May the Kazzjaff be with you! Kazzjaff is our God, the creator of all things. Kazzjaff has shown me the light and I have had a decent taste of said light. Give Kazzjaff your praise!

KAZZJAFF!!

LEARN A BIT MORE ABOUT ME!:

Location: 2075 N. Main Street... Layton, Utah 84041... It's the last building in Layton before you hit Clearfield, it's along the same stretch of road as Clearfield High School and really only two blocks away. It's closest to exit 700 So. On I-85.

(Is that too DETAILED for you MOM!! Ha! I don't live with my MOM!! any more so she can quit worrying about strange internet people! Nobody cares enough to come find me and if they do I'm not worried, because strange internet people are AWESOME!)

Temperature: Nice

What I Look Like: Well there's a very blurry crappy picture I use as my avatar, it's pretty much like that.

IP Address: 38958723q954695897

Mothers Maiden Name: Nice

Account Number used in my Bank Account: 38450603928945-06043892905-0769482050-23819850y89382q0593871058378540487285

Password I use for everything I do: ThisIsNotReallyMyPassword25

99 percent of people copy and paste stupid statements into their profile talking about how they aren't like 99 percent of people. If you're one of the 1 percent that doesn't copy and paste stupid statements into your profile then copy and paste this statement in your profile.

If you realize that the last statement was hypocritical, you're not like 99 percent of people, and should copy and paste this into your profile (even if it doesn't make any sense).

If you know that there's no way ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried pot, because the fact is more than 2 percent of people get good grades, put this in your profile.

If your face has been called ninety-nine percent by a woman before, put this in your profile!

I'm Joeb, I have a jacket that says I can debate, and I approve of this message (or masage, whatever you want).

(Hey Rick!)

(Yes Bob?)

(We're back!)

(I don't even remember if those are our real names anyway)

(Who cares about names, when you're alive!)

(Who cares about us anyway? We're an old deleted profile!)

(Don't be such a worry-wart!)

(Whatever the hell that means, let's just get on with this)

So we were starting to write silly and stuff, that's mostly because the anarcho-liberal party member in Joebs brain had assumed control and you know how those things get. Oh dear god... (here is where I attempt to shudder and fail miserably due to the lack of asterisks or however you spell that whatever shift and 8 and it doesn't work and the end)

Anyway, this is a new and improved profile that tries to link to the old, dead sexy profile. The other profiles attempted living sexyness, and you know how that turns out.

(Hear that Rick!)

(Yeah Bob! No more whining!)

Actually... no... part of the rich cultural heritage of being a Joeb is that you whine and complain alot. But at least it won't be shoved down the throats of others! Ok yes it will... ah fuck it FUCK YOU!

TOP TEN TOP TEN LISTS! (given along with what are in those top ten lists)

10. FAVORITE BANDS!

10. The Used (Say what you say and I'll say what I say and we'll leave it but come back to the issue tomorrow to scream at each other and screaming is the essence of love)
9. Sum 41 (I doubt you even have something bad to say about them... but if you do... go make out with some wallpaper and don't bug me about it)
8. Reel Big Fish (I'm over my period of not being pleased with them, which is good because they have several insane happy-filled songs about how much they hate things!)
7. Genesis (I swore to myself I'd never like an 80s band... which is fine becuase they were in the 70s too... but all the songs I like are either 80s or early 90s...)
6. Psybot (Newgrounds Audio music dude... not really a band but YOU DON'T CARE! Besides... when has techno ever been a bad thing?)
5. Modest Mouse (They're almost as weird as some of the crap Adult Swim can't stop making... and at the same time they're entertaining! That takes talent!)
4. Snow Patrol (It makes you feel good about yourself and stands by you when you feel good about yourself but then insults your hair and drags you down... or doesn't)
3. Bedroom Philosopher (Dude, if you know about this person and you hate him then YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN DAYS seriously... coolest Australian guy ever)
2. Mad Caddies (I have no idea who or where or why or when they come from but I found it on limewire and I can't get enough. I think they have a new CD out even...)
1. ICP (Music for when you'd rather listen to rap but are getting sick of the same stereotype and want something involving clowns)

9. FAVORITE TV SHOWS!

10. Scrubs (fun show and it's gained popularity pretty fast. I've seen just about every episode and don't mind watching them all over again)
9. MythBusters (They do crazy stuff and blow things up and at the end of the day they're nerds with mustaches and how sexy is that!?)
8. The Loop (Show on Fox I have no clue how long it's been going but it involves crazy old people and makes fun of all kinds of people... awsome (canceled?))
7. Dillbert (I've never been in an office and I have no clue how rich CEO people are but it doesn't matter. Dillbert's there for me... he comforts me...)
6. Boondocks (Dude... stereotypes are funny! I thought this show would bore me as much as the comic... but there's too much crazy people screaming for that)
5. Drawn Together (They brought all the kinds of cartoons and screwed them to the point where my brain twitched... I'm in love...)
4. Robot Chicken (Random skits that have nothing to do with anything... why would anyone like this!? Simple. Because it's insulting)
3. Sarah Silverman Program (She could have said Sarah Silverman Show and had a cool little alliteration going on but she said PROGRAM cause she's a rebel!)
2. Strangers with Candy (Older than 40... can't even read... and concerned only with how the rich popular kids treat her... there's a message in there and it's awsome)
1. South Park (Dude... the episodes get deeper, more involved, and just plain funnier with each season... like... wow... they're preachy AND funny...)

8. FAVORITE MOVIES!

10. Office Space (OK, I'm gonna need you to think of your own line to put in here. Umm. Yeah, I'm also gonna need you to come in on Saturday, that would be great)
9. Live Free or Die Hard (Very new and very popular. Not quite the political message I was looking for but close enough. I love when he shoots through himself to get the bad guy!)
8. Office Killer (One of those jacked up horror movies you're never going to forget. The character is so lonely, and she ends up so freaking crazy. Sad...)
7. Coming to America (A king moves to America to find love... rather than someone who just wants money. Sounds pretty serious, but a king working at McDonnalds is just funny)
6. Fire Down Under (Hot damn it's a stereotypical action flick with a stereotypical message and stereotypical leather jackets! But it's done in the south!)
5. Shawn of the Dead (Who can honestly say that they don't like to see people dancing around a zombie listening to music and bashing him over the head with pool sticks?)
4. Dr. Strangelove (We watched this in my history class, to show us concerns of Cold War America. It's all done like a black comedy, which is the best kind of comedy)
3. Happiness (I was bored and googled the word. This is a NC-17 completely disgusting awkward moment. The entire movie is one long awkward moment. You'll like the psychiatrist, I guarantee it)
2. Toys (Robin Williams and a bunch of plastic objects OH MY! Anyway its a military takeover of a toy factory... however that works out... and surprisingly, it works out)
1. Love Object (The movie is too beautiful to put into one line, and I don't want to give too much away anyway... it's got AMAZING plot twists and it all comes together perfectly)

7. FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES!

10. Little Big Planet (Puppets running around, popping in the style I always envisioned Kirby popping, and slapping each other with thumbnails is my idea of a good time...)
9. Smackdown vs Raw 2009 (Creating your own characters is so much fun! Check some youtube vids out and watch Ronald McDonnald go head to head against the Green Power Ranger)
8. Europa Universalis 3 (Control THE WORLD... or as much of it as you can physically possibly explore by 1800, it's cool because it's realistic, and at the same time, you can break history)
7. Lionheart (Best RPG Ever? Maybe not but still... plus it's set in an alternate reality of history, meaning you meet actual historical people and kill them with magic!)
6. Hellgate London (Best RPG Ever? Maybe not, because just about every game these days has RPG elements, it's first person shooter/RPG and you go to hell... multiple times... for the lulz!)
5. Final Fantasy Tactics A2 (I swore to God I would never in my life think about enjoying a Final Fantasy game... the story is retarded... I... hate... this... universe... AND I LOVE THIS GAME!?)
4. Fire Emblem Rekka No Ken (Because putting in random Jappanese is (supposedly) always a plus? Anyway it's first American release of the game and the storyline is so bad I heart it to this day)
3. Galactic Civilizations 2 (This is a game that plays a lot like Civilization, but it's in space, has much more interesting people you can meet and destroy, and some of the technologies are hilarious!)
2. Victoria (In the victorian era, when Britain was the superpower and USA was the whiney little bitch. I play Austria, invade Italy, help the OE destroy Egypt, and then work together against Russia)
1. Mount and Blade (Best RPG EVAR! The fighting is simple and intuitive, the world is epic and doesn't tie you down with a linnear story, and the mods... GOD YES THE MODS!)

6. FAVORITE WEBCOMICS!

10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5. Dilbert
4. VG Cats
3. xkcd
2. Perry Bible Fellowship
1. Cyanide and Happiness

5. FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDS!

10. Spitting Image - 80s House Price Slump
9. Shoes
8. Love Letters
7. Lazy Town Lil' Jon Remix
6. Ignorance is Bliss
5. Bananaphone
4. Wild Wacky Action Bike
3. I Want It All
2. What Would Wolves Do?
1. Duck Tales Alternate Opening

4. FAVORITE BOOKS!

10.
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5.
4.
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2.
1.

3. FAVORITE NON-VIDEO GAMES!

10.
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1. Werewolf (Forum Game)

2. FAVORITE QUOTES!

10.
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1. "When you're calling someone a fruit you're calling them tasty!" - Joeb

1. FAVORITE HOBBIES!

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A rant about me work that isn't much of a rant and more of a statement of woah...

So my manager grabbed my arm, twisted it, and bashed my head into a wall. It was during those hours (he was doing this for hours straight) when I realized that life was worth living.

My life is changed!

Later that night he tried to beat me to death with the walk-in freezer door, which had been convieniently cloaked as a piece of lettuce. During this time I realized people were worth trusting.

I've fallen deeply in love with him. So what if he beats me down every time I try to hug him? I know that deep inside, he's got feelings for me as well.

(I vomited after saying that)

EWWW!!

Anyway... gay jokes are thrown around constantly at my work... and yes the manager does bash people's heads into walls. Sometimes the gay jokes get into the fries, and that's when the manager has to get tough with whoever lost the gay joke in those fries. We can't have people turning gay because of a fast food resteraunt now can we?

I've also learned several things about cooking chili: First, don't chop up your neighbors and put them in with the chili meat, the customers will notice and possibly slap you on the wrist. The rest of the things I learned just left me so oh well...

We listen to music late at night when nobody is coming... and we close... and that music holds the deeper meaning to life... or at least some other kind of Fallout Boy song along those lines... lots of that kind of music... it's very insperational when you're scrubbing blood off of the walls, it reminds you of why you fell in love with the world in the first place, and why the cops arrested you after you showed your love for the world in very interesting ways in the middle of New York City.

I work in New York City by the way... I live in Utah... so it's a long commute time... but it's worth it with all the blood and opportunities to get your head bashed into a wall!

Oh, and the thing about spitting in people's food is totally true. This one chick I work with spits in her own food constantly... it's like she's turned on by spit. I at least thought that, until I tried to seduce her buy drooling all over her hair in the middle of work. She started vomiting and I figured that it just wasn't right.

Unfortunately she vomited right into the chili. The customers don't notice that as much as the dead bodies, but it can still affect business.

Oh, did I mention that chili actually has taken me to my happy place? As in, I was eating it and BAM I was in my happy place. Unfortunately I was still on the clock so by the time I made it back to work I got fired because I had come back to work over seventy bajillion hours late. The Earth had already been destroyed even! Imagine that! The Earth destroyed and I missed it all because I was in my happy place!

Stupid chili.

Anyway... you aren't reading this because the people who have me on their favorites list have mostly all vanished and never even knew I had stopped writing for a while. Seriously... you aren't reading this... it's a dream...

I've been thinking about serious fanfiction for a while involving Ness and Mewtwo (no not that... ugh)... we'll see how that turns out when it turns out.

I consider us all a part of fanfiction. This means it is our duty to write stories that attract people to the site. The more people we can interest the more popularity the site gets! If I can get some random web-surfer dude to come and start hanging out on fanfiction then I've done my duty.

Recently I've lost my usefulness because nobody reviews, meaning the 8 hits to the chapter were most likely two by me and six by someone who popped in and hated it. Oh well, back to the drawing board, I'm just going to have to build back up then.

Don't take me wrong, I don't write just for the reviews. I write for the fun of it, but I don't think it's fun if there's nobody to share it with!

Alright... enough niceness...

I have a new job, where I do new things, i have two jobs technically, and college, so I have plenty of free time to do fun weird things.

I'd also like to give advice to people who are in Jr. High... they call it Jr. High for a reason, you are supposed to get high while still a junior, because they can't punish you as harshly for it... so seriously, get high while it's still a logical option.

This profile is a work in progress...