IMPORTANT MESSAGE(S):

I haven't died.

Favorite MASH Quotes...

Hawkeye: Just one more question...
Margaret: WHAT?
Hawkeye: Who is this man in bed with me?
Trapper: You don't know me? I followed you home from the movies!
Margaret: OUT!

Frank: There's no place in this room for perverts!
Hawkeye: Should we all leave alphabetically?

General MacArthur's aide: When answering, always use the general's full name: "Yes, General McArthur," "No, General McArthur," "Thank you, General McArthur".
Trapper: God almighty.
Hawkeye: Close, very close.

Hawkeye: Hold it, everybody freeze.
Sidney: What?
Hawkeye: One of the sandwiches just moved.

Frank: It's nice to be nice to the nice.

Margaret: I don't know which one of you is more obscene.
Trapper (pointing to Hawkeye): He is. We took a poll.

Margaret: I haven't recieved a letter from my fiancee in four days, Colonel!
Hawkeye: Want me to write you one?

Frank: They drew fangs on my picture of Senator MacArthur.

Trapper: He's a figment of your imagination.
Hawkeye: And what makes you think you're not?

Henry: Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is?
Radar: Oak, sir?
Henry: Nope. It's oak.

Colonel Hersh: You got a stethescope anywhere?
Hawkeye: WE'RE A MEDICAL UNIT!

Frank: Who re-wrote these Commandments?

Margaret: Where's Colonel Bubblehead?
Radar: He gave orders not to be disturbed.
Margaret: He already is disturbed.

Henry: I'd be lying if I said I understood that. I'd also be lying if I said I cared.

Frank (into a non-working walkie-talkie): Attention all allied personnel. There are many stars out tonight, but we seem to be underneath the brightest one.
Hawkeye: Very good, Frank.
B.J.: They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem.

Hawkeye: Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet, let me do it.

Colonel Potter: How did it happen, Burns?
Frank: You mean the, uh-
Colonel Potter: Right.
Frank: Well, I was cleaning my weapon when it discharged prematurely. Sir, I think the Chinese have captured Major Houlihan.
Colonel Potter: So naturally, you shot Captain Hunnicutt.

Frank (about Donald): What's he got that I haven't got?
Margaret: Lips!
Frank: Lips aren't everything!

Radar (reading Hawkeye's letter to him): "Take care, son, we are connecting the dogs-"
Hawkeye: That's "counting the days."
Radar: "We are counting the days. All my love..." Major Burns.
Hawkeye: What?
Radar: Major Burns, coming this way.

B.J. (talking about Frank): Can't you do something?
Colonel Potter: Like sit him down and have a talk with him?
Hawkeye: No, like stand him up and have him shot.
Colonel Potter: Don't be absurd. There'd be an inquiry.

Hawkeye: Don't confuse me, I can only handle one catastrophe at a time.

Radar: He's having a picnic!
Colonel Potter: Annoying, but tolerable.
Radar: He's eating a jeep!

Hawkeye: Why fight it? I might as well go crazy and be inconspicious.

Charles: You are sitting on my footlocker, and it's time for the kickoff.

Charles: Margaret, I for one applaud your sense of discipline in the midst of all this chaos.
Margaret: Oh, stuff it, balloon-brain.
Hawkeye: Now I applaud that.

Hawkeye: And that ends the eight o'clock food warning.

Radar: They're hunting socks, sir!
Henry: At this hour?

Hawkeye: Is it sacreligious to beat a priest with a mop?

Charles: A Winchester only recognizes one 5:30 per day. This is not it.

Colonel Potter: Pierce, you seem a trifle edgy.
Hawkeye: I've gone OVER the edgy.

Charles: In order to have a criminal mentality, one must first have a mentality.

Frank: Captains do not order majors!

Favorite Charmed Quotes...

Andy: I was nowhere near the neighborhood, though I'd stop by.

Piper: I have nothing to fear, for I bear the power of...one.

Prue: You know, someday you might actually hear yourself say stuff like that.
Phoebe: Yes, and I will find myself sassy and delightful.

Leo: I thought I'd tell her that as much as I love her and as much as I would like to stay in San Fransisco I can't, and I don't know how long my work will keep me away.
Phoebe: No, no, no. What you said was as much as you would love to stay and have sex with her, you have a wife and kids in another part of the country. Try again.

Darryl: I left four messages here. Has anybody in this house learned the magic of the telephone?

Phoebe: You didn't nearly catch a demon, you nearly killed a district attorney! My district attorney!

Phoebe: So...how about those Niners?
Cole: The what?
Phoebe: The Niners. The Forty-Niners. The football team? You don't follow football? (to Piper and Leo) He isn't human.
(Cole chokes on his water)
Cole: Check!

Cole (to himself): I'm sorry, but we have to stop seeing each other, okay? Why? Because--because I have to kill you. Smooth.

Piper: We're going to vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's going to cause some problems.

Phoebe: Who's Natalie?
Piper: She's a f-
Leo: Fellow Whitelighter. (to Piper) See, I finished your sentence.
Piper: Not what I was going to say.

Cole: You gonna have to hold my hand.
Prue: This already sucks.

Victor: You know, I could probably get used to having a Whitelighter for a son in law.
Cole: Everybody having fun down here?
Leo: Where do you stand on demons?

Victor: Patty.
Patty: Hello, Victor. How are you?
Victor: Good. I mean, I was good. All right, who went and brought my ex-wife back from the dead?
Grams: Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues but that's what the reception is for.

Piper: We need your help. Phoebe's been turned into a Banshee.
Cole: A Banshee? That's different.

Phoebe: If he (Cole) doesn't come home soon, I'm gonna turn into a vampire.
Paige: Jokes like that in this house, not so funny.

Paige: What the hell happened?
Piper: The freaking furniture just attacked!

Phoebe (having fallen on top of Cole): We have to stop meeting like this.
Cole: Marry me.
Phoebe: What?
(fuzzies...on a side note, I think this is where my whole Cole/Phoebe thing started...I had a small fit after I saw it)

Phoebe: This is perfect. We need at theme. You're an artistic, creative type.
Paige: A theme?
Phoebe: Yeah, I'll explain on the way. Us theme, you potion.
Piper: Huh? Me peeved. You annoying.

Phoebe: Oh honey, are you still on that last will and testament thing? I gotta tell you, it's very very morbid.
Piper: No, it's very very responsible. Prue did it, and thank God she did, or else we'd still be dealing with lawyers. (to Cole) No offense.
Cole: Oh, none taken. I've come to terms with my evil past.

Phoebe (about...who else?...Cole): I love that man.

Phoebe: How do you spell "oblique"?
Piper: With Spellcheck.

Cole (after he turned Darryl into a water cooler): Too many people talking at once.
Phoebe: You see, Cole, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Good people don't turn other people into water coolers!

Cole: Am I up to something again?

Cole: What? I knocked.
Piper: Doors. People use doors.

Piper: Heads up! Pregnant lady comin' through with groceries.

Phoebe: I think I did something really bad. I slept with my boss.
Piper: Jason?
Phoebe: No, Elise--OF COURSE JASON!

Piper: All right, speak and spell.

Paige (to Oscar): Why don't you go hump a dog, you ever think of that? (into the phone) No, not you, sir.

Grams: You and Paige moved out? When?
Phoebe: A few weeks ago. But we're handling everything.
Grams: Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the Manor. Exactly how are you handling things?

Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry?

Chris: He had powers from the womb? Great, it's not like I didn't have an inferiority complex already, thank you.

Cole: Love transcends every plane of existence.
(I had this written in the front of my geometry notebook)

Paige: Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage?
Phoebe: Like what, a wildebeast?

Piper: Matchmake later, save sister now.

Piper: How's this for a snazzy costume?

Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.
Piper: Worse. A mortal.
Grams: Oh, good God, didn't I teach you girls anything?

The Nanny Quotes (that show makes me laugh)...

CC: I hate that woman.
Niles: Which one?
CC: Pick.

Mr. Sheffield: I knew it. Andrew Lloyd Webber is God.

Niles: I'm just sucking up so he'll tell me what the thing on the plane on the way back from Paris was.

CC: We worked together for months. There was absolutely no sexual tension.
Niles: Well, duh...

Mr. Sheffield (about Fran): How old is she? Twenty-nine, thirty?
CC: Please! To what power?

CC: Whoops, I'm dating myself.
Niles: Dating yourself? That's pathetic. Even you can do better than you.

CC: Maxwell, I just heard the most delicious news.
Niles: Well, why don't you run, make a friend, and tell them all about it?

Fran: Where's the Nintendo?
Niles: I accidentally pounded it repeatedly with a meat mallet.

CC: I'm an important part of the team.
Niles: That's true, sir. That couch would be floating all around if she weren't here to hold it down.

Niles: What's the one thing that separates me from all the successful people in the world?
Fran: Success?

Niles: I suppose they'll ask me to speak when they have "Don't Let This Happen To You" Day.

CC: It's for a very needy cause.
Mr. Sheffield: What is it again?
CC: I don't know. Some disease.

Fran (to Val): You're like Rain Man without the math skills!

Fran: Did you know he felt this way?
Niles: Did I know? For four years, I've been hinting to you, hinting to him, hinting to him to hint to you. Why do you think I don't have enough time to make pate?

Brighton: Niles, this steak is tough.
Niles: So is life. And then you die.

Niles: Good things come to those who wait, unless they wait too long and they slip through their namby-pamby fingers.

Niles: Oh, of course. The SWAT team and the FBI desparately need the producer of "Jelly's Last Jam" on their side.

CC: I am the meat in an idiot sandwich.

Mr. Sheffield: We wake up in bed together, you misinterpret it. We end up naked in the Jacuzzi together, you misinterpret it. And then just because I ask you to marry me, you go--oh, do shut up, you blathering British moron!

CC (about staying in a hotel room with Fran): For the past week I have been singing myself to sleep with "A horse is a horse, of course, of course."

(CC and Niles are sniping, Niles saying something along the lines of "The next time you give your old clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?")
Mr. Sheffield: That's it. I don't want you two in the same room together ever again.
CC and Niles: Why?
Mr. Sheffield: Because I can't stand it anymore, that's why?
CC and Niles: What?
Mr. Sheffield: This! This!

CC: Nanny Fine, this is a press conference, not Eva Peron on the Rainbow Tour.

Niles: How do you do, Tiss Mayor? I'm Biles the nutler...that wasn't right, was it?

Sylvia: Do I smell banana fritters with fresh fruit compote?
Niles: No.
Sylvia: Could I?

Niles: I couldn't resist the infomercial, sir. Unwanted dirt slides right off.
(CC falls off the couch)
Niles: And voila!

Mr. Sheffield: Where the devil is CC?
Niles: Well, sir, it's raining outside. Maybe she melted. Shall I go look for a pointy hat and a Chanel suit?

Fran: What are you listening to him for? He passed on CATS.
Mr. Sheffield: It was about a bunch of pussy cats singing in a garbage can! What would you do?
Fran: Two words, Mr. Sheffield: still running.

Mr. Sheffield: Oh, Miss Fine, you shouldn't be carrying such a heavy load on your own. Niles?
Niles: Margaret.
Maggie: Brighton!
Brighton: Gracie?
Grace: Fran...

CC: I didn't even let his wife stand in my way! You think I'm pathetic now? You should have seen me as her maid of honor!
(I wanna be CC someday...)

CC: Niles, why the hell are you watching a Spanish soap opera?
Niles: Shh, something big just happened!
CC: What?
Niles: I have no idea.

Sylvia: She can't wear frickin' black! It's her wedding night!

CC: I've caught him checkin' me out around the office. (to Niles) Shut up.

Mr. Sheffield to Fran: Oh, good, you're back. Brighton insists you tuck him in--we'll discuss that later--Margaret is sobbing in front of a mirror, "My bangs, my bangs," and I have a dinosaur Perma-Glued to my hand.

Mr. Sheffield: This is family time. We should talk about...family things.
(biiiig pause)
Brighton: Okay. When you go, have you already decided who gets what or can we go around and put little stickers on stuff?
Mr. Sheffield: You may be excused.
Brighton: Thank you...

Niles: Miss Babcock should be here. She's my home entertainment center!
Grace: Niles, will you get me a drink?
Niles: Happy hour doesn't start 'til you go home--see, it just doesn't work with her.

Nip/Tuck Quotes. Those writers are my best friends.

Sean: If I get emotional, patients die.
Julia: I'm not one of your patients! I'm your wife! And on your watch, a death has occurred. The death of you and me. This marriage doesn't even have a pulse anymore

Christian: Ever notice how "monogomy" rhymes with "monotony"?

Christian: Dr. Santiago, have you ever been sued for malpractice?
Grace: As a matter of fact, I haven't.
Christian: Of course not. That would be silly. It'd be like suing a witch doctor for a spell that didn't work.

Julia to Ava: Apparently, you're a bitch in every universe you inhabit.
(the "Julia McNamara" alternate universe episode is the best in EVERY universe. I loved it.)

Matt's principal: Okay. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.

Christian to Kit: Kimber isn't a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart. She's not to be passed around the table.

Kit to Christian: The truth is you're nothing more than a domesticated housecat with an expensive haircut and no sense of adventure.
(pity that I can never watch that episode again without my father's disgusted rantings pouring into my brain.)

Sean: For the record, I continue to find your vanity ridiculous.

Sean: What happened to "I'm lactose intolerant"?
Liz: Hey! I am asshole intolerant!

Christian: Don't you need talent for a talent agent?

Christian: Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

(A light falls on Dawn on the set of Hearts & Scalpels)
Freddy: Are we insured for that? Somebody check the books right now! What the--how the heck did that happen? We just had a safety meeting!

Christian to Liz: I don't want a mommy, stop being my mommy! (pause of chemo-induced lethargicness) Will you get me some water?

Christian to Liz: Nice ass.
Liz: And it's all yours.

Liz: I don't like men. I like you, Christian.