Okay I admit it. I am a very picky reader. I can’t help it. It probably comes from being older and having more life experience than most FF writers. So if any one has received a critique from me that they feel unsettled about, I can only say don’t let it get to you. If anything, it is meant to be a good thing.

You see, I’m notoriously lazy about reviewing. So if you have a story that gets me to put forth the effort and offer constructive criticism, it means I think you have potential and I’m trying to encourage that by pointing out parts that need improvement. Honestly, if it was crap I wouldn’t even bother with a review. Heck, if it’s crap I won’t even get past the first chapter. I also don’t blow sunshine up peoples’ butts so if I say your story is good, it’s good even if I don’t go into long expositions about it. If you want some tips on what I like to see, or hate seeing in stories:

Tips for story writing:

1) BETA READER! I can’t stress this one enough. Especially if English is not your primary language. The greatest idea will easily go down the toilet with bad grammar/spelling/word usage/format. GET A BETA READER!

2) If you are writing cannon (a story that happens in the same time and place of the original) please be respectful of the original creator’s vision. You are a FAN-fiction writer and should pay proper respect to the original author’s desire even if you don’t agree sometimes. If guy A is with girl B and you don’t agree or think a different pair would be better, challenge yourself to find a valid (and respectful) reason why the author’s relationship didn’t work out. And not something lame like he/she never really liked her/him because they were a total psycho so they and their new lover killed them, hid the body and lived happily ever after. Major stupid crap.

3) Research especially if you use any technical information. Ask yourself ‘Is this possible?’ ‘Am I sure this is right?’ and if you don’t know, ask, look it up, Google it, whatever! Because you end up looking like and idiot if you are wrong. When I read a story about a hospital with a bunch of 19year old doctors and nurses I want to scream ‘NOT POSSIBLE!’ and I can't even begin to guess how many stories I've read where the school year in Japan starts in the fall. I STARTS IN APRIL AND IS ONLY 3YRS LONG NOT 4 SO STOP USING WORDS LIKE FRESHMEN AND SOPHOMORE!

4) Try for good flow. This is a hard one and has beaten me down countless times. A story needs good flow for your reader to understand it. It should not jump around like a jackrabbit on crack. Whenever I write a story I always know how it will end. I will even have clear scenes in my head that I want to play out. But sometimes even when I have my characters as point A and I know they are going to point B I have a hard time with the transition so it flows smoothly. I can’t just jump them to B that would make a crap story. Flow is crucial.

5) Try for mature writing. Okay this one is a bit unfair and I know it. Since most FF writers are teens, I don’t give critiques about this because the writer simply does not have the life experience. However I can say that I can always tell when a writer is young because it always comes through in their writing style. Some tips to mature your writing:

- Do not write graphic love scenes. They aren’t allowed on this site anyway and you don’t need it. A great love scene is not about the graphic details about who is touching what and how. It’s about the passion. Look for words like hunger, need, desire, anger, insanity, anticipation, intensity, burning. These are powerful words that let the reader know just how much two people want to be together. If a reader can feel the passion, an implied love scene will still be hot. Trust me on this one. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cringed when reading a sex scene written by someone with little or no real experience. For those who have a lot of experience, it is very clear that you have very little.

- Do not use huge absolutes. Avoid statements like, ‘the richest girl in the world’, ‘the hottest guy in the world’ or ‘the smartest person ever’. It sounds juvenile and naive. These ideas are usually subjective and always in flux. Try for ‘a member of the fortune 500’, ‘hot enough to stop traffic’ or ‘brilliant’. Besides who said perfection is fun? It’s the quirks and flaws that make a person interesting.

- Never have your character talk to their subconscious - Honestly does anyone really go 'who are you?' and answer 'I'm your subconscious.' No. Remember the first rule of insanity. You can talk to yourself all you want, it's when you answer back that you have a problem. A person can think, talk, even argue with themselves but it is never a two person dialogue unless they have split personality disorder or are possessed by another being.

- Try not to make your characters celebrities (rock stars, actors, supermodels) it makes you sound like a kid whose only reality is in the TV, internet and magazines. Truthfully 99.99 percent of all ‘celebrity stories’ I’ve read the celebrity part was completely unnecessary and sometimes even a hindrance to the story. The story would have worked just fine if the character was an attorney, a coffee shop owner, a physiotherapist, anything but a famous person. If you really insist on making the character a celebrity then be fully prepared to do so with all the baggage that comes with it. Celebs are not known for their faithfulness to their lovers even if they love them, they are at risk of constantly being ridiculed in the tabloids, and their schedules do not allow any free time to sneeze much less the plot of your story.

- Minimize label dropping. You have a wealthy character and you want to give details on just how wealthy by saying they are wearing Dolce Gabbana, Louis Vuitton, Prada, ect. Don’t do this unless you have a very specific item in mind and even then pick only one item, not the whole wardrobe and accessories. First, because it dates your story. Fashion changes with time but your story doesn’t so pick something timeless. Second, it’s not really needed. You could just say they are wearing exclusive labels, describe the outfit and leave it at that. Third, it makes you sound like a bimbo who does nothing all day but read fashion magazines.

Hmmm... What to tell you? I'm Canadian, I'm in my thirties, happily married, with two children. Sound boring? Well it probably is, but I'm happy and that's what matters I guess. I have a great job that I will not name because it always make people go 'EWWW! Really?' I will say it involves protecting the environment, technical engineering skills, and sometimes some serious physical labor. Well okay the 12 hr shifts kinda suck.

My pen name is derived from a small joke about my typing skills. With two kids I try to keep my swearing down to a minimum, but I suck at typing. Hence the name. Say "Oh Hell" with an over-exagerrated hill-billy/southern drawl. Okay, so usually my swearing isn't this tame when I spot typos, but this is supposed to be 'G' rated.

gundam-wing-universe.net/fanfiction/menu.php?id=358

My Gundam/Psionic stories can also be found there as well as:

yaoijanai.com