|Cyber Angel Rowan|
Poll: If Ash was a Gijinka Half human half Pokemon , which one would he be? Vote Now!
Author has written 8 stories for NiGHTS, Mega Man, Crash Bandicoot, Vocaloid, Pokémon, and Code Lyoko.
Hello, anyone who might be reading this. Cyber Angel Rowan here. But you can call me Cy, Ro or Angel if you prefer. I'll probably start slow with my stories, and my updates will be erratic. I'd say they're good quality, but that's up to you, the readers. Just a warning: I have absolutely(Read: ABSOLUTELY to the Skewe's number[look it up, your mind will be blown]) no sense of update time. My updates will be few and far between, and I'm still working on practically all my fics. I have about twenty significantly written out, and another five that aren't past the first chapter. Apologies to my fans and readers. And haters, ya can flame me if you want, but I'll just give them to Sol Titanion to be used for wing repair.
BTW, my profile pic was drawn by xerowave on deviantart. I just thought I'd put that in so I don't get sued.
June 26th: C'mon, people! I appreciate that so many people are reading my stuff, but would it kill ya to leave a review or something?! Please? I'm begging you! I accept anon reviews too; I'm not picky!
June 27th: If anyone has any ideas for a humanised Pokemon fic, I'd be glad to hear them!
June 29th: Holidays! Rejoice! Expect more updates and stories from this Angel!
July 9th: I have a lot of newer stories sitting in my Notebook, and I've decided I'll post those before I post my older ones. Expect much better plots and characters and a crapload of fourth-wall breaking from now on! Don't worry, I'll still continue the ones I've already posted, but I just thought I'd get the fresher ideas out, and my adopted fic, Force of Nature. But I want your opinion on what I should post next. Check out my poll up there and vote for up to three choices. The faster you vote, the faster I can get a new idea out!
July 10th: You know what? Screw the poll, I'm just gonna get one last story uploaded cause I know I won't be able to do nothin' in school time!
July 12th: Well all, it's official. I am now a massive fan of not only Advanceshipping, but Ikarishipping as well. That's AshxMay and DawnxPaul, respectively for those of you unfamiliar with the Pokemon pairings.
July 14th: Well, it's that time of year again. The time when we are dragged off our computers and forced to go to school for another term. Stay strong, my loyal readers and reviewers. We will see each other again someday. Farewell!
July 22nd: I have a big plan for my fics. I'm going to post several that will be part of my Cyber Realm multiverse. These stories will coalesce in an SSB fic, which will bring all the OC's together to fight Tabuu! Code: Kingdom is the first of these, but fics from BRS, Vocaloid and Kingdom Hearts will follow. It's gonna be awesome!
August 5th: Gah, school is killing my brain... My apologies to my readers, I'll try to put stuff out as soon as I can!
19th August: Attention all readers and followers of me! I have massive news:
I AM NOW OFFICIALLY ON FICTIONPRESS! BOOYAH!
I'll be under the same username you all know and love, but I'll be letting loose some of my original works onto the site! They've been stewing in my Notebook for God knows how long, and my characters are itching for some action. Expect a heaping helping of Fantasy stories from this Angel on Fictionpress dot com!
8 September: WOW, you guys must be HATING my guts right now. School is suuuuuch a drain. Feel free to express your thoughts in reviews, PMs and the like. However! Your patience will be rewarded with several new fics in diverse categories. Just tough it out a little longer, and I'll get those stories up as fast as I can!
16 Sept: *Stumbles into view looking like I've been through a war zone. Left side of face and various pieces of armour have been ripped off, revealing the servomotors and various other mechanics underneath* Almost there! Holidays... are in sight! Must...keep...going...*Staggers off, energy sword in hand*
In other news I will be giving my first story, "NiGHTS: The Burst Saga," a massive overhaul. Which means higher text quality, a storyline that makes sense and less annoying ANs! Be on the lookout for major changes to that complete failure!
18 Sept: The Eliminators are coming. I'm not sure how safe I am, so if I suddenly drop off the radar, you'll know why. We need to stop these extremists! AUTHORS UNITE!
1st November: *pokes head out from behind a wall* Hello? *Ducks back behind wall as various deadly objects are hurled at my head* OK, OK, I KNOW, I haven't updated in forever, but the exams are 'round the corner and I am currently in the midst of dealing with them. BRB, mah peepul! *Is catapulted away quite suddenly screaming like a girl*
2nd Nov: An FF resident by the penname of Celtic Harmony has started a petition to enable chat//script format fics on the site! Please sign this and help enable script/chat format fics to be allowed on FF.net! You will be helping tons of writers on this site! http://www.change.org/petitions/fanfiction-net-remove-the-no-script-chat-format-rule-2
1st Jan: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
5 Jan: FANFIIIIIIC NEWSFLASH! N-N-N-N-NEWSFLASH! I will be releasing my second Vocaloid fanfic to the masses in a very short time! This will be one mother of a fic that explores the Vocaloids worst nightmare: THE FANGIRLS! DUN DUN DUN DUUUH! It's not going to be a Humor fic, and will be centered around the creation and effects of a sentient plague. That's all I'll reveal for now. Look out for it!
Feb 1: FANFIIIIIIC NEWSFLASH! N-N-N-N-NEWSFLASH! I'll be going into Year 11 this year so expect absolutely NOTHING from me if you aren't already.
Feb 11: The Burst Saga Rewrite is underway, after months of procrastination and rewrite failure! Expect the first chapter in a week or five XD
March 6: I now have a forum called "Why do you write?" It's a place where FF writers can discuss their reasons for writing and what motivates them. Link below. However, I must ask that all those who post respect each other's points of view and opinions.
March 21: Well, the site has been reformatted once again. Can't these people make up their minds already?!
Age: 16 angel years, last time I checked. That's 1600 human years, to all you mortals out there.
Appearance: My standard form is a Reploid body that's a copy of Zero's second one, only the armour's white, and I have blue energy weapons. I have a couple of other forms but this is my favourite one.
Location: Between dimensions at the moment, but I do like to stop over in Australia every once in a while. Gotta love them beaches!
Likes: Techno, Daft Punk, Nightcore anything and Eiffel 65 are particularly pleasing to my robot ears, and I'm also a massive bookworm. I'll read anything and everything from the early 21st century. Everything after that is recycled and boring. A word of warning to all of you Authors that like to time-travel in your fic-zones: Don't read anything from the 23rd century unless it has the words "Survive", "Zombie" and "Apocalypse" on the screen. Seriously. Not that you'll be able to read anything else over there anyway...
Dislikes: Graphic Yaoi between two characters that are clearly straight, although I am starting to ease into non-graphic stuff.
Okay, so this is the part where I upload random stuff to my profile for you lot to copy and paste... Well, here goes!
...That moment where you're writing your Pokémon fanfiction and look up to see an earwig crawling up your arm. Excuse me while I go beat it to death with an Xbox controller and then plunge my arm into a bucket of acid. - Strengthx3, formerly known as TheRebelx3, in the Authors Note of Chapter fourteen of The Legendary Catcher. Check it out, it is as funny as hell!
"Roses are delicate. Fragile. They break so easily, merely drop them to the ground and step on them. They are beautiful, and like all beauty, can be obliterated with a thought. But roses are strong, too. Roses have thorns. Roses grow on bushes, with other roses. Roses stick out their thorns to anyone who tries to hurt them. They grow bright and deadly on the outside, with the younger, more delicate ones on the inside. I guess...in a way...people are like roses."
-The Black Maiden. Profound, this one. Check her profile out if you're a Black Rock Shooter fan.
I reject your reality and substitute my own! - Adam Savage (A good practice. We should all do it. I myself have about three.)
Even the purest angel has a dark side. Even the most wicked demon has a light in their heart. - Me. Feel free to quote me on that.
Mako - "So, where're we gonna be staying?"
Meelo - "You're a boy. Boys have to stay on the boy's side.
Jinora - "I'd be happy to show you to the men's dormitories."
Bolin - "I'm a boy!" *Follows Jinora*
(AN:Bolin is the one character in LOK that can simultaneously assert his masculinity and state the obvious at the same time.)
KAITO'S DRIVING. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HE DRIVES? HE'S A MANIAC— - From Kaito's Driving? RUN!, a funny oneshot about the hazards of driving with Kaito at the wheel, told from Akaito's point of view. This line makes my day every time I read it. XD
I believe that Critics United is an excuse to infringe the rights of law-abiding Fanficton writers who believe in freedom of the press. They have sense, but I believe their 'constructive criticism' is more destructive than constructive. If you hate Critics United, and their whiny ways of exercising their freedoms by infringing ours, then copy and paste this onto your profile.
Lots of people don't know what Asperger Syndrome is. If you know what it is, HAVE IT, or know someone who has it, copy and paste this on your profile. (In my case it's the second one. AND I'M FREAKING PROUD OF IT!)
Dear Bullies, That boy you punched in the hall today? He committed suicide a few minutes ago. That girl you called a slut in class today? She's a virgin. That boy you called lame? He has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the other day? She is already being abused at home. You think you know them? Guess what, you don't. Copy and Paste this to your profile if you are against the mean bullying.
I bet 99% of you won’t.
Cyber Bullying is wrong. Those who do it are truly despicable people. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.
I am the boy who never finished high school because I got called a fag everyday.
Repost this if you support gay marriage and/or want the blind discrimination to stop.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. (This is so sad because it’s true.)
Okay, on a more positive note...
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you think Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE copy this in your profile.
The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
When life hands you lemons, throw something harder back.
That which does not kill me…should run. FAST.
Never knock on Death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run. He HATES that.
I hear voices in my head. But that’s alright. Most of them are pretty nice.
It’s you and me against the world. We attack at dawn.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every second of it.
Procrastinators will rule the world... Tomorrow!
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided.
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I like you. When I rule the world, you death shall be quick and painless.
Of course I’m out of my mind! It’s dark and scary in there!
If aliens are looking for INTELLIGENT life why are you worried?
I’m an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
The person who smiles when something goes wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Normal people scare me….but not as much as I scare them.
Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
If two wrongs do not make a right, try three.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it is usually an oncoming train.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Everyone has a wild side; I just prefer to make mine public.
What is this “normal” you speak of? Stay away, I don’t want to catch your “normal”!
I believe no problem is so large or difficult that it can’t be blamed on someone else.
I never repeat myself, so pay close attention the first time, because I never repeat myself.
I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode.
When all else fails bring out the duct tape.
I don’t lie. I create fiction with my mouth.
We’re best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I'll laugh harder.
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and don’t let it find me.
Between two evils, I always try to pick the one I’ve never tried.
Slinky Escalator = Endless Fun
I’m not saying you’re stupid I’m just implying it.
I’m bored…run for your sanity.
Never do anything you don’t want to explain to the cops or paramedics.
The more I think about it, the more I’m sure I’ve lost my mind. But crazy people don’t know they’re crazy so I guess I’m okay. But thinking I’m okay because I think I’m crazy is saying I don’t think I’m crazy so I may be crazy.
When life hands you lemons, make orange juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons, squirt it in life’s eye and see how much life likes lemons then.
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand oranges instead.
Don’t walk in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls or off the occasional cliff.
Some people are like lava lamps. Fun to look at but not very bright.
WAS GROW UP?
Put This In Your Profile If You're Still Five Inside... No Matter How Old You Are Now.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, flareyphoenix, Detective E. Yin, Cyber Angel Rowan
If Fanfiction is your way of escaping reality and the rest of the boring people in the world and truly "unleashing your imagination" then paste this in your profile and add your name: Emerald Princess 14, StardustFromThePlanetGallifrey, ShadowsOnALove-StruckSoul, Punk Chopsticks, xoxLewrahxox, petrelli heiress, Lara-Van, queenoftheoutlands, HMemma546, Detective E. Yin, Cyber Angel Rowan
If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.
If you are obsessed with FanFiction, put this into your profile
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews (or maybe even one review...), add this to your profile
If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.
If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet/foot, copy this into your profile.
If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen rideralex, CherubChick92, Glissoning Raven, JasperXxXHale, Sarcasm-the Lowest Form of Wit, Detective E. Yin, Cyber Angel Rowan
100 Rules of Anime
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extra-dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff)
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of DOOM with which to whack the said male over the head. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape into his face in dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary, pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character towelling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics:
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members:
#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
Fave Quotes (Taken from Strengthx3's page)
-My plan was perfect, but there was one thing I overlooked, one factor I failed to calculate. He's a dumbass. And there's no accounting for dumbass...ness...
On a Myer hairdryer:
On a bag of Chips:
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
On some frozen dinners:
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
On most brands of Christmas lights:
On a Japanese food processor:
On packet of Nobbys'
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for this one:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
Me: *Eyebrow is currently passing Mars*
This is really sweet
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl lies her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.
When a girl wants to see you every day, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says "I love you." she means it.
When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more.
Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot and and calls you back when you hang up on him.
The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who will kiss your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to world when you are in your sweats.
The one who holds your hand infront of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.
The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her."
If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.
If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.
Tonight, at midnight, they will realize they love you.
Something good will happen at aproximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.
So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eterenity.
Repost this to your profile and spare yourself the emotional stress.
"Is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious?"
"That's what i love about working for Torchwood. By day, we save the Earth from the scum of the galaxy. By night, we're the wedding fairies."
"Fire Magnet! Target Tyranid Carnifex at Ten o'clock!"
"But why is the rum gone?"
"Because you and i are alike. And there will come a moment when you have the chance to show it. To do the right thing."
"Johnny, don't even think about it."
"Elan knows more than me... The entire foundation of my world is collapsing... Up is down, black is white... nothing makes sense anymore!"
Something funny about Vista.
"You are Banned from Springfield Museum! You, and your children, and your children's children! For three months."
"Have you done your homework?"
"We are separated from America by a common language."
"I think it important to my life that i keep living."
"History is written by the winners. That's why French History books are empty!"
"Don't you trust me?"
"You attack me verbally, I'll fight back in kind! But physically."
"I honestly think that in some parts of america, they have started to mate with vegetables."
"So yes, we do have TWO top tips for you tonight. Number 1, yes you can buy rather than rent. Number 2, don't go to America."
(randomly in an English lesson)
If it can't be solved by violence, it's not worth solving.
"No, you don't get it. You think you get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?"
"Hey, guys. Good morning. Sorry I'm late. Afraid I got lost on the path of life. "
(Talking to Orochimaru) "I don't care if you are one of the Sannin, the three shinobi of legend. I swear, take one more step towards Sasuke, and one of us will die here!"
"Behind this mask is...Another mask! Pretty cool, huh?"
"Shannaro!" (original Japanese only; it roughly means "Hell yeah!") "Oh, yeah! Bring 'em on!"
"Guy sensei is the coolest! He practically GLOWS with cool!"
"You're the last of your clan, eh? Then your clan perishes today..." (to Kimimaro)
"I retract any insults to Mew, humbly asking she leave me as i am." "Humble? Ha! You? Ha! You don't know the meaning of the word." "Not now please, i'm pleading with a god."
"You did well, Tweet." Well!? Thought Felix. You just got OWNED by a Sentret!
"He's just upset because a bunch of girls kicked his butt yesterday."
"You know that secret? The one that wakes you up at night in a cold sweat? The one you think no-one else in the world knows? Well, guess what."
"I say victory is better than honour."
"Shibi actually spoke with you?” Hayate questioned.
“Cause I’m Naruto! Future Hokage! Container of the nine-tailed fuzz ball!”
“Yes. Naruto struck again.” Haku teased. “He brought home an Oto-nin. Can we keep him?”
"Plus, we can ram stuff."
"Honesty is the Best Policy."
"You have a very weird logic train."
The pain would pass. Sarpedon had had worse. And he still had seven legs left, damnit.
"There are some things it is pointless to lecture on. Many are the times i have extolled the virtues of abstinence to the laity. Few are the times i have been listened to."
"For the Emperor, Tellos."
"Don't you just hate it when people assume they're more powerful than you just because they're a demigod?"
"Hey, by the way, i told everyone you were taking care of a sick grandmother over in Fuchsia. Somehow your grandmother died of cancer. I'm sorry."
"So then, who would you rather be with? Emma Watson, Leona Lewis, or our fit english teacher? (not kidding, you haven't met her. Tough luck for you, good luck for us. Less competition.)
"I disagree with what you say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it."
"I disagree with what you say, and i'll fucking KILL you if you try and tell me it!"
"Like i'm going to let my wallet out of my sight. Hey, where's my wallet?"
"And I spent three of those weeks in Turkey and Kos!"
God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
It's not that I don't believe in a god; it's that I am certain there is no such thing.
"Dolphins are nothing but camp sharks."
May wrath of evil disturb the one who disturbs this holy grail.
"Did you just insult me? Because if you did, you might not survive long enough to meet her!"
"I haven't finished my lunch yet!"
"I would kill you, but i have no barbecue sauce."
"I don't expect you to obey my rules, i expect you to die if you disobey them."
"You need to put your HEART and SOUL into your quotes."
"All of existence is a giant game of Spore."
"I'm gonna go over to those girls, say my name is Beer, and ask if they want some Beer. Nuts."
"Fine! I can have deep conversation with the Tod!"
"You realise that nothing you do is going to stop me, right?"
"I'm the fucking god of the pokemon! YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT!"
"Oh drunken sky kitty, we summon thee!"
"Yo mammas so ugly the uchiha clan took one look at her and killed themselves!"
"Speaking of lemon cloud flavoured custard tarts, whatever the hell happened to my purple fluffy marshmallows?"
"You're gonna hit me if i say that."
"What would you do if you could go back in time?"
"You know what?...woof."
"My uncle drowned in a vat of whisky. They tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely."
"Hey, look! A rectangle!"
"You're like a compulsive liar, but with more planning!"
"Oh no! Sepulchure's raising an army of one hundred million undead! Are you thinking what i'm thinking?"
"You can either take the drugs, or you can listen to me give you a long speech convincing you to take the pot."
This is the Amish computer virus. As we do not have the technology to create an actual computer virus, this works on the principle of trust. Please delete all your files and make your computer crash. Thank you, have a nice day.
"The cake is a lie! If the cake is a lie, why is the cupcake a lie?"
Mewtwo blinked, and leant back against the tree. Again, one of the longer speeches he'd heard from the detective, and one that was... oddly touching. In a disturbing, nerve wracking kind of a way.
"My favourite word begins with 'F' and ends in 'uck'. My favourite word is 'FIRETRUCK', what did you think i'd say?"
"Asta la vista, kitt-eh..."
"i will cheer you up with the hand boogie! (dances with hands, while singing in a strange accent) The hand boogie, the hand boogie, the hand boogie, quote!" (repeat until quoted!)
A duck walks into a bar, and says
I've often wondered, with the science experiments nowadays, when we finally work it all out, will everything disappear, and a big neon sign come up, with flashing lights, that says- level 2.
"(singing) Seven days to go, seven days to go, seven days to go until my birthday!"
"Little sis? You're abusive to your LITTLE sis?"
"My speciality is moving things around."
"It wasn't murder, it was self defence! And i'll kill anyone who argues with me!"
"I wanna kill him!"
“One last piece of advice before you head out there- Whatever you do, don’t die.”
The only thing that never changes is that all things change.
"Caps Lock. The Cruise Control for AWESOME!"
"Knowledge may be Power, but Ignorance is bliss. Which is more Important?"
"Knowledge is Ignorance, but Power is Bliss."
Orion was already imagining the plan in action, with him in overalls and a cap at the wheel of a van, trundling through the gates and past the guards with not a worry in the world, when he noticed a vital flaw to the plan: he couldn’t drive.
Screw that plan, he decided. Maybe he could… bribe the guards! He wanders up to the gate, looking pathetic and miserable, and he begs the guards to let him through. He could pout and hit them with the puppy eyes, and offer up that whiney little Pachirisu, and then they couldn’t NOT let him through!
Except he didn’t have Sparkle on him, and well, pouting was rather difficult for any Kabutops to do, especially when he was aiming to look convincingly cute.
Orion clacked his scythes together in a quiet clap as he giggled to himself. Breaking into places was rather fun, wasn’t it? Maybe he should get Gajo to do this more often.
He was just thinking of his next hair-raising scheme to get past the unsuspecting guards, when he noticed that there was a gap in the fence that he could fit through. The Kabutops shrugged, chastising himself for not noticing it earlier, before he skittered over to it, slipping through the steel mesh and behind a large trash container.
He’s pretty stealthy for a… blood-crazed crab.
“Happy birthday, Deidara,” said Pein, walking into the room. “Sasori, are you done with the cookies?”
"You get no popcorn!"
Six months later...
"He has his moments of genius. Sometimes he even manages to find the way to his house!"
"You get 0 out of 10 for being a human, because your disguise is not convincing!"
"Agh! Too many sheets!" (Eats worksheet)
(Doing an impression of Stitch) "I will eat your heart!"
"The fable of Sable! I've got to write that... (Thinks) Might need some plot first..."
"Quote! (Searches pocket for notebook to write it on) DAMN!"
"You realise that since you're next to the window, the smell will go past you?"
(names changed for internet safety) Lance is drilling some armour with borrowed equpment. It's making a hiss like a loud and angry hornet. This guy comes up, and says
"Anyone know any famous vegetarians?"
"Or, on the other, we could go save Jack in a blaze of fiery glory, probably dying in the process..." Tristan finished.
"The answer to that is a resounding maybe!"
"The profiterole was framed!"
"(My french teacher to someone who hadn't done coursework) What are you waiting for?"
"Just simple mind control."
"I am not No.1 on the CIA most wanted list!"
"Technically, 'quote!' is not quotable, but 'quote!' is... 'quote!' so..."
"While you're out, i'll kill the pepperoni."
"What's the point of studying history?"
"I need your clothes, your boots and your porn magazines."
"You know what he does that's really annoying?"
The entirety of Bill Bailey, Part Troll. :)
"God is WIN."
“Ok dumb nuts, an ultimate defence are basically a technique or natural ability that shields you from almost all harm.”
'Only for you, you’re just lucky you got me. So maybe you should give me a bit more respect and stop biting the hand that feeds.’
"So, in the future, parents shouldn't let their kids play so much computer games?"
"Define a chair."
Due to Kaiser's theoretically nonexistent theory of theoretical nonexistence, this profile does not exist...Why are you still here?
When life gives you lemons, you make something random, perhaps coke, or fanta, then watch the scientists randomly running round looking for an answer.
My mind... it's beginning to unravel, so SOON! Like a tapestry, and some angry KITTENS!
"Hey i never told anyone you're bi! (To someone else) Hey, did you know he's bi?"
Me-In an alternate universe, you're a nice person.Me and Kaiser-(in exact concert)-NAAAH!
"We need several billion pounds worth of funding! Jake, organise a bake sale!"
Misa doesn't care how gay boyfriend-chan is, he will have sex with her and he will LIKE it!
WAIT, WRONG GENOCIDE.
Sunrise? Nah, Baby Jesus is playing with his dimmer switch.
After it was attacked by Raccoons... (Sniff) They killed so many...
The Raccoons are actually the master race... they ALLOW us to rule... until they think it's time... to STRIKE!
The CNN Tower is ACTUALLY a giant demon robot cat, which was defeated by the Raccoon Liberation Front.
(Gasp) The headteacher is in league with the Raccoons!
Nobody expected the badgers to get involved... WHY?! (Cries)
God is part of Tennis!
"Sheila Black will be all over me when i show up to lay on the boyish charm.
"Do you WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?!"
"You want weapons? we're in a library. Books, the best weapons in the world. This rooms the best arsenal we could have."
"Someone needs to call the Redundant Department of Redundancy."
"yeesh... the worst part of polygamy is that when you get jealous, you can't justify it..."
If you lick me, i take your face.
"What's their strike range, you say? Let's put it this way. Sagittars aim their bows using MAPS."
"KILL ALL ZE ANGELS!"
"Oh no... they have doughnuts... THEY HAVE DOUGHNUUUUUUTS!!"
"There's the scale... then there's off the scale. But you... you're off the off the scale."
“I’ve got a question,” Kame spoke out, “Why is the blond baka our…leader?”
"DAMN. I WANTED THAT WIN."
"When you buy a shrimp, you're actually just buying it's tail. And what happened to the rest of the shrimp?-"
"We must move Forwards! Not backwards, not sideways, not upwards, and definitely not forwards! We must be twirling, twirling, TWIRLING towards freedom."
"Suck my cock!"
"When hell freezes over!"
"You see a debating oppurtunity... i see a long-overdue graveyard."
"(sigh) Primary school time again. (starts writing names on board)"
"I never high five."
"(is slapped) Oo, do you moisturize?"
"Big deal. I walk over Everest every day on my way to school."
"You are Choujar, son of Choji, lord of chubs."
"How high was the tightrope?"
"What do you think would happen if one of those floodlights fell over and crushed an innocent Year 7?"
"Is being evil a bad thing?"
"My mind is in its own seperate universe, you know."
"I don't know, that depends whether the raccoons were involved."
"My brains turned to molten jelly..."
"You know, he has three sisters and they're all secretly him. But he doesn't know, so don't tell him!"
"And you're worried, not because you're going to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you're afraid those vampires won't approve of you, Correct?"
"January 16th, 2009. Apophis shows signs of originality.
"No, even the IDEA of you not mentioning Metal Gear for a day breaks the fabric of reality."
"I feel the swirling threads of destiny drawing together..."
"If you can't change colour, you're OUT of the Chameleon's Guild! Now GO!"
"Are you disappointed in yourself?"
"What's better than winning the special olympics? Not being disabled."
"I haven't been horrible recently, have I?"
"What happened?" Edward demanded, his voice going flat.
"Now back to the original topic, Armadillos!"
"So, how many signs of the apocalypse have we had now?"
"Dexter, meet Dexter. I'm going to help the two of you get to know each other."
"For gods sake, mousse and twist!"
"Of course it was a good idea. It came from me."
"God is a hamster. We play pools at the weekend."
(Ranting about the bible and Jesus)
"A NECROPHILIAC STOLE JESUS!"
"Pick up me leg, boy, it fell off."
"Does god get a bus pass? I mean, he's old..."
"Hows your psychiatrist?"
"(Uncaring) See my caring face."
"Feevee is a GOOD boy."
"You play snooker with a hamster?"
"Let me bring you up to speed. We know nothing. You are now up to speed."
"Hey, look at that! The smoke grenades fit perfectly in the cup holders!"
"Should we team up and take over the world?"
"How to get home round your ass? At least seven series in that."
"I've got a plan!"
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a COMA."
"It's not lying, it's just painting the truth a more appealing colour!"
"You... you stole my phrase and made it better!"
"No, I'll tell YOU what's low. Shooting your grandmother because she gave you ten-pence under your standard pocket money."
"I love this!"
"I've been asked to annoy you, would you like to put me in a stranglehold now to save time?"
"Chuck Norris is the antichrist! All we know is a lie!"
"So, how does that make you feel?"
"Circles! God's answer to... squares!"
"He's a little... yeah..."
"You two do realize that you sound like a preschool television Holiday special on LSD, don't you?"
'Each person select a pair of opposites to elaborate (PENIS) on. You will (VAGINA) need to insert (ANAL BEADS) quotes/references to characters (COCK RING) scenes, themes or incidents in the play.
(On the above)
"I need more smoke bombs... goddamn you, potassium nitrate, why do you mock me?!"
"Assassins take mastercard!"
"Scanning for weapons...Number of weapons found:...Many."
"We're as fast as you."
"Your mother only buys from the Tesco 'Finest' range, the Sainsburys 'Taste the Difference' range and the Waitrose 'Look on my works, ye mighty, and Despair' range."
"The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems."
"The girl is a witch!"
"Why'd you come back for us?"
"If you take sexual advantage of her, you are going to a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre."
"(Teary eyed) My very own riot?"
"Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood."
"You and your pokemon need an obedience lesson from me."
Henry VIII was invading France-Bit of a hobby for English Kings.
"There was a rumour going round the underworld that you were dead."
"By the gods, this is the last time I break the boss out of the clinic and replace her with a clone."
Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
"I can do whatever i want. I'm a rock star!"
"Alright, i'll just hop in my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires if they can postpone their ancient prophecy a few days so you can take in dinner and a show."
(On the subject of serial killers as opposed to demons)
"Personal question? When Buffy was a vampire, were you still attracted to her?"
"Er, how many are there?"
"This ends tonight."
"Sometimes too much of a good thing can be a very good thing."
"What the hex are you doing?"
"Magic is dangerous. It's not something to be trifled with. Now, if you'll excuse me, i have somebody elses homework to do."
"You... all of you... Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?"
You're double entrende, he's like, "Take off your fucking pants."
The most exciting thing you can do in Wales is get Murdered.
“You’d be surprised how observant mopers are,” Asanuma told him. “It’s like you’ve put your life on hold. But instead of that annoying elevator music, you’re listening to enraged punk rock.”
In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. And 60 levels of fetch quests.
"Only Sal could make spreading Christmas Cheer sound like an evil plot..."
"Look, I get it. You're trying to do everything like the evil master villain. I can get along with that just fine. We're the villains. But must you suck at it?"
'God created everything-except bureaucracy. He loves us too much.'
"Preacher, don't the bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?"
"And wasn't agent Orulla captured by a pirate named Nights?"
"What about Alkia?"
"What is in that folder that Jurinjo gave you?"
"I am very glad, Delaine, that you appear to have little problem with my horns..."
"There's something irresistibly romantic about vanquishing the undead."
"I'd tell you to fasten your seatbelts, but i was too cheap to buy any. Haha!"
Well, it's getting late over here in the land of tea and crumpets.
"Are there really magical shoes that can bring you home?"
"We split the atom, we make a bomb. We come up with anything new, the first thing we do is, control, manipulate, destroy... it's human nature."
"We're not MULTIPLE personalities, we're MANY personalities... well, one of my personalities happens to be a multiple personality but that doesn't make ME a multiple personality..."
"Glomps are good for the soul, not the lungs..."
"Your orders are simple. Kill anyone who enteres except Doctor Sun and myself."
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
"Any sufficiently analysed magic is indistinguisable from science!"
"Whenever he gets like this, i just think about how many different ways i can spell 'eviscerate'."
"No, no! It's all going to be alright! We're just going to kill you, and then you'll be fine!"
"Oh no! They have my uniform!" (pointing at a superman t-shirt)
"As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it cannot solve approaches zero."
"The rats perturbed; it must sense nanobots! Code Grey! We have a Helvetica scenario!"
(Mighty villain enters)
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we will know peace.
'This is tied for the most terrifying day of my life!'
'I sighed, but inside it sort of felt good to know that Mother Nature felt the same way as I did. One thing that does make sudden depression better is suddenly being depressed with someone else. Better yet if that someone else is a metaphorical force of nature.'
"(eager) Oh, that's gorgeous!"
"Have you ever eaten alien meat?"
"There are three of you? Three doctors?"
"In the arena of logic, i fight unarmed."
The point is, good deeds were done and we were nearby.
'A plan that has no attachment to logic cannot be stopped. The success or failure of any given step will have no impact on the macro level.'
"What i hate most about talking to you jerks is that i always know what you're going to say. Partly because i exist in six directions in time at once, but also you are all stupid."
"You aren't going to draw out ancient and malevolent forces of the underverse with an upside down room."
"Where do all these dragons come from anyway?"
"That doesn't make sense. Things don't just happen. I demand a rational explanation."
"Let the healing begin."
"So after we 'save' the world, i figure that gives us the moral authority to levy a saviour tax on, well, everything. By which i mean everything that ever was and will be."
"We're going to grab the non-fabric of the anti-space time, and rip it a new one."
"I've been given the gift... of time."
"Jordan, your only talent is illegal in twenty-six states."
'A possibility I considered in Exalted, vis-a-vis the psychological effects of the titular state of being, is that you'd gradually get more physical while you talk. Normal people when they get excited will start poking and pulling on each other's arms and such, but Exalted are much more resilient to pain and discomfort so neither they nor you would notice you're doing it. Without being called out on it you'd get into the habit of doing it more and more strongly, until eventually one day you realise that at some point during your political debate you started a kung fu duel.'
The Archenemy decks seem like they'll be awesome from a flavour perspective, but I have a question. Why is there no white theme deck? Flavour-wise, it seems like the four themes are red dragons, black zombies, green crazy nature, and blue artifacts. Where are the blank-eyed, constantly smiling cultists? The beautiful soldiers who don't seem to notice they're covered in blood? The loving, gentle overlord who'll make all your problems disappear if you just stop fighting her and believe ...
Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.
Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.
It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added.
If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.
While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be looseing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.
For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.
Agato the Venom Host
The Dark Graven
Lord Orion Salazar Black
Kumo no Makoto
Korraganitar the NightShadow
Final Black Getsuga
Masane Amaha's King
Nero Angelo Sparda
The Next Muse
H. E. Vaughn
Cyber Angel Rowan
Bless your face, if you sneezed while reading this profile bless YOU.
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