Formerly detergent567. Name changed after life-changing experience, aka Supernatural 4.08 "Wishful Thinking."

Mwah-ha-ha!

I'm not telling you anything about me. Anything!

What? I don't share personal info on the internet. I'm not an idiot.

Er, I'm assuming you're either on this page because you've seen a story of mine (or my penname is on one of your list of fans) and you want to see what I'm all about. Well, I'm all about writing about people.

Like, actual people. My philosophy is that people are stupid. That's why we love them! We love seeing/reading stories where people are stupid, realize their own stupidity, and then redeem themselves. Because that's what we want to do. We want to redeem our actions.

Well, unless you're sadistic, but I'm sure there's logic twisted up inside that manic brain.

I've figured out that no one's perfect. If they're perfect on paper (screen) then how the heck do you relate? Stupidity rules. People who can capture that, and can tell a winning story, have got their writing in a bag. There's my aspiration, here's my practice arena. Someday I'd love to be one of them full-blown writers. For now the sandbox is a nice place to work on my style.

So... come to the coast! We'll have a few drinks, have a few laughs. Enjoy (hopefully) the following stories and mini-features. Here are my non-appealling, over 255 character summaries of my stories. And yeah, this is how I actually think and talk. My humor is so undervalued.

I Have To Tell You Something: this will always have a tender place in my heart, but... jeesh, I wrote this when I was thirteen! Back then I thought love was easy. Not that it was that long ago or anything, but since then I've actually been cursed with falling in love. The story itself, I guess, was to sort of answer a question, the query being: if it's possibly your last night alive, what sort of things would you not want left unsaid?

Judged: Part I of V: So, before Lily realizes, "oh, it's you!" about James, there's got to be something to change their relationship. So here's the slow trek towards friendship and understanding. Revamped in order to make it more... something not written by a 13 year old girl. Sort of the base line for the next four parts, really. My favorite character is Cate, who only shows up once in this story for a cameo. Can you spot her? Overall, a semi-original, mostly bearable dialogue, fun little fic. Things get cooler in part two.

Changed: Part II of V: Things start to pick up here. Remus and Lily start dating, but (shocker) Lily starts to fall in love with James, who finally says let her do whatever. Rachael, a fun OC to write, goes through hell, courtesy of moi. Sirius also goes through a bit of hell. Marie (another fun OC) goes through love and, yeah, hell. Alice starts thinking she might not end up with her boyfriend George Longbottom. Well, we already knew she wouldn't. Basically, what's growing up without a little hell to go through? Suffer, children, suffer! ...and of course, Cate shows up again. This time as a featured guest star. So, still semi-original, the end part is where things start to get set up for part three (see below).

Loved: Part III of V: So, characters are still suffering. Don't want to give away any spoilers (that would be cruel, and stupid because who the hell would read my first two fics if I said what happened?), but after all that agony, our favorite couple get together. And Alice meets her future husband, who is -whoops- her boyfriend's little bro. Marie gets a girlfriend. Sirius gets a... well, I won't give it away. Peter is awesome, go Peter, and CATE gets a recurring role. Man, I love that girl. Oh, and more insides on people's outsides, AKA blood, guts and death. Party on! And, uh, a few "totally saw that coming" and some "what the fcks?!" ahead.

Cate Delaney: This is grown up Harry with grown up experiences and thoughts. The challenge was to keep him the Harry we know and love, while giving him something he didn't have before. This is sort of a mystery story, where Harry decides to hire a bounty hunter to help him with a case (against the Auror's unwritten rule number two) he is ill-equipped for. Cate Delaney and Harry start off on the wrong foot, but what Harry doesn't know is that she specializes in finding lost people. Guess who's been missing for six years? Ginny of course! Oh, but one problem. He's becoming attracted to Cate. On hiatus 'cause I'm lazy.

Harry Potter and the Editor's Revenge: Totally nothing like what I usually write. I'm sick of "what drugs were you taking" plotlines and hookups, of constant spelling and grammar errors (yeah, we all mess up occasionally, but come on, defiantly? Defiantly? It's definitely! We are not defying, we are confirming! Biggest pet peeve ever!), of ridiculous and too twisted crossovers. I put my foot down! I retaliate! But most of all, I mock. Everything. Anyone who defends something I mock in here obviously is messed up, because Hermione Granger will never have hot bondage sex with Lucius (not Luscious) Malfoy. JKR would have a stroke if she saw such profanity!

Love Stories: Kind of self-explanatory, fluff written for fluff's sake. Aw, heck, it makes me happy. First one is sort of a "tear-jerker" or "misery-fic," what ever you like; Remus/Tonks angsty goodness. Second one is a cute, if not completely bizarre James/Lily semi-humorous fic that might make you nauseous. No, not from cheesiness. From the food.

Seeing Him Again: I finally wrote a Supernatural fanfic. After all this time. It's a tag to Good God, Y'all, basically Jo's perspective when she sees Dean again after years of trying to hate him. I wanted to write something romantic, but the characters were like "hell no to that" so I just went with what they'd actually do. I like the idea of Sam being the brother she connects with for once. Also, I usually don't write in present tense so it was a fun exercise for me.

Severed Heads: A sequel to "Seeing Him Again," which is a multi-chaptered fic taking place in my boarding school's hometown: Eureka, Montana. The first few chapters center around Sam and Jo's growing brother/sister relationship, and then finally the action starts when Jo and Ellen locate the vampire coven they've been tracking. Then come the Winchesters, and ...well, a resentful, secretly-in-love Jo with a cocky, tortured and angry Dean is probably a recipe for disaster. And of course, vampire hacking, hence the title.

Tehiyyat ha-Metim: I cried when Jo (and Ellen) died. So, I'm actually writing an AU story, something I never like to do. But I like this one. The Gabster (love him) decides he wants to join in the war between Heaven, Hell, and Earth, and creates his own army of resurrected awesome people, our favorite mother-daughter team included. Meanwhile, Cas is still looking for God, Sam really wants to kill Lucifer, and Dean's aiming to ice Meg for good. Oh yeah, did I mention a fifth archangel's getting a part to play? Way mythos, man.

Stop Making Sense: Being the Accurate and Only Slightly Biased Account of Nymphadora Tonks, as Told in Third Person. Starts with Tonks/Dora (but only for self ID and with very close friends) getting inducted into the Order, all about our favorite metamorphmagus. Basically, I asked the characters and they wanted to do a story that starts before they fall in love, and I said why not cover the three books she's in. Lots of book outtakes. Look for it sometime spring 2010...

Because right now I am obsessed with All Things related to Supernatural, here are some of the best quotes:

Officer: So, fake U.S. Marshall. Fake credit cards. You got anything that's real?
Dean: My boobs.

Dean: Chow time, you freaky bastard! Yeah, that's right, bring it on baby, I taste gooood! Hey! Hey, you want some white meat, bitch!? I'm right here!

Jerry: If you fellas would excuse me, I have an idiot to fire.

Dean: But first I want to find that handsome devil and kick the holy crap out him.
Sam: We have no weapons, no silver bullets.
Dean: Sam, the guy's walking around with my face ok? It's a little personal, I want to find him!
Sam: The car?
Dean: I'm betting he drove over to Rebecca's.
Sam: The news said he set out on foot. I bet its still parked there.
Dean: Augh! The thought of him driving my car!
Sam: Oh come on!
Dean: It's killing me!
Sam: Let it go.

Kat: So, how do you guys know about all this ghost stuff?
Sam: It's kind of our job.
Kat: Why would anyone want a job like that?
Sam: I had a crappy guidance counselor.

Dean: Dude, you fugly.

Dean: That fabric softener teddy bear. Ooh! I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down.

Dean: People believe in Santa Claus - why aren't I getting hooked up every Christmas?
Sam: 'Cause you're a bad person.

Ed: This stuff right here—this is our ticket to the big time. Fame, money, sex. With girls, okay? Be brave. Okay, WWBD. What Would Buffy Do? Huh?
Harry: What Would Buffy Do? I don't know, but, Ed, she’s stronger than me.

Meg: Well, I’ve lied... a lot. I’ve stolen. I’ve lusted. And the other day I met this man – a nice guy, you know? And we had a really good chat...sort of like this. Then I slit his throat and ripped his heart out through his chest. Does that make me a bad person?

Dean: Dude, I full-on Swazyed that mother!

Dean: Oh, God, please tell me that's a rifle.
Jo: Naw, I'm just real happy to see you.

Sam: Dean! Andy has the Impala!
Dean: I know! He just sort of asked me for it, and then I let him take it...
Sam: You what?!
Dean: He full-on Obi-Waned me! It's mind control, man!

Office Clerk: Probably shouldn't have let you kids in here...
Andy: No, it will all be fine. Just go get a cup of coffee, alright? 'These aren't the droids you're looking for.'
Dean: Awesome.

Dean: That's ectoplasm. Well, Sam, I think I know what we're dealing with here. It's the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Sam: This is bothering me.
Diana: Well, you are digging up a corpse.
Sam: No, not that.

Dean: Of course, the most troubling question is why do these people assume we're gay?
Sam: Well, you are kind of butch. They probably think you're overcompensating.

Sam: We're not working for the Mandroid!

Dean: Dude, you full on had a girl up inside of you for like a week. That's pretty naughty.

Curtis: They did tests on me then uh.. they probed me.
Dean: They probed you?
Curtis: Yeah, they probed me... again and again and again and...and again and again and again and then one more time.
Dean: Yikes.
Curtis: That's not even the worst of it.
Dean: How can it get any worse? I mean, some alien made you his bitch.
Curtis: They... they made me slow dance...

Andy: I've been practicing, training my brain like meditation, right, so now it's not just thoughts I can beam out, but images, too, like anything I want. It's like bam, people they see it. This one guy I know, total dick. I use it on him... gay porn. All hours of the day. It's just like, you just have to see the look on his face!

Yellow-Eyed Demon: Oh, this isn't just any gun, Jake. This is the only gun in the whole universe that can shoot me dead.
Jake: Is that so?
Yellow-Eyed Demon: Yep. Here, take it. (Jake aims the gun at him) Oh my. I'm shocked at this unforeseen turn of events.

Sam: Let me see your knife.
Dean: What for?
Sam: So I can gouge my eyes out.

Kubrick: Don't play with my Jesus.

Dean: Spiritus emundi, undalara, ...persona tote...
Casey: Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza.

Sam: Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Claus.
Dean: What'd Bobby say?
Sam: That we're morons.

Sam copying Dean: Right you're a mind reader. Cut it out Sam. Sam. You think you're funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears makeup. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up... okay, enough!

Harry: Ed, you got to go be gay for that poor dead intern! You gotta send him into the light!

Dean: Hey, Ed, listen to me. There's some salt in my duffel. Make a circle and get inside.
Ed: ...Inside your duffel bag?
Dean: In the salt, you idiot!

Bobby: Well, you got just over five hours to go. You're piercing the veil, Dean, glimpsing the "b" side.
Dean: Little less New Agey, please.
Bobby: You're almost hell's bitch, so you can see hell's other bitches.

Bobby: Do I look like a ditchable prom date to you?

Demon Waitress: So you get to just stroll out of the Pit, huh? Tell me, what makes you so special?
Dean: I'd like to think it's because of my perky nipples.

Sam: You built a panic room?
Bobby: I had a weekend off.

Sam: How ya feelin'?
Dean: Awesome. It's nice to have my head on the chopping block again, I almost forgot what that feels like. It's friggin' delightful.

Teddy Bear: Look at this. You believe this crap?
Dean: Not really.
Teddy Bear: It is a terrible world. Why am I here?
Audrey: For tea parties!

Todd: KNEEL BEFORE TODD!!

Chief: You are really gonna get it tonight, big boy.
Dean: There's been a misunderstanding. I, uh, think I've been had.
Chief: Oh, you ain't been had, till you been had by the Chief. ...Oh, and before we get started, what's your safe word?

Dean: The whistle makes me their god.

Sam: You seem pretty cheery.
Dean: Strippers, Sammy. Strippers! We are on an actual case involving strippers. Finally!

Alastair: Go directly to Hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

Dean: I'm sitting in a laundry-mat, reading about myself... sitting in a laundry-mat reading about myself. My head hurts.

Dean: "Sam turned his back on Dean. His face brooding and pensive." I mean, I don't know how this guy is doing it but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face but those are definitely your pensive and brooding shoulders. ...You just thought I was a dick.
Sam: This guy's good.

Dean: Are you kidding me? That guy, a prophet?
Castiel: You should have seen Luke.

Chuck: I am the prophet Chuck!

Dean: Oh, thank God, the angels are here.

Dean: Try New Mexico, I hear God is on a tortilla.
Castiel: No, he's not on any flatbread.

Dean: Eat it, Twilight!

Dean: You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud seating?
Castiel: I never had occasion, okay?
Dean: All right. Let me tell you something. There are two things that I know for certain. One. Bert and Ernie are gay. Two. You are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.

Dean: You know, it's kinda funny talking to a messenger of God on a cell phone. Kind of like watching a Hell's Angel on a moped.
Castiel: This isn't funny, Dean! The voice says I'm almost out of minutes!

Chuck: So you're really from '09?
Dean'09: Yeah, afraid so.
Chuck: Some free advice, when you get back there, you hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it like it's made of gold. 'Cause it it is.

Sam: Dude, you just got wailed on by Paris Hilton!

Sam: You look like...
Dean: The old chick in "Titanic." I know. Shut up.
Sam: I was gonna say Emperor Palpatine.
Bobby: (comes in) I see you met John McCain there.

The Sampala: Dean?
Dean: What?
The Sampala: That – uh – feels really uncomfortable. (Dean rolls his eyes and closes the trunk, hard) Ow.

Dean: (to Sam) Just give her the puppy dog thing, okay?

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