SHE LIVES! Yes, that's right, I am not in fact dead! I have merely been trying to survive my junior year. Now that its summer (and I've returned from training in Japan) I have time to write again!

I will update "Humpty Dumpty" though it pains me to do so. I look back at it and cringe at the awfulness of it. But, with all the people who have been kind enough to review it, it is the least I can do.

Oh, be sure to check out my new fic "Sangre Fria". Its based on the Clint Eastwood spagetti western Fistful of Dollars. If you know of any other fics based on any of Eastwood's westerns PLEASE TELL ME! I've tried to find ONE but I have been very unsuccessful.

And, if you haven't seen The Good the Bad and the Ugly, A Fistful of Dollars, or For a Few Dollars More (aka, the "Dollars" series) than you are SERIOUSLY missing out. I, too, at one time REFUSED to watch and Eastwood movies because I was a big John Wayne fan and, in my close-mindedness, considered no western to be better than his. But, finally, after returning from Japan and suffering from jet-lag I was awake at 2am and the only thing on was For a Few Dollars More. So I reluctantly watched it and I was VERY surprised. I also thought "man, this would make a good fandom. I bet there are TONS of fics online". However, to my dismay, there were NONE that I could find. So, i decided to take matters into my own hands and write one. Now, i know that i am not anywhere as talented as most of you writers out there, and reading my own stories is not nearly as fun or enjoyably as reading other's stories, I would absolutly LOVE it if someone would join in this fandom with me (or at least point out where I was too stupid to look for fics from this fandom).

Things I have found that are much more interesting than information of myself. However, they may be a bit esoteric... (most of it it knicked from www.judoinfo.comand band stuff at www.bandnerd.com)

In today's crime-ridden world, personal safety is more important than ever. Here are some tips to help you protect yourself:

Pickpockets thrive in large, crowded areas where they can blend in and strike unnoticed. Stick to dark, isolated alleyways.

Always check the backseat before getting in your car. If a menacing-looking man is hiding there, get a girlfriend or coworker to accompany you.

In the event that you are mugged, don't bother the police -- call your mother immediately.

When venturing out in public, cover your genitals with both hands while scurrying furtively from place to place.

Carry mace with you at all times. This medieval spiked ball is ideal for fending off would-be attackers.

If forced to fight, keep the opponent from getting a grip and hope for a penalty.

Going everywhere in an oversized hamster ball is a good way to ensure your safety. Be sure to avoid geysers, though.

Try to live in close proximity to the Batman.

If mugged, take the opportunity to do a little comedic "mugging" of your own. Gesticulate wildly and say, "Oh, no!"

Take a women's self-defense class. It won't protect you from an armed attacker, but you'll get a chance to bond with your "sisters."

Instead of a real wallet, carry a gag one that shoots ink or confetti when you open it. That'll show Mr. Mugger!

If you go jogging, wear sweatpants that say "Do Not Rape" on the ass and crotch.

Keep in mind that it's hard to rob someone who has taken the precautionary measure of setting him or herself ablaze.

If you must walk alone at night, appear as "street-wise" as possible by dressing like a prostitute.

According to the NRA, the best form of personal protection is to be in possession of a loaded firearm at all times. To ensure your personal safety, stay the hell away from NRA members.

Remember -- you can't get attacked by anyone if you preemptively attack everyone you encounter first (this is known as the Bush Doctrine).

You might be a judoka if...

you think learning to fall helps you learn to throw people.

you see someone taking a bad fall off his bike, and the first word that pops into your head is "ippon!"

every time you see a big open space you have to restrain yourself from doing ukemi for no apparent reason.

when you see some big guy walking down the street you plan how to throw him on his back and then armlock him. you secretely wish that some untrained, unarmed, and unaccompanied robber would come and attempt to rob you.

your girlfriend thinks you're a freak because you have callouses on the back of your fingers from doing judo grips.

you instinctively bridge and roll whenever you wake up from a nightmare.

you're teaching your kid to ride a bike and start off with ukemi drills!

you get into bed with a forward roll.

a shirtless attacker becomes your worst nightmare.

you choose your dates by how well they look in a Judogi.

you spend more time on top of your friends than your girlfriend.

you say "you should see this new technique I learned" and all of a sudden you're the only one in the room.

you keep having this dream about your mother-in-law reversing your best choke.

your dog shakes hands with everyone but you.

when you are sawing wood or hammering nails you consider it uchikomi.

you can take your child to practice because you're in the same class.

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts

Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.

The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.

You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class.

The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.

The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.

After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.

After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.

No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

If Judo players ruled the world...

After every tournament the competitors would get a chance to randori with the referees.

There would be 385 different belt colors, so you could get promoted just for coming to a class.

Only sports that can be done barefoot would be allowed on TV.

Brazilian Jiujitsu students would all develop a painful rash on their backs so they would have to fight standing up.

The victors in any athletic competition would get to body slam the losers.

Judo would be a professional sport, and you'd get paid per fall.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

A referee's vocabulary would be limited to "Hajime" and "Ippon".

Mats would stay clean by themselves.

To increase training opportunities, bars and nightclubs would be required to have mats.

Judogis would be acceptable business attire and everyone would have to wear them.

The old instructors would all be 40 years younger so you could really see how good they are.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Breaking up would be a lot easier.

One successful choke would do it.

Your opponents would always weigh less than your little sister.

The TV show "Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

10 Signs that you have bad referee

10) The referee borrows a pair of glasses from the corner judge.
9) The referee argues about whether he can bring his walker on the mat.
8) Your opponent's sleeves are folded up to the elbows, and the referee doesn't notice.
7) The referee keeps going up to Japanese fans and asking if they are Yasuhiro Yamashita.
6) He still thinks the pistol grip refers to a technique in the Goshin Jutsu.
5) Your opponent has gotten up 3 times before the referee decides that the first throw scored ippon.
4) The score reaches 3 waza-ari to 2 waza-ari, and you're still fighting.
3) The referee carries a stop watch to time 3 seconds for newaza.
2) During meetings the referee and corner judges exchange money.

and the number one sign you've got a bad referee...

1) After the match, the referee can't find his shoes.

Avoid confrontation at all cost, but if you must fight, use the biggest weapon available--the ground.

Judo is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers knock each other down.

Band Sayings

Old band nerds never die...they just leave after half-time.

Reeding is fundamental.

Band camp blows

Woodwinds kick brass

Spit Happens

Trombones do it in seven positions

What happens at band camp, stays at band camp...NOT!

Musicians Theory of Relativity: E=Fb