I'm an egotistical bastard. Live with it. I'm also a procrastinator. Too bad.

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WTF! There seems to be a world of homosexuality out there that was hidden underneath the grime of filth of horrible fanfics. Nowadays when I go searching for some good fanfics, all I find is gay (literally and figuratively) shit. It pisses me off to no end, especially with the Naruto fandom. Why the f@#$ing hell would Naruto ever want to get involved romantically with Sasuke? Quite frankly, the anatomical and psychological impossibility of this even shows me that most fanfic writers, like the rest of the world out there, are idiots. These are the same people that lack common sense and get their jollies off of incredibly stupid things like America's Funniest Videos. Seriously, someone screaming their head off on a rollercoaster is not funny. Amusing, maybe. Funny, no.

While some people would be able to write a decent fic involving homosexuality, other people simply make up pointless gay fics that might as well be porno. This means it is all gay shit with no plot. Most stories go something like this:

Character A: I normally hate you in canon, or is your archrival, or never get along with you, but for the sake of this yaoi/slash story, that attitude is merely hiding my affection for you.

Character B: What a coincidence, I feel the same way! Let's screw each other's brains out!

(Proceed to pointless gay $#!7)

Please people, at least put some planning and effort into your works! Consider the probability of things happening before making it happen! Unless you are willing to destroy the universe and rebuild it from the base, DON'T DO F@#$ING IMPROBABILITIES! If the people don't show prior inclinations to get together, then don't JAM them together like you would with your science experiment on the reproduction capabilities of reptiles and mammals of the same gender. If it's an AU, please retain the original story's theme, e.g. Naruto's about ninjas, Ranma is about martial arts, DBZ is about martial arts constipation, Zelda is about Link spelunking, Harry Potter is Harry finding his place in the magical world, etc. Change it too much and you might as well change the names, change the fandom, and call it a new story. Even better, make new names for them all and call it your own!

Another thing that kind of irks me, but not as much as the Improbability Writers (working for the possibility of the impossible .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001), are those that adhere too much to Canon. Come one guys, it's fanfics! Expand your mind! Find new possibilities (within reason of course)! Yes, Akane and Ranma makes a cute couple. Yes, Naruto would most likely get together with Sakura and Hinata. Yes, Harry got together with Ginny in the end (even if he showed little to no interaction with her prior). But we are FANFIC WRITERS! We have artistic licences (which prevents lawyers from suing us to death)! We can deviate! Quit writing into that Akane x Ranma rut and show a little creativity! Make it Naruto x Anko! Snape x Lily! Link x Harem! Provoke those thoughts and ideas and explore a new side of the characters we love!

Finally, a rant out to those of you out there that floods the fandoms with utterly pure sh!t. Can you PLEASE find a unbiased critic that doesn't give a rat's ass about your feelings to proofread your stories? Would it hurt you that much? Seriously, with all the crappy fanfics out there, you would think that all writers are dyslexic twelve year olds that barely learned the principles of stringing words together to form an idea and is now trying to write a novel. If you are a dyslexic twelve year old that barely learned the principles of stringing words together to form an idea, I'm sorry. Maybe some coaching from a patient mentor (NOT ME!), you would be able to write something decent. Until then, please give me your penname so I could avoid your works of horror.

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What makes a villain a villain? Is it because they desire world conquest? Subjugate people under tyranny? Sacrifice things precious to them so they could obtain the ultimate power? In my views, a villain is a person who sees that there is something wrong with an action that does not have any good offsetting it, but proceeds to do so anyways. In fact, the villain would not just use brute force, but also manipulate events and people to achieve their goals. Merely achieving ends by any means possible does not make a person a villain, merely an antagonist. A good example of a villain would be the Hitler. While he is admittedly one of the worst scum to ever walk the earth, one had to admit to his brilliancy: not only did he manage to convince the majority of the population of Germany that what he was doing was right, but he also managed to convince everyone to do so along with him. To top it off, he also managed to conquer a large majority of Europe through a judicious use of political ploys and good military strategies. If the Japanese didn't bomb Pearl Harbor, and Hitler wasn't so hasty to invade Russia, the outcome of World War II might have been very different indeed.

Recently however, villains are merely hacks and wannabes. Voldemort's modus operandi is mindless violence and torture for his goal of world domination, which any self-respecting person would not stand for. Yes, pure-bloods control most of the government, but who do they rule over? Half-bloods and mudbloods. By attacking non-magical folks, Voldemort is alienating himself from a large majority of the magical community, which in turn would cause dissention and rebellions. Orochimaru is slightly better in the fact that he manages to make himself a legal economic entity, but the fact that he utilizes missing-nins is simply painting a big fat "Kill me now!" sign over his HQ. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he is listed as an S-class missing-nin of considerable bounty dead or alive for creating the Sound Village (aiding and abetting a known felon and traitor) in every single village's Bingo Book. Akatsuki? Don't make me laugh. "Let's use the bijuu to undercut all other village's economy!" Hell, even Orochimaru had a better plan! They better be using all that power to really summon a really big mecha to destroy all other ninja villages, or else their plans just plain sucks. Dante from Full Metal Alchemist is a good villain that I can think off the top of my head. The reason is that you never knew that she WAS a villain until near the end, and even then it's nigh impossible to get to her due to the homuncli. Her plots were far reaching and insidious, controlling the entire country of Amestris, as well as nearly every main character directly or through proxy (Roy Mustang through Pride, Izumi Curtis directly, and the Elric Brothers as Izumi's teacher).