| Christine Ruud |
Author has written 21 stories for M*A*S*H, and Charmed. IMPORTANT MESSAGE(S): I haven't died. Favorite MASH Quotes... Hawkeye: Just one more question... Frank: There's no place in this room for perverts! General MacArthur's aide: When answering, always use the general's full name: "Yes, General McArthur," "No, General McArthur," "Thank you, General McArthur". Hawkeye: Hold it, everybody freeze. Frank: It's nice to be nice to the nice. Margaret: I don't know which one of you is more obscene. Margaret: I haven't recieved a letter from my fiancee in four days, Colonel! Frank: They drew fangs on my picture of Senator MacArthur. Trapper: He's a figment of your imagination. Henry: Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is? Colonel Hersh: You got a stethescope anywhere? Frank: Who re-wrote these Commandments? Margaret: Where's Colonel Bubblehead? Henry: I'd be lying if I said I understood that. I'd also be lying if I said I cared. Frank (into a non-working walkie-talkie): Attention all allied personnel. There are many stars out tonight, but we seem to be underneath the brightest one. Hawkeye: Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet, let me do it. Colonel Potter: How did it happen, Burns? Frank (about Donald): What's he got that I haven't got? Radar (reading Hawkeye's letter to him): "Take care, son, we are connecting the dogs-" B.J. (talking about Frank): Can't you do something? Hawkeye: Don't confuse me, I can only handle one catastrophe at a time. Radar: He's having a picnic! Hawkeye: Why fight it? I might as well go crazy and be inconspicious. Charles: You are sitting on my footlocker, and it's time for the kickoff. Charles: Margaret, I for one applaud your sense of discipline in the midst of all this chaos. Hawkeye: And that ends the eight o'clock food warning. Radar: They're hunting socks, sir! Hawkeye: Is it sacreligious to beat a priest with a mop? Charles: A Winchester only recognizes one 5:30 per day. This is not it. Colonel Potter: Pierce, you seem a trifle edgy. Charles: In order to have a criminal mentality, one must first have a mentality. Frank: Captains do not order majors! Favorite Charmed Quotes... Andy: I was nowhere near the neighborhood, though I'd stop by. Piper: I have nothing to fear, for I bear the power of...one. Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that. Leo: I thought I'd tell her that as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Fransisco I can't, and I don't know how long my work will keep me away. Darryl: I left four messages here. Has anybody in this house learned the magic of the telephone? Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney! My district attorney! Phoebe: So...how about those Niners? Cole (to himself): I'm sorry, but we have to stop seeing each other, okay? Why? Because--because I have to kill you. Smooth. Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's going to cause some problems. Phoebe: Who's Natalie? Cole: You gonna have to hold my hand. Victor: You know, I could probably get used to having a Whitelighter for a son in law. Victor: Patty. Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee. Phoebe: If he (Cole) doesn't come home soon, I'm gonna turn into a vampire. Paige: What the hell happened? Phoebe (having fallen on top of Cole): We have to stop meeting like this. Phoebe: This is perfect. We need at theme. You're an artistic, creative type. Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that last will and testament thing? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid. Phoebe (about...who else?...Cole): I love that man. Phoebe: How do you spell "oblique"? Cole (after he turned Darryl into a water cooler): Too many people talking at once. Cole: Am I up to something again? Cole: What? I knocked. Piper: Heads up! Pregnant lady comin' through with groceries. Phoebe: I think I did something really bad. I slept with my boss. Piper: All right, speak and spell. Paige (to Oscar): Why don't you go hump a dog, you ever think of that? (into the phone) No, not you, sir. Grams: You and Paige moved out? When? Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry? Chris: He had powers from the womb? Great, it's not like I didn't have an inferiority complex already, thank you. Cole: Love transcends every plane of existence. Paige: Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage? Piper: Matchmake later, save sister now. Piper: How's this for a snazzy costume? Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too. The Nanny Quotes (that show makes me laugh)... CC: I hate that woman. Mr. Sheffield: I knew it. Andrew Lloyd Webber is God. Niles: I'm just sucking up so he'll tell me what the thing on the plane on the way back from Paris was. CC: We worked together for months. There was absolutely no sexual tension. Mr. Sheffield (about Fran): How old is she? Twenty-nine, thirty? CC: Whoops, I'm dating myself. CC: Maxwell, I just heard the most delicious news. Fran: Where's the Nintendo? CC: I'm an important part of the team. Niles: What's the one thing that separates me from all the successful people in the world? Niles: I suppose they'll ask me to speak when they have "Don't Let This Happen To You" Day. CC: It's for a very needy cause. Fran (to Val): You're like Rain Man without the math skills! Fran: Did you know he felt this way? Brighton: Niles, this steak is tough. Niles: Good things come to those who wait, unless they wait too long and they slip through their namby-pamby fingers. Niles: Oh, of course. The SWAT team and the FBI desparately need the producer of "Jelly's Last Jam" on their side. CC: I am the meat in an idiot sandwich. Mr. Sheffield: We wake up in bed together, you misinterpret it. We end up naked in the Jacuzzi together, you misinterpret it. And then just because I ask you to marry me, you go--oh, do shut up, you blathering British moron! CC (about staying in a hotel room with Fran): For the past week I have been singing myself to sleep with "A horse is a horse, of course, of course." (CC and Niles are sniping, Niles saying something along the lines of "The next time you give your old clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?") CC: Nanny Fine, this is a press conference, not Eva Peron on the Rainbow Tour. Niles: How do you do, Tiss Mayor? I'm Biles the nutler...that wasn't right, was it? Sylvia: Do I smell banana fritters with fresh fruit compote? Niles: I couldn't resist the infomercial, sir. Unwanted dirt slides right off. Mr. Sheffield: Where the devil is CC? Fran: What are you listening to him for? He passed on CATS. Mr. Sheffield: Oh, Miss Fine, you shouldn't be carrying such a heavy load on your own. Niles? CC: I didn't even let his wife stand in my way! You think I'm pathetic now? You should have seen me as her maid of honor! CC: Niles, why the hell are you watching a Spanish soap opera? Sylvia: She can't wear frickin' black! It's her wedding night! CC: I've caught him checkin' me out around the office. (to Niles) Shut up. Mr. Sheffield to Fran: Oh, good, you're back. Brighton insists you tuck him in--we'll discuss that later--Margaret is sobbing in front of a mirror, "My bangs, my bangs," and I have a dinosaur Perma-Glued to my hand. Mr. Sheffield: This is family time. We should talk about...family things. Niles: Miss Babcock should be here. She's my home entertainment center! Nip/Tuck Quotes. Those writers are my best friends. Sean: If I get emotional, patients die. Christian: Ever notice how "monogomy" rhymes with "monotony"? Christian: Dr. Santiago, have you ever been sued for malpractice? Julia to Ava: Apparently, you're a bitch in every universe you inhabit. Matt's principal: Okay. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special. Christian to Kit: Kimber isn't a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart. She's not to be passed around the table. Kit to Christian: The truth is you're nothing more than a domesticated housecat with an expensive haircut and no sense of adventure. Sean: For the record, I continue to find your vanity ridiculous. Sean: What happened to "I'm lactose intolerant"? Christian: Don't you need talent for a talent agent? Christian: Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. (A light falls on Dawn on the set of Hearts & Scalpels) Christian to Liz: I don't want a mommy, stop being my mommy! (pause of chemo-induced lethargicness) Will you get me some water? Christian to Liz: Nice ass. Liz: I don't like men. I like you, Christian. | |||||||
1. In A Most Unusual Way » reviewsPaige Matthews's new rule? Never mix a potion when you're angry.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 35,870 - Reviews: 124 - Updated: 12-25-11 - Published: 7-18-072. More Than She Bargained For » reviewsEddi Arbess is an average college graduate with no money and no job. When she meets an intriguing yet dangerous man named Cole Turner, she's sucked into a world of witches, demons, and, even worse, filing systems. begins during season five's Sam, I AmCharmed - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 31,682 - Reviews: 68 - Updated: 2-16-09 - Published: 7-19-07 - Cole T.3. A Not So Ordinary Place » reviewsJust random scenes I happen to come up with. Like them? Hate them? Let me...know.M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 777 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 10-19-08 - Published: 12-29-064. A Nightmare Come True » reviewsThe term "forever" can be lucid.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,838 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 10-11-08 - Published: 9-13-08 - Phoebe H. & Cole T.5. Hurt reviewsThe demon reflects on his witch to the tune of Johnny Cash. Songfic-eek!Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 964 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 8-21-08 - Cole T. & Phoebe H. - Complete6. A Slight Change in Destiny's Plans » reviewsAfter her late night discussion with Prue, Phoebe Halliwell decides that Cole Turner is worth yet another chance. Unfortunately, her sisters think that she's crazy. AU, eventual ColePhoebe -UPDATED!Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,707 - Reviews: 21 - Updated: 7-27-08 - Published: 6-6-07 - Cole T. & Phoebe H.7. Either WayPhoebe reflects on what was, what was, and what she hopes never will be again.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 259 - Published: 7-10-08 - Phoebe H. - Complete8. Ten Minutes Equals a Lifetime » reviewsHow can you sum up a person's life in a ten minute speech, when there's so much more than that? Eva Pierce tries to make sense out of her father's life when she writes his eulogy.M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,477 - Reviews: 42 - Updated: 6-20-08 - Published: 8-3-069. Centennial Charmed reviews...because everyone, at one time or another, does the rewrite of this dreaded episode. Here's mine.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,132 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 6-11-08 - Cole T. & Phoebe H. - Complete10. Knowledge » reviewsCole knows Phoebe's a witch. Cole knows Phoebe doesn't know he's a demon. Phoebe doesn't know Cole knows she's a witch. Phoebe doesn't know Cole's a demon. Confusing? Oh yes.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 975 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 6-2-08 - Published: 6-20-07 - Phoebe H. & Cole T.11. The Common Thread » reviewsIf Hawkeye Pierce learned one thing in his life, it would be never to get into relationships with people that he knew in Korea. Unfortunately, he learned it a little too late...M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,844 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 8-2-07 - Published: 11-28-0612. Just My Imagination reviewsJust another one of Phoebe' premonitions...[alternate ending to the lovely movie Premonition]Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,013 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 7-24-07 - Complete13. Mourning reviewsPhoebe makes her peace with Cole.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 662 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6-20-07 - Phoebe H. - Complete14. A Walk Down Memory Lane reviewsAfter Sympathy for the Demon, Phoebe gets a visit from a certain long lost sister on what to do next.Charmed - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,166 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 5-30-07 - Complete15. The Woman With No History » reviewsWaking up and not knowing where you are is frightening. Not knowing your own name is worse.M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,337 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 5-5-07 - Published: 4-16-0716. Mr & Mrs 4077th » reviewsAre dreams the inner desire of the soul?M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 851 - Reviews: 18 - Updated: 4-7-07 - Published: 10-12-06 - Hawkeye P. & Margaret H.17. Sheets or Ghosts Of The Night? » reviewsOne of the 4077th's rules is that ninety two percent of the time, you shouldn't believe Klinger. Well, maybe they should omit that around Halloween...M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,103 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 11-21-06 - Published: 10-23-0618. The Aftermath reviewsAn insert to Comrades in Arms. I wrote it in maybe fifteen minutes but I rather like it. Enjoy!M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 556 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 7-29-06 - Complete19. Only Time » reviewsJaclyn Waters and Hawkeye Pierce. The two THOUGHT they had divorced fifteen years ago. When Hawkeye, Jaclyn, and their daughter Calla visit Maine, they discover some family secrets that just might change their life around.M*A*S*H - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 24 - Words: 17,266 - Reviews: 54 - Updated: 6-17-06 - Published: 2-3-06 - Complete20. And Now He's Gone reviewsOn the night before the 4077th leaves for home, Margaret reflects on what Hawkeye has done for her in the past years. HM in a way.M*A*S*H - Rated: K - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 156 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 4-26-06 - Complete