Previously known as kittylikesWhitlock

Hi there! I'm Kitty, a coffee and Chai addict with a very active imagination. I have a hard time being confident enough to show my work to other people.

My step-father asked me: If a plane crashes on the United States-Canada border, where do you bury the survivors?

My answer: Wherever they land.

Mom says: You dolt, you don't bury survivors!

Me: -_- I seriously did not hear him say survivors...

And after a lot of laughter at my expense, we have learned I am not to be trusted with plane crash survivors.

Some of my favorite book series are The Dark-Hunter Series by Sherrilyn Kenyon, The Breeds Novels by Lora Leigh, The Argeneau Novels by Lynsay Sands, The Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer, The Otherworld Series by Yasmine Galenorn, The Wicked Lovely Series by Melissa Marr, The Immortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, Vampire Knight by Matsuri Hino, and... Never mind I think I will shut up now, cause there's just way too much to list. I apologize.

Go to : http://www.fictionpress.com/kittylikeswhitlock This story is undergoing some editing...

Authors that people should check out: 4MeJasper; boz4PM; peters.kitten; atruwriter; ToryTigress92; ,mellowenglishgal. More to come later...

Favorite Fandoms I usually read (so if anyone has any recommendations?): Vampire Knight

Lord of the Ring, I don't really like the Mary-Sues but if it's well written and makes sense I'll probably read it.

The Hobbit

Silmarillion

Immortals After Dark

Harry Potter

Avatar

Avatar the Last Airbender

and occasionally, Twilight

I mostly read fics where the ships are not usually what one would expect, cause hey, the authors who wrote the books put them together and I may have liked to see them end up with someone else but since I don't own the amazing creations, I have no say. Sooo... that is why I don't really like any fics that have Ron/Hermione ships but I occasionally enjoy a Ron and Luna story, or Hermione with one of the twins or perhaps an older man, like Charlie or someone; also will not ever read a Bella/Edward fic. I also dislike like when authors do excessive and exaggerating nick-naming, but most times I will read the story anyway just because it's purty darn good. So enough for now, more later. Toodles.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Stop.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Grapes

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.

The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says no.

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

Warning

If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker guy named "Big Al".

Life is simple, it's just not easy. Author Unknown

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. Jack Handey

We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse. Author Unknown

My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can. Cary Grant

...the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse. Walt Whitman, "O Me! O Life!", Leaves of Grass

He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for. Moroccan Proverb

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child - our own two eyes. All is a miracle. Thich Nhat Hanh

If you looked inside a girl, you would see how much she cries, you would find so many secrets lots & lots of lies, but what you'll see the most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong.

I didn't read your mind. I read your facebook status.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside of us.

Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on the planet. They're treated like children but expected to act like adults.

I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world...

When it rains on your parade, look up rather then down... Without the rain, there would be no rainbow. :)

I don't only fall down stairs, I fall up them too. Now takes talent! :D

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart; but best friends only poke each other with straws.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.

Do you ever wonder if the greener grass on the other side is really artificially made? I do. All the time.

He who laughs last... didn't understand the joke.

Be optimistic. All the people you hate are eventually going to die.

Guys don't fall for me. I just trip them.

If con is the opposite if pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Parents spend the first half of your life teaching you to walk and talk, and the other half telling you to sit down and shut up.

Smile. It confuses people.

It's you and me against the world...we attack at dawn.

Don't look at me in that tone!

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh harder.

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?

When life gives you lemons, make Grape juice, sit back, and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Your mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, then it's gone.

The past is just the future with the lights on.

Sarcasm is your mind's natural defense against stupidity.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. Stupid psychiatrist...

Dear Math, stop asking me to find your X. She's not coming back, and don't ask Y either.

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

NO, I didn't trip. I was just testing gravity. It still works

Emmett is the strongest.
Rosalie is the hottest.
Edward is the fastest.
Bella is the clumsiest.
Alice is the quirkiest.
But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make everyone feel jealous...

I hate when people see me at the grocery store are like, "Heey, what are you doing here? :)"

I'm like "Oh, you know. Hunting elephants..." -_-

You want to know who I think the most beautiful person is? Read that first word again...

Fuck you, I'm funny.

Idiots: The people sworn by duty to bring you your daily WTF moment.