Author has written 4 stories for Hunger Games, Assassin's Creed, Brink, Warhammer, and Ranger's Apprentice.
My name is Jacob. I enjoy many books, video games, and movies. I like The Hunger Games, Assassin's Creed, Fallout 3, the Elder Scrolls series, Star Wars, Halo, Rangers Apprentice, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and the Inheritance series chiefly among them.
Things to do When Bored in a Store
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
I must say I've done over half of the things there.
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. LucilliaAL
Rules For Hogwarts:
- If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!
- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar
- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.
- I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort
- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape
- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda
- I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.
- The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
- If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.
- It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
- "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
- Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey."
- I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs
- The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife with PMS
- "I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!"
- "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead."
- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret
- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
- Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...
- Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.
- I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office
- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.
- Especially not with kazoos.
- The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".
- Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden.
- There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".
...Even if I do conjure him up.
- Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.
- The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
- Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.
- I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.
- I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"
- I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."
- Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.
- No combination of these is acceptable.
- Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.
- Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.
- I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways.
- I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever.
- If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change.
- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.
- I must not shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.
- I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals.
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, she asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry.Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked her for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.She asked if they would ask the man one question.She was curious as to why he had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."
You're never alone...
93 Percent Of the people who read this won't repost it.
Don't be one of those people.
Believe in God and he'll always be there to protect you.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism
You know you live in 2011 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played Solitaire with real cards for years.
3.) You're shocked when you hear that people CAN actually survive without cable.
4.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or MySpace.
6.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
7.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
8.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
9.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
10.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
11.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
12.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
13.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
Dear (the last person you talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but 1. I think I realized it 2 3 and I saw you 4 5. I'm sure you're 6 enough to understand 7. I'm returning 8 to you, but I'll keep 9 as a memory. You should also know that I 10 11.
1. What's the color of your shirt?
2. Which is your birth month?
3. Which food do you prefer?
4. What's the color of your socks?
5. What's the color of your underwear?
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
7. Your mood right now?
8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
9. The first letter of your first name?
10. The last letter in your last name?
11. What do you prefer to drink?
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Dear Corinn (my sister),
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me in your camping car, and I saw you carve your initials into my best friend. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that extreme home makeover sucks. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I get sick when I think of a new life as a clone.
Greetings to your frog Leonardo,
Okayyyy, that was really weird... and funny...
Guilty or Innocent?
Asked someone to marry you? innocent
Wow, this really reveals alot about someones personality.
Your Real Name: Loren
Your Gangsta Name (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Lorizzle
Your Detective Name (favorite color and favorite animal): Red Wolf
Your Soap Opera Name (middle name and what people call you): Jacob Dorksalot
Your Star Wars Name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Smilorall (That sounds weird)
Your Superhero Name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Black Soda
Your Arab Name (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's name, and last letter of your mom's middle name): Oijlnkh
Your Witness Protection Name (mom's middle name): Louise
Your Goth Name (black and a name of your pet): Black Robin
Your Rock Star Name (favorite fruit and something that can go wrong): Pear Spelunking
Your Pirate Name (any color and a pirate accessory): Green Sash
1. Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle
2. For each question press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT MAY SOUND!!
1. What is your motto?
Another One Bites the Dust
2. What do your friends think of you?
3. What if you got so mad, that everyone stayed away from you and let you have your space for 4 days?
Viva la Vida
4. What if there was a stalker chasing you?
Mad Russian's Christmas (Instrumental)
5. What would you do if your friend left you?
We Will Rock You
6. What if you saw a bunch of random people/things?
7. What if a male friend could do everything an adult can do?
Drops of Jupiter
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
9. What do you think when you see the person you like?
10. What do your parents think of you?
More Than A Feeling
11. What will you dance to at your wedding?
You Can Call Me Al
12. What will they play at your funeral?
Kakiroko Village (But that's a happy song...)
13. What is your hobby/interest?
The Dynamo of Volition
14. What would you do if you worked at a casino?
15. What do you think of your friends?
Hey Soul Sister (I only have one female friend soooo...)
16. What is the worst thing that could happen?
Closer To Love
17. What if your brother/sister never stopped bothering you?
Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes
18. What is the one thing you will regret?
Superman (It's Not Easy)
19. Where would you like to go?
20. What has a catchy beat?
That Was Your Mother
21. Will you ever get married?
22. What is the dumbest thing you've ever said?
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree
23. Does anyone like you?
Annie (What are the odds? I don't even know anyone named annie.)
24. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Under African Skies
25. What will you do to make the class laugh?
Stoppin' the Love ("Get a room!")
26. What will you post this as?
Everyone I Know
27. What is your current mood?
Ballad of the Goddess, from Skyward Sword
28. What do you think of your best friend?
The Boy in the Bubble
29. What is your favorite pasttime?
If It Kills Me
30. What are you going to do tomorrow?
Here we go
31. What interesting thing happened to you?
32. What did your last text say?
I Know What I Know
33. What does your best friend think of you?
Make It Mine
34. Where do you wish you were?
Runaway Car (No, I don't wish I were in a runaway car)
35. What does the person you like think of you?
The Legend of Zelda Main Theme Medley
36. What will you be like in 10 years?
Fire & Rain (That describes my personality now.)
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.
Godly Parent is...
You like being in charge.
You feel at home in the water.
You’re not that much of a people person.
You own a garden.
You often start fights. (No but I don't hesitate to jump in)
You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You’re very creative and artistic.
HUNTER OF ARTEMIS
You dislike boys in general.
You have a way with tools.
Every guy/girl swoons for you. Lots of guys do.
You like pickpocketing your friends. (Check your pockets ;D)
You’re the life of the party.
I do believe I am a sun of Hermes. I was serious about that "Check your pockets" statement.
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.
When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says "I love you." she means it.
When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.
The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.
The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.".
If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.
If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.
Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.
Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.
So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.
Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.
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