Formerly Combatant.

~~~~~~~~~~

In an effort to try to give some positive advice to the many writers on this site that could use it, here is a list of things that need to be outlawed at Fanfiction.net. Please refer to this list for a solid idea of what not to write if you wish to be considered at all intelligent.

No crappy Yuffentines where Yuffie is no longer Yuffie because she grows out her hair, wears something completely different, etc etc etc.

No more terrible Queifers that make no sense. This would mean all of them.

No more Dragon Ball Z self-inserts. End of discussion.

On a similar note no more self-inserts where the character who is SO TOTALLY NOT YOU gets super Sailor Moon powers and randomly hooks up with whoever you happen to have the hots for that day.

No more Buffy section. Ever.

No more Roswell section.

No more Felicity section.

Actually, just to be safe, no more sections for shows that have ever been on WB Primetime.

No more "omgomg serena/usagi and r r in lovea nd dump mamoru/darion and pay no atenshun to it screwing up all the series r&r plz."

All writers under 14 should be able to pass a grammatical and spelling test.

All writers 14 and over should be able to pass the same test.

The world is not as painful and dark and devoid of good as your socially-conformist angsty teenager perspective would suggest. Sorry.

No more Ryoko Wins Over Tenchi By Changing Who She Is Entirely And Making Tenchi Act Out Of Character Enough To Actually Fall For It stories.

Lesbian sex is NOT the only way to comfort someone who's unhappy about anything.

No more SUPER STRONG UNBEATABLE MAKE THE FINAL BOSS LOOK LIKE A PANSY villains.

For God's sake, people, Eriol-Tomoyo is NOT canon, has NO proof or evidence for it, and is OOC. If you really, really need to write such junk, then at the very least, don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

Hate is NOT a way of covering up deep love. Duh.

Neither Aeris nor Tifa were sluts. Neither hated the other. They both may have been competing for Cloud, but they were good friends as well. Enough with the character bashing and idiotic catfights.

Keep in mind when you write an Auron-Rikku fanfiction: you're supporting the idea that it is good for an elderly dead person to hook up with a minor. Also keep in mind that their personalities render such an idea completely absurd to consider. So as long as you're okay with looking like a perverted moron, go ahead and write it.

Zelda uses magic to become Sheik, likely-but-not-for-certain changing her gender in the process. They are the SAME PERSON.

People do not fall in love with people who try to kill them. Nor with those who are successful in their attempts.

The idea of Gannondorf getting it on with anyone, be it Princess Zelda, Sheik, or Fairy Boy Link, is wrong. Don't. Do. It.

Stop using the Moon Kingdom for an Alternate Universe setting, please.

If at all possible, stop using Alternate Universe, period.

Don't pair people up for the hell of it. Not everyone in a game/show/anime/whatever NEEDS to be hooked up with someone else in the end, despite what your shallow fanboy/girl instincts say. If it's not there, just ACCEPT that.

For the love of all humanity, keep Little Steiner inside the armor. PLEASE.

The cast of Final Fantasy 7 never went to High School in the real world. Let's keep it that way.

Saiyens are part of the Dragon Ball Z universe. They are not a part of the Sailor Moon, Final Fantasy, Gundam Wing, Pokemon, Chrono Trigger, or Hello Kitty universes. So stop putting them in.

If you're going to write a fanfic focusing on an incestuous relationship, don't act shocked that someone could find it offensive.

The idea that one would model robots, even reploids, after humans to the extent of them having genitalia is absurd. Therefore all lemons and limes involving someone from the Megaman series are absurd. What a news flash.

The concept that a game like Super Smash Brothers/SSB Melee could even be written about is fairly out there, but actually creating pairings based on it is not just ridiculous, but also downright idiotic. And on that note, of all the SSBM fics that need to go, and there are many, Marth-Samus pairing fics are usually the worst. Something about the pairing just seems to attract horrendous OOC-ness, plots that a first grader would be ashamed of, and really cheesy, shoddily thrown-together romance scenes.

Actually know something about what you're writing about. This involves viewing a show/movie in its entirety, reading a book from beginning to end, and beating a video game before you attempt to write a story about any of them. It honestly does help.

Be aware that you will look back on any romance-based Harry Potter fanfic you write now with shock and shame 10 years from now. Probably considerably sooner.

Jet Enduro and Virginia Maxwell's OMGTRUELOVE is, strangely enough, completely unsupported by Wild ARMs 3, and by their personalities.

Rather than just blindly praising them and thus encouraging them to make more of a jackass of themselves, just be honest and TELL your friend that what they wrote isn't good.

Pairing Jr. and Allen together is the written equivalent to punching every one of your readers and also your own personal dignity in the groin.

If you find that you lack the ability to start and later end a flashback without enormous police-tape warnings like ---FLASHBACK BEGINS--- and ---FLASHBACK ENDS---, then you really just shouldn't be writing flashbacks to begin with.

The disclaimer that I see very often at the beginning/end of fanfics, "I wrote this when I was tired/drunk/stoned/on crack/hallucinating/undergoing electroshock therapy" is actually NOT a valid excuse for why a fanfic is written badly/is bizarre beyond reasonable allowance/sucks. Just wait until you are in a proper frame of mind to write, or at the very least, to edit or just outright scrap it. You really want to proudly display to the world what seemed like a literary masterpiece while you were flying on cocaine and writing on the tablecloth with your mom's lipstick?

Contrary to popular belief, the Review system was not created for the sole purpose of people blindly praising you. Someone offering tips for improvement, or even just pointing out the flaws in your work, is actually correctly using the system.

Aeris. Is. Dead.

~~~~~~~~~~

Incidentally, the ability to tell a good story from a bad one does not really depend on having written any oneself. That line of thinking is fucktarded. How many movie critics, book critics, game reviewers, and so on have ever actually designed anything they critique themselves? Very few. The reason for this is that the knowledge of what makes a good story is not necessarily tied to personal writing ability. While this seems like it should be obvious to anyone out of diapers (and for some of the very special Fanfiction.net crowd, obvious to those still IN diapers), it seems it needs saying nonetheless. Also, I feel no real need to "prove myself" to anyone who questions it, but yes, I've written several stories not uploaded here, which I can guarantee beyond doubt will be superior to all that I criticize here. You're more than free to email me and whine to see them if you're actually interested in seeing what GOOD writing is--I can understand if it's hard to remember it after reading around this site for enough time. Though I certainly reserve the right not to show it. Like I said--I've got nothing that needs proving to FF.net regulars.