Updated: Saturday, May 3rd, 2008, 11.47am.
What was updated: Personal Information
Name: Kate
Age: 17 (but only at 8.36 pm tonight)
Lives in: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Is definitely in love with: Someone ...
Loves: Writing, friends, writing, family, writing, reading, writing, singing, writing, music, writing, cats.
Lives for: Good grammar, proper spelling, her friends, her family, her MP3
Is: totally what Hermione Granger would be if she relaxed a bit.
Pet peeves: Racists; people who tyPe lIKe tHis, or l!k3 th!; people who think they're better than everyone else; people who walk slowly who are perfectly able to walk at a normal pace, but insist on walking like they have a disability; stupid drivers who break the law when turning a corner just because they can't wait until you take a couple more steps so they can turn.
Does not know why: she is refering to herself in the third-person
So basically, I'm a weird-o. And my friends love it. And if you're already laughing, then you must love it too. If you're not laughing yet, just wait til the quotes. Boy howdy.
Deleted:
You Won't Be Mine
I haven't touched it for awhile, so I figure why bother continuing?
I apologise if this was a favourite story. I just can't finish it.
Look Out For..
Living in Sin
Written for Hannah-Banana! She loved Two Simple Words and asked me to write a porn for her where Ron and Hermione go at it in public, preferrably on a crowded bus. So, because she's my wife, she got EXACTLY what she asked for. And then some. I need to re-type it though, 'cause I lost it when my floppy crashed, so it will be up ASAP.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
There were so many missing moments from the seventh book that I decided to just re-write the whole bloody thing. It will be from Ron's and Hermione's points of view. I will start getting chapters up when I'm finished writing the first ten chapters. There will be more explanation on my motives when I put up the first part.
The End of the Beginning
Like a lot of other authors on here, I was attacked by ideas of what happened in the nineteen years between the last line of Deathly Hallows and the first line of the Nineteen Years Later part. Again, there will be more explanation on my motives when I get the first chapter up. It will be nineteen chapters long; one chapter for every year that passed.
Billy
He was all they needed to finally get together.
Recently Added:
Welcome Home, Ron (Complete)
Sequel to Late Night Phone Calls. Yes, I caved. And yes, it's up.
I, Draco Malfoy (In Progress)
LEGASP! Yes, I have stopped writing my favourite canon couple to write a fic about my favourite non-canon couple! Hopefully, regular updates. I'm not too sure, though, so don't get your hopes up. Chapter six is hand written and just needs to be typed up.
Missing Moments (In Progress)
As known, I have started to write a missing moments series starting at the beginning of Deathly Hallows. I disrupted this rather nice flow of super fluffy Ron/Hermione stories with my rather smutty story Welcome Home, Ron. I am debating over deleting all but Dance to My Heartbeat and just adding to that..
Let me know what you think of that!
Thank You, Trevor! (Complete)
Aww, how cute. Neville/Hermione. And all because of Trevor. That damn toad can actually be of use!
Forever and Always (In Progress)
I have updated. Chapter thirty-two is up, and chapter thirty-three is almost complete.
Copy and Paste This into Your Profile..
If you've walked into the classroom you had the year before by accident and stood there looking around, wondering why all these midgets are in it, copy this into your profile.
If you can smell trouble a mile away, and still walk straight into it, put this in your profile.
If you ever heard voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever run up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.
My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.
If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
HARRY IS NOT A HORCRUX! And neither is his scar! Why would Voldemort want to put his soul into something he was destined to kill? If you believe this, copy this into your profile. (And no, Voldemort didn't do it by accident!) (I shall keep this here to prove that I TOTALLY did not see that coming..)
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list:
AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, kailover 2006, Iluvbeyblade, Lamanth, shadowphoenix101, Charlotte Wilkens, Angelic Kitsune, Chantipotter, ChocoboBebop, PaintItBlackAndTakeItBack, Slythersnake2000, Clarealexandrea, griffindor_girl12, HermyandRon
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch or Hollister told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be a part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
New:
Text Messaging:
Ellie:
"Nawt even; bitch with a wand. Doode, run and fucking hide!"
"Like in the porn you wrote! Your mom's there! And so's Ron! I'm right, I'm right! You dirty, dirty girl!" (Reader shall note that said porn is called 'Living in Sin' and will be posted ASAP)
"So Luca's a puppy named Scruffy. He likes to eat cats."
"How do you do a name? Write it on a dildo? And cut out the shape? Or ... cut it out of cardboard ..."
"ZOMG! DO YOU WANT TO WRITE A LESBIAN PORNO FOR ME!? PLEEEEEEEEASE?!"
JD:
"I was like, 'Fuck you! You have Robert Chase!' and you were like, 'Oh yeah. Here, use him while I fuck Mr. Hot Eyes!'"
"If that was how Robert Chase fucked Kathy, she waited fifteen too many months."
"...hang on while I fall asleep and fuck Tim in my dreams."
"It's either my good looks, my good looks, or my modesty."
"ZOMG! Ron should TOTALLY get herpes from Malfoy!"
"We're pathetic. Let's just hire hookers."
"So ... you're running a little low on brain power, then. Kate - sleep = bad things."
"Family party. Uhh. Picture Bill and Fleur's wedding, but with more alcohol and more violence. The Death Eaters have nothing on the Arsenaults."
"Let me refresh your memory; you are the brains of this operation. I just sleep around and give you things to write about."
"Wait. Did you say you finished your homework? Who are you and what have you done with my Kate?!"
"No, but she Hermione would have had the homework done for sure. I'm pretty sure that in the picture dictionary, they have us under 'Potter Nerds'."
"YOU BETTER UNHIDE THAT HIDDEN MEANING!"
"I have Edward Cullen, you have Ron Weasley. Isn't it nice to know that we only had to go insane to find true love?"
"Are there two people fucking? Then I want to read it!"
"Well, I've been screwing Edward for the past five minutes. That's right Paris Hilton; you're not the only one who uses the phone during sex!"
"Omg, he sat on you! PLEASE TELL ME THAT IT WAS LIKE A LAPDANCE AND NOT LIKE A 'HMM YOU LOOK SOFT AND COMFY!"
"You could tell him that during sex. Everything sounds better during sex."
"No, it doesn't really matter; you're the one with a vice-like grip on Ron's cock."
"Well, write a play where a blonde witch gets fucked by a hot italian who is skipping class and then have the class act it out."
"Still 'busy' are we? Tell Mr Ronald that you have things to do!"
"Edward is like a pro, but Ron is like the cute little puppy that you have to train."
"OK, remember our convo about how your PMS hurts me too ..."
"MORE DISHES? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY? DO YOU EACH USE LIKE, 7 PLATES A MEAL!?"
Texting back and forth...
JD: You should have just let him Ron screw you in your sleep.
Me: We have porno proof that that doesn't work without her waking up.
JD: Like the veil slays Sirius. Much less violent.
Me: SIRIUS ISN'T DEAD, HE'S HIDING! SHUT UP!
Me: Hey, you've reached Kate. I'm busy fucking a Mister Ronald Weasley. If you could leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as he blacks out!
JD: OK, dearest Kate, I hope you're enjoying your porno-grade sex. When you've squeezed every last drop of jizz out of your imaginary lover, text me back and we'll talk.
Me: I am in math class. Cutting myself with a broken protractor and bleeding black.
JD: -pulls an Ellie and kicks emo cliches in the vagina-
JD: It was hot. Almost as hot as Draco between Hermione's legs.
Me: Between her legs against a wall. Sliding down the wall and landing on the floor, still going.
JD: ...I am in public. Please don't be so descriptive. I can't suppress the moans and Edward gets that mischevious look in his eyes that could get me in a lot of trouble.
Me: I'm teaching Mum how to text.
JD: Tell her she needs to do thumb stretches in order to text like us.
Me: And I quote: "Howdoimakeaspacebetweenwords"
JD: Roflcopter. Omg, that's beautiful. It's like Michelle's sister - zomgididntknowforgerywasillegal!
JD: You already told me that.
Me: ...Did I?
JD: Yeah. The other day on the phone.
Me: Oh.
JD: ...Do you just put yourself on AutoPilot when I call?
Me: Sometimes.
JD: You impress me sometimes. This is not one of those times.
Reading reviews for Things They Should Have Taught Us In School:
marenfic: Still love it. I was thinking about it in the shower (not THAT way, well. . . ) and started laughing because I LOVE how Hermione's all, "got mine, too bad for you sucka" and rolls over and goes to sleep. Because that is awesome and she totally would.
(Homeroom) Biology (Grade Eleven)
Ms. Murphy: .. 'cause if I hear a lot of this -drops wooden sphere on lab bench repeatedly- I'm going to say, 'don't break my balls!'
Ms M: -writing on the board- "enzyme = biological _ "
Class: -looks around at each other-
Ms M: What is the missing word?
Me: .. can we buy a vowel?
Ms M: -laughs- "_a_a_y_" There.
Class: -again, looks around at each other-
Gary: .. catalyst ..?
Ms M: YES!
Class: OH YEAH! I KNEW THAT!
Gary and Timothy: -are chatting quietly-
Ms M: -is ignoring them since they're being quiet-
Gary and Timothy: -start randomly hitting each other-
Ms M: OK you two! Outside! Stay in the hall! No talking, no touching each other!
Class: Oooooooh!
Hannah: Zomg, that's hot!
Me: I would pay to see that!
Hannah: Zomg, yes! Right here! -points to the spot on the ground right in front of her desk-
Me: Yes! Them topless! Five bucks!
Hannah: Zomg, Katie! That little?
Me: =)
Ms M: .. and apparently he fudged his data. And that's a big no-no!
Me: ..he what?
Ms M: Fudged his data.
Me: -not hearing properly- .. he f#ked his dad? What?
Hannah: -laughing- Katie!
Me: What! I heard 'he f#ked his dad'!
Ms M: Fudged his data!
Me: OH! Oops. Sorry, Miss. I was wondering why that was only a no-no!
Bradley: No, I can't! I'm shit when it comes to rubic's cubes!
Ms M: .. is such language really necessary?
Me: -snorts- Miss, you listen to Ani DiFranco. Even if you've never used a curse word in your life, you can't say you've never heard one.
Ms M: I have heard them. I've even used a couple selective ones. But in this school --
Person in the hall: WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?
Ms M: .. what is with these kids! Do the language filters just turn off when the final bell rings?
Brad: Miss, the filters were never on to begin with.
Ms M: Adell, you had an idea for a fundraiser.
Adell: Yes. You know how there's that old tradition where people hang mistletoe and you have to kiss someone if you get caught under it? Well, why don't we set up a mistletoe booth?
Class: -have conflicted opinions-
Ms M: Hmm. That sounds like a good idea. It would be an innocent, Catholic peck on the cheek and --
Me and Hannah: NO! Miss!
Ms M: What!
Me: Lips, Miss. On the lips!
Hannah: No tongue! I promise!
Awhile later..
Ms M: -sitting at her desk- I don't know. We'd need volunteers and stuff.
Me and Hannah: I'll do it! -hands shoot into the air-
Ms M: Two girls.
Princess and Vanessa: Me too!
Ms M: .. Four girls ..
Patrick and Julius: Us too! Six girls!
Vanessa: -whispering in my ear- I'd pay extra to grab your ass.
Me: -laughs- Likewise, hun. Likewise.
Vanessa: We could totally charge extra for that!
Hannah: -comes into the conversation halfway- Yes! Charge extra for tongue!
Ms M: AH!! -pushes rolly chair away from desk and runs into the hallway-
Me, Hannah, Vanessa: -clinging to each other in laughter-
Hannah: Zomg, Miss, I didn't mean for you to hear that!
Me: Miss, come back inside!
Ms M: -takes a breath and walks back into the classroom-
Me: ..Wow, Miss. I don't think I've ever seen you move so fast.
Ms M: Kate, you're not helping.
Me: -laughs and sits down-
Ms M: -stands in front of the class again- So. We have conflicted opinions on whether we should do this. It would be an innocent kiss --
Me: And for extra, we'd give tongue.
Ms M: Kate, do NOT start with that again!
Me: -snickering- Sorry, Miss. I couldn't help it.
Note to Adriana:
Me: Oh, hang on, Ron's about to screw Hermione!
Adri: YAY! -dances-
Me: ...it's weird, writing this like this. I usually write my Potter porn on my computer. At night. With tea and a couple cookies.
Adri: ...
Me: ...ZOMGI'MSUCHAFUCKINGPERV!
Mr Gagliardi: Just a short story.
Me: Can it be longer than four pages?
Mr G: Yup.
Me: What's the maximum?
Mr G: You could write me a book if you wanted.
Me: ..ZOMG, seriously?!
Ellie and Adriana: SIR, SAY NO!
Mr G: Yeah.
Me: Zomg, sir. Really?
Mr G: Well, you'd have to hand it in eventually..
Me: Well, yeah. But I could write a whole story? Chapters and everything?
Ellie and Adriana: NO SIR! SAY NO!
Me: Shut up! Sir, don't listen to them! I can write you a book?
Mr G: -laughs- Yeah.
Me: -grins-
Adriana: Zomg, sir, you have no idea what you have just done.
Mr G: ..
Me: -still grinning-
Mr G: Okay, maximum..ten pages. Double spaced.
Me: ..Oh, sir, that hurts me.
Mr G: Okay, fifteen pages as the absolute maximum.
Me: ..aw, fine.
Mr G: ".as from your graves rise up, and walk like sprites/To contenance the horror! Ring the bell."
Class: -is silent-
The stage direction: -says (bell rings)-
Me: .. ding ..
Mr G: ..in that case, we'd have to get a divorce!
Me, Chris, Tara: .. -blink-
Mr G: .. I'm joking!
Tara: .. That's not a very nice joke ..
Me: -laughs- Ah, Tara.
Mr G: ..different ways to deliver a baby today, but back then, C-section was rare, but not unheard of, and the most common way was through vaginal delivery.
Ellie: -only half listening, as always- .. Did he just say 'vaginal delivery'? What, is that like,
-knocks on desk-
"Hello?"
"Hi"
"How can I help you?"
"I'm here to deliver your vagina!"
Me: -laughing too hard to correct Ellie-
Ellie: "Here's your free VaJayJay!"
Silence for a couple seconds..
Ellie: ..Ooooooh! He was talking about giving birth, wasn't he?
Me: -crying with laughter and nodding- Yes, you fucking spazz!
Mr G: It's funny, but George W. Bush was talking about George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four before he was elected and talking about all the issues the book brought up.
Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. Bush can read?
Class: -chuckles-
Mr G: -laughs-
Mr G: ..kind of like Star Wars!
Me: -hand shoots into the air- Zomg, sir, do we have a Chewie? I love Chewie, he rocks! And that noise he makes, like, -attempts to imitate Chewbaka and fails-
Mr G: ..blinks- .. anyway!
Ellie: ZOMFG! -takes off shoe- Guys, look! FUZZY SOCKS!
Me: ZOMG!
Adell: -has a MAJOR foot fetish- ZOINK! -grabs foot-
Chris and Tara: .. where did your foot go? -look at Adell-
Me: ..wow. I don't think I've ever seen Adell move so fast!
Ellie: -starts spazzing out from laughing so hard-
Me: Zomg, Ellie, you're having a sockgasm!
Ellie: -laughs even harder-
Mr G: -plays Seductive by 50 Cent. It is better not to question his motives-
Adell: -makes Ellie's foot dance-
Ellie: DANCE, FOOT, DANCE!
Ten minutes later..
Ellie: -takes foot back-
Adell: -huge smile-
Mr G: -talking about something totally different, but it was funny 'cause it flowed- That's pimpin'.maybe..
Me: -sitting on Adell's lap, half-way through Eclipse (Stephenie Meyer). Librarian (huge fan of the Twilight series) walks in- Miss! Miss, he PROPOSED!
Ms Pitts: :O CONGRATULATIONS!
Me: -laughs- No, not Adell! In the book!!
Ms Pitts: Oh! I KNOW! -squeals. The woman is like, 63. That alone is hysterical-
Adell: -hugs Ellie's feet- I love you, Sweet Feet!
Ellie: I love you too, my Eddie.
Chris: .. did Adell just deepthroat your foot?
Me: No, he hugged them!
Ellie: I don't think my foot would fit in his mouth .. then again, I really don't want to find out!
Adell: -smiles-
Me: You okay?
Ellie: I don't like people being mad at me.
Me: I'll never be mad at you. Unless you backstab me.
Ellie: I wouldn't backstab you unless you backstab me first. And only if it was really bad. I only backstab for revenge.
Me: Me too. And only if they're worth it.
Ellie: Yeah.
Me: ..you'd be worth the backstab.
Ellie: You too, Kate. You too.
Ms Haninec: What's inside this box?
Class: ..
Ms H: Any one?
Me: ..open it and find out..
Ms H: We can't open it.
-A few minutes later after a heated discussion including yelling, a lot of speaking out of turn, theories being written, and a LOT of contradiction-
Ms H: I'll tell you what's in this box when scientists are one hundred percent sure what's inside the atom.
Class: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL US WHAT'S IN THE BOX AFTER ALL THAT!?
Ellie: Miss, I'll give you twenty bucks..
Me: -snorts with laughter-
Hannah and Princess: .. -start laughing at me-
Me: Did anyone see where she put the box?
Class: ..
-Yet another few minutes later-
Ellie: -continues to brib Ms H-
Me: Watch, she has no idea what is in that box because she didn't put it together and no one told HER, EITHER.
Ellie: :O -jumps up to ask-
Me: ..
Ellie: So tell me, your favourite student..what's in the box?
Ms H: Nope. I can't.
Ellie: Kay. What if I find it?
Ms H: No, that's what science is about; making discoveries and not knowing if you're right or not by the end of it.
Ellie: But it is a discovery. I FOUND THE BOX!
Ms H: -laughs- Not this time, Ellie.
Ellie: But..but..but..races back to me-
-Later-
Ellie: I'm going to ask Ryan what's in the box. I'll be all 'Ryan, you're a man. You should know what's in the box!'
Me: ..it's a dick in a box!
Ellie: :O
Me and Ellie: -start singing "Dick in a Box"-
Ms H: So this molecule is the parent.
Class: ..
Ms H: And now the parent is going to become a stripper.
Class: .. What!?
Ellie: -awakes from her unconcious state- ..I'm interested now!
Me: -Striptease pops into head-
Ellie: -gets up and takes off clothes- I'll be the model! WOOO!! (Please note that this last part did not actually happen. Ellie wrote it because she's a freak. And I love her because of it.)
Me: I wanna die in my sleep.
Camille: Really? That's so boring.
Me: Well, fine. I wanna die when I'm in my late nineties, early hundreds from a heart attack after sex.
Bradley: ..why?
Me: 'Cause.
Camille: It's more interesting than dying in your sleep.
Hannah: What's more interesting than dying in your sleep?
Me: Dying in your early hundreds after sex.
Hannah: ..Why would you be having sex in your early hundreds?
Me and Camille: Why not?
Hannah: That's so gross!
Me: Why?
Hannah: Because..it just is!
Me: Not really!
Hannah: I wanna die peacefully. And when I'm gone, I want my body to be put in a blender and liquified, and someone has to force Alex to drink it.
Me: ..Did you just finish watching Hostile or something? Or are you just trying to be more creative than me? 'Cause that won't work.
Brad: ..I wanna be 87 when I die. NO! No, wait! I wanna be 150!
Camille: ..You're going to be 74 when you die.
Brad: How the hell do you know?
Camille: I'm good at telling when someone will die.
Me: Oh really? How do you know this?
Camille: =)
Me: All right, how old will I be?
Camille: ..86
Me: Nope, but OK.
Brad: Miss! Miss, how old are you going to be when you die?
Ms H: -can't hear because the class is so loud- What?
Brad: How old are you going to be when you die?
Ms H: Brad, I can't hear you!
Me: -jumps up and runs to the front desk- How old are you going to be when you die?
Ms H: -blinks-
Hannah, Brad, and Camille: -are laughing in the background-
Me: I'm going to be 115.
Ms H: Um .. good for you?
Me: =D
Me: -reading "YOU! The Owner's Manual to a Healithier Body"- Brad, do you know how your penis works?
Brad: ..blinks- What?
Camille: ..Kate, what are you reading?
Me: The sex chapter in the book. Do you know how a penis works, Camille?
Camille: I know that all the blood rushes down to it when the guy is turned on..
Brad: And the cock gets hard!
Me: OK, but do you know why?
Brad: ..because the guy is horny?
Me: -snickers- No. There's a spongy muscle that absorbs the blood and causes the penis to stand erect. The veins around the base of a penis clamp down to keep the blood in the penis, causing the male to maintain the erection. This is fasinating! I'm learning things I didn't know before!
Brad: ..Mentos anyone?
Brad: ..What are you doing?
Me: -searching through textbook- I'm looking for when this was published.
Camille: ..Why are you searching through the first unit?
Me: Because I can't find it on the Works Cited page.
Brad: "Copyright 2002".
Me: ..Where'd you find that!?
Brad: On the Works Cited page.
Me: .. -flips to Works Cited page-
Camille: It's small; leave her alone.
Me: ..It's bold. How the hell did I miss that?
Camille: ..I'm on your side!
Me: Oh! Right! Yeah, Brad! Leave me alone, it's small!
Civics (Grade Ten, Semester 1):
Mr Gallagher: DICTATORSHIP! A word EVERYONE forgets! So, I'm going to help you REMEMBER! Timothy!
Tim: Yes, sir?
Mr G: How many dicks do you have?
Class: -in shock-
Tim: ..what?
Mr G: How many dicks do you have?
Tim: One, sir..
Mike: Unless you're, you know, special..
Mr G: Good! GIRLS! Who has the dicks!
Girls: ..the guys?
Mr G: That's a question? Okay, I'm scared!
Girls: The guys!
Mr G: Good! So! Dictatorship means ONE! MAN! GOVERNMENT!
Me: I fucking love this class.
Mr Gallagher: ALISON! Read for us, you have a loverly voice.
Alison: Um..okay. 'Besides man-'
Mr G: Any time.
Alison: 'Besides man, other-'
Mr G: Whenever you're ready.
Alison: '-other creatures-'
Mr G: Soon, please.
Alison: WILL YOU JUST LET ME READ?
Gallagher: When looking for qualities in a Prime Minister, think of it as looking for qualities in a life partner. What do you look for? Loyalty, honesty, sense of humour, great ass, right? Same for the Prime Minister!
Gallagher: Does everyone have the chapter two sheet? Yes.. Okay..does anyone think that I'm speaking a different language? 'Cause some people are looking at me like I'm speaking Russian or something!
-starts walking out of the class-
Das va dania!
(Note: That's russian for Goodbye. If anyone was wondering.)
Gallagher:
-turning on the T.V. in the dark classroom-
I need some light! I'm not used to this new T.V, damn it!
-light comes on-
Ah..if you push the menu button, it does NOT turn the T.V. on..just for you people playing at home.
Mike: It's naked time!
Fabio: Naked time?
Mike: Yes.
Fabio: What's naked time?
Mike: Time to get naked.
Me: The flashbacks! Oh dear LORD THE FLASHBACKS!
Gallagher: Indictable offence. People tend to mix it up with summary offence, so I'm going to help you remember the meaning! Okay, so stay with me; you know how - at Christmas time - you need that extra plank of wood for the middle of the table for dinner because of that extra aunt or someone, so it makes the table longer? And then you have to take it off after dinner? But then your stupid cousins push the table together? And you never got the chance to take a step back? Dick-in-table! Gentlemen! Serious situation, or not so serious?
Guys: SERIOUS!!
Gallagher: I rest my case. Indictable is serious. Summary is not so serious.
Jethro: They should be more Pacific!
Gallagher: Pacific? Really? I wanted to be more Atlantic.
Me: Really? I want to be more Indian.
Gallagher: HA! That's good!
Me: Hee, I know!
Mr Rozbicki: VICTOR! Do you know what the HELL you're playing?
Victor: No, sir! I've already said that!
Mr R: Well? Then why didn't you come to me yesterday and say 'Sir, I don't understand'!
Victor: Because I've been doing that for a while, sir!
Mr R: Someone hold my hands, or I'll hit this kid.
Class: -laughs-
Mr R: KATE! Take the stick and play the number starting from bar thirteen.
Me: What? You're..you ARE kidding, right?
Mr R: No. Play.
Me: -gulp- Oh..kay..
Mr R: Ready? 1. 2. 3. 4. Quarter. Click, rest, click, rest, click, rest, click, rest, quarter, quarter, eighth, eighth, quarter, click, rest, click - YES! Thank you!
Me: ..you're welcome?
Mr R: Play for the rest of the period.
Me: What!?
Jessica: Do it, man! You were fucking hot!
Me: Will you STOP incouraging him?
Alison: Dude..play the fucking drums!
Me: FUCK NO!
Alison, Jessica, and Hustanya: PLAY!
Mr R: Kate? Play from beginning.
Me: Okay..plays from beginning- -finishes-
Mr R: Wow! See, Victor? It's so easy a FLUTE PLAYER CAN PLAY IT!
Me: And my self-esteem has just dropped to zero. Thanks sir.
Mr R: Play it again, Ms. Kate.
Me: Sir..PLEASE don't make me play it again.
Mr R: Just for today. Until we get a real drum player!
Me: Fine.
Me: Say 'Hey!'
Alison: I'm NOT saying 'Hey'
Me: You'll get extra marks!!
Alison: Rawr! -claw thingy-
Me: Chris, I'll yell rape!
Chris: Well, it's not rape if I yell 'SURPRISE!' 'cause then you know it's coming!
Supply Teacher(Don't know the dude's name): And what is your last name, miss?
Cassie: Who, me?
Supply: Yes.
Cassie: Costa..costa lotta money!
Ms. Carrusca: ..the boss gets a good vibe from you and gives you a chance. You know, lets you get your feet wet.
Me: How long would our feet be wet, Miss? 'Cause we don't want to get trenchfoot.
Laughter: -is scattered throughout the class-
Me: You like that one, Miss.
Ms C: -snickering- Yes, I like that one.
Me: I think I should get extra marks for that ;)
Ms C: I'll look into it.
Ms C: Um, no, Joseph, that's actually incorrect.
Luca: Ha! Pwned!
Joseph: -punches Luca- OW! BONY MOTHER-!
Luca: HAHA! Pwned TWICE!
Joseph: Ow :(
Ms C: Luca, stop trying to bring everyone else down to your level.
Luca: -had a broken leg, which is why that was funny XD-
Mr Osinski: Okay, let's make fire without using matches, gas, or a spark.
Class: ..what?
Mr O: Ha. Okay, we're going to use these two chemicals and make a flame.
Me: Oh, this should be interesting..
Mr O: I need a volunteer. Someone not afraid of fire. Okay, Hannah, c'mon up here and put on the apron and the goggles. Okay. Now, we need to scoop this powder into the petri dish and then Hannah will pour half of this liquid onto the powder. Luca, sit down, I will not be responsible for your actions if you blow up the school, which is why Hannah is up here, not you.
Luca: -pouts and sits down- Fine.
Me: Aww, it's okay, Luca.
Luca: -grins and sits on my lap- You're comfy :)
Me: -snickers- Um..thank you?
Mr O: Anyway! So, Hannah, pour half the liquid into the petri dish.
Hannah: :(Only half?
Mr O: Yes, only half. Pour.
Hannah: Okay, there.
Nothing: -happens-
Hannah: Let's put in more liquid stuff!!
Mr O: ..Um..Yeah, okay, but we'll need more powder to even it out.
Hannah: MORE LIQUID!! -pours and stirs-
Again, nothing: -happens-
Mr O: Okay..Um..I'm going to go into the other class and get some more chemicals 'cause these are obviously expired or something. -leaves-
Me: -pushes Luca off lap and walks to front to talk to Hannah about boys-
Hannah: Hang on a second. -walks to opposite side of the room-
Me: -whistles and looks around-
The experiment: -starts to smoke-
Me: Hey, Hannah! It's working! Look!
Hannah: Cool!!
Me: It's working, guys!!
Hannah: It's working!.omg -eyes widen- Omg, it's working.
The experiment: -bursts into flames like it's supposed to-
Hannah: -shrieks- OMG IT'S WORKING! OMG, OMG, OMG!! -runs back and forth behind the counter-
Me: HOLY SHIT!!
Hannah: WHERE'S THE TEACHER?! MR OSINSKI!! AHHHHH!!
The experiment: -burns out-
The class: -evacuates the classroom-
Chantel: Omg, Tim's turning into a bunny!!
Me: ..wtf?
Tim: Holy shit! This stuff is strong!!
Chantel: Yeah, he's turning into a bunny! Look, he's growing ears!
Me: ..because he didn't have ears before -raises eyebrow-
Chantel: -bursts out laughing- Look, he's growing a tail!
Me: Okay, now we know that he didn't have that before. Unless you found otherwise and didn't tell me how or when.
Chantel: -gigglesnort- (I swear, she did. It sounded so weird)
Me: ..I wanna turn into a bunny!
Chantel: -tosses mint over-
Me: Holy mother crap!!
Chantel: What?
Me: Well, my siniuses are all cleared up!
Chantel: -snickers-
A Few Well Paced Minutes Later:
Me: -hack hack cough weeze-
Chantel: ..are you okay?
Me: -cough cough- Yeah.
Chantel: You sure?
Me: -hack hack- Hairball.
Chantel: -almost falls off her chair laughing-
Mr O: Okay, this experiment should work.
Nothing: -happens-
The class: -is totally silent-
Mr O: ..Okay, so usually, when an experiment that's supposed to work..well..doesn't..
Me: You have to leave so it will?
The class: -bursts out laughing-
Mr O: -snickers- Yeah, that seems to be how things work around here.
PEANUTS parody:
Charlie Brown: I don't want to kick the football. You always move it!
Lucy: -sighs- I won't move it this time!
CB: -thinking- "Maybe she means it! -starts running- Maybe I'll actually kick the football!"
Lucy: -moves the football-
CB: -doesn't even stop or hestitate and kicks Lucy instead, sending her flying- That's for years of humilitation, bitch!
Conversation between Ellie and JD:
JD: My life is spiralling downward into the abyss of emo cliches.
Ellie: -kicks emo cliches in the vagina-
At Ellie's 17th birthday:
Gasior: -gets a hold of Two Simple Words. No big deal, it's Gasior-
Ellie: Kate, he has your story again. I don't want him to pop one in front of my mom.
Gasior: I need everyone to sit down please!
Me: .. uh oh.
Everyone:sits-
Gasior: This is Kate's story. "Ronald Weasley was having a shitty week. His Auror training was working him to the limit and he came home every night later than he expected. Savouring the fact that it was a Friday, he searched his pockets for his keys."
Me and Ellie: NO!!
Gasior: "A noise came from within his flat and he froze, leaning a little closer to the door and trying to decipher the sound. There was a faint buzzing. 'Oh, Ron.'quot; -keeps reading-
Me: Oh shit. -curls up in a ball in the corner of the room, blushing furiously-
Ellie's Mom: Hang on, hang on. Now I know why everyone was walking around yesterday with their eyes glued to the fucking papers! It's erotica! -looks over at me- Zomg, get me a camera! Look how red my daughter is! (Note: Ellie's mom has adopted all of Ellie's friends. Including me)
Me: Oh God. -hides face in shirt-
Gasior: "'Hermione. Hermione, please. Please,' Ron begged. Hermione crawled back onto the bed and started kissing up Ron's leg, ignoring his pleas."
Dave (Mom's boyfriend): Hang on. -turns to Danny's 12 year old sister- Do you want to go upstairs? -slight pause- I mean, by yourself?
Me: OH MY, GOD! DAVE!! -rolls on the floor laughing-
Everyone: -starts to laugh-
Dave: OK, well, hang on! Let's act this out! I'll be Ron!
Luca: I'LL BE HERMIONE!
Dave: -sits on a chair, legs spread-
Luca: -runs forward and drops to his knees, pretending to give Dave head-
Gasior: -laughing- "'Be a good boy,' she purred before enveloping Ron's cock with her mouth and tongue. She tilted her head a bit and swirled her tongue while moving her head up and down."
Ellie: ZOMGDAVE! CAN I BE YOUR PENIS?!
Gasior: -can hardly see from laughing so hard-
Ellie: -runs forward and stands between Dave's legs, arms glued to her sides, her head bent slightly-
Luca: -grabs Ellie's arms and bobs his mouth against the top of Ellie's head, pretending to give head again-
Gasior: "Hermione slipped a finger into her mouth and stroked Ron with it, still moving her tongue over him. He shouted her name and Hermione lightly grazed her teeth over the head of Ron's cock. She kept this up until she knew he was close to his orgasm."
Mom: OK, we should stop! There is a twelve year old present!
Me: Well, I tried to tell you that!
Everyone: -starts laughing in the aftermath of it all-
Shelly: There's a light on the end of his wand!
Me: ..
Shelly: ..
Me: -starts snickering-
Shelly: No, I mean his wand! His wand!
Me: ..shakes with laughter-
Shelly: Zomg, I mean that there's a light on the end of his magic wand!
Me: ..You're making it worse. Shut up while you're ahead. I know you mean his wooden wand.
Shelly: ZOMG! -cries with laughter-
Me: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
Shelly: Zomg, Katey, just stop.
Me and Shelly: -start laughing again-
Me: -dials the number and the corresponding numbers to get where I need to be-
Computer for Virgin Mobile: Please enter your mobile number.
Me: -searches frantically through the phone for the number-
Computer: Are you still there? Please enter your mobile number.
Me: -Still searching frantically through phone-
Computer: Are you still there? Pleas--
Me: YES! -enters number and shuts the computer up. Two birds. One damn stone-
Computer: Uh oh! That number is unverified. Please enter your mobile number.
Me: What the hell?! -enters number again-
Computer: Uh oh! That number is unverified. Please enter your mobile number.
Me: ..enters number again-
Computer: Uh oh! That number is unverified. Please enter your mobile number.
Me: WHAT THE HELL?! -enters number again-
Computer: Uh oh! That number is unverified! Are you playing hard to get?
Me: NO! I'M TRYING TO MINUTES ON MY FUCKING PHONE, BITCH!
Computer: Please enter your mobile number.
Me: -enters number again-
Computer: Hmm. It seems there's a problem with your number. Give us a minute and we'll hook you up with a nice, cuddly human!
Me: ..You couldn't tell there was something wrong the FIRST time it didn't work?!
Three minutes later..
Some lady: Virgin Mobile, how may I help you?
Me: -whimpering- Are you a nice, cuddly human?
Elaina: I'd finish it, but I never have time.
Me: You should totally finish it. When you have the tim.
Elaina: Okay .. the tim .. is that a disease?
Me: Yes. It's a disease where you can't stop writing.
Elaina: I wish I had the tim!
Me: I HAVE IT RIGHT NOW!
Me: -glomps-
Andre: ..what is 'glomp'? I feel attacked lol
Me: Glomp is a violent hug. Never sexual.
Andre: Nope. Never -looks around-
Me: Well, never sexual when it's from me.
Andre: Kate, you ARE the definition of SEXUAL!
Me: roflcopter! I am not!
Andre: Pfft. Lies.
Me: If I were the definition of sexual..oh. Yes, you're right. Never mind.
Andre: See :D
Me: Okay, fine, you win. I'm the definition of sexual :P
Andre: Woot! Now, put it in your MSN name :P
Me: lol. Yeah, alright!
Flo: Look at this: "Ronald Bilius Weasley is Harry Potter's best friend and a potential love interest for Hermione Granger".
Me: LMFAO! POTENTIAL?!
Flo: I know!
Me: roflcopter! POTENTIAL!?
Flo: I know! Whoa, deja vu!
Me: =P
Flo: "Hermione Jane Granger is a student at Hogwarts and a very close friend of both Harry Potter and Ron Weasley".
Me: ..wtf?!
Flo: WHY ISN'T THE WORD 'POTENTIAL' WRITTEN THERE!?
Me: ..it's quiet here..TOO quiet..
Lexxie: lol. Why?
Me: ..maybe 'cause I'm not listening to music..
Lexxie: lol. I'M TIRED, BITCH!
Lexxie: Kay. I'm Sherlock Holmes from now on. Kay. And you'll be Watson. 'Cause although they didn't truly say it in the books, I'm pretty sure he was his sex slave.
Me: ..sex slave, eh? We gonna sneak into the bathroom at Hard Rock Cafe and get it on?
Lexxie: They don't call it Hard Cock for nothing ;)
Me: ..
Lexxie: OMG! LMFAO! That was probably the WORST typo EVER. Rock!
Me: LMMFFAO! Okay, let me breathe. Gimme a sex. SEC! Holy shit, we're bad tonight XD
Lexxie: Whoever made our keyboards are out to get us!
Me: Lmao!
Lexxie: I am the lightest drunk you'll ever meet. On New Year's, before the actual drinks came out, we had champane to bring in the New Year, then the real alcohol was going to come out, but I had had two glasses of the champane. BAM! I was gone. Drunk. They had pictures of me doing back arches out in the rain. And apparently I went around pulling everyone's pants down.
Me: ..wow. You've experienced everything haven't you?
Lexxie: What do you mean?
Me: Had sex, gotten drunk..bloody hell, all you need to do now is flunk out of school and go broke on crack, smack, weed and coke.
Lexxie: Get pregnant with my cousin and BAM! I'm a southerner!
Me: I'm reading a new book.
Hannah: Oh? What's it called?
Me: Colours of the Rainbow by Roy G. Biv
Hannah: And..
Me: ..you're not used to this, are you?
Hannah: Used to what?
Me: The order of the colours in a rainbow are Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet. Or, ROY G BIV. Hence the author. It's a joke.
Hannah: OH!!
Me: Zomg, maybe I should write a story about you and Draco getting together!
Lexxie: YUSSSSSSSS
Me: Or, I could make another one where you're a transfer student (that plot is used so fucking often. Seriously) and you're tranfered to Hogwarts and placed in Slytherin and Draco starts falling for you, but you're in love with Ron, but he's with Hermione, and Hermione's loosing interest in Ron, but gaining interest in Draco and Harry likes Ginny, but he likes Hermione and Ginny's like 'Pfft, whatever Potter, you ain't getting into these pants EVER' and he's like 'fine. HERMIONE!' and Hermione's all 'dude!' and Ron's all 'but Hermione, I love you!' and you're all 'Draco, stop humping my leg' and Draco's all 'oh yeah!' and Ron's all 'Ew' and Hermione's all 'Oh hellz man, that's fucking hot' and Draco's all 'Ew. Mudblood. Put your clothes back on!' and Harry's all 'No man! keep them off and come over here! I've got a problem and you need to fix it!' and Hermione's all 'Ew. Harry, you're like, my brother. Why would I fuck you?' and Harry's all '-is depressed-' and then I come into the picture randomly and I'm all 'Oh, Harry, I'll fuck you' and Harry's all 'Haha, fuckers, I'm about to get laid!' and Ron's all 'Zomg, Hermione, just fuck me so I can dump you and marry Alex!' and Hermione's all 'Pfft. Fine. -fucks Ron-' and Ron's all 'Fine. You were crap. I'm dumping you. ALEX!' and you'll be all '-flutters eyelashes- Yes, Ronnie?' and Ron'll be all 'Zomg, I'm suddenly in love with you, marry me, biatch,' and you'll be all 'zomg yes! -snogs-' and you and Ron will live happily ever after and Draco will have a permanent hard-on, and Harry and Ginny will finally go at it like rabbits behind the Slytherin Common Room couches and then they'll be like 'Howtf did we end up here? Ah fuck that' and keep going. Oh, and I'll get stuck with Neville, who'll turn out to be a pretty good fuck once you get him trained.
Lexxie: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Me: You like my story?
Lexxie: LOLYES!!
Me: Maybe you should tell your mum.
Michelle: Tell Mum what?
Me: About the thing "sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me, so throw me down and tie me up and show me that you like me".
Michelle: LOL! Maybe later. Right now Erika's all 'ZOMGIDIDN'TKNOWFORGERYWASILLEGAL!!
Me: lmfao. Stupid whore.
Michelle: I'm surrounded by peanuts!
Me: Really? I wanna fuck Ron.
Michelle: ..Okay..RANDOM!
Me: -grins madly-
Michelle: Stupid Ms COW said that this book was gonna be interesting!
Me: What book is it?
Michelle: Forbidden City. Basically, it's about this guy whose dad's a newsman and he's taking him to China, but the guy's like "I don't wanna go, I have to write my exams still, biatch!"
Me: ..how is that NOT interesting?
The Conversation Window: -goes silent-
Me: ..looks around- who SAID that??
Michelle: No one's had sex, and nothing has exploded. It's not interesting.
Michelle: Have you ever worn headphones attatched to your computer, then got up, walked away, only to get pulled backwards and fall flat on your ass?
Me: -looks around-.of COURSE not..
Michelle: 'Cause I just did.
Me: The summary: Hermione can't stop hearing his voice.
Michelle: Hermione's been taking the happy-face pills.
Movie: They made worms' meat of me!
Michelle: I like worms.
Movie: ROMEO SHALL NOT LIVE!
Michelle: NEITHER SHALL YOU, BIATCH!
Movie: Why did you kill my cousin?!
Michelle: Because he wants to bang you!
Me: That's not distubing in the LEAST! -eyeroll-
Michelle: WTF, everything is disturbing in the MOST!
Michelle: You know, I could probably..lifts leg over head-
Me: WHOA! Don't DEMONSTRATE!
Michelle: What is WITH this PRIEST?! He's like a satanic ritualizing priest!
Me: No, he's gay.
Me: Hey, it's the Coca-Cola sign!
Michelle: ..facepalm-
Me: Dude..blink!
Michelle: ..He's dead.
Me: Omg, it's a vibrating chair!
Michelle: SHUT UP! I'm fantisizing!
Me: Let's keep things R-rated.
Michelle: What's worse than R-rated?
Me: X-rated.
Daniel Radcliffe: It's fine!
Michelle: No it's not! You're in love with a Chinese girl with an Irish accent!
Michelle: He's sexy!
Me: Especially in the schmexy uniform, right? -winks-
Michelle: ..shut up.
Me: Do it again.
Michelle: Only faster.
Me: You idiot?!
Michelle: I'd be like 'FUCK YOU, YOU OWE ME A HAND!!
Dumbledore: First, you must survive three tasks.
Me: Survive?! Oh, yeah, that REALLY makes me wanna join!
Me: Liar!
Michelle: Your mom!
Me: Sorry, what?
Michelle: What?
Crouch Jr: I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.
Me and Michelle: ..
Dumbledore: Priori Incantatum..
Michelle: WTF sir?
Interviewer: So what do you do in your spare time?
Dude who plays Viktor Krum: Anything and everything.
Michelle: Wow, Viktor, I didn't know you did striptease at a gay bar!
Me: WTMF is 1337 H4x0rz?
Michelle: You n00b.
Movie: He's still in me!
Me: ..whoa, she had sex?
Michelle: Wow, that guy just keeps going and going!
Movie: Reach inside yourself!
Me: ..Dude!
Michelle: ..facepalm-
Me: Where are my beans? I KNOW I HAD BEANS!
Michelle: They bounced away from you.
Me: DAMMIT!
Michelle: Um..Harry and Ron are dying.
Me: Harry and Ron can kiss my ass.
Michelle: ..kay.
Me: Well, Harry can kick my ass. Ron can do other things to my ass ;)
Michelle: ..O_X
Me: I'm putting vibrations on.
Michelle: ..You disgust me.
Michelle: Why isn't this pen coming off my hand?
Me: ..It's pretty much a permentant pen.
Michelle: ..I've got a face on my finger.
Me: SPEED! SPEED!
Michelle: You're telling the chair to go faster in the DIRTIEST way!
Me: ..Mhmm..heat! Oh..ya..
Michelle: ..O.o
Commerical: -try this try that-
Michelle: I think that's a birth control pill.
Me: No, it's a perscription. My mum's been on it since I was ten.
Michelle: Oh, so that's what she tells you it is.
Me: -gives Michelle the finger-
Michelle: -turns up vibrating chair- ..I think the chair'll explode if I keep doing this.
Me: ..snorts-
Michelle: What?
Me: Oh, there is SO MUCH I could do with that!
Michelle: ..facepalm-
Davina: -playing with her pirate set while waiting to get ready for her bath- And this guy goes with this guy on this boat, and this guy goes with this guy on this boat and now they're alone.
Me: ... -walks out to living room- Are you hearing this?
Mum: Hearing what?
Me: Nina.
Mum and Dad: -mute the TV and listen-
Davina: -is now humming the chorus to "Milkshake"-
Me: I find it incredibly hysterical that she was separating the men on a pirate ship into couples and putting them on different boats so that they would be alone. And that she is now singing the chorus to Milkshake.
Mum: ... Milkshake?
Me: ...yeah. You know... "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their life is better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you, but I'll have to charge".
Mum: ... I've never heard it.
Dad: ...how did you miss that one? It was one of the best dance songs EVER.
Davina: DA DA! DA DA! DA! THE BOYS ARE CRAZY!
Me: ... Isn't it, 'The boys are waiting'?
Mum: It's a GOOD THING that she's getting the lyrics wrong!
Me: I feel so emo.
Mum: Why?
Me: -in a monotonous tone- 'Cause you're inflicting pain by plucking my eyebrows and it doesn't hurt. Ow. Nevermind.
Dad: -makes some weird movements- Wingardium Leviosa!
Me: -not looking away from the computer screen- ..are you waving a chopstick at me?
Dad: Yes.
Me: -slowly turns head from computer screen- .. you're doing it wrong. It's swish and flick. Otherwise, you could take someone's eye out.
Dad: .. -points chopstick at me- AVADA KEDAVRA!
Tory: I want a hairless cat, and I'll name him 'Ew'. And when I call him, I can just be like, 'EWWWWWWWWWWWW!'
Me: -bursts out laughing- Zomgyuss! And when you're mad at it, you can say, 'EW! EW!'
Dad: -handing Deathly Hallows back to me-OK, that's not cool. I wanted the Malfoys to die! This is your fault!
Me: .. what the hell? How is it my fault? I'm not J.K Rowling!
Dad: Well, you're close enough!
Mum: .. wow.
Dad: That's what you can do for me for Christmas! You can write up a brutal death for the Malfoys for me! Preferably trampled by a flock of rampaging Hippogriffs!
Me: ..are you kidding me?
Dad: -walking out of the room- No! I'm being serious!
Me: .. -turns to Mum, mouth open- What the hell are you giving him before bed?!
Mum: -chuckles- You should totally write it! And mail it to him. With a Christmas card.
Me: .. -thinks for a minute- Hmm. You know .. I can now see it happening.
Mum: What? The card arriving and Dad laughing?
Me: -snorts- No. The Hippogriffs. They're running over the Malfoys. And I can see Harry, Ron and Hermione standing to the side, mouths open and wands out. And when the Hippogriffs are gone, Harry turns to the other two and says, '.did we just see what I think we saw?' and then it ends!
Mum: ..I was only kidding about actually doing it, but OK!
Rachel: What are you doing?
Me: I need a picture of you.
Rachel: No, you really don't!
Me: Yeah, I do! -lifts camera-
Rachel: NO! -covers face with hands-
Me: Shit! You know, when I put this on MySpace, I'll put the caption 'My friend, Rachel, who refused to have her picture taken, so I took one anyway.' And people will put comments like 'Dude, what kind of fucked up friends do you have?' And I'll laugh.
Rachel: You are NOT putting this on MySpace!
Me: Yup! Now SMILE!
Rachel: NO! -covers face again-
Me: HA! I got your eye! Now all I need is your other eye, your nose, and your mouth, and I'll just piece your face together!
Rachel: What?! Don't you need my cheeks and my ears?
Me: Not really. I'll need your forehead, though.
Rachel: Why?
Me: I dunno. SMILE!
Rachel: AH! -covers face-
Camera: -turns off-
Me: Dude! What the FUCK! -turns camera back on- SMILE!
Camera: -turns off-
Me: WILL YOU STOP TURNING OFF!
Rachel: That's fucking funny.
Me: Fuck off and smile.
Camera: -turns off, then back on-
Me: STOP TURNING OFF, DAMN YOU!!
Rachel: You sound like Phoebe from Friends. -giggles-
Me: SMILE!
Rachel: NO! STOP IT!!
Me: -takes picture- Damn! I got your leg! Okay, so I need your other leg, your arms, torso, and head, and I'll just piece THAT together!
Rachel: -facepalm-
At High Park Zoo:
Me: What the hell are those?
Dad: ..I think they're gophers on steroids. See? That one's Arnold and that one's Schwarzenegger.
Me: -dies of laughter-
Old Man: He said 'stay away'!
Cop: Who said that?
Old Man: I don't know! The guy with the big fucking gun, that's who!
"Sex is like math: Add the bed, substract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray that you don't multiply." - Ashley .P.
"The answer is Johnny Depp..the question doesn't matter!" - Sarah
"If guns kill people, can I blame mispelt words on my pencil?" - Sarah .D.
"Forget love..I'd rather fall in chocolate!" - Katie (Kaytie)
"We were tied until you beat me..=( " - Michelle's sister
"MILK! MOO MOO!" - Chantal
"You'll ALWAYS be my friend..looks around and whispers- you know too much!" - Hustanya
"I swear, some kid actually said 'I don't want the candy, I want you, baby!' He was like TEN! He must have thought he was cool or something. I did, too, so I threw some candy at his sorry ass and told him to get the fuck outta here." - Emma
"I love school..I just hate the concept of it."
"And she was like 'nuh uh' and she was like 'yeah uh' and she was like 'no way!' and she was like 'yes way!' and I was like 'PREPTASTIC!'quot;
"Let's play Simon Says. Simon says take one step off of the cliff."
"It may be dangerous to run with scissors but it's pretty damn good excercise!"
"Yes, I'm weird. No, I don't care."
"Silence is golden and duct tape is silver."
"Girls are better than boys because we're girls. Without us, boys wouldn't be here."
"Girls rule, boys suck. The. End."
"I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away =("
"Yes, I ask stupid questions. Yes, I do it on purpose."
"Our opinion is not ridiculous or little. It is smart alecky and important."
"Life's not all skittles and beer. Sometimes you've got to think!"
"OMG KATE DON'T DROWN IN THE CHOCOLATE!!quot;
"Do you make an effort to be an idiot..or is it a gift?"
"Shower! Don't you wanna shower with MEEE!"
"NO FLUFF! Fluff is sweet and cute and tasty. That was just..O_X"
"It's like 'Omg, Ron, I love you!' 'Hermione, are you sure?' 'Yes, I love you, Ron, now fuck me!' "
"Hermione's all 'Omg Sweet' and Ron and Harry are all 'wtf mate?'quot; (Michelle and I have concluded that this is Harry Potter in a nutshell)
"Says the man with the lipstick."
"If I keep talking, maybe no one will notice my hand is down my pants..quot;
"WTF mate, that's incest!"
"The Capulets are abroad and the prostitutes are at work!"
"Hello my fellow brenderinerheim..how do you say it?"
"Let us make peace..BANG!"
"Fiddlestick!.I could make so much out of that, I'm not even gonna start!"
"Oh my, God, he wants to sex up her cousin!"
"Shoot him, plzkthx."
"I can't be banned, I have to do my fifteen year old wife!"
"Oooh, shiny green light O.o"
"Oh wow, they're gonna do it O_O"
"Put that down, it's gross!"
"Moody's like 'Don't run into the fire -_quot;
"I almost screamed when Hermione ran into Harry, like 'Ah, it's a monster!'quot;
"-Fergie (London Bridge) comes on- Oh, God! This song makes me want to commit mass homicide!"
"That looked like a praying mantis with legs!"
".Kay. Hermione's standing in the fire, Ron's all 'Oh, I'm scared' and Harry's dead..quot;
"I hurt myself in gym class and now I feel, like, dead."
"That's really gross sounding..bubortubor..quot;
"-singing- Move BITCH, get out da way!"
"Whoa! Is that a ZOMBIE? Oh, no, wait, it's Ron!"
"I think Tazz is raping Lucy..raises eyebrow-"
"-J-walking- Zomg, Katey, I don't want to die! This is like Frogger, only scarier!"
"Okay..homework is still work, so when do I get paid?"
"'Everything's going to change now, isn't it?' 'No shit, Sherlock!'quot;
"You, button up your shirt! You, take off your pants!"
"I'll click my heels together three times and say 'I wish I was in her pants!'quot;
"If that's not a sexual position, I don't know what is..quot;
"Maybe if I cross my legs, he won't bang me!"
"Why isn't he attacking her neck ye-.oh. There he goes..quot;
"It's weed!"
"But I'm wearing lemonpants!" (Layz, hun, that term is ruined now)
"Hair in face, hair in face! Oh, major turn on!"
"Slice? WTF!"
"Did you not see him get beat up? A SLAM!"
"WTF? Slice is sound, but not SPLASH!"
"Stand not amazed? Does that make any sense!"
"I thought it was an actual person! I was going 'Why is she so shiny?'quot;
".How could he reach?"
"He threw her on the bed and the robe went FLING!"(Hand gestures included :p)
"How do you know when clams are happy?"
"Harry Potter: Survives big ass scary dragon..falls off castle tower. Oh, the irony."
"His wand is crooked!"
"If you're gonna fix anything, fix his eyebrows..AND WHY AM I TALKING LIKE THIS!"
"Bloody hell, he can fly!"
"Ron's an oompa loompa!"
"She bought them BOMBS!.tick, tick tick!"
"I want a kinky honeymoon!"
"Dude! It's a lava lamp! Imagine having one of those when you're HIGH!"
"Harry's wiggling his wand!.And we REALLY shouldn't be yelling this!"
"Math class: The class that reaches a point where you can't apply y = ax + bx + c to real, every day life."
"Civics Class: I'll always remember the difference between a summary offence and a 'dic-in-table' (indictable) offence. 'Nuff said."
"Careers Class: The class that lasts longer than WWI and WWII put together."
"English Class: The class where sitting on your desk and chatting non-stop is allowed and slightly encouraged."
"Instrumental Music: The only class you can swear in and not get in shit if caught."
"Instrumental Music Part Two: Not too bad when all you have to play for a whole period is drums."
"Gym: A time of running away from pain and sorrow..
..even for your teacher." (Credit for this goes to Jethro. 'Cause he's that f'kn cool)
"Art: The more mature version of sticking your hands in paint, then making pictures with your fingers."
"Chemistry: The only science that can be divided into the groups of 'blowing shit up' and 'making drugs.' "
"Auto Shop: The place that repairs damages parts after chemistry occurs." (Again, Jet takes credit)
"Algebra: What you need to understand in order to make planes that fly. If you do not know this, you cannot make planes..
..that fly."
"Emo: Emu spelt incorrectly."
"Essay: A two page long report on a subject that could be described in two sentences."
"Grammar: Something people on the internet have no concept of."
"Spelling: A lost art."
"Pain: What you feel when you reach into a blender to dislodge an ice cube..without turning the blender OFF.
..stupid fucker."
"JULIET!!"
"We need to read the subtitles more clearly."
"Some random old dude..quot;
JD: People in glass houses shouldn't walk around naked.
"Never trust anyone who says 'trust me'. Trust me on that one." - Dad
"Anything's possible for five bucks!" - Dad (Apparently this has been jacked to 25)
"'It's always in the last place you look.' No shit moron, why the fuck would I keep looking for it AFTER I've found it!" - Me and JD
"'OMG, did you see that?' 'No, loser. I paid 12 to see a movie and stare at the goddamn floor!'quot; - Me and JD
"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure as hell makes living in a hell hole happier!" - Mum
"My mum fell asleep and the typing woke her up, so I had to sit mindlessly in front of the computer screen until she fell asleep again." - Me imitating Kimmie
".white men cheat black men everyday of your life, but let me tell you something and don't you forget it - whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how good a family he comes from, that white man is trash." - Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, page 220.
"Sarchasm: n. The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it." - Display Picture
"Dude, what are we gonna do! I don't want to get thrown out of the hotel! I love the hotel! I want to marry the hotel and have little gambling addicted, alcoholic kids with it, is that wrong?" - Display Picture
"Sarcasm: Helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them." - Display Picture
"Harry/Hermione. If by Harry, you mean Ron, then sure!" - Display Picture
"Of COURSE I'm a wizard! My Hogwarts letter just got a bit..delayed!" - Display Picture
"Ron and Hermione. Because you could try and read between the lines for something that doesn't exist, or you could see what's dancing naked in front of you wearing Dobby's tea cozy." - Display Picture
"Voldemort: I want to teach at Hogwarts. About bunnies and rainbows." - Display Picture
"Next time there's a ball, ginger-haired boy needs to pluck up the courage and ask bushy-haired girl before someone else does." - Display Picture
Display Pictures, Phrases, etc.. Quotes
JD, Mum, and Dad Quotes
Me and Michelle Quotes
Me Quotes
Michelle Quotes
Kimmie Quotes
Friend Quotes
Inside Man Movie:
Wandering:
Home:
This is what happens when you put me, Michelle, a couple of DVDs and a LOT of candy together in a closed room with a TV:
On MSN:
Attempting to top up my cell phone..
More Than One Person Quotes
Science (Grade Ten, Semester 2):
History (Grade Ten, Semester 2):
Music (Grade Ten, Semester 1):
World Religions (Grade Eleven):
Gary: Hinduism is the oldest religion in the world, with around nine million people…
Me: -teeth grit- What?
Adell: He said that Hinduism is the oldest religion in the world.
Me: -teeth still clenched- -grabs Chris’s notebook, tears a sheet out and starts writing furiously-
Chris: …um, yeah, sure, Kate. You can have a piece of paper.
Me: Hush -continues to scribble-
Chris: … -peers over shoulder- What are you writing?
Me: You’ll find out in a minute.
Chris: Oh, it’s for me?
Me: And Adell. Shush.
Three Seconds Later…
Me: -slaps paper on Chris’s desk-
Note: It is NOT the oldest religion in the world; it is the SECOND oldest. PAGANISM is the oldest. HINDUISM is the oldest RECOGNISED religion.
Chris: -sighs and hands paper back- Yes, I know.
Adell: What does Chris know?
Me: -hands paper over-
Adell: Yeah, that’s right. I know that.
Me: Obviously Gary and his group do not.
Mr Castillo: Shush! Or I’ll take marks off of your project!
Me, Chris and Adell: Sorry, Sir.
Gary: -finishes his presentation and sits down-
Mr C: Kate, what was that all about?
Me: Hinduism is NOT the oldest religion in the world, Sir! You know that!
Mr C: -nods with a small smile on his face- True. But why are you pissed off about it?
Me: Because I’m sick of being discriminated against! It pisses me off!
Mr C: OK. But would you rather be pissed off or pissed on?
Me: -too annoyed to understand right off the bat- What?!
Mr C: Would you rather be pissed off or pissed on?
Me: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Mr C: Adell, explain it –walks away-
Me: -hissing- What the fuck?
Adell: -sniggering-
Me: -turns- What! What!?
Adell: -cringes- Would you rather be pissed off? Or would you rather be pissed on?
Me: … EW! SIR!
Mr C: -laughs-
At home telling Mum:
Mum: ...Hinduism is actually a part of Paganism.
Me: ...
Mum: What? It's true! Paganism is the belief of more than one god. Hindus believe in more than one god. Let me guess; you were pissed off because you were refering to the Wiccan religion, right? Us?
Me: ...yeah. Pretty much.
Mum: Don't blow your cover. You're in a catholic school, remember?
Me: Right. Shit. Fine.
Math Class (Grade Eleven)
Michelle: -building Kinder Surprise toy- Damn it! It broke! I swear, Kinder Surprise hates me!
Me: Here, I’ll build it.
Michelle: NO! I have to do it!
Me: Hey, it’s your time.
Michelle: HA! There.
Me: -looks up-
Michelle: Like my boat? Choo choo!
Me: … -tries not to laugh-
Michelle: …
Me: …-bursts out laughing- Choo choo is a train!
Michelle: …
Me: -still laughing- So … chug chug?
Michelle: Yes; that one.
Chemistry (Grade 11):
English (Grade Eleven)
School Quotes:
My List Of Favourite Inside Jokes/Quotes
FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
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