Konnichiwa minna-san! If anyone bothers to read these things, this is where you can find out some stuff about me. I'm a twenty-something year old English female, learning about computers from home, and am determined to waste some of my time, even as I look for a job. Then again, time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. I read/watch Harry Potter related things and the 'Sookie Stackhouse Vampire Mystery' novels by Charlaine Harris. Favourite tv shows as of today are, well, I actually can't remember the last time I sat down and paid attention to a tv program. Now anime? Totally different matter...

K or K Project, is my latest love, and surprisingly enough, I'm writing a story about it without having done weeks of research and drafting and planning. Black Butler is also swiftly becoming a favourite of mine, so you could soon be seeing a new story about that on your screens! I've got a Hetalia boxset heading my way also, but I'll try and finish off Red Visions of Green before I even think about going in that direction.

18/01/13 - Rough draft of the second chapter of Red Visions of Green is up! ConCrit is, as always, accepted, even requested!

02/01/13 - My newest story, Red Visions of Green, has been up for a few days now, and seems to be doing exceedingly popular. Looking at the amount of people reading it, those little flicks of possible storylines are firing up in my brain. Hopefully it won't be long before the next chapter is written!

19/09/09 - Several stories are now in the works, a Harry Potter story about an OC who is found by a Slytherin in muggle England, and a Numb3rs fic that may end up with a surprising crossover or two. Another chapter to my 4400 story may be in the works, if I can figure out a few niggly details.

29/12/08 - My new story about the 4400 has been uploaded, and my story "Second Time Around" has officially been put on hiatus. Apologies to those who have been expecting it to be updated for some time, but real life is getting in the way of my mega long story, as real life often does.

A good Buffy crossover archive is http://www.tthfanfic.org/ It has loads of crossovers with Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Stargate, Roswell, Wrestling, Smallville, X-Men, and the West Wing.

From here on out is a whole bunch of quotes and factoids that I found that I found interesting...skip to the end if you just want the stories...then come back and read these...they're interesting I tell you...INTERESTING!!

A winter statistic:

98 OF AMERICANS SCREAM BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD. THE OTHER 2 ARE FROM COLORADO AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY SODA AND WATCH THIS'.

You're from Colorado if:

You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be canceled.
You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you copy them.
'Humid' is over 25.
Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.
You say 'the interstate' and everybody knows which one.
You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard.
You buy your flowers to set out on Mother's day, but try and hold off planting them until just before Father's day.
You grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
You know what the Continental Divide is.
You don't think Coors beer is that big a deal.
You went to Casa Bonita as a kid, and as an adult.
You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
You always know the elevation of where you are.
You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.
You don't care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High
Every movie theater has military and student discounts.
Everybody wears jeans to church.
You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.
You know what a 'trust fund hippy' is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.
You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you.
Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.
When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels 'sticky' and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

"You know you've read to many fanfic's when...

you start thinking of the slashyness of your brother and his best friend."

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c) and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _"
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Carebears
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

(I remember so many of them...A true 90's kid. XD)

You know you live in 2009 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or myspace.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote intead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Homosexuality:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans..

If you support gay marriage and want to show it, paste this into your profile.

Didn't write the poem below!

Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile!!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we … but that shit was fun!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the out!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedual to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

What if your name was Anonymous? You’d get the credit for everything nobody wanted credit for.

Why do people say ‘heads up’ when you should duck?

If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God, then isn't it possible that there is another planet out there inhabited by creatures of the Devil?

In Disney’s ‘Tarzan’, how come Tarzan doesn’t have a beard?

How come the words ‘thaw’ and 'unthaw' mean the same thing?

What would happen if you said ‘Hi’ to a friend on an aeroplane who’s name is Jack?

What does OK actually mean?

Wouldn't it be ironic if someone were to choke and die on a life savor?

When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?

Does it really count in court when an Atheist is sworn under oath using a Bible?

Why is it that when we are humming, and we block our noses, the humming stops? Do we really hum through our mouths or our noses?

Are children who speak sign-language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

How fast do hotcakes sell?

What do vegetarians feed their dogs?

Do stuttering people stutter when they think to themselves?

Isn't it strange that Halloween is the one day a year that your parents tell you to take candy from strangers?

Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?

How come popcorn isn’t a vegetable?

Why do people say; ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it too!’ Who would buy cake if they couldn't eat it?

Why aren’t safety pins as safe as they say they are?

Why do companies offer you ‘free gifts’? When has a gift NOT been free?

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Can mute people burp?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to say, “See the chicken over there?... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt.”?

Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

If you made cookies with chocolate milk instead of plain milk, would they taste chocolaty?

What was Captain Hook’s name before he got a hook for a hand?

What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?

Why does the Easter Bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Can you slam a revolving door?

What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?

Why does it say ‘May contain traces of peanuts or other kinds of nuts’ on peanut butter jars? Surely anyone buying peanut butter was well aware of this.

Why is it that people duck in the rain? Do they really think it will leave them alone?

If a pope goes to the toilet, is it considered holy crap?

Why can the saying ‘It’s all going downhill from here’ mean both that it will get easier, and it will get worse?

What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?

Have ex-bankers become disinterested?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

You know how most packages say ‘Open here’, what is the protocol if the package reads ‘Open somewhere else’?

Do birds pee?

Why does mineral water which has “trickled through mountains for centuries” go out of date next year?

Why don’t you ever see baby pigeons?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? How much more sour could it become?

How can there be ‘self- help GROUPS’?

How can someone ‘draw a blank’?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

I know you can be overwhelmed, but can’t you ever be whelmed just right?

How can something be new AND improved? If its new, there's nothing its improved apon.

If you feed a bee nothing but oranges, does it start making marmalade?

If a man is walking in a forest, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?

If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say that humpty-dumpty is an egg?

Can blind people see their dreams?

What came first, the fruit or the colour orange?

What's the opposite of ‘opposite’?

Do sore thumbs really stick out?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Is the fear of flying groundless?

Do mimes watch silent movies?

Why can’t women put mascara on with their mouths closed?

Why can wizards make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop POST THIS. Pick the stereotype that fits you.

I'M SKINNY so I MUST be anorexic
I'M EMO so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun
I'm BLONDE so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat
I'm ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I TAKE(or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a big DICK
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I MUST be a TERRORIST!!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I'm, INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be f-ing them all
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi
I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO
I'm Brazilian, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE, so I MUST be violent
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly..or crazy
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot
I'm a GIRL WHO ACTUALLY EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly
I'm ASIAN so I MUST be a NERD who does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals
I'm MIXED so I MUST be fed up
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork
I'm BLACK, so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH, so I MUST worship the devil
I Love SHOPPING, so I MUST be rich
I'm an OG so I MUST be Mexican
I don't EAT very often, so I MUST be anorexic
I'm a SOCCER player so I MUST take things to the face DAILY
I'm not RICH so I MUST steal to get the things I have

Serenity Prayer

May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things that I can,

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people that I killed because they pissed me off.

How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity:

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with your sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Put a trashcan on your desk and label it 'IN.'
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks, and when everyone is over his/her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
5. Finish all your sentences with,"...in accordance with the prophecy."
6. Don't use punctuation.
7. As often as possible, skip instead of walk.
8. Ask people what sex they are, and then laugh hysterically when they answer.
9. Specify your drive-thru order as 'to go.'
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friend you can't come to their party because you don't feel like it.
14. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream," I WON! I WON! I WON! Third time this week!!"
15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling,” Run for your lives! They're loose!"

Samsara spiral on into time, lovers reborn and meet again. L may be gone, but he will return, Light will be waiting for him until then! I hereby solemnly support Light and L as a couple. L should not have been killed. (Nor Rem be sacrificed to kill him!) If you think L and Light make a good couple and that L shouldn’t have died, copy and paste this into your bio!

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason put this on your profile.

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you are really random put this on your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message into your profile.

If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile. (P.S. I actually am learning Japanese now!)

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy/paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are on the computer for over 20 hours a week, put this in your profile.

If you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Alice001, SesshomaruLover23, Celestial Slytherin- Black, psychoticKisshu, Phoenix Lumen

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.

92 of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be in the 8 that would be laughing your ass off.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent that aren't, copy this, put it in you profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenant666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, Haunt of twilight, Phoenix Lumen

They say 98.2% of Deviants are yaio fans.
If you are a part of the 99.9% of Deviants that wonder how dA even got the percentage, then place this in your signature/profile

Quotes that I absolutely love and have gathered from so many places;

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."

"I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message."

"People say I've lost my mind. I haven't - I saved it on a back-up disk!...Somewhere."

"I've been given sugar! Use this time to prepare for the end of the world!"

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

"Paranoia is just another word for longevity." - Anita Blake

"There are three rings in marriage: Engagement ring, Marriage ring, Suffering."

"Those with potential to do great good possess also the potential for great evil."

"Pain doesn't hurt when it’s the only thing you've ever felt."

"Scars are souveniers you never lose."

"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels."

"Some wounds never heal."

"Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it."

"I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one."

"I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory."

"I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat me with experience."

"Knowledge is power, power corrupts, study hard, be evil."

"Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege."

"I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal."

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity, I think you crossed the line a few miles back."

"In theory, everything works."

“If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it."

"The problem with reality is a lack of background music."

"I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage."

"I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem."

"I'd explain it to you, but you're brains would explode."

"My reality check bounced."

"Smile - it confuses people."

"Forgive your enemies but never, never forget their names."

"I reject your reality and substitute my own."

"If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination."

"Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway"

"A conscience does not prevent sin, it only prevents you from enjoying it."

“Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

"God must love stupid people, he made so many."

"Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects."

"Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it."

"Who cannot understand your silence, cannot understand your words."

"Can you switch gears, or are you stuck on stupid?"

"If at first you don't succeed, pretend it never happened and try again."

"Stop making the same stupid mistakes and start making new ones."

"Sometimes the key to wisdom is not to answer every stupid question that somebody asks you."

"Duct tape is like the force. Dark on one side, light on the other, and it holds the universe together."

"It's better to look stupid and keep your mouth closed than to open it and prove it."

"If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie."

"Blackmail is the answer to everything."

"I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well."

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

"My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely..."

"If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth??"

"Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself."

"Everyone’s entitled to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege."

"Where there's a will, I want to be in it."

"I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent."

"The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action"

"You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them."

"It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools."

"Time flies when you don't know what you're doing."

“STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.”

“Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN!”

“Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.”

“I'm not crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference.”

“Never argue with a fool. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

"Sorry, there's no cure for stupidity!"

"I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you."

"Well, the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck."

"I hear voices... They said they don't like you."

"Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you've got to watch out for, because you never know when they're going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid!"

“I'm awesome. Agree or die.”

"It's only funny till somebody gets hurt. Then it's hilarious."

"If you scream in a library, everybody looks at you funny. If you scream in an airplane, everybody joins in."

"No matter what happens, never call on the government, the church, or any other massive controlling authority for help. They'll just send a brigade of soldiers to burn your entire village to the ground."

"Whenever you have hit rock bottom, Life has a way of throwing you a shovel."

"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'."

"It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?"

"Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again."

"That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again."

"EXCUSE ME!! I have PMS and a gun...You were saying?"

"You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall out of a window...I laugh."

"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one I couldn't explain away afterwards..."

"There are people I would take a bullet for and people I'd like to put a bullet in."

"You STFU and I kick your ass. It's the law of equivalent exchange...bitch."

"Eat right, exercise, die anyway."

"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk."

"If all the world's a stage, then I want to open the trap door."

"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies tied up with fishing wire in your basement.

"Men: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing."

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver - and a lot more accessible."

"Rule #1: I'm never wrong. Rule#2: When in doubt, refer to Rule#1."

"Rule #9: When faced with the unknown, go with your instincts. Xander: "You don't know how to kill this thing?" Buffy: "I thought I might try violence." Xander: "Solid call.""

"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."

"You're about to be a strange smell in the attic, or basement, or alleyway, or where ever I can put your body."

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car."

"How do I politely tell someone to go take a flying jump off a cliff without a parachute?"

"Life with men is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards.”

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives."

"I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

"With friends like these, I hope my enemies have a spare bedroom."

"When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them on the head."

"Roses are red, violets are black, please go to hell, and never come back."

"Do unto others before they do unto you."

"When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies."

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then, sit back and watch the whole world wonder how the hell you DID that."

"I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally."

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."

“Life's a bitch, if it were easy it'd be a slut."

"Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen)." - Cops Laws

"Dogs do not see the badge as a person of authority, they see lunch." - Murphy's Cops Laws

"Incoming fire has the right of way." - War Laws

"When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in the combat zone. - War Laws

"Military Intelligence is a contradiction." - War Laws"

"Weather ain't neutral." - War Laws

"Mines are an equal opportunity weapon." - War Laws

"To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence." - War Laws

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything." - War Laws

"Never go to bed with anyone crazier then you." - Murphy's War Laws

"It's impossible to make any plan foolproof because fools are so ingenious." - one of Murphy's many laws.

"The evening news always opens by them saying 'Good evening' and then proceeds to tell you exactly why it isn't."

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."

“When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.”

"Batman to all points. I could use some air support. Since I can't fly. At all. Now would be good." Batman, Justice League Unlimited Eps. Darkheart

"How do I set my laser printer to stun?"

"Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"You! Off my planet!"

"The truth is, it's an intergalactic road-trip through space and time. Different from a regular road-trip in subtle but very important ways, chief among which are a) we never know where the war zones are, and b) there's only one person in the universe who knows how to drive the car" - describing Doctor Who

"Welcome Strangers, you must be cold,
Stay a while, the day grows old.
Be not afraid, no dangers near,
Just recall, we're all mad here."

"Warning: Dates on calender are closer than they appear."

"We all live in a yellow submarine! We hate the stupid thing! We want to paint it green!"

"Whoever said 'Nothing’s Impossible' never tried nailing Jell-O to a tree."

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

"If there is anywhere important you have to get to on foot, you can be sure that it's uphill."

"Whenever you are raking leaves or shoveling snow, the wind will never blow in the direction you want it to."

"Don't say "We don't play to win," and then keep score."

"If you have to play a sport and get nothing but strikes, play bowling."

"Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is free!"

"If I throw a stick, will you go away?"

"The sooner you learn that women really do control the world, the easier it'll be for you."

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."

"This is not something to be tossed away lightly. It should be thrown, with great force."

"I'm a nobody. Nobody's perfect. Therefore, that makes me perfect."

"I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines."

"Like Daddy always said: If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit!"

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."

"What!! Is it so wrong to be attracted to the guys who want to destroy mankind?!"

"Good girls always fall for the bad boys - even if they don't admit it."

"When life gives you lemons, read them and drool."

"Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"

"I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.

"Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

"If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?"

"I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either."

"Either find a way or make one."

"Normal is just a setting on your dryer."

"Consciousness - that annoying time between naps."

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

"I'm out of bed and dressed! What more do you want?"

"Books are always better than real, live boyfriends any day of the week. They don't talk back and they're always there for you. You can have as many of them as you want and they won't complain."

"A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... "

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up."

"Don't drink and drive! You might hit a bump and spill your drink."

"God gave men a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time..."

"Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."

"Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT." "

"Sorry, I missed church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a Gothic."

"Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool."

"Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?"

"You have the right to remain silent, so, please--SHUT UP!"

"Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years."

"There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train."

"It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police."

“Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now."

“An essay is an attempt to explain something that could have been said in two sentences.”

“What are the three words guaranteed to embarrass men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'.”-Unknown

(As soon as I learn how to make proper hyperlinks, I'll replace the below with appropriate links. Links do not necessarily lead to the chapter that contains that specific quote)

"Being a martyr for a cause that you don’t believe in won't help anyone".-Sirius in lessthenlucid's 'Fallen' http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1872358/1/Fallen

"Slytherin is a perfectly respectable house... sometimes."- Sorting Hat, "A Mistaken Sorting." http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2870906/1/A_Mistaken_Sorting

"No Gryffindor has a survival instinct worth a damn."- Sorting Hat, "A Mistaken Sorting."

"Slytherin is not really about 'pure blood', you know. It's actually all about cunning and ambition. And if you don't have those traits, I'm a tap-dancing flamingo."- Sorting Hat "A Mistaken Sorting."

"Snape, it can safely be assumed, despised children. Most teachers do, but Snape had elevated it to a state well beyond normal boundaries. With his rather unique training in certain areas of magic and absolutely nil instruction in the area of teaching, Snape was to education what Voldemort was to life insurance. It had been eight years since the last official complaint against him, which said much for his campaign of intimidation".-"A Mistaken Sorting."

“Why couldn’t you have had the decency to strangle him–” an irritable jerk of the head toward the Gryffindor side of the room was sufficient to inform all present of the ‘him’ being referred to, “with his own umbilical cord in the womb?” “Who would you take your vitriol out on then, sir?” Potter – Harry, no, Potter… goddamn the quirk of biology that had resulted in Lily bearing fraternal twins, and especially for bearing them both to term! – inquired in as respectful a tone as could be managed when subtly insulting your teacher.- Snape and Harry Potter in "A Mistaken Sorting."

"Bravery was about as relevant to schoolwork as live manticores were to health care".-"A Mistaken Sorting."

"Harry stared for a long moment. Then Snape was the recipient of a smile so cold it could have kept ice cream from melting in a blast furnace. Something in Snape recognised it and started kissing robe hem.-"A Mistaken Sorting."

"McGonagall – she was never ‘Minerva’ when displeased with him, he was likely to live longer – looked insulted by the insinuation that one of her students had a mental capacity equivalent to a flobberworm. He couldn’t understand why; she had Weasleys in her House".-Snape "A Mistaken Sorting."

"In Hogwarts, everything up to and including maiming and attempted murder was possible and permitted, provided it appeared to be an accident". -"A Mistaken Sorting."

"At last. Proof of his deeply-held belief that children were all vicious, murderous little bastards twice as bad as any Dark Lord".-Snape, "A Mistaken Sorting." http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2870906/1/A_Mistaken_Sorting

“Speaking of riding broomsticks, the whole game of Quidditch is sexually repressed!” Harry declared. “Throwing balls into big hoops, riding broomsticks, hitting balls with sticks, keeping balls out of the hoops — I like how there’s only two people fighting for virginity out there…” Hermione didn’t deign a response.- "So Sue Me" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3003214/1/So_Sue_Me

"Kotetsu and Genma shared a look. Until Izumo had consumed at least two more cups of coffee, they could stage a mass murder and Karaoke contest featuring Gai-sensei in the living room and he wouldn't care. Notice, maybe; care, no".-"Paperwork Ninja: A Day In The Life" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3344546/1/Paperwork_Ninja_A_Day_in_the_Life

“They're whichever is the one that means I'm not a paranoid nutball.” “Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. We passed regular paranoia awhile back.”- Xander and Jack in "Lest We Forget."

"Tony tries to remember that these people are well-educated, full-grown adults who help him solve crimes. They help protect the nation. “Wow, are we screwed,” he says absently".- Ten Nonlinear Moves http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3175751/1/Ten_Nonlinear_Moves

“Where’s DiNozzo?” Gibbs began without preamble. “Fornell tells me he’s been co-ordinating things from here.” “Um, he’s in autopsy Boss, with Ducky.” Seeing Gibb’s face drain of colour he quickly revised his statement. “Um sorry Boss, he’s not, er, he is in autopsy, Ducky had to operate but…”-"Present Thoughts, Past Endevours http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3141384/1/Present_Thoughts_Past_Endeavours

"Gibbs closed his eyes. Why did people think he didn’t have a family? This team was a family, with all the squabbles and abuse to prove it. They fought, they argued, they lied, they covered for each other… sooner or later Kate and Tony were going to kill each other and if that didn’t spell family, Gibbs didn’t know what would".- "Sleeping Together" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2412868/1/Sleeping_Together

"Gibbs sighed. Oh, well… at least he’d still have something to hit. Brains or not… DiNozzo’s head was always, always a good target. Thank God."- "Sleeping Together"

“Um… Tony?” McGee felt he should do something. Gibbs would not be happy to come back to his desk and find that his workstation had been used to cave someone’s head in. He wouldn’t be mad about the damage to the workstation, necessarily, but the blood all over his furniture might end up being a sore point.- "Anger Management" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2489820/1/Anger_Management

"John snorted. “We’ll be there in a few hours. Soon as we’re settled I’ll get some food goin’.” John’s sons suddenly stared at one another in horror. Even Bobby cast a terrified look John’s way. John Winchester’s cooking skills were legendary for being utterly abysmal, and had been known to cause ghosts and spirits of a certain calibre to turn and run when they saw him coming."- "In The Arms of Love." Not as corny as it sounds. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4186830/1/In_The_Arms_of_Love

"Let's make ourselves a graph. Five columns. Name of job. What you like about it. What you don't like about it. Whether they're likely to have that sort of job here. And whether or not I'd break several of your bones and/or your neck for trying to get that job."-Iruka, "Side Effects."

Suddenly the braided boy leaned over. "Ya know, we never introduced ourselves," he whispered. "Duo Maxwell. I run, I hide, but I never lie." "Ore no namae wa Shiraga Bakura desu," he whispered back. "Nice to meet you, Maxwell-san." The other flashed a grin. "Call me Duo. If blowing up a building together doesn't put us on a first name basis, I don't know what does." The former spirit grinned back. "Duo, then." - Duo & Bakura, from Akuryou http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1529758/1/Akuryou

“PROFESSOR SNAPE!” Harry cried joyfully– royally freaking out Snape and everyone else in the classroom– as he launched himself at the professor, glomping him around the waist. “Oh, professor, I missed you so much! All this summer, I thought of you. I never want to leave you again! You are, without a doubt, a sweet, patient, impartial, kind teacher! TEACH ME!”-Harry in "Uzumaki Harry" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2636980/1/Uzumaki_Harry

“Where I live, people live fast, die young, and usually leave a mutilated corpse."-Harry "Uzumaki Harry. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2636980/1/Uzumaki_Harry

"After the opening joke, Harry knew one thing: Iruka would probably kill the guy for making a mockery of the teaching profession. Then came the written test. After the fifth Gilderoy Lockhart question, Harry just rolled back his eyes, leaned on his chair and took a nap. Forget kill, Iruka-sensei would probably torture the man for as long as possible."- "Uzumaki Harry" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2636980/1/Uzumaki_Harry

"Compare it to your chosen profession of Cursebreaking. At least you Breakers wait for a person to be buried before trying to rob their vaults. Politicians do it while they’re still alive.”- "Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure." http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2889350/1/Bungle_in_the_Jungle_A_Harry_Potter_Adventure

"It also doesn’t help that the Gryffindor Seeker sucks like a three dollar…” “Harry Potter! You will not finish that sentence.” Said Hermione. “And besides, our seeker isn’t that bad.” “Isn’t that bad? I haven’t seen someone look so confused and lost concerning the location of a gold object since Minister Fudge was asked about campaign contributions.”-"Harry Potter, Remixed." http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2669192/1/Harry_Potter_Remixed

"No trees were harmed during the production of this fanfiction, however, a large number of electrons were seriously inconvenienced."(Got this off Ankhutenshi's fanfiction, Cironen. It's a pretty good read, you should try it!)

"Potter Luck remember? Harry gets into a life or death situation and something just happens to occur in the nick of time to save him. Addendum to Potter's Luck: There is no such thing as serendipity. All good or seemingly trivial things come back and bite Potters in the arse. Hard."Addendum Two: There is no such thing as coincidence." - Harry Potter, forgot which fic

“And Salazar, though sneaky and sly, never lied. He was a man of his word…it just took time to learn how to understand his word that was the problem. The twisting of the few words he did speak normally left many thinking he was a slimy liar but if told such he could easily prove every time that he never lied.” Unknown fic

“He grimaced and decided to hide in his room for the duration of the trip, sharpening his Shivs. Hopefully they’d take the hint. If not, well, he knew a lovely Air-lock only a few corridors down.” - When Worlds Collide, HPRiddick fanfic http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4044627/1/When_Worlds_Collide

"Adults should so not try to act cool." "Agreed, it's degrading for them and us." - Ebony Locks Hides God's Night, HP fic

"Don't think of it as Voldemort, think of it as a leather upholstered Chihuahua," -Harry, Oswald the Ottoman by lunakatrina

"...we've found that while explosives are not the answer to all problems, the number of situations where they can't be used effectively in some fashion is extremely limited.” -Fred, Harry Potter and the Sun Source by Clell65619

"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

"The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." - Albert Einstein

"My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes." - Douglas Adams

"Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk." - Andy Gibbs

"I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking locks, they are always locking three." - Elayne Boosler

"Three things can not be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." - Buddha

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." - Unknown

"Now don't you stand for that! If somebody tries to kill you, you try and kill 'em right back!" - Firefly

"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln"

"Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out." - Michael Burke

"The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance." - Socrates

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Winston Churchill.

"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children." - Samuel Levenson

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde

"The conqueror is always a lover of peace; he would prefer to take over our country unopposed."- Karl von Clausewitz

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."- Albert Einstein

“It contains a misleading impression, not a lie. It was being economical with the truth.” –Robert Armstrong

“If you can't convince them, confuse them.”- Harry S. Truman

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."Lynn Lavner

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." – Robin Williams

"Deja vu - When you think you're doing something you've done before it's because God thought it was so funny he had to rewind it for his friends."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall in an open sewer and die." -Mel Brooks

"I consider myself influential, as opposed to manipulative." -Richard Hatch

"How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?" Asked Dorothy. "I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?" Answered the Scarecrow. -Wizard of Oz

"There are two words I hate. Don't and stop. Unless of course you use them together..."

"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopocally thin line with being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, take a leap." -Cynthia Heimel