My name is DragonMaster. Due to my lack of certain stories, I have to change my intro up a bit. My main focus on stories will be Naruto and Harry Potter, though I do have hopes of one day getting my Ranma1/2, Love Hina, Tenchi Muyo and Rosario+Vampire stories to work out properly. As it is though, my Naruto stories take up much of my time. Please look past my rants but before the laws of anime section for my newly issued challenge, it will be highlighted in bold letters so you can find it easy.

I am a male

Age...Hnn...

Blonde hair

eyecolor depends on mood

Race - White

Likes - Godzilla, Anime, Manga, Swordsmanship, Martial Arts and Certain types of Music.

Dislikes - Ignorance, Arrogance, Cruelty, Unwaranted Stupidity, Racism and generally any stuck up pricks out there who think they are better than others due to skin color or any other reason.

Hobbies - Writing, Reading, Sword Training, Kendo, Video Games...occassionally.

Dreams for the Future - Never really had any. Just take life as it goes I suppose.

Ships I sail...

Naruto

Naruto/Sakura, Naruto/Ino, Naruto/Tenten, Naruto/Hinata, Naruto/Temari or Naruto/Harem

Other girls I can tolorate...Kin, Tayuya, Anko, Ayame, Fem-Kyuubi, Fem-Haku, Kurenai, Yugito and Shizune

Rant time!

I have a strong disliking of Sasuke Uchiha. My reasons are mainly his attitude, I knew a person in real life a lot like him...only caring for themselves and didn't give a crap about others even when they cared for them. I also can't stand the sheer amount of Sasuke/Sakura stories out there. That stopped being cannon by the time Shippuuden came around, and even before then it was doubtful that anything would have happened. Besides...it's fun to pick on the bastard considering how powerful they made him in Shippuuden. Naruto really got the short end of the stick in that part of the series as far as power and skills go...they also could have matured him up a bit more all things considered.

I also dislike the large amount of Sakura bashers out there. I mean yeah it is fun to bash her pre-time skip character since she was essentially a bitch. But c'mon, they showed good character development for her in Shippuuden, hell they practically make the Naruto/Sakura pair cannon in that part. She even admits that while she does still care for the Uchiha she isn't in love with him anymore...she even readily attacks him to protect Naruto. So in my opinion she has re-deemed her character. When it boils down to it and a person writes a story they need to consider the character psycology, otherwise the character will have bland personalities. They also need to consider how certain characters will react in different situations given the presence of Alternate Universe stories or Cross-Overs. If different elements are added, characters will act differently...it happens in real life and common sense dictates that it would happen in stories.

Naruto...what can I say, he is an awesome character with potential that could surpass anyone before him if he ever got trained properly. I personally believe that while personality wise he will always be a bit of a knucklehead but as time passes he become a bit of a bad-ass as well. Not to mention that in both anime and manga he is a tactical genius on the battle field. Though why and when the manga started revolving more around Sasuke and his sudden omni-potence is beyond me and a real rip off. Oh well...that is what fanfiction is for!

Rant #2...

I have also noticed a severe number of people out there that dislike the Naruto/Hinata pairing...honestly I don't understand why. If anything she is more cannon than even Sakura is and is deffinately one of the most likeable characters in the crap that had become cannon. Personally it's my absolute favorite pairing next to Fem-Haku.

Another thing I have noticed is that some people automatically think that the pairing or pairings is what makes the story. That's a truck load of bull hit. A good story can be done with any pairing just as bashing can be done in those stories so long as it doesn't take over the story and more or less turns said story into the authors personal ramblings.

The only pairings I dislike are Yaoi and Yuri...sadly FF.net is horribly over-run with it to the point that it's disgusting. The only other things I find nearly as bad is the amount of stories out there with self-insertions and poorly done OC's. I mean if these people want to have fantasies about living in their favorite anime, game, manga...ect, that is fine...but try to keep such fantasies to yourselves. I'm not trying to be mean or anything it just stories with authors putting themselves into them are usually quite poorly done and usually either have the self insert become a god of said world or take over the main characters role

As you might be able to tell, this is a rather random rant and that is mainly due to the fact that there are so many things out there that have grown increasingly annoying in the past few years. So I'll get to the last two things that irk me greatly.

Authors that let their reviewers write their stories for them by making needless polls each or every other chapter or try to change every aspect of their story to please everyone. Sorry to say this...but not goin to happen. There is no possible way to please everyone out there and for some it is impossible. I can understand a poll here and there to help lend inspiration or taking some constructive critisism to heart but when you let the readers decide what is going to happen in every new chapter it brings most of us to think that some of you out there are seriously lacking in the imagination department. I'm not saying that all of these stories are bad, far from it...I've come across a couple that are quite good. But the simple fact remains...you are the AUTHOR, therefore you are GOD of the story you make, it's your choice, your view and your imagination and hard work that you put into it...no one elses, to ask for that kind of help cheapens what the author was originally trying to do. Even more simply put...reviewers are there to let the author know that their story is being appreciated and occassionally offer a bit of advice if something like grammer or paragraph spacing needs improvement, they are by NO means the author of the story and should NEVER have a say in what happens. It's your stories people, your own proud and hard work...don't let others choose how you do things and for gods sakes, either ignore flames or report them if you can, especially the cruel and vindictive ones. The greatest punishment you can dish out to a jacka flamer is to ignore them, keep writing...showing them they cannot beat you down and above all else...enjoy yourself.

My final bit of rant is for those out there that blindly follow cannon. While it isn't so bad to do so since cannon storylines can give one a good overview of what they plan on doing, for gods sakes don't follow it completely. The whole reason for Fanfictions is to take an existing plotline and improve it to a way you think would be interesting and/or fun for others to read. Some of us also use it as a way to vent our frustraitions with the world and for others it's a hobby...for me it's both. But just because something happens in cannon doesn't mean every damn writer out there has to add it to their stories as well. I know it's hard to be original sometimes, believe me I know that all to well, but if you have to use a commonly used pre-existing situation...change things up a bit, envision how you would make it happen. Some might complain about lack of originality or cliche's but hey, that's there problem, so long as it doesn't follow cannon like a priest does the bible then it's all good.

I know with all the stories done out there and all the fanfictions, especially in Ranma, Harry Potter and Naruto that coming up with new, fresh and original ideas is difficult but it's not impossible. Though I will easily admit that the most glaring thing is in the Naruto fanfictions of giving Naruto overly powered Bloodline Limits and have him gain power far to easily or have him beat enemies without trying. I myself am guilty about making my characters near Omni-potent but I also strive to put challenging situations and enemies before them so it evens out. Bloodline Limits are a hard thing to determine, I'm not completely against them...except the Sharingan...which is little better than a thiefs eye, but I don't mind using them in my own stories either or creating new ones. The only real peeve I have is when a character, like Naruto, becomes totally dependant on their bloodline limit and uses it in every battle no matter what...that's making him damn near like Sasuke who never works for his power but is either giving it or steals it.

Author's rant for stories in general...

If there is one thing I hate more than anything as a fanfiction writer it is flames and needless cruelty. I see it happen to a lot of good authors just because someone out there has to be a insensitive prick. It's even happened to me a couple of times and I don't consider myself to be one of the best writers out there. I would like to think that I am decent enough to give an entertaining story but there are others much better then myself. As such I hate it when I get flamed or someone else gets flamed by a person who hasn't even attempted to write a story. They need to try to write a good story first before busting someone else's chops for something petty. Sadly there is little I can do.

One of my stories that is under heavy critisism at the moment is called Naruto- Shippuuden Extreme. Part of the reason is because it has a lot of cliche's in it that have been used by other authors in their stories. My intention had been to take all these cliche's and try to breathe some new life into them and hopefully make a really good story since most of the cliche's come from unfinished or abandoned stories.

But one of the biggest irks I have about flames is the fact that a person chooses to be needlessly cruel to another person who is just trying to provide a good story, FREE OF CHARGE, to the viewers of this site. It's like I place in my first chapter Authors notes...you don't like the story...don't read it. If you have a problem, keep it to yourself unless you are going to offer constructive critisism...otherwise bugger off.

As for over used cliche's...who cares if they are used to much, sometimes it is hard to come up with something new when a good amount of the really good ideas are already used. So long as the author tries to change things up and put some new life into the old ideas then who cares. If you want to be technical, fanfiction itself is cliche. It takes other well known works made by famous authors or actors and changes them to fit the fanfiction writers own personal perspectives. As such...it is so widely done that it has become cliche. But that doesn't mean it has to stop, sometimes the fanfiction writers make the story better than the original ever could be. This is frequently seen in the Harry Potter stories...frankly I thought the last two books sucked. But that is my modest opinion and I mean no harm or insult to those who like the series or how it ended. I certainly wouldn't write J.K.R. and rip into her because I don't like how she did something, that would be wrong. It is her story and she did it the way she wanted to.

End rant...for now...lol

Harry Potter

Harry/Hermione, Harry/Tonks, Harry/Hermione/Ginny or Harry/Harem

Danny Phantom

Danny/Samantha, Danny/Sam/Ember

Tenchi Muyo OVA

Tenchi/Ryoko/Ayeka/Sasame-Tsunami/Washu/Noike/Mihoshi

C'mon...I mean in GXP Seina Yamada marries all the girls he's with plus four others so why can't Tenchi get all the girls. I doubt he'd actually pick between them anyways.

Harry Potter

AU - Goblet of Fire Challenge

It has come to my surprise that while there are frequently harem or multi-ship stories out there, many have distinct problems. Here is a list of those problems...

Most good harem based stories are rarely ever finished

Hermione is almost always a traitor to Harry or not an important part of the harem

Ginny is occassionally a traitor or the key peice to the harem

Other females like Tonks, Susan, Daphne, the Patil twins, Fluer and/or Luna are usually ignored

Females like Bellatrix or Narcissa, while interesting choices, are rarely added with an original reasoning. Most of the time they are under an Imperious curse or potion. There are other means to have these ladies added but no one tries to think of them.

Life Debpts work, but few people think to use them.

Sirius Black either plays no role in the story or has died somehow and left everything to Harry, along with his family title, yet it's never exploered.

In a harem, Harry more often than not, is spineless and answers to all the girls whims...or he's boarderline a dictaitor with a brood of slaves.

No one tries to show Harry as an Alpha Male in a harem setting.

The whole slave thing could work for some of the females but is pointless when stories have Harry lording over girls like some kind of pimp.

Almost no one has ever explored the idea of Harry gaining a backbone earlier or secretly training himself and unlocking his powers.

More often than not, Harry's powers are boosted cannon powers, few people explore things like Psionics or Elemental Arts.

Harry is rarely ever given the personality setting that war is war and he should do whatever is needed to protect his loved ones, including getting guns and magically enhancing them so he has a fall back option should someone or thing find a way to bind his magic. Swords are another thing that work good but are rarely used.

Death Eaters are almost always portrayed as moronic screw ups or nearly unstoppable warriors.

The whole Horcrux thing...a good idea but all such ideas do have loop holes.

The Deathly Hallow's are also good ideas but no one ever really looks beyond cannon for their use.

We writers have our imagination and talent for writing for a reason...yet few seem to use it in favor of trying to stick to cannon.

In short, only a couple of authors out there are doing original and well thought out stories, especially within the Fourth Year area. Here's my challenge.

1 - Unkown to his friends and due to the Dursley's abuses, Harry has been training himself since a young age and has been hiding certain aspects of his personality from people. Meaning that his true personality is Independent! Grey! Intelligent! and Poweful!

2 - Durring the Death Eater attack at the Quittich World Cup, Harry has something happen to him by either seeing muggles being tortured or by cruciatus that something inside of him snaps. He retaliates and in the process shows fighting skills and abilities no one knew he had, he also kills at least one Death Eater in the process.

3 - The Dursley's must die before the beginning of Fourth Year so Harry can take up the mantle of Lord Potter of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Potter. He must also have legitimate blood ties to the four Founders and through them, Merlin Emmrys, which is discovered at Gringott's via a Bloodline test for the Potter Will verification.

4 - Harry must be an Imancipated minor and Fifteen years of age at least.

5 - Harry must have the Potter family signet ring along with the rings for Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff...Slytherin is optional.

6 - Harry has to be rich but keep his modest attitude.

7 - Two of Harry's quickly discovered specialties must be Wandless casting, Silent casting or double casting

8 - Harry has to eventually have a custom wand made.

9 - Harry's hidden powers must start coming out durring fourth year. They can be a single or combination of the following. Psionic/Mental Arts, Elemental Arts, Runic Arts, Seal Arts, Dark aka Combat Arts, Chakra Arts and/or Energy/Matter manipulation arts.

10 - Unknown to all but a select few, example, Poppy Pomfrey, Harry hides his true form under a subtle but extremly advanced glamor charm. This keeps people from seeing various scars from his abuse as a child and muscle gained from training.

11 - Harry must be proficient in Martial Arts, your choice as to how he has learned them or how many he is proficient or mastered in.

12 - Harry's personality should be the basic good guy/reluctant hero/dark hero.

13 - As part of the request left in his parents will and his duty as Lord Potter, Harry has to take no less than six wives. Hermione MUST be in the Harem. Here is a list of acceptable girls/women...Nymphadora Tonks, Luna Lovegood, Susan Bones, Lavender Brown, Daphne Greengrass, Tracy Davis, Pansy Parkinson, Ginny Weasley, Parvati Patil, Padma Patil, Hestia Jones, Narcissa Black-Malfoy, Bellatrix Black-Lestrange, Hannah Abbot, Su Li, Cho Chang, Katie Bell, Alecia Spinnette, Angelina Johnson, Fluer Delacour, Gabrielle Delacour, Astoria Greengrass or a OC you made for the story.

14 - With all those ladies, I am sure you can find which ones you want best but personal preferences aside from Hermione, I'd like to see the Patil twins and Delacour sisters mixed in or perhaps bonded to Harry in some way.

15 - Lemon scenes are to the writers descresion but smut is not the purpose of this story, I want to see a good and believable story with actual romantic elements and under no condition should the girls suddenly just decide to jump Harry and make him theirs. Ease into the romances and give the girls time to grow with not only Harry but each other.

16 - Harry MUST be the ONLY Hogwart's Champion...no arguements. Try to follow cannon on this but put your own twists on it.

17 - Character bashing is accepted. I leave it to you writers as to what rolls Ron, the Weasley's and Dumbledore play...good or evil...it makes no difference to me. Snape and Malfoy though...they shouldn't be changed or become good, bash away on them but for gods sake don't try to reform them.

18 - This story should cover all the remaining years. Use cannon events but twist them to give them some originality, like the three tasks. Take your times with the story and plot out the story in advance. I will offer advice if need be, but as I am writing my own version of this challenge, I can't beta.

19 - Harry must discover at least Four Animagus forms, non-magical or magical...no mix. If magical, he can gain extra abilities from them such as aura's or physical attributes and senses.

In closing, I want to see a story in which Harry kicks ass, takes names and gets a good amount of the love he so richly deserves. Deathly Hallows are allowed in this and so are Hocruxes, but the later must be a minor part. Voldemort cannot be a pushover but must have a challenge every time he fights Harry. If any of you want a good idea of the Harry I want to see then read Harry Potter and the Summer of Changes by Lorddwar, it's one of the best stories I've seen yet. Old Crow is another good person to look for in getting Harry's persona right along with Perfect Lionheart and Paladeus. Also, this challenge was partially inspired by The Ball Roles by Zaara the Black, also a good author.

So, if any of you want to take this challenge, please send me a Private Message as I would greatly enjoy reading your story, keep an eye out for my version if any of you are interested. As said before, I will offer ideas, advice and thoughts to anyone who wants it, just send me a PM. I look forward to reading your future stories!

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original
intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that
explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope
that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good
chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
b) The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
b) A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, Carrot, and Naruto
couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
b) Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

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