I'm a reader, not a writer! I love to read Twilight fanfiction and admit to being obsessive with it. But the good thing about it is that I'm a great reviewer. I leave over a 100 reviews in a week, no joke. The only reason why you're probably looking at my profile is because of a review I left you. I simply cannot imagine any other way someone would stumble across me otherwise.

Mini-rant for non-reviewers: here's the way I look at it. It's not right to go into a store and take a book without paying for it, right? Well, reviews are akin to payment. These writers sacrifice their time and energy writing, leaving a review is only fair. It's not like reviewing is hard. If you can't think of what to say, just focus on one thing you enjoyed while reading the story - be it a funny line, or a plot twist, whatever, and write about that. You don't have to write a 2 page essay, just leave a couple of lines of encouragement. However, if you have something to say that is critical, I recommend doing it in a pm to the author. It's something I intend to do myself now. And be polite! There is no reason to leave a rude review. If you don't like something, don't read it. If you disagree with a plot point or direction of the story, pm the author explaining it in a calm, logical way. Calling the author names and threatening them with violence isn't the way. Think before you go pm'ing an author. Don't go acting like a raging psycho bitch just because they haven't updated fast enough to suit you, or because you don't like their story. It's rude, it's ridiculous, it's wrong.

One last thing - surely you have enough brain cells that you can say something other than "luvd it! Update soon!" in a review? Seriously?

Mini-rant for authors: I have a bone to pick here too (my goal is to irritate everybody). First, while I understand how completely frustrating it must be as a writer to see all this traffic to their story and not the number of reviews you'd like, to me it is incredibly rude to hold a new chapter "hostage". It's just not kosher in my book. I have no problems if you want to wait a week or whatever in between updates to get as many reviews as possible, but to say you won't update until you get x number of reviews? I've decided that anytime I see that in an author's note, I will now stop reading that story. It's your story and it's your right to do what you wish, but I will exercise my right to no longer read it. Second, if you get a bad review, please don't let it get under your skin. I admire the courage it takes to put a story out there for the masses to criticize ('cause we've got some crazy readers), I know it must be scary. But there are a lot of idiots out there who like to flame just for the sake of it, and you need to develop a thick skin. That's all there is to it. Third, I completely understand that RL and writers block exist. But after 6 months, I'd really like to know if you're planning on continuing or abandoning the story. I think it would be great that if you decide to abandon the story, post a general outline (even if it's just a few sentences) of where you had intended the story to go. It would be closure for us readers of a sort. There's a lot of amazing stories that I haven't seen updated in a really long time (I shed a tear whenever I think of High Heels and Runaway Frisbees), it just makes me sad.

I like all sorts of fanfic: AU, AU-Human, crackfic - bring it! But I admit that right now I'm pretty tired of Slutward. It's overdone. There's still some stories that I'm following that have that theme but if I see any new ones come out with Slutward I'm giving it a miss for now. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of good Slutward fics but it seems like there's just a LOT lately. It's starting to grate on my nerves that Slutward seems to be paired an awful lot with ChasteBella, too. At least when Slutward is paired with SlutBella, there's some equal footing where Bella isn't just constantly overwhelmed by Slutward and unable to resist him. Oh, and I'm not a fan of Cheatward. I've yet to read a story in which I can forgive Cheatward of his ways. Probably the closest I've come is Remains To Be Seen by erinmiyu. Another good Cheatward story is Never Again by jstarrh, btw. I don't agree with the way her story is going (we agree to disagree I think), but I admire her writing and the depths she went in developing her characters and plot. Both are worth reading if you are into Cheatward.

I have a special obsession with fics in which Bella is already a vampire when she meets Edward. The possibilities are just so exciting to me. You can find a lot of VampBella fics in which she was abused as a vampire before coming across Edward. I've been looking for something different from that. So I'm very excited about a new story I've come across recently on Twilighted called Force of Impact. It has VampBella who is fairly recently turned (6 months), but more importantly she still comes across as being very Bella-like (does that make sense?). Just, without the clumsiness. It has a canon feel to Bella that is missing from a lot of VampBella fics I've read.

Pairings that I read: E/B, the occasional B/Jas or E/B/Jas. I'd probably enjoy reading others like A/J but if I expand out I'd have to stop sleeping.

Things I avoid like the plague in fanfiction: poor grammar. I can forgive a lot but if there's too many mistakes then I have to stop reading for the sake of my own sanity. Songfics. Just not my thing. Edward paired with someone other than Bella by the end of the story (unless he is such a jerk that he doesn't deserve to be with Bella, of course). I HATEHATEHATE Doormat Bella with a fiery passion. I didn't care/mind it so much when I first started reading fanfic so you'll probably see some stories favorited that have Doormat Bella in them. If I had the time I'd go through and weed them out, because honestly it does nobody any favors to have them in there. I sat down and really thought it through what Doormat Bella represents... and I don't like it one bit. I also can't stand fics where the characters act so stupid they should be held up as shining examples of people who shouldn't breed. All that does is infuriate me beyond belief to see stupidity in action. I also as a rule stay away from rape fics. My sister suffers from bipolar 1 disorder and was raped several years ago. Rape is horrifying enough to deal with but when you suffer from a serious mental illness already, well, the mental scars it has left on her makes it too difficult to read. My sister is still alive but I feel like I've already lost her.

If you're a writer, PLEASE put a warning early in the story if rape will be part of the plotline. To me, rape should be a different category from just "M", or saying something is a "dark fic". I love dark fics, but I can't read rape fics. There is a big difference between the two for me. Yes, I'm aware of the whole mess over on Twilighted because of this very issue, but I was NOT involved with that in any way, shape, or form. I'm not even familiar with the group that started the whole debacle. I don't chat with anyone, or participate in any discussions, I just like to read fanfic and review 'em. All I can say is that I would just really love to be forewarned if a fic has rape in it.

Words that seem to be misspelled or misused ALL THE TIME in fanfiction and drives me crazy. Don't be ashamed if you're guilty too, because even the greatest of writers make mistakes:

- shuddered. Definition: shiver: shake, as from cold. NOT "shuttered". Definition: provided with shutters or shutters as specified

- writhed. Definition: to move in a twisting or contorted motion. NOT "withered". Definition: lose freshness, vigor, or vitality

- wary. Definition: On guard; watchful. NOT "weary". Definition: Physically or mentally fatigued

- throes. Definition: violent pangs, pain, or convulsions. NOT "throws". Definition: To discharge into the air by any means

-imagined. Definition: Conceived or envisioned in the mind. Not "imaging". Definition: The production of graphic images, either from a video camera or from digitally generated data (see visualisation), or the recording of such images on microfilm, videotape or laser disk.

What I'm reading right now: I can't list them all. I have over 300+ stories in my Story Alerts! But my current faves that stick out in my head (these can be found either here on fanfiction.net or on Twilighted):

My Yes, My No by LolaShoes. I love this story so hard right now, it's my current obsession. We've only got four chapters but she had me with the second chapter. I have always hated how easily Bella forgave Edward in New Moon and felt like she did herself and their relationship a disservice by doing so. Not only does Lola make Bella strong enough to say "no" to Edward in chapter two, BUT she plans on exploring both paths - if she had said yes, and if she had said no. I'm very excited by this - we've seen a lot of writers take on one storyline or the other, but it will be wonderful to read both sides by the same "voice". It's interesting to see the character growth from the different paths. I have to admit I'm in the "no" camp, but the "yes" camp definitely has it's cough perks.

Elemental by TallulahBelle. No vampires but we have a supernatural bend in the storyline. Bella is a strong character and Edward is a jerk I want to throttle, but the storyline is absolutely engrossing. I love the storyline and her world is absolutely believable. I feel like telling the author she should change the names of her characters and look to publish this when she's done.

The Vampire in the Basement by michellepants. Incredible storyline, absolutely unique and I honestly cannot praise it enough. I read each new chapter at least twice. The first time in greedy gulps, the second time to savor. This is great writing. AU.

Cullenary Coupling by booksgalore. Funny yet very cerebral reading. I can't even try to describe it. Probably not everyone's cup of tea but it definitely is mine. AU.

The Fallout by OCDIndeed. Incredible post-apocalypse fic that is absolutely riveting. Very intense. Angsty without it being typical angst. Definitely my type of angst. I find it mildly amusing that we're on Chapter 19 and no Bella whatsoever, and I'm OK with that. Delving into the aftermath of both Edward's loss and the apocalypse has been amazing. The writer faces the darkness of the soul unflinchingly but there's still an element of hope even in the worst of times. I get annoyed sometimes with flashbacks to get the backstory, this is probably the one story where I actually look forward to the flashbacks because they're that freakin' good. The backstory is like nothing you've ever read before. AU.

Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary by Oxymoronic8. Another story I feel silly for listing because everyone knows IVO. Just call me yet another Oxyminion. AU.

Blood Lines by windchime. This one is posted only on Twilighted, I believe. This is the go-to story if you feel like having a good cry. The first few chapters always get to me. Amazing angst but in such a way you love the characters, it's simply the situation that they find themselves in that hurts. The character growth is wonderful to see in Edward and Bella. Once you get over the heartfail of the first few chapters or so, you will find yourself wallowing in beautiful, meaningful fluff. AU.

True Beauty by wishimight. I can't express how much I love this fic right now. We are all used to Edward being the beautiful one, but she turns that around on its head. I can't wait to see what happens next. Her profile says she hasn't abandoned this story and I am so holding onto hope that she means it. AU.

And the one story, out of ALL the stories that I follow, that has been abandoned but I would seriously pay money to see finished: Such a Pretty Girl by the indifferent child of earth. It's been taken down, which makes me mourn its loss. But, she did gift us with a synopsis of the storyline she had intended, which was wonderful of her and I could kiss her for that. It was a great story and I hope one day she might revisit it.

If I were to write a story: Every once in a while I get a pm encouraging me to write a story. I'm flattered (and somewhat bewildered), to say the least. But to be honest you guys really don't want me to go there. I've been really frustrated lately with some Cheatward and Slutward fics I've read, and the plotline running through my head involves Bella growing and maturing beyond Edward and NOT taking him back. Sometimes there is no HEA and whenever I toy with the idea of putting pen to paper, that's what I think about writing. It would certainly be different from other fanfics, but somehow I don't think anyone reading would be pleased with it.

If you're still reading this, I admire your tenacity. If you read something that sparks enough interest to comment, send me a pm.