VOUS ETES DEJA MORTS (de rire)

~Highly amusing thingy spray-painted on a barrier near my house by an enterprising tagger~

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I got rid of my old bio, and if you want to know anything about me, my advice is: bog off and get a life. What does it matter who I am to you? I'm a faceless writer with a messed-up personality.

Random Things About Me:

I am addicted to tea, but abhor coffee (except when it's cold).

I am in danger of forgetting my English. French is so much nicer. It is also the only language where a manchot is manchot. That is, a one-armed person is a penguin. I find the language flows easier. And the swear words come easier than in English. At least for me.

I injure myself frequently.

I dislocated my jaw when I was 10 and can now tell when a thunder storm is coming, thanks to the ache. You'd think it would've worn off by now, wouldn't you? I have actually dislocated my jaw 3 1/2 times. Once by running into this ginormous American football player when HE got in MY way, once getting hit with a hockey stick, once getting hit with a car door and sort-of-but-not-really dislocating it when I stretched my jaw too far whilst eating an apple.

I wear a leather band with my name stamped on it that I made when I was 6 and recently found, much to my amazement. Not amazement that I still have it, but amazement that I spelt my name right, actually.

I talk to myself (I like dealing with a better class of people).

I have committed various acts of accidental vandalism.

I would like to keep a yak in my shed, but my mother tells me there isn't enough room. But I suppose a dog will do. But where to find one . . .

I have owned (and killed in various ways, most of them accidental) more than 20 goldfish, all of which are buried in my back garden.

I'm the oldest of the children in my family and I never minded it.

I never swear in English, only French and a wee bit in Spanish.

I use "wee" instead of a little when I shouldn't (example: to various important and highly educated people, in essays)

I am addicted to raw mozzerella.

I ABHOR pop music, country music, folk music (except for Jim Croce and Suzanne Vega), Mary Sues, paper cuts, heights and large crowds.

I am also, as of 1.524 words ago, the author of the longest fic in the Artemis Fowl fandom. And I'm not even done yet.

Definition of the metaphor "fallen into the abyss": One who has fallen into an immeasurably deep gulf or great space/an intellectual or moral depth. One who has become disillusioned, disenchanted; one who has lost faith.

Am doing a major re-write of Key For A Door . . ., but am also continuing it, so watch out for actual updates.