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Author has written 30 stories for Super Smash Brothers, Star Fox, and Maple Story. I AM ALIVE ASDFBWAHAHAHAHAAAA. (Chokes on a pineapple) Welcome. You have currently reached the headquarters of Kal Ancalas Productions. If you're here to stalk me for personal information, please press 1 now. If you're here to look for plot spoilers hidden in this profile as subliminal messages, please press 2. If you're here to tell me that you're too st00pid to understand the subtle themes and meanings conveyed in my writing, please press 3. If you're here to complain that my writing ability has stagnated as of late, please press 4. If you're here for the free raisin cookies, please press 5. If you're here to give me free stuff, please press 6. If you're here to bear my children, please press 7. If you're here looking for a witty and inspirational quote, please press 8. If you're here to tell me that all my writing sucks and I should go to heck, please press 9, 1, and 1 in order. You will be redirected to a special hotline. Mention the codename "I. M. Aterist" while calling to receive a free courtesy package. Name: Kal Ancalas Age: 16.56 Height: Haven't measured in years, but I am somewhat tall for my age. Weight: Over 9000. Favorite Genres of Stories: Well-written angst, humor, and the original speck of drama every once in a while. Favorite Fandoms: MapleStory (stop laughing) and Tales of the Abyss. I also like to pick up some comic relief from FullMetal Alchemist and Harry Potter once in a blue moon. Least Favorite Genres of Stories: Romance (especially shonen-ai/shoujo-ai), and really shitty humor Least Favorite Fandom: Tales of Symphonia. Ironic, considering I like the game. But the fanfics are...well. Ehem. Not saying anything more. Hobbies: Writing, sleeping, dying. Pet Peeves: Piano, bad reviews, your mom. Favorite Manga/Animes (hey, everybody does it): Doraemon. Stop laughing. Seriously. Okay, this is not funny. Stop it. Now. Favorite Music: If it can be stolen off rapidshit, then I probably listen to it. CONTEST INFORMATION OMGOMGOMGOMG Yes, kids, you read right! Kal Ancalas is officially sponsoring a MapleStory fanfic contest, if for no other reason than everyone else is doing and he needs to do something besides being manically depressed and watching open heart surgeries on YouTube! So, for those of you with the necessary levels of courage, skill, and window cleaner required to undertake such a quest, I give you the following criteria: 1.) The story can be titled anything you wish. However, please note that titles such as "Mr. McPotty and the Great Hemorrhoid Monster" may detract from your score. 2.) The story can be any genre. 3.) As for the actual content of the story- well, let's put it this way. I am an egotistical person. As such, I like to feel that I am important (note: I'm not.) Therefore, I ask simply that you write a story about one or more characters that I have used in one of my Maple Story stories. It can be any story you wish. However, please note: No NPC's. (I apologize to all those people who wanted to write "Ballad of That One Guy Who Died In Chapter 24 of Revolt". Sorry, guys.) If you choose to write a humor story, you may include me (Kal) as a character as well. 4.) As authors, I give you largely free rein to do whatever you want. This means if you feel like killing, maiming, mutilating, and/or impregnating any of said characters in your story, go ahead if you feel it suits your purpose. If you choose to include me as a character, same goes (although I would advise skipping the impregnating in that case). However, please don't use this as an opportunity to gratuitously kill off me and all my characters simply because I suck dog balls. That's just stupid. 5.) However...When writing, please try to stay as in-character as you can (unless, of course, you're writing crack). Reread my stories if you have to. I'm not going to be a tightwad about this, so if you can't recall a few character quirks don't worry. Do note, though, that there ARE limits that need to be recognized. 6.) You are authorized to write alternate universe stories if you feel you can work better in such a capacity, or if you feel my universes stink. Again, see #4. 7.) Rating can be anything. Note: M-rated stories will either get bonus points or automatically be disqualified, depending on the skill level of the author in question. 8.) Spelling and grammar are self-explanatory. I shouldn't have to proofread your pieces for you, people. 9.) Closing date will be sometime in late April, perhaps early May. I do NOT want anyone to feel pressured as a result of time, so I will not put a concrete closing date here. Depending on the level of interest shown in this dreck (contest), I will extend or shorten the deadline as need be. What matters is that you write well without the stress of chronological constraints. 10.) Have fun and be creative. I'm dying to see what you guys can create. Seriously, though, I think I'm dying. I think it might be because of this bread knife in my kidney, but I'm not sure. Goals In Life (listed in no particular order): 1. Not dying. Nuff said. NEW: AUTHOR STATS! (Last updated February 15, 2009. Wow, I haven't updated in 9 months. Effing A.) Hey. This part of my profile is for people who want to check up on the progress of my stories, or want to see whether I've been hit by a car or not recently. Like 99 percent of all the authors on this site, this section will likely gradually fall into disuse within a couple of weeks and be left to burn in the fires of fiction purgatory, so make use of this while you can. There are currently 122 people who think my writing is actually worth something besides mole feces. Of these, roughly half are because of my MapleStory epic, Revolt of the Archers, half are because of my Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series (an inane series of one-shots dedicated to video-game characters and potty humor), and some are for stories I've written two-three years ago and have long since deleted. There's also the occasional wacko who has no one on his/her favorites list except me, which both flatters and scares me at the same time. There are currently 59 people who are stalking my stories. Again, most (if not all) of these are rabid Revolties. I have currently seen fit to bestow 110 pieces of wisdom upon the community of FanFiction . Net. Most of these comments have been ignored. I only truly review things that I admire or have deep respect for, such as The Lone Crusader, written by Master and Chief and Arbiter, and if you don't review that story, I will take a rabid blind mole rat and shove it up parts of your body that you might find incommodious (by the way, that's a good word to know for all you SAT freaks out there). Kal Ancalas Productions has currently kidnapped 662,071 words from the English language (YAY, I BROKE THE 600K BARRIER- SECOND IMPROMPTU CELEBRATION MOMENT) and forced them to rearrange themselves in positions that might be visually appealing to a mass audience (this statement may be taken in any way you wish.) Of these, approximately 445,744 were used to write the story Revolt of the Archers. This figure does not include anything written prior to March 2005. An average of 22,069 words have been used to create each of my literary opuses. In actuality, most of my stories are 1,000-5,000 words long, but Revolt's staggering word count sort of screws that figure over. You'll notice this is the first time this number has been decreased in a while. 11,467 people (not including you- ha) have been unfortunate enough to click the little blue hyperlink at the top of Revolt of the Archers (or for any of my stories, but this is the chief offender) that reads 'Kal Ancalas' and are now reading this. Next week, I'll likely add your clicks to this count. 41 people have voted in the latest poll I've put up. You guys really hate me, don't you? Works in Progress (again, this, too, may be subjected to periods of inactivity, so please don't PM me with stuff like '0MG j00 sad u were g0na upd4t3 th15 t00 d4yz ag0 j00 f4g l0l' (bad h4x0r, but there's only so much FF will let me do with their symbol filtering) because that tends to piss me off, and I don't write well when I'm pissed off. You do the math here (actually, there is no real math involved, unless you'd like to apply an algorithm to see if there are any subliminal messages hidden in this long line of random text.) Everything is dead, lol. If you hate being told to copy-paste stuff in your profile, copy-paste this into your profile. "I ate the DO NOT EAT packet in my pepperoni. Am I going to die?" "Well, everyone's going to die eventually." "Everyone?...Oh my god, what have I DONE!" -Rob DenBleyker, Cyanide and Happiness "What a stupid quest! Bah!" "What happened?" "What happened? Hah! I expected heroic deeds, money, fame, hot chicks, and instead the trainer wants five rat tails!" "Don't worry! As you level up, you'll become a lot more involved with the lore and storyline!" "Oh, that's cool then! So what's your quest for level 20?" "I need to find five wolf tails." -Gianna Masetti, THE NOOB | |||||||||||
1. Flight of the Phoenicis » reviewsIt began as desires: for revenge, power, and yes, love. But no one could have predicted what would happen when the great Darkness was released, or what it would mean for the world it destroyed. Direct sequel to Phoenix's Song. Part I of a two-part series.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 18 - Words: 36,651 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 2-15-09 - Complete2. Veritas » reviewsHistory founds itself upon truth, but who is to say what is the truth? Here lie stories of the legendary Subspace Affair, from the mouths of the very same fighters that fought within its intrigues for the sake of their world. Major SE spoilers.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,830 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 9-23-08 - Published: 6-28-083. Phoenix's Song reviewsBecause even the most practical of hearts can believe, and the smallest of friendships can bloom. For Absol Master's FF challenge.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,025 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 9-1-08 - Complete4. An Enlightening Conversation reviewsAlternate Title: Why Authors Shouldn't Talk to Their Own Characters. Completely unrelated to MapleStory, although it is a cheap laugh. If you hate me because I haven't updated Revolt, I suggest not reading this.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,498 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 8-14-08 - Complete5. The Hitchhiker's Guide to Subspace reviewsIn which an attempt to educate readers about the dangers and idiosyncrasies of Subspace is viciously butchered by pop culture references, financial statements, and Canada, as Solid Snake and Captain Olimar learn the hard way. No Snake x Olimar pairing.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,758 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7-17-086. Revolt of the Archers: Sneak Peek of Chapter 26 reviewsA very short, very bad self-parody of Revolt. Do not read unless you like offensive and obscure humor. You know what, just screw the three days. I'm too effing tired.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,203 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 6-8-087. Revolt of the Archers » reviewsThe story of an aspiring bowman whose destiny, like it or not, has become inexorably linked with the fate of the world. Oh, NOW you guys decide to leave nice long reviews AFTER I decide to stop updating. I may have to reanimate this soon.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 485,299 - Reviews: 650 - Updated: 5-24-08 - Published: 12-14-068. Interlude of Crystal reviewsA chance meeting between two characters in the middle of the night, and a discussion of what could have been. Devil Children oneshot, spoilers for Revolt up to ch. 15. Written out of depression-induced boredom, somewhat off-topic.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,284 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 4-15-08 - Complete9. Revolt of the Archers: Sneak Peek of Chapter 25 reviewsJust as the title says. Enjoy.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,993 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 4-1-08 - Complete10. Fairy Tale reviewsWhen all that remain are memories, the ties of friendship can still reach across the expanse of time. A true story, dedicated to a true friend.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,674 - Reviews: 28 - Published: 3-5-0811. Way One Moves Time » reviewsA single choice can change a destiny. A single soul can be corrupted. A single heart can mean the difference between victory and defeat. Officially dead for all intents and purposes, though I may finish it on a whim.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 36,451 - Reviews: 32 - Updated: 12-10-07 - Published: 10-27-0712. Fragments reviews[Revolt, 20 years preseries] The story of Bera's greatest Dark Knight and those around him, told through his own eyes. A must read for those who are confused or curious about Seles and Gardner's pasts. [Spoilers for Chapters 10 and 20.] Review, or else.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,515 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 9-9-07 - Complete13. Affinity reviewsShe could never forsake one in favor of the other, and yet... [Revolt of the Archers oneshot, spoilers up to chapter 13. Arundalecentric. Sap warning.]Maple Story - Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,434 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 5-25-0714. Cranes reviewsThey say if you fold a thousand paper cranes, your most heartfelt wish will come true. [Revolt of the Archers oneshot. Talescentric. Angsty, some spoilers.] Reposted with a new author's note at the end.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - General/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,287 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 4-23-07 - Published: 4-9-07 - Complete15. The Red Eyed Monster reviewsIt was just a bedtime story, Natalia. Nothing more.' [Devil Children oneshot, set 10 years preseries. Slight spoilers for Chapter 15 of Revolt of the Archers. Arklansercentric.]Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - General/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,207 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 3-28-07 - Complete16. Tourniquet reviews[Set in the Revolt universe, 2 years preseries. Spoilers.] A short, weird Devil Childrencentric oneshot, done out of boredom. Kratos: Hemophobia is a fear of blood. Hemophilia is uncontrollable bleeding. Please get your facts straight :]Maple Story - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,613 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 3-17-07 - Complete17. Ranger's Treatise » reviewsYou've always wanted to be a third jobber, but is it as much fun as it's cracked up to be? A bored and cynical Ranger shares his thoughts on the world of Maple Story. Not for the easily offended. Gah, I can't believe people are still reading this...[dc]Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,416 - Reviews: 47 - Updated: 12-10-06 - Published: 11-5-0618. Down, But Not Out reviewsMy first fic in a while. A short oneshot. Based on a true experience. Feel free to review. Rating is between K and T for some language and themes.Maple Story - Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,067 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 8-22-0619. Retribution II reviewsYou may be wondering how there can be a Retribution II. Well, there is, and it's kind of...bad. Review as you will.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,294 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 6-4-0620. Retribution reviewsA short drabble that I wrote one night. It's for anyone who's ever been KSed, even though there are already a couple of fics based on that. Read and review.Maple Story - Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,443 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 4-14-06 - Complete21. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 7: Freaking Idiots in Time! » reviewsThe advent of the seventh story in the everpopular, everinsane Fox, Roy, Yoshi series. It will not disappoint you.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,522 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 3-30-0622. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 6: Rise of the Dairy Products » reviewsAfter a long hiatus, Kal is back with his greatest humor story yet. Is a continuation of Fox's Eating Habits and The Weird Exploits of Falco, Marth, and Bowser as well. OMG! FINALLY, AFTER THREE LONG MONTHS, COMPLETED!Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,678 - Reviews: 19 - Updated: 3-25-06 - Published: 12-10-05 - Complete23. Torn Apart reviewsA very short poem about Fox and James McCloud. I wrote it on caffeine. R and R plz.Star Fox - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 270 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 11-20-05 - Fox M. & James M.24. Fox's Eating Habits » reviewsFrom the author of the Fox, Roy, Yoshi series and the story Yoshi 007, comes another short humor story in the universe of Super Smash Bros. Melee. It's about Fox, as you might expect. COMPLETEDSuper Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,789 - Reviews: 22 - Updated: 10-13-05 - Published: 7-31-05 - Complete25. The Weird Exploits of Falco, Marth, and Bowser reviewsA direct parody of the Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series. In this story, Falco, Marth, and Bowser are looking for cash. The trouble is, all of their pathetic attempts fail. [Not a oneshot as promised]Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,257 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 9-11-05 - Complete26. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 5: The Donut and the Party » reviewsIt's here! The fifth story in the popular Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series! It's twice as long, and twice as funny! REVIEW! Summary inside. UPDATED! And on the same day too...Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,680 - Reviews: 16 - Published: 9-5-0527. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 4: The Donut Bazooka reviewsThe fourth story in the Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series. The funniest so far in my opinion. You can also call it The Cream Donut War Wave 2 if you want.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,150 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 6-14-0528. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 3: The Cream Donut War reviewsThe third, longawaited story in the Fox, Roy, and Yoshi stories. This is DEFINETELY the funniest, considerably longer, and it is a mustread for fans of the series, or for anyone looking for humor.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,314 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 5-7-0529. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 2: 60 Bombs » reviewsA sequel to Fox, Roy, Yoshi, and the Soda Thieves. Do not read unless you have read Soda Thieves first. Fans of the first and bored people should read this. Rated for craziness. IMPORTANT! Read corrections in the Reviews section before reading.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,314 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 3-25-0530. Fox, Roy, Yoshi 1: Soda Thieves reviewsFox, Roy, and Yoshi must investigate the theft of CocaCola's secret recipe. Extremely funny. Rated for stupidity.Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,414 - Reviews: 17 - Published: 3-22-05 - Complete
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