So much work, so little time...

From the desk of Doctor Kaminari:
Welcome to my bio! Mind all the plot bunnies as you walk in.
Best wishes,
The Doctor - Bringing you the unexpected since 2004!

About Me:

I am neither a doctor, nor am I lightning. I have, however, been described as a bottomless pit of energy.

Name: No one knows... Scholars maintain it was lost hundreds of years ago.

Age: Sure, I look and sound like a 17 year old male, but...wait... Crap.

Nationality: The land of sushi, pikachu, and cool technology. If you say any other country than Japan, I will hunt you down and perform the infamous Joker-pencil trick on you. But instead of a pencil, I'll use a blunt spoon, superglue and a sledgehammer. You work it out.

Where I live: I rotate homes regularly to avoid the authorities. However, if you really must know, I spend most of my time in England...

Books I like: All Eoin Colfer books (Artemis Fowl!), Darren Shan books, A Series of Unfortunate Events, the Inheritance Cycle (Brisingr is here! ...still haven't read it), Lord of the Rings, Watchmen, a whole bunch of other stuff I've forgotten...

Movies I like: The Dark Knight!!, Batman Begins, the Prestige, Anchorman, the Lord of the Rings films, the Bourne trilogy, Casino Royale, Shawshank Redemption, Hot Fuzz, and many more...

TV Shows I like: Doctor Who! (it's back soonish!), House (incredible première!), Heroes (pretty good première!), Spooks (or MI-5 in America), Scrubs, Torchwood, Top Gear, the Simpsons, Family Guy...

Stuff I like: Tennis, squash, books, movies, TV, tasty food, a good night's sleep, but most of all: reviews!!

Stuff I don't like: Most vegetables (one word: onions), doing work (exams! ...f-ck), uncomfortable shoes, the dark, practicing my violin...

Recent Comments:

I'm afraid that I have to put my studies first, so updates for my AF story is currently on hold (not like it hasn't been for the last few weeks). Sorry!

I've made an account on FictionPress: http://www.fictionpress.com/u/498849/ I haven't actually done anything yet though, so there's not much point visiting... However, I have a couple of things planned once I'm done with my current fics, which may be never. Watch this space!

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push copy this into your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your first and/or last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent that hasn't, put this in your bio.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breath. Copy this into your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your arse off.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rock-paper-scissors solves everything, put this in your profile!

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

~ Drifter Phenomenon is here! ~

Stories:

Artemis Fowl and the Drifter Phenomenon (On hiatus) - Book 2 of my Fallen Acorn Trilogy, and is shaping up to be quite an exciting story - if all goes well, the revelation should come as quite a shock. Takes place several weeks after TTP, and also contains some spoilers for AoT. My eternal thanks and appreciation to Vivian Verbose, my wonderful beta! R&R-ing will be much appreciated.

Artemis Fowl and the Ark of Triumph - (Complete!) Book 1 of my Fallen Acorn Trilogy. Basically, this takes place between books 5 and 6, and so contains spoilers for TLC. For a full summary, check out the first chapter! Oh, and please R&R!
I can honestly say that the sequel is exponentially better than this one, though, and I haven't finished writing it yet!

Consequences - (On hiatus) Post TTP, this is based around Artemis and Holly's thoughts. This my first songfic, so please be nice! The third and final part will be written and added when I can find the time, of which I currently have none.

Fartemit Owl - (On hiatus) I've begun, albeit tentatively, to look over this again. I might replace some chapters, making them longer, and then start getting some new stuff in. One day, I will finish this story... Don't give up on me yet, chain-link-fence!

Kurda Smahlt, The Vampire Prince - (On hiatus) The next chapter's about the Vampire Fort and Steve's fight with Gannen. I'm starting to drift off from Kurda, so I'll try and bring it back into line when I finally update... Unfortunately, since I've pretty much lost interest in this series, the prospects of this story aren't looking good...

Always Growing Back - (Complete!) My very first fic, and to be honest, it isn't very good. It's about Cormac Limbs and how he came to be, and I quite liked it at the time, although it was very short, and reaction for it was timid. Anyway, I think KSVP is probably a much better Darren Shan fic (although incomplete), so head over there if you're interested.

Stories in Planning (for those who can get past the utter ridiculousness of me putting this up):

Exceptional - An AF/House crossover. No more details will be revealed, as I'm pretty excited about this one.
- Planned release date: N/A

Quotes:

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (Who watches the watchmen?)- Juvenal, Satires, VI, 347

The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown.
The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "save us!"...
And I'll look down and whisper, "no".
- Rorschach

Happy Harry the bartender: Ruh. Ror. Ror. Rorschach! Har, har, how ya doin' fella?
Rorschach: I'm fine, Happy Harry. Yourself?
Happy Harry: Fine! I'm fuh, I'm fine! And I'm, and I'm, and I'm glad you're fine too! And uh, and uh... Oh god. Please don't kill anybody.

Dr. Malcom Long: Hello, Rorschach. How are you today?
Rorshach: In prison. Yourself?

Nite Owl II: What's happened to America? What's happened to the American dream?
The Comedian: It came true. You're lookin' at it.

- Watchmen (the film was pretty awesome)

Why So Serious?

How about a magic trick? (slams a pencil into the table) ... I'll make this pencil disappear! (slams thug's head into pencil) Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.

I'm like a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it, you know? I just... do things!

I believe... that whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger.

Let's put a smile on that face!

You know, madness is a lot like gravity. All you need is a little push...

Let's wind the clock back a year. A year ago, these cops and lawyers wouldn't have dared to cross any of you... I mean, what happened? Did your balls just drop off? Hmm?

This city deserves a better class of criminal... And I'm gonna give it to 'em!

There's no going back. You've changed things... Forever.

Y'see to them, you're just a freak... Like me!

Joker: You won't kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because... you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
Joker: Maybe we could share one!

Gordon: Where is he? (referring to Dent)
Joker: What's the time?
Gordon: What does time matter?
Joker: Depending on the time, he may be in one spot, or in several.

You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"... even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because "it's all part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor will die... (voice rises hysterically) THEN EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS!

- The Joker, The Dark Knight

If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written.

I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

Believe me, he is not here. If he were, there would be a lot of screaming.

- Artemis Fowl II

Right, enough talk. I think it's time Mister Vassikin was introduced to my friend, Mister Fist.

Sirens. We need to get out of this area, Artemis, before I'm forced to cause an international incident.

- Butler

Hey, Mulch, if you listen really hard you can just about make out the sound of nobody giving a hoot.

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

- Captain Holly Short

(to Artemis) No. This is not the commander. This is Foaly, the centaur. Is this the kidnapping lowlife human?

I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.

A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?

- Foaly the Centaur

(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!

Looks like the gang's all here. And guess what. I don't like gangs.

- Julius Root

Everybody lies.

Hope is for sissies.

Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly - always! We can live with dignity - we can't die with it.

Like I always say, there's no "I" in "team". There is a "me", though, if you jumble it up.

Cameron: Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients.
Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors?
House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.

Cameron: Men should grow up.
House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen.

No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate.

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!

Chase: How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
House: I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life.

Cuddy: Dr. House! We need you here.
House: Sorry, lotta sick people. I might catch something.

You know how they say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important.

Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?

What makes a guy start drooling? Chase, were you wearing your short shorts?

House: We're going to cure her.
Cameron: We're going to cure death?
House: (like a mad scientist) Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! (normal voice) Doubt it.

When guys have brain/crotch problems, it's usually the result of using one too much and the other too little.

Cameron: His wife arranged it for an anniversary present. And if you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage.
(Everyone looks stunned.)
House: Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.

Did you know that relative to its size, the barnacle has the largest penis of any animal?

Wilson: Can this wait five minutes?
House: Is she dying?
Wilson: Yes.
House: Before the end of this consult?
Wilson: They could build monuments to your self-centeredness.

Gotta go—building full of sick people. If I can hurry, maybe I can avoid them.

House: He did however get hit with a bullet. Just mentioning.
Cameron: He was shot?
House: No, somebody threw it at him.

Cameron: Foreman is black.
House: What?! How long have you been sitting on this information?

Rodney Foreman: My son says you're a manipulative bastard.
House: It's just a pet name. I call him "Dr. Bling".

Cuddy: Pay attention to me!
House: Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you.

Wilson: Your real fear is me having a good relationship
House: Yes, it keeps me up at night. That and the Loch Ness Monster, global warming, evolution, other fictional concepts.

Foreman: You hide drugs in a lupus textbook?
House: It's never lupus.

- Dr. Gregory House, House (he throws down some mad wisdom, yo)

The Doctor: I've been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don't you see? All we've got is each other.
The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?

The Master: Laser screwdriver. Who'd have sonic?

Martha: You step on a butterfly, you change the human race.
The Doctor: Then don't step on any butterflies. What do you have against butterflies?

The Doctor: (showing psychic paper) I'm Sir Doctor of Tardis and this is my companion Martha Jones.
Shakespeare: Interesting, that bit of paper. It's blank.

The Face of Boe: Doctor—
The Doctor: Yeah, hold on. Not now.
The Face of Boe: I give you my last.
The Doctor: Hame, look after him! Don't you go dying on me, you big Face.

The Doctor: This is my Timey-Wimey detector. Goes ding when there's stuff. Also, it can boil an egg at thirty paces. Whether you want it to or not, actually. I've learned to away from hens. It's not pretty when they blow.

The Doctor: Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark. But they're wrong. 'Cause it's not irrational. It's Vashta Nerada.
Donna: What's Vashta Nerada?
The Doctor: It's what's in the dark. It's what's always in the dark.

- The Doctor, Doctor Who

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

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