They call me Orange. It's a long, long story that I might never tell you. My grammar sucks, my spelling sucks, and I'd be a total mess without my super-awesome betas. But my writing is...

Marginal.

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Books: Anything. Everything. Except romance novels. Romance novels blow donkey chunks.

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Obsessions:

Teen Titans: Beastboy/Raven, Cy/Jinx, Robin/Starfire, Raven/Jinx, um... others.

South of Nowhere: I do Spashley. That's pretty much all I care about.

Degrassi: Palex, Crellie, Sellie, uh... Emma/Zombie!Rick/Manny threesome... y'know, add Marco's dad and a random midget . Make it an orgy.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Xander/Anya, Spike/Buffy, Willow/Tara, Faith/Buffy, Willow/Kennedy...

And whatever else I post/review/fave. That oughta cover everything.

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Music: Nevermore, Opeth, the Dillinger Escape Plan, Life of Agony, Tiamat, Lit, Alexisonfire, Fear Factory, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Atreyu, Stabbing Westward, Blue Oyster Cult, Slayer, Black Flag, Boysetsfire, Celldweller, Darkest Hour, Faith No More, Jack Off Jill, KoRn, Inflames, Megadeth, Type O Negative, Walls of Jericho, The Gits, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Carcass, Pearl Jam, the Pixies, Radiohead, Soilwork, Scarling., the Cure, Violent Femmes, the SmashUp, Zebrahead, Lamb of God, the Smashing Pumpkins, KMFDM, Our Lady Peace, The Haunted, Squirrel Nut Zippers, B.B. King (guitar God), Betty Hutton, Bill Monroe, Helmet, Orgy, Brand New, Matchbook Romance, Fifty Fifty, JFA, 7 year Bitch, aberdeen etc...

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'Kay, Kids. The Rant slated for today's update is Turtles: They rock. They're green-ish. Amusing. They can literally close themselves off from the outside world. They love lettuce. Sometimes, in their teen years they become mutants and fight evil ninjas. This particular fact does not seem to extend to tortoises, but most of the others do, although they're slightly less amusing. But really, all things considered, turtles are the shit. What's not to love?

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Yep! You called it!

SHAMELESS PLUGS!

(in no particular order)

CalliopeMused (Teen Titans) - some people are born with ungodly talent. Several of these folks are on this list. I figure I'll kick us off with one of the best. Calli is an amazing, amazing writer. One of the most popular in the Teen Titans fandom and certainly the most talented. Any lingering doubts? Go read anything she's ever written and they'll be crushed to bits. A personal favorite would be the EPIC!!! Dance of the Skeletons.

dr.evil99 (Teen Titans/ BtVS) - one of the finest people I've ever been privileged enough to come to call my friend. Doc is an all around talent. He can do fluff, he can do angst, he can do romance, action, drama. He's done all three at the same time with The Paragon of Animals for the TT fandom and he's setting up to do it again with Suture Up The Future an amazing new piece of fiction centering around the lives of Xander and Faith in Ohio shortly after the fall of Sunnydale. It's absolutely fantastic. Read and you won't be disappointed.

sabbath purr (Degrassi: the Next Generation) - the epitome of everything a Palex writer should be. She's incredibly mature in everything she does - yet there's a softer side to all of her works. The emotions she's able to capture range from invigorating highs to soul-crushing lows. Consumed and its awesome sequel A Lucid Dream are amazing but she really won me over with the amazing oneshot The Color Of Your Soul which seems to showcase all of her talents in a stand-alone work of fiction.

WP (D: TNG) - I'll be honest, here. WP intimidates me like very few people are able to do. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice person. Very amiable. But her writing is so great that it makes keyboard-happy jerks like myself get all goosebump-y and freeze up. She does great with oneshots, as well as ongoing fics. Parenthesis and Get Up are some of her most recent endeavors and very great examples of her skill.

Coffin of Hope (D: TNG) - Coffin rocks. Period. Her absolutely stellar Everything In Transit blows me completely away everytime I read it. She manages to capture sides of the characters that the writers can only dream of. Fluffy, angsty, Palex-y. Awesome. If I could think of something else to say here without sounding like a broken record I'd totally share it with you all but, as many of these people know, I am often struck speechless when presented with amazing work. Go figure.

uname (D: TNG) - an awesome person and one of the coolest reviewers I've ever had. Oh, did I forget to mention her unholy skill with words is apt to make me swoon? Oh. Well, her unholy skill with words is apt to make me swoon. She's done things in her work that I've never seen anyone else pull off. Namely, making Darcy seem human. I swear, for precious brief moments, I felt sympathy for her. But then the fic was over and I went back to general dislike. The oneshot I'm refering to is of course Breathe In Now a post s5-pre s6 piece featuring a brief, but insightful talk between Darcy and Alex. It's incredible. Almost as incredible as With A Little Help From My Friends in which Marco, Hazel and co. team up to reunite Palex after High Fidelity. Hijinks ensue. Warm fluff abounds.

redraisin (D: TNG) - I believe that I'm more likely to die from being struck in the head by pieces of Abraham Lincoln's exhumed corpse and knocked into a vat of molten salt-water taffy than I am to come across a redraisin fic that's anything less than earth-shaking in its intensity and sheer perfection. She has made a grand total of seveb endeavours. Each one evokes more emotion in a few sentences than most people can hope to stir in a lifetime. Dramatic? Yes. But I mean it. Elephants and Shopping Malls is one of the most sugary works of fluff you could ever hope to read but it's not over-done in the least. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning is... I don't even have words. It's hard to try to pick highlights out of everything she's written but when I'm pressed to the wall like this, those are my two. Read them and you can thank me for the "heads up" later.

fyca (D: TNG) - Rounding things out with fyca because it's taken me this long to try and figure out exactly what to say. I still feel like I'm in a bit over my head with this one, but I'll give it a shot. This is the kind of writing that goes straight for the jugular. fyca takes no prisoners and in the end that's exactly the way it should be. Every word in the untitled oneshot No title just yet is like a cinder block to the sternum. Skittles, or 7 Minutes and 42 Seconds is the kind of writing you never see on the show but desperately wish you could. I could go on forever but you wouldn't want to read all that. You're better off experiencing it for yourself.

Lambbaby (Teen Titans) - Lamb is the latest addition to the list, but certainly a competitor for most worthy. Her writing just blows me away, every freakin' time. Like, Small Doses - it's this amazing piece of work. It kicked me in the teeth, called my mother a whore, carved its initials into my ass, and then offered to buy me a drink. I accepted of course, because despite the violent tendencies it has amazing everything else. I suppose it's a good thing that it comes in "Small Doses" because if they were much longer I think it'd be too much awesome for me to take at one time and my teeth would melt. That's probably as unpleasant as it sounds. I seem to be losing coherency, so I'll cut this short. Lambbaby = more talented than most people could ever hope to be - myself included.

Just because someone doesn't have a fanfic profile (EDIT: Does! Totally Does! Check it out. Dr. Sex Walrus on my Fave Authors) doesn't mean they don't have fantastic stuff. Case in point? Doctor Sex Walrus. Just her name has grabbed your short attention spans by the throat - I can see it in your eyes. Sex Walrus, you wonder. You're curious. And you should be. http://www.mcwildcat.blogspot.com and http://www.laser-eyes.blogspot.com . Look at them. So, non-threatening and nubile. Yes, nubile. With those perky dot coms and such. Click them. You want to. I know you do. It's etched on your face. Give in. Go ahead... click the links. That's a good, lad/lass. The Doctor thanks you.

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Five Minutes in the life of Orange:

and thus it ends 11:20 P.M.: have I told you I want to see Grindhouse?
LYFEizKILLINme 11:20 P.M.: I've heard good things
LYFEizKILLINme 11:20 P.M.: Doc loves it
LYFEizKILLINme 11:20 P.M.: and, I mean, c'mon
LYFEizKILLINme 11:20 P.M.: stripper with a gun for a leg
and thus it ends 11:20 P.M.: 'zactly
and thus it ends 11:20 P.M.: Rose McGowan is hot
LYFEizKILLINme 11:21 P.M.: let's take a minute to appreciate her
LYFEizKILLINme 11:21 P.M.: OH. MAH. JEEBUSSS
and thus it ends 11:21 P.M.: she's also got great lips
and thus it ends 11:21 P.M.: what?
LYFEizKILLINme 11:21 P.M.: What if she and Gina Gershon had a Lesbian Miracle Child?!?!!?
LYFEizKILLINme 11:22 P.M.: !?!?!?!?!
LYFEizKILLINme 11:22 P.M.: ??
and thus it ends 11:22 P.M.: OH MY GOD
and thus it ends 11:23 P.M.: second only to ours, of course
LYFEizKILLINme 11:24 P.M.: of course
LYFEizKILLINme 11:24 P.M.: if our Miracle Child shacked up with their Miracle Child and they, in turn, created a third Miracle Child it would break the world with it's sexinessality
and thus it ends 11:25 P.M.: o_O
and thus it ends 11:25 P.M.: my libido just busted
and thus it ends 11:25 P.M.: it'd be like the Jesus of sex
LYFEizKILLINme 11:26 P.M.: I am updating my profile just to add these quotes

And also, recently...

::About Phoebe Cates' immortal pool scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High::

EvilNinety9: According to National Public Radio, it is U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates' favorite film

Soilworker1319: ...

Soilworker1319: really weird

EvilNinety9: So, the man that's supposed to be defending our country... has spanked off to the pool scene.

EvilNinety9: I'm not sure what to think of that...

Soilworker1319: well, make sure he doesn't have a copy next time we're in immediate crisis

Soilworker1319: he'll get distracted

EvilNinety9: Yeah, if Al Qaeda gets a copy, we're done for.

Soilworker1319: haha

Soilworker1319: no

Soilworker1319: that might help things

Soilworker1319: maybe they'll stop hating America so much

EvilNinety9: Well, true.

Soilworker1319: "That's what we've been attacking?"

EvilNinety9: Phoebe Cates' breasts will unite the world!

Soilworker1319: ...coolest. line. ever

As well as:

Soilworker1319:"Ur stealing my saltz!!1!eleven!!2"
ThirtynineHelens: "I NEEDSES THEM FOR MAH BURGAS!!!!123!!9"

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And that, my f(r)iends, is Orange.

8/11/07