NOTE: IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS A COPY OF AYIEN'S FIC WHEN BLUE MEETS GREY, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME! She's lost the fic and no longer plans to continue it anyway, and I forgot to put it on Word before it vanished. It's a Star Wars/Gundam Wing crossover with a Heero/Anakin pairing. Also, I NEED A COPY OF FOLLOW ME INTO SHADOW, by shinchansgirl. She's taken it offline so she can rewrite it and publish it as a real story, and while I wish her the best (and will beg to be first in line when it comes out!), I really love the HP version and want to keep a copy of my own. So please, please, please send it to me if you have it! Thanks!

(Here's where my sarcasm shines, because if I do this in a review people think I'm flaming them)

Mistakes fanfic authors should never make:

When someone is really skinny they are 'emaciated' NOT 'emancipated' - emancipation is when a teenager petitions the government to become a legal adult before legal age, usually to escape abuse, etc. Screwing these two up is ridiculous.

Watch your double ffs! For example, it is 'awful' not 'awfful', 'often' not 'offten', 'different' not 'diferent', etc.

Do NOT write 'faithful day' instead of 'fateful'

'Incredibly' (as in 'amazingly') not 'incredulously'

'definitely' not 'defiantly' when you say something 'definitely' happened. The other is used for, like, someone speaking 'defiantly' to her father.

'Prologue' NOT 'prolog' or 'prolong' - to 'prolong' is to make something last longer, possibly to put off doing something

'Mating' is, essentially, what animals do to make little animals. 'Matting' is what happens when you don't brush your dog's fur.

When a character thinks someone is dangerous to him/her, there is a 'wary' look in his/her eyes, NOT a 'weary' one

There is NO SUCH WORD as 'ironical' - there is 'irony' and 'ironic' though

It is 'Voldemort' NOT 'Voldermort'

A 'vein' is the thing that holds your blood in your body. One can cry 'in vain' and it will fix nothing. Finally, the direction of the wind can be determined by a weather'vane'

'per se' not 'per say'

'summary' not 'summery'

He may have 'practically' blown up the building, but 'practicality' is a different word altogether, and it means acutal rather than theoretical use.

He will be 'sorely' missed; not 'sourly' - Snape says things 'sourly' when he's forced to concede that Harry isn't an idiot.

'Parseltongue' and 'parselmouth'

Either 'Milord' or 'My lord' NOT 'Mylord'; it's not a word, and I don't care if you think it is. It isn't.

'Poppy Pomfrey' is the Mediwitch/Healer at Hogwarts, not Professor Pomona Sprout - that's the Head of Hufflepuff House and the Herbology teacher.

'Grimmauld' not 'Grimwauld', 'Grimmall', or anything else you people think up

'Lucius' NOT 'Luscious' - luscious is what you call moist fruit

'Alastor' (Mad-Eye) Moody, not 'Alistair'

'Aurors' are wizarding police, not 'Auras' or 'Auroras'

People 'writhe' in pain or pleasure, they do not 'wraithe' or 'wither' - dear god, they do not wither; that's what plants do

Harry Potter has green eyes, messy black hair, knobby knees, really huge muggle clothes, and a scar in the CENTER of his forehead. Unless you plan to explicitly follow the movie story line, please get the basics right

At least in the first few years of the Harry Potter books, Slytherin had no girls on their Quidditch team

Oh, and it's 'quidditch' not 'quittitch' or 'quidage'

NO ONE can say things 'silently' - quietly, yes, but not 'silently' - silence implies no noise

'Gryffindor' NOT 'Grifindoor' or any other weird mix-ups

Ditto for 'Slytherin', 'Hufflepuff', and 'Ravenclaw'

'McGonagall'

'Dursley'

'Weasley'

'Dumbledore'

Oh, and for the love of all that's holy, it is BLAISE ZABINI, not Blaze Zambini!

Since we seem to have a name mix-up trend going here, let's round it off with some general good advice - when writing the names, freaking take a look at how they're spelled first! You can find plenty of archives online even if you do not own the books.

I don't think foxes purr, though I'm open to being proven wrong. BTW, do they 'mew'? Because a lot of authors seem to think so...

Watch your 'thigh' and 'thy'; you use 'thy' when you say something like 'thy name is Gandalf'. A 'thigh' is a body part

'heir' not 'hair' when you're talking about 'the heir to the fortune'

'they're' means 'they are'; 'their' means 'it belongs to that group of people'; 'there' is 'it is over there'

'you're' means 'you are'; 'your' means 'it belongs to you'

'ridiculous' not 'ridiculos' or 'ridicules' - 'ridicules' means to mock someone/thing or to otherwise insult. Ridiculous is how Snape looked in Neville's grandmother's dress.

I can 'pour' a glass of milk. If I have no money, I am 'poor'

'curious' (even though 'curiosity' killed the cat) not 'curios' unless you are referring to something like antiques; then you may actually want the word 'curio'

His face is 'scarred' when he has scars. If he is 'scared', he is frightened

Animals have 'paws' not 'pawns'. A pawn is the smallest piece in chess.

To 'gape' is to have your jaw drop in shock, etc. Therefore, he 'gaped' at the enormous building, NOT 'gapped'. Adding an extra 'p' changes the word sound from ape (sharp 'a' like in 'ate') to app (lower-sounding 'a' like in 'apple'). The Gap is a store.

Following the same rule, 'rape' can be used in the word 'raping' not 'rapping'; rapping is when you knock on a door or sing along to rap music. Similarly, it's 'raped' not 'rapped'

Just for argument's sake, it's really hard to actually 'growl' anything, have you noticed? Or 'snarl'. (Though I have no room to talk, as I like to use both.)

You can't just write '"Let's be friends," Naruto"; you actually need to have "'Let's be friends,' Naruto said," or something similar

In Harry Potter, 'Stupefy' knocks people out. 'Petrificus Totalus' merely immobilizes them by freezing the body and locking all limbs together. You can hear and see things under Petrificus Totalus; you cannot under Stupefy. And while we're on the topic, pay attention to how those were spelled.

'Expelliarmus' is the disarming spell, in which the wand flies from the enemy's hand and the enemy is knocked backwards with great force.

'Expecto Patronum' is the Patronus Charm, which repels both Dementors and Lethifolds. More than one patronus equals 'patroni' not 'patronuses'. A corporeal patronus is one that takes a solid form. Harry's takes the form of a stag (his father); Snape's takes the form of a doe (Lily Potter).

In Harry Potter, WWW = Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

I can 'throw' a ball, but I cannot 'through' it, and vice versa.

If you're going to have the characters play a card game in a Yu-Gi-Oh fic, you may want to check up on the actual card game's rules, because the TV show? Yeah, there are no rules in the TV show. Didn't you notice? They can summon three monsters in one turn on TV!! And some monsters with no special abilities suddenly seem to gain them. And don't trust the video games either. A lot of them are just messed up as far as rules go.

At least in the HP books, dementors can't fly; they just glide.

Please, please, please - check the average height for people in their native countries BEFORE you write about a 5'1" 10-year-old and then call him/her 'short' for his/her age. I've checked, and 4'9" is average-ish for the USA and Britain.

In Gundam Wing, it seems to be implied that the only person Quatre's Uchuu no Kokoro (Space Heart) feels is Heero, and he only feels momentous events. Although it can be fun to call him an 'empath', he doesn't actually seem to pick up all feelings from everyone around him.

Gundam Pilots and Naruto ninja characters seem to be very strong. Unless they are already severely injured or previously handicapped (like a stun grenade went off and they're now in chains), it's really not very believable that civilians can physically harm them post-training. The only excuses for that kind of thing are, generally: 1) they were never trained and the fic is AU, and 2) there is an emotional block of conditioned fear preventing them from reacting in that situation.

'Leukaemia'

In Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru wears a 'mokomoko-sama', although it is debatable whether it is actually a boa, if it's his tail, or if it's a demon entity that's attached to him. It can move though, so...

Skele-grow does not repair broken bones, as far as I know. It re-grows bones; as in, you were missing some.

Although I'm obviously not doing it here all the time, periods come after every sentence. Unless you're using question marks, exclamation points, colons, or semicolons.

Also after every sentence, you start the next sentence with the first word capitalized. Like that.

It would take a long time to properly explain commas and how to use punctuation at the end of quotation marks, but please take the time to learn it. For one thing, don't use "So you called for me Kaiba? How amusing." said Yami. It is, "So you called for me, Kaiba? How amusing," said Yami.

Just a pointer to potential grammar freaks (like me): there are several possible spellings for many Anime characters' names. For example, both 'Yugi Moto' and 'Yuugi Motou' (and 'Mutu') are correct. Similarly, Heero from Gundam Wing can be spelled 'Hiiro' as well. So if you see a name spelled differently, I suggest politely asking the author if this is a correct alternate spelling or a typo while indicating that you've never seen it spelled that way before. It can decrease mix-ups and embarrassing e-mail harrassment from someone who thinks you're a stuck-up prig of a flamer.

Another pointer, to everyone in general, is that fics marked Yaoi, Yuri, shounen-ai (shonen-ai), and shoujo-ai (shojo-ai) are all indicators that the fic contains homosexual content/references, etc. So now homophobes can avoid these and yaoi/yuri authors can relax as fewer people flame them (hopefully).

Ah, and as an etiquette point - don't flame someone just because their fic seems to indicate that they hold different moral values. It just makes you look bad and it's rude. Besides which, I know someone who wrote something that sounded really morally horrible who didn't actually hold the values in the fic at all; they were just bringing them up as part of the plot. Brilliant really; I could never write characters so completely morally opposite me as well as that author did.

Oh, and you can't put http addresses in actual fics; fanfiction.net screens for this and just deletes the whole thing. What most people do is put lots of spaces in the address so it doesn't look like an address to the computer. OK?

I can be 'quite' busy, and when I'm sneaky I can be 'quiet', but please remember they mean different things and are thus spelled differently.

A 'doe' is a female deer, so 'does' is the plural form and means female deer (please note it is not 'deers'). 'Does' is also another form of 'do', as in: Does your father know you're doing this? Don't use 'duz'. 'Dose' is like: I am giving him a dose of his own medicine. 'Doos' is not a word. 'Doze' is kind of like a nap.

If you shorten words into slang, you may need to use an apostrophe. For example: 'cos or 'cuz (for 'because'), y'know, I dun' know...etc.

When using acronyms, it's best to use the full name initially and then make it an acronym. Ex: The American Red Cross (ARC) - and then every time you say ARC after that, people will know what you're talking about.

'A lot'. Not 'alot'.

The Malfoys live in a 'manor' not a 'manner'. A manner is a behavior or a description of polite behavior - for example, 'he affected a pretentious manner', or 'his manners were impeccable'

'clothes' are what you wear. A bag of 'cloths' is fabric, basically. Possibly washcloths or just scraps.

'Affect' is passive, 'effect' is active. "I affected a careless attitude" means I feigned a careless attitude - pretended. "Cause and effect" means the difference between making something happen directly and making it happen as an accident or as part of something else outside that particular happening.

A 'vile' person is a nasty one. A 'vial' or 'phial' is a glass tube/bottle you put stuff like chemicals/potions in.

If anyone has any other common mistakes they'd like to share, let me know and I'll probably post them here!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school, he told his friends that it was cool , and when he pulled the trigger back it shot with a great crack! Mummy I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold. But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another, and all because he got the gun from his older brother. Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much, and please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush, and tell my little sister that she is the only one now, and tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now. Please tell my friends that they were always the best, Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest. Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class, and never to forget this and please don't let this pass. Mummy why'd it have to be me? It's against out every wish. Mummy warn the others that I left without a kiss. And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try, and tell them I still thank them, for the tears they cried. Mummy I'm dying here with a bullet in my chest, but mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest. Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack, but even though I ran, I won't be coming back. I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with daddy on our trip to the zoo. I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress...Mummy I wanted to live. But mummy I must go now the time is getting late, Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry I missed our date. I love you mummy I always have, I know you know it's true, Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you".

In memory of the Columbine students that were lost. For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Quotes:
1. “Twice and twice shall he be marked;
Twice to live, and twice to die.
Once the heron, to set his path;
Twice the heron, to name him true.
Once the dragon, for remembrance lost;
Twice the dragon, for the price he must pay.” – Robert Jordan; a prophecy of the Dragon Reborn in his Wheel of Time series, book two, The Great Hunt.

2. “Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.” – Unknown.

3. “The shortest distance between two points is under construction.” – Noelie Altito.

4. “Wit is cultured insolence.” – Aristotle.

5. “Suppose you’re in a hypothetical situation…” – Steve Wechsler.

6. “Illiterate? Write for help!” – Anonymous.

7. “It’s a control freak thing. I wouldn’t let you understand.” – S.H. Underwood.

8. “Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” – E.B. White.

(I got the next few off some signs at a souvenir shop)
1. “Home sweet home is far from this dump.”

2. “Some days I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.”

3. “Friends are there to hear the song in my heart and clue me into it when my memory fails.”

4. “When I get the urge to clean, I lay down until it passes.”

5. "A university professor set an examination question in which he asked the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A to a student who answered: 'I don't know and I don't care.'" - Richard Pratt (I got it off of Sea Chelle; her other ones are really good too)

6. "I have PMS and a gun. EXCUSE ME. You were saying?"

7. "I can go from chick to BITCH in 3.5 seconds!"

8. "If all the world's a stage, then men need better roles."

9. "It's been lovely, but I have to SCREAM now."

10. "To love another person is to see the face of God." - Les Miserables, disc 2 on the CD

11. "God did not create men and women equal...don't worry; give him time, and he'll evolve."

12. "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"

13. "But Ocifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!"

14. "Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again."

15. "I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking."

16. "All bow your heads for the man's prayer:
I'm a man, but I can change.
If I have to.
I guess." - Red Green show, weekly, PBS

17. "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."

18. "It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?"

19. "Suicide is a way of telling God: 'You can't fire me, I QUIT!'"

20. "This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence."

21. "You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me."

22. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

23. "'Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit' as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot."

24. "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."

25. "My goal in life is to hurt you, severely. Come here..."

26. "That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again."

27. "I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert."

28. "I hear voices, and they don't like you."

29. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

30. "If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished."

31. "This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force."

32. "He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged."

33. "For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

34. "Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else."

35. "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

36. "If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!"

37. "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems."

38. "I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever."

39. "How little do they see what is, who frame hasty judgments upon that which seems."

40. "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

41. "They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles!"

42. "Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he can only do little."

43. "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

44. "Like in Star Trek, the guy in the red suit always gets it."

45. “I like my men young, cute and sexually ambiguous.”

46. "We're told to go on living out lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?" - Ellen DeGeneres, hosting the Emmy Awards TV Show, November 4, 2001

48. "Come away, O human child: To the waters and the wild with a Faery, hand in hand, for the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand."

49. "You must open your eyes to see, open your mouth to speak, and open you ears to hear...why is it so hard to believe you must open your heart before you can feel?"

50. "If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination." - l8rg8r123

51. "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic." - l8rg8r123

52. "You can't be late until you show up." - l8rg8r123

53. "Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - l8rg8r123

54. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - l8rg8r123

55. "If I throw a stick, will you go away?" - l8rg8r123

56. "I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV." - l8rg8r123

57. "If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague." - l8rg8r123

58. "Did you ever hear anyone say, "That work had better be banned because I might read it and it might be very damaging to me?"" - Joseph Henry Jackson

59. "Assassination is the extreme form of censorship." - George Bernard Shaw, "The Rejected Statement, Part I," The Shewing-Up of Blanco Posnet, 1911

60. "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire

61. Woman's Need calls me,

As Woman's Need made me,

Her Need will I answer,

As my maker bade me. - Inscribed on the sword Need, By the Sword, by Mercedes Lackey

62. Small spider weave on a silver sleeve

Oh weave your grey web nearer

From a golden crown let your silk hang down

For lost, lost, lost is the wearer - Spindle's End, by Robin McKinley

63. The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. - Lynn Lavner

Fanfic Quotes:

1. This is Molly. Molly is my "Personal Assistant". Well, that is her title, anyway. Her job description is more like "Making sure that Sakuma Ryuichi doesn't end up dead in a puddle of his own drool". - Sakuma-san, Pianissimo Butterfly

2. Yes. I am 33 years old, and I need a babysitter. - Sakuma-san, Pianissimo Butterfly

3. "No overexerting yourself. This means keeping the things you do at a bare minimum. Oh, don’t whine—yes, you can still do the laundry! Gods, but you’re obsessive." - Kaoru to Kenshin, A Stork For Sessha

4. "I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - Draco Malfoy, A Wet Tale

5. "That one's addressed to you. I knew there was no reason for a psycho to stalk me when I hang around you all the time. This is more reasonable." - Shinji to Kamio, Magic of Tennis

6. That simple meow was enough to change him from cocky little punk snarking off to his senpai into adorable fourteen-year-old who loves his kitty cat. - Magic of Tennis

7. "There is a 75 percent chance Kaidoh is lurking on the other side of the clubhouse to avoid being spotted by Echizen's cat." - Inui, Magic of Tennis

8. "Yuuta's brother." - Shinji, Magic of Tennis

9. "I’ll tell you when you’re older, Ken-kun." - Omi, Summer Dreams

10. "NO, you can NOT shower with me." - Heero to Duo, Duo's Inbox

11. "At your request, I’ve stopped suggesting to Ryuichi that he go play in traffic. I honestly didn’t know he would actually do it." - Yuki, 100 Ways

12. "I got you a houseplant as a pet. In retrospect, I should not have told you that plants like to be talked to. Do we really have to go over the concept of an “inside voice” again? I have also avoided the temptation to replace the plant with a dead one and tell you that your voice was responsible." - Yuki, 100 Ways

13. "She started adding it after I turned six and ate the dog." - Harry Potter, The Curse of Fate

14. "What do you want, freak?" the beefy man asked petulantly.

"Oh, the world, for one," Harry replied playfully. "You lot cowering at my feet. Certain people's heads on pikes. A blood bank to spontaneously open next door. Socks for Christmas. My photo album which now technically never existed full of pictures of people losing bets; Severus doing twirls in the red and gold tutu most notably. To see a random Death Eater attempt to breach the wards by running at them really fast. Quirrel to drop dead of testicle rot before I begin school and Lockhart to be mauled savagely by angry pixies. Oh, how ironic that would be." - Harry and Vernon, The Curse of Fate

15. Soon, the position as tutor to Lord Potter became known as a cursed one as no one had lasted more than a week. One man even died, though Harry steadfastly maintained he had a heart attack in the night. - The Curse of Fate

16. "I mean, he's American, and you know how they are..." - Ron Weasley, Never say let go

17. "I'LL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR GOAT LOVING BROTHER AND WHAT HIS INAPPROPRIATE CHARMS REALLY WERE!" - Petunia Dursley to Dumbledore, The Curse of Fate

18. "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and the purpose of your visit," the cheery witch's voice announced to the six wizards tightly packed into the red telephone box.

"Death Eaters," Lucius said with a hint of amusement. "We're here to kill you." Dolohov had the audacity to smack him on the arm. The amusement in his voice vanished with a shocked exclamation of, "Ow! What was that for, you idiot?"

"They're never gonna let us in now!" the man replied as if it were obvious.

"O' ye of little faith," Lucius smirked at him. "I think I know the Ministry a bit better than you."

Sure enough, to the surprise of everyone except Lucius, the voice thanked them, wished them a good day and a silver badge dropped down. Dolohov picked it up in wonder and read it aloud. "Death Eaters. Here to kill you." He blinked at Lucius from behind his mask. "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle." - The Curse of Fate

19. Severus Snape would not under any circumstance become a man who shrugs… even if it was beginning to look like he was the kind of person who held meaningful conversations with owls. - My Dear Boy

20. "Ah!" Ollivander exclaimed upon spotting the Malfoy patriarch. "Lucius Malfoy! Cocobolo and Ebony, dragon heartstring, fifteen inches! A very passionate wand!"

Lucius stiffened and paled.

"Yes, yes," the old man continued. "A rare creation. Within it courses the energy of desire, sexuality, ambition, adventure, even rage! A very masculine wand!"

"Do you have to say that every time I so much as pass by your shop, you old pervert!?" Lucius growled. - The Curse of Fate

21. "Don't bother," a man's voice growled, interrupting the frantic pounding. "It's charmed against intrusion."

"Well, what do you suggest then?" Minerva shot back and only silence answered. The pounding resumed. "Albus! Let us in!" A brief moment's pause. "There's chaos in the Great Hall!" Another pause. "There are Weasleys loose in the dungeons!" No response. "The house-elves have gone on strike!" Still no response. "They're getting drunk and turning each other into llamas!"

A quiet chuckle from her companion. "Llamas?"

"Be quiet, Severus!" she snapped angrily. The headmaster was in for it when she finally got in there. "I need to talk to you, damn it! Let me in!" Oh boy, was he in for it. She was swearing now.

"Let him pout." Severus countered with a verbal shrug. "I've got a potion that'll melt the door off it's hinges, wards and all."

Fawkes let out an angry squawk and Albus' head shot up. "No!" he yelled frantically. "That door was charmed and warded by Godric Gryffindor himself!" If he let Severus melt it, he'd be bird food! - The Curse of Fate

22. "I’ve watched you play more hours of Final Fantasy than I think is healthy. And I’m sorry I offended you. Of course the logical thing to do after saving the world and losing your imaginary boyfriend is to become a pop star." - Yuki, 100 Ways

23. "I’m slowly growing accustomed to the things that follow you home. Like Hiro. Seriously, why can’t you have dork recess at his place?" - Yuki, 100 Ways

24. "When I’m bored, I no longer write “Deceased” across random articles of your fan mail and send it back. Surprising to find out that your fan base knows how to read." - Yuki, 100 Ways

25. "Purikura also adorns my lighter. Reminds me of why I need to continue smoking and shorten my lifespan, since I seem to be stuck with you." - Yuki, 100 Ways

26. "In my spare time, I follow the rumors posted about you on the Internet. I also start them. Incidentally, the next time a photographer asks you to show him your tail, it might not be a figure of speech." - Yuki, 100 Ways

27. "You are, without a doubt, the worst driver in the entire United States. Why we haven't been killed is beyond me. You've run three red lights, stripped your gears six times, and popped the clutch, unintentionally, I might add, twice, and we've driven less than a mile. I have no intention of dying on some godforsaken highway in the middle of Bumfuck, Arizona, because you can't drive a truck. Either let me out and I'll hitchhike to the diner, or you let me drive. There is no negotiation on this issue." - Hary to Snape, Snape: The Home Fries Nazi

28. He snorted silently at the use of the word conform. As if "conform to mine" wasn't Snape for "Fuck you, there's yoghurt or nothing." - Snape: The Home Fries Nazi

29. When Harry ventured a question about why film noir, Snape replied, "It is visually stunning and inevitably several people get killed, if not killed then betrayed, and if they aren't dead by the end, they wish they were."

"Sort of like the last thirty years of your life?"

"Exactly, Mr. Potter." Snape raised the eyebrow. "Do you expect me to watch Disney films?"

"Bambi's mother gets killed."

"Good. I dislike venison." - Snape: The Home Fries Nazi

30. “Yeah, well, fighting is pretty fun, but sex is better. They both relieve tension, but sex doesn’t leave you with quite so many cuts and bruises.” Duo grinned. “Unless he’s feeling really energetic or you’ve forgotten to make sure he’s completely unarmed.” - Duo talking about Heero, Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest

31. Heero walked around the animal, looking it over. Then he stopped right in front of the horse’s nose, caught it by the bridle and turned its head a little to one side so he could look directly into one of its large brown eyes. “Let’s have an understanding,” he said. “You’re the horse; I’m the rider. I’m in charge. You do what I say without any nonsense and we’ll get along just great. If not, we may have to have a discussion.” - Heero to his horse, Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest

32. In shock, Draco curled in on himself, watching through someone else’s eyes as Harry was taken away. - Draco's Boy

33. “Stop calling me ‘Sir’,” Heero muttered. “I recognize that you all think I’m great. Just use my name.” - Gundam Wing and the Men of Sherwood Forest

34. "With signs on our fronts that say 'Gundam Pilot: Shoot Here For Maximum Blood Loss'." - Duo, Lost in Shadow

35. "Ah, don't sweat it. We've survived OZ, Rome-Feller, and Mariemaia; how much harm could it possibly do?"

"We'll be certain and carve that on your tombstone," interjected Wufei. - Wufei and Duo, on the subject of Duo popping his back, Lost in Shadow

36. The twins seemed to adopt Harry as either a little brother or a pet. Harry wasn't sure which. - The Curse of Fate

37. "Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation?"

Heero frowned. "Do you want the information or not?" - Magicians of Gundam Wing

38. "By the way, Vice Minister Darlian is on her way to L1. She may be there already. She seems to have an uncanny knack for figuring out where you are. That day you guys were missing, she barged into my office insisting you were dead because she couldn’t ‘feel’ you. She’s got some kind of built in Heero Sensor Tracking System." - Magicians of Gundam Wing

39. Duo leered suggestively at Heero. "Hey Heero, interested in a trying it with a girl again? I promise not to tell Relena."

Heero paled. "Don’t say that name. She’ll hear you." - Gundam Wing in the Wild Wild West

40. Severus turned away from the table with a parting, "I'm going to murder something cute and fuzzy, drain it of all blood and hang its carcass outside the Gryffindor common room."

"Severus!" Minerva exclaimed, causing him to pause and look back. With a small smile, she murmured softly, "Hufflepuff, if you please." - The Curse of Fate

41. The urgency of the situation had been lost on Omi somewhere between 'Ken-kun's going to kill you' and 'Do you prefer English or Green tea, Aya-kun?' - Swap Meet

42. "OMI!" Aya yelled, gripping the couch while forcing himself not to strangle his superior. That would not look good on the job resume. - Swap Meet

43. "Snape has brought me back from the dead and is holding me prisoner in his house. Sounds mad, I know, but that's Snape for you. Please hurry, I'm afraid for my life. Or rather, my death. Not to mention my bottom. Just hurry. - Sirius Black" - Die A Little

44. Only Severus would come as close as he ever would to saying ‘I love you’ while glaring at the other person as if they were guilty of something. - Shadows Within the Light

45. Gryffindors were clueless. Utterly clueless. They should all be required by law to marry Slytherins -- because without someone with some sense of self-preservation to look after them they'd never survive alone in the world. - The Marriage Stone

46. Yesterday, Lucius would have been in precisely the same frame of mind as every other Death Eater, which was, if they’d had Potter in their power, they’d not so much present him to Voldemort with a “Look what I have brought for you, Master,” as much as shove him at the madman with a “Take him and shut UP, for fuck’s sake!” - Not So Black Or White

47. Voldemort will not be pleased...Voldemort can kiss his pale aristocratic arse. - Not So Black Or White

48. And no, we didn’t continually drop him on his head. It was only once, and Padfoot and I caught him halfway down anyway. - Remus Lupin, Harry's Sanity

49. "I don't know how to tell you this, mate, but you're a homicidal, insane teenager with magical powers that make Dumbledore jealous." - Seamus Finnigan, Harry's Sanity

50. “I’m not killing old McGonagall!” said Lucius. “I had a crush on her in third- It’s none of your business, Snape, get away from her!” He quickly shielded her with his body and shooed the slimy potions master away. - Broken Angel

51. Discipline and strict routines were all the boy would need. That was how he was raised during his teenage years, and he had turned out just fine. - Darth Vader, Force Bond 2: Threat

52. "Personally," Trowa continued, "I'm still trying to fit Heero Yuy having sex into my view of the world, I'll deal with the Treize Khushrenada angle later." - 13x1

53. Yugi sniffed. “Yami has a tendency of crushing peoples’ minds when they threaten me, or they die gory deaths.” Yugi stated dryly. “I don’t really believe he’s in any position to criticize anything you do.” - Yugi to Seto, Vacation Blues

54. There are times when the impossible happens. Making Kaiba laugh could be counted among them. - Vacation Blues

55. Dumbledore stepped out of the fireplace. He adjusted the belt to his red night robe trimmed in white fur and righted the matching hat on his head.

Unable to resist, Harry cocked his head to the side and said in his most childish voice, "Santa?" - The Curse of Fate

56. "...I've been sneaking off because I'm running my own personal army in a bid to take over the magical world and I haven't told you because you're an innocent child and I would not take that away from you for the world. I blame the 'pretty' on my father and I have fangs because I'm a vampire."

Harry watched in amusement as Hermione's eyes grew to the size of saucers. Reaching across the small table, he gently grasped her chin and closed her mouth. - The Curse of Fate

57. "BOOGA BOOGA!" Sirius shouted, leaping up from behind the sofa and pointing a neon green wand at him.

Nothing happened.

Severus blinked. "Black, what the hell..?"

"Booga!" squeaked his left shoe.

"Booga!" followed his right.

Severus glared. Sirius ran.

It was quite the sight to see. On par with the chase a little over a year before involving an enraged Malfoy and the very same Sirius Black, who seemed to have a knack for childishness and pissing off powerful individuals. Sirius ran around the room, leaping over furniture and cackling wildly. Severus chased after him, shooting relatively mild jinxes at the laughing man, his shoes squeaking "Booga!" cutely with every step. - The Curse of Fate

58. For the first time in ages, Severus felt the urge to curl up in a ball and sob his little black heart out. - The Curse of Fate

59. Pansy had drawn Theo, Dudley and Ron into a game of hide and seek, of all things. Dudley was hiding in a linen closet, Ron was under a bench in the small chapel off the side of the house and Theo was wandering lost in a secret passage unable to find the exit. Pansy was casually filing her nails and wondering how long it would take them to realize she wasn't going to look for them. - The Curse of Fate

60. But they did say if all else failed in parenting, there was always bribery. - Vader considering Luke, Force Bond: Family (Chapter 3)

61. Vader hesitated for a moment...The Emperor seemed to be implying he and his son were prone to drama-filled emotional meltdowns. It was hard to know whether to take it as an insult or simply accept it as the unfortunate truth. - Force Bond: Family (Chapter 4)

62. Snape snorted again, gracefully settling himself on the seat next to Harry. “Gentlemen,” he said smoothly, “while under the care of his relatives Harry lived in a cupboard under the stairs and was degraded on a daily basis. While at Hogwarts, this year alone he was turned into a child, physically assaulted by a friend, nearly drowned, forced to consume potions against his will, set on fire, and forced to face the Dark Lord. Harry has just told you that while under the care of Mr. Malfoy he successfully defeated the Dark Lord, gained a pet, spent quality time with a mother figure, and spent the afternoon consuming cookies and chocolate.” He raised an eyebrow, smiling sardonically. “Precisely which example seems deleterious to Mr. Potter’s well being?” - A Change In Perspective (Chapter 15)

63. House’s typical ‘it’s here therefore I deserve it’ response to all new shiny things promptly asserted itself. - A Conspiracy of Kindness (Chapter 3)

64. "You know what’s really scary? The most brilliant mind in the country lives on take-out, peanut butter, and vending machine fodder." - Wilson talking about House, A Conspiracy of Kindness (Chapter 10)

65. Perhaps I could start my own magazine, Vader thought. Sith parenting - a guide. What to do when your master wishes your son dead. How to fit in fatherhood with your Sith lifestyle. - Force Bond 2: Threat (Chapter 7)

66. “I am sorry!” Draco cried pitifully. “It wasn't even my idea! It was Harry's! I just wanted to cuddle!” - Draco explaining why he explored his kinky side with Harry, Duel of Shame (Chapter 1)

67. “Harry, you can't – absolutely can't - challenge a Dark Wizard to a duel every time your computer crashes and you lose your porn collection,” she whispered furiously. “You need to start backing up your hard-drive. I really mean it this time.” - Hermione to Harry, Duel of Shame (Chapter 1)

68. "Stop looking at me like that. It makes me want to give you a cookie." - Draco to Harry, A Change In Perspective (Chapter 12)

69. "Kenshin’s not dangerous.”

Kenshin scratched his head and considered that statement. “Miss Kaoru, that is incorrect. I am dangerous, but not to you, your family, your students, most of Tokyo…”

“Kenshin, you’re not helping.” - Three Daughters (Chapter 7)

70. How could he, who always thought rape was a heinous crime only committed by mentally unstable, antisocial perverts, have done such a thing...? - Sasuke, who in fact is a mentally unstable, antisocial pervert in Shirohane's fics, Virgin Road (Chapter 2)

71. "You gave up your dreams for him, a child terrorist without even a real name." - Duo talking to Trieze about Heero, 13x1 (Chapter 5)

72. “I was an acrobat," said Trowa. “I also trained the lions.”

“Dude, you wore spots, stripes and little yellow stars. You used make-up. Face it, you were a clown.” Duo chomped down on a chicken stripe before swallowing. “And you let your crazy sister throw sharp pointy objects at vulnerable parts of your body. So maybe you were a suicidal clown. That’s a redeemable quality.” - Just Another Perfect Soldier (Chapter 10)

73. “If I ever say yes to that man, promise you will shoot me.”

The request had been directed at Quatre, who frowned.

“I believe in pacifism, Harry.”

The dark-haired wizard shot him a disbelieving look, his eyes glancing down at the place on Quatre’s hip where he knew the blond kept his 9mm.

“I believe you’re in the wrong profession then.”

Quatre let out a small scowl, his brows dipping as Harry stalked forward silently. The blond wizard turned to his boyfriend.

“Why does everyone say that?”

Trowa wisely kept quiet. - Just Another Perfect Soldier (Chapter 13)

74. Harry heard muttering between the two other men on the bed. He looked at them to see what the hold up was and found them playing Rock Paper Scissors. "Excuse me but what the -bleep- are you doing?"

They looked at him and blushed, "We can't decide who should penetrate you first. So we decided to do it the manly way. Best two out of three." - Harry to Snape and Draco, Dear Penthouse (Chapter 2 at adultfanfiction)

75. Severus had felt rather outraged on behalf of his fictitious self. - Elementary Calculations (Chapter 9)

76. I am a fully trained wizard, very proficient in Dark Arts and their defense. I am not afraid of an eleven year old. A healthy dose of caution never hurt anyone. - Snape, reassuring himself that Harry won't hurt him, Elementary Calculations (Chapter 11)

77. "I have lost my wallet. I have lost my passport. I have lost my faith in the human race." - Harry, River of Dreams (Chapter 7)

78. He didn’t give up; he just became a paranoid lunatic. Now I feel so much better. - Snape, pondering Moody, River of Dreams (Chapter 20)

79. The boy stopped immediately, trying to look up at him without actually looking at him, more like a cowed dog than a boy. - A description of little boy Harry, An Act of Kindness (Chapter 1)

80. Yes, thingy. I am the god of description, I know, I know. Pikachu mused to himself. Bow down before me, weaklings. - No No Pokeball (Chapter 8)

81. “Kiss my not so shiny butt, jerk.” He muttered. “On second thought, that’s disgusting and an offence to my posterior. Go kiss a fish instead.” - No No Pokeball (Chapter 14)

82. They divide up their population in such a way that one fourth is automatically mistrusted from the time they are eleven, then wonder why the Slytherins would join someone set on taking the place over. - Elementary Calculations (Chapter 7)

83. “I remember being in my animagus form and you coming over, and then I remember you woke me up in the forest and…hey, you broke my arm!” - Sirius to Harry, Harry Potter and the Hero's Path (Chapter 17)

84. "Apparently up until about three thousand years ago when Dragons were much more prolific, their attraction to Wizarding magic led to quite a bit of interspecies breeding.”

“It’s frightening to think that’s even physically possible,” Draco said with a grimace.

Harry couldn’t stop himself, “Well can you imagine trying to say no?” - Radix Acclaro (Chapter 2)

85. Harry raised his eyebrows. “If people really think I’ve gone Dark just because I quit the Quidditch team, then you’re asking the wrong person if they’re crazy, Malfoy,” he said. - Serpens Armarum (Chapter 15)

86. "Sacrificial lamb," Ochi said, adjusting his glasses as he always did when making a pronouncement. He came to stand by Isumi's side, wearing a look Isumi had never seen on his face. It took a moment for him to place it. Curiosity. Ochi was actually curious about someone else. It was a remarkable step in his social development. - Brightly Burning (Chapter 5)

87. "Ashiwara is a solid player," Isumi felt compelled to say. "He actually likes playing Touya Akira."

"He's a glutton for punishment," Ochi replied a bit dryly. "He would probably enjoy being beaten with a stick if it made someone else happy." Was that a sense of humor showing? Isumi couldn't believe it. - Brightly Burning (Chapter 5)

88. Isumi had to repress a sigh. The older pro was talking like Saeki actually had a chance of beating Touya. Hope did spring eternal, especially if Ashiwara was around. - Brightly Burning (Chapter 5)

89. Amano tried to phrase it delicately. Most pros would have delighted in the possibility of Touya being blind sided, but Ashiwara had always been close to him and would probably try to protect him. "Since this is only a minor event, I think it'd be more interesting for them both to meet naturally, with no pre-conceived notions."

Ashiwara looked a bit like a landed fish. "But-"

"I think the next game is going to be a good one, but we shouldn't interfere with what's going to happen."

Ashiwara opened his mouth, shut it, then opened it again as he searched for his voice. "Isn't that a bit mean?" he asked finally. - Brightly Burning (Chapter 5)

90. “The Chinese Princess,” he read aloud. “Once upon a time…”

Half an hour later, when Harry was giving the story its second run through of the night, Neville poked his head round the curtains. He saw Harry sitting cross-legged, with a book in his lap and a trio of enraptured baby Black Desert Cobras on his left knee.

“I don’t think I want to know,” he said faintly. “Goodnight Harry. See you tomorrow.”

And he pulled his head back. Through the thick material, Harry saw his colours cross the room, and saw the colours of Ron, Seamus and Dean turn to him.

“What’s he doing?” Harry heard Ron ask.

“I think he’s reading them fairy stories,” Neville said dazedly.

There was a long pause. “Well,” Seamus said after a while. “So much for Parselmouths being evil.”

Harry grinned, and kept reading. - Serpens Armarum (Chapter 19)

91. "There is nothing I would rather do than live with you in the middle of nowhere with some of the most dangerous creatures to wander the earth basically on the front step." - Harry to Charlie, A DragonSized Problem

92. "It is likely Echizen has considered the benefits. He gets both a thoughtful and passionate lover, a strong martial-arts trained protector, as well as an unlimited supply of free sushi." - Echizen/Taka pairing, Burning Love

93. “Sometimes bravery is a quiet voice asking for help, when he doesn’t think he’ll receive it.” - Faint Hearted (Chapter 13)

94. His doctrine was simple, but subtle. By holding the enemy leadership directly accountable for their wars, by killing them first, he was ensuring that an enemy country would only start wars that the leaders were personally willing to die for. Ursura had seen many that got drunk on power and viewed the ninja beneath them as expendable.

Naruto was turning that upside down. He was viewing the lives of the foot soldiers, of the individual ninja, as more precious than the lives of the leaders. Something in that appealed to Ursura, something in that made her want to believe in the kid. - Spying no Jutsu (Chapter 12)

95. "...you’ll have to go through a lie detector first though…” (Duo)

“But this is a vid-phone… it won’t work through a vid-phone.” (Zechs)

“Trust me this one’ll work, this one’s got blonde hair, blue eyes and an uncanny knack for being able to tall when someone’s lying to him, in case you need another clue by the way it answers to Quatre Winner.” (Duo) - Duo uses Quatre to see if Zechs is lying, 13x1 (Chapter 4)

96. I’ve resisted the urge to slip tranquilizers in your drink for the last 437 days. - 100 Ways (Chapter 2)

97. I’ve spent precious extra minutes of my life not only leaving notes, but clarifying them. I now write “for a walk” or “to the market” after “gone.” Why have you still not learned when I’m kidding? I thought it was pretty funny that one time I added “forever.” - 100 Ways (Chapter 2)

98. “For the next 72 hours,” Itachi intoned, “I will slap you with this trout.” - Spying no Jutsu (Chapter 3)

99. ...a severed teddy bear’s head turned up in the morning post. - Kill Harry Potter (or the teddy bear gets it) (one-shot)

100. The little voice in the back of his head which preached the glorious message of self-preservation was screaming that provoking and mocking an internationally-acclaimed contract killer was stupid to the point of actual lunacy… but then, Wolf was in the SAS. He was paid not to listen to that little voice. - Spies, Lies and Confusion (an Alex Rider fanfic)

101. Snape was to education what Voldemort was to life insurance. - A Mistaken Sorting (Chapter 2)

102. "You took me hostage to save him? You could have just made an appointment." - Heero's doctor complaining, Gifts in Return (Chapter 1)

103. "At a time like this, it would be nice to have to support of my friends, but no, nobody cares that my boyfriend makes a nuclear warhead look like a Roman candle." - Duo complaining about Heero, Crashed (Chapter 2)

104. “That he tried to force you is nothing but a stain upon his own soul, and no fault of yours.” - in reference to attempted rape, Little Lord of the Home: Teaser (Chapter 5)

105. She realized that was just his ‘thinking’ expression. Evidently he found it painful. - Hinata contemplating Naruto, Team 8 (Chapter 4)

106. “Mother...” Hermione groaned, “You don't understand. This is Harry. He isn't capable of entering a potentially dangerous situation and not having it become the worst-case-scenario. - Protecting Family, (Chapter 6)

107. “There is one thing I must know,” Spock said, as he stood with quiet intensity across from his alternate self.

“Then you may inquire, although I cannot guarantee I will answer,” the older half-Vulcan replied.

“Romulus was to be destroyed because its sun was going supernova. Correct?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“And your plan was to prevent this by injecting red matter into the supernova before it could destroy the planet. Also correct?”

“Indeed.”

“May I ask how you intended for Romulus to then survive without its sun?”

“…No.” - Brain Matter (Chapter 10)