Poll: How would you all feel about a series of fics where my best friend and I end up in random universes? No Mary Sues, just two insane teens baffling all your favourite heroes like they've never been baffled before, and the odd wacky/dangerous/awesome adventure thrown in for good mesure. :) Vote Now!
Author has written 17 stories for Transformers, Transformers/Beast Wars, and Walking Dead.
'BRING BACK INVADER ZIM! BRING BACK INVADER ZIM! BRING BACK INVADER ZIM! PIT-IF-UL HUUUUMANS! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU CANCELED ZIIIIIM!!!!' My war chant. CURSE YOU NICK, CUUUUURSE YOUUUUUUUUU!!!
'TASK: Use the word 'benign' in a sentence
"You do not need the bible to justify love, but no better tool has ever been invented to 'justify' hate." Richard A. Weatherwax. You can hate me if you like for putting this up, but I wholeheartedly agree with this quote. Plus there's freedom of speech and everything, so whatever.
'Most girls are waiting for their Prince Charming. I'm not. I know for a fact that mine got distracted by a butterfly, fell off his horse and will one day bump into me when I'm out chasing rainbows.' Me. Feel free to use it.
"To truly live, is to leave traces." - Me, bored in college.
"When you feel angry or sad, just take a walk in the sunset. Watch the sun fold down over that hard-to-reach horizon. Watch the vibrant brushstrokes of pink and orange turn into velvet blackness. Watch the stars come out, look into the heavens and understand that no matter how bad life is, the universe just carries on living." - Me again, getting annoyed with a stupid guy in my college class who complains about anything.
"I can spot a prat from a mile away. I'm Jedi like that." Me, can't remember who what why or when. :P
"CALM DOWN YA SLUT!" Me, to my panicking BFF. :D Aren't I such a good friend?
"Why do we have lungs? Uh, I dunno sir, maybe to BREATHE WITH! Hey look, there's a spider on the floor. Do spiders breathe? Do they even have lungs? Do worms need to breathe? What about flies? Hey, if a fly loses it's wings, is it called a walk? And if humans suddenly grew wings, whould we have to rename ourselves 'Flewmans'?" Me, to my long suffering science teacher, after WAY too much sugar at lunch.
"WHO. HAS. THE. CAKE." Me, going into full 'kick you to hell' mode when my cake vanished randomly. DO. NOT. TOUCH. MY. MOST. PRECIOUS. CAKE!!!
-me and bff are talking about AvP-
Kelsey; "Aw. So sad that Scar died. He was so badass, but kinda cute at the same time y'know?"
Me; "Me too, him and Lex had so much potential as a relationship! I cannot believe they just killed him off like that!"
Kelsey; "It's criminal. It really is."
Kelsey; "Hey, imagine if they had a kid!
Me; "How awesome!? OMP! I HAVE TO WRITE THAT! I'm gonna call it 'Baby vs Predator' and have a clueless Scar get saddled with his new baby while Lex recovers. I dunno about you, but I'm seeing some funny mental images!"
Kelsey; "Ooooooooh, I'd bet Lex wouldn't even stop fighting whilst preggers! She'd be like some kind of pregnant warrior lady from the Amazon!"
Me; "You are chock full of good ideas! You're gonna be my brain from now on, kay?"
Kelsey; *does happy dance* "Yey! I'm a brain! *sobs* My mother will be so proud..."
Yes. We are both utterly mad. Most of our conversations end like this...
Basic facts about me;
Name; Zoe (That's Invader Zee to you smelly human wormbabies!)
Age; 16 and counting...
Human disguise; Brown hair, marblely-greeny-grey-eyes with brown and blue flecks. I am short and slim, but I make up for my lack of height with my wealth of insanity and loudness!
True Irken form; Short, green skin, slightly curled antenna, large ruby red eyes. Invader uniform is dark crimson with black gloves and boots.
Level of Insanity, scale of 1-10;
Level 100. "I GOTZA GET ME A MONKEY WEARING A WAISTCOAT MADE OF BACON, RIDING A CYBORG UNICORN ABOUT TO CRASH LAND ON MARS!!!!! Now...WHO'S STOLEN MY MINI-PIZZA'S!? I need them if I am to save this world. Sanity is the enemy, it must be eliminated!!! TARGET FOUND!" *picks up a packet of cheese slices* "CHAAAARGE!!!"
What I love with all my squeedlyspooch;
Inspirational people, Transformers (WHO DOESN'T?!?!), Ayumi Hamasaki (DAMN STRAIGHT!), babies laughing, Invader Zim, Assassins Creed, St Trinians, The Walking Dead, cakes, horses, chips and beans, fashion design, ancient cultures and anything historical, teddies, rainbows, my family and friends, PIGGIES, my hair, staying in bed until the afternoon, mysterious people...the list is...ENDLESS!
What I hate with all the FURY OF THE IRKEN EMPIRE!;
Justin Beiber, (BOO! DIE! DIE A AGAONIZING DEATH!), Twilight books, films and cast (KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!), bananas, child beauty padgents *shudders in disgust* , racism and sexism, world leaders, girls who sleep around, snotty rich kids, rude people in general, annoying children that you would quite happily shoot, people who don't read books, people who complain about how bad their lives are when they lead better lives than other people in the world who literally have nothing.
Fave Singers/Bands/Musical Composers
Ayumi Hamasaki, Thomas Bergersen, Two Steps From Hell, Adrian Von Zeigler, P!nk, Breaking Benjamin, ACDC, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Bon Jovi, Owl City, Avril Lavigne, Yang Mi, Ruby Lin, Three Days Grace, My Chemical Romance, Taylor Swift, Shontelle, The Banned Of St Trinians, Adele...phew...I think that's most of them...I have a very wide musical taste!
Fave Movies/TV Shows
Absolutely anything to do with Transformers (not Kiss Players. No, just NO! There are lines you just DO NOT CROSS!), The Walking Dead, Castle, CSI, NCIS, St Trinians, Invader Zim, Merlin, Doctor Who, Horrible Histories. Gah, I'll get back to you on this one...SO MUCH TV, SO LITTLE TIME!!
RAGE Corner. A collection of random rants.
QUIT IT WITH THE MARY SUES!!! Argh! This is driving me INSANE(er)! Will you all just stop writing overly perfect characters that have such ridiculously 'tragic' lives, never make mistakes, are so 'beautiful' that they burn people's eyes out, have magical or god-like powers, and are loved by all. Creating a Mary Sue will gain you absolutley no popularity on this site, it will instead drive readers away, simply because contrary to the Sueish Rule, nobody actually likes Sues in any way shape or form. GOT IT?! Good.
For the love of soapy waffles, will people STOP writing down the exact height mesurments of their characters? Seriously, pack the hell in with it. I don't particularly care if Janey Doe Charlston is 5'6 when she's not wearing heels, just get on with the damn story!
Homophobia isn't a real word people. A phobia means you're AFRAID of something. People who are 'homophobic' are not afraid of gay people at all. They hate them and want to make their lives hell simply because they chose a different lifestyle, but they're not scared of them. Stop making hatred and predjudice into a medical issue. Because it's not. It's just a bunch of narrow minded bellends that can't see past their own nose end.
Religion is fine. I'm very inclined towards Buddism myself. Just don't shove it down my throat or anyone else's, okay? Stop telling the world that you're Christian/Catholic/Muslim/ or whatever. Nobody cares, and filling up your whole profile with bible an other holy books quotes, 'jeebus/allah/ect is my saviour' things, 'true' stories about god(s) ect, is not going to make you seem any better than the rest of us. My very best friend is Christian, and she never bothers to tell anyone, because as far as she's concerned, what difference does it make? If you're religious, then be religious, but please don't advertise it to the rest of the world. That's just going to make you a target for any tossers out there who love to troll people.
Enjoy this little glimpse into life with Cybertronians. :D
1. Optimus Prime
What would you do if...
1 woke you up in the middle of the night?
Me; *still half asleep* Urgh...*mumbles incoherently* No I don’ have your cheese...Huh, wha? Whuzgoinon?
OP; Sorry to bother you, but this is rather urgent.
Me; *sits bolt upright* Is Elita and the baby okay?! Did someone die?! Are you hurt?! Are Wheeljack’s secret army of giant mutant hamsters attacking the base with missile guided jars of dirt that explode on impact with cream cheese?! *genuine panic*
OP; Yes. No. No. And...what? Actually, Sam sent me. Apparently he and Carly had a major argument which resulted in Carly punching Sam and then throwing him out. I think he needs you to reconcile them. Again.
Me; *folds arms* Optimus, you’re the awe-inspiring leader of an entire race, have a beautiful, kickass sparkmate, two gorgeous children and another on the way. I on the other hand, am sixteen, have the mental age of a hyperactive unicorn at a pixie family reunion, have never had a serious boyfriend and have no intention of getting one for a while yet. You are far more qualified to settle problems with relationships than I am.
OP; But Elita and I have never quarrelled! Sparkmates do not get even angry with each other, let alone physically harm their bonded. I have no idea what to do. Please, I am begging you! He’s crying, and you know how I hate it when humans cry!
Me; *gets out of bed* FINE! *mutters* I'm gonna start charging for this...fifty quid a fragging time! That’ll stop them from arguing...
2 asked you to go out with him/her?
Jazz; Listen hon, we’ve known each other for ages, and we’ve had some good times yea? And since tha’ last brilliant prank, I kinda realised I like you, like, like more than a friend. So how about it babydoll? *pulls out irresistibly adorable expression*
Me; You know what? Yeah I’d love to! How many people out there can say they're going out with an alien? But don't get too hyped up, you know it’s not good for y-
Jazz; Was...was that a yes? *begins dancing* WOOHOO! Ah gotta tell EVERYONE I KNOW! EVEN THOSE I DON'T! INTERNET, HERE I COME!
Me; *facepalm* What have I let myself in for?
3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering?
Me; *drops shampoo for sixteenth time* Oh for Primus sake! *talking to Arcee on a comm. link.* I get woken up by Optimus at half twelve at night to sort out Sam and Carly, practically the whole planet knows I’m going out with Jazz thanks to my Twitter account and a certain over-excited super sexy silver Pontiac, and now my hair products are launching a rebellion! Is it just me, or does the universe have something against my soul?
Bumblebee; *has heard me talking and walks in* Oh, what's this place? I’ve never been in your quarters before and – OH PRIMUS I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! *runs out with hands over eyes*
Me; *pokes head out from behind shower curtain* Eh? What’s he so embarrassed about? There's a curtain between us, it’s not like he can see anything.
Arcee; *on comm. link.* This is Bee we’re talking about. He blushes when he sees Hollie in her swimsuit. The full one.
Me; *rolls eyes in despair* Primus help him when he wants to know where babies come from. That’ll be an interesting talk.
Arcee; Ratchet’s doing it. I refuse.
4 announced he's/she's going to marry 9 tomorrow?
Me; *dramatically kicks open door* What the frag!? Ironhide, dude, you’re BONDED!! It’s not physically POSSIBLE for you to be in love with another! And Hollie, I can't believe you! You home-wrecking whore!
Hollie; WHAT?! No, no no! Zoe, really! It’s not like that!!!
IH; Slag it to the Pit! I knew I should never have agreed to help you with your drama homework!
Hollie; But ‘Hide, you make a great Prince Charming! Don't give up on me now!
Me; *falls over laughing* HAHAHA! Prince Charming?! There's not a charming metal bone in his body!
IH; ‘Course there is. I got charm comin’ right outta my aft.
Me; Uh...yeah. Real charming ‘Hide, real charming.
5 cooked you dinner?
Me; Aw! Thanks Ratchet!
Ratchet; Humph. No problem.
Me; Uh...Ratch? Are there...VEGETABLES in this?
Ratchet; Yes. All five of a human’s guideline daily amount. You never eat anything even remotely healthy, so I figured I should completely fulfil my duties as CMO and give you a healthy dinner.
Me; *look of purest, most disgusted horror* THE...THE VILE GREEN POISON! OH IT BURNS US! IT BUUUUUURNS US!!!!! WHERE IS THE MEAT?! WHERE IS THE PRECIOUS!? *flails around*
6 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?
Me; *snickers* Heehee. Now’s my chance! *sneaks off and returns with Jazz*
Jazz; Wow, she really is asleep!
Me; Duh! Now honey, do you remember the plan?
Jazz; *holds up trusty prank kit* Need I say more?
(Two hours later, an enraged Moonracer is chasing Jazz and I around the beach with the words ‘I’m a naughty nurse. Come give me my nightlong treatment, doctor.’ written over her chestplates.)
7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family?
Elita; Zoe, could I talk to you for a moment?
Me; Sure boss! How’s the baby? Doing okay?
Elita; *pats stomach* The little one is developing very nicely. Ratchet thinks it might be a little mech.
Me; Aw! Too cute! You already have two girls, so a boy will be a new adventure.
Elita; Yes, anyway, there’s something I have to tell you. *hesitates* We’re, um, well, you and I are related. I’m your older sister. No joke.
Me; O.O Whutdafuc!? My mother better have a damn good explanation for this! Elle-you...how...I don't-how would a Human and a Cybertronian even...O.o Ew, CANNOT. UNSEE!
Elita; Hahahahaha! FOOLED YOU! Oh Primus! You should have seen your FACE! *laughs so hard she falls off the chair*
Me; *glares* You won't be laughing during childbirth missy. Hope you like pain, because the Agony Express is heading right your way. Choo! Choo! Ticket for one please!
Elita; *sobers up* Frag! Will you stop reminding me about that?!
8 got into the hospital somehow?
Me; If Chromia ended up in the medbay? I wouldn’t react. She’s usually in there for one reason or another.
Chromia; Oh, nice to see you would have some concern for my wellbeing then.
Me; ‘Mia, you’re damn force of nature. As far as I’ve seen, you can’t be harmed past the occasional bump or dent. No point being concerned, where there is no concern needed. *smiles like a rainbow*
Chromia; Well, when you put it that way...
9 made fun of your friends?
Me; Gee Hollie, that was uncalled for.
Hollie; Not really, two of them stole my cola.
Me; Harley and Sarah didn't know that can was yours! You should have put a label on it before sticking it in the team fridge.
Hollie; One of them nearly hit me with one of ‘Jacks grapple things!
Me; Okay, Kirsty didn't see you walking past! She said she was sorry and everything.
Hollie; What about the other one, you know, the one that nearly killed me. Twice.
Me; Don't worry, that's Kelsey, she almost kills a lot of people during the course of a day. It’s nothing personal, she’s just a little bit clumsy sometimes.
10 gives you a bagel. Do you eat it?
Me; A bagel? Off Sam? Are you mad!? You never eat anything Sam gives you. Usually, it’s either well past the sell-by date or he’s trying to prank you somehow. Case closed.
Wheeljack; *peers intently at bagel* No, no prank in this one. It looks fine actually.
Me; *points* Oh yeah? So why does it have a giant patch of mould on the side?
Wheeljack; Huh. Well, I guess you were right.
Me; You see!?
4 kisses 8. What's your reaction?
Me; AWWWWWWWWWW! ‘HIDE GAVE ‘MIA A KISSY!!! TOO CUUUUUTE!! *squee attack*
IH; Pipe down squishy.
Chromia; Yeah, we’re trying to have a romantic moment over here!
Me; *is still squealing* OMIGOSH! WHERE’S MY CAMERA!! I needs to capture this moment forever!!
7 is missing. Where do you go to look for him/her?
Me; Uh duh, wherever OP is. And if OP is missing, then you just have to keep an eye out for Elita. Those two are always together. Well, I suppose it makes sense, they are sparkmates after all.
Jazz; Yup. Nothin’ else to say about that really.
Me; And if you can't find either of them, then most likely they’re...*ahem*...otherwise engaged...if you know what I mean.
Does 9 trust 1?
Hollie; What kind of question is that!? How could anyone not trust OP? That has to be some kind of unbreakable universal rule or something!
Optimus; Why thank you.
Me; Wow, this is a polite conversation.
Optimus; I know. What in the name of Primus is wrong with us?
Hollie; We have to stop this conversation before, Primus forbid, we all turn...nice.
Optimus and Me; *shudders*
10 hates you, why?
Me; It’s Sam. He hates anyone who threatens his overblown ego.
Sam; You ever thought that maybe it has something to do with the fact that you threw custard all over me, then ran off and told Ratchet that I’d contracted a very rare disease that caused the human body to produce yellow mucus from the pores.
Me; Well, you said you were bored. So I gave you something to do.
Sam; Spending four hours in the medbay with a hysterical Ratchet is NOT what I had in mind when I said I needed something to do!
Me; Drama queen.
2 and 6 are fighting. What do you do?
Me; Place your bets, place your bets here ladies and gents!
Prowl; I do not believe that gambling is allowed on base.
Me; Aw ‘cmon, Moonracer has been itching to kick Jazz’s aft since that time on the beach. I’ll bet you fifty quid I’m next on her hitlist.
Prowl; Fair enough.
10 ignored you all the time?
Me; Oh, goody! No more over-dramatic cousin whining on in my ear. Oh happy days! Such joyous rapture hath never been borne!
Jazz; I thought you hated Shakespeare?
Me; I do. His plays are rubbish and make no sense, his sonnets need a lot of work before they’re even vaguely intelligent. And as much as the experts try and deny it, he was so obviously gay too.
Jazz; He was?
Me; Oh yeah, totally. We’re talking about the guy who wrote a love poem to another guy. Do the words ‘how can I compare thee to a summers day’ ring a bell?
Jazz; Okay so, he was telling the other dude that he thought he was hot?
Me; Pretty much.
Jazz; Deep. *sarcasm*
You're about to marry number 10. What's 6's reaction?
Moonracer; WHAT IN THE NAME OF PRIMUS!? YOU’RE RELATED!
Sam; Chill out ‘race. She’s helping me practice proposing to Carly.
Moonracer; *raises optical ridge* You need to practice that?
Me; He keeps getting the words wrong. Sad isn’t it?
Number 1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?
Me; Uh, do I even NEED to answer that? *ticks reasons off fingers* He’s hot as hell, he’s got an amazing voice, he’s a perfect husband and father, is also the leader of a whole race, looks sexy when even when he’s depressed and especially when he’s angry, *continues to list reasons*
Elita; I agree with everything. He’s also good in the-
Me; OKAY! WAY too much info there Elle.
Elita; What? I was always to taught to tell the truth while growing up.
Me; The word 'tact' is utterly lost on you isn't it?
Off all ten, who is the most intelligent?
Me; Hmm. Hard choice. Hard choice indeed. It’s impossible to chose to be honest. They’re all clever in their own way. Bee is an amazing scout, Jazz is a brilliant saboteur, Ratchet is the best doctor in the universe, Ironhide and Chromia are the toughest and most protective fighters ever-
Hollie; Aw. That’s nice of you.
Me; I'm not finished yet! Moonracer is the best sharpshooter in the galaxy, Hollie and Sam are the most infuriating, lovable and confusing beings the ‘bots have ever encountered, and Optimus and Elita are the greatest, bravest, most compassionate leaders the universe has ever seen.
Hollie; Don't forget yourself.
Me; Oh moi? I'm just the nutty comic relief who always survives because her sheer dumb luck and stubbornness forbids anything less.
48 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME UNTIL YOU READ THIS:
1. What colour is your toothbrush
Hmmm...I think it’s blue. Don't quote me on it though...
2. Name one person who made you smile today.
My mum. She's the bestest. Correction, the fantasticist!
3. What were you doing at 8:00 am this morning?
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Reading an epic new fic I found.
5. What is your favourite chocolate bar?
6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
HAHAHA! No way! The only people in those places are dumb whores with no qualifications, and lowlife no-good guys who think women are nothing more than ornaments.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"I wanna taco!" *is watching IZ*
8. What is your favourite ice cream flavour?
Vanilla. Nothing fancy, just plain old vanilla.
9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Tea. I live off of that marvellous liquid.
10. Do you like your wallet?
Yeah, it’s a traditionally made Chinese purse. Gorgeous embroidery work on it.
11. What was the last thing you ate?
Skittles. But I only like the red and purple ones. :)
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nah. But I'm going to at the weekend. I need some bootcut jeans, a few pairs of jeggings and another blouse.
13. What was the last sporting event you watched?
I don't watch sport. It bores me. *yawn*
14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?
I don't like popcorn that much really.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
My bff, Kelsey.
16. Have you ever gone camping?
Nope. Camping is rubbish.
17. Do you take vitamins daily?
No. *looks confused* Why would you do that? Unless you had medical reasons...
18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
scratches head* What's a...church? Haha! Nah I’m kidding. I’m actually part Buddhist part my own spiritual ideology, so no I would never go to church.
19.Do you have a tan?
Kinda. My natural skin colour is darker than other people's, does that count?
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
Oh yeah, totally. Pizza is okay, but there’s no way I’d pass up my noodles, spicy chicken and dim sum dumplings for it.
21. Do you drink your pop with a straw?
No. It ruins the taste.
22. What did your last text message say?
‘Haha! Yeah, that sounds like something I would do!’.
Yes Kelsey, accidently falling backwards off the Empire State building is definitely something you would do!
23. What are you doing tomorrow?
NOTHING! Well, okay, maybe I'll do some writing...
24. Look to your left, what do you see?
The end of my bed. And my dogs. They're here to get cuddles.
25.What colour is your watch?
Don't have one now. My old one was white and navy.
26. What do you think when you hear "Australia?"
27. What is your birthstone?
Buggered if I know. :D
28. Do you eat in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Eat in. I’m too lazy to walk out of the restaurant, and I don't have a car.
29. What is your favourite number?
I hate numbers. Reminds me of maths. I HATE MATHS!!! *grrr*
30. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
Mum, I think. Telling her to put the kettle on.
31. Any plans today?
You betcha. Laptop, food, Fanfiction, writing, bed.
32. How many states have you lived in?
None. I live in England.
33. What's your biggest annoyance right now?
THAT CHRISTMAS HAS PASSED, AND I STILL DON'T OWN A TARDIS! D: OR BUMBLEBEE!! CURSE YOU SANTA! CUUUURSE YOUUUUUUUUUU!
34. What was the three last songs you listened to?
Ayumi Hamasaki; Microphone
Thomas Bergersen; Femme Fatale
Adrian Von Zeigler; Heaven's Touch (I've personally renamed it as 'Optimus and Elita's Theme'.)
35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Nope! Forwards is easy, but I get confuddled backwards.
36. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
Oh yeah. We also have afternoon tea in the rose garden. *feel the sarcasm*
37. What is your favourite pair of shoes that you wear all the time?
My boots. I plan to paint an Autobot insignia on them. ;)
38. Are you jealous of anyone?
No way. I like myself just the way I am, and I would never change for anything.
39. Is anyone jealous of you?
Maybe, I don't really care.
40. Are you in love with anyone?
Do the Autobots count?
...mmm that Jazz fellow, smooth talker...OP has a nice voice, hot stuff right there...oooh, and Prowl is über sexy, but he just doesn't know it...Blurr is adorable...Bee is too...hmm, now that I think about it, human men pale in comparison to Cybertronian males. Sorry dudes, but this chick is goin' for the 'bots.
41. Do your friends have children?
Heck no! The oldest of my friends is only 18!
42. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
43. Do you use the word "Hello" daily?
No, I say ‘ey up!’ or 'howie owa!'.
44. What colour is your car?
Don't have one. But if I did, it would be yellow with black stripes. BUMBLEBEE!
45. Do you like cats?
I love all animals. :D
46. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Hold on, lemme search my brain for the answer.
No, I’m thinking about ducks. Not people.
47. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Where the frag is Six Flags?! I know of Six Lasers, it’s a fairground on Cybertron. ;D
48. How did you get your worst scar?
Getting my appendix removed. *shudders* NEVER, I repeat, NEVER get that done if you don't have to. DO YOU HEAR ME!?! N.E.V.E.R!!!
You know you are a true Invader Zim fan when:
1. You have a sudden craving to squeeze a rubber piggy.
2. You don't listen to politicians speeches anymore... you just vote for the tallest one.
3. Martians existed. And you know exactly what happened to them.
4. You pass out meat on Valentine's day instead of candy.
5. You talk in third person.
6. You block up your chimney on Christmas because you fear San-Ta's 'jolly boots of doom'.
7. The most terrifying image you can come up with is a moose eating walnuts. *shudders*
8. You check your soap for bacon... just in case.
9. When you get a zit, you name it Pustulio and insist that he has hypnotic powers.(LISTEN TO PUSTULIO! HE IS YOUR MASTER!)
10. When a dog follows you, you're frightened that you're turning into baloney.
11. Chihuahuas are frightening creatures...
12. Tuna is worth NOTHING anymore.
13. Waffles are the best food in the world. Period. Full stop. The end.
14. Being 'normal' is important beyond all else. *I AM NORMAL, NO ALIENS HERE!*
15. You've begun to wonder if your teacher can survive in the sun or not.
16. You've suspected that the nearby hot dog stand is controlled by aliens.
17. You wear a trench coat everywhere.
18. You don't eat proper meals anymore; only snacks.
19. You've tried to convert your basement into a secret base.
20. When someone calls you stupid, you respond with 'I'm not stupid. I'm ADVANCED'!
21. You quote GIR at every possible moment.
22. You get angry when people say Invader Zim is 'dark'. Stupid wormbabies with their pathetic excuses for brainmeats. They just don't know when they're watching a masterpiece.
23. When faced with an awkward situation, you respond with one of these quotes;
- "HEY LOOK! Someone's making doughnuts!" *runs off*
- "AHM DANCIN' LIKE A MONKEH!" *dances around*
- "Imma roll around on the floor for a little bit, kay?"
24. You gave OHP and Project; Massive all your support.
25. You do fanart about the characters.
26. You've begun to wonder if that kid you never liked at school was Dib in disguise...
How to tell if you are a Transformers Nerd! (I do ALL of these, but my most common things to do are in bold!)
1. You see the mathematical sigma symbol and immediately think Alpha Trion guards it XD
2. You see simple words and immediately think of TF characters (hound, prowl, brawn, sound wave, shock wave, sea spray, bumblebee, blur, mirage, prime etc.)
3. You see a wrench and think of something along the lines of it being thrown at somebody's head
4. You find yourself picturing cars as different mechs/femmes
5. When someone says robots don't have feelings, you yell "RACIST!"
6. When you hear the word boombox you think of either blaster or soundwave
7. You spazz over something that relates to Transformers
8. You know what's happening/going to happen/what they're talking about before they explain in the new Transformers shows/movies
9. You have a crush on a Transformer. (Several...those hunky Cybertronian men are just far better looking and have better personalities that human males...plus I really like their protoforms...)
10. You hate Michael Bay a little bit, but watched the movies anyways because you love Transformers THAT much!
11. Your doodles are Transformers
12. You take your situation and ask yourself, "What would -insert character here- do?"
13. You use Transformer slang (slag, frag, scrap, primus, etc.)
14. You knew Skids from when he was in G1
15. You ALMOST resisted watching season 3 and 4 of G1 because most of the mechs you knew and loved died.
16. You recognize which g1 episodes other shows and comics use
17. You know unpopular/not well known characters (Drift/Deadlock, Wing, Devcon, etc.)
18. You spazzed when Bombshell's form/the swarm appeared on TFP
19. You know Transfomrer talk/parts (t-cog, spark, spark chamber, processor, sparkcore stabilizer, vector sigma, the original 13, primus, unicron, audio receptor, transmission signal, etc.)
20. Optimus vs Megatron are your Superbowl or World Cup
21. You want to assasinate TF haters and make sure they die slowly. (I think I'm related to Megatron...)
22. YOU HATE MEGAN FOX!!
23. You cry when a character dies or become depressed for a day/week/month or so. *bawls like a baby* "WHY IRONHIDE?!?! WHY?!"
24. You have a Transformer sticker/magnet of some kind on your car and get mad at another car who has the opposite faction
25. You know the Cybertronian history by heart
26. You own at least one Transformers video game
27. You own an action figure of some kind
28. You find yourself relating your life to a transformer
29. You write fanfictions about transformers
30. You can name more than 60 characters off the top of your head
31. You have at least one transformers shirt
32. You love jets because of Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp
33. You love the color that your favorite transformer is
34. You feel bad for the underdogs who are misunderstood
35. You have at least some anger towards Hot Rod in the 1986 movie
36. You have several Transformers songs and musical themes on your MP3
37. You're sitting up late in bed typing this list
38. You know all of the songs in the first TF movie EVER
39. You have all the g1 season on DVD and the original movie
40. You think about what transformer your friends/family/teachers/etc. would be
41. You do transformers role plays
42. Something transformers related appears in your browser history daily
43. You admire Optimus and Megatron. OP cuz he's just so lovely and sweet, and Megs cuz he's adorably evil.
44. You daydream about transformers. (All the time!)
45. You can diagnose different transformers with psychological disorders...
46. You have rewatched several transformers movies
47. You have a transformer background on your computer or phone
48. You have submitted several transformers stories to FF
49. You know each mech/femme's personality and quirks
50. You question why G1 Megatron can only turn into a gun but still find it cool
51. You make the transforming 'kikokikokich' noise when performing mundane household tasks like opening up the washing machine
52. You laughed when TFP Wheeljack blew up the gas station because that's the typical Wheeljack!
53. You named something you own after a transformer. Okay...EVERYTHING YOU OWN!
54. You use the universal greeting when meeting someone for the first time and/or when you answer the phone. Brownie points if you have the matching hand symbols memorized from TFA!
55. You actually enjoy the Transformers movies because we got what we were promised, giant robots and explosions!
56. You have several transformer OCs
57. You have a space background if not a transformers background
58. You find some of the characters inspiring
59. You paint a Gundam model like Optimus Prime
60. You see a red semi truck and think to yourself, "OMG I just saw Optimus Prime." *IN LOVE*
61. You have "You've got the touch" as a ringtone
62. You sit by an electrical transformer, waiting for it to transform. (I cannot tell you how excited I was when dad told me to fetch the transformer when I was five...then my devastation at finding out it was NOT as I expected. *dreams crushed*)
63. You start blaming accidents on you taking out Decepticons, one by one
64. You also blame car accidents on evil Decepticons
65. You need a box of tissues everytime you watch Optimus Prime die, no matter what universe, no matter how many times you watch it. *sniffles
66. You have Optimus Primes narratives memorized. He's so smart...
67. You imagined 2012 as the year Cybertron appeared in the sky (I WISH!!)
68. You automatically write Decepticon instead of deception, December, or any other similar word
69. You will do anything to become a transformer. I mean ANYTHING!!!!
70. You think Peter Cullen and Frank Welker are the ONLY voices of Optimus Prime and Megatron, though the guy who did Megsie's voice in the movies was brilliant too!
71. You watch the Bayformers and think of better vehicle modes for the Autobots and Decepticons
72. You want to strap Michael Bay down to a chair and explain to him that Cybertronians have feelings too.
73. You carry a transformer everywhere you go (EVEN TO COLLEGE! I love you Bumblebee plushie!)
74. You convince yourself watching Transformers is revising for a science exam. I told my science teacher this. He agreed, and the whole class had a TF-athon spanning three lessons...LOVE YOU MR GARGETT!
75. You look at your car hoping it transforms one day. (I SWEAR I saw it move...)
76. You think of the Hoover Dam only as the landing site of the AllSpark.
77. You think the Easter Bunny is really Cyclonus
78. You immediately think of Optimus Prime when someone says the colors red, white, or blue
79. You get pissed off at someone for saying a transformer's name wrong
80. You see a police car, wolf whistle and yell: "Lookin' good Prowl!" or something along those lines xD
81. Every time you see the word 'unicorn' you always read it as 'unicron' first. Therefore, you can never watch or look even look at the cover of the movie "The Last Unicorn" the same way again.
82. You can't name any of your video game characters, children or pets after anything but a Transformer.
83. Everyone and everything reminds you of Transformers in some way.
84. You become addicted to TFwiki, and/or get annoyed when people don't put accurate information on.
85. You wear Transformer themed clothing in public. I'm a TFLover, don't like it, you can get fucked!
86. You dream about them, and you even dream you're one of them.
87. You squeal at the comics in comic book store or at the screen while watching your favorite TF show when something gasp-worthy happens. Such as, YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER JUST MADE THE CUTEST FACE EVER, OR STABBED HIMSELF! OMP!
88. You find any and all Transformer-related jokes way more funny than everyone else does.
89. Someone says that "Transformers just sucks" you just wanna "Tear apart their exhaust-port".
90. You think G1 Optimus & Elita are your real parents. *sigh* True love...
91. You hear someone say "Gridlock" you think of "Grimlock, Leader of the Dinobots"
92. Every time you see a wasp/hornet/bee Waspinator comes to mind
93. You say "Til All Are One" everytime someone you love dies or you remember them
94. Every time Rattrap says something negative or at the wrong time you just say "Shut up, Rattrap."
95. You immediately think of TFP Arcee is Tigatron and Airazor's daughter/sparkling everytime you see or hear her
96. You heard Soundwave and couldn't help but say "As you command Megatron." during DOTM. (Kelsey and I yelled this aloud in his voice. The people in the cinema thought it was hilarious!
97. Stood up while screaming "NOOOO!!!!!" when you saw Megatron shoot Optimus's Spark and/or when Starscream destroyed the Xanthium at home and/or in the theater. (IN MY DEFENCE! I was not the only one. The whole cinema got infected by my enthusuiasm and joined in crying.)
98. Waspinator is blown to scrap you laugh even harder when BW Megatron says "Ahh! Situation normal then."
99. Every time you play "Rampage/World Tour" and you see one of the feline monsters you wonder "What's Cheetor doing here?"
100. Every time you hear the word "HERO" you immediately think DINOBOT and his SACRIFICE -- Primus..."He lived a WARRIOR...And died a HERO...Let his Spark join the Matrix...The GREATEST of all Cybertron." And can't help but cry and be angered at today's use of the word
101. You tell someone to be quiet you say "Shut up Rattrap." instead
102. Someone says they dislike Transformers and you yell at them, with something like;
- "I HOPE PRIMUS SMITES YOU!"
- "May Unicron take away your soul..."
- "This fool is terribly misinformed."
- "We seem to have a rodent infestation. Shall I terminate?"
103. You've renamed every baby as 'The Lubricator' (It's funny when the mothers actually understand the joke, and quote a line from the films! :D)
104. You see someone wearing black and yellow you instantly think they're Bumblebee or Sunstreaker's holoform. "BEE! I LOVE YOU! GIMME A HUG YOU ADORABLE LITTLE SPARKLING!"
105. You believe that there IS a planet with Transforming mechanical beings on it...out there...somewhere...
106. You dress according to how you think your favorite characters would prefer
107. You hope and wish that one day, you will wake in the TF universe. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHICH ONE! (not Shattered Glass though...just no...I could NOT deal with that scrap!)
108. You've renamed your morning tea/coffee as your morning energon refill. (It's great when all your friends start doing it as well! Really freaks out cafe workers though...unless they happen to be TF Nerds too!)
109. You laugh at scientists that say life can't exist without water. It's a stupid assumption anyway, but it's even stupider when you know Cybertron doesn't HAVE any water on it whatsoever!
200. When teachers/college or university professors ask why you are late, you tell them you've been off saving the world from the evil Decepticons with the NEST team, but ask them not to repeat that information as it's classified. You then nod in a finalistic way and sit down, making sure you 'accidentally' show them the Autobot symbol you've drawn on your arm. (This works even better if you and your friends are late, and if a few of you have any scratches or bruises you can 'accidentally' show people.)
201. You wish they would do a Transformers/Doctor Who special. Come on, that would be EPIC!
202. When you (and your friends) go to watch the movies at the cinema, every item of your clothing has something to do with Transformers!
203. You blame all your mistakes on 'those slaggers!' and when people ask who, you reply, "The Decepticons of course! They're controlling my brain and making me make mistakes!"
204. The word 'slag' now has two meanings. (Only English people will get this.)
205. You yell 'BULKHEAD! I NEEDED THAT!' whenever you see a building being demolished/blown up/ect on the TV. It's either that, or "Aw Kelsey, come on girl, if you're gonna destroy something by accident, at least make it 10 Downing Street, or the Whitehouse!"
206. You add something new to this list almost every day, because you've begun to notice more and more fangirl/boy moments in your everyday life.
207. You have practically absorbed every last scrap of info about TF4.
30 THINGS I MUST NOT DO AT HOGWARTS AGAIN:
1. I will NOT sing “We’re off to see The Wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.
2. Dobby is NOT Yoda in disguise. Ahhhhh...but I LOVE Yoda! I wanna hug him FOREVER!!!
3. He is NOT Gollum either.
4. I will NOT come to Divination dressed as the Sibylline Sisterhood. Nor will I point to Hermione, yell "This prattling voice will cease forever!" and then throw tea leaves at her.
5. My homework was NOT eaten by a werewolf. Especially when my teacher is Professor Lupin.
6. I will NOT tell the first years to make a tree-house in the Whomping Willow.
7. I will NOT give Lupin a flea collar.
8. Nor will I leave dog-biscuits on his desk.
9. If a classmate falls asleep I will NOT take advantage of this and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
10. Starting a betting-pool on the fate of this year’s Defence against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky. It is NOT a clever money-making concept. (Yes it is, I made 40 gallons!)
11. I will NOT brag because I happen to have a Dalek for a Patronus. What? It's better than that stupid moose or whatever Harry has. EXTERMINATE!
12. I will NOT teach House-Elves to impersonate Jar-Jar Binks. Boy that was fun...
13. Shouting “To Infinity and Beyond!” was only funny the first time I took off on a broom.
14. I will NOT refer to Accio as “The Force” and then proceed to convince the clueless Ron that I am in fact, a Jedi. I will also resist the temptation to yell "AHM USIN' DA FORCE!" when making objects fly towards me.
15. “KILL THE SPARE!” is NOT an appropriate title for the school production.
16. I will NOT greet Prof. McGonagall with “What’s new Pussy-cat?”.
17. I will NOT send shampoo to Snape’s office, no matter how badly he needs it.
18. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not a valid T-shirt slogan.
19. Even though they are easier to use and probably more effective, I will not use guns against the Death Eaters. Or sonic screwdrivers. Or sonic lipstick.
20. I will not charm Firenze pink and follow him around, singing "My Little Pony."
21. No matter how funny it is, I will NOT leave kitty litter in Prof. McGonagall’s office.
22. I will NOT dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween.
23. I will NOT ask Harry Potter if his “Scar-Senses” are tingling. Especially when dressed as Spiderman.
24. I will NOT call Dumbledore Santa Claus. Even if it is Christmas. He thought it was funny...
25. I will NOT tell Voldemort to “Get a life!” or "Grow a nose!" or "Jerk off!"
26. I will NOT tell Draco Malfoy to "Make like a ferret and bounce!" Yes I will, it's so much fun to see the horror on his face as he recalls that incident.
27. I will NOT redecorate Umbridge's office like a gothic crypt.
28. I will NOT tell Bellatrix that her name is stupid. What? It IS a stupid name! Who came up with that?!
29. I will NOT bring Zim and GIR to Hogwarts. Mind you, even Dumbledore laughed at the sight of Malfoy and gang being pelted with a never-ending stream of salted nuts and sandwiches GIR was somehow shooting out of his head, and Zim cackling madly as he chased Goyle around with a beaver and a toy taxi. Let's just say those two were heroes in the Griffindor house that night...
30. I will NOT ask Hagrid to get me a manticore for my birthday. Aw, but I loved Steve! He was the best present EVA!!!!
That's all for now folks! Channel Odd is officially signing off for tonight! Tune in every so often, you might get a surprise!
INVADER ZEE, OVER AND OUT
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