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| Xayhra |
 Poll: How many chapters should my story Halt goes to the Dentist be? Vote Now! |
Author has written 15 stories for Ranger's Apprentice, 310 series, Person of Interest, Inheritance Cycle, Septimus Heap, and Stardust. Did you know that Ranger's Apprentice book 12 The Royal Ranger is coming out in November of this year????????? I'm sooo happy right now!!! Go Mr. Flanagan!!! Hi! I live in the northern US. You can call me Xayh or Xayhra. (I made the name up.) I'm new to this website so if I act like an idiot, that's why. Here are some more things about me: Real Name: I'll give you a hint. It either starts with the letter A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y, or Z. Good luck! Age: 13 . . . possibly . . . I don't really know. Oh! Hey! I bet Halt knows! Me: *yells* Hey! Halt! Can I ask you a question? Halt: *shouts back* You just did. Me: Oh, yeah . . . *forgets original question* Favorite Books: Ranger's Apprentice, The Inheritance Cycle, Skulduggery Pleasant, Angelfire, Septimus Heap, and tons more. Favorite bands/singers: Coldplay, Within Temptation, Eminem, The Fray, Lifehouse, and others I can't remember at the moment. Favorite TV shows: Person of Interest, Once Upon a Time, Touch, Law and Order: SVU, House M.D., and some more. Religion: Christian Gender: female I feel like I should put more stuff on here, but I don't know what. . . Just go with it!!! (As my best friend would say.) Good news!!! My best friend (see above) just got an account! It's Morea24! Please check it out! She doesn't have any stories right now but she's awesome so please check her profile out!!! OK. This is something my friend Aaron said. "May the Force be with you. But if it's not buy some more on Force.com." There is no such thing as force.com. Morea24's and Xayhra's Saturday Night Ranbdomness!!! (I meant Randomness! Ohlalala) 2/16/13 So, I went over to Morea's(Now known as M 'cause I'm lazy) house. And the first SNR is on M's profile. And I was petting M's cat Stormy, while M told me about her day. Um, yep, you get the picture. Boring. Sorry, M. Just Kidding. Anyways then M and I went to her room and Sparkey (M's 14-year-old dog who acts like he's 5) followed us. So, if you read the last one, I said "it's the Random Man!" So, M and I sat on her bed and were talking and I was petting Sparkey and Sparkey was trying to lick my face. M said, "Oooooh, what's with you and the RM?" And we made up RANDOM SCENARIOS!!! Always fun! Anyways one of the things went like is: M: I'm just saying this so like after college and stuff we should like live in the same house so we can work on our books together. X: Yeah, we should. You'd have to put up with my wild animals. M: As long as they don't eat my horses and dogs and stuff. X: They won't. (five minutes later BOOM!!!- by M) M: What if we had two tigers and we went to the store and I went in and you were just standing there holding the tigers and petting them like dogs and I went in the store and this like really cute guy was there and he said he wanted to see me and I gave him my address and he comes over the next day and he sees all the animals and is like is this the right house. X: But like you appear and tell him all the animals names 'And this is my boa constrictor, but don't touch him because he doesn't like strangers. . . .' M: that would be so weird. Anyways, that wasn't so good as last time but mostly 'cause I don't remember the details of the rest. It was really funny though. Copy and Paste I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.' Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' 'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message, or Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001 When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty. A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals. Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet. Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY. REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile): 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate, marshmallows, and ice cream too) This is another one of God's amazing stories. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to cry. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God.You have nothing to lose if you believe in God. You have a soul to lose by not believing... This is How you KNOW you're obsessed with Ranger's Apprentice. 1. You can quote almost all of the dialogue. 2. You can hear Wills' voice in your head. 3. You just KNOW Halt's also in your head, telling Wills' voice to shut up. 4. You've memorized "Greybeard Halt" *Adds to To Do list* 5. You want a bow and arrow set. I do own one actually. 6. You actually dream about Ranger's Apprentice. 7. You're reading this right now. 8. You sneak around, trying to scare people like you're a ranger. 9. You want to be a ranger. How did you know??? 10. You read Ranger's Apprentice and now you think being short is SO COOL!! 11. You write fanfiction for Ranger's Apprentice. 12. You think it would be fun to be Wills' apprentice. 13. Now you're sad because you aren't. 14. But you imagine yourself as his apprentice. 15. Now you're grinning like a moron. 16. The front left side of your brain is constantly saying, "Rangers Rangers RANGERS! MUST! READ! RANGER'S! APPRENTICE!!" 17. You'd LURVE to meet John Flanagan. 18. You happen to know that there's a contest to do so. 19. You're now jumping up and down, fangirl shrieking about meeting Flanagan. 20. You're going to enter the contest. 21. You're sad because the contest is over. 22. You want to kill me for telling you about a contest that's over. 23. You call John Flanagan "Flanny" sometimes. Not really. . . 24. You'd rather read Ranger's Apprentice than do your homework. 25. You'd rather read Ranger's Apprentice than watch TV. 26. You always want to read Ranger's Apprentice. 27. You want there to be a Ranger's Apprentice comic book. *Falls on knees* "Please, Mr. Flanagan, please!!!" 28. You'd actually tackle glomp someone if they had a Ranger's Apprentice comic book. 29. You'd cry with joy if you got to have a Ranger's Apprentice comic book. 30. You'd cry in despair if the comic book got damaged in any way. 31. You just KNOW that the Ranger's Apprentice books radiate power. 32. You accidently called your brother "Horace" yesterday. 33. If you had a munchkin cat you'd name him "Will" Awww, that would be sooo cute! 34. You want to warp yourself into the Ranger's Apprentice world so you can replace Alyss. I've never really thought of Will as cute. . . 35. You're smiling and nodding while you read this. 36. You CANNOT WAIT ANOTHER SECOND for the Ranger's Apprentice movie. 37. You want to see the Ranger's Apprentice movie in the theater. 38. You're going to spend the whole movie going fangirl. 39. You're going to have a hard time not fangirl squealing during the film. 40. You know it's the truth. 41. One of the reasons that you can't wait to see the film is so you can go fangirl and scream at your friends about how cute Will is. 42. He really is adorable. 43. Your parents want you to shut up about Ranger's Apprentice already. 44. They really really want you to. 45. Now you're going to post this list in your profile with everything you've actually done or thought in bold letters. 46. You just hit copy. 47. Don't lie, you know you did. 48. You're thinking about Ranger's Apprentice again. 49. You even know the names of the background characters. 50. Now you're sad because there are SO many other things that can prove you're obsessed with Ranger's Apprentice. Imagine this... You're driving home from work next Monday after a long day. You tune in your radio. You hear a blurb about a little village in India where some villagers have died suddenly, strangely of a flu that has never been seen before. It's not influenza, but three or four people are dead, and it's kind of interesting, and they are sending some doctors over there to investigate it. You don't think much about it, but coming home from church on Sunday you hear another radio spot. Only they say it's not three villagers, it's 30,000 villagers in the back hills of this particular area of India, and it's on TV that night. CNN runs a little blurb: people are heading there from the disease center in Atlanta because this disease strain has never been seen before. By Monday morning when you get up, it's the lead story. It's not just India; it's Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, and before you know it, you're hearing this story everywhere, and they have now coined it as "the mystery flu." The President has made some comment that he and his family are praying and hoping that all will go well over there. But everyone is wondering, "How are we going to contain it?" That's when the President of France makes an announcement that shocks Europe. He is closing their borders. No flights from India, Pakistan, or any of the countries where this thing has been seen. And that's why that night you are watching a little bit of CNN before going to bed. Your jaw hits your chest when a weeping woman is translated into English from a French news program. There's a man lying in a hospital in Paris, dying of the mystery flu. It has come to Europe. Panic strikes. As best they can tell, after contracting the disease, you have it for a week before you even know it. Then you have four days of unbelievable symptoms. And then you die. Britain closes its borders, but it's too late. South Hampton, Liverpool, North Hampton, and it's Tuesday morning when the President of the United States makes the following announcement: "Due to a national-security risk, all flights to and from Europe and Asia have been canceled. If your loved ones are overseas, I'm sorry. They cannot come back until we find a cure for this thing. Within four days, our nation has been plunged into an unbelievable fear. People are wondering, "What if it comes to this country?" And preachers on Tuesday are saying it's the scourge of God. It's Wednesday night, and you are at a church prayer meeting when somebody runs in from the parking lot and yells, "Turn on a radio, turn on a radio!" and while everyone in the church listens to a transistor radio with a microphone stuck up to it, the announcement is made. Two women are lying int a Long Island hospital, dying from the mystery flu. Within hours it seems, the disease envelops the country. People are working around the clock, trying to find an antidote. Nothing is working California, Oregon, Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts. It's as though it's just sweeping in from the borders. And then all of a sudden the news comes out. The code has been broken. A cure can be found. A vaccine can be made. It's going to take the blood of somebody who hasn't been infected an so, sure enough, all through the Midwest, through all those channels of emergency broadcasting, everyone is asked to do one simple thing: Go to your down-town hospital an have your blood analyzed. That's all we ask of you. When you hear the sirens go off in your neighborhood, please make your way quickly, quietly, and safely to the hospitals. Sure enough, when you and your family get down there late on that Friday night, there is a long line, and they've got nurses and doctors coming out and pricking fingers and taking blood and putting labels on it. Your spouse and your kids are out there, and they take your blood and say, "wait here in the parking lot, and if we call your name you can be dismissed and go home. You stand around, scared, with your neighbors, wondering what on earth is going on, and if this is the end of the world. Suddenly, a young an runs out of the hospital screaming. He's yelling a name and waving a clipboard. What? He yells it again! And your son tugs on your jacket and says, "Daddy, that's me." Before you know it, they have grabbed your boy. "Wait a minute. Hold on!" And they say, "It's okay, his blood is clean. His blood is pure. We want to make sure he doesn't have the disease. We think he has the right blood type." Five tense minutes later, out come the doctors and nurses crying and hugging one another- some are even crying. It's the first time you have seen anybody laugh in a week, and an old doctor runs up to you and says, "Thank you, sir. Your son's blood is perfect. It's clean, it is pure, and we can make the vaccine." As the word begins to spread all across that parking lot full of folks, people are screaming and praying and laughing and crying. But then the gray-haired doctor pulls you and your wife aside and says, ""May we see you for a moment? We didn't realize that the donor would be a minor and we... we need you to sign a consent for." You begin to sigh, and then you see that the box for the number of pints of blood to be taken is empty. "H-h-how many pints?" And that is when the old doctor's smile fades, and he says, "We had no idea it would be a little child. We weren't prepared. We need it all!" "But... but... I don't understand. He's my only son!" "We are talking about the whole world here. Please sign We... we... need to hurry!" "But can't you give him a transfusion?" "If we had clean blood we would. Please, will you please sign?" In numb silence you do. Then they say, "Would you like to have a moment with him before we begin?" Could you walk back? Could you walk back to that room where he sits on a table saying, "Daddy? Mommy? What's going on?" Could you take his hands and say, "Son, your mommy and I love you, and we would never, ever let anything happen to you that didn't just have to be! Do you understand that?" And when the old doctor comes back and says, "I'm sorry, we've got to get started. People all over the world are dying," could you leave? Could you walk out while he is saying, "Dad? Mom? Dad? Why... why have you abandoned me?" And then next week, when they have the ceremony to honor your son, and some folks sleep through it, and some folks don't even bother to come because they have better things to do, and some folks come with a pretentious smile and just pretend to care, would you want to jump up and say, "EXCUSE ME! MY SON DIED FOR YOU! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE? DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?" I wonder if this is what God wants to say? "MY SON DIED FOR YOU! DOES IT MEAN NOTHING? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE?" -From Matthew Kelly's book, Rediscovering Catholicism. If this horrified you in any way or made your heart ache, copy and paste this in your profile. GOD CREATED CHILDREN To those of us who have children in our lives, Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was 'DON'T!' 'Don't what?' Adam replied. 'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' God said. 'Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!' 'No Way!' 'Do NOT eat the fruit!' said God. 'Why?' 'Because I am your Father and I said so!' God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! 'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?' God asked. 'Uh huh,' Adam replied. 'Then why did you?' said the Father. 'I don't know,' said Eve. 'She started it ' Adam said. 'Did not !' Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? Newscasters are the people who tell you "Good evening" and then proceed to tell you why it's not. If you don't care about being popular, copy and paste this into your profile. Drugs are bad news. Spread the word. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile. If you ever gazed blankly at somewhere, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown at them, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that fool! Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED! Apparently you told Santa that you've been good this year… he died laughing. Santa Claus is a stalker. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, he comes down your chimney in the middle of the night with a giant sack of toys...I'm scared of him for reasons!!! Would you like a side of epic with that fail? 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. I'm smiling. That alone should scare you. Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss The road to success is always under construction When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. If you or your best friend is insane copy this into your profile 92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Repost this if you're one of the 8 percent who would be laughing your butt off! If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile. (Several people actually) If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you are part of the 0. 0000001 percent of people who don't have a Facebook, copy this onto your profile. If you love writing, copy and paste this into your profile. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" 98 percent of authors confuse "you're" and "your". If you're one of the 2 percent who knows how to tell them apart, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile. I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this to your profile. If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile. (Like anime, manga, video games, etc...you get the point) Come to the Darkside, We don't have math. If you have a tendency to talk to yourself post this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every minute of it, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile. I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two goose are geese, the why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, then why aren't two footballs feetballs? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE it's weird. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever done the opposite of what someone told you to do copy this into your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle one of the characters for being so dumb copy, paste this to your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism. My friends (and I) are the type of people who spend all day trying to drown a fish. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. If you think you cannot live without music, copy this into your profile. If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours. If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this onto your profile What do you mean, my birth certificate expired? I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace or Facebook, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't ever been asked out. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15, Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, my name is paper YAH, Sakurablossom24, Rhianna224, Kisa T. Sohma, Lone-wolf761,charmed4lifekaren, Princess Marauder, iheartmwpp, FerbulousGirl, PFTones3482,Triplethreat123, AreiaCananaid, Xayhra There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side. What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. People are like Slinkies, you can't see what they are there for, but you can't help but smile when they tumble down the stairs. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them. I would agree with you but then we both be wrong. A wise man once said, "I don't know- go ask a woman." There are three types of people in the world: People who can count and people who can't. "Who's more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?" I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. Who ever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary. WARNING: Do NOT follow in my footsteps...I tend walk into walls and off the occasional cliff. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? If you laugh I will laugh. If you cry I will cry, and if you jump of a cliff I will laugh harder. Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution." Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with! When in doubt, push random buttons! Everyone brings happiness to this house: Some in coming, some in leaving. Determination: The feeling you get before you do something extremely stupid. Today, I thought about the phrase "revenge is sweet" and then thought about the phrase, "revenge is a dish best served cold." I have now come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream. 29 Annoying Ways to Order a Pizza 1. Start the conversation with "My call to (Pizza Place), take one... and... ACTION!" 2. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Tell the person taking the order, "would you please stop doing that...?" 3. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 4. Do not name your toppings; rather, spell them out. 5. Ask what the order taker is wearing. 6. Order 52 pepperoni slices arranged in a fractal pattern following from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they're getting all of this down. 7. If they repeat the order to verify it, say "OK. Your total comes to 10.99. Please pull up to the window." 8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say "Yes," heave a sigh of relief. 9. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni," using a long "i" sound. 10. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)?" When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When finally offered proof that they are really (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?" 11. Ask to see a menu. 12. Say you'll be able to pay for this "when the Hollywood people call back." 13. Demand imperiously, "Do you have ANY IDEA what is at stake with this pizza?!" 14. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting." 15. Punctuate your sentences with exclamations such as "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town." 16. Start the conversation by reciting the date and time, and saying, "This may be my last entry." 17. Sing the order to the tunes of songs from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" album: "Chop your pizza on a mirror!"; "Master! Master! Put hot sausages on my pizza!"; or "Gimme Pizza! You will do what I say, when I say Gimme Pizza!" 18. Give your order, then state firmly, "And that's as far as this relationship is going to get." 19. Ask for a deal available from a different pizza chain (e.g., if phoning Domino's, ask for a CheeserCheeser) 20. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza. Repeat this nested loop until asked to stop, then explain that you got "stuck." 21. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it. 22. Learn to imitate a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer. 23. Attempt to teach the order-taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders. 24. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?" 25. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?" 26. Order with a Speak-n-Spell. 27. If order-taker suggests a side order, ask why s/he is punishing you. 28. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, (So-and-so)." 29. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your poutiest voice, "LAST guy let me do it..." 10 Ways To Be S-T-U-P-I-D: 1. Ask for directions to a place you're already at. 2. Order pizza from McDonald's. 3. Get hit by a parked car. 4. Try to watch Saturday cartoons on Thursday. 5. Try to sell your money. 6. Try (and fail) to play the alphabet on the piano. 7. Eat all-you-can-eat at a store. 8. Get into a fight with yourself, and lose. 9. Try to go swimming without getting wet. 10. Ask for diet water at a restaurant Ways to Annoy people at the cinema: Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!" Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!" Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?" Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat" Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themselves. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end 18 Things to do when you're in Walmart! 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!", or "I choose YOU, PIKACHU!!" 16. Have a friend push you down the aisle in a shopping cart as you yell "THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!" 17. Shout at the top of your lungs "WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!" and count how many people turn to look at you. 18. Go down the candy isles screaming "WHY DOES MY TOOTH HURT?" IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" 7 Ways to scare your roommates 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..." 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you’re hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer." 79 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly. 7. Say "DING!" at each floor. 8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. 9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 21. Swat at flies that don't exist. 22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it. 23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off. 24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently. 28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it. 29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..." 30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't. 31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer. 32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting. 33. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 34. Tell people that you can see their aura. 35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..." 38. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 39. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 40. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 41.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 42. Shave. 43. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 44. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 45. One word: Flatulence! 46. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 47. Do Tai Chi exercises. 48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!" 49. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 50. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 51. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 52. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. 53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends 54. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" 55. Leave a box between the doors. 56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. 57. Start a sing-along. 58. Play the harmonica. 59. Lean against the button panel. 60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 61. Bring a chair along. 62. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 63. Blow spit bubbles. 64. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 65. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 66. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers. 67. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." 68. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" 69. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes. 70. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!" 71. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament. 72. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy. 73. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. 74. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part. 75. Make chalk drawings on the walls. 76. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!" 77. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on. 78. Try to get a game of "Twister" going. 79. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away. To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Why are dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numerals? Anaditdaephobia- the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you. Sarcasm- a way to insult stupid people without them knowing it. Don't steal, the government doesn't like competition. "This is Bob. Bob likes you. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob." "Here is all you need to know about men and women. Men are dumb and women are crazy. And the reason women are crazy is because men are dumb." "Oh? Rock beats paper? Okay, you try defending yourself with paper when I throw a rock at you." "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." "Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up." "There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." "What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'" "You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?" "If you can't convince them, confuse them." "Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs." "A criminal will stab you in the front. A friend will stab you in the back. A boyfriend will stab you in the heart. But only best friends poke each other with straws." "Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?" "I ran with scissors, and lived!" "Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?" "Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot." "I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!" "I did what they say and chose the road less traveled...Now where the heck am I?" "Someday, my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions." "Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that." "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies? Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM! Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream." You Know You're a Book Addict If: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. (I think I know books better than life itself. *stare off into space philosophically*) Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. (Story of my life.) You write fanfictions about the book. (NOOOOO...) You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books. You accidentally call everyone by the character's names. Everything reminds you of the book. (And POI!) You quote random lines all the time. (not really) You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class. You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod. (on my laptop. Don't have an iPod) You've got a book memorized. You've read a book more than five times. You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days. (Your kidding right? More like a 1000.) You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. (*rubs hands together evilly*) You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional. (Every time.) You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional. Your idol is a character from a book. (Halt! And Mr. Reese and Finch! Except they're from a TV show but they're EPIC!!!) If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Dearest creature in creation, English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité Things you are NOT allowed to do in Ranger's Apprentice, and what will happen to you if you do. 1. You are NOT allowed to sing "Greybeard Halt". Halt will make you spend the night in a tree. A PINE tree O.O 2. You are NOT allowed to answer a question with another question. Halt will glare at you and make you feel stupid. 3. You are NOT allowed to say "But I thought..." Halt will say "you're and apprentice. You're not supposed to think" or "If you thought about it, you wouldn't ask" 4. You are NOT allowed to give Tug more than one apple a day. Halt will say "One is quite enough." Tug however, will tend to dissagree. 5. You are NOT allowed to question Halt's skills for ANY reason. Odds are he'll kill you. Painfully. 6. You are NOT allowed to tell anyone that Halt's not really grim all the time. He'll knock you into next week and then kill you. 7. You are NOT allowed to sing "We're off to see the wizard" on your way to visit Malcolm. He'll turn you into a lizard. 8. You are NOT allowed to send your Christmas wishlist to Erak. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. After stealing everything on the list. 9. You are NOT allowed to sing "Santa's comin' to town" when you see Erak coming. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. 10. You are NOT allowed to ask why, exactly, Keren's name is Keren. He'll hypnotize you. 11. You are NOT allowed to sing "Dude looks like a lady" when you see Keren. He'll throw a blue rock at you. 12. You are NOT allowed to hum the James Bond theme while tracking things with Halt. He'll shoot you with an arrow. 13. You are NOT allowed to hum alien music as you near Healers Clearing. Malcolm will kill you. 14. You are NOT allowed to use the "Green Giant" jingle when you see Trobar. He'll steal your puppy. 15. You are NOT allowed to to talk about your wonderful recipe for clam chowder in Skandia. You'll be brained. 16. You are NOT allowed to ice skate on the pond in Skandia. You'll be assigned to the paddles (But hey, at least you'll get to stare at Will) 17. You are NOT allowed to kill Alyss and Evanlyn when they stare at Will with you. Will will NOT marry you (Shame...) 18. You are NOT allowed to sing the munchkin theme song around Will. He'll shoot you. 19. You are NOT allowed to call Halt "Lucky the Leprechaun" he'll kill you. 20. You are NOT allowed to ask Will about Crocodiles. He'll think you've gone mad. 21. You are NOT allowed to ask Halt to do an impersonation of Demo Man. He'll shoot you. 22. You are NOT allowed to switch Halt's coffee to decaf. You will die a slow painful death. 23. You are NOT allowed to oil the hinges on the door of Halt's cabin. He'll kill you if the intruders don't. 24. You are NOT allowed to threaten Will. Horace will challenge you to single combat and stick you with his dagger. 25. You are NOT allowed to ride Tug. He will throw you off and Will will shoot you for trying to steal his horse. 26. You are NOT allowed to write out the key to the Couriers Code. Crowley will rant and shoot you so full of arrows you will be remembered in death as 'The Porcupine'. 27. You are NOT allowed to fight a mad axeman with only your two knives. Gilan will throw you off a cliff so that he doesn't have clean up the mess. "Oatmeal raisin cookies looking like chocolate chip are the main reason I have trust issues" - I got this from xXLoveisOverratedXx who got it from SeekerMaxia, who got this from Bralt who got this from somewhere else. There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I, however, have erased this line. SARCASM is just another free service I offer. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with! Or shoot it with a machine gun. Whatever floats your special little boat. This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence. If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? (Very good question. . . .) You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to. The extinction of the dinosoars was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. When in doubt, make words up! When life gives you lemons, squirt them in life's eyes and then see how much they like lemons My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. They don't know that we know that they know we know. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought And this one- (\_/) PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGE If you support our troops, copy and paste this in your profile. If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile. Random Corner! This is just random things that I feel like putting on here. Read at your own risk! My favorite quotes will be in here too. This isn't even a corner. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. I dunno. I saw it on someone's page. You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It isn't even wit at all. Halt to Gilan in one of the books . . . I just remembered this so it might not be word for word. "He lied. He said he was greater then God. No one is." Some little girl on an episode of Law and Order: SVU I watched a couple days ago. "How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?" From the song Everything by Lifehouse. Halt raised an eyebrow. "He may be correct, and he is undoubtedly young. But he's no gentleman." Halt to General Sapristi in book 10. "He is making a joke, no," Will said. "But he thinks he is making a joke, yes." Will to General Sapristi regarding above statement in book 10. "One is never bored with Halt around." Me. Yes, one of my favorite quotes is something I said. I have poking wars with my best friend and my other friend Aaron. (What? Don't judge. Yeesh.) “We are all born ignorant, but it takes lots of hard work to become stupid.”-Benjamin Franklin "I would prefer if you did that somewhere else." "People look at me weird when I do it in the park." Finch and Mr. Reese when he is cleaning a big gun in the Library. "I made the grievous error of buying Bear a squeaky toy." Finch "Put on your top hats and monocles, kids," he said, waving a wad of cash. "I'm taking you to dinner." Uncle Mort to Lex and Driggs in Croak. "Before you say anything, I would suggest you remember I am holding an ax." Sherlock Holmes to Joan Watson in Elementary--something along those lines, anyway. When life gives you lemons throw them back screaming..."I WANTED LIMES!"- Elizabeth.M.Kelli Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit: when there are footsteps on the moon. Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it! Friday and Saturday Night Email Randomness!!! Here will be Morea24 and mine's emails! M:I got three new books today!!! X:Really??? What are they??? Who gave them to you??? M:Born at midnight X:No Way!!! OMG!!! So awesome!!! Read as soon as possible please!!! I looooooooooooovveee Halt!!! *Starts jumping up and down and screaming like a demented fangirl.* M:lol Says, while patting the fangirl on the head, "Halt loves you too." X*grins* I don't love him in a you-know-what kinda way 'cause he's like 60, but he's soooo epic and sarcastic!!! M:in the first book he is only fifteen oh lala ;) X:That's Will. M:sorry I only read the back one time X:Well you will soon become obsessed with the epicness of Halt! Like me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. . . .!!! *STARTS SINGING* "It's Halt, the Ranger of epicness!!! Oh yeah!" M:Xayhra, this is very urgent RANDOM MAN is here X:No!!!! *keeps munching on raspberry M&Ms* (After a few minutes) Sooooo. . . Has RM gotten you yet I mean I really can't have somebody that inefficient in my employment. M:were ow were has Xayh gone ow were could she be? X:Oh, it's working! *suddenly yells* "RM, you forgot the burning acid, again!!!" M:you sent him yah he tied me up with yarn X:Yarn? What happened to the poisonous rope? M:he broke it. X:I paid $100 for that! And I can't find the Iron Maiden! M:he brought it and dropped it it shattered sort of X:I paid $5,000,000 for that! What about my Professional Finger Nail Ripper-Offer as seen on TV? M:hang on let me ask him--okay he says that he dropped that down the air vent X:Honestly! I paid 4 easy payments of $19.99 for that! What about my Complete Cauldron for All Things from Angela? M: he says that it is behind you in your office X:Oh I thought that was Prince's bathtub! And he still has suds on him! The Hose of Death has stopped working! RM!!! (Prince is Morea's favorite horse) M:okay so he wants his orders again he forgot them X:You're kidding me! I told you 10 times! Torture her into reading The Ruins of Gorlan immediately! sheesh! M:make him stop please he is singing Justin Bieber! the pain! X:BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, BBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! M: the stario broke he has nothing to sing along to X:luckily I have invented YouTube! Fine. Sing Call Me Maybe without the Internet or Radio. M:I don't know that one!! X:hey! I just met you so call me maybe! try the duck song Oh come on! don't you know the duck song? M: no one not even Morea is deserves to here that song. he says he quits he wants a real job X:Well, he has to come to my office to sign the release papers. before I send this you swear you hear "I think I have a spare Iron Maiden lying around here somewhere. . ." M:did you send this assassin person 'cause RM left to go to the office but this guy wants to drag me to you!!?? X:Oh! that's Galby's OOC self! *Meanwhile* "Are you absolutely sure you want to quit RM?" *gently eases door to Iron Maiden a little more shut* M:yes I quit or I get a real job. X:OK I give you real job. Kill the President. M:Obama? X:No Steve Jobs! The president of Apple! M:I cant kill the president! Please give me another try with Morea. X: No. (after pause in conversation. M's computer was messing up.) Morea? I thought I told Galbatorix NOT to kill you! M:no he just had the ordasity to throw my computer. it almost broke. X:Galby! I need to tone your OOC-ness up a bit. M:(he asks what does OOC mean?) X:Galby or Morea? Out Of Character. Example: Normal Galby: MWAHAHA *STABS NASUADA* OOC Galby: *screams* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT'S A BUNNY!!! IT'S GOING TO KILL ME!!! M:okay that makes total sense. hey um Xayh I am almost to your house so like i am really tried Galbatorix made me walk. X:Good Galby. *Pulls out iron maiden* RM, on the other hand. . . M:Hi Xayh so um... X: um? M:Please let me go... why am I here? X:You know, I don't really know why you're here. M:Neither do I. X:All right you may go. M:thank you for releasing me. X: *Mutters* that's what you think. . . . So what do you think? I was joking. I wouldn't really kill Steve Jobs or Obama. (Although some days. . .) Note: I did not know that Steve Jobs was dead when I wrote this. YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. Total: 15 YOUR GIRL SIDE: You wear lip gloss/stick. Total: 4 WHAT AM I? PREP GOTHIC PUNK GEEK EMO GHETTO/GANGSTA HARDCORE/SCENE ATHLETIC In no particular order: 1:Halt 2: Lexington 3: Crowley 4: Mr. Reese 5: Orihime 6: Finch 7: Ichigo 8: Jenna 9: Beetle 10: Arya 11: Angela 12: Will Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? Finch/Angela? No. And I hope I never do. Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Mr. Reese? YES!!! Very, even though he's like 30 years older than me. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Will got Jenna pregnant? That's creepy. Jenna's like 14. . . . Do you recall any fics about Nine? Beetle? No. Would Two and Six make a good couple? Lexington and Finch? No. Finch is waaaaay too smart for her. And Lex wants adventure, Finch just does the hacking computer stuff. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Orihime/Beetle or Orihime/Arya? I can't see either but Orihime/Beetle is more believable. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve in an awkward situation? Ichigo walked in on Lexington and Will having an awkward situation? Lexington would use her awesome Grim powers and try to kill Ichigo but Ichigo uses his epic Soul Reaper powers but Will intervenes just in time to stop them with a random question. Yep. It happens all the time. Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic. Crowley and Arya? Um, Crowley is exploring a northern forest of Araluen when he is younger and finds himself in a strange world where he meets the beautiful elf Arya and she helps him find a way back to his world. That sounds awful. . . . Is there such a thing as One/Eight fluff? Halt/Jenna? No, just no. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic. Ichigo/Will. . . . Apparently, Sarcasm Doesn't Fix Everything? What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to go out with One? Mr. Reese to go out with Halt? No. That is plain WRONG. Does anyone on your Friends List read Three slash? A Crowley slash? I hope not. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Angela? Well, I do. And I don't really know what this friends list thing is. . . . Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Lexington, Mr. Reese, and Orihime? No, that would be a very weird fic. I'm tempted to write it. . . . What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? Arya? I don't think Arya screams. If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose? Hmm . . . Jenna. . . . Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie? (I just happen to be listening to that song right now) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Halt, Finch, and Will fic? Absolute Will whumpage and complete epicness! Mr. Reese will somehow appear. . . . What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Arya to use on Lexington? No. Just no. ANOTHER LIST: 1) You're out on a night out with 8 when you're savagely and drunkenly attacked by 2. What does 8 do? I'm out one night with Jenna and Lexington attacks us. . . . Jenna turns invisible and uses her chocolate charm to turn Lex into a chocolate statue. 2) What would happen if 9 got 5 pregnant? Beetle got Orihime pregnant? Um, Ichigo and Jenna team up and kill Beetle? 3) 6 and 11 go to a strip club. What happens? Finch and Angela go to a strip club? Not on your life. Mr. Reese would have a mad laughing fit then die of a heart attack. 4) 7 and 12 are making out when 4 walks in. What's 4's reaction? Ichigo and Will are making out when Mr. Reese walks in? That's disgusting and hilarious at the same time. 5) 10 falls in love with 3. 1 is jealous, what happens? Arya is in love with Crowley and Halt is jealous. There are so many things wrong with that statement. 6) 4 pulls up beside you, and offers you a lift. Will you take it? Mr. Reese offers me a lift? Heck, yeah! 7) Why is 6 afraid of 7? Finch is afraid of Ichigo because Ichigo has epic Soul Reaper powers. 8) 10 is getting ready to marry 5, when 9 runs in to stop the ceremony. What is 9's reason? Arya is going to marry Orihime and Beetle runs in to stop the ceremony. . . . Because that's gross. 9) Give a title of a romance movie about 3 and 12. Romance about Crowley and Will? Warning: Thou Shall Be Scarred for Life. 10) Fill in the blanks: "(1) and (9) are in a happy relationship, until (9) runs off with (2). (1), brokenhearted, has a short relationship with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (6), then follows the wise advice of (8) and finds true love with (3)." Halt and Beetle are in a happy relationship, until Beetle runs off with Lexington. Halt, brokenhearted, has a short relationship with Angela and a brief unhappy affair with Finch, then follows the wise advise of Jenna and finds true love with Crowley. Lemme see, slash and Halt's like 4 times Beetle's age. Beetle and Lex isn't too bad except Lex is like 3 years older than Beetle. Halt and Angela? That would be weird. Halt and Finch? No. Honestly, people! Stop trying to hook Halt up with POI characters! Jenna is 14. She can't give relationship advice, people. Hence, the awfulness of a Halt and Crowley slash, which is plain wrong for many reasons. | |||||||
1. Reading The Kings of Clonmel » reviewsYes, I know it's the 8th book in the series, but I've always wanted to write this. Major Will and Horace and occasional-Who am I kidding?-a lot of Gilan whumping after prologue! T because of violence in the book. Please read. My first semi-serious fic. That's not gonna last long. . . .Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,533 - Reviews: 54 - Updated: 5-22-13 - Published: 3-24-13 - Will2. Halt Goes to the Dentist » reviewsHalt goes to the dentist and tons of weird stuff happens. Erak ambushes Halt, Halt has a dream about two girls arguing about. . . something, and who knows what else! My first fanfic! Please don't kill me! A bit of a crackfic. Absolutely OOC. Read at your own risk.Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,728 - Reviews: 92 - Updated: 5-20-13 - Published: 1-31-13 - Halt3. Slogans » reviewsI was bored and came up with this. The characters of RA say the trademarks of assorted companies and products. Can you imagine our loveable Slagor and Borsa singing "It's a Pillow! It's a Pet! It's a Pillow Pet!"? Or, better yet, King Ferris and Halt? Fic will probably be deleted. K to be safe. Halt and Will will appear most often.Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 5,289 - Reviews: 91 - Updated: 5-17-13 - Published: 2-26-13 - Will & Halt4. The New PE Teacher » reviewsLooking for a new title! Mr. Reese and Finch get the number of fifteen year old Jerome Harris. Finch gets Mr. Reese a job as a teacher at Jerome's school but it isn't enough. They need help to keep eyes on Jerome. Finch has his eyes sent on someone, but Carter isn't too happy about it. Meanwhile, she and Fusco have to attend an office party. T for safety! Please R&R!Person of Interest - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,307 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 5-17-13 - Published: 4-29-13 - H. Finch & J. Reese5. Unsuspected Victim reviewsThis is another one of my English papers. When twenty-seven year old Autumn Ramos is murdered, three homicide detectives have to find out who did it. But, when they do, the only question they will have is who the murderer works for. T for violence. ORIGINAL STORY.310 series - Rated: T - English - Crime/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,683 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5-13-136. The Meadow of Bunnies, Unicorns, and Rainbows » reviewsGalbatorix has been sentenced to a lifetime in The Meadow of Bunnies, Unicorns, and Rainbows! Two-shot. Galbatorix is extremely OOC. I mean, scared of Dora OOC.Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,013 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 5-1-13 - Published: 4-8-13 - King Galbatorix & Eragon S. - Complete7. Ugly Hats reviewsWell, I don't really know how to explain this. Angela goes to a store and wants this woman's ugly hat. Don't know if I'll continue this. Very strange fic, please R&R anyway.Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 262 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 4-4-13 - Angela - Complete8. Free Coffee and Donuts reviewsHalt gets a new Ranger car that just so happens to have a striking resemblance to cop cars, and he hears an ad on the TV about free coffee and donuts at Koffee Korner. See where I'm going here? One-shot. A little OOC. Please R&R.Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 283 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 4-2-13 - Halt & Will - Complete9. Never Mess with Darke Magyk reviewsThis is the real reason you do not mess with Darke magyk. Mostly set during Alther's apprenticeship. OOC one-shot. Please R and R.Septimus Heap - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 303 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3-18-13 - Alther M. & DomDaniel - Complete10. Math Can Be Useful reviewsEragon does his math homework instead of practicing with Oromis. Now, Galbatorix would never ask Eragon math problems, right? I was bored and in math and wrote this. (Don't worry, I wasn't supposed to be paying attention to the teacher) Anyways, one-shot. Enjoy.Inheritance Cycle - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 210 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 3-17-13 - Eragon S. & King Galbatorix - Complete11. Tea Parties and Penguins, Oh My! reviewsHalt goes to a tea party that Captain Shakespeare is hosting-what? Pauline made him! Two OCs named Random Man and Assassination Lady appear and play catch. Now that's not weird. Unless the "ball" is a penguin! One-shot. I was bored. NO SLASH.Crossover - Ranger's Apprentice & Stardust - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 461 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3-15-13 - Halt & Captain Shakespeare - Complete12. Jeans and T-shirts reviewsEver notice how Finch and Mr. Reese always wear suits? Well, I did and this fic is what happens when they don't wear suits. Sorta. One-shot. Warning: fic is completely stupid. NO SLASH.Person of Interest - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 200 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 3-15-13 - H. Finch & J. Reese - Complete13. Happy Birthday, Halt! reviewsIt's Halt's birthday! Will and co. sing The Happy Birthday Song by Arrogant Worms to Halt! One-shot. Read at your own risk.Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 562 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 3-11-13 - Halt & Will - Complete14. The Sink Drainer of DEATH, DESTRUCTION, and DOOM reviewsI was at my grandma's and came up with this. Will does the dishes and, well, sink drainer incident. Crappy summary but hopefully better fic. One-shot. Please review.Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 232 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 3-7-13 - Will & Halt - Complete15. The Children of an Angel reviewsI wrote this story for my English class. I was told by my teacher that it was really good. I put this on here for the criticism that other aspiring authors can give me. The story is about a girl who is found in an alley with wings protruding from her back. A guy finds her and brings her to a duke's estate and the duke tells her why she has wings. ORIGINAL STORY.310 series - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,114 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2-14-13 - Complete
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