(’•.* Rowan Rose *.•’)

I am not the dove that sits upon your windowsill,
Beckoning the dawn,
I am the Raven that cries out in the night,
Awakening the evils.
I am not the robin that nests among the branches,
Singing with the sunshine,
I am the Raven who spreads her cloak of mystery,
While she basks in the glow of the moon.
I am not the sparrow that soars up in the sky,
Reaching for the clouds,
I am the Raven, forever concealed in the darkness,
Broken only by the brightness of the stars.
I am not the bluejay, flying gracefully,
With the late afternoon breeze,
I am the Raven, lurking in the dark graveyard,
And haunting your nightmares.
I am not the gull, gliding upon the wind,
And spray of the sea,
I am the Raven, uttering a shriek that chills the bones,
In the early hours of morning.
Oh yes, I am the creature that you associate with all evils.
I am the Raven.
And I am the bringer of death.

From CrypticMoonFang's story Flowers will bloom

If you want to know absolutely useless things about me that can't be used against me read on!

My real name is..hmmm I dont know all of ya'll out there and you might be some creepy stalker so I ain't gonna tell you my name. You can Just call me RoRo.
I am nearly 16(Though people think I'm twelve)I have four brothers. Bo is 17, Herman (not his real name) is 14, Chris is 12, and Cody is 7.

I have moved nine times in my life, all before I turned 10, and after I finish college I plan on living in as many countries as I possibly can before I settle back in Arkansas(Where I currently live)

I am a Bible believing Christian. If you look at that earlier statement and think 'she probably hates everyone who isn't a Christian and thinks she is better than everyone else' you are sorely mistaken. Christians aren't supposed to judge. John 8:7- Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Yea that's right. Christians aren't perfect. We all sin. Yea, even you.

I am tough, I am mean, I am vertically challenged, I am a redneck, and I am proud!
IF YOU ARE TRYING TO STALK ME, BUZZ OFF OR I WILL SHOW YOU WHY A STERIOTYPICAL REDNECK IS SHOWN WITH A SHOTGUN!!!

Child abuse is very, very real. If you are 100 percent against child abuse and want to help stop it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the tiune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost then copy and paste this in your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you yell at fictional book characters for doing stupid things. Crazy is when you decide to hunt down fictional book characters and kill them for hurting other fictional book characters. Crazy is when you are planning your revenge on fictional characters. Crazy is when you just said something very serious then burst out laughing. Crazy is when you save up hundreds of dollars for college then blow it all at a candy store. Crazy is when you start laughing hysterically because of a sign on the computer that said DO NOT TURN OFF. Crazy is when you breake your leg while getting a glass of water. Crazy is when your trying to capitalize the c in crazy for 10 minutes when you realize the caps lock is still on and your holding the shift button. Crazy is when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Crazy is when you're walking by yourself, staring straight ahead and you run into a post. Crazy is when your walking home from school and all of a sudden you start an argument with your inner sarcasm. Crazy is comforting the potato while you peel and slice it to put in your soup. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something(s) crazy you've done to the list!

NAME TIME!!

1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Malizzle

2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and animal): Black Wolf

3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Eve Brindlewood

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Hammaden

5.YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fave color and fave drink): Purple Sweet Tea

6. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your friend's middle name): Amvirae

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Michelle

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Ladona

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fruit, and something that can go wrong) Clementine Walking

10. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (3rd fave color, pirate accessory) Orange Hook

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.
She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, she asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.
When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.
When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.
She asked if they would ask the man one question.
She was curious as to why he had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."
You're never alone...

93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it. Don't be one of those people.

Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you

1.You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station. What would you buy? Funyuns and gum!

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? A box jellyfish...invisible death

3. Whos your favorite redhead? WALLY WEST!

4. What do you order when you're at IHOP? pancakes; what else?

5. Last book you read? St. Augustine (School)

6. Describe your mood with one word. Relaxed

7. Describe the last time you were injured? A girl pinched me in football

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with? Noah!!(He has a Ukulele)

9. Rock concert or symphony? Rock...even thoough I'm singing with the symphony soon.

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone? my baby cousin asleep

11. Favorite Soda? Dr Pepper

12. What type of shirt are you wearing? P.E. T-Shirt

13. If you could only use one form of transportation: teleportation

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theatres? Spider Man

15. Name an actor/actress/singer/cartoon character you have or had the hots for: Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

16. Whats your favorite kind of cake? german chocolate with coconut pecan icing!!

17. What did you have for dinner last night? Frito Chili Pie

18. Look to your left, what do you see? a painting

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no in fact I don't

20. Favorite toy as a child? Hot wheeles

21. Do you buy your own groceries? Sometimes

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Not at my school. We're all like family.

23. When's the last time you had gummy worms? I don't know but did you know that when a gummie worm is in your bookcase for like two years it gets so stale that when you drop it it shatters!!

24. What's your favorite fruit? peach

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel? I can’t do a cartwheel...

26. Do you like running long distances? Hahahahahahahaha!! (That was my P.E. Teacher laughing)

27. Have you ever eaten snow? Yea but my brother ate the yellow snow :{D

28. What color are your bedsheets? Black

29. Whats your favorite flower? Cherry blossom

30. Do you do ballet? no but my ballerina friend said I'd be good at it

31. Do you listen to classical music? sometimes

32. What is the 1st TV Theme song that pops in your head? Kim Possible

33. Do you watch SpongeBob? Not anymore

34. What temperature is it outside right now? 84 degrees farenheight...yea its November.

35. Do people consider you smart? In public school I had a 4.0 in my school I make straight B's

36. How many piercings do you have? 1 in each ear

37. Are you signed on AIM? IDK

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together? yes...hehe

39. How do you feel about your family? Its family

40. Do you have an iPod? Yes I do

41. What time do you go to bed? During summer? around 11 during school umm summer is around 4 or 5...A.M.

42. What CD is currently in your CD player? Chronicles of Narnia on CD

43. What movie do you know every line to? TANGLED!! (seen it 32 times)

44. What is your favorite salad dressing? RANCH (dont judge me)

45. What do you want for Christmas this year? A dead hobo (inside joke!)

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you? i don't know...my cousin?

47. Do you like hugs? no! It messes with my indifference complex

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach: never I dont get nervous!!!

49. Whats the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? They mispronounce my name with shorty. I don't know why. My name sounds nothing like shorty

50. Do you watch college football?i prefer to play football

Daddy's Poem:

Her hair was up in a ponytail, her favorite dress tied with a bow,

Today was Daddy's Day at school and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home,

Why the kids not might understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid, she knew just what to say,

What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone,

And that was why, once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all,

About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.

There were daddy's along the wall in back for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called, a student from the class,

To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare,

Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't their.

"Where's her daddy at?"

She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one." another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,

"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mom,

And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back, she slowly began to speak,

And out of the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"My daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away,

But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know,

All about my daddy, and how he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike,

He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone,

And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart,

I know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart."with that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest,

Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears,

Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life,

Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd,

She finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star,

And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Marine, and died just this past year,

When a roadside bomb hit his convoy, and taught Canadians to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away,"

And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise,

A room full of daddy's and children, all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside,

Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him by her side.

"I know your with my daddy,"to the silence she called out,

And what happened next, made believers out of those once filled with doubt.

Not one of them could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed,

But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant, long-stemmed, pink rose.

And a child was blessed for only a moment, by the love of her shining star,

And given the gift of believing that heaven is never to far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them, but then an entire lifetime to forget them

YOUR GUY SIDE:

You love hoodies. (World's greatest invention!)

You love jeans.

Dogs are better than cats.

It's hilarious when people get hurt. (I even laugh when I get hurt)

You've played with/against boys on a team. (And beat every single one of them!!)

Shopping is torture.

Sad movies suck.

You own/ed an X-Box.

Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. (I owned like a million)

At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.

You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.

You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. (Woke up every single morning and watched it, I even had a power rengers sleeping bag!)

You watch sports on TV. (Nah I prefer to play sports to watching them)

You love video games. (WHOOHOO!!)

Guitar Hero/Rock Band rule! (YES!!!)

Gory movies are cool. (They always makes me laugh my butt off!!)

You go to your dad for advice.(I dont go to anyone for advise. I like to figure things out on my own)

You own like a trillion baseball caps.

You like going to high school football games.

You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.(does it count if I never bought any, just stole my brother's?)

Baggy pants are cool to wear. (Haha, only when I'm in the mood)

It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.

Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. (BLACK!)

You love to go crazy and not care what people think. (HELL YEA!!)

Sports are fun. (FOOTBALL!!!)

Talk with food inyour mouth (It irritates most everyone!)

Sleep with your socks on at night.

Total: 23/27

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

You wear lip gloss/stick.

You love to shop.

You wear eyeliner

You wear the color pink. (GROSS!! NEVER!!)

Go to your mom for advice

You consider cheerleading a sport

You hate wearing the color black.

Video games are boring. (I dare you to say that to my face)

Rock Band/Guitar Hero are a waste of time.

You like hanging out at the mall.

You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. (pedicures feel good)

You like wearing jewelry.

Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.

Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.

You don't like the movie Star Wars. (Tell me that to my face and you'll end up in a coma..)

You were in gymnastics/dance.

It takes you around/more than one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.(15 Minutes at most that counts taking a shower!)

You smile a lot more than you should.

You care about what you look like.

You like wearing dresses when you can.

You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne. (messes with my allergies...I'm kidding I dont have allergies, I just dont like it!)

You love the movies. (Where else can you run around and get all the candy you want without your parents knowing?)

Used to play with dolls as little kid.

Like putting make-up on someone else for the heck of it.

Like being the star of every thing. (I usually am what with my unique sense of humor, smarts,and not ugliness)

Total: 5/25(I love the fact that my boy side has more!)

Anti-Racism:
A black man sat down in a restaraunt. A white man walked up to him.
White man: Colored people are not allowed here.
Black man: I was black when I was born.
I am black right now.
I am black when I'm cold.
I am black when I am in the sun.
I am black when I'm sick.
And I will be black when I am dead.
But you sir,
You were pink when you were born.
You are white right now.
You are blue when you are cold.
You are red when you are in the sun.
You are green when you are sick.
And You will be purple when you are dead.
So dont you dare call me colored!

Post this on yer profile to enforce anti-racism!

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Girl: Slow down. I'm scared

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please it's too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

Girl hugs him

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It's bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. 2 people were on it but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? (Easy, the people who walk behind you and notice the 'I am 30 and OLD' sign I taped to your back XD)

If Fanfiction is to you what Facebook is to other people, copy and paste this in to your profile

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried at all.

Sometimes a road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Forgive your enemies, it messes with their head

Fun flies when you’re doing time.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy ever minute of it.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

My guitar has a country accent.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.

Your shin: a device used to find furniture in the dark

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the cops.

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Normal people scare me

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me and my friends luck for we may not return alive.

My name is Cole.
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,

I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong
I can't speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.

When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home
When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,
So maybe i'll just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car

My daddy is back
From Charlie's bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called

I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,

I finally get free
And run to the door
He's already locked it
And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late

His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again

O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor

My name is Cole
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

Why America has some issues.

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Teachers are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

It's all fun and games until the other person loses their sanity.

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese; there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mom or dad, or my older brother Collin, or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu, but I think it's Colin.

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

"Happiness is your dentist telling you “it won't hurt a bit,” and then he catches his hand in the drill."

Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

If you have 5 fish and 3 of them drown, how many are left?

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I tend to walk into walls.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?

Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

"The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."

"Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that."

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

I'm the person your mother warned you about.

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with batterey.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

I admit I'm insane, but at least I'm at a normal level.

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

I'm not as dumb as you look

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines.

I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.

It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.

No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.

I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.

Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.

Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.

When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.

When all else fails, use duct tape.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon."

"What's behind this door? -opens it- ...another door. Hilarious."

"There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt." "So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?"

They locked you in?" "No, I locked THEM out! Why must you always see these things backwards?"

I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter.

I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?

Earth is full. Go home.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

It's true, blonds do have more fun. But brunets remember it in the morning.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"Never memorize something that you can look up." — Albert Einstein

"Evil beware, we have waffles." Raven, Teen Titans

"The saviors are always hit the hardest." Moi

"Well that's a whole lot of useless." Devin Levin

Kid Flash: "You here to help us or fry us?" Superboy: "Huh. I don't seem to have heat vision, so I guess helping is my only option."

Kevin: "I think we should get back in the car." Ben: "And run away?" Kevin: "And run it over."

"...Religion is a mere castle in the air." d'Holbach

"...creepy is the new chivalry..." Dana Sokolowski

"If like is the opposite of dislike, is aster the opposite of disaster?" Robin

"Lasers! He has lasers!" Nightwing

"Um, who's the pixie?" Batgirl

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents, if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts after using this product.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

I am the kid that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am thekid that people look through when I say something. I am the kid that spends most of there free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the kid that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the kid that doesn't spend all there time on MySpace, or talking to a friend nonstop on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the kid that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the kid that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the kid who knows and is proud to be who they are, doesn’t care if people call me weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with alot of things, who can express themself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a bf/gf to complete him/her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the kids who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone- Bearhug946, EdwardCullenEqualsLife, Stephanie Deux,Randomenated-Cullen!, MiniBellaSwan, Jayleen-Cullen-Whitlock-Hale, Emmett or Edward, Volleyballgurl09, Radr180, Linzerj, Butchee, xFireChickx, rachpop15, KNDnumbuh007, yougotburned,kikipalmer21,numbuh13m,Rowan Rose

Stereotypes

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I GOT SICK so I MUST be bulimic.

I WEAR GLASSES so I MUST be a nerd.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I'm NOT POPULAR so I MUST have no life.

I'm POPULAR so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm FRIENDLY so I MUST be fake.

I DO SCHOOL CLUBS so I MUST be a suck up.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST steal everything I don't have.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I ACT DIFFERENT so I MUST be a show-off.

I DON'T DO FASHION so I MUST be poor.

I HAVE NO FACEBOOK so I MUST have no friends.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm TALENTED so I MUST be a conceited show-off.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I WEAR MAKEUP so I MUST be a slut.

I DON'T WEAR MAKEUP so I MUST "think I'm all that".

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm an HONEST PERSON, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm an ACTRESS so I MUST be a liar.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm A WRITER so I MUST be crazy.

I LIKE SCHOOL so I MUST be a loser.

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I TALK TO BOYS so I MUST be a slut.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I WRITE SAD POETRY so I MUST be emo.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I LIKE TO READ so I MUST have no life.

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be doing them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm CATHOLIC so I MUST be a SLUT.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I LIKE TO LOOK GOOD so I MUST be insecure.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I LIKE TO SING so I MUST be some "pop star".

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I WEAR DARK CLOTHING so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future

I TRY so I MUST be an over-achiever.

I'm not a SOUPCAN, so YOU CAN'T LABEL ME!

IF YOUR TIRED OF BEING LABLED PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE (BOLD ALL THAT APLY)

I'm Sorry: (Girls Don't Realize These Things)

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

What my mother taught me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS: Already has the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his butt

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BEST FRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you in the process

FRIENDS: Will be embarassed when all goes silent and you start to sing the song that has been stuck in your head for days

BEST FRIENDS: Will be singing along with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping with you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your butt and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: Are there when you're sitting in a bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say nice to meet you

BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the Hell out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you

FRIENDS: Will tell you they know how you feel

BEST FRIENDS: Will sit down and cry with you

FRIENDS: Wait to call you at a reasonable hour

BEST FRIENDS: Will call you at two in the freaking morning

FRIENDS: Won't let you do stupid things

BEST FRIENDS: won't let you do stupid things 'alone'.

FRIENDS: Will take you to buy a pregnancy test

BEST FRIENDS: Will stand outside the bathroom screaming "NAME IT AFTER ME!"