I'm looking for someone to beta for me! PM me for info.

http://www.alt-starfleet-rpg.org/misc/klingonnamegen.html Is how I got the names for Emily's story.

bigassmessage.com/5fc8a

Stories I want to do: Maybe a sequel to my story "You know?." ( Its a P&P story ) and more P&P stories.

I like Star Trek TOS TAS TNG DS9 VOY Star Trek Online startrekonline.com Find me! @ilovegorillas If you like my like my stories and play on STO (startrekonline) and have a Klingon character join my fleet! mail me @ilovegorillas .

Multitasking: I can multitask!!! (And be good at it!!!)
Favorite Shows: I Love Lucy, I Dream of Jeannie, Star Trek, TOS, TAS, TNG, DS9, VOY, Castle, The Dick Van Dyke Show.
Hobby: Watching TV and old movies...listening to music playing my Cello and swimming on the swim team
Music: Seabird, Cellofourte, Skillet, Reilly, and some Desi Arnaz.
Fav, Holiday: Christmas or Thanksgiving or My Birthday.
Fav, food: Orange's
Fav, color: Orange, Yellow, Purple, Green.
Fav, country: Joplin.
Fav, language: American Sign Language, Klingonese.
Race: Hew-Mon, Human American, Cherokee on my dad's side, Sioux on my mom's side.

Reviews? it means a lot to a writer when they know people are actually reading their stories, but its an even greater feeling when people tell them their thoughts about them.

Memory Alpha I am Worf Jadzia and Ezri Dax http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/User:Worf_Jadzia_and_Ezri_Dax

Please PM me your fave, Star Trek quotes! I'll put them on my profile page!

*Star Trek Quotes.*

"In the beginning, there is darkness – the emptiness of a matrix waiting for the light. Then a single photon flares into existence. Then another. Soon, thousands more. Optronic pathways connect, subroutines emerge from the chaos and a holographic consciousness is born." - The Doctor in 2378
"Who would have thought that this eclectic group of voyagers could actually become a family? Starfleet, Maquis, Klingon, Talaxian, Hologram, Borg, even Mr. Paris..."The Doctor - (VOY: "Year of Hell")
"What did he ingest?"
"Just a cup of Neelix's coffee."
"It's a miracle he's still alive..."- The Doctor and Torres (VOY: "Threshold")
"You claim that you're my friend but you don't even call me by my name."
"That's because you don't have a name."
"No name? That's ridiculous! I'm... My... I demand you tell me my name!"- The Doctor and Kes (VOY: "The Swarm")
"I'm a doctor, Mr. Neelix, not a decorator." The Doctor (VOY: "Phage")
"I'm a doctor, not a performer." The Doctor (VOY: "Investigations")
"I'm a doctor, not a peeping Tom, there's nothing I haven't seen before." The Doctor (When catching Lt. Torres in the sonic shower.) (VOY: "Drone")
"I'm a doctor, not a dragon-slayer." The Doctor (VOY: "Bliss")
"I'm a doctor, not a zoo-keeper." The Doctor (VOY: "Life Line")
"Am I really that interesting? You've been standing there staring at me for the last two hours."
"You are part of my combat team. I must learn to understand your behavior. Anticipate your actions."
"There must be something you'd rather do. Maybe get some sleep?"
"We don't sleep."
"How 'bout getting something to eat?"
"The white is the only thing we need."
"Don't sleep. Don't eat. What do you do for relaxation?"
"Relaxation would only make us weak."
"You people are no fun at all! Glad I'm not a Jem'Hadar woman..."
"There are no Jem'Hadar women."
"So what do you do... lay eggs?"
"Jem'Hadar are bred in birthing chambers. We are able to fight within three days of our emergence."
"Lucky you... so let me get this straight: No sleep. No food. No women. No wonder you're so angry. After thirty or forty years of that I'd be angry too."
"No Jem'Hadar has ever lived thirty years."
"How old are you?"
"I am eight."
"I would have guessed at least fifteen."
"Few Jem'Hadar live that long. If we reach twenty, we are considered Honored Elders... how old are you?"
"I stopped counting at three hundred."
(stunned) "You don't look it."
"Thank you." - Dax and Virak'kara
"As of this moment, we are all dead. We go into battle to reclaim our lives. This we do gladly, for we are Jem'Hadar. Remember: victory is life."(in unison)"Victory is life."- First Omet'iklan
"I am Chief Miles Edward O'Brien. I'm very much alive and I intend to stay that way."
"Amen. Let's get it done!"- O'Brien, to the Federation attack group after the Jem'Hadar war cry is first heard, and Sisko
"Worf, you're practically easygoing. What's next? A sense of humor?"
"I have a sense of humor! On the Enterprise I was considered to be quite amusing."
"That must have been one dull ship."
"That is a joke. I get it... it is not funny, but I get it." - Dax and Worf
"How are you enjoying your honeymoon? Are you suffering enough?"
"Almost."
"Anything I can get for you?"
"More pain, less cold. " - Dax and Worf
"A Klingon. Why do they have to send a Klingon?"
"I'm a Trill, does that make you feel any better?"
"Are you trying to be funny?"
"Not at all, he's the funny one." - Lasaran and Dax
"Think of it as a challenge."
"That's your obsession, Miles, not mine."
"Do it for the latinum."
"Nice try."
"Do it for the satisfaction of the look on Quark's face when he's beaten at a game of tongo by a lowly hew-mon."
"Deal the cards." - O'Brien and Bashir

*Quotes.*

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!
Never do anything you wouldn't want to have to explain to the paramedics.
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
"Do you want to know you your true friends are? Screw up and see who's still there."
"I'm the type of person who is nice to people I don't like just so I don't end up like them."
"Life is like photography, we take the negatives to develop."
"Things to do today: 1. Get up 2. Survive 3. Go back to bed."
"I'm a daughter hiding my depression. I'm a sister making a good impression. I'm the girl sitting next to you. I'm the one asking you to care. I'm your best friend, hoping you'll be there."
"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back, and let the world wonder how the hell you did it."
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
"Be a loser because 'cool' is overrated"
"One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."
"364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?"
"I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster."
"If a fork is made of gold, will it still be called silverware?"
"How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?"
"I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes."
"To put it nicely, I hope you choke."
"Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
"I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!"
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
"When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape."
"I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"
"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."
"Of all the things I've lost... I miss my mind the most."

*10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL.*
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks.
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies.
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly.
7. Our magazines have horiscopes.
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around.
5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm.
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate all day.
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have.
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket.
1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing.

*A Good and Best Friend*

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend has a long, normal conversation with you. A best friend has a pointless conversation with you that lasts all night and still has you laughing the next day.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
A good friend will call you on your birthday and wish you the best. A best friend will call and say, "You will die in seven days."
A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend walks right in and say "I'M HOME."

*Fun Things To Do In An ELEVATOR!*

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"
2) When the elevator doors shut, reassuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"
3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.
5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
11) Meow occasionally.
12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

*15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WalMart.*

1) Wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf
2) Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.
3) Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price.
4) Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"
5) When the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"
6) Start a fish stick fight.
7) Walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"
8) (this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"
9) Walk up to an employee and murmur "Code red in aisle 3." and see what they do.
10) Slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him).
11) Attempt to fly off a high shelf.
12) Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.
13) Whisper "I know your "little secret".' to people in the checkout line.
14) Stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section.
15) Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8.."

*Mental Hospital Stuff. REALLY FUNNY!!*

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital.

Please select from the following options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and
6.

If you believe you’ve been possessed, press 6 three times.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press, nothing will make you happy ayway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the
beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait
for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press
9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our
operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy
forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll
just mess it up.

*How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.*

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
(Dunno what happened to 16. Sorry.)
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream' I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.