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mobile edition| KinkyEyepatchShit |
Author has written 42 stories for Final Fantasy VII, Samurai Deeper Kyo, Kingdom Hearts, D.Gray-Man, Dogs, South Park, Gurren Lagann, Road to Eldorado, and X-Men: The Movie. Name: KinkyEyepatchShit Real name: You may call me Kes. (Kink. Kinky. Eyepatch. Any variation of these. But never. Ever. Shit.) Formerly HotIceRed. Age: Old nuff. a/s/l, baby? Gender: I am one foxy lady Story Behind The Name: Maybe you'll see someday~ And I DO own an eyepatch ;) whether its used for said kinkyeyepatchshit is for me to know and you to find out~ Favorite Anime: Gintama, Gurren Lagann, Samurai Champloo, One Piece, FLCL. Currently THE ROAD TO EL DORADO IS BLAZING MY TRAIL Favorite Manga: Samurai Deeper Kyo, Dogs: Bullets and Carnage, Angel Sanctuary, Gintama, Ludwig's Revolution, One Piece, Nana, Death Note, Favorite Games: Final Fantasy VII/VIII/...12 (I can't remember the roman numerals for 12, eat my balls), Kingdom Hearts, Resident Evil, Galerians, Pokemon Projects: Road to El Dorado stuff and whatever else I feel like Shameless Plug: If ya'll are interested, here is a place you can read some of my original shit, mind fucks and buttsex for one and all. http://colonelbadtouch.livejournal.com/ If you've read some of my stuff here on ffnet then you have a good idea as to what you'll be seeing there. Enjoy~! I'm a real comedy buff. (here's a secret, I am also a fan of romantic stuff. Not like mushy, just cute stuff) Like, the most random insane shit. I have trouble being serious, without adding just a pinch of a perv moment. I carry about a bajillion notebooks with me. I like reactions, whether its whatever I can coax from the characters, or anyone awesome enough to review my stories. Crack!stories, if they've done justice to the fandom, crack me up. One day, I'mma grow up to be a forty year old cougar with a large harem of hot able bodied young men, (there will be redheads) be successful, and NOT get my money taken from them. And 30 years from now, a pervy old lady that frequently pervs on the pool boy. YEAH. WELCOME TO MY FUTURE. | |||||
1. Sharks Don't Drown reviewsIn which Erik barfs up nearly his left nut, Charles is a smarmy brat, it's ballnumbing cold and wet and it's the start of a most beautiful friendship. Set in X Class after the sub fiasco and the near drowning of one Nazi Hunter.X-Men: The Movie - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,061 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7-2-11 - Magneto & Xavier, C.2. Ho Ho Hoe reviewsTis the season to be jolly, and the ol' Firedick and zombiefuck duo are no exception. They've really lassoed themselves something...special this time. The real question is: how quick can they get banned from the mall? Place your bets, gentlemen.Dogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,827 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2-1-11 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete3. Flameo and Homoette reviewsBadou seems to be having a bit of a problem. Heine is less than helpful. Flaming and bitching ensues. Pride and dignity is lost. Pft, as if they know the meaning of the words! Today, a bond between lighter and ginger is nearly broken by fate.Dogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,365 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12-27-10 - Haine R. & Badou N. - Complete4. On a Pint and a Prayer reviewsTulio finds himself between a rock and a hard place during the festivities of their warm welcome at El Dorado. Will he ever not be humiliated? Will the Chief put two and two together? Will Miguel listen to the little voice? Answers abound!Road to Eldorado - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,135 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12-19-10 - Tulio & Miguel - Complete5. The Road from Cheldorado reviewsAfter the map, the flogging, the horse, the giant rock, and the city of gold with a boner for human sacrifice, our dastardly duo find themselves time for a breather. Miguel makes a discovery, deflects the situation, and Tulio is humiliated. Again.Road to Eldorado - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 769 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 11-15-10 - Miguel & Tulio - Complete6. Pucker Up and Gimmie Some Sugah reviews"Eat me, Heine-chan." All Heine wanted was to sleep in and not have to deal with retarded red haired cyclopses. Alas, someone hates the zombiefuck. Not that its undeserved or anything of the sort. This tale of love and experimentation will warm the soulDogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,614 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 10-6-10 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete7. Just Some Dicks in a BoxJust an extremely lulzy theory as to how Kamina got Kittan into that box in the second to last episode. So, SPOILERS FOR THE TIME SKIP, MAINLY THE LAST THREE EPISODES. First Gurren fic, proceed with your dicks out. M for language, R&R plz ;Gurren Lagann - Rated: M - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,163 - Published: 7-17-10 - Kamina & Kittan B. - Complete8. Badou Takes a Dump reviewsNo shits were taken in the making of this story. Yet another clusterfuck of drabbletype things. Heine and Badou are up to their usual bag of retarded tricks, from the lowly bedroom to the throne room toilet they cover it all, while covering their assesDogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,468 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 5-22-10 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete9. Raging Clue, Point Me In The Right Direction » reviewsKenny McCormick is a People Person. Especially when the pants are off and the lights are on. Drabble series involving Kenny's many interactions with the citizens of South Park. Slash abounds. Rated for language and implications.South Park - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,310 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 4-29-10 - Published: 12-6-09 - Kenny M.10. Badou's a Huge Dildohead reviewsBadou wants to try something and Heine is being a dick. Big surprise. Just a really short tidbit of something I wrote awhile back. Rated T for the usual language of these fuckers and a smooch. WHY SO INNOCENT, KES? Hope ya enjoy and review!Dogs - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 431 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4-1-10 - Badou N. & Haine R.11. Lets Talk About The Nasty reviewsThere are alot of ways to say: take off your pants and bend over, cuz we're gonna do it. Heine and Badou show us just that, and much more in various situations and settings. Guest Staring: Pre-teen girls, Bishop, TwiDick, etc.Dogs - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,317 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 2-15-10 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete12. Red Stripe reviewsTwo of our boys ring in the new year in a very special way, if not just for shits and giggles, on a certain blonds part. His fellow employee doesn't even have time to congratulate himself on another dumbass drunken plan foiled. Not that he minds too muchSouth Park - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,762 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1-1-10 - Complete13. The Bang Chronicles: Firecrotch and Zombiefuck » reviewsA compelling tale of one asspirateginger and one sciencefuckcracker in the struggle for acceptance,love,and friendship. JUST KIDDING! Heine and Badou are up to their usual fuckupness in these 'domestic' tales. Enjoy the mayhem, I implore you. R&R loves!Dogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 20,977 - Reviews: 44 - Updated: 12-23-09 - Published: 7-4-09 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete14. The Aneurism Dump reviewsTake a peek again into the daily lives of our ginger asspirate and zombiecracker as they battle the random girl interested in Heine, a singing Bishop, being trapped in the closet, lunchtime confessions, and many, many more! Full sum inside. Rated M. R&R!Dogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,628 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 8-2-09 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete15. Business Card Blues: White Hair and Eye Patch » reviewsHeine:Uber asshole cracker; Badou: Crackhead emotionaltard Ginger. But the two of them together prove to be one fucked up destructive duo. By all means enjoy the fuckupness of these drabbles. Thar be crude humor ahoy! CompleteDogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,978 - Reviews: 26 - Updated: 6-25-09 - Published: 5-21-09 - Badou N. & Haine R. - Complete16. Appearances can be Decieving reviewsDeath was always something Badou knew was coming. He just didn't realize it'd all end on top of his partner in mayhem, and with a raging hard on to boot. My Dogs fic debut, woot!Dogs - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,694 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 5-11-09 - Haine R. & Badou N.17. Birthday Snippet reviewsKyo and the gang get together to celebrate the birthday of a very special someone. Chaos and mass confusion ensue. Happy Birthday dahling! Warnings include: Language. R&R hope you enjoy!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,305 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4-15-0918. A Review for YuyaChan reviewsModern AU. Yuya-chan's attempt at fanfiction results in very few reviews from her peers and gay porn jokes from her boyfriend. But she soon learns that with a little love, anything can happen. HotIceRed: IM BACKS BITCHEZ. Miss me? My attempt at cuteness!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,116 - Reviews: 17 - Published: 1-31-09 - Yuya & Kyo - Complete19. Summer School equals fates hand giving you the fin reviewsfull title: Summer school equals fates hand giving you the finger. Akira's got a plan, and it's fail proof. or so he thinks. Join him and the other males for a once in a life time opportunity to what they desire: teh boobies,yo!what's under akari's skirtSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,631 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 11-29-08 - Complete20. Killing Demon Eyes Kyo equals a free wallet reviewsTwin boys discover what it means to commit murder. And face some extremely dire consequences. Yet another Kyo-Offspring story. Rated T for language, please R&R it's cute i promise. :Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,286 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 11-4-08 - Complete21. motel 6 » reviewsThe Shiseiten go on a road trip. This is the story of 5 teens finding their way amidst the booze, road rage, and annoying hotel clerks. R&R please, no flames. ON INDEFINITE HIATUSSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,788 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 8-10-08 - Published: 7-24-0822. I'd like a plate of Truth or Dare with a side orde reviewsAll know and fear the Shiseiten, the gods of death. They threw down whole armies without breaking a sweat. But one must wonder what these bloodthirsty creatures do for fun? Well, let's find out. CRACKFIC BABY! Rated M for a reason R&RSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,445 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 6-2-08 - Complete23. Represent the Green, SDK Style reviewsIt's St. Patrick's day. How about we look in on the SDK gang and see how they represent the colors. Rated for language, Yukimura alcohol and such. Better summary inside. Read and Review!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,172 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 3-17-08 - Complete24. Tales From the School Yard reviewsThe story of five high school students. Their never ending journey through school, less than edible lunch, and the destructive habits of the lesser sane student body. This is their story. R&R no OC's again. GO ME!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,161 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 2-28-08 - Complete25. Of Pancakes and Real Butter » reviewsJust a crack fic, so be warned. What started out as a remotely calm afternoon with pancakes, soon turns into an amazing journey for our SDK buddies. R&R please, no flames. Better summary inside, i promise. NO OC'S FOR ONCE! GO ME!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,158 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 2-24-08 - Published: 2-18-0826. A Box of Chocolates reviewsValentine's day, silly fic. Sugar induced drabble. Really short. Hotaru has a little something for Shinrei. R and R please, no flames! Happy bday Shinrei!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 783 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 2-14-08 - Complete27. Comedy Fight Club Theme » reviewsA set of 'what if' drabbles, containing my four Oc's. Four individuals infiltrate the Mibu compound. On a whim, they struck up a deal, because really, four heads are better than one. Each drabble rated accordingly. R&R flamers can kiss my ass.Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,621 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1-12-0828. School Dayz reviewsAU. Kyo and Yuya knew this day was coming. The day their kids would enter high school. Chaos ensues as the ceremony begins. Twins compete for molesting rights, Akira gets embarrassed, and Bon gets hurt. all in a days work. Better summary inside. R&RSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,122 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 1-1-08 - Complete29. Sex Ed: SDK remix reviewsShin, the son of Hotaru, begins a tale of fear, trauma, and humor. Er humor for Akari. Read as he tells the account of his sex education. Thanks to Akari and his horny parents. rated for language and..you'll find out smirk. R&R give it a shot!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,641 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 11-30-07 - Complete30. Products of our Future » reviewsRen and her friends get their hands of a sword that's been in her family for generations. What they don't kno is that the sword will start a journey of self discovery into the past in order to save their future. R&R no flames! Rated for languageSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 19,392 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 11-20-07 - Published: 9-30-0731. The Idiots Apprentice reviewsWhat's this? After three years, Kyo and the gang reunite for a calm party? Sounds nostalgic, no? No. It's anything but. Join the SDK gang as they babysit their resident drunks and try not to die by consuming Akari's food. R&R. No Flames. OC's present.Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,074 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 10-7-07 - Complete32. A night to remember, though they'll try to forget reviewsSequel to Catastrophe. The madness continues, and a new player enters this game, Hyper Kid! Join us once again as we torture Kyo and the gang, all the while trying not to destroy the house. Rated for language and content. R&R no flames!Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,661 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 9-29-07 - Complete33. Hotaru and the Shinigami » reviewsTakes place during Volumes 22 and 23 of the Manga. Tanaka Renka is a shinigami, and is, for some reason assigned to observe someone in Kyo's group. watch as he attempts to help out without getting in trouble, getting pissed at the supervisors.Sum InsideSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,890 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 8-2-07 - Published: 7-14-07 - Complete34. Smooth Criminals reviewsThey were gonna do it! The mission: steal from the panda Bookman. These teens might not make it out alive. But wait, what? a backstabber among them? it's time to take up the chase. Summary SUCKS ASS. so read the real one inside. R&R plz. thanks.D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,465 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7-4-0735. So, this is my life huh? Tales of the Shiseiten of reviewswhat starts out as a normal day at the Freelance office of the Shiseiten, turns into an embarassing, tragic, and sticky, situation. Contains rabid raccoons, a truckload of lube, perverts, etc. Sum. sucks, so read the one inside. R&R too please.Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,111 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6-5-0736. It's called a little reunion reviewsA hot muggy day in summer. Finding a sleeping old man on the street, Kazu wakes him up, setting off a chain reaction that will ultimately destroy parts of his house, and pit him against his arch enemy:his supposed girlfriend. Plz R&RSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,874 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6-2-07 - Complete37. The reason not to spend the night at Kyo's place reviewsOn a normal outing, Kazu meets the strangest girl, who claims that her father got lost. It seems that his parents know this strange man, and invite him and his daughter to spend the night. Chaos insues. Plz read and review. No flames please. thnks.Samurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,049 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 5-28-07 - Complete38. Breaking and Entering: DGrayMan style reviewsWhat started out as a normal visit to their gaurdians work place, turns out to be a wild fast paced roller coaster ride through Komui's lab! Join these five teens as they try not to get killed by the scientists crazy experiments.R&R.D.Gray-Man - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,721 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 5-4-07 - Complete39. It All Started with Porn » reviewsWarning! contains Bishies coming to our world, food fights, boxer thieves, mentions of molestation, fights, emo's, massive glomping, etc. total crack. sorry summaries suck. Rand R plz! demyxzexion, implied rikusora. language, content, the usual.NO FLAMESKingdom Hearts - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,031 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 1-28-07 - Published: 1-26-07 - Complete40. Why fictional characters are just that reviewsThe reason fictional characters are fictional. that would mean countless men violated by rabid fangirls. This is just a slight taste of that. No hot characters were raped in the making of this fic. Totally crack. Read and review plz. No flamers.Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,251 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 12-26-0641. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree reviewsIt's been seven years since Kyo won. Now, Yuya recalls some of the events that lead to her current situation. Married with a child, the blond bounty huntress is trying to get through each chaotic day, while fending off annoying allies, and pesky neighborsSamurai Deeper Kyo - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,672 - Reviews: 14 - Published: 12-22-06 - Complete42. A Day With The Turks reviewsOneShot!The following takes place between 4:00am and 4:00pm. Another crazy day with the turks. From waking up, to Elena's outbursts, and Reno getting death threats from his coworkers, can this day get any more insane? well...yeah it can. My first oneshot,Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,608 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 11-28-06 - Complete
