Poll: I'm Missing Bargain hunt. What shall I have for Lunch? Maybe some chips. Do do do dooo. Who would I rather be? Spongebob or Mr. T? I want a butler space monkey. Coz I'm the Queeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeen! The queen's national anthem by Russell Howard. But who would you rather be? Spongebob or Mr. T? Vote Now!
Author has written 10 stories for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, TimeRiders series, Alex Scarrow, Twilight, and Supernatural.
HEY! Welcome to my profile, humble minions! Let the Games begin!
My brain is like lightning; one flash and it's gone.
"Me I'm dishonest, and a dishonest person you can always trust to be dishonest, honestly. It's the honest ones you oughtta watch out for because you never know when they are gonna do something incredibly...stupid."- Captian Jack Sparrow
"Alright, I confess. It is my intention to comandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasley black guts out."-Jack Sparrow
"Cuttlefish, Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish, flipping glorious little sausages..."-Jack Sparrow.
"You know, for all that pirates are clever-called, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things."
"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised, and you get to die for it just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really...except for Elizabeth who is in fact a woman." -Jack Sparrow
"IF WE DIE FOR THEM I'LL KILL YOU HARRY!" - Ron Weasley
"STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!" -Jack Sparrow
'Because I laugh in the face of instructions'- Lee Mack (Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
"A story must be told, or there'll be no story, yet it is the untold stories that are most moving." - J.R.R Tolkien
I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter (or The Power of Five), who can express herself better with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.
NORMAL PEOPLE: Go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
NORMAL PEOPLE: Say shut up or I'll tell on you!
NORMAL PEOPLE: Think that vampires are all like Dracula
NORMAL PEOPLE: Get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
NORMAL PEOPLE: Would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
NORMAL PEOPLE:Dont have this on there profile
You say Twilight,
This is Bunny.
Copy and paste Bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination!
If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
Rules of Hogwarts
1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms
2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss
5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"
9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches
12) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"
13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor
15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental
16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"
19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" everytime I apparate.
20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.
21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.
24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.
25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".
28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.
29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.
30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.
31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.
34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.
35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.
42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".
43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.
46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. "
47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.
48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.
50.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.
51.)Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
52.)I may not have a private army.
53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.
54.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
55.)I am not the wicked witch of the west.
56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.
57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.
58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.
59.)I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.
60.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.
61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
62.) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.
63.) - Especially not all of them at once.
64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."
65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."
66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.
68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.
69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.
70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.
71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.
73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.
74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.
76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.
78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.
79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.
80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.
81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".
83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.
84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.
85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.
86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.
87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.
88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.
89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.
90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
91.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade
92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry
93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall
94.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
95.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
96.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
97.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
98.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
99.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
100.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
101.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
102.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
103.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
104.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
105.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
106.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."
107.) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
108.) I will not call Professor McGonagall "McGoogles".
109.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams.
110.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
111.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.
112.) My name is not "the Dark Lord Happy-Pants" I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
113.) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
114.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.
115.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
116.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
117.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.
118.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
119.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car.
120.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.
121.) When fighting deatheaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout "There can only be ONE".
122.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.
123.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.
124.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.
125.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.
126.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
127.) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak
128.) The order of the phoenix is not the autobots
129.)- not are the deatheaters the decepticons.
130.) Adding "-us" to the end of a word does not make it a spell.
131.)-Neither does adding "izzle".
132.)If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell "MORPHIN' TIME!" every time I change.
133.)- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.
134.) Every time I see a dementor, I will not go, "Ssssssssshire...Bagginsssss".
135.) - or "The Shire/Frodo is That Way!"
136.) Every time I see Dobby I will not say something about 'master' or 'Precioussssss'.
137.)"Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo" is not a transfiguration spell.
138.)Neither is "Oo ee, oo ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang"
139.)Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.
140.)-So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.
141.) I will stop sending Professor Snape forged love notes that appear to be from Professor Lupin.
142.)I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather.
143.)-Nor will I ask her if she is Catwoman in disguise.
144.)Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.
145.)I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"
146.)My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf."
147.)I am not a sloth Animagus.
148.)I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.
149.) I will not sing "who let the dogs out" to Remus Lupin.
150.) - No matter how much Fred and George pay me.
151.) I will not refer to Umbridge as " Susan Boyle."
152.) Dumbledore is not Zeus.
153.)- nor will I ask him if he knows Percy Jackson and if Voldemort is Kronos.
154.) I will not claim the Weasleys have " Gingeritus."
155.) Crookshanks is not a mini aslan.
If you join the dark side there is a good chance you will not die in my hands (the cookies are pretty good too!)
Why is the word abbreviation so long? You Know You're an Author If: You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!) You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?') When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean take out someone's liver?') After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine. You've ever stuck a big word into a sentance after a dumb word (e.g. 'College is so, like, totally daunting') Your vacation is ruined because you forgot your laptop at home and just discovered an amazing plot for a story. You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and
You Know You're an Author If:
You talk to yourself a lot. (e.g. Hmm, what would happen if it was sunny the day Bella got hit by the van? Oh, story idea!! Must get computer!)
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean take out someone's liver?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine.
You've ever stuck a big word into a sentance after a dumb word (e.g. 'College is so, like, totally daunting')
Your vacation is ruined because you forgot your laptop at home and just discovered an amazing plot for a story.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil andpaper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You correct spelling problems and various mistakes on the worksheets your teachers pass out. You want to type one thing to someone, but then end up writing a novel. That short story your english teacher assigned you to write came out as a 30-page story compared to the 5-page tales everyone else did. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. (All the time. You don't even know!) You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (Actually this does not aply but w.e.)
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You correct spelling problems and various mistakes on the worksheets your teachers pass out.
You want to type one thing to someone, but then end up writing a novel.
That short story your english teacher assigned you to write came out as a 30-page story compared to the 5-page tales everyone else did.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. (All the time. You don't even know!)
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (Actually this does not aply but w.e.)
I am worse than evil! I am an author! (So therefore by the rules of Inkheart I'm an insufferable asshole with a god complex. Wheeeeeee!)
OAP Texting Codes:
Give me the coffee or the protagonist dies!
Where else to find me:
Unsafe External Link