SHABLAM!

You see, by the time I actually wrote out "Shablam" I'd hoped to have come up with a decent segway into introducing myself. This did not happen.

I am Shawna. I have been on and off this site for five years now (Lord, I need a different hobby), give or take, running through several pen-names (For example, Dekujama, Jellylorum, Amilolomy, and Witch of the Northwest) until finally landing on The Magic Pocket Turtle, which is actually an inside joke between myself and my sister, and should be pronounced in a faux British accent for full effect.

Many of my early fics were removed, as part of an angry rampage I went on when one of my more popular fics was removed with the addition of the "No Script Form" rule. This actually became something of a blessing- as a result, not only were my horrible fics deleted, but I was forced to write prose. Several of my fics are still heavily dialogue based though. I'm working on that.

Now, because I am well aware of the Pairings War that is spread across nearly all the fic areas, I'm going to say this, and be done with it; As far as pairings go, I don't care. There are only two pairings I truly support above all others, and they are as follows;

KishXIchigo (Mew Mew Power)

GeroroXNatsumi (SGT Frog)

And do you know what I do to fics that don't have those pairings? Like any sane individual, I IGNORE THEM. I KNOW I don't like them, and so, I DON'T READ THEM. There is no reason to bash someone else's pairing preference, for the sole reason that it is their preference. Really. And it's true, I don't care. Do whatever you want. Let the Joker and the Riddler meet up one hot and steamy night. Let Edward and Granny Pinako get down and kinky with it. Let Tweety Bird and the Tazmanian Devil discover happiness in the dark woods of the Amazon. Knock yourself out. This is Fanfiction. Que Sera Sera.

And I mean that too. When I review, I try not to criticize someone's chosen plot, unless it makes no sense, fails to tie together, or is a cheap, blatant rip-off. I focus more on the mechanics, why? Because I know mechanics. I understand them, and God help me, I paid attention in English class. I can spell too.

So, those are my two standards for Fic-Writing: Pair who you want, write what you want. Sure, its pretty loosy-goosy, wishy-washy, but I really don't care. I think as I think and feel as I feel. I'm entitled. You are too, but this is my bio.

I'm rarely in one fanfiction section for long- In this year alone, I've run through Powerpuff Girls, Darkwing Duck, Sonic the Hedgehog, Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Powerpuff Girls again, X-men, Batman again, Sonic again, Gargoyles, Aladdin, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog, and have recently slid in sideways between Hetalia and the PPG again. I flip through characters as well, and I have a deep love for any and all villains.

I love debate, although I do try to refrain from arguing about Fanfiction, because quite frankly, there is very little to argue about in my mind. "This fanfic sucks!" That's your opinion, I like it. "This fanfic's great!" Yippee Hi-Ki-Yay for you, I think it sucks. "I hate Nonexistent Character A! He/She/It should die!" Your anger is obviously directed toward the real outrages in life. No, no that's not sarcasm, excuse me for a moment. "I hate PersonBXPersonC!" So don't read it! If you're reading for the secondary or primary plot that doesn't involve the pairing, suck it up. So long as they have good grammar and can spell, you shouldn't force your preferred pairings onto that person. In fact, screw grammar and spelling (Yes, they are hugely important, and I tend to gloss over and forget the fics that lack them, but bear with me here, you've made it this far.). Don't force your pairings! You write yours, I'll write mine, he'll write his and she'll write hers and we all live in a yellow submarine thank-you-very-much!

Cough.

I personally believe that in writing fanfiction, you should stick as close to the original canon as possible, but I am well aware that not everyone believes this, which results in an outcropping of OC's and AU's. That's fine, they don't really bother me, but I prefer writing and reading fanfics that fill in blanks left by the original or "What-If" scenarios spawned from incidents in the original.

Oi, I could fill a novel with my beliefs on fanfiction, which is oh-so-relevant to the world, but in truth, the whole thing boils down to this: Fanfiction is a training ground. It's a place for people who enjoy writing for the sake of writing, who want or need the practice in manipulating events and characters into a story. Fanfiction is a place for people to spend time with characters they love, for people to give and ensure that their preferred characters get the attention they so richly deserve, because, let's be honest here, who has not crushed or fallen hopelessly in love with at least on fictional character? Come on, out with it! I have, you have... admit it.

I am a lover of humor in almost all forms, but the ones I love most are irony, parody, and satire. Ah, irony. The fifteen-million dollar, surgically altered spycat finally released for duty, flattened by a taxi cab not fifteen seconds after release. The science team, who after years of hunting a rare orchid, pack up, only to find it squashed beneath their tent. Irony. God, what a beautiful thing. I live for schadenfraude.

My hero, my idol, is the late Bill Hicks- a comedian, philosopher, and misanthrope. Don't get me wrong, I love Gandhi and Ben Franklin as much as anybody, and I have full faith in humanity's potential for good, but... Bill Hicks! One of maybe three people in history I can say confidently was 100 NOT a hypocrite! (And, oddly, Ghandi is not included in that list.)

Who cares what I look like, you'll never meet me, who cares where I live, I'm not leading you there, that's just stupid. Do I write original fiction? Yes, yes I do. On the off-chance I post it online they can be found at Fictionpress.com under the user name "Amilolomy". I post rarely though. There're only one or two stories there. Do I have a DevientArt account? Yes, actually, it's recent so there's pathetic little there, but those of you interested in an orignal strip comic I like to call Tony The Pony will find me as TheSpicyHermit.

My favorite film is "The Seventh Seal", a classic, a beautiful meld of story, imagery, theology, philosophy, and everything else you could dream of for a movie. Although "Pan's Labyrinth", "What Dreams May Come", "Donnie Darko" and "Dragonheart" are close runners-up. (So is "The Elm-Chanted Forest", which, while not nearly so spectacular in execution, was my childhood favorite, and the subject of my first ever fanfiction.)

I'm My fvorite book is, and has been for awhile"The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", but runners up are "Watership Down", "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" and "The Last Unicorn".

Among the many things I collect, I collect quotes. I love quotes, I am compelled to write them down and remember them, and for those of you who are also compelled to read quotes, I leave you with these.

"There are no rules around here, we're trying to accomplish something!"-Thomas Edison

"It's a choice- to look through the eyes of love instead of the eyes of fear, just once, like for instance the money we spend on guns and defense each year, the money we spend on bigger locks and more f-ing cops, instead if we spent that money feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world which would pay for itself many times over, not one human being excluded, we could as one race explore outer space together in peace, forever. That is my dream."-Bill Hicks

"God was satisfied with His work, and that is fatal."- Samuel Butler

"My advice to the women's clubs of America is raise more hell and fewer dahlias."- William Allen White

"The value of life is that it's impermanent."-Mr. Walsh

"I hate people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."-August Strindberg

"H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken. There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude."- Maxwell Bodenheim

"I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest."-Will Rogers

"The only threat to the status quo in this country is us."- Bill Hicks