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| ArtemisandOrion |
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Author has written 6 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Twilight. Name: Arty or Art (ha, you thought I was going to give you my real name? PUH-LEASE!) or, you can call me Mrs. di Angelo!!! Age: Never gonna happen! Location: Inside a taco. On the moon. In another galaxy. Things I Like: Tohappyformyowngood (my friend outside of FF), purple, PJO, DramaQueen1649 (my other friend outside of FF), Zutara, Thalico, but most of all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE NICO DI ANGELO!!! Things I Dislike: ClearlyWritten (an author on FF), my enemies, girly-girls, people who pick on my friends, people who flame you for personal reasons, people who are bent on following the rules and guidelines on FF (Eliminators) Couples I Ship: PERCABETH! Frazel, Zutara, Taang, Thalico, Tratie, BellaxEdward, JacobxNessie, AlicexJasper, RosaliexEmmet, CarlislexEsme, BellaxAlec, BellaxFelix, BellaxDemetri, Leyna, Jeyna, SADICO! (if Nico isn't paired with Thalia or Sadie, NO ONE CAN HAVE HIM! HE IS MINE!), Salt, Zarter, Jalt, Jazlian, AphroditexHepheastus, SilenaxBeckendorf, ClarissexChris, ArtemisxOrion, SokkaxSuki, DezxTrish, JadexBeck, CatxRobbie, TorixOc, AndrexOC, TrinaxOC, DinaxDuece, CecexGunther, RockyxOC, CecexLuke (Luke from JESSIE!), ZurixFlynn, PhineasxIzabella, JeremyxCandace, KimxJack, RenesmeexOC, Reynabeth (yes, this couple DOES exist!) Couples I Don't Ship: Posades (thanks to ClearlyWritten) Perlia, Percemis, BellaxJasper, BellaxEmmett, Kataang, Lazel, Thaleo, ConnorxKatie, NicoxAnnabeth, ZeusxPoseidon, ZeusxHades, Kaatang, Lazel, JasonxPercy, JasonxNico Couples Who Are Okay: Pothena, Peo (Percy/Leo, NOT Piper), PercyxNico, PoseidonxArtemis, AphrodiexAres, RachelxNico, ArtemisxHermes, ZukoxMai, ZukoxTy Lee, AzulaxSokka, AnnabethxHazel, AnnabethxChris (read my story "Reversed" to find out!), BellaxCaicus, BellaxMarcus, BellaxAro (sorta) Couples I HATE WITH A BURNING PASSION: PercyxPiper, PiperxNico, PiperxAnnabeth, PiperxAnyone whose not a troll or imaginary Fav. Artist: Jacob Latimore, Astro, Mindless Behavior, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Adele, Maroon Five, Selena Gomez, Nicki Manaj, P!nk, me (hey, i didn't say they had to be famous!!!! If you believe in Jesus Christ put this on your profile. He'll see it. IF YOU BELIVE IN GOD, READ THIS!! A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.' The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell. They went to the next room and The holy man said, 'I don't understand. It is simple said the Lord. It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.' When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you! He died for you…why not live for Him? He died for you…why not live for Him? TEAM SETH CLEARWATER! 'Cause he's team Edward and team Jacob. And let's face it. He's adorable! Motto: YOLO!(you only live once) & OLOY! (only losers obey yolo!!!) Philosophy: I value my haterz!!! Date of: 2/18/13- People on my bus got into a fight. AWESOMENESS! Oh, and one of the girls thinks she can beat up anyone. That chick got OWNED! I'm talking backed up in a corner owned! Stories I'm working on: I'm the Daughter of Artemis- Isabella Johnson was an orphan with a pretty good life. She never knew who her mother was, and no one even mentioned a father. One day, after a hell hound attack, her best friend, Joella Montague tells her she's a Demi-god. Suddenly, Izzy's whisked off to Camp Half-Blood. She's expecting it to be a boring summer, but soon finds herself taking interest in the handsome Jackson Moore. Isabella is afraid. Afraid of what her mother will do after she finds out Isabella's taken notice to a boy. A story of tragedy, heart brake, and Drama. NO QUEST! OC story. Coming soon!!! Reversed- It's you regular PJO fic...WITH A TWIST! Everyone has different parents, so people are all dating the wrong person. PERCABETH ensured! Probably near the end, though. Read. Review. Favorite. Kiss the ground I walk on for my genius. Favorite me. You know, the usual. Favorite PJO Characters: 1. NICO DI ANGELO!!! 2. Annabeth Chase 3. Percy Jackson 4. Leo Valdez 5. Bianca di Angelo 6. Zoe Nightshade 7. Silena Beauregard 8. Charles Beckendorf 9. Travis Stoll 10. Katie Gardener 11. Conner Stoll 12. Clarisse la Rue 13. Chris Rodriguez 14. Rachel Dare 15. Grover 16. Juniper 17. Chiron 18. Artemis 19. Hades 20. Hepheastus 21. Aphrodite (because she got PERCABETH together!!!) 22. All the other gods 23. Reyna 24. Octavian 25. Gwen 26. Dakota 27. Everyone else (and yes, I know Jason is not on the list. I did that purposely...I also did not add Piper.Also meant to do that...) Favorite Twilight Characters: 1. Renesmee 2. Alice 3. Seth 4. Emmett 5. Jacob 6. Rosalie 7. Bella 8. Renee 9. Esme 10. Carlisle 11. Jasper 12. Alec 13. Aro 14. Jane 15. Felix 16. Charlie 17. Everyone else Favorite Hunger Games Characters: 1. Katniss (DUH!!!) 2. Peeta 3. Primrose 4. Haymitch 5. CINNA! 6. Prep. Team 7. Portia 8. Lavinia 9. Finnick 10. Annie 11. Boggs 12. Gale 13. Everyone else... 10 Ways to Annoy Jacob Black: 10. Never use English around him- instead, bark. 9. Call him a space heater. 8. Tell him that dogs make good pets, not good partners. 7. Ask him if he's RSVPed to the wedding yet. 6. Inform him that real men sparkle. 5. Walk up to him and claim that you have imprinted. Say you love him and demand his paw in marriage. 4. Tell him that even though he may run at a boiling 108.9, Bella doesn't find him hot. 3. Inquire as to how Leah is...and if he dreams about Sam the way Leah dreams about Bella. 2. Ask him if he likes to do things... doggy style. And the number 1way to annoy Jacob Black: 1. Make him a day-by-day flip calender, counting down the amount of time Bella will remain human. Okay, I'll start by saying, I used to like Piper. But then it dawned on me,"Piper is a little too perfect!" She is like, the definition of Mary-Sue! (I do not believe Annabeth is a Mary-Sue because she isn't perfect. So Luke liked her. It was only to add to the affect of the book. But hey, I don't care if you don't like her. Just don't tell me my opinion about her is wrong.) Okay, let us list the ways Piper is a Mary-Sue: 1. Perfect looks. (daughter of Aphrodite) 2. Perfect attitude. 3. Smart. (street-wise) 4. Athletic. 5. Get's the guy she wants. 6. Doesn't want to be beautiful. 7. Daughter of a movie-star. 8. Goes on a quest first few weeks. 9. Becomes cabin leader. 10. Rare gift of Charmspeak. ONE DAY A DAD COMES HOME DRUNK AND MAD. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE AND THEN TURNS THE GUN ON HIMSELF. HIS LITTLE GIRL SITS BEHIND THE COUCH CRYING. THE POLICE CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO A NEW FAMILY. HER FIRST DAY TO SUNDAY SCHOOL SHE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND SEES A PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS. THE LITTLE GIRL ASKS THE TEACHER: How did that man get off the cross? THE TEACHER REPLIED: He never did. THE LITTLE GIRL ARGUED: Yes he did when mommy and daddy fought he sat next to me behind the couch telling me everything was gonna be alright... 66 of u won't repost this. BUT REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAID, ''DENY JESUS IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER."Repost this I had a dream I was drowning in Orange Soda. Turns out, it was just a FANTA-sy! I am the biggest greek freak ever. I love reading and writing. You know how teachers say the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. It's puke. That will get you out of class faster than anything else. Teacher: Where's your math homework? Me: It comitted suicide. It had too many problems. I let my five year old brother watch twilight. Now, he goes around biting people. Laughing so hard, no noise comes out, so you sit there clapping like a retarted seal. (no offence) I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing! This is what Will Farrell tweeted: Texting while driven #YOLO Sitting in the green room with Justin Beiber...must resist the urge to roundhouse kick him in his midget face... if you watch mean girls backwards, it's about a girls who's so unpopular she moves to africa... Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people. I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete. Then when they f*ck up I will just hit them all at once. Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. On the other hand, I have different fingers. I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget. If I had Morgan Freeman's voice I would sit in a corner and talk to myself for days. That awkward moment when someone assumes you care about their opinion... My bed and I are deeply in love. It's obvious my alarm clock is jealous. I pretty sure the asshole who put the extra 'r' in February is the same guy who thought up the spelling for Wednesday... Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, yell out "PIKA" right before the sneeze. When someone says they have to ask you a question think of all the bad things you've done recently. I fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song. That awkward moment when the most annoying person you know complains about someone else being annoying... The awkward moment when the worst dancer you know corrects someone on thier dancing... That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced, people actually think you're stupid... That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car, then realize someone's inside... The awkward moment when you walk in the closet and don't end up in Narnia... On December 22, I'm going to tweet, "Anyone still alive?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Ten years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... In his house. If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to? I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I don't have much to spare. Guys should be like lattes- rich, strong, and hot! Don't be afraid to talk to yourself. It's the only way to be sure someone's listening. Arithmetic is being able to count to twenty without taking off your shoes. - Mickey Mouse Age is but a number. Height though, is another matter. You say I'm not cool. Cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Kindergarten- the grade that makes kids think LMNO is a word. Favorite werewolf? Sorry Jacob, but we both know it's Seth! Kidnapping is such a strong word...I prefer surprise adoption! :) Twilight Jokes: It's sad that every time you get a paper cut, you think of Jasper. Edward= Diamonds Jacob= Dog. Diamonds are a girls best friend. Dog is mans best friend. Therefore, Jacob is gay. One night, Tinkerbell and Dracula had a one night stand. Nine months later, a baby boy named Edward was born. I am so sick of everyone hating Annabeth. Don't you people have anything better to do than make stories about how Annabeth is a liar and a cheater and whatever the Hades else you idiots write about (PoseidonxHades1). If you hate her so much, why do you spend majority of your time making up stories just to diss her, hmm. I'll tell you why. It's because you're losers who have nothing better to do than diss people and make them feel bad. So, go get a life. (Sorry for the rant. I was just not in a good mood, and I read a story about Annabeth being a two-timer and I kinda just went into an angry rant.) I'm not saying you should stop writing, just put it in your summary before you diss a girl's favorite character. Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school He told his friends that it was cool And when he pulled the trigger back It shot with a great crack Mommy I was a good girl I did what I was told I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold But mommy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye I'm sorry mommy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another And all because he got the gun from his older brother Mommy please tell daddy that I love him very much And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush And tell my little sister that she is the only one now And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class And never to forget this and please don't let this pass Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack Mummy listen to me if you would I wanted to go to college I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with daddy On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married I wanted to have a kid I wanted to be an actress Mummy I wanted to live But mummy I must go now The time is getting late Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date I love you mummy I always have I know you know it's true Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you" Please if you would Pass this around I'd be happy if you could Don't smash this on the ground If you pass this on Maybe people will cry Just keep this in heart For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye" Now you have two choices 1) repost and show you care 2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind. When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back. When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class. When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night. When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter. When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got. When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out. When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn. When you were 20, your mom drove you to collage. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the drom so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends. When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world. When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children. Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you. If YOU love your mom, re-post this and if you don't, you won't care if your mom dies, will you? Hush, little sister Please don't cry I wish I could be there To sing you a lullaby I can see your arms Bloodied and bruised That's strange, little sister Mine were like that too I know you scream When Daddy's there Hush, little sister I know you're scared I can see the way He's hurting you I'm sorry, little sister He did that to me too I know that people Ignore what's going on at home That makes me angry, little sister You shouldn't have to be alone Hey, little sister You wanna know why I'm not there? It's a sad story, little sister But people should care You see, little sister One day Daddy got high You were asleep in your crib So you didn't hear my cry He screamed at me And smashed my head against the door While you slept, little sister I died on the floor You know, little sister I don't think that I would have died If someone had only bothered To listen to my cries But hush, little sister Daddy's coming home Quick, get into bed You don't want him to find you alone I'm sorry little sister He's in a bad mood Run while you can Uh oh little sister He's lifting his belt Scream while you can, little sister Call for help Hush little sister You don't need to cry No one can hurt you You're in my arms tonight. --Unknown. CHILD ABUSE IS SICK AND WRONG. PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY. Ladies, things to say to men with bad pick up lines! Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you. Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: All trespassers will be shot. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together Man: Your eyes, they're amazing. Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby? Man: Can I borrow your phone? I have to call God and tell him one of his angels is missing! Woman: Can I borrow yours? I have to report that the mental hospital is missing one of its patients. Man: You're too pretty to be single. Woman: And you're too ugly to be flirting with me. Man: Do you have a band-aid, 'cause I scraped my knee falling for you. Woman: Do you, 'cause I scraped my knee running away from you. Man: Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a mini-skirt? Woman: Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma? Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts. Man: I'd go through anything for you. Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account. Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number? Woman: It's in the phone book. Man: But I don't know your name. Woman: That's in the phone book too. Man: I know how to please a woman Woman: Then please leave me alone Man: I can tell you want me Woman: Ohhhhh, you’re so right, I want you to leave Man: My pretty face is leaving in ten minutes. Please, be on it. Woman: Really, then it will be to smack you. Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When… -You go to the Empire State Building and you ask for the 600th Floor. -There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!” -Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes. -When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses. -You burn food to see if it smells good. -You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!” -Everyone else is creating a Twilightfamily and you create a PJO family. -You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda… -You sometimes try to control water. -You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months. -You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address. -Even though notdiagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent. -You yell "Annabeth!" everytime you see a NY Yankees hat. -You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games. -Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt. -You are a PJO character for Halloween. -Recite lines randomly from the books. -When you see/hear about anything myhtology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.(all the time!) -Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related. -You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol. -You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you. -You have dreams about PJO characters/events -You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket. -That everytime you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword. -In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!" -You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?" -When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!" -You are known to scream names of the characters at random times. -You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders in case of emergencies -And when you flunk said test, you blame Athena's irritation on Percabeth. -You make a list of characters never to anger, like this one and why: Thalia- Want her for your friend, hate her for your enemy. also shes a hunter, her aim with an arrow is very accurate... Athena- She scares Percy more than Zeus. Also, she cannot be distracted and her plans always work. Hades- Um, this one is rather obvious- also you might not be buried with a drachma in your pocket. Hermes- Cutting off your internet access would be slow and painful torture. Also I blame the economy crisis on Luke's stealing federal funds. Aphrodite- She's preoccupied with Percabeth and trust me I dont want to waste her time! -You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer. - You give all your siblings god parents - You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians. - You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win. - You spend time doing pointless research at , just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site. - You still think Thuke could happen (Actually I don't but.. I think Thalico will happen.). You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed. You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl. You read page 203 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head (PERCABETH!!) You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, tLO PJO and use it in conversations. You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?" Aww! Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose: me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says: The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver. When life gives you lemons . . . make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it. (OR) squirt 'em in peoples' eyes! Be insane- well behaved people never made history. My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ' Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'..and thus the word GOLF entered into the English Language. (Sexist Jerks) A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God? Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorit: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you think that the PJO series is the best series ever paste this to your profile If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile 98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile If you think Hades or Artemis are cool (not dating though), copy and past this to your profile If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" things, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you have an exceedingly long profile because of copy/paste items, copy this into your profile to make it even longer Twelve ways to know you're in love: TWELVE: You walk really slow when you're with them. ELEVEN: You feel shy whenever they're around. TEN: You smile when you hear their voice. NINE: When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him. SEVEN They're all you think about. SIX: You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them. FIVE: You would do anything just to see them. FOUR: While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time. THREE: You just smiled because it's true. TWO: You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number eight was missing. ONE: You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself. If this is happend to u (like it did to me) copy and paste it to your page Month one Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby. Month Two Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here. Month Three You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too. I cry with you even though you can't hear me. Month Four Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too. Month Five You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion? Month Six I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me! Month Seven Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy? Every Abortion Is Just: One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak. If you want abortion to end now, post this in your profile! Dear bullies, Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't. Your life would probably not be as harsh as theirs! Annabeth : It's hard to believe you can teleport using a stick. Hermione : This isn't a stick. It's a wand. You're the one to say. A cap that makes you disappear? Annabeth : It's simple physics. Now tell me what is the science on the splitting of souls. Hermione : Only after you explain to me the lack of DNA in all of you guys. Annabeth : After you explain how to make things float with words and a wand. Hermione : After you explain how a watch can become a giant shield. Annabeth : Hermione : Annabeth : Hermione : Annabeth : Hermione : At least our boyfriends don't sparkle. Annabeth : Right! Bella : HEY! 95% percent of girls would cry their hearts out if Justin Beiber were to jump off a cliff. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you would be one of the 5% who would bring popcorn. A wise man once said, "Ask a girl." God created man-THEN had a better idea and created women! Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over. The tooth fairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts. I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours. It's okay Pluto. I'm not a planet either. If people were all meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters. On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin. I was going to kill the ugliest person alive but then i thought I'd let your mom live one more day. Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is. You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail. I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves. Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything. Forecast for tonight: darkness If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do? I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. How come when you mix water with flour, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go? If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die. Hell is full of musical amateurs. I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes. If you had a life you would stop talking about mine Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop! Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later. There is no great genius without a mixture of madness When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me. Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor. PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch. We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh? Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah! Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway. I have a dream and in it, something eats you. Its sad your own mom dresses you like that. Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?! Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos? Making us all wish we were blind:Speedo. Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot. "To be is to do" Socrates "To do is to be" Sartre "Do be do be do." Sinatra You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you. Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI! Jesus saves. Passes to Moses, he shoots, he scores!! I'm not random! I'm just--HEY LOOK! A SQUIRREL!!! A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile and when I get tired I put the mirror down! Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know! Dear math: I am not a therapist. So solve your own problems. I want to kill the sexiest person alive, but suicides a crime. I wish I had Dora's parents… They let that girl go everywhere! I called your boyfriend "gay" and he hit me with his purse! When a lady had a nice time with a guy, she looks forward to the next moment, and the guy looks forward to the next chick. I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years. I'm not lazy… I'm just conserving energy! Girls spend the first ten years of their lives playing with Barbies, and the next ten years trying to look like one. No ociffer! I ain't toxercatered! - My dad Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . . I decided to burn lots of calories today, so I set a fat kid on fire. I want to merge My Space, Facebook, You Tube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT. Just because I'm cute doesn't mean I'm harmless. If you've ever threatened to exterminate your younger siblings, Copy/paste this on your profile, then grab the weapon of your choice and follow me. If the dark side has cookies and the light side has chocolate, does the middle have chocolate cookies? Go Middle!! People who don't know me think I'm quiet...people who DO know me wish I was. I intend to live forever, or die trying. My mom: It smells like manure! My dad's quoted answer: You just don't appreciate the smell of nature! My un-voiced opinion: Nature smells a lot like cow poop. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects. It's when they start to talk back that you need to worry. Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner. Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is. Wanna hear a joke? Miley Cyrus. The below statement is true. The above statement is false. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicated. Haven't they met themselves? If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you. I ROCK! Guitar hero told me. I tried being normal, but I didn't like it. There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe. Flying is not inherently dangerous--crashing is. The trouble with real life is that there is no background music. Hey stupid! Your sock is untied... If my calculations are correct...slinkies plus escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!! Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face. DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends. Three hundred sixty-four days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers. Yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that. So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you. Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done. Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when your 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? When you're in jail, a friend will visit you, a good friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying, "Dang, that was fun! Let's do it again!" I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. Being mature is overrated. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . . Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water! Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me. Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver. Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never gotten hit by a dictionary. When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you lemons, ask for the receipt. If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem. They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out. What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man? When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear. I'm not littering . . . just donating to the Earth. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months. What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week. Maybe this world is another planet's hell. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead. Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home. Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruit. Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger" And then it hits me. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. Yes I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around my room in my underwear, thank you very much. I ran with scissors, and lived! You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules. Smile: it makes people wonder what you're up to. Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep. The extinction of the dinosaurs was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide. Newscasters are the people who say, "Good Evening," then proceed to tell you why it's not. Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried to slam a revolving door. Dear America, Since you have unleashed on us the horror that is Miley Cyrus, we have decided to retaliate. Its name is Justin Beiber, and no one will be spared. Sincerely, Canada. We live in an age where the pizza guy gets to your house before the police do. I'm not prejudiced! I hate everyone equally! Flying is simple: Just throw yourself at the ground and miss! Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that. I swear Mario is a hobo. He wakes up every day in the same clothes, runs around in sewers collecting coins, and to buy what? MUSHROOMS! Ever noticed that "studying" is "student" and "dying" put together? Dear Guy-Sitting-Next-To-Me: Yeah, I see you copying me. But jokes on you. I didn't study either. When I die, friends will go to my funeral, good friends will cry at my funeral, but my best friend will change my Facebook status to "Chillin' With Jesus." It's always the last place you look... Of course it is! Why the Hades would I look after I already found it?! Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia? Yeah, I'm the idiot who: Throws mushrooms at a midget shouting, "Grow, Mario! Grow!" & throws my parrot at my piggy bank screaming, "ANGRY BIRDS!" if electricty comes from electrons does that mean morality comes from morons when life hands you lemons throw them back and say make your own dang lemonade! P.E.M.D.A.S.- Please Excuse My Dope Ass Swag! when you die in an elevator rember to press the UP! BUTTON 95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, copy and paste this into your profile 98% of teens would be screaming and crying if the Jonas Brothers were on the top of the Empire State Building, preparing to jump. If you're one of the 2% who would bring 3-D glasses, popcorn, and gather all of your friends to start chanting "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!", copy this into your profile. Justin Bieber falls off a building. 90% of the girls are crying. 9% are watching while eating popcorn. 1% are pushing Justin off the building. If you are part of that 9 or 1%, copy and paste this into your profile. ( I'm the 1%) 95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber went missing: Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 5% who would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick. ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash/) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) "The capital of Wyoming is 'W'! :3 " "Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." Random Sayings: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend...because they're shaper then knives. ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. God made men first, then he had a better idea! Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks. You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades. Relax. Nothing is ok. Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many. Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. If you can stay calm when everything around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly. Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?" I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive. Whoever said "words don't hurt" have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends poke you with straws. Earth is full. Go home. Flying is very simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. PMS - Possible Murder Suspect As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?" I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay. Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice! Curiosity killed whoever got in my way. I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Smile. It scares people. An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it! I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. The cops never find it as funny as you do. Reality is for people who lack imagination. If aliens are looking for intelligent life? WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?! The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train. Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS! Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had. The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas... You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars. The voices in my head don’t like you. If you think I'm crazy you should meet my mother. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? When your mom leaves you in the car alone for a few minutes, everyone outside immediately become rapist. Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door. I used to have a life but, that was before video games! (and fanfiction) The evening news always starts off by saying 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you exactly why it isn't. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected? Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is. The dumber people think you are , the more surprised they're going to be when your kill them! Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. Never doubt the power of an extremely pissed off woman Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why. Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history. If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . . Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A DUCK! I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face. Brunettes make better psychos ;) Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge. WARNING: Jumping into toxic waste does not give you super powers BAD spellers of the world 'UNTIE! I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours. Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but then it gets boring, so I go back to being me. When nothing goes right... go left. I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me. It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up. OOOH.. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn! Do NOT interrupt me when I am talking to myself. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems... Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow! You! Off my planet! The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back. Allow me to introduce my selves. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me. And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution. There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over. Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Not all men are annoying. . . . Some are dead. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. Make like a guillotine and head off. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now. If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends. I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it... If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty. All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun. I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous. Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now. WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus. If I throw a stick, will you go away? Best friends know how stupid you are and still choose to be with you in public. I am NOT saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it. Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal. You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. You say 'crazy' like it's a bad thing. I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me? When in doubt, make up words! When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full. Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? Congress? Thought so. I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it. If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed. If the music's too loud...you're too old When life throws you lemons...YOU THROW THE LEMONS IN LIFE'S FACE AND DEMAND FOR CUPCAKES! Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you. We are the people our parents warned us about. Please do not annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you. Facts of Life: Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Percabethtatorship. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Percabeth moment is worth 1 billion words. When taking the SAT, write "Percabeth" for every answer. You will score over 8000. Rick Riordan once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 100% chance of Percabeth. If at first you don't succeed, you're not a Percabeth shipper. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Percabeth never dies. To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Percabeth. All roads lead to Percabeth. And by the transitive property, total awesomeness. President Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And pairings that go against Percabeth." In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Percabeth. There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Percabeth . . . just kidding. Percabeth is first. There are two types of people in the world . . . people that suck, and Percabeth shippers. Only Percabeth can prevent forest fires. The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by a Percabeth shipper. (OR but only if the pen is riptide.) Most people know that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, ". . . a Percabeth shipper." He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Percabeth . . . dies. People have often asked the United States, "What is your secret weapon against terrorists?" We simply reply . . . Percabeth. Some people say that Percabeth is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead. Dear Yahoo, Dear 6, Dear Noah, Dear Impossible, Dear Voldemort, So they screwed up your nose too? Sincerely, Michael Jackson Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest. But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but every time I try Alice is at his window with a bat waiting for me. How does she kn- oooh...riiiiight Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends. It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up. OOOH.. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn! Do NOT interrupt me when I am talking to myself. Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow! You! Off my planet! The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back. Allow me to introduce my selves. Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over. Not all men are annoying. . . . Some are dead. I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep I'm not insensitive, I just don't care Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips. (I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT) A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught. Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid? Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I see regular people! Run for your lives! Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips. If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile. Smile. It confuses people. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? OK, so you know the speed of light. If you were smart you would know the speed of dark. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? There is such thing as a glass that never breaks. Its called plastic. Life, is like God's way of kicking your sorry butt out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!" Death, is like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..." "Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.." "I'm not a psycho, I'm a freaking retard. DUH" Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Sometimes when I'm alone in a room I like to say, “I know you’re listening” because if I'm wrong then no one heard, but if I'm right then I just freaked the heck out of some secret organization. To put it nicely, I hope you choke. The things you hear about me might be true, but they can be as fake as the bitch who told you. I AM IN SHAPE. and yes... Circle is a shape... The weirdest thing happened, I woke up with tears in my eyes and one rolling down my cheek. I knew I must've been dreaming of you. (AWs) Best friends: we're the kind of BFFs that would laugh at a joke 3 times. Once for when the joke is being told. Second time when someone explains to us. And five minutes later when we actually understand the joke. Strangers think I'm quiet. Friends think I'm out-going. My BFF knows that I'm an insane idiot. When you feel that no one loves you; no one cares for you; everyone is ignoring you; and people are jealous of you, you should really ask yourself. Am I too sexy? So here's to, the crap we talk, the guys we stalk, the way we shop, laughs we can't stop, the gossip we spill, the looks we could kill, we'll stay together, because we're best friends forever!! (this one's for my BFFS) We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just dont like you. We're not obsessed, we're BFF's. (also for my BFFS) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're a jerk. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Don't steal. The government hates the competition. I bet I can stop gambling. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. I intend to live forever. So far, so good 24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words. One minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder those sluts are so skinny?!? I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive for Christmas...I woke up in a box. We live in the era of the smart phones and stupid people. After Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F. Do you ever get that feeling you're being watched? Because if it bothers you, I'll stop. Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud. I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and are like: "Hey, what are you doing?" Oh, you know, hunting elephants. Everyone has the right to be stupid. But you are abusing the privilege. Everyone brings joy to my house (some when they enter, some when they leave). ME, sarcastic? Never... My Ex had one very annoying habit: breathing. In Mario, what doesn't kill you makes you smaller. If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd laugh and search with them. Yes, I'm just that broke. Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice how 'awesome' ends with me and 'ugly' starts with you. No, I'm not lying, but when you look at me like that, I can't help but smile. That mini heart attack you have when you reach in your pocket and can't find your phone. (Happens to me ALL the time!!!) I don't care what your gender is, I'm calling you dude! Me: I'm actually happy right now. Life: LOL! One sec... Don't break someone's heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206. Sleep is for the people without access to the internet. Christmas cards: You get dressed up in clothes that you NEVER wear, to go to exotic places where you NEVER go, to hug your family like you NEVER do, to send to people you don't like ANYWAY! My friend: Happiness is just around the corner. Me: The world is round, you idiot! "Algebra I'm not going to find your X. She's not coming back!" Please note: Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing. If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain" - Unknown "Sometimes you just really have to punch someone, you know?"- Unknown Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! Never argue with a pissed off me, I'll drag you down to the floor and beat you with a baseball bat. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. (Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder. I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in Histroy class. It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn! Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone. I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again. When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. Don't tell me you're going to rain on my parade. 'Cause I don't have a parade. I have a party! This is 'evil me'. 'Evil me' locked 'nice me' in a closet years ago. Question: Do you know who I am? You: Go to Hell! You: OMG did you just fall? Tell me ... is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted? You sound better with your mouth closed. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed. If I promise to miss you, will you go away? Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then it must be none of your business. “I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.” "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies? Sometimes, I sit and wonder what everything would be like if my life was the Percy Jackson series. Crazy, adventurous, love-filled, and exciting. Then I look at my real life and go "Wow, you really have a crappy, boring life." Bitch Quotes: If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cabbitch. Why are hoes like, "Oh, it's winter, I need a boyfriend to keep me warm."? No, bitch, you need to by a coat. Life's a bitch, then you marry one. When the smart kid at school corrects me, I'm like, "Bitch, I can burn your house down!" So, you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch. Well, listen bitch, it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch! I'm not a bitch, I'm THE bitch, and it's Ms. Bitch to you! If you don't have anything nice to say... say it anyways. That bitch needs to hear the truth. Love has made me the woman I am today,and will also make me the bitch I will be tomorrow. You say I should be straight, I say taste the rainbow! bitch! Lets face it bitch. You are jealous of me and you hate me because you know I'm so much better than you. B.I.T.C.H: Beautiful Individuals that Create Haters The rumors you heard about me may be true. But then again they might be as FAKE as the bitch that told you! 'All girls are the same'? bitch no. Maybe the slags you flirt with and then get rejected by are. I swept the shelves of merchandise, mopped the floors with savings. Then plowed through the bitch who tried to cut me in line. I cleaned on Black Friday. I gave that bitch a plunger, 'cause bitches love bringing up old shit. Sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch. I had no idea you thought it was a secret. I'm 10% sugar, 10% spice, but I'm 80% b*ch so you better be nice!!! Smiling at the bitch who hates you. Don't mess with someone else's relationship just because you can't get one. I don't hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank. When you're talking to your friend and you stop mid-sentence because the b*tch you don't like, walks by. No bitch fit, just a fit bitch. Who only drive bitch to make me feel terrific. Bitch please. You're as useless as the G in Lasagna. They say love is more important than money. bitch, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug? I'm allergic to haters. Side Affects: May cause me to slap a bitch. Something to remember: Karma is only a bitch if you are... Damn bitch. Replace your chapstick with a glue stick and stfu. That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you're like...Ummmmmmm no bitch. (TRUE STORY! HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! ASK DramaQueen1649 if you don't believe me!) A fuck nigga, that's that shit I don't like, nah. A snitch nigga, that's that shit I don't like, nah. A bitch nigga, that's that shit I don't like, nah. Sneak dissers that's that shit I don't like. (Chief Keif!) Facebook: Where bitches bitch about other bitches being bitches. They say lifes a bitch. Well you should see the look shes giving me. I wish fire trucks and ambulances played, 'Move bitch! Get out the way!' instead of using sirens. Maybe Karma wouldn't be so nasty if we stopped calling her a bitch. No girl wants to be called a b*tch, but once you put the word 'bad' in front of it, these girls feel honored. Witch, twitch, bitch! God, mother's right, this is World War 6. This hostage stuff is fun'-Alice Cullen 'Alice had a little too much fun fabricating evidence...'-Edward Cullen 'Does my being half-naked bother you?'-Jacob Black 'Speaking of Italy and sports cars I stole there, you still owe me a yellow porshe.'-Alice Cullen 'Oh how the tables have turned'-Joe Jonas 'Alice is an unstoppable force of nature.' Emmett: I gotta get home for the game Alice: They lose Emmett: Fuck you Alice, fuck you! I never got my letter from Hogwarts so I'm moving to Forks to live with the Cullens. Jacob Black eats the Jonas Brothers for breakfast. I kissed a vampire and I liked it. Jasper Hale laughs at your mood ring. Do that again and I will give you a paper cut right in front of Jasper. I want to LaPush Jacob Black off a cliff. Renesmee, Jacob made out with your mom...twice. Our friendship is tighter than the Jo Bros pants. Twilight without Jasper is to Harry Potter without Fred! When Voldi kills you, you come back as a vampire...fact! Cullen Law: Humans are friends, not food. Eagerly awaiting Midnight Sun! Warning: The movie Twilight may cause excessive drooling, shock and awe, desire, lust, passion, and quite possibly a heart attack. Summit Entertainment and the owners of this theater cannot be held liable because you've seen the pictures of the cast and know how hot Robert Pattinson is. Enjoy the movie and do please turn your damn cell phones off. Why do we need school? Music: we have YOUTUBE for that. Sports: there's a Wii. Spanish: there's Dora. English: everything's shortened anyway (LOL, BRB, IDK) Math: that's why we have calculators. Geography: I'll buy a globe. History: they're all dead. kissing is healthy. bananas are good for period pain. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. lying is actually unhealthy. you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!!WISH WISH WISH WISH! Your wish has just been received. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...Your wish will be granted Scary-a.. thing.. This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia Take three minutes and try this...it will freak you out...BUT NO CHEATING! This game has a funny/spooky outcome. Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It's worth a try. First...get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure you know the person and go with your first instinct. Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it! 1. First, write down the numbers 1 through 11 in a column. 2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2 write down any two numbers you want. 3. Beside 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. 4. Write down anyone's name (like friends or family) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots. 5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10, and 11. (Go with your instincts.) 6. Finally, make a wish. MY LIST 1. 15 2. 3 3. Seth 4. Kendall 5. Charlie 6. Ariel 7. T'Challa 8. I Knew You Were Trouble 9. American Idiot 10. Don't Push Me 11. Love On Top Wish: I wish I was a demi-god with awesome powers!!! ARE YOU DONE? And now the key for the game... 1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game. 2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love. 3. The person in 7 is the one you like but can't work out. 4. You care most about the person you put in 4. 5. The person you named in number 5 is the who knows you very well. 6. The person you named in 6 is your lucky star. 7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3. 8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7. 9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. 10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life. NOW...post this bulletin (don't reply) within the hour. IF you do, your wish will come true...If you don't it will become the opposite. 32 Things That Bougie People Like: 1. Milk products that come from basically anyplace but cows. That’s pretty bougie. I’m talking rice milk, soy milk, almond milk, sheep’s milk, goat’s milk. Why isn’t regular milk good enough for people anymore? 2. Virtually anything artisanal. I bet you they don’t have anything artisanal at the local Big Lots. Why does bougie food need to be so precious that artisans have to craft it before it hath be edible? 3. Regular, everyday foods that get bouge-ified. Like apples. An apple is something that just grows on a tree and you can just pluck it and eat it right there. That’s the point. But did you know that for $30 you can get a singlegourmet apple covered in various artesian chocolates and sprinkles? A $30 apple! 4. Lexus. A Lexus is a bougie car because it’s not nearly as plebeian as a Ford or a Kia, which is worse. But a Lexus is not quite at the level of a BMW or Mercedes. My cousins and I make fun of my mom because she recently got a Lexus, and she is very happy to explain to us non-Lexus owners how top of the line it is. We’re all, “Um, sit down, Bougie Betty. It’s not that hot.” 5. Unpaid Internships. Doing an unpaid internship in any industry is kind of bougie because it means, Hey, I can afford to work for absolutely no money! I know it’s hard to make it in this economy without getting your foot in the door somewhere, but still. 6. Coach bags. Coach bags are bougie because it’s luxury that’s not really luxury. But let’s not get lost in semantics. You can buy them at the mall, so I mean… 7. Ivy League Schools/Liberal Arts Colleges. Bougie people love liberal arts colleges and fancy East Coast schools because it gives them something to casually slide into conversations at dinner parties, which are also bougie. Somehow we think a glorified piece of paper that says you were in this place for four years and had threesomes with a billionaire and did cocaine with a famous person’s son makes you better than somebody who did the same thing at SUNY ONEONTA. 8. Dinner parties. Dinner parties are a bougie person’s wet dream because it’s the chance to show off those brand new Eames chairs (or the IKEA knockoffs, also bougie) and to break out the goblets with the family crest. 9. Private high schools. Is there any reason to have a $200,000 education before you even set foot in a college seminar? 10. Fighting to get your two year old into the most selective pre, pre-school in New York/LA/wherever. I know, I know — the delicate genius must becultivated. 11. The New Yorker. I feel so bougie every time I crack open The New Yorker, which I obviously only read on my iPad. 12. Asking people if they read “that article” in The New Yorker. 13. Art openings. There’s something automatically bougie about trying to explain a work of art so profound it cannot be understood by the lay people. 14. Anderson Cooper. 15. Designer Coffee. I don’t drink coffee, but the coffee drinkers I know take that black liquid very seriously. My friend once tried to order an Americano at a fancy coffee shop in Brooklyn that shall remain nameless. The barista refused. “We don’t make that.” Dang. 16. Brunch. 17. Rose champagne. Because a $500 bottle of liquid is always a great idea! 18. Ascots. 19. Whole Foods. There’s something magical about the ambiance at Whole Foods that gets you thinking, “Everything in here is going to uplift my spirits and make me a much better person.” 20. Electric cars. 21. Organic/free range foods. 22. Foreign languages. Knowing a foreign language is so bougie. Especially if it’s one nobody speaks, like Greek or Old French. 23. The most expensive things in any category. The more expensive it is, the better. $4 juices, $30 apples. Not paying less than $70 for dinner. 24. Opera. Opera is so bougie — the bougiest place to take a nap. 25. Foods that can’t be pronounced. 26. Seersucker pants. I mean, what else are you supposed to wear to St. Barts? Also bougie? Knowing about St. Barts. 27. Season tickets. 28. Anything with a designer logo plastered all over it. Louis Vuitton bags with the LV all over it. Marc Jacobs bags with the BIG label on it. We get it, we get it: you have LOTS of credit card debt. 29. Connecticut. Connecticut is so bougie — Yale, Wesleyan, Greenwich, Guilford. Overpriced antique markets. Beach houses. 30. Caring about the environment: recycling, getting a paper bag instead of a plastic one OR bringing your own bag. So bougie. 31. Lists. 32. Telling people, “I went to a small school outside of Boston.” I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty Hunger Games Addict’s Prayer: I promise to remember Rue When mockingbirds’ songs wake me I’ll think of Foxface every time I eat a strange new berry If my little sister pets a goat I promise to think of Prim And if my best friend acts depressed Then Gale; I’ll think of him When I toss some wood in the fire I’ll think of Katniss every time And I’ll always think of Peeta When my birthday cake’s sublime The Capitol will cross my mind When someone is unfair I’ll be sure to think of Clove Each time I pretend to care I’ll always think of Glimmer If someone’s pretty, but a dunce And Thresh will occupy my mind If I spare someone, something... Once Whenever I watch a reality show I will think of the Hunger Games I’ll always picture Haymitch Whenever someone calls me names I swear to think of Cato When homicidally inclined I’ll make sure I think of Effie When there’s nothing on my mind Yes, I swear to remember the Hunger Games And Catching Fire, too And Mockingjay THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE BOOK AND THE MOVIE 1. Since when can Poseidon show up outta the water really huge and MADE outta water, then shrink? Important Things I Learned From Rick Riordan Even cat goddesses like growling at birds. Underwater kisses are way better than normal ones. The five elements are earth, air, fire, water, and cheese. Children of rival gods can fall in love. No one really knows why the Egyptians wrote without vowels. Nemean lions can be defeated with freeze dried ice cream. Eating fruit bats is bad for your health. Contrary to popular belief, hellhounds can be domesticated. The Set animal does not appreciate being named Leroy. Yes, that twelve year old wearing a silver jacket is a goddess. Jackal headed gods can be very attractive. (VERy, VERY Attractive!) Math teachers really are evil. Set's secret name is Evil Day. (Use this to your advantage...) It's not easy to insult a daughter of Athena. Elvis was a magician. No, really. Do not trust the bald man who wants to sell you a water bed. Hieroglyphics are fun to read. A god of toilet paper can actualy be really cool. Demons will give you free samples if you ask nicely. If you hear a voice in your head, you're not crazy - you just have an uber-powerful god living inside you. WHAT A KISS MEANS Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready" What the gesture means... --Advice-- --Requirements-- If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now Here is Something I found on someones profile page-- I know I'm not perfect, BUT: Anything else you'd like to throw at me? Why America has some issues:[And yes, I AM American, but STILL...] 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods... On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater: Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! I like popcorn! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino... ect.) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own can of air freshener and spray it alot. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw paper-spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Use binoculars and stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Every time there is a gun shot on the movie scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn/peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end THE FOLLOWING MAY RESULT IN SUSPENSION,DETENTION AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT ENDS WITH -ION- 1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.) 2.After everything your teacher says ask why continuously. 3.If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask 'DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG' very loudly. 4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that simply reply,' wow I can tell you're a blast at parties!!' 5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream 'THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!!!' 6. Flick pieces of paper around the class. 7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, 'Your racist against paper aren't you?!?!' 8. Don't do your Homework. 9. When your teacher asks you why you didn't do your homework say 'I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you're the worst teacher ever' then sit there and smile sweetly. 10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say 'PROVE IT!' 11. When your teacher asks why you were late say 'My goldfish died.' Then burst into tears. 12.When handing in your homework write 'this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds' at the bottom. 13.When you leave the class bow and say, 'May the force be with you, young one.' 14. When the teacher turns the light off start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused. 15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you scream 'OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!' 16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena. 17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room. 18. Raise your hand and say I totally agree after everything your teacher says 19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow... 20. Speak in French. 21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume and say 'there was a disturbance' 22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well... 23. When your teacher says 'the homework's due now' say 'Oh! Give me a minute then.' 24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelled. 25. Run in the room screaming 'THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!' 26. When the teacher asks you why you are late say 'the queen/king is never late, everyone else is simply early.' 27. When a teacher asks you a question say 'I'm sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.' 28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector scream 'AAH MY EYES!!' 29. Tell yourself knock knock jokes then laugh loads. 30. Hide under your desk and yell 'THE SKY IS FALLING!' 31. When someone knocks on the door shout 'OH NO, THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!' 32. Bring in a 7 year old and says he's your new pet. 33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making say 'a nuclear bomb.' (0_0) 34. when your teacher asks you a question just stare at them. 35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice. 36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it. 37. If you're playing a really boring game make a big deal if you win. 38. Glue all their scissors together. 39. Make paperclip jewelery. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc 40. Pull out one strand of someone's hair and yell 'DNA!' 41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says 'I am retarded'(some people may be offended by this, if you are sorry) 42. Talk to a pen. 43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what's wrong, yell 'NO I WON'T SNOG YOU!' 44. Yell 'LIAR!' to everything they say. 45. Smile. All the time. 46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger everyday. One day when it's kind of big look at it and say 'It's spreading... IT'S SPREADING!' 47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance say 'everyone is missing.' Then, if they ask who you are, say 'Your worst Nightmare' 48. When you know the answer bounce up and down a go 'OOOHH I KNOW THIS' 49. When a teacher calls on you say 'Awww, I forgot' 50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song. 16 Things to do when you're in Wal-Mart! I bolded the ones I think are the funniest: 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off every 5-minutes. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares' and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme song. 11. In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna look'. 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!' 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 'NO! NO! It's those voices again!!' 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here!' 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting 'Go, Pikachu, Go!' 16. When you are at the cash paying, ask: 'Can I have fries with that? :.:7 Ways to Scare Your Roommates:.: 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..." 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer." Take Time To Read Each Sentence: This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is an cat This is idiot cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line DON'T WORRY... I FELL FOR IT, TOO!!!! One early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "When I was born I was black," "When I grew up I was black," "When I'm sick I'm black," "When I go in the sun I'm black," "When I'm cold I'm black," "When I die I'll be black." "But you sir..." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple." "And yet you have the nerve to call me colored" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Copy this onto your profile and help stop racism! OBAMA BEATS ROMNEY! TEAM OBAMA! ROMNEY SUCKS! Copy and paste this on your profile if you know the truth: Romney sucks. DORMITORY: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee! Next Tyler Perry movie: Baby Mama Reunions! Your Godly Parent is... ZEUS You like being in charge. 4/10 POSEIDON You feel at home in the water. 4/10 HADES You’re not that much of a people person. 8/10 (OMIGOSH!!! YAY! HADES!) DEMETER You own a garden. 2/10 ARES You often start fights. 6/10 (I kind of expected it. But I would never be a child of Ares. Children of Ares are...and...then their...) ATHENA You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. 6/10 (YAY!) APOLLO You’re very creative and artistic. (With words...) 4/10 (Wow,didn't think I'd score this high...) HUNTER OF ARTEMIS You dislike boys in general. (But... NICO di ANGELO!) 6/10 (YAY! HUNTER TIME!) HEPHAESTUS You have a way with tools. 0/10 APHRODITE Every guy/girl swoons for you. 2/10 HERMES You like pick pocketing your friends. (You just don't know...) 10/10 (YES! PRANKSTERS UNITE!!!!!) DIONYSUS You’re the life of the party. 2/10 (Thank the gods. No offense, Mr. D.) Did you know? Before you go to sleep at night there is 1 person from the The Eliminators irk the shit out of me. Every time they say something, it make me want to barf. I mean, FF police? Who the fuck runs from the cops anymore. Oh, and how they're such goody-two shoes. Come the fuck on. People, get with the program. Don't you all know that telling people what they can and can't do on FF is annoying. All they go on about is how they're the good guys, and how they're helping FF. Bullshit. If you want to help Fanfiction.net, quit your bitching. Oh, and they're so inconsiderate. I was reading they're forum (Who wouldn't? That shit is hilarious, watching them bitch about the PM's they get. As if they weren't the ones who caused it.) and I came across this post. They trolled (Never would've guessed) and made this person feel so bad, they quit FF. And then they were like, "Who cares?" What kind of asshole does that? I mean, dumb-ass much? PM me if you support the DOWN FALL of the Eliminators! 1st twelve of your characters from your fandom, in no particular order. 1. Nico 2. Annabeth 3. Percy 4. Thalia 5. Leo 6. Bianca 7. Hades 8. Rachel 9. Travis 10. Katie 11. Connor 12. Hylla 1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to? Bianca and Connor? Hmmmm, maybe... 2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Thalia? Um, no answer. 3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Hylla gets Rachel pregnant? Then science would have failed me! 4. Can you recall any fics about Nine? Yes. Mostly (ALL)Tratie. 5.Would Two and Six make a good couple? Annabeth and Bianca? No, I don't think so. 6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why? Leo/Travis or Leo/Katie? Neither, because Travis and Katie belong together! 7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out? Hades walks in on Annabeth and Hylla making out. His eyes would probably burn. 8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic. Percy is the bad boy at Goode high school, with a freshly broken heart, ever since his girlfriend left him for his cousin. Then, he meets small town country girl Katie. What will happen? Actually, this sounds pretty good... kinda. 9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff? Nico/Rachel? Actually, I've read some. Really good. So, yeah. 10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic. Hades/Hylla hurt/comfort? DO NOT READ THIS! There's your title! 11. What song would you choose for Eight? Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne 12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would be the warning? WARNING: This may cause you to be put in a mental asylum do to HORRIBLE pairing. You have been warned! 13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Um... A few days/weeks ago? 14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).” 14. "Nico and Hades are in a happy relationship until Hades runs off with Thalia. Nico, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Connor and a brief unhappy affair with Hylla, then follows the wise advice of Leo and finds true love with Percy.” First, Leo? Wise advice? Give me a break! Hades and his son? Actually, I've seen weirder pairings. But Hades/Thalia? Excuse me while I go vomit. Nico/Connor? Doesn't sound so bad. Nico/Hylla? Hylla, stay away from my man! Percy/Nico? Okay, that was probably the smartest thing said. ...,-(c\ \';-=',--, \'... One Dire_One Direc ?????????¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶????? BEAST BOY IS MINE, TOHAPPYFORMYOWNGOOD! MINE I TELL YOU! MINE! My friend (DramaQueen1649) sent me this by email, and I thought it needed to be posted online! Complications Natalie Mervin Do you wanna know her? Do you still wanna know her? So are you scared to know her? So are you still scared to know her? Read more at http://www.bestteenpoems.com/poem/complications#fTm1ghsX8geA7OFw.99 Re-post this to help people going through depression! ATTENTION ALL PJO LOVERS: I was on a field trip yesterday. While there, you. Will. Not. BELIEVE who I saw: Percy, Nico, Jason, and Annabeth! I swear! little-fox saw them, too! We totally flipped! How You Know I'm Fucked Up: I laugh, smile and sing along to a song that made tens of thousands of people commit suicide, but I get sad and depressed when I see a dying animal. R.I.P. Cat. May your children carry your legacy. | |||||
1. Reversed » reviewsThis is your regular PJO fic...WITH A TWIST! All the characters parents are switched. That means, SOME people are with the wrong person. FLAMERS: BRING IT ON! PERCABETH! May not seem like it, but it is. Don't like, you're free to flame. But I WILL get you back.Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,534 - Reviews: 24 - Updated: 5-3-13 - Published: 2-12-13 - Annabeth C. & Percy J.2. Invasion of the Super Sue's reviewsSo, I've noticed a lot of Sue's on the fandom. I wonder what would happen if Piper, Annabeth, Hazel, etc. had to face the Sue's. Everyone they know has been enchanted. Percabeth, Leyna, Frazel, Jasper, and more. Let the battle commence!Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 497 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 3-26-13 - Annabeth C. & Piper M.3. Back To School » reviewsYep, you guessed it! The Cullen's are back to school! Even little Nessie is off to middle school! R & R! Come on flamers. Flame me. I DARE you. OOC in my opinion! K! May change...Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,374 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 3-23-13 - Published: 3-13-13 - Renesmee C./Nessie & Bella4. Valentines Day: Kids Edition! » reviewsIt's Valentines Day. Series of Oneshots for PJO characters kids! R&R! Flamers welcome!Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,623 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 3-21-13 - Published: 3-6-13 - Annabeth C. & Percy J.5. Valentines Day » reviewsPercy, being the Seaweed Brain he is, forgets it's Valentines Day. Cute Future-Fic. Kinda OOC, in my opinion. Read and Review. Flamers, Bring. It. On.Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,015 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 2-26-13 - Published: 2-17-13 - Percy J. & Annabeth C. - Complete
