Updated: 9th April 2007

Bonjour, tout le monde! Well, whoever's actually bothering to read this, anyway. I mean, seeing as I have no stories posted whatsoever, I put this question to you: What in the name of Bob are you doing here? Although, since you are here, you should have a look at my favourite stories. I have about a gazillion, so you're bound to find something in there you wanna read.

Anyways, about me:

Name: Charlie Bob Horsen III. I would like to be Mrs. Captain Jack Sparrow-Warren Peace-Draco Malfoy (Yeah, right. I bloody wish!) Other common alias' include, Mrs. Very Wealthy, Joycey Woycey .:Shudders:., and just plain ole Joyce. Ick. My friends call me Charlie. I like Charlie. Stick with Charlie. Charlie is good. Chaaaaarlie! "We're going on an adventure, Chaaaarlie! An adventure to Candy Mountain!" Uh... Private joke... Well, you'll get it if you've seen Charlie the Unicorn on YouTube... Haha, good stuff.

Age: 16-going-on-17 Absent-mindedly starts singing 16-Going-On-17 from The Sound of Music...

Sex: I wish. Er, I mean, female.

Location: Most commonly found in the Land of My Strange and Abnormal Mind, but can also be found traversing the vast bright purple landscape that is The Land of Just Plain Weird, where evil bunnies cannot harm you, and the squirrel army's plans for world domination are repeatedly foiled due to the tentative alliance between Pinky and the Brain and The School Canteen's supply of SPORKS.

Transportation: The awesomest, most styliest (yes, it bloody-well is a word) electric wheelchair in my part of the Southern Hemisphere! .:Drum roll:. THE QUANTIM VIBE! .:Makes fake crowd noises:. Thank you! Thank you! I'm here all week! (And just because I'm in a wheelchair doesn't make me short! I'm GRAVITATIONALLY CHALLENGED is all... Geez, people. Get it right...)

Sidekick(s): My equally insane partner in crime, IMAGINARY PEGUIN DUDE JERRY, and my beautiful cat Bobbie! (She's a girl...)

Bragging rights: I can bend my fingers in unimaginable ways, as if the joints are backwards, and sideways, and such. Like, I can bend the top of my pinky finger 90 degrees backwards and the twist it 90 degrees to the right. It can gross out the toughest of tough guys... Go, me! I can make my eyeballs shake from side to side. It looks like they're having seizures... None of which has anything to do with me being in a wheelchair, I'm just totally weird and proud of it. I often say random things just to see the looks people give me... . I can moderately understand, speak, write French, after 3 years of learning it... Now in my 4th... and I'm an incredibly awful cook.

Claims to shame: Hmmm... That's a hard one... Nope! Can't think of anything! Oh, wait! I live in a country run by a man pretending to be a woman. She goes by the name Helen Clark. The country's brilliant! Beautiful! I mean, come on! They filmed Lord of the Rings here, for crying out loud! But as far as I'm concerned, the government is bloody day-care centre for children! Oh, well, at least it ain't run by George "Dubya" Shrub...

Biting my nails (ick, mentally, anyway) over: Whether or not I could create anti-gravity by tying a piece buttered toast to the tummy of a cat... It should work, coz if buttered toast always lands buttered side up, and a cat always lands on it's feet, then they should float in the air unable to land... Right? .:Wanders off to try to find her mother's cat to experiment with:. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...

In 10 years, I would like: To still be able to garner the same intensity of The Look from my peers and teacher when I say I am not crazy, after randomly bursting into song, in the middle of a very silent classroom during a practice history test. .:Grins madly:. It's so nice to be appreciated...

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I feel compelled to thank HealerAriel for the profile structure that I blatently copied, so I wouldn't have to waste my precious few brain cells thinking about how to structure my own bio. I can't help it if I'm lazier than a Snorlax. Thank you.