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( _ ) Copy the bunny to the left onto your profile to help him achieve world domination.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Reality is more fun when you make it up

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Words may hurt me, but sticks and stones will bounce off my force field

I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.

Love your enemies. it pisses them off

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Tell the truth and run

When in doubt, say a quote

When in doubt, make up words!

Ask no questions and I will tell no lies.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up

I'm not insensitive, I just dont care

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Save the earth. It’s the only planet with chocolate.

Some people are like slinkies...they're really good for nothing...but they still bring a smile to your face you push them down a flight of stairs.

My New Motto: Life's a b*tch and so am I !:)

i'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Procrastinate NOW!

John "Soap" MacTavish

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

Don't take life too seriously; no on gets out alive.

I will temporarily rule the world, forever.

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police

I used to be on the edge of insanity... I jumped.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

My friends used to be semi-normal. Then they met me.

I like to laugh. All the time. At everything. Even at stuff that's not even funny.

Rap stands for: Retards Attempting Poetry

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

If you think that nothing is impossible, then you've obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.

I'm a paranoid apathiest. I know someone’s out to get me and I just don't care.

If the world was a stage, I'd want to be the one operating the trap door.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and make it sound confusing.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

I've not failed. I've just found thousand ways that don't work.

According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense...

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.

Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris once appeared to Martin Luther King in a dream.

Freddy Krueger has nightmares of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays Russian roulet the bullet hopes it doesn't hit Chuck Norris.

Chuck doesn't battle, he only allows you to lose.

Chuck Norris once counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow.

The last prime number is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was in Star Wars...he was the Force

Chuck Norris's watch doesn't tell him the time...he tells it!

So Jesus could walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim thorugh land

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

People have Tornado watch. Tornadoes have Chuck Norris watch

Humans have Shark Week. Sharks have Chuck Norris week

Chuck Norris once tried to skip a stone in the ocean...three weeks later, a man in France was killed when a stone jumped out of the water and struck him in the head.

Chuck Norris once got shot. after three days of agonizing pain, the bullet died in a hosptial.

There was no Big Bang... only Chuck Norris, a can of beans, and a lighter

God said "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said "Say Please"

Chuck Norris died twenty years ago, Death is just too scared to tell him.

Chuck Norris went to the sun, the sun got burned

Chuck Norris doesnt dodge bullets, bullets dodge him

Santa tells Chuck Norris what he wants for Christmas

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, but Chuck Norris never cries

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because he's afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of him

Chuck norris can win a staring competition... with his eyes closed

Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King...and got one.

Chuck Norris got set on fire. The fire had to stop, drop, and roll

Chuck Norris won a staring contest against a picture

The real reason hitler killed himself was because he found out Chuck Norris was a jew

Chuck Norris is the reason that Waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris doesn't fight he just allows you to lose

chuck Norris CAN belive its not butter.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

Music of my life:

Opening Credits: Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson

Waking Up: Same Old Song and Dance by Aerosmith

First Day of School: Get to the Finish Line by Jim Kaufman

Falling In Love: Hey Soul Sister by Train

Fight Song: In the End by Linkin Park

Breaking Up: You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi

Prom: Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Mental Breakdown: Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace

Driving: Drive by Jim Kaufman

Flashback: All Star by Smash Mouth

Getting Back Together: Lost in You by Three Days Grace

Birth of Child: Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts

Wedding: Livin’ On A Prayer by Bon Jovi

Final Battle: ‘Till I Collapse by Eminem

Death Scene: Time of Dying by Three Days Grace

Funeral Song: A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars

End Credits: Everyday Superhero by Smash Mouth

NCIS Gibbs Rules:

#1. Never screw over your partner.
Other #1. Never let suspects stay together.
#2. Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
#3. Never be unreachable.
Other #3. Don't believe what you're told. Always double check.
#4. The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person if you must. There is no third best.
#5. Don't waste good.
#6. Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness.
#7. Always be specific when you lie.
#8. Never take anything for granted.
#9. Never go anywhere without a knife.
#10. Never get personally involved in a case.
#11. When the job is done, walk away.
#12. Never date a co-worker. (My least favourite rule.)

#13. Never involve a lawyer.
#15. Always work as a team.
#16. If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
#18. It's better to seek forgivness than ask permission.
#22. Never bother Gibbs during interrogation.
#23. Never miss with a Marine's coffee if you want to live.
#27. Two ways to follow: first way they never notice you, second way they only notice you.
#35. Always watch the watchers.
#38. Your case, your lead.
#39. There is no such thing as a coincidence.
#40. If you think someone's out to get you, they are.
#44. First thing's first: hide the women and children.
#45. Clean up your mess.
#51. Sometimes you are wrong.

Mental Disorder Help Line:

If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic: Press 912512497591576041.
If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.
If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.
If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Things to Ponder:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

I wonder why people say 'life is so short?' when life is the longest thing that you will ever experience?

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

If curiosity killed the cat, then what about it's other lives?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I'm not afraid of death. What's it gonna to do? Kill me?

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

What disease did cured ham have?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do alarm clocks “go off” when they start making noise?

Why do we yell “Heads up!” when we should be yelling “Heads down!”?

How can something be both “new” and “improved”?

Why do we shut up, but quiet down?

How did the “Keep Off the Grass” sign get there in the first place?

What happens when Pinocchio says that his nose is going to grow?

What colour does a smurf turn when you choke it?

Do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If knees bent the other way, what would chairs look like?

How come Superman would stop bullets with his chest, but ducked when people threw stuff at him?

If it's zero degrees today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why is it an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in an asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If there are times when you want to annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and past this on your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.

If you have ever Fallen UP the stairs, Copy and Paste this to your Profile.

If you have ever put something metal into the microwave, then flipped out because you didn't know why the microwave was making funny noises, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love to confuse people, copy and paste this into your profile.

odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've gotten completely zoned out of a conversation that you don't even remember what you were talking about copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that poor Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

if you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

Copy AND paste this if you wouldnt care if writing or reading were illegal. You would still do it.

.eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone their not, copy this on your profile.

If, you've ever spent a long amount of time looking for something that you were holding/wearing, copy this into your profile

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read other peoples profiles, copy this to yours.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever not known where you were when there was a sign right next to you, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think having a fanfic profile is way cooler than having a myspace or facebook; copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.