hellooooooooo people. my name is Ellie and i live in AUSTRALIA(or kangaroo land as my cousin likes to put it >w

JINGLE BELLS, TWILIGHT SMELLS, EDWARD RAN AWAY! BELLA DIED, JACOB CRIED, POTTER ALL THE WAY!

FAVOURITE BOOKS: the chronicles of vladimir tod, vampire academy, the hunger games,the power of five series,the Harry Potter series and yeaa...

FAVOURITE MOVIES: aladdin, the loin king

FAVOURITE ANIME: AO NO EXCORCIST!!, beelzebub, onepiece

Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground. The worst thing you could get from the opposite sex was cooties. Mom and dad were your heroes. Five dollars seemed like a million. Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over". Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were who ran the fastest. War was a card game. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly. The only drug you knew of was cough medicine and wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut. Kool-Aid was the drink of choice and the only thing you smoked were the tires of your bike. The only thing that hurt was skinned knees and the only things that could get broken were your toys. Life was simple and carefree, but what I remember the most was wanting to grow up.

What I Think Next Gen Kids Look Like From Harry Potter. And for those that are empty, I haven't found anyone for them yet.

Nymphadora and Remus J. Lupin

Teddy R. Lupin:

Astoria and Draco L. Malfoy

Scorpius H. Malfoy:http://www.listal.com/viewimage/441050

Luna and Rolf Scamander

Lorcan and Lysander Scamander:

Fleur and Bill Weasley

Victorie Weasley:http://www.all2need.com/blake-lively-biography-and-pictures/blake-lively-blake-lively/

Dominique Weasley:http://www.fanpop.com/spots/saoirse-ronan/images/11240299/title/saoirse-photo

Louis Weasley:

Audrey and Percy Weasley

Molly Weasley II:http://beautyeditor.ca/2011/03/23/this-is-why-your-highlights-dont-look-like-leighton-meesters-plus-my-favourite-celebrity-hairstylist-on-how-to-pick-the-right-hair-colour/

Lucy Weasley:

Angelina and George F. Weasley

Roxanne Weasley:http://www.google.com.au/imgres?hl=en&gbv=2&biw=800&bih=511&tbm=isch&tbnid=Edm2dpKDsvmG1M:&imgrefurl=http://crackinthecloset.blogspot.com/2011/12/rockin-style-kaya-scodelario.html&docid=t3nxYAj1XZkSdM&imgurl=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3_cPDSyr6OY/Tuejm64jYqI/AAAAAAAADg4/eHYDQxRdx6A/s640/Kaya%252Btwin%252Bmagazine.jpg&w=318&h=470&ei=_CidT8HWCPCSiAeZs4TXDg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=90&vpy=4&dur=515&hovh=273&hovw=185&tx=108&ty=63&sig=109643116720040456912&page=2&tbnh=138&tbnw=84&start=12&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:12,i:173

Fred Weasley II:

Hermione J. and Ron B. Weasley

Rose Weasley:

Hugo Weasley:

Ginny and Harry J. Potter

James Sirius Potter:http://www.google.com.au/imgres?hl=en&gbv=2&biw=1024&bih=509&tbm=isch&tbnid=AnjTi-jSVzdvFM:&imgrefurl=http://neptunes.tumblr.com/&docid=-fFvqFdITJeMhM&imgurl=http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqpptjHE801qzsru7o1_400.jpg&w=375&h=482&ei=L4G7T6-YOu2ciAeZ46mOCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=707&vpy=132&dur=8546&hovh=255&hovw=198&tx=120&ty=148&sig=109643116720040456912&page=3&tbnh=152&tbnw=118&start=30&ndsp=17&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:30,i:223

Albus Severus Potter: http://ladeavesia.multiply.com/journal/item/13/Logan_Lerman (youll have to scrol down)

Lily Luna Potter: http://nowheregirl25.tumblr.com/post/3069117320/fuckyeahhotactr(ess-dakota-blue-richards (scrol down)

If you want to see a Quidditch match copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as Remus (if not more), copy this to your profile.

If you cried during/after reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, copy this to your profile

If you loved DH, HBP, OotP, GoF, PoA, CoS, and SS/PS, and know what all those initials stand for, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you cried when Fred Weasley died (in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile.

If you cried when Dobby died (in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), copy and paste this into your profile

If you love Harry Potter, copy this into your profile.

If you always mentally make the Sirius "serious" pun whenever somebody says, "I'm serious!" copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read Deathly Hallows in under a week, copy and paste this (Try 10 hours!)

If you think Remus Lupin deserves more cuddles than Jacob Black, copy this to your profile.

If you wanted to punch Remus Lupin in the gut for thinking that he was "too old" for Tonks, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you agree that Tonks is a way better nickname than Dora (as in Nymphadora), copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you agree Pansy Parkinson should be sent to a Dog Kennel, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you're one of the few people who actually reads profiles, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you liked Snape after Deathly Hallows copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with FanFiction copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous FanFictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever snuck on FanFiction when you were supposed to be doing something else, say, your homework, copy and paste into your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read page 99 of deathly hallows and 499 of half blood prince a million times and more because you love harry/ginny and all the canon couples, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, put this on your profile.

1. Hold your breath 2. Go to your profile and add this 3. Still holding your breath 4. If you made it, you're a good kisser

THE FIGHT AGAINST RACISM:

The white man said, "colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen Sir... when i was born i was black, when i grew up i was black, when i'm sick i'm black, when i go out in the sun i'm black, when i'm cold i'll be black,and when i die i'll be black. But you sir, when you where born you where pink, when you grew up you where white, when you're sick you'regreen, when you go out in the sun you turn red, when you're cold you turn blue, and when you die you'll turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man sat back down and the white one walked away. If you hate racism post this on your profile.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on Facebook, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with THG, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, secilmis yazar, Holly Marie Fowl, ReadrOfBooks, Suki-Alanna, Go TeAm BeLiKoV,

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull, or vise versa put this on your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing for absolutely no reason at all, put this on your profile.

If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, paste this on your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you ever walked into the wrong classroom, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile .

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this into your profile.

BEST FRIENDS N FRIENDS

FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink

BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FRIENDS : Call your parents Mr. Mrs. and grandma and grandpa

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents MOM and DAD or GRAMS AND GRANDPA

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying DAMN we screwed up

FRIENDS: Will pick out a cute chick-flick to watch with you on movie night

BESTFRIENDS: Will pick out "The Ring" for movie night then scare you and himself/herself in the process

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when your not down anymore

FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and say nice to meet you

BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boy/girl friend and scare the BLEEP out of him/her by threatening to break every bone in him/her's body if he/she hurts your bestfriend

FRIENDS: Will say you can do better

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him and say"you have seven days to live"

FRIENDS: Ask why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS:Already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will help you move

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move a dead body

FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall

BEST FRIENDS: continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

FRIENDS: gives you their umbrella in the rain

BEST FRIENDS: takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

FRIENDS: wipes your tears when your rejected

BEST FRIENDS: goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?"

FRIENDS: will bail you out of jail

BEST FRIENDS: would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "my bad .. heres a tissue"

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS:Will leave you behind if thats what everyone else is doing

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

BEST FRIENDS:Would walk right in and say,"IM HOME"

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell

FRIENDS: Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life

FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think youve had enough

BEST FRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that you know we dont waste

FRIENDS: comfort you when you fight with your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: go over to his house and kick his ass

FRIENDS: bail you outta jail

BEST FRIENDS: sit next to you singing the jail song

FRIENDS: tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house

BEST FRIENDS: best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you

FRIENDS: Think your insane for jumping off a roof onto a trampoline

BEST FRIENDS: Are jumping right after you

FRIENDS: come over every couple of months for a sleepover

BEST FRIENDS: are your weekend boarders

FRIENDS: are offended when you make fun of them

BEST FRIENDS: kick your ass and all's forgiven

FRIENDS: are shy around your boyfriend

BEST FRIENDS: will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine

FRIENDS: don't see you if you're sick

BEST FRIENDS: are why you're sitting in bed under a blanket with a thermometer, book, and your phone

FRIENDS:dare you to scream into the street

BEST FRIENDS: dare you to go streaking

FRIENDS: call you retarded for running threw bleachers yelling "IT'S PICKLE TIME!"

BEST FRIENDS: are screaming and running with you

FRIENDS: will be there when he brakes up with you

BEST FRIENDS: will prank call him and whisper, " You will die in seven days..."

FRIEND: will help you find your prince

BEST FRIEND: will kidnap him and bring him to you

FRIEND: will help you find your way when you're lost

BEST FRIEND: will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions

FRIEND: will hide you from the cops

BEST FRIENDS: are probably the reason why there after you in the first place

FREINDS: Will ignore this

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy:No, this is fun.

Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy:Then tell me you love me.

Girl:I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love.

This is Written by a Guy!!

Not Me i Just Thought It Was Cute

We guys don't care if you talk to other guys.

We don't care if you're friends with other guys.

But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it makes us kinda mad.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there..

We don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTSbut at 2 in the morning we do get a littl e concerned.

Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it..

Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood im in.

Let us pay for you! Don't 'feel bad'. We enjoy doing it. It's expected.

Smile and say 'thank you.

Kiss us when no one's watching.

If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us.

If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to
wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for who you are and not what you are.

Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.

or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up..

Don't take everything we say seriously.

Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

Don't get angry easily.

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.

Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown,
Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.

It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'
i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me
with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.

On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; )

Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!

Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population
and find someone who will treat you with utter respect

Someone who will honor your morals.

Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.

Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.

Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.

Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and say 'i love you' .and actually mean it.

Give the nice guys a chance.

Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this,
so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad, follow her
When she stares at your mouth, Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and don't let go
When she starts cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong
When she ignores you, Give her your attention
When she pulls away, Pull her back
When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying, Just hold her and don't say a word
When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared, Protect her
When she lays her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steals your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she teases you, Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay
When she looks at you with doubt, Back yourself up
When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand
When she grabs at your hands, Hold hers' and play with her fingers
When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does
When she misses you, she's hurting inside
When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away
When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
Tease her and let her tease you back
Stay up all night with her when she's sick
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
Give her the world
Let her wear your clothes
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
Let her know she's important
Kiss her in the pouring rain
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

I've got a little thing to say to all my friends.

If you cry, I cry...

If you laugh, I laugh...

If you fight, I fight...

If you jump off a cliff...

I'm gonna miss your retarded ass...>w

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic

I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore

I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.

I like COMPETITIVE DANCING, so I MUST be stuck up

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future

I like to READ, so I MUST have a lot of free time

I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I am black so I MUST love chicken. (well acaually im chocolatie brown but people call me black)

I am Pakistani so I MUST be a terrorist.

I wear glasses so I MUST be a nerd.

Stereotypes suck!! Copy and paste... Bold the ones that people might think describe you.

Random Dialog:

Rose: Do I ever cross your mind?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Do you like me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Do you want me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Would you cry if I left?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Would you live for me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Would you do anything for me?

Dimitri: No

Rose: Choose--me or your life

Dimitri: My life

Rose runs away in shock and pain and Dimitri runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

54 Things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper in here"

16. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

17. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

18. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

20. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

21. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

22. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

23. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

24. Play with the automatic doors.

25. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

26. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"

27. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

28. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

29. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

30. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

31. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

33.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

34. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

35. TP as much of the store as possible.

36. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

37. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

38. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

39. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

40. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

41. Take bets on the battle described above.

42. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

43. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

44. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

45. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

46. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

47. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

48. Two words: "Marco Polo."

49. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

50. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

51. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

52. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

53. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

54. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella

55. FOR GIRLS ONLY!!!!! Go up to a male employee, squish your legs together tightly, and scream, "I NEED A BOX OF TAMPONS!" nYou just might get a free box

What my mother taught me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners: Serving Suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well, duh, a bit late, huh?)

On Mark's & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after hot after heating." (And you thought??...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. (And I'm taking this... because?)

On most brands of Christmas tree lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to... what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody help me out on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On packet on Nobby's Peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. (Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?)

(I don't blame the company on this one; I blame the parents) On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a motorized scooter box: Warning: This vehicle moves.

If a guy gives you one of these lame pick up lines, this is what you say...

Guy: If i could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together.
Girl: Really? Cause I would put F and U together.

Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: Yeah? But would you stay there?

Guy: Haven't we met before?
Girl:Maybe. I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic.

Guy: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl: Ya. That's why I don't go there anymore.

Guy: Is this seat empty?
Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?
Girl: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Guy: You're place or mine?
Girl: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Guy:I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Girl: It's in the phone book.
Guy: But i don' know you're name.
Girl: That's in the phone book too.

Guy: What do you do for a living?
Girl: I'm a female impersonator.

Guy: Hey, Baby, what's your sign?
Girl:Do not enter

Guy: I'd go through anything for you
Girl:Good! Let's start with your bank account then the door.

Guy:I know how to please a women.
Girl: Then please leave me alone.

Guy: I want to give myself to you.
Girl: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Guy:Your body is like a temple.
Girl: Sorry, there are no servics today.

Guy: It's a good thing i have my library card, because i'm checking you out.
Girl: Sorry, I'm reserved for someone else.

Guy: Where have you been my whole life?
Girl: Hiding from you.

Guy: I think i've just died and gone to heaven cause i'm looking at an angel!
Girl:Really? I wish I could of died and gone to hell the moment you walked in.

Guy: Why dont you come over to my place?
Girl: Sorry im allergic to monkeys.
Guy: What do you mean?
Girl: I cant go to the zoo

C h o o s e Your Birthday Comment What You Got
Jan - I ate
Feb - I fucked
Mar - I ran naked with
April - I smoked with
... May - I ran shirtless with
June - I beat
July - I cuddled with
Aug - I needed
Sept - I shot
Oct - I shanked
Nov - I stabbed
Dec - I slept with

Pick the day (number) you were born on
01 - my lover
02 - a dog
03 - homer
04 - A homo
05 - a condom
06 - A toothbrush
07 - a hippie
08 - a glass of milk
09 - a porn star
10 - Paris Hilton
11 - the trojan man
12 - a teletubby
13 - the kool-aid man
14 - some crack heads
15 - an Easter egg
16 - a pot head
17 - a bum
18 - a stripper
19 - a horse
20 - a homeless guy
21 - a drink
22 - my best friend
23 - the cookie monster
24 - my boy friend
25 - a bowl of cereal
26 - a golf ball
27 - a bag of weed
28 - a french fry
29 - your mom
30 - your grandma
31 - a mop

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing
White - because hoes keep stealing my tacos
Black - because I'm sexy like that
Pink - Because I'm good in bed
Red - because I have AMAZING boobs
Brown- because I had to
Polka Dots - because I hate my life
Purple - because I'm gay
Gray - because I love marijuana
Other -because I have double D' s
Green - because I love to snort cocaine
Orange - because I smoked crack
Turquoise - because I have a noodle in my nose
Blue - because I'm a pimp
Shirtless - because I've got abs
Yellow - because I didn't like the way he/she looked at me

strangers stab you in the front, friends stab you in the back, boyfriends stab you in the heart, but best friends poke each other with straws... hehe i saw that quote somewhere and i was like "soo truee" andd yeaa...