I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! ANYTHING I HAVE MADE A FANFICTION ABOUT IS OWNED BY THE VARIOUS WRITERS OF THESE WONDERFULL CREATIONS WE CALL BOOKS! I ONLY OWN THE PLOT LINE I MAKE UP AND ANY CHARACTERS I MAKE UP! THIS IS SO OBVIOUS I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M EVEN WRITING THIS!

The Twelve Statements of Truth

1. You are reading this.

2. You are still reading this.

4. You are beginning to think this is a waste of your time.

5. You did not realize that there was no 3.

6. You just checked to see.

7. You are smiling.

8. Your smile just got bigger.

9. You've stopped smiling so that I will be wrong.

11. You think that this is totally weird, a waste of your time, and cool at the same time.

12. You didn't realize that there was no 10.

13. You just checked.

14. And now you're smiling again.

11 Things To Know About Me:

1. I'm 14.

2. I love full stops.

3. I hate potatoes unless they're in crisps or chips.

4. I'm from Essex but (*gasp*) do not fake tan.

5. I chatter when I'm confused.

6. I have all the initiative of a blonde.

7. I actually have a friend who is blonde, and she's cleverer than me. By a lot.

8. I have the worlds most out of control curly brown hair.

9. I am convinced clumsy people like me should have a competition for the Clumsy Cup.

10. I do not drink coffee or alcohol because I simply do not want to.

11. Guess what? I read fanfiction all the time. It's an obsession that's eating my brain.

I want to enrich your life and make all your troubles go away, and give you the gift of an unending source of fun and amusement. Find a swivel chair (if you don't have one, die) and find a big space and have someone push you round till you've gained some speed. Then you let go, you hold out your arms, and then you pull into a ball position and IT IS GOES REALLY FAST. Ta da. Everlasting joy!

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fan fiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it.

2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses.

3. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting.

4. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Thou shalt not switch randomly.

5. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fan fiction. It is probably rather hilarious.

6. Thou shalt not use emoticons such as :-) in a fan fiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character.

7. Thou shalt try to keep characters in character!

8. Thou shalt not treat every criticism as a flame.

9. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

10. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary.

11. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length.

12. Thou shall not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and that thou are perfect in every way, but our eyes wilt burn to read about how you end up with the main character.

13. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning.

14. Thou shalt not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

15. Thou shalt show and not tell.

16. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers.

17. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise.

18. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed.

19. Thou art not EVER to make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason.

20. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and makes angels weep.

21. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before thou write the fic. If thou can not, thou shall USE WIKI OR BE SMITE FROM THY EARTH.

22. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses.

23. Thou shalt never exclaim 'im good at gramar' on thy beta reading profile, or thy will be subject to fan fiction damnation.