter as you ask where to find the caffeine pills.
497. Snatch and open a box of pancake mix, scream, "LIES! THERE ARE NO PANCAKES HERE!" and throw handfuls of powder at people.
498. Put 'Caution: Wet floor' signs in very strange places, i.e. on top of shelves, in the parking lot, etc.
499. Put a box on your head and lie down in the middle of an aisle.
500. SHOP no jk the real thing is Stand outside the door with a sign that says "The devil is in our Wal-marts! Repent!"
1. Biting others is frowned upon.
2. Vocaloid is not suppose to be easy to under stand.
3. Same with anime.
4. Or just asian things in generally.
5. M rated fan fiction are not to be read.
6. If its cannon, the majority of the fandom hates it.
7. 6 does not always apply to gay pairings.
8. Cats are the sole reason the internet exists.
WORDS TO LIVE BY:
Whoever said nothing's impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
I'm not so good at advice; may I intrest you in a sarcastic reply?
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.
WARNING: Do not follow in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls and off cliffs..
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have.
What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
I'm not littering . . . just donating to the Earth.
It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you...you're just not laughing.
I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.
My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.
If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.
One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.
I hear your silence loud and clear.
According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
Tell the truth and run.
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the genera public
We are the people our parents warned us about.
Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
What do we want? PROCRASTINATION!
When do we want it? Madey next week……….
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are just missing.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
My mind works like lightning . . . . one brilliant flash and it's gone.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Don't underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.
Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing!
Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them more.
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional .
When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing.
If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me. I'm serious. Why are you not believing me?!
Don't pop my bubbles. I'll get depressed.
Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Duct tape is like the Force-it's got a dark side, a light side, and it keeps the world together.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
If your heart was really broken . . . you'd be dead so shut up.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.
Why be difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life?
Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.
When life gives you lemons . . .
make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Be insane- well behaved people never made history.
It's always in the last place you look . . . of course it is, why would I keep looking for it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
Happiness is just around the corner! . . . Too bad the world is round . . .
I'm not random . . .
I just have many thou- OH, A SQUIRREL!!
I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either
"Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!"
I met some crazy people! They made me their leader!
I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.
Boys are like Slinky's, useless, ut fun to watch them fall down the stairs.
I Called your boyfriend gay, then he hit me with his purse.
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware, the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid, for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
People used to call me names, but thats ok, they're dead now.
Once you go fangirl you can never go back.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles.
I've always wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my enemy to go swimming.
I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening IDIOCY.
I'm not lost, I'm exploring.
Hi, my job is to annoy you.
We must never, ever be mean to stupid people. If we are, they might go away. Then who would we laugh at?
I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . now where the heck am I?
I dream of a better tomorrow- where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned.
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatible, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
Make a man a fire and you can keep him warm for a day, but set a man on fire and you can keep him warm for life.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you.
There's no place like home . . . but Wal-mart's close.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, but socially dead.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friends's forehead.
"Cute as a button" Since when are buttons cute?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are, you're one of them.
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
What's this thing you call "Normal"?
You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their own way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
What girls don't seem to know: when a guy acts like he hates you, chances are, he likes you.
What guys don't seem to know: when a girl acts like she hates you, chances are, she hates you.
Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die.
Who is this "life" person and where does he get all these lemons?
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's actually a meteor hurtling toward Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
So many stupid people, so little duct tape.
"Let's eat Grandma!" or "Let's eat, Grandma!" Punctuation saves lives.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
"A positive attitude might not solve your problems, but it'll annoy people so much, it kinda makes it worth it. . ."-
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
Pluto 1930-2007 R.I.P. Revolve In Peace
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
People who say it can't be done should not interrupt those of us who are doing it.
Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense..
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will eventually kill me.
Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy ice-cream; which is kinda the same thing.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Why is it called 'after dark' when it's really 'after light?
Best friends are aware of how stupid you are, but still choose to be seen in public with you.
Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire to see if it's hot.
I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?
We're not retreating! We're advancing in another direction!
Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over.
STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
Speaking in front of a crowd is the number one fear for an average person. Number two is death. That means if you have to be at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Its always in the last place you look... Of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after you found it?
You never grow up... You just learn how to behave in public.
"Hello and welcome to Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, ask someone else to press two for you. If you have multiple personalities, press three, four, five, six, and seven. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want so please stay on the line and we will trace your call. If you are delusional press, eight and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully and the small voice will tell you what number to press. If you are dyslexic, please press six and nine. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter what button you press because no one will answer. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later. If you have low self esteem hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Thank you for calling
I'll add more too this latter...