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Name: Kal Ancalas
Age: 15 at last!
Height: Haven't measured in years, but I am somewhat tall for my age.
Weight: Pick an arbitrary number between 1 and 1000- there's a 0.1 percent chance you'll get it right.
Favorite Genres of Stories: Well-written angst, humor, and the original speck of drama every once in a while.
Favorite Fandoms: MapleStory (stop laughing), Tales of Symphonia, and Tales of the Abyss. I also like to pick up some comic relief from FullMetal Alchemist and Harry Potter once in a blue moon.
Least Favorite Genres of Stories: Romance (especially shonen-ai/shoujo-ai), and really shitty humor
Least Favorite Fandom: Naruto. Most of the fics there are simply tarnished crap. I know that there is a lot of good Naruto fiction out there- heck, I'll even read some once in a rare while- but most of it is just mindless, and it's a bit too mind-numbing to sift through the slag to find anything semi-decent. In recent years since the advent of Shippuden, the quality level has gotten somewhat better, but still...(sigh)
Hobbies: I like writing, if only to soothe my tortured soul and escape my nihilistic existence. I also like drawing, mostly to complement said tortured soul and nihilistic existence. I also like eating and sleeping, but then again, so does 99 percent of the general population.
Pet Peeves: I HATE TEH PIANO. Though I've won a few piano competitions in the past, I still hate practicing with a fury that would impress Beethoven (if he were alive(which he isn't, because of lead poisoning)). Cruel irony that I hate what I'm good at, and like what I stink at.
Favorite Manga/Animes (hey, everybody does it): DORAEMONDORAEMONDORAEMONDORAEMONDORAEMONfullmetalalchemistDORAEMONDORAEMON!1
Favorite Music: Too much to list, but off the top of my head, Jay Chou, Kotoko, Mami Kawada, Yuzo Koshiro, FictionJunctionYUUKA, and Hilary Duff (two songs, okay- SUE ME.)
Oh, and by the way, I would kill for a link to this song's MP3.
Goals In Life (listed in no particular order):
1. Actually finish Revolt (highly likely, assuming I'm not run over by a homicidal ice cream-truck driver between now and 2009)
2. Learn to juggle or break dance, whichever comes first (probably the first)
3. Have a Wikipedia page written about me (Done by velocidrome. You can no longer view the page, as I was deemed irrelevant material for the site and was subsequently tagged and removed. Fascists.)
4. Getting a Dark Arund (I've already given up on this one eons ago).
5. Having a bacterium/fungus named in my honor (In the year 2078, there was a great plague known as the Scourge of Kal Ancalas that wiped out 99 percent of the human population...okay that sounds so frickin' cool right now)
Oh yeah, and getting into a good college, finding a partner for life, and having a fruitful and meaningful life. Almost forgot to add those to the list.
Will (not) add more later.
-Kal
NEW: AUTHOR STATS! (Last updated May 20, 2008)
Hey. This part of my profile is for people who want to check up on the progress of my stories, or want to see whether I've been hit by a car or not recently. Like 99 percent of all the authors on this site, this section will likely gradually fall into disuse within a couple of weeks and be left to burn in the fires of fiction purgatory, so make use of this while you can.
There are currently 101 people who think my writing is actually worth something besides mole feces. Of these, roughly half are because of my MapleStory epic, Revolt of the Archers, half are because of my Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series (an inane series of one-shots dedicated to video-game characters and potty humor), and some are for stories I've written two-three years ago and have long since deleted. There's also the occasional wacko who has no one on his/her favorites list except me, which both flatters and scares me at the same time.
There are currently 52 people who are stalking my stories. Again, most (if not all) of these are rabid Revolties.
I have currently seen fit to bestow 110 pieces of wisdom upon the community of FanFiction . Net. Most of these comments have been ignored. I only truly review things that I admire or have deep respect for, such as The Lone Crusader, written by Master and Chief and Arbiter, and if you don't review that story, I will take a rabid blind mole rat and shove it up parts of your body that you might find incommodious (by the way, that's a good word to know for all you SAT freaks out there).
Kal Ancalas Productions has currently kidnapped 601783 words from the English language (YAY, I BROKE THE 600K BARRIER- SECOND IMPROMPTU CELEBRATION MOMENT) and forced them to rearrange themselves in positions that might be visually appealing to a mass audience (this statement may be taken in any way you wish.) Of these, approximately 445,744 were used to write the story Revolt of the Archers. This figure does not include anything written prior to March 2005.
An average of 24,071 words have been used to create each of my literary opuses. In actuality, most of my stories are 1,000-5,000 words long, but Revolt's staggering word count sort of screws that figure over. You'll notice this is the first time this number has been decreased in a while.
7,907 people (not including you- ha) have been unfortunate enough to click the little blue hyperlink at the top of Revolt of the Archers (or for any of my stories, but this is the chief offender) that reads 'Kal Ancalas' and are now reading this. Next week, I'll likely add your clicks to this count.
13 people have voted in the latest bad poll I've managed to put out of my horrible mind.
Works in Progress (again, this, too, may be subjected to periods of inactivity, so please don't PM me with stuff like '0MG j00 sad u were g0na upd4t3 th15 t00 d4yz ag0 j00 f4g l0l' (bad h4x0r, but there's only so much FF will let me do with their symbol filtering) because that tends to piss me off, and I don't write well when I'm pissed off. You do the math here (actually, there is no real math involved, unless you'd like to apply an algorithm to see if there are any subliminal messages hidden in this long line of random text.)
Chapter 25's done.
Right now, I'm doing everything I can in my power to avoid writing Chapter 26. My current project is a not-so-short short story titled Ephemeral, currently about 60 percent done. It'll be posted soon, and trust me, it'll be worth it.
--
Revolt of the Archers Countdown Clock: I was inspired to do this on the suggestion of a friend.
There are currently 4 chapters and 1 epilogue until Revolt of the Archers will be finished.
The last ten chapters of Revolt are listed below. You can try to guess the ending from the chapter titles if you have nothing else to do with your life.
Chapter 20: Impact Reality (complete)
Chapter 21: Of Dragon's Light and Phoenix's Flame (complete)
Chapter 22: A Mother's Love (complete, title changed at last minute)
Chapter 23: Trials by Regret (complete)
Chapter 24: Princess of Hell (complete, title changed at last minute (again))
Chapter 25: Consanguine (yes)
Chapter 26: Revenge of the Fomorii (hell no)
Chapter 27: And The Clock Struck Twelve (what do you think?)
Chapter 28: Absolution (noooo)
Chapter 29: Lightbringer's End (ye- no)
Epilogue: Dragon Child (EVERYBODYHAST3HS3XORZOMGLOL!1111!- I mean, no)
If you hate being told to copy-paste stuff in your profile, copy-paste this into your profile.
"I ate the DO NOT EAT packet in my pepperoni. Am I going to die?"
"Well, everyone's going to die eventually."
"Everyone?...Oh my god, what have I DONE!"
-Rob DenBleyker, Cyanide and Happiness
"What a stupid quest! Bah!"
"What happened?"
"What happened? Hah! I expected heroic deeds, money, fame, hot chicks, and instead the trainer wants five rat tails!"
"Don't worry! As you level up, you'll become a lot more involved with the lore and storyline!"
"Oh, that's cool then! So what's your quest for level 20?"
"I need to find five wolf tails."
-Gianna Masetti, THE NOOB
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