SVU!:

Munch: Miss Webber was told to disrobe, put her feet up in stirrups, and try to picture
David Hasselhoff on Baywatch.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Your honor, this witness is not qualified to testify on the treatment for hysteria.
Munch: Actually, sir, I am. Up until 1952, hysteria was one of the most commonly
diagnosed illnesses among women. The medical treatment was hysterical peroxism.
Court Reporter: Could the witness spell that?
Munch: O-R-G-A-S-M
ADA and Def. attourney at the same time: OBJECTION!

Elliot: I didn't tell you about the detail because I knew you'd refuse.
Olivia: Only the rat-squad puts cops on other cops, Elliot, without telling them. I deserve better than that. Especially from you.
Elliot: (he pauses) You've been under a lot of stress lately...
Olivia: I've always backed your play.
Elliot: And I did what I had to do. The guy's murdered four people, what's to stop him from coming after you, Olivia?
Olivia: If you can't trust your partner, Elliot, it's time to get a new one.

Olivia: Do people have sex in bed anymore?!

Alex: A woman can say anything she wants to about your performance in the bedroom and you aren't actually allowed to kill her.

Alex: For future reference, if your client intimidates the informant in any way I will have his bail revoked and his ass thrown in Rikers for the duration of the trial.
Zappatta: You can't threaten me, bitch.
Alex: I just did.

Olivia: (looking through a photo album) They look so happy.
Elliot: If the container could not possibly hold the item in question you are prohibited from examining it.
Olivia: This is last New Year's. Do any marriages last?
Elliot: I don't know, but the warrant only covers jewelry.
Olivia: God, you've been married for 17 years, haven't you?
Elliot: Stop.
Olivia: Sorry.
Elliot: No, stop looking. (finds jewelry in cigar box) Try smoking this