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Hermione W. Cullen
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email: Email
since: 02-19-05, id: 761686, Profile Updated: 09-25-08
country: United States
web: Homepage
Author has written 23 stories for Phantom of the Opera, Star Wars, Twilight, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Fairy Tales, and Sandman.

Hey you. The moniker's Hermione W. Cullen. The real name? I don't have one. As far as you know, I am a writing robot who lives and breathes (er, circuits) fanfiction. If you want to change that notion, PM me and I'm sure we'll get to be great acquaintances.

Fandoms of Choice: Harry Potter/Twilight/any musical

Fave books: Harry Potter, Twilight, The House of the Scorpion, The Declaration (by Gemma Malley), His Dark Materials trilogy, Lord of the Rings, Confessions of Georgia Nicholson (series), The Other Boleyn Girl, Jane Eyre, The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles (by Julie Andrews--don't ask!), Wildwood Dancing (by Juliet Marillier), Artemis Fowl, the Sandman comics, Watchmen, et cetera &c, the list goes on.

Fave authors: Scott Westerfield, Stephenie Meyer, JKR, Han Nolan, Neil Gaiman, Francesca Lia Block, Ellen Hopkins, Eoin Colfer, George Orwell, William Shakespeare, Philippa Gregory, Holly Black, Terry Pratchett, Meg Cabot, Jane Austen, Alan Moore...Must stop listing or risk wasting hours of my life.

Fave movies: Factory Girl, Scoop, Enchanted, Marie Antoinette, Sweeney Todd, Juno, Mirrormask, Pirates of the Carribean, Harry Potter, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Rent, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Anchorman, Star Wars, Pride and Prejudice, Labyrinth, Love Actually, Camp, Stardust, Muppet Treasure Island, Pride and Prejudice (BBC)...

Fave music: Oh boy. Well, there's Kate Nash, Lily Allen, Ingrid Michealson, Tegan & Sara, Corrine Bailey Rae, Metro Station, We The Kings, Vampire Weekend, Amy Winehouse, Jaymay, Soko, Architecture in Helsinki, Automatic Loveletter, Duffy, Tristan Prettyman, The Weepies, Conor Oberst...

Musicals: Sondheim (composer of Sweeney Todd, Into the Woods, Sunday in the Park With George, Company, et cetera), Sweeney Todd, Rent, Evita, Phantom of the Opera, Mary Poppins, Les Miserables, Chicago, Pippin, Wicked, Legally Blonde, Andrew Lloyd Weber...

Actors: Sienna Miller, Burnadette Peters, Julie Andrews, Steve Buschemi, Kristen Chenoweth, Robert Pattinson, George Hearn, Patti LuPone, Neil Patrick Harris, Idina Menzel, Emmy Rossum, Gerard Butler, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Audrey Hepburn, Amy Adams, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Taye Diggs, Blake Lively, Zoey Deschanel, Paul Giamatti, Colin Firth, Kiera Knightley, Anne Hathaway...

Favorite People:

Kaleb Nation--blazing the trail for Twilight Guys everywhere, and doing it with style!

Abigail Adams--a feminist, a revolutionary, and a first lady. A brilliant mind, way under-appreciated.

Julie Andrews--she is class personified. I want to be her when I grow up.

Stephen Sondheim--find me a more clever person anywhere.

Emmerson (at Mugglenet)--for the Wall of Shame.

Bilbo Baggins-Weatherfield--my dog. He's a dachsund/bull terrier mix, and is without a doubt the sweetest person on earth.

Colin Firth--thank you for existing.

Neil Gaiman--double thank you for existing with knobs.

Fanfiction Philosophy: Fanfiction is an excercise to improve one's writing. Reviews should be helpful critiques. Always review everything you read. Always reply to reviews--I do try...Anyway, I said this was a philosophy. Philosophies are for publicizing, not practicing. Flames are useless, but must be accepted with good grace. You should have fun writing your fanfiction and not worry about popular appeal. Bla Bla Bla...

Current Unpublished Projects

Twilight: A Victoria history is in the making...it places Victoria as a sort of Molly-Pitcher character during the Revolutionary War and examines the reasons for her sadism and her relationship with James.

Harry Potter: Working on a fic from Dumbledore's POV (yes, it is a Dumblewald, but before you can think it...I AM A CITRUS-FREE GIRL! Inharrypotterfics. I'm going to have a straight Grindlewald, so get your mind out of the gutter). This one is on hold, but I've done the research (reread DH). I'm thinking of extending my oneshot "The Only Thing She Ever Feared" into a series where different characters compare the time they think Harry's dead in DH to the other time they thought he was gonna die. Hermione, Ron, Hagrid, McGonagall, and possibly a Malfoy are all fair game. Aaand...Remember Tom Riddle's diary? The horcrux from Chamber of Secrets? Well, I figure...it must have once contained something other than a bit of soul. I plan to publish the original writing in Tom Riddle's diary.

Other: Possible new chap of "His Shakespearean Tragedy" (isn't there always?). Thinking of doing a Sweeney Todd fic--about what, I'm not sure. Might post some Greek mythology fanfiction from middle school. Also, I'm on a bit of a fairy tale kick, so BE PREPARED.

Notes: "Harry Potter and the Irresponsible Shippers" gets regular updates, especially since some evil censor deleted it, prompting me to publish the Digitally Remastered Sumptuous Edition. "Shakespearean Tragedy"-- updates are rare but worth the wait ;)

If you absolutely despise tags that say "copy and paste this onto your profile," copy and paste this onto your profile.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1. Harry Potter and the Irresponsible Shippers » reviews
Back AGAIN! Still the digitally remastered sumptuous edition director's cut. Sick and tired of reading weird pairings in Harry Potter fics? Me too. From Snape/Lily to Voldemort/McGonagall, I make fun of them all!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,727 - Reviews: 162 - Updated: 10-22-09 - Published: 12-6-08
2. Vignettes » reviews
A series of poems about people or things in the SANDMAN universe. Most are about the Endless.
Sandman - Rated: T - English - General - Chapters: 8 - Words: 839 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 10-13-09 - Published: 12-14-08
3. Crazy Muggle Lullabies reviews
Or: Why Ronald Bilius Weasley should never ever ever drink caffeine. Very brief oneshot. R/HR. Post-DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 291 - Reviews: 20 - Published: 4-13-09 - Ron W. & Hermione G. - Complete
4. Of Gardenburgers and Spider Monkeys » reviews
A parody of the Twilight movie. Need I say more?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Western - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,419 - Reviews: 70 - Updated: 3-29-09 - Published: 11-22-08 - Athenodora & Chelsea
5. A Christmas Puzzle reviews
Hugo has a problem. Muggles, Christmas trees, cats galore!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - General - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,596 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 12-19-08 - Hugo W. & Ron W. - Complete
6. The FirstEver Spectacular Stephie Awards! » reviews
Reader-interactive awards-show-slash-parody. Categories such as "Worst sudden character turnaround," "Best Verbal Smack-Down By a Twilight Character," and "Skankiest Character." You vote by review, I parody the winners!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,180 - Reviews: 110 - Updated: 11-18-08 - Published: 10-9-08
7. The End of Time reviews
There are some things that frighten even Death herself. Things only one other being understands. In the end, all she'll ever need is a Dream. Oneshot.
Sandman - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 563 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 11-10-08 - Complete
8. Harry Potter and the Eclipse of the Crossover » reviews
A musical comedy thriller. Because...well...I had to. It's just a parody, please don't shoot me! And , come on...you know you want to. There you go. Just click it. C'mon, click the link...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,675 - Reviews: 102 - Updated: 10-17-08 - Published: 5-10-08
9. Matthew's Introduction to the Family reviews
Matthew the raven meets Death for the first time. Oneshot.
Sandman - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 766 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9-26-08 - Complete
10. Beauty Asleep » reviews
Sleeping Beauty told in verse. I like to think it's clever; if nothing else, it's too short not to take a look at.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - General - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,067 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 8-20-08 - Published: 8-11-08 - Complete
11. Breaking Down: A Parody of a Parody » reviews
Admit it: if you were satisfied by Breaking Dawn, it was only because of the major lulz provided. It was epic fail personified. With my trusty co-captain oO-Alice-Cullen-Oo, I set the record straight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,390 - Reviews: 46 - Updated: 8-14-08 - Published: 8-7-08 - Alice
12. Quotes! reviews
Stephenie Meyer called the Breaking Dawn quotes of the day "purposely misleading." I call them "comedy gold." Here is a story based only on the Breaking Dawn qotds.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,112 - Reviews: 25 - Published: 7-30-08 - Complete
13. Lily's Laugh reviews
Could it be that, just this once, James is actually serious? Lily/James, obviously. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,004 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 7-16-08 - Lily Evans P. & James P. - Complete
14. His Shakespearean Tragedy » reviews
The mysteries of the Phantom's past are unlocked as he lay dying. As the memories flood in we are acquainted with an ugly young boy, a very unhappy Daae, and a gentle, taciturn apothecary... *NEWLY REFURBISHED!*
Phantom of the Opera - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,084 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 7-9-08 - Published: 5-9-05
15. The Living Loss of Mary Alice Brandon » reviews
Alice's history from the POV of her older sister, Cynthia. Canon. In character. Properly punctuated.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,207 - Reviews: 8 - Updated: 7-6-08 - Published: 7-4-08 - Alice
16. The Eleventh Hour » reviews
What if Bella never went to Port Angeles with Jessica in NM? How would the entire series be different? AU, BXE, yadda yadda. In character, promise.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,770 - Reviews: 39 - Updated: 7-2-08 - Published: 3-15-08
17. Smells Delicious reviews
No matter how crazy the rest of the world is, Bella knows there's one thing she can count on at the end of the day. Oneshot. Written for a contest. Take with grain of salt to improve sanity.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Western/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,729 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 6-5-08 - Complete
18. The Criteria reviews
What exactly does it take to be Indiana Jones? One author is on a mission to find out. Oneshot.
Indiana Jones - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 468 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 6-2-08 - Complete
19. The Only Thing She Ever Feared reviews
Luna and Ginny encounter a Boggart, revealing their greatest fears. Oneshot. HxG. Set in DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,534 - Reviews: 19 - Published: 5-21-08 - Ginny W. & Luna L. - Complete
20. Masochist reviews
Meadow scene, Edward's point of view. Set to Ingrid Michealson's "Masochist." I've seen a lot of songfics; I hope this isn't just more of the same.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 691 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 3-23-08 - Complete
21. Burning reviews
Bellatrix Lestrange will never forget this night, nor will any present...A look inside Bella's demented mind. Rated T for insinuations and some emo language. Oneshot, no requited pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,258 - Reviews: 12 - Published: 3-14-08 - Bellatrix L. & Voldemort - Complete
22. Going Bananas! reviews
Twilight goes topsy turvy when a mysterious force reverses some forces of attraction...forcefully...written for yayme2012's BellaXBanana challenge. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,510 - Reviews: 33 - Published: 1-31-08 - Complete
23. Anakin's battle with the lights reviews
Short poem I wrote about Anakin's internal struggle between good and evil.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 70 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 8-14-05 - Anakin S.
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Community: The All-Cannon, All-Good-Grammar HP Oneshot Compendium
Focus: Books » Harry Potter

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