About me: I used to be the Sasquatch. Then I got sick of all those southern retards who think they're valiant if they can shoot something, and then hang it on their wall. Maybe I could have taught them something about nature, like, how to not get killed by bears, but no! They had to be dumbfaces and RUIN IT. I gave an armored monkey suit to a homeless guy to keep the locals entertained. He's cool with it. He got a credit card to buy food and other necessities.
THEN I was a British spy. ((dodges sniper bullet)) But those redcoats smell funny, and well, it wasn't long before I decided I'd rather be a whale.
Turns out, water can smell pretty funky as well.
Somewhere in this mix, in 1810 I was forced into an arranged marriage, but fled the altar and hid in the Serengeti. That didn't last long either: I've got Irish and Dutch in me and well, with Africa being right by the equator and all, I didn't fare well under all that sun. By the time I got to Canada, they might have mistaken me for a walking beet monster of some sort if I hadn't slid in sideways through a transcendental window, and healed up on my way through.
Canada, while much better than the states, is kinda boring. I love the people in Quebec though, because they're mean to outsiders for no reason whatsoever, and not ashamed of it either. I respect that.
Then I went to high school and that was like (scoffs) whatever! like, can we say, "waste of time?" OH my god.
There was this one time, back in old-school Japan, where I was a ninja and a samurai... at the same time. It was a very confusing time for me. My body was changing, I was rebelling against authority but still wanting them to respect me, and all my friends kept killing eachother. But I guess every girl goes through stages like that.
OH, i almost forgot,when the first talkies started coming out, I lived in a studio appartment trying to make a living by selling scripts. nearly 100 years later, and STILL no one has wanted one. ...'course, in all that time, I only wrote two: "Bugs are exciting" and "When Crunch Berries Go Bad!" ...(thinks for a minute) no wonder I didn't have any friends.
Then I tried to act on the stage, but everyone kept getting confused. The casting people would be like, "WHAT? Why is there a 13-year-old auditioning for the part of Queen Elizabeth? Shouldn't you be in school, little girl?"
Um. Excuse me. I'm 623. Approximately. Once you hit 200 you kinda lose interest in counting. ...although not in cake and presents. I was there when Queen Elizabeth was Queen. 'course, I was trying to kill her, but that was before i knew her personally. She smelled VERY British, like more than any other. I couldn't stand it, I sent someone else in to do it and I went off and became a whale.
You can imagine the looks on the casting directors' faces when I told them that.
Anyways, what I've been getting to is:
Love of cake lives forever.
PSA: I Flame, and I expect flames in return. If I have a run-on sentence, or a misspelled word, or a CRAPPY STORY, or a grammatical error of any sort, I DAMN WELL BETTER HEAR ABOUT IT.
Don't worry, I'm much more insane in person.
Read my cousin's fics! She's almost as crazy as I am. Her pen name is Ember Witch, and can be found in my exclusive group of favorite authors. Hooray for family insanity!
Current favorite quote:
"Bucket all to Hell!'"
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