Hello! To anyone reading this, thank you for your time. Hopefully this means you've read someting of mine, and became curious about me. To make an odd story short, I'm a mom, a college student (full time), a worker (full time job, curse my luck), and now a swinging single girl. (the hubby turned out to be a royal bastard, without the cool crown to make up for it all.)

I love cartoons of all kinds, and I have too many shippages to count. Just recently got back into BIker Mice from Mars, so I expect to have several things posted here soon. Thanks for reading!

This is taken directly from the most awesome website, The From Mars Archive. Anyone interested in learning about the original series from one of the greatest and most accurate sites about it, go check it out!! Oh, and this list is directly from the site.

YOU KNOW YOU LIKE BIKER MICE TOO MUCH WHEN...

Immediately upon seeing the title of this page, you quote Vinnie and shout, "Too much is never enough!"

Fishing becomes less a sport and more a form of revenge.

You feel a desperate need to move to Chicago.

When you saw the end of "Once Upon a Time On Mars", you sighed.

When you see someone out riding a motorcycle late at night in Chicago, it makes you smile (yeah, this was a personal experience).

You love Wrigley Field, despite your vehement hatred of baseball.

You’ve been searching your radio for "The Sweet Georgie Brown" show, but to no avail.

When you find a page that sells Biker Mice videos, you get up out of your chair and dance. Badly.

You devote a small corner of your room to the pagan worship of Tom Tataranowicz (I’ve got a virgin sacrifice lined up for next Friday. Any volunteers?).

You watch the original "90210" and pray that Ian Ziering laughs like Vinnie at least once during the episode.

You watch "The Tick" in the vain hope that Rob Paulsen will do his "Throttle voice."

You wish YOU had buck teeth, too.

You despise shirts, no matter what the weather.

You have a dream about a new season of Biker Mice, then become thoroughly depressed when you wake up and realize that it doesn’t exist.

You’ve bookmarked Bikermice.com.

You see the fish swimming in your mother’s aquarium and wonder, Are we next?

When your house becomes infested with vermin, you purposely hide the mousetraps and lock your cat on the porch.

You want to kill the Power Rangers—not just because of their existence, but because they pushed Biker Mice out of the #1 spot and spelled the series’ doom.

You bought Biker Mice slippers for five-year olds, despite the fact that there’s no way in Hell they’ll ever fit your own feet.

Your nightly prayers include the phrase, "Please please please bring back Biker Mice."

You deeply regret the fact that human beings don’t have tails.

You judge any potential romantic interest by the characters in the series ("Hmmm. Well, she has Charley’s wit…" "Well, he’s no Throttle, but if I can just get him into a pair of leather pants…")

Whenever you go to visit relatives, you frantically page through the TV Guide, as "they might get it here."

You can name every episode you taped over (and you could kick yourself for taping over "My Cheese is Quick" so you could watch something else later).

Ladies: your ideal man is seven feet tall, has an overbite, lots of facial hair, neck hair, chest hair, back hair, etc.

You credit the series with your score on the verbal section of the SAT (I know I do).

You quote Modo’s mother.

You’re willing to take Stan Lee and Marvel Comics hostage to force them to bring back Biker Mice (I’m willing to negotiate, but if they don’t hurry, then Andy Kubert’s head is going through a wall!).

You watch Akira and think to yourself, "Now if these guys had done the animation…"

You switch to contacts just so you can wear sunglasses like Throttle’s.

The Hair Club for Men hangs up on you because of your repeated inquiries about transplants on your arms, legs, back, etc.

Despite the fact that the art was lacking, the three issues of Biker Mice from Mars you found in comic book form are the most prized in your entire collection.

When you have children, you plan to name one of them Vincent, then try to convince your signifigant other that Throttle and Modo are good names, too. If nothing else, then you demand that your next child will be named Charley...As long as it’s a girl.

You reason that the only reason Martian mice were never discovered by humans is a coverup effort by the Martian government (destroying the sattelites; forcing them down into uninhabited areas, etc.).

You dyed a yellow strip down your scalp so you could look like Rimfire.

You’re going to build a monument to the noble young men and women lost during the Plutarkian War (as soon as your government funding comes through).

Instead of screaming on roller coasters, you make a point of shouting, "AOOOOOOOW!" as you go down the first big hill.

You see Mickey as a corruptive influence.

You’re working to get that law on beastiality repealed before we make first contact with Martian mice grin (Come to think of it, you could make a really sick joke out of the "first contact" part, too).

You named your bicycle "Lil’ Darlin."

You define "quality time" as sixteen hours of nonstop Biker Mice episodes (family is so highly overrated).

You want a war to break out soon so that you too can be a Freedom Fighter.

You fill in the Species blank on any fansite guestbook with something other than "human."

You wouldn’t mind being abducted if it was Martian mice instead of those damn grays (even if they still did the anal-probing thing).

You become frustrated that your word processor has very few synonyms for "cheese."

You check out books on motorcycles, cheeses, and firearms to hunt up possible character names for your next FanFic.

If you are guilty of at least five of these things, then my friends...welcome to the club!!

I decided to add a list of quotes that I really enjoy, just something to make me smile. Borrow as many as you like.

"no one grows up. they just learn how to act in public."

If I had no sense of humor then I would have commited suicide long ago - Mahatma
Ghandi

Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with
experiance

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill
them

Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat
them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will
have the element of surprise

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

That news traveled faster than heroin through an addicts veins

"This is latin 101. i reserve the right to overload your tiny little brain at my own discretion." Prof. Carolin Hardin, U of L

"i don't know what WWIII will be fought with, but i do know what WWWIV will be like. Medival." Mark Twain

"Living through uncertainties is difficult." Miroku, from Inuyasha

"Hurry up! i'm only three skulls away from a Mouseketteer reunion." Bender, from Futurama

"if life were easy, no one would ever die." Sarah Powell

"Thank God! The guacamole is dead!" 'It Came From the Fridge' Part II

"The best way around a problem is through it." Robert Frost.

"Power to the People. Right on." John Lennon

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” -unknown

“I feel a lot better now that I’ve lost all hope.”-unknown

“I happen to have a world of experience when it comes to stupidity.”-unknown

“I’m just trying to have a moment of happiness in my otherwise pathetic existence. You can relate, can’t you?”-Joey of Dawson’s Creek

“Why does God ALWAYS have to piss on ME?”-Tray

“Mercy is weakness and weakness is death!”-Crematia

“This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.”-unknown

“Why won’t you let me set off the bomb, you bastards!”-unknown

“When I’m bored I dream and I dream I’m bored, and I wonder if the dream-me is dreaming that she’s bored too…”-Mary Seif

“I won’t be surprised to find that when the world goes crazy I’ll be considered sane. Until then, fuck you.”-Mary Seif

“If you can’t do it right, why bother?”-unknown

“Almost free of these chains…”-unknown

“Oh! And don’t forget the corpse!”-The Whole Nine Yards

“Quiet brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!”-unknown “Don’t make me get my flying monkeys!”-unknown

“Because you’re ugly and your mother hates you.”-The answer to all questions

“Here’s to you, Here’s to me, Best friends we’ll always be, And if somehow we disagree, To hell with you, here’s to me!”-Magnet at Spencer’s

“It must be nice to see the world from the inside of your own ass!”-Keychain

“I’m 21 and legally old enough to do all the stuff I’ve been doing since I was 13.”-Keychain

“We are the people our parents warned us about.”-Sticker

“I can’t go to work today, the voices said, “Stay home and clean the guns””-Keychain

“This reality is really just a fucked up dream.”-Papa Roach

“Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a person like the thought of their impending death.”-Johnny

“Ah shit, you’re gonna try to cheer me up, aren’t you?”-Sticker

“Try not to let your mind wander. It’s too small to be outside on its own.”-T-shirt

“A clean room is the sign of a seriously sick mind!”-unknown

“I swear…they told me it was candy…”-?

“I don’t understand why anyone would ever beat their children; when damaging them psychology is far more permanent.”-Stand-up comedian on Comedy Central

“You’re looking at the bad thing that happens to good people.”-T-shirt

“When we get back to where we were going we’re going back to where we were!”-Ed

“It’s in my experience that no man on this earth is really a man; not even for ten minutes.”-Dogma

“Too bad ignorance isn’t painful.”-T-Shirt

“If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?”-unknown

“If at first you don’t succeed, say fuck it cuzz if it REALLY mattered you’da done it right the first time.”-unknown

“Seeing how delusional I may become one day makes me appreciate every last day of my sanity.”-Comedian on Comedy Central

"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"-Dennis Leary

"I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with."-Dennis Leary

"I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture."-Dennis Leary

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."-Stephen King

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."-Dean Martin

Life without danger is a waste of oxygen-unknown

"Suicide Hotline...please hold."-unknown

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)

"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood".—oscar wilde

"If you need me, i'm at the library." --the maxim of my life

"Men are such idiots, and i married their king." -Peggy Bundy

"'They say the sins of the fathers are visited on the children,' dad said, "'So what did grandpa do to deserve you?'" --me

"YOu'll notice i never stab people near major arteries or organs, but there definately is a little berserker rage going on." -Hugh Jackman

"Hmmm, a bit of PLANNING here would have saved me a lot of stress." --Alan Cumming

Crisis is yours to create.--me

Have you tried not being a mutant?

I think, therefore i slay.--Buffy, the Vampire Slayer

Ignore me, i'll love you for it.--t-shirt

"WAH-HOOOO!" -Warcry of the Howling Commandos

"'WHo are you?' 'No one of consequence.' 'I must know.' 'Get used to disappointment." --conversation between Inigo and the Man in Black in 'The Princess Bride'

Sometimes there's God so quickly.-William Goldman

"Say hello to my little friend!"-Scarface

"if i ever start reffereing to these as the best years of my life, remind me to kill myself." -Dazed and Confused

"I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...I'm all out of bubblegum." --They Live

"Here's to men! Bless their clean-cut faces and dirty little minds!" -The Best of Everything

"'Bye-bye, boys!' 'Have fun stormign the castle!' '(Think it'll work?)' '(It'd take a miracle.) Good-bye!'" --Miracle Max talking to Valerie in the Princess Bride

"i cherished my anger as a badge of moral superiority."--Mark Rudd

"We have something similar to the Mafia where i'm from, its called 4-H." comidian on Comedy Central

"Excuse me while i kiss the sky." Jimi Hendrix song lyric

"'Names have been changed to preserve marriages. i still don't think it'll work.'" Introduction to Jeff Foxworthy's autobiography, 'No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem.'

"Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the fck over it." Mark Bilbrey

"Sucki-sucki, five dollar!" Eric Cartman, South Park

"A smoke bomb, a gas mask, and a helicopter, that's all i ask." Calvin, from the comic Calvin and Hobbs.

"HEY! Hey wake up, you stupid cretin! You're gonna sleep while i get eaten!" Calvin again. thank god for Bill Waterson, their creator.

"(His cat, he calls her, but she owns him not.)" Taken from J.R.R. Toliken's 'Two Towers.' sauron describing shelob.

"That only counts as one!" Gimli, LOTR, Return of the King, after Legolas kills a giant elephant.

"Contains useful information as how to survive: high rise hotel fires, leeches, runaway camels and UFO abductions." review given to the 'Worst-Case Scenario Survial Handbook: Travel edition

"i wish my shirt had a logo or a product on it. a good shirt turns the wearer into a walking corporate billboard! it says to the world, 'my identity is so wrapped up in what i buy that I paid the COMPANY to advertise its products.'" "you'd admit that?" "oh sure. endorsing products is the American way to express individuality."- conversation between calvin and Hobbs.

"'you cant just turn on creativity like a faucet. you have to be in the right mood.' 'what mood is that?' 'Last-minute panic.'"-calvin and hobbs again. those two were deep.

"'i wonder why man was put on earth. what's our purpose? why are we here?'-calvin, right before going to sleep. 'tiger food.' hobbs, calvin's stuffed tiger buddy."

"Good heavens i think i blew my face inside out!" -calvin

"'dad, how do people make babies?' 'most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.' 'I CAME FROM SEARS!' 'no, you were a blue light special at K-mart. almost as good and a lot cheaper.' 'AAAUUUGHHHH!'"-conversation between calvin and his dad.

"you can lead people to truth, but you can't make them understand it."-Bill Waterson

i hope some historian will confirm that i was the fist cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip.-waterson again.

"Physical education is what you learn from having your face in someone's armpit right before lunch." -calvin

this is the last one from calvin and hobbs i promise. "Hello? i'd like to know how much a good pair of binoculars costs... ONE TO SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT MY DAD'S GOING TO 'DO' TO ME?" "he's not going to stop at killing you. uh-uhn."

"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality; and i must admit, i did ask god to give me a son to carry on the family name. well, god did just that and i now confess that there have been times when i've told my son not to reveal who he is."-bill cosby, from his book 'fatherhood.'

"if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to be played."-bill cosby

"All life is eight-to-five against."-ring lardner

"my father sat me down one day and said, 'i brought you into this world, i can take you out. don't matter to me, i'll make another one, look just like ya.'"-bill cosby

"it ain't the girl scouts, that's for sure."-mr. sir, from the book 'Holes'.

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

"Reguarding love, I think fools rush in where the wise fear to go." Wise men never fell in love, so how would they know?

A friend will bail you out of jail. A good friend will be in the cell next to you shouting, 'That was so cool!'

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems!

Two wrongs don't make a right. But two Wrights do make an airplaine

Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you! Join the army!

Travel the world, Meet interesting people, and kill them.

You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking!

Why do irons have a setting for permanent press?

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

Will your answer to this question be no?

Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

I am not young enough to know everything.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce

This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

Well aren't we just a bloody little ray of sunshine.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

"Love me, or BURN FOREVER. But you get a choice in the matter. Cool, eh?"-(God)

Deja Vu -When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

7/5th of all people don't understand fractions.

"Common sense isn't." -Ben Franklin

I have taken my self ransom. I want 1 million dollars, or you will never see me again!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I’m not only weird. I’m gifted too.

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

"Operator dial 911!"- Homer Simpson

"I hope I didn't brain my damage."-Homer Simpson

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away. --Jack Handy

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT!" --Jack Handy

i souport publik edekasion.

One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead men stood up to fight, three blind men to see fair play, forty mutes to yell hooray, back to back they faced eachother, drew their swords and shot each other

Ociffer I swear to drunk I'm not God!

Practice safe eating, always use condiments

When man discovered milk came from cows, what did he think he was doing?

I'm not paranoid! Which one of my enemys told you that?

Truck Driver's Last Words: The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 45 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Crap!" Only the states of Oklahoma, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama and Texas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this"

If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!

Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes. - If you can read this, you're overeducated.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them on the head.

9 out of 10 voices in my head agree that I'm sane.

I didnt lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay for 5 bucks!

Homophobia is so gay

One by one the penguins steal my sanity.

A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered: I don't know and I don't care. --Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly,

20 July 1990 Eneregizer bunny arrested: charged with battery.

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot Warning: Survivors will be shot again

I have decided to live forever, or die in the attempt.

Guns don't kill people; death kills people. It's a proven medical fact.

!klat kcab ruoy dna uoy mnaD

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

I have lots of friends, you just can't see them.

I hear voices, and they don't like you

The next time I see your face, I hope it's on the back of a milk carton

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

if buttered toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you tie buttered toast to the back of a cat and drop it?

if you're in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?

if a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?

STRESS: that confusion of the body that comes from surpressing the desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it

America, fck yeah!

"tis nothing, its just a flesh wound!"- the black knight

yo momma's so fat, her nickname is "DAMN!"

save the whales: collect the whole set!

a day without sunshine is like night.

on the other hand, you have different fingers

42.7 percent of all fractions are made up on the spot

99 percentof lawyers give the rest a bad name

i feel like i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

honk if you love peace and quiet

remember, half the people you know are below average

he who laughs last thinks slowest

depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

support bacteria. they're the only culture some people have.

monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week

a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

if you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments

if everything seems to be going well, you've obviously missed something.

everyone has photographic memory, some just don't have any film

why do psycics have to ask your name?

inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened

light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

You can’t have manslaughter without laughter

I’d rather be fighting the Man!

I’m here to kill you—next time, keep that chain letter going!

Only the good die young.

Stupidity causes cancer

Management not responsible for lost or stolen virginity

Carpe scrotum!

Semper Fi--Always Faithful, the Marines' slogan if i'm not mistaken.

Good friends are god’s apology for bad relatives.

"A good friend will ask you why you're crying. A BEST FRIEND will grab the shovel and help you bury the jerk that made you cry." --unkown

"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has handed them vodka and have a party."-- Ron White

"How come Karma's never around to bitch slap somebody when you need her too?"--Me

"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."--Oscar Wilde

"The problem with defending the English language is that English is as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursed other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle through their pockets for new vocaulary."--James D. Nicoll

"A deep and abiding belief in Karma keeps me off the roof with an AK-47." --unknown, saw it on a t-shirt

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off." --unknow, saw it on a sticker

"God is a comedian playing to an audience to afraid to laugh."--Voltaire

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the Mystical. It is the source of true Art and Science."--Albert Einstein

"Faith means not wanting to know what is true."--Nietzsche

Fear less, hope more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; And all good thing are yours.--Swedish proverb

"Where would we be if throughout history, our greatset minds had not feared that which they could not confirm? Embrace the unknown with caution, but not with fear."--Karen Somerfield

"when God spread Inquiry amongst his people, thou came forth to haul thy bounty, and there was much rejoicing... ya' greedy brat."

"Sex is emotion in motion." Mae West

Quotes from Nodignity. love that site.

Hey, my inbox was just as shocked as yours...
- Melly

Off to find more fun ways to destroy what's left of my sanity!!
- leelu

It's OK, I'm giving up religion for lent.
- AKA Becker

You know you're suffering political overload when you're driving down a residential street, see a yard sign and automatically think to yourself "wow, I've never heard of that candidate, I wonder what party they belong to?" and then you realize that in fact, it's a realty company.
- Closet Buffyholic

God DAMN! People here are so much smarter than me. Than I. Than me. Well, I'm pretty much making my point here.
- newfan

I really hate my job some weeks. Usually, 52 weeks. But still.
- Anya

RTBS Not sure where I saw it, I closed the browers down fast in case anybody at work saw me with a WWE/Buffy crossover fic page open. I tabbed over to the farmyard sex page to save my blushes.
- Amish Boy

bang head on desk Must Regain Brain

bang head on desk Must Regain Brain

bang head on desk Must Regain Brain
- Anya

Seriously, dude. I'm not really as smart as I seem. I just type fast and carry a fast browser.
- Melly

friends don't let friends watch top model until at least 4 shots of tequila have been consumed!
- eiddy

I was so stunned, I am sure I sounded like a short-bus special.
- amberlynne

Once you actually go to therapy, you stop being "crazy" & become "pharmaceutically eccentric", which is like regular eccentric, except you're not rich & there's legally prescribed medications involved.
- Claris

you are my special rage hero
- pipesdreams

ha! stupid russians. it's all in the details if you're going to be an evil genius, yo.
- eiddy

Can we make something else our future? Like puppies? Cuz the children, they just aren't cutting it these days:
- MeeBy

I am proud to say that I broke every single one of those rules, and am a dirty messy whore to boot.
What? It's not like my wedding dress was white. I was proper and wore ivory.
- Sarah Nicole

I guess it's shameful when you find out your religion broke copyright.
- Anya

Heh. I believe that's the kind of personally we'd call a "hosebeast."
- malisita

Hey! I'm not disorganized, I'm differentlyorganized. Which isn't worse, except for the part where I'm always losing things.
- fearlesstemp

They're making a video game of The Passion of the Christ....
...I for one look forward to the game. I'm assuming I get to smite Romans with my cool Jesus powers, such as walking on water and heat vision. Which sounds downright awesome.
...It turns out that there isn't going to be a Passion game, as that site is a joke. In order to discover this, I had to research long and hard, venturing into the deepest pits of the reader comments following the article.

That said, I have faith in my heart that one day I will get to play a Jesus First Person Shooter.
- Sam

panic knows no governmental distinctions.
- shehawken

and also...nothing is more tacky than in Orlando where they have the "Holy Land Experience." I shit you not, Claris, there is a holy family petting zoo.
- Megdalen
I'm confused
Does that mean there is a zoo, and in one of the cages there is a family, who are holy... with a mom and a dad and a little baby and you can go along and pet them and feed them wine and fish through the cage bars?
If so, then that is really cool, and I want to emigrate.
- TMorel
ROFLMAO!! I'm just reporting the stuff, I didn't name it. They also have a room with a scale model of Jerusalem in the time of Christ and there's a lecture where they point out the sites while you stand around the model-- "There's Golgotha, there's Herod's Palace..." Pretty interesting, right? So then the lecture-guy says, "And right here is the CHEESEMAKER'S VALLEY." So of course I bust a gut laughing, very loud as my laugh is wont to be, thinking that of course he is referring to the "blessed are the cheesemakers" bit from Monty Python's the Life of Brian. But when no one else laughed and all stared at me, I realized that the lecture-guy was serious-- there really is a Cheesemaker's valley, and woe to those who go to the Holy Land Experience with Monty Python Experience in their brain.
- Megdalen

kay, I did not mean to incite a bi-coastal Canadian drug-induced civil war.
- SarahNicole

And really, if I leave an incriminating word out, is there any doubt (knowing me) what word it is? Kill. Stab. Murder. Maim. Strangulate. Defenestrate. Take your pick, it's one of those.
- Anya
Eviscerate! Emasculate!
This is fun!
- Closet Buffyholic
Hee! I forgot those two words in my haste!

I have nothing much to say today except that how come sons of OUR ex-leaders are never caught instigating a coup d'etat? Because that's some prime scandal, I'm telling you.
- Closet Buffyholic
Puleeze. Like the Bush twins are smart enough to overthrow anything but a kegger. snerk
- amberlynne

To the guy in the gym with spandex shorts whose side panels were mesh...
1983 called. Normally, they'd leave the msg that they want their fashion back, but they wanted you to know they're so ashamed of that one that it's okay if you keep it, as long as you don't let anyone know you got it from them.
- Claris

i learned yesterday that i am also in charge of canada. it was told to me in an off-handed way, "oh, by the way, you also have responsibility to canada. don't freak out. it'll be fine." no one has bothered to tell me what, exactly, i am supposed to do with canada. and today i had to do some math for mexico, even though i am not technically in charge of worldwide, except that sometimes i am.
- willa

Claris : here. This is worlds colliding for you :
Hobbits for Bush.
amberlynne : oh look. all 7 of them.
amberlynne : that is an AFFRONT TO EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND PURE IN MIDDLE EARTH

And while my work doesn't really require judgement, it probably should.
- Vanessa

Ah, but you forget that he is a baby killing Devil-worshipper.
- Sam
you say that as if it's a bad thing.
- Closet B

this is what friends are for, to spread the ew.
- Polgara

Sarah wait this isn't a internet dating service? Are you telling me that I've been using all my good lines on you people while elsewhere there are thousands of sexy people who haven't seen the glory, the wonder, the sexy that is me?
- Mr. Whyt
MrWhyt - On the bright side, look at this as a non-threatening venue in which to test your sex god powers.
We never reject... We just mock.
- Sarah

I wish this case had gone ahead and been prosecuted so we could get a ruling once and for all on the harmful nature of vibrators to the good women of Texas. Damnit, I'm going to have to go out and get caught selling vibrators so I can be a test case.
- 'stina

apparently I cannot sue Adam for indecent exposure, because we are married.
Where's the justice? What if someday I'm offended by his exposure? Where are my frivolous lawsuit rights?
- Robyn
Just be glad you can't sue him in small claims court snicker
- OzLady

Dear Spammers: If that miracle enlarging, enhancing, go all night drug is so wonderful, why are you sitting at a computer sending me mail? Shouldn't you be otherwise occupied with those hot underage farm girls and desperate wives cheating on their husbands?
- Little Sister

I'm supposed to be having my roaring 20's right now! Drugs! drinking! Wild, irresponsible sex! But no! Instead, I've just gotten clearance for overtime! That's NOT A FAIR TRADE!
- Claris

-How did you do that?

-With great skillful skill and great speedy speed.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Either you're lieing to other people, or you're lieing to yourself.

-Me

Words cant hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head.

I have no preference. I hate everyone equally.

Oh please! You're family's in danger every time you pick up a butter knife!"

- Vlad Masters, Danny Phantom

-Shoots monkey-

"Look, an undead monkey!"

- Jack in Pirates of the Carrabiean 2

"Those clothes do not suit you at all, love. It should be a dress, or nothing. You know, I happen to have no dress in my cabin..."

-Jack in Pirates of the Carrabiean 2

Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since.'

'Yea, well, passing over Fred's left buttock- '

'Beg your pardon?' said Fred's voice as the twins entered the kitchen.

- Harry Potter , Half Blood Prince

Snape sneaks up on Harry from behind

Snape: Potter, what are you doing wandering the coridors at night?

Harry: I'm sleep walking.

-HP, Movie Three

"Tradgedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

- Mel Brooks

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door."

When you take a few punches and realise you're not made of glass, the world suddenly isn't such a scary place.

"People think that I must be a very strange person.

This is not correct.

I have the heart of a small boy.

It is in a glass jar on my desk."

-Stephen King

"Morgan is the one talking about soul ripping and element tearing. I think the ship had kind of sailed, you know? The barn door’s open, the cows are out, and the bag is really devoid of cats!"

- The Dresden Files, Harry

"I wouldn’t mind if you want to kill me

but I might struggle a bit..."

-Trowa Barton

I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex.

-Xander - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

'I reject your reality and substitute my own.'

-Adam Savage - MythBusters

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalant exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth."

-Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist

"No, you don't get it, thats why I'm telling you. You think you get it, which isn't the same as actually getting it. Get it?"

-Kakashi Hatake - Naruto

"I'll make up for my age with a really big gun."

-Root - Aremis Fowl

Vernon: Listening to the news! Again?
Harry: Well, it changes every day, you see.

Harry Potter & Vernon Dursley - HP: OotP

Vernon: We're not stupid, you know.
Harry: Well, that's news to me.

Harry Potter & Vernon Dursley - HP: OotP

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley."

-Mad-Eye Moody - HP: OotP

Commodore: You are the worst pirate I have ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

James Norrington & Jack Sparrow - PotC 1

Tia: You have a touch of destiny about you, William Turner.
Will: Do you know me?
Tia: You want to know me.
Jack: There will be no knowing here! I thought I knew you.

Jack, Will & Tia - PotC 2

"I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?"

-Jack - PotC

Lord Cutler Beckett: You're mad!
Jack: If I wasn't, this'd probably never work.

-Jack & Beckett - PotC

"We have sticktion!"

-Grant - MythBusters

"A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit."

- John C. Maxwell

Part of me, won't agree

Cause I don't know if it's for sure.

Suddenly, suddenly,

I don't feel so insecure

anymore.

-Sum 41 - The Hell Song

Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

-Rolf Nelson

"Whatever, Mr. Insane-Vain-Poppin-a-Little-Too-Far-Out-of-his-Head-While-Swinging-a-Bat-Guy..."

-Adam Sandler - Anger Management

There are too kinds of anger - explosive and implosive. Explosive is the man in the supermarket that screams at the casheir for not taking his cupons. Implosive is the casheir, who sits there day... after day... and then one day, shoots everyone in the store. You're the casheir."

- Anger Management

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

-Winston Churchill

“Je vais ou je vas mourir, l'un et l'autre se dit ou se disent."
Translation : “I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.”

- Dominique Bouhours

“Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? 'French Fries'!” -- James French -- French, a convicted murderer, was sentenced to the electric chair. He shouted these words to members of the press who were to witness his execution.

“Put out the bloody cigarette!!” - Saki - Spoken to a fellow officer while in a trench during World War One, for fear the smoke would give away their positions. He was then shot by a German sniper who had heard the remark.
--

“Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.” -- George Engel, anarchist, union activist, shouted before his execution at the gallows.

“Nobody shot me.” -- Frank "Tight Lips" Gusenberg, American mobster murdered as part of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. -- In response to a police officer who asked "Who shot you?"

It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.

-Unknown
--

"You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the diet coke of evil. Just one calorie - not evil enough!"

-Austin Powers - Dr. Evil

And you wonder why you life is an unending series of insurmountable intellectual, financial and emotional hurdles..."

The Dresden Files - Bob

Carla: Why can't you just, for once, dig deep down into your heart, access some emotions, and empathize with me?

...Later...

Dr. Cox: Listen, I was thinking about what happened earlier, and... Anyway...uh, here.

He presents a small styrofoam box containing a pastry.

Carla: Wow. You finally dug deep down in your heart and came up with a muffin!

-Scrubs - Dr. Cox & Carla

-Dr. Cox whacks JD upside the head-

-draws hand back, its covered in gel-

"Dear God, Newbie, how much product do you use?"

Dr.Cox - Scrubs

JD, "Oh my god, it's David Copperfeild!"

- Scrubs

"I am up to here with cool, okay, I am so amazingly cool that you could keep a side of meat in me for a month, I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis, now would you move before I blow it?"

- Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy

Every song ever made by the Bloodhound Gang - hillarious. Look 'em up. Specifically -

"Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" - by The Bloodhound Gang

Small Excerpt -

If I get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so pathetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

"Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

-Indigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

Greg - "I'm like a sponge, I just absorb information...

Gil - "I thought that was my line."

Greg - "Yeah. And I absorbed it."

-Greg Sanders and Gil Grissom, CSI

Gil - "How much do you weigh?"

Warrick - "Uh, that's between me and my trainer."

Gil - "Do I have to get a scale?"

Warrick - "Buck-ninty-five, give or take a dounut."

-Gil Grissom and Warrick Brown, CSI

Gil - "Tell me about his testicles."

Doc Robbins - "What?! Ah, okay... I'm working with you..."

Gil Grissom and Doc Robbins, CSI

Cath - "...what kind of perverse game are you playing here, Gil?"

Gil - "I'm not a pervert."

-Cathrine Willows and Gil Grissom, CSI

Greg - "...you smell like death."

Sara - "I've heard!"

-Greg Sanders and Sara Sidle, CSI

Cath - "It's raining man juice?"

-Cathrine Willows, CSI

"I think people who curse are skanks."

-Ms. Ford, my Latin Teacher

"If your mom still drives you to school, you ain't no gangsta, pull your pants up!"

-Jeff Foxworthy, Comedian

"Tenacious tatas!"

- Peanut the Woozle, AKA Jeff Dunham, Comedian

"Never. Mock. The Cookie."

- Uncle, Jackie Chan Adventures (on the topic of fortune cookies)

"RUN! THE CURRY OF LIFE!"

- Naruto (... you'd have to see the episode.)

"...because I'm Dan Grave!"

- Ruger's Model Congress Speaker Dan Grave: to be used as justification for... just about everything. Why? Beacuse I'm Dan Grave!

"OH YEAH!"

- The Kool-Aid Guy

"We're not just sure, we're HIV positive."

- Erik, South Park

"...uh oh, bit of a kuhfuffle here!"

-John Oliver, Terrifying Times

"...If you're wondering how much balls it takes to say a thing like that; it takes three balls."

-John Oliver, Terrifying Times