Name : The Dark Lord Mudblood

Gender : Female

Age : Over 1, Less than 100.

Place of Origin : Planet Earth

Favorite Fandoms : Harry Potter and Twilight.

Favorite Harry Potter Character : Harry Potter.

Favorite Color : Green

Hogwarts House(s) in Order : Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor.

Misc.

- Some of my favorite Harry's are : Superpowered Harry, Slytherin Harry, Prankster Harry, and Sarcastic Harry.

- I like Harry in many pairings if they are well written, oddly I'm not a big fan of Harry/Ginny. I like Harry/Luna, and Harry/Hermione, though.

- I like fics where Harry rebels, I don't like him being taken advantage of, and like to see him stick it to those who deserve it, like Manipulative Dumbledore, Grrrr.

Favorite Quotes :

Dumbledore stood up and silenced the hysterical crowd with an invisible aura of i’mdaman.

- Series of Screw Ups to Destroy HG

“Oh, Harry!” she sobbed. “I can hold it within me no longer for I am about to burst like a smoldering volcano in Hawaii, or the one that destroyed Pompeii! You pickled green eyes are too gorgeous to resist! Won’t you become a gothic emo poser with me and wear all black and eyeliner and go to concerts as my boyfriend?”

“Er-”

She looked up at him with teary, glaring eyes. “I am confessing my utter and undying love here, bolt head! Don’t you dare interrupt me! I will be the matriarch of our future family and we will have twenty-three and a half children! We will be soul mates and-”

- Series of Screw Ups to Destroy HG

A week later, the Ministry of Magic passed a law forbidding all of the witches or wizards who created clothing from using neon colors, especially neon green. The penalty for disobeying was one week and sixteen seconds in Azkaban.

- Series of Screw Ups to Destroy HG

“And I took points off for all the chaos and mayhem,” Professor McGonagall said from behind them, making them jump. Harry was glad for the distraction as both of his parents were looking like they wanted to start lecturing after the fact.

“I’m chaos, he’s mayhem,” Harry jerked his head at Ron and laughed at his friends outraged splutters. The fingers still curled around his squeezed warmly though, and the delighted giggles from Hermione and Ginny only added to his happiness.

- shedoc

“Voldy? I like it,” Harry chuckled, “Voldy and the Death Eaters. Sounds like a band.”

- shedoc

“Just a Slytherin?” James asked, fighting the urge to deck the immature boy. “You’re at war, you pathetic excuse for a man! That is a little girl! How would you feel if it was your sister, your mother, your girlfriend? She’s a person too, you ignorant maggot. Do you understand nothing of the human mind? Only when you dehumanize a group can you kill them without regret. She’s just a Slytherin! They’re just muggles! He’s just a Jew, they’re just fags, they’re just barbarians, it’s only an entire village of pagans! They’re just heretics!” James bellowed. “I want you to tell me what is wrong with Slytherins!”

- Prodigy, by ChipmonkOnSpeed

A small planter in the corner of the enlarged Headmaster’s office that no one had been paying attention, stood up and turned around to reveal Hermione Granger covered in homemade fake planter camouflage.

“This,” Hermione called out loudly thrusting a finger into the air, “is a job for the DA!”

She threw a small round pellet onto the ground that exploded in a flash of light and thick plumes of smoke.

As the people nearest were coughing from the smoke, and blinking the echo of the flash from their vision, they saw Hermione was no longer present in the office.

Minerva was coughing into her hand and waving the smoke away. “I didn’t even see her there. Did anyone know she was there?”

“I couldn’t see her,” Moody admitted. “My eye got nothin’.”

Albus cast a spell to banish all the excess smoke away and sighed. “Why is it that DA members keep lowering themselves to Mr. Potter’s level of maturity? And none of them seem to have the inverse effect on Harry himself?”

“Because he’s a born leader?” Tonks suggested.

“Because he’s brilliant?” Fred offered.

“Because he’s a lean, mean, Dark Lord vanquishing machine?” George pondered aloud.

Snape hissed in irritation. “Haven’t you ever heard a rhetorical question, you imbeciles?”

“Absolutely,” Fred answered immediately.

“Many times,” George continued.

“I don’t know,” Tonks said scratching her chin. “What do they sound like?”

Snape was livid. “They sound like-”

“That was rhetorical,” George snapped.

“You imbecile,” Fred finished.

Everyone turned towards Tonks, who just shrugged. She finally added, “Motherfu-”

“Thank you, Tonks,” Albus interrupted. “Let’s move on, please.”

- The DA Missions : Agent Furry Fury

Ron stood at the podium and made sure everyone in the DA was looking at him. “Alright now. Who wants cake? And who wants to take their pants off? You can only choose one.”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Harry jumped in and pointed at a member. “Not you Jordan. Your pants are staying right where they are. And the next time Neville asks you a question, what do you do?”

“Answer with words, not actions,” Lee reluctantly replied.

Harry smiled and nodded as he sat back down.

Ron was still standing at the podium and asked, “Has everyone been keeping their wands in their back pockets?” When he saw all nods and heard only murmurs of agreement, he continued. “And has anyone blown a buttock off? Felt an itch? Maybe passed more gas than usual? No? Nothing?”

Ron sighed at the shaking heads and negative responses. “Alright. Just another of their lies and manipulations to control us.”

Colin Creevey looked up from the giant ledger he was writing in. “I’ll put it right before ‘blood purity matters’ and after ‘you have to register your animagus form.’”

- The DA Missions : Agent Furry Fury

“Thank you, Ron,” Harry said taking over the podium. “I think it’s safe assume the culprit, whoever I may be, got his bottom spanked for being naughty. Now, time for today’s learning. Anthony and I are going to teach you all how to hunt, kill, and cook a chicken using only the Unforgivables. Anthony, you get to be the chicken.”

- The DA Missions : Agent Furry Fury

“Chief Counter Intelligence Officer Lovegood,” Harry addressed. “How goes your project?”

“I still have not ascertained a way to make the broom fit sideways,” Luna answered immediately.

“Not that project,” Harry corrected.

“Oh,” Luna realized. “Double Agent Whodat is ready for assignment.”

- The DA Missions : Agent Furry Fury

“I guess I forgot to introduce you. It seems I am bound to forget many things these days. This is my soul-mate, Albus. Love, this man is Albus Dumbledore and the man I am going to kill.”

“Oh, hello,” the man said, waving absently to the headmaster.

- love at first sight by Tiro

“Hmm, I do think Draco expressed an interest of dealing with the bushy-hared girl there,” the Dark Lord said and pointed at Hermione. “What was her name again?”

“Mudblood,” Raven offered.

“Not quite right, love, but close I suppose. Try again.”

“Mudblood,” the man said stubbornly.

“One may wonder how I put up with you,” Voldemort sighed.

- love at first sight by Tiro

“Bingo!” the man said happily and made a small victory-dance. Voldemort snorted. “And the grand prize for that; death, slow death! Be sure to give him that, Bellatrix darling!”

“Absolutely Harry sweetheart,” she said and grinned. They always gave each other nicknames as ‘darling’, ‘sweetie’ and ‘honey’. Well, they were both a bit of nutters.

Voldemort could only roll his eyes.

- love at first sight by Tiro

Voldemort and Harry whipped their heads towards the door. Draco sighed and said:

“You argue like kids.”

“With far better insults,” Harry cut in.

“Doesn’t matter!” the blonde almost shouted. “Man, you two really are a handful!”

“You calling the Dark Lord and the Golden Boy a handful?” Voldemort said. “You wound my heart, little Malfoy.”

“Are you saying we are hard to handle?” Harry said in mock shock. “Draco, that’s mean!”

The blonde stared at the two of them.

“Where there is one, there is the other,” he finally sighed. “You two always protect each other. Two against one is not fair!”

“You’re the one sneaking up on us!” the two said simultaneously.

“Oh Merlin, save us all from the evil lord and his devil son…”

“That wasn’t nice!” they shouted.

- Black Death by Tiro

Bellatrix walked around Harry, looking him over. The teen felt slightly nervous of meeting the woman who was part of his godfather’s death but she did not feel so frightening now. The woman finally stopped, gripped his shoulders and said:

“I don’t know what our lord did to you, but you’re looking definitely much better!”

“I do?” the teen asked, eyebrow raised.

“Aha! Slytherin-style!” she exclaimed, pointing at him. “You were a Slytherin in disguise, weren’t you?”

“Perhaps, considering the hat wanted me in Slytherin at first,” Harry said with a smirk.

The people around him gaped. Voldemort shook his head. Draco grinned. Bellatrix clapped her hands in pure delight.

- Black Death by Tiro

He looked around and saw Bellatrix in her disguise as a young woman with brown hair and brown eyes. The madness in the eyes destroyed the image a bit though. He nodded to her and she grinned, making the eyes shine up even more. It was official; Bellatrix could not play a sane person not matter how much she tried.

- Black Death by Tiro

"Love may be blind, but it's always quiet. And it enjoys a good puzzle every now and then."

- Blind Love

"I think I'm falling in love," She murmered, "It's absolutely terrifying."

- Butterflies and Hurricanes

"But they are subverting the war effort."

"No, I think they are appealing to the people who want nothing to do with it. Getting people to watch out for each other and travel with friends is good sense in these times. That's what they're about. Well that and building an army of penguins with machine guns, but you didn't heart that last part from me."

"Penguins with machine guns? but they have no fingers, how could they pull the trigger?"

"Sadly that is exactly what is holding them back. The training wasn't too hard, but they just can't hold the guns. Once you get past the goofy exterior, they follow the doctrine of 'if it ain't Black and White, Peck, Scratch, and Bite!' quite well."

"They really did brainwash you didn't they?"

"I think I always was this crazy and only just embraced it back in june."

- The Freak Parade

"Would you accept accidental magic as an explanation? It was very stressful when he unmasked himself if you could imagine."

"That's a stretch and you know it. Now why did he appear to be your father?" Luna hugged him from behind. "Harry have you been performing illegal necromantic rituals again?"

"One Time! I did that once and you people never let it go."

"Your stuffed bear was not dead! It just needed some repair. Whatever you did fixed the damage, but now it stares at everyone and scares small children! It's evil now!"

- The Freak Parade

"Even Ginny believes it. Maybe it's her way of compensating for Harry never returning her feelings. If he's now insane, maybe he always was, and that explains everything. Well, to her at least." said Fred, rolling his eyes.

- Biology, by Shivani

"So what's the news from the outside? Voldemort fallen off a cliff yet?"

- Biology, by Shivani

"Okay, now you're abusing sarcasm,"

- The Mage and the Potions Master

Sometimes he got the feeling that Life was pointing at him, doubled over in laughter.

- My Soul's Dearest Wish

“Luna, we aren’t allowed to do magic outside of Hogwarts! We could get in a lot of trouble over this, and I don’t particularly want to get caught!”

“Geez, it’s just a five galleon fine. It’s not like we are going to get hauled before the Wizengamot or anything.”

“WHAT?”

“You only get into trouble if your wizarding guardian thinks it is questionable and asks the DMLE to investigate.”

“I am going to kill Dumbles.”

“That’s the spirit, world peace via genocide! Oh, I just thought of the perfect patterns for our robes.”

- The Freak Parade

He was getting quite good with wandless magic since none of them would allow him out in public with a wand anymore. He had also worked for his Arithmancy Mastery and spent a lot of time creating new spells. Luna was now a Charms Mistress. Lily had a Charms and Potions Mastery. James pulled for transfiguration. They were perhaps the most well rounded and studious group of lunatics the world had ever seen.

- The Freak Parade

There was a mild compulsion charm placed on the doorways leading into the Great Hall that Friday. The strong willed never noticed, but the rest seemed like they were waiting for something. Dumbledore entered the Great Hall halfway through breakfast and walked up the center aisle.

When he was halfway to the head table, Harry stood and shouted, “Hail the Light Lord Dumbles!”

About three quarters of the great hall jumped to their feet and roared, “Hail Ceaser! Long may he reign.”

The compulsion charms and cheering continued every few days until they were no longer needed as everyone jumped and hailed Dumbledore without prompting first thing in the morning. Psychological conditioning and group psychology were wonderful things.

- The Freak Parade

They decided to change things up a bit and tango-ed over to the junk shop. Luna held her wand in her teeth as if it were a rose. Harry was beginning to wish he had known how much fun dancing could be before now. Then again, it may also be that so many people were abjectly afraid of them. Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac, especially when undeserved.

- The Freak Parade

Hermione approached him not long after she left, “Harry, who are your friends? I’ll admit it is an… interesting costume choice, but who did you find to play the parts? I don’t see many of our friends missing aside from Luna.”

“Oh, I recruited them from the Freak Parade for tonight.”

“You brought the people who kidnapped you into a school full of children?”

“Yes, and sometimes if I was good, they chained me to the bed. Oh and she has this whip…”

His mother slapped him, “Hey, we really don’t need to know some things young man.”

“Harry, have you ever heard of something called Stockholm syndrome?” Dumbledore asked as he joined them.

“No, what is it?”

“It is when a kidnap victim or hostage begins to sympathize with his captors and may even begin to agree with them. It is a serious mental illness.”

“Oh, no I don’t think that is a problem here, there are entirely different reasons I love this group of nutjobs.” Everyone but Luna looked mildly offended at being called nutjobs.

- The Freak Parade

Tom would not, could not apologize for killing Harry’s parents – to do so would cheapen their deaths. To apologize, to admit that any of the deaths were a mistake would say that his goal and their sacrifice was a mistake and that was something Tom would not do.

Harry’s parents were heroes, as were all those who’d opposed the Dark Lord and paid for it. They were patriots and if Tom apologized they would no longer have made a noble sacrifice, they would simply become the faceless victims of a madman.

The secret Slytherin in Harry understood and finally relaxed. Tom did regret the lives lost, he was guilty of so much, but he would not be guilty of tainting society’s view of their lost protectors.

Harry had never been so grateful for anything.

- Radix Acclaro

“Indeed, Mr. Potter,” he sighed. “I can only hope that you will come to terms with your fate and realize that this is for the greater good.”

Harry raised an eyebrow.

“The greater good of whom?”

- A Squib Worth

Christmas Break was coming up fast. Ah, the holidays. When his aunt and father and he could all go and commit murder together for large sums of money.

- A Taste of Midnight

Of all the places Harry could have hidden, he hide with the solarly allergic undead and the lunarly challenged!

- A Taste of Midnight

“Someone told me, once, that you get wetter by standing still in the rain, rather than running, moving forward. That's what I'm doing, what I did. I'm running through the rain drops. I'm not quite so wet, not quite so damaged, not quite so broken. And I reach this- the dryness, the comfort, and the heat- all that much sooner.”

- Running Through the Raindrops

Rakhai had his usual cheery expression. He and Dumbledore were having some sort of bizarre Cheer Off. Miya and her General shared a look. Rakhai won, naturally. He had had centuries more practice.

- Contracts in Lust

“ Now, Matthias, you know that all of that ceremony is uncalled for. It’s is good to have you back. It would have been,” He cast a discreet glance at his daughter, “ a catastrophe if you had stayed away much longer.”

- Contracts in Lust

“Severus?”

“Yes, my lord?”

“Get out.”

“Yes, my lord.”

- Contracts in Lust

“Even a little?” she asked looking back over at the gigantic man and snarling at him. Snape shook his head; this was almost like indulging a small child. A small child with homicidal tendencies, that was in itself disturbing.

- the engagement kiss

“What if,” Draco continued unperturbed, “Snape married Lupin to save him from some ridiculous Ministry edict, or something. The Ministry is always looking for new and exciting ways to harass people like Lupin. It's a bleeding hobby for some of them.”

Ron snorted. “Quidditch, basket weaving, oppressing entire races of innocent people.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Let me see if I understand you, Potter: Snape, a world renowned Potions master, a war hero, Order of Merlin and the like, decides he wants a boyfriend and his only option is a shabby werewolf with a patched cardigan and three chocolate bars to his name.”

“Remus is a catch!” Harry insisted.

“Of course, shabby chic is in.” Draco replied with a yawn. “A wonder I didn't see it before.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“All right, Hermione,” Ginny interrupted before Hermione's list made Harry's head burst into flames. “We get the point. I really wonder what you read sometimes.”

“I think it's important to be well-versed on a variety of topics,” Hermione said with a blush reddening her face.

Draco sniggered. “One never knows when one has to deliver an impromptu speech on S & M techniques preferred by werewolves and the Potions masters who beat them.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“If you're grateful you send a note. Some flowers, maybe. A box of chocolate. You don't shag someone,” Harry retorted.

“What about blow jobs?” Draco asked.

“No!”

“Hand jobs?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Remind me never to do you any favors, Potter.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Sure, Snape Manor or something. Can't you just see it -- dark and gothic with pointy spires and stained glass windows. Magnificent, but poorly kept because he can't get to his inheritance since his family disowned him for siding with Dumbledore. He hates returning to it and the memories it holds, but he can't deny his past. And Remus shows up and offers to marry him to save the home of his ancestors.”

“You've been reading those books again, haven't you?,” Hermione cut in. “The ones with the overly handsome wizards with impossibly chiseled chins and huge bulges in their trousers and the witches clutching them for dear life with their robes torn open, exposing huge, bulbous breasts.”

“Yes, actually, I have. Do you want them back?”

Everyone turned to Hermione. “Er…no….that's …hey, what if Snape discovered an all out cure for lycanthropy, but he's making Remus marry him in order to get it.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Why would he do that?” Draco asked

“Because he hates Remus and wants to make him suffer.”

“And what's more painful than tons of wanton sex?”

“Exactly!” Harry beamed with pride.

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Maybe. Maybe not. Might have been a really super secret mission and they hushed the whole thing up.”

Harry quirked his eyebrow. “So, what, they went on a mission together and between dodging hexes they decided they should be shagging.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Okay, I'm stopping you right there!” Hermione jumped in. “I refuse to believe Remus Lupin sang Karaoke.”

“You were there,” Ginny insisted.

“I was?”

“You started it. After two butter beers with a firewhiskey chaser you got up on the table and started singing, 'I Am Woman'.”

“Oh. Right. Carry on, then.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Will you two quit it?” Ron griped. “Can't we just go back to my night of drunken debauchery scenario? It's really the most pleasant.”

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“No, they were forced to spend time together all alone at Grimmauld Place,” someone shouted.

“They were accidentally bonded together in a potions accident,” another offered.

“One inadvertently drank an aphrodisiac.”

“One purposefully drank an aphrodisiac.”

“One had amnesia and the other helped him remember?”

“One obliviated the other to help him forget?”

“They were forced to make peace for the sake of the war.”

“They were quarantined in the infirmary with nothing but Scrabble, a deck of cards, and no will to live.” Someone threw something at Ron.

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

“Headmaster!,” Ron called.

Dumbledore turned to face him.

“Is it possible that they just got very, very drunk?”

Dumbledore twirled the tip of his beard in his long fingers. “Anything is possible, Mr. Weasley.”

“I rest my case,” he said proudly just before he passed out.

- Every Snupin Ever Written, by thetreacletart

I sit forward and allow a bit of my own magic and anger to bleed out. “And why would I give a damn about the Greater Good? What the hell has the Greater Good ever done for me? I was a happy little soldier for you until you decided it was easier to let them send me to Azkaban then to take the heat and standing up for me! I didn’t have evidence of Malfoy’s treachery, but you did! You could have testified and cleared me, you old bastard. Not only did you let them put me near dementors knowing what they did to me, you actually helped them by setting those fu&ing blood wards for them to keep me there!

I give Dumbles a cold smile. “My personal theory is you did it on purpose. You wanted to continue what you had Snape start my Fifth year by ripping down my mental barrier to Tommy by using the Dementors to finish the job. Plus, it put me out of the way for your little hunting expeditions. Well, you old bastard, you got everything you wanted. Deal with it!”

Feeling a bit better, I leant calmly back in my chair. “So don’t talk to me about the Greater Good. Rather, let’s talk about Harry’s Goods.”

- Harry Potter : Mercenary

I pretend to think a bit. “Now, lust I have been working on a lot this last year. Do you think I can challenge Riddle to a contest to see who can pull the most birds on a Friday night in London?” I ask in a cheeky voice. “With that face of his, it won’t be much of a contest.”

- Harry Potter : Mercenary

“That’s good then,” Neville said. “You might want to tune the manic laughter down a bit, though. Dumbledore’s watching you.”

- Serpens Armarum

“Thanks Neville,” Harry said, well aware that he was staring at Neville as if he’d never seen him before. Somehow, Neville had just managed to prove himself a better friend in under two minutes than Rona and Hermione had done in two years

- Serpens Armarum

Black looked at him as if he was crazy. “You don’t act like a teenager with a psychotic mad man trying to kill him,” he said.

Harry shrugged. “You get used to it after a while,” he admitted.

- Serpens Armarum

By the time the portrait swung open, admitting a panicked looking Dumbledore, Sirius Black had fulfilled part of his duties as Harry’s godfather and had taught him how to play poker.

- Serpens Armarum

They were sitting at one of the tables in Gryffindor common room, with Peter Pettigrew’s unconscious body lying on the table neck to them, with a pack of Exploding Snap cards and a pile of the sweets that Neville had brought back from Hogsmeade laying between them. Black was beginning to get a bit irritated by the fact that Harry kept winning, but he said nothing as Harry gained the upper hand.

- Serpens Armarum

“After he changed into a man, Sirius said that he was Pettigrew, so I told him not to kill him yet because if he is Pettigrew then there’s a chance that Black really is innocent after all, but killing him would make Sirius’s defence a bit shaky. Speaking of which, why didn’t he get a trial in the first place? So we waited for you and Sirius taught me how to play poker.”

- Serpens Armarum

It was pretty funny, though, to see the Minister’s expressions change from pompous self-confidence to absolute terror to bewilderment before settling on a cross between the latter two that made him look slightly constipated.

- Serpens Armarum

He’d really hate to have to defend himself in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, especially since his new way of defending himself seemed to involve a lot of death on the behalf of other people.

- Serpens Armarum

He turned Neville’s cup over, flipped to the right page in his text book, and began to try and puzzle a meaning out of the sludgy brown lumps of tea leaves. “Right,” he said after a while. “You have…er, I think that’s a duck, and apparently that doesn’t have a meaning. But you’ve got something that might be the sun and that means happiness, so that’s good. Then again, it could also be a skull, which means a mortal enemy, and that’s not so good.”

Neville sniggered. He raised his hand to muffle the noise and indicated for Harry to continue.

“Um…you have a blob that could be any one of five different things, so I’m not even going to go there. And you’ve got a…a heart? I think that’s a heart. Anyway, that means true love, so I’m going to go with the happy meaning of generic blob number two.”

Neville’s shoulders shook. “Oh good,” he said, smothering his laughter. “I’d hate to have a mortal enemy this early in life.”

- Serpens Armarum

This is a shout out to everyone who has favourited my Story "Free." I'm new to writing fanfiction, and it makes me happy to hear that there are people who liked my story. Thank you all.