Scroll down for the comprehensive list of writing do's and do-not's. I've been doing this for a long time, and these are the things I've come up with as a recipe for success.

Sentry has been transferred to a different user's account under the same title and summary.

Notice for fans of Pairing Coworkers, Debt of Favors, and Random Office Life: these stories will be moved to my sister's account over the next few weeks. I will post a link where you can find them. The Mute in Compartment 14 has been removed from this site.

Name: Abria Marie Cesca (There's a familial/religious significance to my pen name)
S/L: F, Canada

I'm a niche writer. If I observe a lack of a certain kind of story, I invent one of my own. It's an interesting hobby; I get to write things that make Percy credible, Bill a not-so-perfect brother, and comedies about Charlie. I'm a tad obsessed with the Weasleys. I think it's a fascinating family dynamic.

I've decided to give literary fan fiction a try, as a means to branch out from my usual comedy writing. I've posted four stories of a literary nature so far: 2B, The Purity of Oath, May I Photograph You? and The Poet on the Back Steps. I hope you enjoy them.

And the category is...

Torturing Charlie Stories: Like a Sailor, Initiation
Bill-centric: May I Photograph You?
Percy-centric: 2B
The Depressing Stuff: The Purity of Oath, The Poet on the Back Steps, Coin Toss, Caregiver
The Abandoned: Biased
My Early Flounderings: Pairing Coworkers, Debt of Favours, Sprinkler System, The Mute in Compartment 14
The Just-For-Fun: Random Office Life

A note on OC's:

1) I know you all hate them. I share your pain.

2) I believe there is a way to do them right. For all of you planning to write an OC here's my theory: OC's must be introduced in a way that is relevant to canon, exist plausibly in a canon setting, and have a role that could have been plausibly omitted from the book(s). There are a large number of unseen actions or lives in the Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl books. Those settings are the perfect stage for OC's, because if the scene wasn't in the books, neither would that character be. And the cardinal rule for OC's: Do not let them change too much of the setting, canon chain of events, or characterization. An OC just can't be given that kind of power or credibility. It completely butchers a story.

Take 'May I Photograph You?' as an example. All of Bill's school career and time in Egypt wasn't in the Harry Potter books, so I could play with it and add a character as I saw fit. The OFC was logically omitted from canon because she wasn't at Hogwarts at the time of the HP books, and wasn't part of the Order. But I couldn't change the fact that Bill did go back to England, did meet Fleur, did marry her, and is very much in love with her. I had to work an OC into those parameters, using the theory above.

3) There's no salvaging the Mary-Sue character. Spare everyone the trouble.

Good writers borrow. Great writers steal.

"At that moment the door burst open, taking out a small first year who had been unfortunate enough to stand in its way." - me, I'll work it into a story someday

Favourite quote: I haven't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work.

I'm a second year university student in northern Ontario. I'm studying psychology, so you may notice a slight psychological flare to my narration.

The Aforementioned Comprehensive List for Writers (of Fanfic or original works)

I don't call myself a fan of any specific 'ships. What I do care about is that a story sounds REAL, not staged or over-dramatized, over-angsted (coined!) or sex-filled by a virgin. Here's a clue to see if your story sounds like any of the above:

1. If you've titled a chapter/story with any of the following words: Confrontations, Revelations, Regrets, Apologies, Altercations, Amends, Discoveries, Moments, Emotions, It's My Life!, Tears, or Healing, you are over-dramatizing and quite possibly over-angsting (coined again!).

2. If you're writing a romance (or star-crossed romance) you should avoid having the characters say "I love you." I'll explain why in a minute. More importantly than not saying it, you should by no means have it said in the rain, on the roof, as a public declaration, through song, through interpretive dance, as a PO admission, or in a sappy note. Here's why: it's much more meaningful to have the characters do loving things than declare ad nauseum that they are in love. Instead of filling pages with poetic affections, have a character make the other a cup of tea after a hard day, or cuddle peacefully. Show that they know the object of their affections enough to give them the support they need. It makes love more real to readers than saying it ever could. And a special note about PO admissions, rain, et al: relationships that begin that way almost never work out. And love is almost never something that comes as a surprise to the party being informed. Love, like a cough, cannot be hid (George Herbert said it).

3. Don't write like it's English class. Scrap the complete sentences. When was the last time you spoke in a complete sentence? Here is the never-fail test for writing dialogue: If you wouldn't say it to a friend (or coworker, teacher, whomever is being spoken to in the story) don't write it. Write it like you would speak it; just make sure you have good grammar.

As a sub-note of that, don't rely on dialogue for blatant exposition. Here's an example of both principles:

"The post man left a letter in the mailbox at the end of the driveway. I got it last time. You go get it this time."

vs.

"Mail's here. Not it."

See? The second one gives the readers some credit.

4. It's called symbolism. Look it up. It gives stories this thing called depth. Look it up. You don't need to point out that it's a symbol. That should follow automatically from your presentation, or (concise) explanation of how/where it came to be. Stating the obvious kills symbolism. Also note, behaviours and quirks can be symbols. PM me if you want me to elaborate further on that. I'd be happy to help.

5. It's called a theme. Look it up. It gives stories unity. Look it up. Theme ties your chapters into one cohesive unit. Try giving each chapter a theme. Then try sustaining a theme for a whole story. Then try a story-wide theme, with chapter-based sub-themes. And no, "love" is not a theme. It has to be a subtype of love (jealous love, friendship love, possessive love, star-crossed love, misfired love, lust/romantic love, hollow love (ie infatuation), true love, parent/child love, sibling love, self-love, et al) or a mixture of a few specific subtypes. Sadness is not a theme either. It's subtypes are: grief, fear, dread, depression (clinical or hormonal), disappointment, self-loathing, loathing, or a mix of several subtypes.

6. Your teachers have lied to you; the Thesaurus is not evil. Those same teachers are just too lazy to teach you how to use it properly. If you own a Thesaurus, go open it now and try substituting each alternative for the word "love" in the following sentence: I love my cat. Do you lust after your cat? Didn't think so.

If you use the electronic Thesaurus (ie, the synonym button in Word) here's a safe way to make sure you're not making a fool of yourself: select a synonym from the list Word provides you. Then ask for a synonym for your new word. See what pops up for it. If your original word is in the new synonym list, it's reasonable to assume they mean the same thing. If not, try again.

7. Write what you know. Never been to Nepal? Don't write about it. Never been white-water rafting? Don't write about it. Or at least have the sense to research it first. I say this mainly to writers who choose to write sex scenes without ever having done it: stick to what you know. It's easy to tell who is a virgin by the content and style of the erotic piece. And to those who have had sex and want to write it, don't shy away from using your own personal stories (funny, intimate or otherwise) for the purpose of fiction. They make for real reading.

As a sub-note of that: real people don't sit around and talk about sex unless they're in high school and confused about it. Those who talk about it don't get it, so avoid having characters sit around and pleasantly, casually discuss their sexual fantasies, experiences, or blunders. The exceptions are: during drinking games, during twenty questions, or under Veritaserum. Asking for sexual advice is a different kettle of fish altogether. People generally talk about sex then, but only to one or two trusted people, usually one at a time, and usually only reveal as much as is necessary. Just the broad strokes, no gory details.

8. I'm going to refer back to number 2 for a minute here: you should avoid having friends tell each other that they are best friends, the best friend ever, etc. If it's real, it should go without being said. Again, use actions, not words (see #2). The most you can credibly do is have a character think such sentiments (but not too often). Think back to how many times you've emphatically told your best pal: "Oh Bob, you're my dearest friend in the whole wide world! Whatever would I do without you by my side?" Exactly; it only works when pot is involved.

9. It's its. Ie: It is its. The apostrophe denotes a contraction, not a possessive, contrary to common English semantic rules. "It's" is therefore a shortening of "it is." "Its" is the way to write a possessive it. For example: the dog has its own bowl.

10. You know how giddy you get when you receive a review, so take a minute after reading to give that feeling to someone else. It's only fair, and it's kind. I believe the movement is now called the Review Revolution. There's even a "copy and paste this into your profile" tag line for it. And if mass marketing has taught us anything, it's that tag lines sell.

11. NEVER, EVER, EVER tell readers it's your first fic. It's the reader's code for "skip this story, it's bound to be bad." Don't tell people, no matter how proud you are to be a newb.

12. I know it's against the natural inclination of a tween, but do not over punctuate. One question mark will do. One exclamation point will suffice. The only difference between:
a) You remembered!
and
b) You remembered!! (insert 20 more)

-is that (b) looks more annoying. Adding punctuation does not make the wording more powerful. In the case of exclamation points, it makes the text louder (figuratively speaking - look it up) and more irritating. Words should be powerful because of their use, placement and inherent force, not because of the punctuation that structures them.

On that note - not every sentence ends with an exclamation point. As important and dramatic as the story may seem to you, it absolutely kills whatever brilliant (maybe) idea lurks therein.

13. Don't reiterate your character's emotions unless it is essential to the plot, or you have to explain a behaviour pattern after a confusing dialogue/action sequence. It's tedious to keep having to read about so-n-so's broken heart, confused little brain, impending doom, or unending horniness. Keep it simple. Keep it short. Keep the reader's attention.

14. You're not Shakespeare. You're not Chaucer. They're dead, and so is Middle English. Don't be flowery; just say what you mean and get on with the story. It will cut down on the reviews you get consisting of only one word: Huh?

15. If you're going to write at 2 in the morning, at least wait until dawn to publish the piece. Sleep on it. Come back to it with fresh eyes and a cup of coffee, so you can see it as the rest of the world will: either great or utter nonsense. Out of respect to your readers, just sit on it for a few hours, ok?

16. If you're going to write slash, keep the perspectives and expectations of traditional masculinity in mind. If you want more detail or explanation on this, or directions on how to do it, contact me and I'll elaborate. Doing so here would make my profile obnoxiously long. I'll direct you to a great forum that lists the specific ways to write credible slash (if the forum still exists...). Here's the best summary I can do: not all homosexual men are flaming. And for femslash: not all lesbians are smokin'/butch.

17. If you're going to write about any sort of sexual attraction (in any rating of story) try to be aware of Kinsey's scale of sexual orientation. Kinsey did extensive research on the subject of human sexuality in the 1950s and developed a system of "scoring" orientation. It's a scale of 0 through 6. 0 represents exclusively heterosexual people. 6 represents exclusively homosexual people. 3, obviously, is equally bisexual people. There are very few people who were either 0 or 6, and most of those have been influenced by parental/communal/religious authorities into shaming one way of behaving/thinking/feeling. My point is: very few people are exclusively gay or straight. Keep that in mind. And don't feel guilty about checking out your same-sex friends every once in a blue moon.

18. Don't fish for reviews when leaving one. That's just bad manners. The exception, of course, is if your story is truly relevant or related to the theme/topic/symbol/ship of the story you're reviewing. But fish tactfully, if you're really that desperate for feedback.

19. Do not, under any circumstances, include emoticons in the text of your story or summary. Also, never insert an A/N in the middle of a paragraph or sentence. It disrupts flow, and diminishes credibility because you had to pause the reader to explain the canonically/logically unexplainable.

20. Use hp-lexicon. It's a marvelous tool. I don't care of Vander Ark is being sued, the site is not evil. It was up long before JK announced her plans to write a lexicon of her own, and frankly, I think it's more efficient and user-friendly than a 40 dollar book.

21. Use a beta-reader. Even the pros have them. They're called editors, agents, publishers and copy editors.

22. No crossovers. They can't be done credibly. On that note, no randomly inserting yourself and/or your friends into the book's universe. That can't be done right either. It's rather painful, actually.

21. Don't tell readers that you're not good at summaries. It tells us that your writing is probably equally bad if you can't summarize it in less than 200 characters.

22. Either put up or shut up. Translation: don't point out other people's spelling, grammar, characterization errors and plot holes if your own stories are riddled with them. It's like being called shorty by a dwarf; both parties look foolish.

23. It isn't necessary to write "he said", "she said," after each bit of dialogue. Not only is unnecessary, it's annoying and assumes that the reader can't follow even the most basic conversation.

24. It is improbable that the following Weasley characters would have red hair: Victoire, Dominique, Louis, Fred Jr., and Roxanne. The gene for red hair is recessive to dark hair and even blond hair. Unless Fleur was a carrier (possible, but not likely) all three of her children would be blond. It's even less likely that Angelina is a carrier of the red hair gene. Since we know nothing about Audrey, it's quite possible that Molly Jr. and Lucy would be redheads. Ginny and Harry are the only ones with a concrete chance of producing red headed kids. Ginny obviously has the gene for red hair, and Harry is a carrier through his mum.

That said, it's a Weasley-ism to have red hair, so adding it to these characters for that effect is quite alright by me. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm just throwing out the information.

Books I like and would recommend: Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, You Are Special, The Compleet Molesworth (yes, that is the correct spelling), Dear Canada series, Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Grimm's Grimmest, The Giver, In the Shadow of the Ark, Iliad, The Mists of Avalon, The Hundred Dresses, The Wild Irish, The Red Tent, The Birth House, Plain Truth, My Sister's Keeper, and the Outlander Series and anything by P.G. Wodehouse and Garrison Keiller.

Been dabbling with "Random Office Life" for fun lately. If you have any suggestions, or things that you'd like to see the characters do/say, drop me a line and I'll see what can be done about it.

About Birthdays is a story I take requests for.

I try to respond to reviews as often as possible, and take requests for a lot of my fics. Share your thoughts and you will be heard!

Q of the Month: Under what circumstances is it culturally acceptable to fling maple syrup?