Hopefully, with the large blocks of text below, I shall discourage you from reading more. However, if you have some perverse fascination with large blocks of text, I suggest you read The Scarlet Letter or Gulliver's Travels because they've got about as thick of paragraphs as you'd find anywhere. A tangent. Do excuse me.

On that note, I give you a very simple, somewhat sarcastic, entirely controversial, account of my life.

Name: My name is not important, mostly because when one is being tracked by the CIA it isn't a good idea to post your name on a website. Actually, it's a good idea not to admit to being tracked by the CIA if you are.

General Locality: Earth-ish. Sometimes my own mind, but I try not to venture there too often because it takes so much energy to return.

Species: Homo sapien. (I wouldn't want to omit anything, y'know)

Special Talent: I can play the tuba. For those of you who can't play the tuba (or who don't know what a tuba is) (and there are probably a lot of you), it is a talent. It involves lots of air and episodes of passing out. I can also write an essay guaranteed to get a 10 without knowing the topic I'm writing on, but I suppose lots of slackers can do that.

A few things I like:

1) Lord of the Rings (movies and books): Someone told me Harry Potter was better than LOTR. I must disagree. Most people aren't critical enough to know the difference between good books (ie Harry Potter) and GREAT works (Lord of the Rings). The people who compare J.K. Rowling to J.R.R. Tolkien generally get smacked in my presence.

2) Harry Potter: Despite what I just wrote, I must hand it to Rowling. Her books are interesting and are easy to read. I think this is the main reason more people now like her books to Tolkien's. I'm pretty rockin' with anything that goes in the fanfics. Sometimes I think, however, that a great deal is put into these stories instead of into original works. There're a load of authors here that'd be bestsellers. Incidentally, I despise the "Eregon" series, if it's become one already, because there's not a single original idea in the entire thing and the writing style is an attempt to compile every decent writing style into one. I read the books merely so I could complain about them, which ought to tell you quite a bit more than it doesn't. Let me be perfectly clear: There is no way that, during a sword fight, one would 'dance.' No. It just doesn't work that way. You might move quickly or with agility or lightly 'spring' from place to place, but if you go to a duel/match and start dancing with a sword in your hand, the rest of the swordsmen will be laughing so hard that you ACTUALLY won't get any fighting in. So. It beats me why the characters of Eregon are constantly dancing around each other when they fight. Sissy fighters. Rant over.

3) Shakespeare

4) Monty Python: Anyone in their right mind that doesn't like Python obviously isn't in the mental state they perceive themselves to be. Spamalot must also be mentioned here. Spamalot is one of the better Broadways I've seen in recent years. Of course, its music doesn't compare to Phantom of the Opera--there's a good one--but some of the songs (mainly "This is the Song That Goes Like This") really demonstrate Eric Idle's brilliance.

5) Terry Pratchett and his Discworld series: I've only been recently introduced to these works, and I've found I really, REALLY enjoy them. They're masterful combinations of brilliance, cynicism, sarcasm, other words that end in -sm, but you probably already knew all that.

6) Music: I like listening to all types, except for those that bug the crap out of me. I enjoying playing most types of music, especially those with good base lines. (tuba, remember??)

Everyone seems to have quotes so I'll add some of mine too:

There is no spoon.--Matrix

I love deadlines. I like the whoosing sound they make as they fly by. --Douglas Adams

All right, then, I'll go to hell. --Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society. -- Mark Twain

One should try anything he can in his career, except folkdance and incest. --Christopher Lee

I can't listen to too much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. -- Woody Allen

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -- Sir Winston Churchill

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. -- Albert Einstein

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -- Rita Rudner

And here are some songs that one should seriously consider listening to, or at least reading the lyrics. Google is your friend if you have no idea what I'm talking about, which, chances are, is probable on at least one of these songs. But, enjoy!

"Choose Your Poison" -- From the 'Return of Captain Invincible'

"The Universe" -- By Python, Monty

"We Didn't Start the Fire" -- Billy Joel

"So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" -- Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, movie

"The Song That Goes Like This" -- Spamalot

"Phantom of the Opera" -- Phantom of the Opera (gosh, that was surprising)

"Bloody Sunday" -- U2

"Camelot" -- By Python, Monty

"The Philosophers Song" -- Also by Python, Monty

"Protons, Neutrons, Electrons" -- By Cat Empire

"Hedgehog Song" -- One of the fans on the Discworld site. I forget the name and I sincerely apologize

"The Llama Song" -- You know, that one that's so INCREDIBLY annoying?

"The Magical Trevor Series" -- Why should I know who's it by?

"Star Wars Rap" -- Again, the joys of surfing the 'net

JabberwockySlayer