Here's a little diddy I just wrote for all you brilliant people (I hope it illustrates my love):

There's a vicious-bitch-beast cat in my lap by Laura-Jane

Catnip is weed for cats, but

Holy shit, this thing is going to eat me.

Or slaughter/decimate me.

I don't want to die.

So I'll type reaaaal sly.

Until she looses interest

And eats her food that is dry

Songs are

Sort of hard to write

And rhyme hurts

THERE. We've established a wonderful connection. I've bared my soul in song and you've ventured to my webprofile. There is lurve in the circuts.

I love to know things about other authors and it always irks me when they put other things instead of their bios in this happy, happy place. I like pretending this is a geekie facebook. I'm addicted to facebook-I'm a bit of a whore for it. Actually, I'm sure I'm riddled with all kinds of facebook-stds.

And then god said, let there be a name:

Laura-Jane. Sort of. Sometimes it's LJ, but only when gangster signs are involved. At some point, I was called Sir Thomas Patrick the 3rd, but I don't know why. Apparently, I thought it was hilarious as did my clan, but it only serves to remind me of my 7th grade boy-cut. Lajaha is also a preferable nickname. Who doesn't love to sound Indian when they're clearly anglo-saxan? I like mild curry just as much as the next person.

Places are stupendous:

In the far, hot, muggy reaches of the south. It's like one huge steaming pile of humidity and church-dom. Once, I went to New York... And there were huge, towering buildings and hordes of rude people and one girl who dropped her pants in front of me to pee. At one point in my life, I thought that all this hoopla about the north and south being so different was crap squared. Now, I'm not so sure. A land without sweettea? What is this blasphemy? Raspberry tea is sweet enough yes, but too tart for my tastes.

Be careful Nestea...I just might stage another boston tea party...only I'm going to dress up like a 31st century tu-tu clad robot and toss your idiot teabags into a lake. And then all the little animals and bears and salmon will have to suffer with your tartness!

I go to a college where I'm outnumbered by deer 8:1. It's private, out of the way, old and expensive as ass. Sometimes, it smells like cow poop. But there are castles. And green, vindictive ghosts.

Le Aggggggge:

‘G's look so strange in bold.

I'm 19, recently. It's not-so-great. It's the same as being 18, only more bothersome.

Sexxxxxxxxxx:

I'm convinced that there are no male yaoi writers on fanfic.net (except for that one guy who writes about Naruto getting pregnant and violated by Sasuke a lot), so I find this part of the bio irrelevant.

But I'm female as female can be. I love me some high-heels and skirts. And perfume. AHHH AROMAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS.

Crap, see? By this time in the bio, I become bored with my mundaneness and am persuaded to snap my laptop together and twitter off to other things.

I write slow. I'm sorrrrry! In fact, this short, crappy bio has been brewing on my computer for three days (edit: 3 months now). I think my problem is my incy attention span. I write a couple of paragraphs and then the bathroom invites all sorts of shenanigans to be had and I have to go venture forth and bam. I'm gone.

I want to be an author one of these days. Now that I'm a sort/of/half/an/adult, I feel like maybe I should be writing some serious crap. It only survives a couple of paragraphs before I turn them into fanfics. Really, that only happened once.

INTERMEZZZZZZZO

Um.

I'd be happy to read any stories you guys have written--! I love reading things-makes me feel elated and happy I can translate symbols into ideas in my head. Yay literate!

Now I'm beginning to feel vain. This is tooo much me-ness! I hope you don't mind if I spill a little more Laura-Jane goop on the keyboard.

I like everything really...Mostly deserts-but really the Egyptian kind (with the fat, rolling red sand mmm) , none of this dry, dirty nonsense. And all my friends who've gone off to their far-off fairy-tale colleges and left me to the town of crapness. Music is nice with Orchestras.

I don't really enjoy arrogance, especially in the form of authors. It's not so much in the field of professionals as it is in the land of frolicking whatever-ers. I was a 13 year old fanfic-player once-don't be hatin' on them younglings. They're learning. Their grammar might be poop, but offer to help fix it after pointing it out. Everyone inhaled profusely at some point.

Also, I can' stand it when poor Anime-crazed individuals feel that they need to be their favorite character in the realms of reality and so they insist on acting incredibly dumb and incompetent and cutesy because it's what makes "-inserthardtopronouncejapanesename-chan" so incredibly cute and likeable.

NO.

There is a monstrous difference between reality and Japanese cartoons. Don't further the idea that girls must be subservient to reel in suitors. I understand it'd be great to be just like "dontmakemerewriteiallagain-chan", but chances are if you find yourself writing incredibly bad dark poetry and just generally being angsty, you're probably not like that character. Yuck, just some animes know how to make women into mindless slabs of meat. I don't think meek, obedient women are attractive at all. I'm not going to make you a goddamn lunchbox, bitch must be crazy. You got hands, you stupid penis, go fix it yourself. Most the cutesy female leads in animes are disgustingly offensive to woman -kind. They're annnnnnoying. Teach them to be a bitch.

Also, cute is an offensive term to women (and even to men), but don't make me pull out my feminist packages. Cute is for furry, small, incompetent animals that are dependent on human beings for food and their welfare and just generally being alive (COWSSSSSSSSS). It is not appropriate for a fully functioning adult.

Haha, this bitty rant is not posed at anyone in particular. I went to my first convention and everyone seemed to be like this and it drove me absolutely mad.

But I love everyone! I do! Now I have to do the poetry homework I was supposed to do five weeks ago. Horay!