Author has written 21 stories for M*A*S*H, and Charmed.
I haven't died.
Favorite MASH Quotes...
Hawkeye: Just one more question...
Frank: There's no place in this room for perverts!
General MacArthur's aide: When answering, always use the general's full name: "Yes, General McArthur," "No, General McArthur," "Thank you, General McArthur".
Hawkeye: Hold it, everybody freeze.
Frank: It's nice to be nice to the nice.
Margaret: I don't know which one of you is more obscene.
Margaret: I haven't recieved a letter from my fiancee in four days, Colonel!
Frank: They drew fangs on my picture of Senator MacArthur.
Trapper: He's a figment of your imagination.
Henry: Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is?
Colonel Hersh: You got a stethescope anywhere?
Frank: Who re-wrote these Commandments?
Margaret: Where's Colonel Bubblehead?
Henry: I'd be lying if I said I understood that. I'd also be lying if I said I cared.
Frank (into a non-working walkie-talkie): Attention all allied personnel. There are many stars out tonight, but we seem to be underneath the brightest one.
Hawkeye: Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet, let me do it.
Colonel Potter: How did it happen, Burns?
Frank (about Donald): What's he got that I haven't got?
Radar (reading Hawkeye's letter to him): "Take care, son, we are connecting the dogs-"
B.J. (talking about Frank): Can't you do something?
Hawkeye: Don't confuse me, I can only handle one catastrophe at a time.
Radar: He's having a picnic!
Hawkeye: Why fight it? I might as well go crazy and be inconspicious.
Charles: You are sitting on my footlocker, and it's time for the kickoff.
Charles: Margaret, I for one applaud your sense of discipline in the midst of all this chaos.
Hawkeye: And that ends the eight o'clock food warning.
Radar: They're hunting socks, sir!
Hawkeye: Is it sacreligious to beat a priest with a mop?
Charles: A Winchester only recognizes one 5:30 per day. This is not it.
Colonel Potter: Pierce, you seem a trifle edgy.
Charles: In order to have a criminal mentality, one must first have a mentality.
Frank: Captains do not order majors!
Favorite Charmed Quotes...
Andy: I was nowhere near the neighborhood, though I'd stop by.
Piper: I have nothing to fear, for I bear the power of...one.
Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that.
Leo: I thought I'd tell her that as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Fransisco I can't, and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.
Darryl: I left four messages here. Has anybody in this house learned the magic of the telephone?
Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney! My district attorney!
Phoebe: So...how about those Niners?
Cole (to himself): I'm sorry, but we have to stop seeing each other, okay? Why? Because--because I have to kill you. Smooth.
Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's going to cause some problems.
Phoebe: Who's Natalie?
Cole: You gonna have to hold my hand.
Victor: You know, I could probably get used to having a Whitelighter for a son in law.
Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.
Phoebe: If he (Cole) doesn't come home soon, I'm gonna turn into a vampire.
Paige: What the hell happened?
Phoebe (having fallen on top of Cole): We have to stop meeting like this.
Phoebe: This is perfect. We need at theme. You're an artistic, creative type.
Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that last will and testament thing? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid.
Phoebe (about...who else?...Cole): I love that man.
Phoebe: How do you spell "oblique"?
Cole (after he turned Darryl into a water cooler): Too many people talking at once.
Cole: Am I up to something again?
Cole: What? I knocked.
Piper: Heads up! Pregnant lady comin' through with groceries.
Phoebe: I think I did something really bad. I slept with my boss.
Piper: All right, speak and spell.
Paige (to Oscar): Why don't you go hump a dog, you ever think of that? (into the phone) No, not you, sir.
Grams: You and Paige moved out? When?
Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry?
Chris: He had powers from the womb? Great, it's not like I didn't have an inferiority complex already, thank you.
Cole: Love transcends every plane of existence.
Paige: Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage?
Piper: Matchmake later, save sister now.
Piper: How's this for a snazzy costume?
Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.
The Nanny Quotes (that show makes me laugh)...
CC: I hate that woman.
Mr. Sheffield: I knew it. Andrew Lloyd Webber is God.
Niles: I'm just sucking up so he'll tell me what the thing on the plane on the way back from Paris was.
CC: We worked together for months. There was absolutely no sexual tension.
Mr. Sheffield (about Fran): How old is she? Twenty-nine, thirty?
CC: Whoops, I'm dating myself.
CC: Maxwell, I just heard the most delicious news.
Fran: Where's the Nintendo?
CC: I'm an important part of the team.
Niles: What's the one thing that separates me from all the successful people in the world?
Niles: I suppose they'll ask me to speak when they have "Don't Let This Happen To You" Day.
CC: It's for a very needy cause.
Fran (to Val): You're like Rain Man without the math skills!
Fran: Did you know he felt this way?
Brighton: Niles, this steak is tough.
Niles: Good things come to those who wait, unless they wait too long and they slip through their namby-pamby fingers.
Niles: Oh, of course. The SWAT team and the FBI desparately need the producer of "Jelly's Last Jam" on their side.
CC: I am the meat in an idiot sandwich.
Mr. Sheffield: We wake up in bed together, you misinterpret it. We end up naked in the Jacuzzi together, you misinterpret it. And then just because I ask you to marry me, you go--oh, do shut up, you blathering British moron!
CC (about staying in a hotel room with Fran): For the past week I have been singing myself to sleep with "A horse is a horse, of course, of course."
(CC and Niles are sniping, Niles saying something along the lines of "The next time you give your old clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?")
CC: Nanny Fine, this is a press conference, not Eva Peron on the Rainbow Tour.
Niles: How do you do, Tiss Mayor? I'm Biles the nutler...that wasn't right, was it?
Sylvia: Do I smell banana fritters with fresh fruit compote?
Niles: I couldn't resist the infomercial, sir. Unwanted dirt slides right off.
Mr. Sheffield: Where the devil is CC?
Fran: What are you listening to him for? He passed on CATS.
Mr. Sheffield: Oh, Miss Fine, you shouldn't be carrying such a heavy load on your own. Niles?
CC: I didn't even let his wife stand in my way! You think I'm pathetic now? You should have seen me as her maid of honor!
CC: Niles, why the hell are you watching a Spanish soap opera?
Sylvia: She can't wear frickin' black! It's her wedding night!
CC: I've caught him checkin' me out around the office. (to Niles) Shut up.
Mr. Sheffield to Fran: Oh, good, you're back. Brighton insists you tuck him in--we'll discuss that later--Margaret is sobbing in front of a mirror, "My bangs, my bangs," and I have a dinosaur Perma-Glued to my hand.
Mr. Sheffield: This is family time. We should talk about...family things.
Niles: Miss Babcock should be here. She's my home entertainment center!
Nip/Tuck Quotes. Those writers are my best friends.
Sean: If I get emotional, patients die.
Christian: Ever notice how "monogomy" rhymes with "monotony"?
Christian: Dr. Santiago, have you ever been sued for malpractice?
Julia to Ava: Apparently, you're a bitch in every universe you inhabit.
Matt's principal: Okay. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.
Christian to Kit: Kimber isn't a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart. She's not to be passed around the table.
Kit to Christian: The truth is you're nothing more than a domesticated housecat with an expensive haircut and no sense of adventure.
Sean: For the record, I continue to find your vanity ridiculous.
Sean: What happened to "I'm lactose intolerant"?
Christian: Don't you need talent for a talent agent?
Christian: Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
(A light falls on Dawn on the set of Hearts & Scalpels)
Christian to Liz: I don't want a mommy, stop being my mommy! (pause of chemo-induced lethargicness) Will you get me some water?
Christian to Liz: Nice ass.
Liz: I don't like men. I like you, Christian.
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