|The Noble Platypus|
Author has written 16 stories for Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Lost, Doctor Who, and Castle.
I think it's about time I updated this thing.
So! I am a halfway-to-fifty-year-old person in possession of two x chromosomes and living in the lovely state of Minnesota. I have a cat who entertains me in countless ways, and a prodigal roommate who entertains me chiefly by arguing over the phone with his parents in Korean. I am unhealthily obsessed with soundtracks and Threadless t-shirts. I love Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, and anything ABC has canceled lately.
I will be visiting the UK this spring and, with any luck, seeing Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellan in "Waiting for Godot." If it happens, it will be the highlight of my young adult life. No number of superfluous exclamation points can adequately convey my excitement, so I will limit myself to one!
A huge thanks to everyone who put me on their faves list, and huge-er thanks to everyone who is still actually reading what I put out nowadays!
My livejournal can be found at, for anyone who is interested.
My fanfics are backed up atas well. If they've disappeared from here, you can find them there.
"Do not be alarmed... be very, very frightened, Arthur Dent." ~Hitchhiker's Guide series
"You multiple-me murderer!" ~Also Hitchhiker's Guide
"Procrastinate now. Don't put it off!" ~Ellen DeGeneras
"Heinekin: Australian for beer." ~Carmen
"It's 25:L... what the... wait... flips digital watch over it's 7:52." ~Me
"I don't have any snakes! I think I should get another turn because I suck!" ~Me (playing pick-up snakes at a friend's house)
"I think he's looking at me!"
"There's absolutely nothing sexually threatening about an elf." ~Orlando Bloom (from aforementioned Newsweek article)
"Holy shit! I just realized I can count to ten in Japenese!" ~Me (and I can!)
"Smoked bacon. That is what I want." ~Me, at Perkins, trying to make myself understood to the stupid waitress
"Where's the bathroom? And by bathroom, I mean lemonade." ~Crazy friend Bob
"I don't babble, I elaborate!" ~Katherine
"My soul is crying! And angry! My soul is crying, and it has a knife!" ~Katherine
"You're looking a little fuzzy, my fuzzy demon friend!" ~Gaby, intoxicated, looking at me in my red polar fleece sweater from across the room
"Do you know why I'm not racist? Because I'm black!" ~Gabs, same night as the above quote, prank calling some people... and she's caucasian.
"If dead Mr. Rogers was rubbed down in Vick's vapor rub, I would SO do him!" ~Gabs, same night, talking about how Vick's vapor rub turns her on... a lot.
"Sometimes when I'm putting oranges in a circle, I think of my thoughts and they make me laugh!" ~Winona Ryder as Bjork on SNL Celebrity Jeapordy
"Honey, we need to talk. Let's go to the playground." ~ Me, commenting on two people Kath and I saw at a playground who looked a bit too old to be there, "not like, 'oh I'm in high school' old, like marriage counseling old!"
Legolas: (as Melody) Stop making fun of my daddy! Just because he’s evil and treacherous and beats me with a spatula doesn’t mean I don’t love him!
Gandalf: "Thusly, I would ask that you would be awoken and that you would be bitchslapped henceforth." ~ both from "Legolas Brings the Smackdown," a mst fanfic from veryverygay. Everyone read it! SO FUNNY!
"Oh, if you break something, I will SO turn your bitch-ass in!" ~Randi, to drunk boys outside our hall (in bitter mood because we were all fined 25 bucksfor a broken bench)
"This could have been a good story... too bad you made it a PORNO!" ~Me, commenting on a very smutty fic I had the misfortune of finding
"I don't like penises OR vaginas... I like PIE!" ~Gabs... need I say more? I don't even think she was tipsy.
"I'm not grading the squiggles!" ~Dr. Kirk, the music theory prof, after the class started making too big of a deal over a trivial little thing.
"There once was a man from Nantucket... who DIED!" ~Me, in poetry class, after the prof told us that an elegy should not rhythmically sound like a limerick.
"You're the maddest pink highlighter-tin-whistle-billy-boyd-jamming girl ever!" ~Kath, after I told her about a crazy dream I had.
"I gotta get off my lazy bum and watch some anime." ~SailorKatoChan
"I seriously think I drinked all my brain shells away." ~Gabs, perfectly sober
"Theowy is ouw fwiend!" ~Dr. Kirk, amazingly enough. Now I feel vaguely cheated; I'm finishing theory just when he's starting to get funny.
"I've been reading a lot of stuff about pop and how bad it is for you, so my New Year's resolution is to quit. Absolutely. 100. From now on, no more reading." ~Coach Lindquist
"You can paint the walls
"He has the kneecaps of a god! Sing to me, Adonis! Take off your pants and sing to me!" ~Me... sigh.
"Stop corrupting my monkey!" ~Me, at dinner, wearing a stuffed monkey around my neck and objecting to the topic of conversation.
"I know how to take care of my own monkey, thank you very much!" ~Me again, same time and place, reacting to someone saying that I was smothering my monkey when really I was covering his virgin ears.
"I don't much care for nasty bananas." ~The Roomy, holding up a pretty nasty banana that was sitting in our fridge.
"They have a spider-baby!"
"It's like that stuff they taught us at the Seminary, heaven and hell and everlasting life... you're not meant to take it seriously, Ted."
"So... God! Does he exist? Who knows? Personally, I don't even believe in organized religion. But the spider baby... it's got the body of a spider, but the mind of a baby... but it wouldn't really bite ya... at least, not until it got a bit older..."
"Sometimes the best things come out of your ass." ~Katherine
"Damn Rastafarian elephants..." ~Katherine
"It's a party in my mozzarella stick bowl, and no one's invited but ME, bitches!" ~Me, at Perkins, quite sleep-deprived
"Where are you, creativity?" "I'm right here, I'll dance for you!" ~Julian and Katherine
"Shouldn't her pants be at half mast?" ~Me, after seeing a woman with pants that looked like the American flag
"It's like they say... you can lead a dog to water, but you can't make him poop in it." ~Lance, at work
"I'm like a wet painting: don't touch me!" ~Me, in response to a lengthy comparison Minty made between herself and a painting
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