NOTE TO ALL OF MY READERS!! No, I am not dead. I am currently holding a job and writing my novels and that keeps me busy. But I have not abandoned you! Have faith in me and I will write!

Bio:

I am a writer and a thespian. I love sci-fi and fantasy, and I really love humor. I do not approve of slash, in a serious context (parody context, maybe). And though I will not completely discard a good story because of it, I don't approve of swearing and cursing, especially if "God" or "Jesus" or anything pertaining to Them are in the same sentence (THAT'S just plain offensive). I tend to be shamefully conservative, and quite proud of it. I am also known as an author of the infamous "Yuffieroth" pairing. And I openly admit it. MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

My trademark? I have a tendency to put my favorite heroes, villains, and pseudo-villains in humorously humiliating situations. The list of victims so far is as follows: Ardeth Bey, Magus, Sephiroth, Cloud Strife, and Hojo.

Quit picking on Sephiroth, Magus, Kuja, Samwise Gamgee, Cloud Strife, Frog/Glenn, Hojo, Seifer Almasy, Nick, Monroe, Sylar, and Squall Leonhart/Leon! THEY'RE NOT GAY! (Looks around) Um, heh heh, sorry had a moment of defensiveness there. Gosh, this list is getting long.

And, contrary to popular belief, I do not consume drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or anything of the sort...except caffeine...and echinacea...put together. Ahem...

Oh, and one more thing. I...HATE...AVATAR.

Regarding my stories:

Currently, my finished stories are:

1) "The effects of plane riding on a CERTAIN Medjai"; a one-shot parody
2) "A Kind Word"; A Magus/Lucca fic
3) "Popular" a one-shot parody songfic featuring Sephiroth and Kefka
4) "Yes, we have no more arrows today"; a one-shot parody of one of the final scenes in the movie "300".
5) "Ah, that Christmas spirit"; a one-shot comedy featuring the FF7 characters going a-caroling.
6) "No two Gerrys"; a parody "what-if" vignette featuring three movie characters who look nothing alike and yet are all played by Gerard Butler meeting in a dentistry.

"Up a Treehouse" My Yuffieroth is going to take a little longer. I am currently working on it.
"Human Monster" I doubt I will continue it. If you are curious as to what happens next to the characters, read "Up a Treehouse." Their fates are alluded to there. "Up a Treehouse" and "Human Monster" are set in the same universe and are connected to each other.

As regards to my favorite stories, the story "Traitor" is on the list because it has the distinction of being the first Yuffieroth I ever read on this site. However, I feel it is my duty to warn you that it is very dark, twisted, and dismal. But it's good if you like that sort of thing.

Favorite pairings:

Chrono Trigger:
1) Magus/Lucca - Magus is the ultimate VG character, and Lucca just seems right for him, for some, strange reason...
2) Schala/Glenn - Why not?

Final Fantasy VI:
1) Terra/Edgar- He's the best looking guy, likes Terra, and he's a KING. Need I say more, besides the fact that Edgar is my favorite VG hero?
2) Celes/Sabin- Ever since I first played this game, I thought these two would be more suitable than Celes/Locke. Just my opinion, which over the course of seventeen years has not changed.
3) Celes/Setzer- I'm not terribly opposed to this pairing either.

Final Fantasy VII:
1) Sephiroth/Yuffie- I know, it's weird. But it could work! I promise! If you're curious as to how I could possibly attempt to pull it off, go read "Up a Treehouse"
2) Hojo/Lucrecia- Sue me. I like this couple, however sick you think the idea is. Vincent/Lucrecia has very little (if any) game support. Besides, I really don't like Vincent, and Hojo's cool! Darn stupid Shinra and Jenova for ruining their lives!
3) Sephiroth/Aerith-The One-Winged Angel and the Cetra...Ill-fated, or meant to be? Either way, I like them, though not as much as the Yuffieroth. You will find that I more often than not (nearly always) favor the Yuffieroth over the Aeriseph. But I like a good Aeriseph, especially the version as depicted by Sulphurya.
4) Cloud/Tifa- Because they're right for each other. Aerith only liked Cloud because he took on some of Zack's characteristics, I think. And Tifa stuck with Cloud even when he was in his poisoned, retarded state in the middle of the game. That's true love, man.
5) Rufus/Tifa- Buuuut, if Cloud ain't around, the brat prince of Shinra can always cheer Miss Lockheart up. Again, I refer to Sulphurya's stories.
6) Zach/Aerith - A nice little tragic romance. They are certainly better suited than Cloud/Aerith.

The Phantom of the Opera:
1) Erik/Christine: Naturally...
2) Raoul/Meg: All right, the fop can have his happily ever after too...
3) Erik/Meg: Hey, if not Christine,the guy's gotta have somebody.

Final Fantasy VIII:
1) Squall/Rinoa: Come on, people, are there really two fictional people more suited for each other than these two? This couple makes the "fairytale Final Fantasy" worth playing.
2) Seifer/Quistis: I know; it's reaching. But the fics I've read with these two as a couple are very good. They balance each other out.
3) Selphie/Irvine: You gotta love the cuteness!

Final Fantasy IX:
1) Kuja/Garnet(Dagger): Why do I like this pairing? Maybe it's my dislike for Zidane. Maybe it's my wuv for silver-haired loonies. Maybe I just like it. Who knows? But alas, there aren't that many around. In fact, I could probably count them on my hand. Dang.
2) Beatrix/Steiner: Come on, people, the love letter sequence is probably one of the funniest things ever to happen in a video game. Those who've played it know what I'm talking about. How can you not like this pairing after that? And don't say it was "sudden." You can see these two together from the very start. It's obvious.

Heroes:
1) Sylar/Claire- SYLAIRE FOREVER! It's destiny!
2) Matt/Janice- Sorry, Daphne, but I like the first one better.
3) Sylar/Elle- I really only like this one in AUs where Sylar is still a Petrelli. They were cute for a while.
4) Peter/Emma- They deserve each other, in a good way.

Pairings I despise:

Any and everything slash, yaoi, shounen-ai, incest, etc. Now that I've said that, here's the other pairings.

Chrono Trigger:
1) Frog(Glenn)/Lucca- I'm far too loyal to Magus/Lucca to bend otherwise.
2) Crono/Lucca- same principle as #1.

Final Fantasy VI:
1) Locke/Terra- It wouldn't work, people, it just wouldn't work. Locke/Celes stretches as it is, and it's canon. Locke's just too unstable in character, and Terra is too fragile. Besides, he's a bum.

Final Fantasy VII:
1) Vincent/Lucrecia- besides having no true basis in the game, it's a pairing that makes me ill, considering that I'm a fan of Hojo. And to those that think that Sephiroth is Vincent's son: one, play the game. Two, that just makes it all the more sick that Vincent aids in killing Sephiroth in the end.
2) Sephiroth/Tifa- these two are not emotionally compatible. They don't mesh.
3) Cloud/Aeris- if there is a superior pairing in a Cleris story that I favor (like Yuffieroth or Rufus/Tifa, for example), I'll read it for that other pairing, but otherwise, I steer away from these.
4) Red XIII/Anyone that is not of his race- Bestiality was never my cup of tea.

Final Fantasy VIII:
1) Squall/Quistis- No, no, no. They both have too many emotional issues to be dealt with. And in the game, Quistis resolves her feelings for Squall as mere sisterly affection, and there you have it.
2) Rinoa/Seifer- Seifer is too brutish (not brutal, but brutish) for someone sprightly like Rinoa.

Heroes:
1) Peter/Claire- He's her UNCLE. Not to mention an idiot. Peter, that is. Claire's just immature.

Favorite Quotes (from my own fics):

“I am battling visions of taking you by the remnants of your hair and hurling you into the void.” --Magus in "A Kind Word"

"This is no ordinary feather duster! It's a...a...mythril feather duster! It's worse than the Ultima Weapon! It'll tear you to shreds!" --Yuffie in "Up a Treehouse"

"...You are a very strange little person."
"Look who's talking, Mr. Big-shot-I'm-immortal-you're-only-a-flea-next-to-my-greatness!"
"I'm strange in a intelligent and strategic manner. You are just strange." --Sephiroth and Yuffie in "Up a Treehouse"

"Hojo had long known the power of his glare. He used it sparingly, because his trademark grimace was enough to give him the reputation of having a perpetual bad mood. He had actually practiced the glare in front of the mirror several times, perfecting it to the spotless piece of unspeakable horror that it was to this day. On one hand, he was glad he hadn’t lost his touch. On the other hand, waiting for an answer from Sephiroth was becoming tiresome." --from "Up a Treehouse"

"Okay, okay! Sorry! I didn't mean to pry. I tend to get a little pushy sometimes; I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. I'll buy you a drink."
"I don't drink."
"Aren't you the scientific wonder? Surely you drink something." --Rosem and Hojo in "Human Monster"

Favorite Quotes (from other fics; authors' names are in bold print. Y'all should be grateful; this is free advertising (snicker).):

"This is a tool worthy of me!" --Magus in "The Masadoom and Company" by hyperdrive (in reference to a magical plunger called the Masadoom)

"They…well…they didn't take it very well. My dad fainted and my mom, after getting over her shock, ordered me out of the house. So, I-"
"Wait a minute," Magus interrupted her, apparently confused by something. "Your father fainted? And your mother was the one that ordered you out of the house. Isn't that just a little…backward?" --Magus and Lucca in "It Takes Two to Tango" by Zipis1

"He's not pining! He's passed away! This Chocobo is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! He is stiff! Bereft of life, he's stone dead! If you hadn't tied his eyelids back, he'd be pushing up the daisies! His metabolic processes are now history! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bloody invisible choir! THIS IS AN EX-CHOCOBO!" --Sephiroth in "The Dead Chocobo Sketch" by Warren Griffiths

"Magus stood on the bridge, staring. And staring. And staring. What he was staring at he didn't know, but for the time he had spent staring at it, it had better be pretty d-ed interesting. He looked at the new scythe he had recently gotten. He wondered how it had fit in a treasure chest that was about a third of its size. Ah, well… Enough questioning the laws of physics." --from "Why Staring Contests Are A Bad Idea" (Deleted story, but it's such a great quote!)

"SEPHIROTH IS FINALLY DEAD! YAAAAAY! BRING OUT THE CHAMPAGNE AND BOOOOOOOOOZZZEEE! Yes! In your face psycho dude! Still, he scared me a LOT. Shudder. He liked his hair too much; he’d frigging call his hair ‘my precious’ and purr when he brushed it! I know, I saw! ……Okay it’s not my fault I was spying….so what if he was in a hot spring….unclothed….with peeping Yuffie hiding behind a few rocks…" --Yuffie in "The Ramblings of Yuffie" by Kadaj

“What makes you think, what makes you even entertain the whim, that you could ever play music with any skill?” --Erik/The Phantom in "Blinding" by Dream Descends

"Where were you!"
"Huh? Uh… Coffee break."
"Wha-WHAT!"
"My coffee break… you know….take ten? Mid morning break, a hiatus…its against the labor laws not to give those in your service at least one small break."
"You’re kidding…"
"No… good grief, Valentine. I can’t be evil ALL the time! I need my TLC too, ya know!"
"You’re not even real!"
"Not real! NOT REAL! OF COURSE I’m real! I am that which haunts you in your mind, spawns your nightmares, plagues your life! ...But jeez, I need a break sometimes!" --Vincent Valentine and Chaos in "Coffee Break" by Mako Red Eyes

“Laney! Take a look at that! Tell me if I’m really seeing what I think I’m seeing!”
“Well, off the top of my head, I’d say it’s Sephiroth running naked through the park, pursued by something like...fifty, sixty insane girls.”
“Okay, so I am seeing what I think I’m seeing. C’mon; let’s go get more ice cream.”
“Yaay!” --Reno and Elena in "Sephiroth Takes a Bath" by Rhianwen

“If you go ANYWHERE, I shall use all of my non-fatal powers to torment you until you’re driven as insane as a rabid Chihuahua!” --Sephiroth "Stuck With You" by Yumesuta

"Metal...Microwave...Boom." --Rude in "Rude's Bad Hair Day" by Cueball

"Am I an uncle or an aunt?" --Rufus Shinra in "Where The Lost Ones Go" by Sulphurya

"Magic is not real, but what you will learn is very real. In time you will develop the power and the knowledge to move entire mountains and cause steams to turn into rivers in the blink of an eye. You will learn to master the elements themselves."
“How do we do that?”
“Walk around the room three times in a clockwise direction.”-- Spekkio and Marle in"Chrono Trigger: The Sands of Time" by Gibson18

:“Change up and eat your breakfast.”
“But...”
”No.”
“Don’t I…”
”No.”
“…get any say in this?”
“No.” --Sephiroth and Yuffie in "The General's Jester" by mr-fable

"You’re such a sweet boy, Sephiroth. Yes, I would like something for Mother’s Day. How about burning another village?"
"If that’s what you want, of course, Mother, but don’t I do that every day? This is your special day-why don’t you ask for something special?"
"All right. Ah-ha!"
"An idea?"
"Creamed tea."
Sephiroth blinked, "Creamed tea?"
"Yes, creamed tea. Heavenly stuff. I haven’t had it in centuries."Jenova and Sephiroth in "Happy Mother's Day, Jenova" by esotaria

"Now what...?" He thought, and wondered vaguely if he could walk, "ShinRa is in ruins... Sephiroth is going to destroy the world... and my best suit is ruined...snap." --Rufus Shinra in "The Brat Prince" by Sulphurya

"What came next, he mused, studying the horrified look on the Chocobo Head's face. Ah yes. Smirk. Evil smirk. Evil smirks were one of Sephiroth's greatest and most obsessively perfected forms of silent communication. Others included the Inscrutable Look, The Glare (there was more than one. In fact, there was a whole catalogue), the Schadenfreude Look of Amusement and The Silent Promise of Thumbscrews. He was particularly good at that one." from "Why Waist Length" by Silver Pard

"I know things haven't been easy for you since things aren't 8-bit anymore. But--hehehe--I'm sure ICP is looking for a new
band member. Hahahaaaa!"
"Hehehe! Better an ICP member...than an emo...with an OEPIPUS COMPLEX!"
Sephiroth and Kefka in YouTube video "Kefka vs. Sephiroth" by VileChylde

"Sigh...It's good to be the clown." Kefka in YouTube video "Kefka vs. Sephiroth" by VileChylde